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Messages - jonas1101

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Ages 20-29 / first day rebooting
« on: March 02, 2016, 10:29:14 AM »
Hello every rebooters. This is my first day of rebooting and hopefully it will change my lifestyle till back to who i was before.

My "porn watching life" started for like 7 years ago. I were depressed and the porn was something that made me feel very good ( or normal) for a few hours. After 3 years of world of warcrafting and porn watching i realized how sad my life were. I dragged myself outside the door to enjoy the real life with my old friends. My confidence grew back from the cave it had hidden. After a while i started to go to the gym and i got so much credit from other peoples so my confidence grew bigger and bigger.

After 2 years on gym i met my ex girlsfriend who was a total lying and a cheating bitch. It took me a year to realize that. After a few months after we broke up i met this wonderful and extreamly happy girl who i felt in love with. We have been together for 2 years.

For exatcly 1 year ago i felt depressed again for real i had death wishes and everything was just black and grey. And i felt right back to the porn nest, i saved pictures of girls in my phone and watched porn movies like everyday for a couple of months. Till the day she found out, cause i had been accting strange for a while. Now i had to explain why i did this to her. And i tried to tell her i was just doing it for myself to feel good or to forget everything that was hurting me so much. I dont know really why my brain just chose porn. And my brain didn't exactly tell me about all the consequences it would do!

I know she had a really hard time with this in her mind. But there's nothing i could do about it. I felt so damn ashamed and it felt like whatever i say she won't trust me. I promised her to stop watching porn but i've failed over and over again... not because i didn't want to change but i think it's a old habit to watch porn when i feel low.

Yesterday she left me. I told her i watched porn this weeknd Cause she asked me that after we had sex. I can't blame her... but i feel so damn sad that i messed it all up with the girl in my dreams, all because of the porn and my dumb brain..

Well enough about me and my terrible english (im from sweden). This is my first day rebooting and i will just take it day by day to see where it leads to.

//jonas


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