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Messages - sm

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Women / Re: That's my journey!
« on: July 09, 2016, 03:53:15 AM »
Hi stillme, thanks for your message.
Yes, I actually have been thinking about it, a lot, but I can't remember any abuse during my childhood. I started to see a psychologist a while ago, and I can't recollect anything like that. Maybe It is because I'm not a great talker and I find very hard to open up with someone, but no story of abuse ever came up. Anyway, that's one of the reasons I went to therapy at first place, because I wanted to find out. There are also some other aspects of my life that make me think something happened, but for now I can honestly recollect nothing.
take care!
have a nice day

Women / Re: That's my journey!
« on: June 29, 2016, 12:54:19 PM »
Hi offaxis! I'm doing fine, thanks for asking :-).
It's been about 30 days since the last time I watched pornography, and I'm quite happy about it. Yes, erotic stories are definitely a substitute for that, and I'm trying to avoid them as well. About one week ago I started to read one, but I've been able to stop after a few lines. During these days I'm actually into a flat line, I feel quite indifferent, I hope It's just a time span.
Loneliness is a trigger for me, I know that for sure, but It is not because I don't like to spend time alone, I love spending time alone, I love reading, movies, music, but the problem is that I like porn too. The worst thing is that if I watch porn first, then I don't want to do the things I like anymore, maybe It is because I feel guilty, but I don't know. Anyway, like you, I try to spend outside with people more time I can. It's summer, now, so It's easier.
thanks for your words
take care!

Ages 30-39 / Re: My Journey
« on: May 29, 2016, 04:04:34 PM »
Hi Offaxis, I can understand your ups and downs, when I can manage to be clean for a good amount of time, It's like a rollercoaster and I can feel everything more intensively (I think It is a good thing, when I'm sad and not depressed, I achieve it like a goal). To face this journey and having a marriage in a not-clear situation, I can see, It can be very tricky; you don't have to confront only with your ups and downs, but with another person's, too. Did you consider to take a real break, where you don't see each other for some time? I'm not the best person to give marriage advices, but I see how other people's behaviour affect my state of mind, and how it can push me to porn, when It hurts.

stay strong! always remember you're doing this for the best!

Ages 30-39 / Re: NoFap Consciousness
« on: May 29, 2016, 03:43:10 PM »
Hi Georgos, I totally get you. I started to recover at the beginning of the year and I'm still trying to figure out how It can be the best way to succeed for me. I had two very big steps forward in the last couple of months (moving and job), and I'm sure they happened because of me using less pornography and being more focused. Anyway, with these changes also new anxieties came and they push to porn again, to relax. I don't use it more than once a week, but every time i feel like shit.

good luck! i wish you all the best

ps. reading about your drawing made me remember that I used to do it myself when I was very young (VERY young, oh my god, how that stuff came to my mind?)

Women / Re: That's my journey!
« on: May 28, 2016, 03:53:44 AM »
Hi offaxis! Yes, You are probably right, pretending the addiction doesn't exist is not working. I had several relapses last week, even if they have been "softer" (no actual pornography, but just erotic stories I found online). Anyway, today is Saturday, and usually the weekend is the hardest moment, these days most of my friends are out of town, while I'm here working, so It's gonna be even worse than usual.
Thank you again for all your messages, every time I open this board It is really moving. I'm not into forums at all, and this is the very first time I write on one. It's great to connect and share with people who are in the same boat I am.

Women / Re: Women's Addiction
« on: May 15, 2016, 03:12:49 PM »
Hi Kaybee,
I totally get this part: "I got hooked on videos of women acting younger than they are, often with older men or men who tower over them. I definitely don't have 'daddy-issues' (I have a great relationship with my dad) but these videos make me feel like something is wrong with me ... you know, other than the addiction and the depression", for me It's exactly the same. It is probably because of the porn exposure, but nothing gets me hornier than that, even now that I'm getting better and I usually fantasize about real and normal sex.
good luck with your rebooting!  :)

Women / Re: A new journey
« on: May 11, 2016, 04:04:29 PM »
Hi J, good luck with with your new journey!  :)
One year without any pornography? great job!

Women / Re: That's my journey!
« on: May 11, 2016, 04:02:48 PM »
Hi everyone, thanks for your responses; these days I'm actually avoiding to open the forum, I'm trying to not think about porn at all, doing like my addiction doesn't exist. Anyway, even if I blame myself for relapsing sometimes, I can see that my life during these months is really improved: I moved to a nicest house, I quit my old job to one that I love, with new people and new environment, and I'm even starting to be interested in people again. J, you are right, I guess the most important days are the ones I'm able to remain strong.  :)
knowing about this community is really helpful, I think having a space to write about all of this is great.

Women / Re: That's my journey!
« on: April 22, 2016, 06:00:39 PM »
I did great for almost another month, but It's a couple of weeks that I am in a bad mood and I keep relapsing. uff  :-\

Women / Re: Finally doing something about it
« on: April 13, 2016, 07:47:43 AM »
Good luck Caliper7!  ;) At the beginning, I guess, It's almost impossible to never relapse, but to realize what's good for our life and try to eliminate what's bad, It's a nice way to start.

Ages 30-39 / Re: to new beginnings...
« on: March 09, 2016, 12:15:42 PM »
Hi daysovernights,
I find your story very similar to mine, even if I'm a girl (...and there are not many topics by girls); I have a job I love, a lot of hobbies and really the best friends in the world, but I have a lot of troubles in my love life.
I've been clean for about one month and I relapsed 10 days ago. I can actually see that most of my depression comes from porn.
Keep going, and good luck! It's worth it!

Women / Re: That's my journey!
« on: March 03, 2016, 12:04:50 PM »
I had a relapse on Sunday, after one month. uff. It's been very awkward, after 32 days I had forgotten how depressing masturbation on porn was for me; I thought "wow, It's been a long time, I can do this, It's not going to be bad". Actually It was, on Monday I was crashed, and tired. I guess for me masturbation on porn is really connected to anxiety. That day, I had lunch with a guy who I'm hanging out sometimes, I can see he likes me, but I've never been interested, but on Sunday something kind of changed, I could actually like him back. I came home and the possibility to start right now a relationship, and not in my future dreams, freaked me out.
I'm so pissed, last month, as "sober", has been kind of great. Yes, the lack of sexual desire without pornography worried me, but I read here that It's normal, so It didn't too much. I had very good time with my friends, I started to change the ones I didn't like, I did a lot of thing I love (going to concerts, cinema, theatre, more then the usual happy hour) and I also found a new better place to move to. Well, the counting started again, and It's been three days.

Women / Re: How do I re learn sex?
« on: February 14, 2016, 08:59:39 AM »
Hi Poppy (again :), I just answered you back at my post, before reading this)! If That can give you hope I had a porn-free interval in my early twenties and in those months my sex life really improved. Unfortunately It's been the only period I experienced that, so I can't say this time It will be the same, but I'm quite positive about that. Three months is a big interval, my first time I resisted only two weeks. I post here two youtube videos who really helped me: - I think I found them here in the forum, but I' don't remember who posted them. Even if porn is my secret for now, and nobody knows about that, listening about the importance of vulnerability had been healing for me.
good luck!

Women / Re: That's my journey!
« on: February 14, 2016, 08:45:14 AM »
Hi Poppy! I'm so glad my story helped you :). It's been 3 weeks now since my last relapse and I'm really starting to feel that things are changing. I'm sure you're gonna do it to! be strong! Yeii to your new life!

Women / Re: That's my journey!
« on: January 27, 2016, 09:27:32 AM »

Women / Re: That's my journey!
« on: January 26, 2016, 07:59:46 AM »
Actually, I relapsed on sunday. It's been unexpected, It had been 15 days and I was feeling quite confident. Anyway, It's amazing (in a very bad way) how that can affect our life, during the days without pornography I really felt great and stronger than usual. Also, at the same time, It's true what i read somewhere: after about ten days I started to feel as I wasn't going to feel sexual attraction anymore, and that's been scary.
I'll be better this time, and I'm definitely going to install a filter today.

Women / Re: That's my journey!
« on: January 23, 2016, 12:20:40 PM »
Thanks you all, guys :-)!
Yes, there are also women with this problem, and being that so strange makes this even more shameful.
I'm going to try k-9, I was just looking for a good filter. It's been 13 days so far, I didn't need one yet, but I'm not sure how long I can go on without.
cheers and stay strong you too! ;-)

Women / Re: That's my journey!
« on: January 11, 2016, 12:25:23 PM »
Thanks for you reply, Numez!  :)

Women / That's my journey!
« on: January 11, 2016, 07:49:07 AM »
Hi everyone,
I'm a 31 years old woman who's been addicted to porn since... uhm, always, I guess. I started to masturbate at a very young age (really young age, I actually don't remember how and when It started, to give you an idea how early in my life It was). You know when people say "I used to touch myself already at 5, but It was not sexual, It just felt good"? well, I used to touch myself at five, either, but for me It was sexual. I didn't think about penetration or whatsoever, but I had soft-core phantasies I have no idea where coming from. When I grew up that turned to an addiction to porn. How does it affect my life? I'm a nice looking and quite funny girl, I think, I'm sorrounded by a lot of great friends, I have a good social life, and a job that I really like. I don't seem to have any problem, but I'm never so focused and my romantic life sucks. I've been in love, and been loved in return, but everytime I blew It. It's like I'm not able to be sexual attracted by the man I love, but I can only be aroused by gross men, that's the sex I dream of (even if I don't go for it in real life).
This has to stop, I've been PM free for some moments in my life and they have been great.

ps: sorry if my english is not perfect, but I'm italian (a country where apparently no woman even masturbates) and I'v tried the best I can

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