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Messages - brian00smith

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Ages 40 and up / Day 363
« on: November 07, 2016, 05:22:23 AM »
I'm nearly there! it's day 363 and can honestly say I have not masterbated to orgasm whilst watching pornography.

I kept a diary which is very useful to keep track of when I MO'd etc, I was clean for the first 90 days, the few orgasms I had during that period where all whilst having sex, can't say I noticed a big difference but I know I was different inside which was so valuable and still is to me today above all else, I do masterbate now about once a week on average, I concentrate so much more on how I feel rather that what I would like to be doing and who with when masterbating.

My path is now set, I need now to address my drinking which whilst not bad is defo too much.

Ages 40 and up / Just checking in after 217 Porn Free.
« on: June 12, 2016, 06:17:39 PM »
PMO? It's gone. I'm 54 and have finally achieved something in my life. I feel better but I don't feel as great as some do on this forum. The first 90 days were the best, I had all the positives and I was buzzing with the new me! After that I had a few MO's just to be sure it still worked (it did, but nothing great TBO). Edgeing had crept into my life a bit too often, finally I could see that I was cheating and cut that out. I'm now 21 days into a hardcore phase, it's not that hard, in fact it's easy, I just go from day to day now not evening thinking about porn or masterbating either, I'm kind of in neutral just drifting from day to day not orgasming but not doing much else either other than working my arse off to survive.

I have though started a diary in which I put my thoughts, mainly about sex, orgasming etc down on digital paper, I hope they will help if I need to look back through these at some point in my life to understand who I am.

Ages 40 and up / 90 days tomorrow!
« on: February 06, 2016, 10:14:53 AM »
I am 54 years old and 90 days into this project. Going without porn was actually much easier than I thought, it has crossed my mind from time to time but I have never been sorely tempted. I think looking back now I was not addicted, initially I thought I was but now I doubt that. Beforehand I PMO’d a lot and probably O’d this way 90% of the time.

Like most of my age group on this website I have been through the whole pornography thing from magazines to hi speed internet porn, I have had 90 days to think about it and frankly I am amazed that I did not see the damage I was doing. I have spent a lot of time on this website reading other guys stories and have taken a lot of inspiration from them, the goodness that so many have enjoyed from this process has certainly pushed me on to see where this journey would take me.

So where has it taken me? I did not get blue balls, I did not get withdrawal symptoms, I’m still not getting wood in the morning, I’m not having wet dreams either, I’ve had sex a couple of times, both times very enjoyable but I certainly have not turned into a sex god, there was no chance of a second orgasm on either occasion. The main advantages are though to me very important in that I have a confidence around women that I have never enjoyed before. I willingly crave any opportunity to be with them socially, I actively smile at any woman I see in the street and make eye contact and YES they often smile back, it’s a wonderful feeling. I am more than happy to be in this place and I hope to be here for evermore. I have MO’d 4 times in 90 days, two of which would be classed as “chasers”. I defo flatlined for a long time and I’m not convinced that I am not still doing so to be honest.

So in conclusion pornography full stop was the problem. It affected the way I viewed women horribly and I am sad it has taken me to my 55th year to realise this. Thankfully I have what is left of my life ahead of me and now armed with this lifeline I can go forward with a positive and happy attitude that has eluded me for so long. The damage pornography causes is immeasurable!

I will obviously continue to be porn free and hope that any sexual encounters develop naturally and that the human relationships I enjoy will be free of this mental disease.

Thanks for reading my story, I hope it helps you in some way.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Trying not to go mad and recover
« on: December 21, 2015, 12:50:00 PM »
I'm 54 and have probably spent the last 40 of that masturbating, the last 10 with internet porn I now realise were the worst, I was truly addicted and didn't even realise until a chance comment led me to this website, I spent ages looking through it, it hit me like a train just where I was at and why so much of my life was the way it was, I had never made the connection but suddenly it was all in front of me and here was a website full of people finding a way out of the mess. I daily go to this link for inspiration

I am over 40 days in now and can't begin to tell you how much happier I am and you will be too if you persevere. I now see the moments so often which I would have found as an excuse to head off to and I find something else to do, anything, go for a walk, clear out a cupboard, play my piano, just anything but what I would have done before.

Keep us up to date on how you are doing, there is a lot of support on this website.

Porn Addiction / Cleaning kitchen cupboards v PMO
« on: December 12, 2015, 11:17:48 AM »
I'm 32 days in now of no porn, with 1 MO in there.

My wife has gone out and left me on my own, I now know for the previous goodness knows how long I would have been on a porn site and surfing my favourites and keeping an eye out for her car coming up the driveway! Well I've taken the opportunity to clean the kitchen cupboards, they have needed doing for ages, one of the beauties of this journey is that when opportunities come to have a quick one on my own I now look elsewhere and find something else to do.

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