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Messages - kopp

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1
Ages 20-29 / Re: Joyful journal
« on: Today at 03:39:42 AM »
I'm supposed to work. I have a hard time focusing. I'm really craving dopamine hits, I've been reading random articles... It sucks. I have to work, come on man, let's go, let's do it, it's not even that hard... it's stressful yes, but not hard...

2
Ages 30-39 / Re: porn, dating and Grindr
« on: Today at 03:08:39 AM »
All studies point to Tinder/Grindr and social medias badly affecting people's self-esteem.
+ they are highly addictive.

Do you live in a gay-friendly area? Are there gay bars around you?

Quote
i can't flick a switch an all of a sudden become less introverted. that's not how it works.

Start small. Just go out more. Then talk just a bit to people, etc.
Inspired by the Pick Up Artists community, I slowly started to go out more and more and if deep down I'm still an introvert, I met many many people by doing this. Approaching strangers will ALWAYS be stressful, but it's so much more rewarding. Give it a try. Could you do it with a friend?

3
Success Stories / Re: Day 500 of hardmode.
« on: Today at 03:00:12 AM »
Wow congratulations on the 500 days! What has been your favorite part of the reboot? Your best experience?

4
Success Stories / Re: I won.
« on: Today at 02:59:20 AM »
Congratulations to both of you guys :) You're inspiring! We need more success stories like this.

5
Women / Re: Its a process...I guess.
« on: Today at 02:56:40 AM »
Keep us updated!

I read your last post, then the first one... god there must be an interesting story between the two. You seem to be doing better than ever, congratulations on that!

6
Ages 20-29 / Re: I'm making a real start
« on: Today at 02:51:35 AM »
Hey man. Interesting journal.

I see myself in your situation. I started my sexual life with a unhealthy relationship (abusive girlfriend too), started porn early... I also ditched real life activities with my girlfriends or friends to stay home and look at porn, etc. That's a bad habit. I try to say yes to everything, ie everything is better than staying home alone watching porn.

I understand that you don't want to tell your girlfriend about your porn addiction. I never wanted to tell my parents but I told my girlfriend. I think you could open up to her about how you feel without telling her about the addiction to hardcore porn and the long hours of watching it everywhere.

I haven't been able to have a healthy usage of reddit so I just blocked it. There's just so much NSFW content on there and it's just much more appealing to me than the other subreddits that I now consider it a porn site.

I'm worried about your usage of porn at work. Man that could have bad consequences...

7
Ages 20-29 / Re: 20 Year Old Guy Trying To Recover From PIED
« on: Today at 02:34:09 AM »
Hey,

I'd recommend staying off tinder. It just harms people.

I get that you're virgin and would like to meet women. And I encourage you to do that. But stay off tinder for a while. :)
Focus on yourself for a few months and you'll meet girls irl. And you'll be in a better position to rock on Tinder.

It's nice that you see signs of improvement! You're doing good.

8
Ages 20-29 / Re: Joyful journal
« on: Today at 02:30:13 AM »
Hey :)

Today is... I don't know. I went running outside this morning.
I spent time reading. "The Four Agreements". It's a good book, I had read it a few years ago already and it helped me in the past. It teaches you how you learned wrong stuff about you, how you got limitating beliefs about yourself and how to act now, with 4 easy to understand agreements. I recommend it.

I'm on day 3 of Nofap and day 2 without orgasm.

I'm experiencing anxiety, not too much but still.
I have cravings. For porn and for random stuff. I want dopamine hits. It's hard to work - I want to do everything but work.

Quote
I've found when I've been very focused on positive change, self help self improvement etc. has really been the only times I was able to get off PMO. Plus it's such a positive, not just getting off pmo... making life better, enjoying growing.

Yes! Basically I was so busy that I didn't even think about PMO. And it was when I was alone for the first time and had free time that I relapsed.

New belief to instill in my head : I'm a man of high value.

9
I can't tell you exactly but it's sure that if you continue this awful habit you'll have mental problems yes. Stop porn and other bad habits and you'll feel much better.

Ok so you have a lot of free time. How will you use it? You don't know what you'll do next, what do you do to find it? Do you have a hard time filling your days? (I do, sometimes :))

10
Ages 20-29 / Re: My journal to recovery- Could use support
« on: September 22, 2019, 11:01:24 AM »
Do what makes sense.

I have a habit of going outside every morning but I never made it into a goal. And some days I don't go outside. And I feel fine with that.

How many ideas do you have? What about trying one new each week? You'll soon see what sticks :)
What are the other ideas? And which one will you apply/try tonight?

11
You'll have to figure what works for you.

A good sleeping pattern will regulate your mood. I'd start with sleeping better.

Going outside: same.

Writing my thoughts after waking up and before going to bed helped me a lot in going from depressed to happy.

12
I quit videogames. It has helped quitting porn.
It gave me a lot of free time that I had to fill with healthier habits.

You don't have to quit but I'd say there are things more important. Sleeping, exercising. Are you exercising enough? If no, it's not that you should play less videogames, but that you should book time to exercise more.

I'd recommend couting how much you played and think about it. I was horrified when Steam showed me that I had played 2000 hours of Counter Strike, because... imagine what I could have done instead with those 2000 hours.

13
What do you do in life? What are your activities?

Keep getting your NoFap streak higher and higher and focus on you and your life, not on porn. The urges will weaken, the gay thoughts will disappear.
Get a decent sleep pattern and eat cleaner, it will help.

14
Ages 20-29 / Re: My journal to recovery- Could use support
« on: September 22, 2019, 09:45:42 AM »
Hey man :) You're OK. You've done great and you'll do great again. Enjoy your life no matter your streak :)

15
Teens / Re: 18 year old fighting for LOVE
« on: September 22, 2019, 09:43:36 AM »
Congratulations :) keep going!

16
Teens / Re: I'd like someone helpful to help me conquer!
« on: September 22, 2019, 09:42:23 AM »
Hey Illyr, how are you doing?

17
Ages 20-29 / Re: Joyful journal
« on: September 22, 2019, 03:37:00 AM »
Hey guys. It's been almost a year.
My life has changed a lot since. I moved to a new city, in a new flat with my girlfriend, I started a freelancing career. I also had my best streak ever, around 140 days. In fact I think I relapsed once or twice somewhere in the middle but I kept going after that. So yeah, almost 140 days.
Since a month I've been running a bit outside every morning + doing a 45 minutes workout after my run. Best habit ever. Just being outside in the morning is awesome for your mental health and I'd recommend it to anyone.

Another excellent habit has been to write my thoughts every morning and every night. It helped me go from depressed to extremely happy in a few months. I love writing so much now. It's like putting all your negative thoughts to the garbage and making room for positive one instead.

I avoided RN because it worked better for me. Just not thinking about all that stuff instead of being active and involved in the nofap community made it easier. For months avoiding porn was easy - I just had no time nor urge to watch porn.

Still, I relapsed recently. I did bad for the last few days. MO'ing for hours a day to avoid solving a difficult situation I'm in. Also I felt anxiety. After 3 years with my girlfriend, and by seeing beautiful girls in the sunny streets every time I'd go out, I started doubting myself. Was I attractive to these girls? Why are there so few girls in my life? It resulted in me talking to girls online and it was stupid. Huge lost of time. Of Energy. Of trust in myself - why was I doing that? There's nothing to gain.

I've kept on using Rescue time, it's been a year and they sent me a frightening stat: I spent 2x more time on Distracting stuff on the internet (Youtube, twitter, random useless stuff...) than on being productive (I code as a living)

Rereading my journal today helped me, I dropped some good insights in there.

I'll repeat it:

The secret to change is to focus all your energy not on fighting the old but on buidling the new.

It has become even more true for me this year. At my peak, I just didn't care at all about porn, I was just focused on living my life, building my career and my body, meeting new interesting people...

Also, the book The Magic of Thinking Big changed my life.


I'm now officially back on track. Thank you guys for everything. You are amazing people, dedicated to bettering themselves, to go through hell will all the hard times it involves. I love you all and you'll forever be my brothers. May you live in peace, meet the women or men you deserve and achieve all your goals and more.

18
Porn Addiction / Re: Question ASAP
« on: September 22, 2019, 03:18:46 AM »
You're fine. Don't orgasm more but you're fine. Keep your No PMO streak going. Don't focus on that, just do something today. Go outside, do stuff.

19
Porn Addiction / Re: porn, dating and Grindr
« on: September 21, 2019, 02:44:27 PM »
Well stopping porn will make dating easier and sex better anyway.
I'd also strongly encourage you to stop apps yes.

I'd encourage you to "meet people" instead of "dating".

It's not about 100% overcoming the addiction first and THEN dating, I'm not even sure you can completely overcome an addiction. But the rebooting process goes much smoother on "hard mode" aka no orgasm at all for a period of time. Then you start orgasming again, without porn, and if possible with another human being.

20
Porn Addiction / Re: K9 is gone and there is no alternative in sight
« on: September 21, 2019, 12:05:53 PM »
I use coldturkey, it's a bit different than K9 and you have to be more serious about blocking stuff but it works well and you can use it for productivity also, like blocking social medias for a day, whereas K9 was more for "block it for life" kind of stuff (that's why you have to be more serious using coldturkey: you block stuff for a period of time.)

Also K9 had a much bigger database of porn sites to block.

21
Porn Addiction / Relapsed in a strange, shameful way
« on: September 21, 2019, 12:03:05 PM »
Everything was fine. 140+ days streak.
I live with my gf so I don't feel lonely often.

It happened once. I was without her for a weekend and I relapsed. And now I have a hard time having more than 3-4 days streaks.
I look at images when she's at school. That sucks...

I did worse: I started talking to girls on an app thats purpose is to sell clothes between users... and... got some nudes from two of them... The shameful part is: for one of the two, I paid. God...
After 3 years of relationship I started doubting my attractiveness. I basically didn't exist to girls anymore except from my girlfriend. It felt bad. I felt lonely more often in the last 2 weeks than in the previous 6 months.

I started doubting myself and wondering if girl thought I am attractive. I still don't know. I just wanted to feel attracting to girls and receive nudes like I used to when I was younger and single..

Recently I've spent far too much time, hidden, browsing this app. I just deleted my account after trying for hours to get unbanned (yeah, I got banned and it was deserved, this is not a dating app, what a perv am I..)

I feel... strange? Not shitty but strange. I also did this to avoid a difficult situation I'm in professionally. I'm late on a project and the next one starts in a week... I should spend all my time working, I spend it on sexy pictures instead, I feel like giving up, I'll never be on time and this will have shitty consequences: I'll have to work all weekends..

What the fuck was I thinking... I deserve much better than this. My girlfriend also do. Of course I am attractive! No need to ask strangers for nudes on apps that arent meant to this at all! I deleted everything, the pictures, the account.


Gosh writing it feels good... I'm not the loser I've been in the last few days!


Much love to all my struggling brothers here. You guys are the best. You're on the right track. Keep going

22
Porn Addiction / Re: NEW VID: BASICS OF ADDICTION BRAIN SCIENCE
« on: September 21, 2019, 11:55:39 AM »
Thank you Gabe, you're the chosen one.

I'm so glad you're still doing awesome stuff for this community so many years later. Much love to you, I hope the best for you

23
Porn Addiction / Re: porn, dating and Grindr
« on: September 21, 2019, 11:42:43 AM »
go to gay bars and clubs

Those apps will only make you feel lonelier and lonelier. Go get some real connections - it's harder but it's worth it.

PS: having an orgasm will break the "O" part of no PMO, it is a bad idea if you're early in the process but as times comes, having real sex is a good thing and is part of the "rewiring" process (once you unwired your brain from porn, you wire it to real sex again)

24
Ages 20-29 / Re: Joyful journal
« on: October 05, 2018, 09:26:59 AM »
Relapsed today, twice :/

Tiredness from going out + no goal for the day + being horny from chaser effect lead to this.
I don't know what to do or think anymore

25
Ages 20-29 / Re: Joyful journal
« on: October 05, 2018, 02:54:44 AM »
Day 7 without PMO
Last O was with my girlfriend 2 days ago
I've had cravings for the last 3 days.

I went out yesterday. I feel good.

I've seen a (french) video where the guy talks about sexual energy and refocusing it from sex to other things (ie your goals).
You can achieve great things if you focus your energy on it.
It made me understand something : I'm highly focused on sex. I care a lot what girls around me think about me, I look a lot at the girls in bars - sometimes stopping to listen to the people talking to me, being more focused on a stranger' ass. I crave the validation from girls.
I have insecurities about growing old and no longer be able to seduce sexy girls. Those are just negative thoughts that I must stop.
Part of it is because when I was single I used to go to bars to pickup girls, I have a lot of good memories from this and I kinda miss it.
At the moment I'm self conscious about my body because I'm not as good looking as I used to. (went from too skinny to muscular to normal/thin, my body is now soft)

So... let's focus! (on getting my diploma, spending time with friends, and becoming a MUSCLE MACHINE again!)

Hope you're doing well brothers  8) 8)

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