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Messages - FelineX

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Teens / Re: The time is NOW
« on: July 02, 2016, 11:00:58 AM »
Hi ladies and gents, it's me and after almost two monthsof being in active I am back again and wants to continue my journey. I just talked to a girl whom was highschool sweet heart and we are doing pretty good. I want to try once again to reboot for myself and for her. I want to be at my best for her and this will be the first step. August 20 will be her birthday and I want to give her the most special gift I can give her (no it is not what you think lol). I just want to be myself to her and prove to her that I can change. So I will approach the upcoming 7 weeks with a goal in mind. Hope you help me in my journey.

Teens / Re: Life is too short to be wasted
« on: May 26, 2016, 06:48:09 AM »
DAY 0: I relapsed but the thing is I will still continue. I know I will fail more than I will succeed but if it is the only way then I will do it. I will be writing here more consistently but will not really focus on the addiction it self but on recovery. I will also be not too harsh on to myself. What caused my relapsed today was anxiety about my exams and having nothing to do so I will let myself use the internet in moderation and always try to focus on improving things.

Teens / Life is too short to be wasted
« on: May 22, 2016, 07:23:15 AM »
Hello everyone. First off, I am a 19 year old man just like you struggling with porn addiction. To kick things off, I was clinically diagnosed with OCD year 2014 and found out that I am addicted to porn about a year and a half ago. My earliest exposure to porn was when I was around 5 years old and believe it or not I don't know why but that instance is still clear in my mind. I saw stash of porn magazines owned by my step father and just looked at it. After that I learned how to masturbate around 12 years old and started watching porn then. I mentioned my OCD because I think it has a vital role why I became addicted. I was raised as a Christian so watching porn is taboo and yet despite all the shame and the anxiety that I get every time I watch I still continue. When my OCD started to flare up, that was the time that my porn consumption is getting out of control. I just can't seem to control it. It's like it was my escape from the irrational thoughts in my mind that I can't control. Luckily my OCD is now under control. I am under a maintainance antidepressant which really helped me a lot. However, there still my addictions. Yes addiction. In my opinion I am not only addicted to pornography but to the internet itself. Social media and other stuffs in the internet where the substitute if I can't watch porn. I play online games to the point that I even skip class just to continue playing. I am a big time procrastinator as in serious procrastination. Are you seeing the pattern? The problems that keeps on bugging me works in harmony to keep me stuck in life. Procrastination makes me think of postponing my reboot every now and then, internet addiction serves as a substitute to porn although sometimes I really crave porn. I tried to reboot so many times but I am not giving my all. I went into a 105 days streak a few months ago and now I can't even stay clean for  about a week. I've been thinking lately, what should I do? Should I cure my procrastination first? My other addictions? But It cannot be. I need to take them down before they took over my life. I am on the verge of failing subjects (btw I'm an incoming 4th year Engineering student). My addictions destroyed my life, my relationships with my friends and family, my dreams. It's hindering me from achieving what I want to achieve. I want to reboot not because of my Homosexual OCD anymore or my lost of interest to real women but because I want to regain my life. I relapsed so many times and I am not afraid for another failure or maybe a victory at last. I am not that committed to my rebooting before. I don't give it my all. Now, I will do my best no matter how many times I'll fall. I'll stand up and keep going. No matter how many rebooters here fail and get affected by their situation and relapse, I will not quit. I or should we say we have no choice. We only have to options, either stop porn and regain our lives or let the porn rule over. I am choosing the former. I want to be happy, that genuine happiness I experienced before when I was a child. I want to regain control of my life. And I want you to know that we are family here. We got each other's back. If I made to past 100 days you can to and I can do it again. We just need to make sure that every time we fail we assess what went wrong and move forward. Today marks the beginning of the true journey. Journey to living life.

Starting today, I am committing my self to a 90 day no PMO for the preliminary part and maybe if I have the control over my masturbation I can do it after 90 days. I will be also deleting my social media accounts (facebook, twitter, tinder etc.) and have internet connection to my personal computer and my laptop for the duration of my 90 day preliminary period. I'll be thinking of ways on how can I moderate my internet and computer usage since I can't stop using it with regards to emails, school stuffs etc. I will also limit my gaming time around 3 hours per day then gradually reducing it by 30 minutes every two weeks.With regards to my procrastination I don't know yet what should I really do. To be honest it is way harder than rebooting. I'll update you about that.

DAY 0 ladies and gentlemen. Have faith in yourself and believe that we can. Good day and hope I inspired you.

Teens / Re: The time is NOW
« on: May 20, 2016, 07:33:31 AM »
MOOD 1/10 LIBIDO 5/10

I'm having a pretty rough start. I just sad I don't know why. Well sometimes the thoughts of watching porn is coming back so I decided to deactivate my facebook again. But the thing is atleast I survived this day.

Teens / Re: The time is NOW
« on: May 18, 2016, 08:55:48 AM »
DAY 6 - MOOD: 2/10 LIBIDO: 2/10

I just started writing a journal again. I'll be posting my story by sunday. My mood-o-meter and libido meter sums up my day. I'm really down, confuse and cannot think properly. I am usually like this but it became more frequent when I subject myself to reboot. I am not only eliminating porn but also my facebook usage which makes it even harder. I don't really have the urge to PMO but I am bracing myself for the upcoming urge/s since reboot is not a linear process.

Teens / The time is NOW
« on: May 18, 2016, 08:44:35 AM »
Hi, I'm an American teen struggling from porn addiction since age 12. I have tried to reboot and failed most of the time. I've been trying to recover for almost 2 years now. I sometimes felt hopeless but the thing is there is only one way out and that is to get rid of my porn addiction. Why do I want to quit porn. I felt that porn really stops me from reaching my maximum potential. I am so socially anxious, have no confidence, no motivation in things that I used to love to do, poor in building relationships etc. These are the reasons why I want to quit porn. What makes it hsrf for me to reboot is that I don't change  anything in my life. Now I will approach it in a different way and I hope that I will succeed.

Porn Addiction / If you are losing hope? read this one.
« on: March 05, 2016, 02:36:14 AM »
Hi, my real life name is Victor and I am from the Philippines. I've been trying to reboot for almost two years and for the first time I will reached my first milestone. The journey wasn't easy obviously because it took me 2 years to do it but it is not impossible. I am just hours away from reaching 90 days without porn. You are free to reply and ask questions and I'll answer them. the 90 day journey is only the beginning. To tell you honestly, I'm quite depressed now not because I have urges to watch porn but because I have a sense of urgency to fix my life. Whenever you reached this point, the porn is not the problem anymore but it's how you live your life. Let me give you a comparison, it's like when porn was not part of my daily living anymore it left a big hole in my self and that hole needs to be filled up but with the right and essential things. I scrutinized myself and found out what are the things that I need to fix further and I need to add in my life. I came up with some of it. My studies, my relationships with other people and my confidence. Although I didn't contribute that much because I seldom post or write on my journal but this time I need your help. First of all, my confidence now is like freaking reaching the floor. I have no guts now. I can say that I am a pretty good looking person but then my acne gives me problem. I've been to a dermatologist yesterday and let's see how my treatment goes. Another thing, I met a girl about a month ago and I really like her as a person and I want to know her more. We are going to meet on teusday and I'm kinda nervous aside from me being so conscious on how I present my self to her is the fact that I am just an average person and she is rich. It's like breaks my ego because she has so many suitors and they are all have cars and some shit and me? I'll I have is myself. I need to finish college first before providing her of what she wants. Another point is in my studies, I do well before but now I am just pure garbage. Low grades, low self esteem, acne, egoistic personality. I really want to know your thoughts about it and how am I going to surpass it. Thank you for reading and reply if you have questions!

Porn Addiction / 44 days not into porn
« on: January 20, 2016, 07:15:18 AM »
I just wanna share how my journey getting out of the abyss of porn addiction. December 6, the day that when I decided, I wanna gift myself this Christmas and New year and that is to be free from porn. I set my counter exactly 33 days after that day was my birthday. It was the greatest gift that I am capable of giving myself. Being free. Now, I am on day 44, it was hard but I would never ever go back, it's like it came to the point that I got really tired of the never-ending cycle of porn addiction because the anxiety that I get from using porn weigh more than how reboot affects me now. I will admit, I'm kinda depressed, although I was clinically diagnosed with OCD. MY so called Gay OCD or HOCD kicks more often because its just wants me to go back to porn to prove that I am a man. It's painful, so painful. I really desire to have like relationship with a girl but I know myself that as of now I can't because how miserable I am. Withdrawal symptoms suck but getting back to porn is a no no. To be honest, I feel numb about porn like I don't seek it but the problem is I am also numb about everything. But remember, we must be strong. Always keep your guards up. Another point to remember. maybe the number of days do matter for like the first 2 to 3 weeks but after that just like view it as a reward because abstaining from porn is different from rebooting. That was my mistake when I thought that yes I made to 55+ days then only to find out I am just abstaining. FIX YOUR LIFE. REMEMBER, PORN WAS JUST A SYMPTOM. What disease? Having a shitty life. Fix and live our lives. We are the only one responsible for it.

Porn Addiction / Re: 1 month wall
« on: December 31, 2015, 01:31:48 PM »
Don't fight the urge or the thought (kinda strange advice but you'll see the logic behind it) recognize the urge, examine it by asking yourself, "why am I having this kind of craving. What triggered me? What are the reasons why I am not giving in to the temptation?" And many other questions until the urge calms down. It's like instead of perceiving it as a threat just approach it as an ally. The tension that builds us resisting the urge so much is so painful that will just drag us further to relapse. It's part of mindfulness. You need to train your unconcious not to rely on porn. Willpower is useless here to an extent because remember, it runs through our unconcious. And my best advice, just think of the reason why are you rewiring. It will really relieve the tension you feel right now.

Porn Addiction / Almost 3 weeks into reboot
« on: December 26, 2015, 11:09:06 AM »
I'm in almost 3 weeks of reboot. For me it was the hardest 20 days of my life since I have attempted to reboot almost 2 18 months ago. I've reached like 55 days without porn but it's pretty useless because I am just abstaining from porn and not removing it to my life. Yes I manage to be on a 20 day streak but tbh I masturbated for like 3 times in 3 days and I need to stop the bleeding. Even though I didn't use porn it kinda slows down my progress.  That's why now I am expressing myself. The question that I asked myself was why I become an addict. We usually take the reboot process when we came to the point that we are noticing that there's something wrong like you ED, delayed ejaculation, depression, ocd etc. The number one reason why I wanted to quit pornography and other addictions is that I want to regain control of myself. I want to live life and the first wall is my porn addiction. I know many people there lose hope because they are tired. Buddy, I am not yet fully recovered but we can do this. Don't lose hope. No matter how many times you relapse and binge just don't fucking quit. There is only one way out. No other way. Either you have sex with a real person or jack off infront of your screen. Just don't lose hope. We always tend to exaggerate things like I have attempted to reboot for like a million times and I failed well it's unlikely that you have attempted a million times but even though that is true, why not try one more time. I tend to find results at a very early stage of reboot without realizing that results come last, it is the mastery which is more important.

Tl;dr - don't lose hope. Just try and try. Think of it as a battle along the shore. You will burn your ships that you used yo get there and the only way to stay alive is to defeat the enemy. Just don't quit. Everything will be alright.

Porn Addiction / The viscious cycle - How do I stop it
« on: December 06, 2015, 09:23:24 AM »
(English is not my native language so pls be kind with regards to my grammar.)

Hi im victor, and I've been struggling to quit porn for almost 2 years now.

I've been here for a quite a while now. I've made several accounts because whenever I got frustrated I tend to either abandon or delete my account. We all have different reasons on why we want to quit but there's only one way to surpass our porn addiction, a reboot. But how? Seriously I really need words of wisdom. It's like I'm this never ending agony. All I want is to live life. Without porn.

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