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Messages - steadyrock

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Ages 20-29 / Re: To become and feel what i thought was never real.
« on: July 01, 2020, 04:16:48 PM »
Day 3

I have been doing an hypnosis made by Noah Church, i think its working very well.

Ages 20-29 / Re: Butterflies
« on: June 30, 2020, 01:13:03 PM »
Hello Gideon,

Despite the relapse you did well. And you are still on it! Dont give up because you are still on it! You dont have enough reason to give up! Its part of the journey, you are already doing well. Keep going. I would suggest to you to learn how could be more in touch with your self. By learning a specific type of meditation... like vipassana. It has alot of things that can benefit us. Also, physical exercise is very good for the brain. There is a book called "Spark" by John Ratey that speaks about the effects of exercise on the brain, and there is a section solely dedicated to cure addiction. John Ratey says that to help people to recover from addiction its advisable to do exercise daily for at least half an hour. I have already tried it and its real, it works.

Good luck man, be brave!

Ages 20-29 / I have always been the maker of my life
« on: June 30, 2020, 01:04:21 PM »
Day 2

Today, got some triggers... not working efficiantly as i always wanted in my life. Not feeling happy at all, having nothing in my life to feel happy for... just one thing, but its not something that we should look for as our main source of happiness.. specialy  when i am not at peace with myself.  I feel depressed, slow, dementia, with no reasons in my conscious to keep working for what i am working on.
I feel like i am completly alone... why would i work and gather resources in my life and stuff if i dont have anybody to share with? someone that understands me and feels me. I feel like that i dont have anything to live for, i am not exagerating. Its just what i feel.

I know it is at least better to just keep going with dignity and alone, than losing my remaining humaness and dignity in myself and still being alone.

I have two people in my life that i love but we arent seeing each other for a while due to the pandemic. My father and a girl.

This woman that i love is just suffering because of me and i didnt realised it before until now. I didnt know that i was being desconnected from myself and therefore from her because of the addiction. That disconnection with our humanness made me be a shell and treat her with more value to her body and not giving/seeing the real value of her, which is her it self, her being, herself. Because i wasnt "seeing" her, i wasnt giving the real value that she has in my life. I never mistreated her, and ill never be that person to no one. But part of me rejected part of her continuously because i was giving value to stuff doens really matter... all because i was desconnected.

Running away from ourselfs by going compulsivly on facebook, youtube, shopping, PMO( the damn worst) its a humanity breaker...everything that makes us dessociate from ourselfs is a humanity breaker.


Ages 20-29 / The results of my own doing.
« on: June 29, 2020, 03:14:20 PM »

This is a far more serious problem than i ever thought. I am completly scared and terrified. I just read a post(there are lots of good posts for men to read) on the section, Partners of Rebooters and Addicts. Its the first post of the section, i just read the post and its comments. I got completly devastated. I dont want to become a human being that doesnt have any ability at all to do emotional management and to really care for others. I already am suffering the consequences of my actions of over a decade of this addiction. I dont want to lose what i have left of my humanness and rational thinking.

The penis issue and being weird around people and have no motivation for anything in life is just the tip of the iceberg.

I have already hurt people that i love because of this addiction, and i was unaware of it. I dont want to become and i dont want to be nothing soo low and bad, and soo vile, because of the concequences of my own actions( use of P).

Now I am suffering the concequences of my actions and its painfull. But it feels good to wake up.

I advise you guys to read alot from that section. The more you get awake the more you take this seriously.

Ages 20-29 / Re: To become and feel what i thought was never real.
« on: June 28, 2020, 05:55:53 AM »
Thanks for your words Mybrainneedsreboot.

Day 0

The last streak went till 4 or 5 days, and before that i went till 14 days. This is hell on earth to be slave of this and not being able to have a normal life, full of inocence and purity. Did i lost myself? What is seen can not be unseen, what is heard cannot be unheard. Sometimes i wish i could experience a little how it was back then when i was a child, a pure mind.

I need to find a porpuse for life, a dream, something to work for, to live for. Something with meaning, a meaning that only i know.
 Follow a vision, longing  for a home , the so awaited home. I must not lose clarity of mind on the way, i must not forget the meaning, the why that i want to do this. 

Ages 20-29 / Re: To become and feel what i thought was never real.
« on: June 14, 2020, 09:07:16 AM »
Hi Mybrainneedsreboot, yes. I think it is great, but i know that it is not natural and it was created based on frustration, disapointment and hurt, it is the same situation as me.  It is great because we can feel powerfull again be capable of building our lifes. It is also shit, because it just shows how uncapable we men are(the men who follows MGTOW) of knowing how to be firm with women and of not being capable of acceapting her nature. I want to understand them, absolutly, i dont want to believe that it is pure evil(i am refering to a wise girl/lady/woman with good integrity because those still do certain things that may be perceived as evil but still has it reasons... the rest of women that i dont refer to can be really bad people). For now i just now that it is obvious that it is not the best way on the long run, because it is not part of nature, and also it is great to focus on our lifes for a specific amount of time. It is a great tool. Thats what it is, a great tool.

Never! the extremes will never be the best way too solve our problems. The best way to solve our problems is always to have an open mind so that there is no problem on stoping what we are doing that serves us no good.

Ages 20-29 / Re: To become and feel what i thought was never real.
« on: June 14, 2020, 06:47:40 AM »
MGTOW is a good way of life. It is very helpful to build our lifes by bringing pure focus on to it.

Day 9

Ages 20-29 / Re: To become and feel what i thought was never real.
« on: June 14, 2020, 04:54:21 AM »
Hello, I finished day 7 and almost finishing day 8, its about to finish within a few minutes.

I have been doing physical exercise everyday, meditation as well(not so well made),doing cold showers as well. Its bringing good results. I am starting to feel flatline, which is a good sign.

Yesterday at the end of the day, i felt a sudden loneliness and fear of losing some people of my life... people that had a huge impact in my life but that i almost dont talk to them nowadays. I am regretting so much for pushing them away from my life. I now dont know what the consequences are going to be for certain, i hope pray and wish that i can talk with them without sounding strange. But there are alot of things that arent right in my life that wouldnt help in it either. Because of this fear, in the middle of the night i started to rub myself against the mattress but i was fortunate enough to become aware of myself and stop myself from ruining the work that i have been putting on my brain for the past 8 days.

I wish you all, all the wisdom needed in the right time so that you can avoid making mistakes like pushing people away from you life that you werent supposed to. Just be genttle with people, but dont grasp them. Never grasp them.

Wish you all the best.

Day 8 almost finished...==>Day 9

Ages 20-29 / Re: To become and feel what i thought was never real.
« on: June 12, 2020, 03:28:07 AM »
Yesterday was a very draining day. Because my neighbor was making too much noise i went to talk with him to ask him to lower down his music volume. It was a mess, i went to a very nervous state and he saw everything that i was shaking and really mad of his selfish attitude. It was very draining. The rest of the day wasnt productive as i was ruminating on what i did and what he did wrong. I am a mess on conflits. Have some traumas from my childhood that dont help at all.

I felt during the day and also now that i am starting to fail to
Wanting to change. It hurts my brain to let go for ever those images that were part of my imagination and fantasies. I just dont know what to do with my life if i just let them go forever.
It makes me face huge negstive beliefs that i have since childhood that nobody wants me and wants to be with me. The only one who stayed with me and that was in my reach without denying me was my imagination.

Day 6 is done and currently on day 7

Ages 20-29 / Re: To become and feel what i thought was never real.
« on: June 10, 2020, 01:06:34 PM »
I have been keeping physical exercise, meditation and mindfullness of my time in the last 3 days. I am getting a little tired, my sleep quality isnt the best to restore my brain, and its making me feel fearfull to keep going, because it hurts a little.
Meditation is still a mess. But the small results that i am getting are already satisfactory.
Day 5

Ages 20-29 / Re: It hurts to let go, but now I have no choice.
« on: June 10, 2020, 12:57:05 PM »
Thats great! In the book he also says that the "secret" to grow your brain cells through exercise is to make it fun. Make it fun. Your own way!

Ages 20-29 / Re: It hurts to let go, but now I have no choice.
« on: June 09, 2020, 03:31:21 PM »
That was a very unique a sincere post. Very sincere, that is brave. I dont know if you like it or not... i strongly advise you to do daily physical exercise, it just makes wonders. There was a time that i had a stationary bicycle and i used it for the sole purpose of rebooting, and it did very good and did not make me avoid exercise as it was very easy to just sit and move your legs... which is very inviting. There is a book called "Spark" by John Ratey, where  he talks about physical exercise for the sole benefit of the brain with very real content. In that book theres a section dedicated to addictions and he talks about people who got out of heavy substances addictions by starting running. But it is not solely possible by running, you can do alot different things... like cycling.  He says in the book that the preferable amount of time of exercising to help to reshape the brain is aproximaly 30mins per day. I already did it in the past, and it works very well, it is real. HE talks also about the selfcontrol part of the brain restores itself  in a way so that you can get more control of ourselfs. He talks about that it helps to fight dementia, lack of focus(about memory i dont remember but i think it also improves with exercise).

Other thing that i advise is start learning about yourself. What makes you really anxious? And makes me stop being anxious? For example, i found out about me that wasting my time with distractions or stuff that doesnt really mean much to me and not using my time, my life time, to do stuff that has real meaning to myself.... just drives me crazy and very anxious. I just relax and dont think about  the addictions(i completly forget they exist)when i feel that i am using my life that has limited time to do, build, achieve things that are the meaning of my life. Sorry for the long reading.

I found this about me because i saw this video on youtube:

"Why Purpose and Discipline Promote Psychological Well-Being"

And i saw another one as well, i dont know if this is helping or not but i just make sure that you at least get to see that these videos exist.

"The Psychology of Self-Transformation"

These are from the channel "Academy of Ideas"

Ages 20-29 / Re: To become and feel what i thought was never real.
« on: June 09, 2020, 12:03:04 PM »
Today has been a bad day, i did mistakes around rebooting. Got distracted with youtube and certain types of videos about MGTOW with certain images that didnt do any good to my brain. It was my fault. I got distracted with it because i was tired of work on a project and instead of doing something else in order to rest, i went to youtube, and facebook.  Those were mistakes of today.

I have been doing physical exercise daily, which is helping alot to my brain. Meditation as well, but i am still not very good at it, but once i get minimum understanding of it, and how to do it ok, i think it will do good. I have been doing cold showers as well at the end of the shower, not all of it.

Yesterday i got really pumped from thinking of not wasting my time with unimportant stuff for my self, and so i just started making a really good use of my time, which felt really good. Because of that i slept i little better but not enough to recover totally.

What i did was physical exercise, cold showers, meditation, and focusing on the idea of our time being limited. It made me work much more focused and better. And it made me stop feeling anxious for a few hours.  Feeling that i am not making a good use of my time drives me crazy and very anxious. Life runs and never comes back. Its one trigger.

Day 4

Ages 20-29 / Re: To become and feel what i thought was never real.
« on: June 08, 2020, 12:21:26 PM »
Hi Mybrainneedsreboot, thanks for the word. Yes it is being difficult. Certain things arent going well right now. Just keep it going.

Dont stop, change what you have been doing whatever that is that makes you feel anxious or frustrated with life. You have to change the stuff that you are already doing daily that makes you have addictions. I am not talking about the this addiction, i am talking about what were you supposed to be doing and you are not doing it.

I saw a good video that brought some light over this questions, i will name it:

"Why Purpose and Discipline Promote Psychological Well-Being" on youtube by Academy of Ideas, and another one very good is
"The Psychology of Self-Transformation"

I strongly advise you to watch it.

Day 3

Ages 20-29 / Re: To become and feel what i thought was never real.
« on: June 07, 2020, 12:08:14 PM »
Thanks blerasdcru for the words. I currently have no other thing that inspires me to change besides myself, my soul.
I hope to remember about myself, my real self along the journey that is laying ahead. I am not used to have faith on myself, i have no doubts that everyone that is willing to pull this through will inevitable learn to have faith in him self. it will be just a matter of time and courage.
I wish you all the best, including not getting dependable on other peoples approval and attention. Keep going! Good luck and have faith.

Day 2.

Ages 20-29 / To become and feel what i thought was never real.
« on: June 06, 2020, 08:27:50 AM »
Hello, i am not new to this forum. I have been "trying" to have a diferent life for the last 5 years... but i didnt do any good. Lots of things were lost others kind of preserved... but nothing good.

I am writing here with the intention to address this problem that has done nothing good to my life. I have lost alot, maybe much more than what i can bear. Maybe i lost certain things that were everything for me and i dont know it ou realised it yet.

I am 26years old, i have been on this since i was 12yo.

I dont believe i can rebuild myself in a year, or 2 or 3 and 5. I dont believe that it is possible at all. But in 10 years, at least i feel that maybe i can.

This belief of being a too late case to save, is what pushes the negative future if i just keep not believing.

If i dont believe it wont be possible.

After some hours of procratination on posting this, i feel much better. I realised how sad that writing was. But i will keep it that way to remind myself of this problem. Keep looking towards your dreams. Dont stop.

Remember all of you, you have to believe and let go the oldways. You have to let go the fear.

This is my day 1.

I wish you all that you never forget who you really were all this time. This in the end is all about you, nobody else.

Ages 20-29 / Re: January 1st its gonna be 120 days
« on: September 27, 2017, 05:27:23 AM »
Again i failed.  At least now i got a tracker. Ill begin a new post with a proper introduction. This one gone for me.

Ages 20-29 / Re: January 1st its gonna be 120 days
« on: September 26, 2017, 11:59:25 AM »
Day 4

Very sketchy, stared and some stuff on the internet, lol. But going. It looks as if i am trying to control a car but the sonofabitch dont give a fuck.

Ages 20-29 / Re: January 1st its gonna be 120 days
« on: September 24, 2017, 05:02:24 PM »
Hi Jack Can,

I never took it seriously when that idea showed up, i believe i am not brave enough to go forward with such thing. I know that ill have to decide to go forward with it one day. But i do believe i shouldnt do that because i want to get peace between me and my parents. Leaving this house with unsolved issues wont help me much, as i already went to study abroad for years and wasnt at peace and i knew deep down that it all was connected to this issue.

Ages 20-29 / Re: January 1st its gonna be 120 days
« on: September 24, 2017, 12:22:29 PM »
Day 2

Nothing special beyond feeling lost. I noticed that while i am on reboot i am not that good to make decisions as i often tend to be think differently from when i am "relaxed" and "reliefed".

Ages 20-29 / Re: January 1st its gonna be 120 days
« on: September 23, 2017, 05:28:40 PM »
Well i got hopeless one day and relapsed. I had i huuge fight with my mom, and got very hopeless about my future. It was as if everything was meaningless. BUt i am back.

Today was DAY 1. I am looking forward for a different aproach to my life, because this has become a god damn cicle. I need to express myself freely without instead of PMOing. Still, feel the gains that i earned from those 16 days, more head on on decision making, and learned some stuff. Progress.

Ages 20-29 / Re: January 1st its gonna be 120 days
« on: September 18, 2017, 05:29:22 PM »
 :) Yea she did, even if only a tiny bit. Next time ill be more me dispite fears

Ages 20-29 / Re: January 1st its gonna be 120 days
« on: September 18, 2017, 03:48:14 PM »
Day 15

Today i went running, and one of two girls who were walking in the opposite way greeted me saying "hey whats up" and i cowardly made my self looking very tired and only said to her, "hi" with a pretended effort, and keept running. I am afraid of being myself, and get nervous and anxious because i dont know if i am going to be able to hide myself, and then i am even more afraid of showing to other people that i am afraid and nervous, it becomes a chaos. At least i know that if i just dont give up and do something about my life, it will be just a matter of time. She was pretty. Both of them.

"Step into the fire of self-discovery. This fire will not burn you, it will only burn what you are not"  Moji

Good luck

Ages 20-29 / Re: What the hell is going on
« on: September 18, 2017, 10:47:26 AM »
Yeap, you are not alone. The thing i am starting to do is meditation, because it helps alot, i already tried it once in a consistent basis and it did wonders to the brain. Now i am restarting again with meditation. It is preferable doing it everyday at the hour of the day, just that and the effects will be much stronger.

Dont stop, good luck pal

Ages 20-29 / Re: January 1st its gonna be 120 days
« on: September 16, 2017, 01:01:10 PM »
Day 12

Yesterday i had lots of anxiety and stress because i wanted to figure out what i want in life and nver was sure of what it was, and that forced me to question it...I ended finding out that i am not doing or aproaching what really is important or relevant to me, i was avoiding it and then telling myself(without being aware of it) that i was lost in life, so that i wouldnt have to face the fact that i was running away from it. And then by running away from it it made me anxious and stressfull, irritable and so on, and those feelings would trigger me to PMO.

Then i figured out what is really important to me and anxiety and that feeling of emptiness desappeared for a few moments, and in their place i felt lots of energy and entusiasm, damn it was a great finding. Could only find what really mattered to me because predispose myself with mindset that i can do anything that i want to do. I keept repeating that thought to myself while trying to figure out what i wanted and then it showed up, and it resonated hugely.

I believe in this because, its already a fact that if you use a neuron/thought of sadness, it will only be linked to neurons/thoughts that are associated with that feeling of sadness, like the neuron of crying. And with neurons/thoughts that gives you a feeling of power&freedom, it will link to other neurons associated to the feelings/thoughts/actions of something that you want to do, because we only do the stuff that we do because we believe that we can do it.

Day 13

Today was gratifying to have a few fullfiling interactions, it was good, but still feel fearfull to be myself and become exposed. I was suprised on how people interacted with me in a slightly different way. I am becoming more resilent not much because of the reboot but because i had to write this text in elaborate way for the second time as the page refreshed it self and ended up losing it and finding that i was log off due to long  time being log in. Its not the first time xD

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