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Messages - SimpleSimon

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1
Ages 30-39 / A new Look at addiction...
« on: July 31, 2016, 01:37:08 PM »
I saw this today and thought about you all on here trying to get over my addiction with Porn...

http://ed.ted.com/featured/Hm9X3Yrt


2
Ages 30-39 / Re: My Wife Is about to leave me because of Porn
« on: June 25, 2016, 03:28:24 AM »
Hi All,

Its been 22 days since I fap'ed... :) However, I did try to fap two nights ago and well it just didn't feel right... I can't explain it, but I just didn't like the way my penis felt... I know its mine and I should love the feeling but I could not get over how strange it felt in my hand. Has anyone experienced this? I mean it's a good thing as I don't want to fap but to feel weird about my penis like that...

However, things with my wife have still not improved. We went through a patch of "good", but she is no longer talking to me... However This may be as I pushed too hard to get her to like me again so now I have backed off and only speak to her when she speaks to me.

We are still in the same house and sleep in the same bed and she still wears her wedding rings... So these are good things...right

She also asked me what have I don't to keep our marriage alive. And it only occurred to me today that It was not one thing I did, but a continuation of every day trying to make her happy...

Anyway, I am starting to discover myself during this time of pain... I am trying to find things that make me happy and concentrating on myself also the longer that I go without porn or fap the less nasty thoughts I have... I am starting to feel cleansed in my head. Starting to "feel" again and when I look back to see how "emotionally dead" I was towards people. I am not sure if this was to do with the Porn or my potental breakup with my wife that has caused me to reflect on myself but all in all its been a positive experience to "me"

I miss my wife dearly and love her more than anything in the world, but I have done a terrible thing by betraying her trust with pixels for the whole time I have been with her... She probably will never trust me again but that is my fault!

22 Days people and I am still alive!


3
Ages 30-39 / Re: My Wife Is about to leave me because of Porn
« on: June 06, 2016, 04:20:11 PM »
Hello,

@Viffer: did you find someone useful? I always thought the counselor were a waste of time. I always thought that this forum was more of help than anything else

@ SimpleSimon: I have been reading quite a lot of posts but I have sometimes had the feeling that porn is not always the cause of everything....If I had said to my partner I am addicted, she would have just said solve it out yourself.....Again - there are pros and cons to everything but I am not sure if talking too women always helps. I kind of think it is waste of time - sorry I do not mean it in any offensive way - just my experience is women do not want to listen to words, they want to see action. And sometimes I believe part of our problem is we have been educated too much in a female way that we want to discuss everything. So the question you need to ask yourself whether you love or not.  Do you want to save your marriage? If you do, then just show to your partner that you love her. What is the point in watching addiction videos with her? You can watch it on your own....maybe it is just my experience but whenever I talked too much too women, everything became more like friends. When I did action, then passion and love happened! If you kiss a women, you also do not ask for permission, you just do it. At least I never did. So just stay strong and do not put yourself into a victim position like: she is leaving me.   I have been the perfect Nice guy when I was young and so I never got any ladies. Once I stopped it and I started taking risks with women, women came to me.


:) I think actions at this point speaks more than words... Thanks for the advice like I said all is welcome!

4
Ages 30-39 / Re: My Wife Is about to leave me because of Porn
« on: June 06, 2016, 03:16:14 PM »
Really good book... Really has helped me see what I have been doing wrong and how to focus on my wife. The book does say that the key to success is to stop M all together.

It said that when you M you are committing adultery. As it explains that to cheat on your wife does not have to be a physical action. It can be a mental thing too...

On the wife side... We went for a walk together tonight. She did not say much to me, but there was communication... I explained what I was going to be doing from what I have learnt from the book. She seems interested. I think its more to do with I am making active choices to heal myself...

We still have a long way to go.


5
Ages 30-39 / Re: My Wife Is about to leave me because of Porn
« on: June 06, 2016, 05:01:00 AM »
Thanks for your words Blue.

I have reset my counter to 7 days. 75 days seems like a lifetime...

I just hope that things get better. We were really close on ending it yesterday, however the fact is I am still at home and still sleeping (no touching) in the same bed gives me hope.

I have started to read a book;
Every Man's Battle: Every Man's Guide to Winning the War on Sexual Temptation One Victory at a Time

It's very Christian related (and I am not) however it's a good informative read so far.

Sim

6
Ages 30-39 / Re: My Wife Is about to leave me because of Porn
« on: June 06, 2016, 01:41:51 AM »
HI All,

We had a big discussion yesterday and she definitely does not want to be with me. However, it looks like I am going to be given a chance...

She just cant see that we have a future and can't deal with this addiction on top of everything else.

It was so sad yesterday! I really do feel though if I get rid of this addiction, it would fix me and in turn fix us... And I want her to stick around till that happens. It it does not fix "us" by quitting then I would let her free... as it is not right.

Just hope I am making the right choice.

Sim

7
Ages 30-39 / Re: My Wife Is about to leave me because of Porn
« on: June 03, 2016, 03:03:12 AM »
Introspect; Thanks for your advice! It really matters to me as what you said makes sense to me.

What you said is totally true! I need to stick to no MB... I believe that MB is a catalyst to running back to watching pixels...

Thanks for the truthful words!

8
Ages 30-39 / Re: My Wife Is about to leave me because of Porn
« on: June 03, 2016, 01:07:39 AM »
I must stay that it's tough not staying sober while the one you care about is not talking to me... I mean she talks to me in replying to important questions, however she is not engaging in conversation.

One thing I have found is that I use some apps now to block my internet usage on my mobile phone and also on my computers... Its a good way of doing it, however when I do think about it, I think of a way around the block...

As it was my Birthday I masturbated last night... However, what I thought was weird is in my head, I was not thinking about porn images, however, images of real woman that I had seen in the past 3 days and my wife... Is this a sign of recovering as it felt healthy?!?
 

9
Ages 30-39 / Re: My Wife Is about to leave me because of Porn
« on: June 01, 2016, 02:47:13 AM »
Had a heavy talk last night with her. She said that she is living with me but is not with me.

Its also my birthday tomorrow and said that to tell our friends that she is working late.

I am hoping this is a part of the healing process, however, I have my doubts.

I also have been speaking about how Porn is addictive and she said that she does not care.... I had a small relapse because of it as it does not make it easy.

10
Ages 30-39 / Re: My Wife Is about to leave me because of Porn
« on: May 31, 2016, 08:33:48 AM »
Just added screentime parental control to my phone. I have placed a random password on it that is stored in a password locker.

The theory is that i dont know the password unless i go to my computer... My computer is locked from the internet for a few hours every night. So this will stop me being able to get onto the web in the first place. (so no access to the password)

The application i use on my computer is called Freedom. It blocks internet usage on request and on a timer. There is no way of disabling it unless you uninstall it.

This is going to help! I am sure and free me to do other things and I am excited about that!


11
Ages 30-39 / Re: My Wife Is about to leave me because of Porn
« on: May 31, 2016, 02:18:29 AM »
Hey all,

The help on here is amazing! I have been strong for a few days now and it is tough.

I have started to keep a journal and have set aside some time when I get home to do some meditation (I feel it gives me prospective) I also have started to write down the things I did during the day and things I would have done better... I read this is the "monk who sold his Ferrari"

As someone has said she has her ups and downs... The times she engages in conversation (yes, no answers) and other times she just does not want anything to do with me, however the way I am going to educate her is by watching informative self help videos on YouTube about porn and the addictive properties when she is in the room. Hopefully she will over hear this and start realizing that it was not her, but something that has been my demon since before I met her.

By making her listen it may open up some conversations... However, I am not looking for her forgiveness as I feel like I deserve every second of this pain, however her acceptance and with time her trust again....

With the exercise... I am an Ironman who dedicates allot of my time to running and cycling. What I have started to do is go for my runs at around the time she gets home. I get home about 2 hours before her and this was the time I would "suddenly come down from my office" from watching porn when she gets home... I find that this helps as she can see I am not doing it. I also text her to let her know that i am going (if i get a reply or not)...

On the plus side... I was talking to a friend here at work about my situation as he is going through some relationship issues too...He confessed to watching porn and I explained to him the affected of porn as he was doing exactly what I was doing... (As soon as she goes out he would watch its (sound familiar)) he was laughing at it so I dared him to stop for 2 days... he came back to me and said that he couldn't and that I may be right about the adictiveness of porn. I sent him a few low key video links from youtube and now agrees that porn is addictive... but he has decided that he does not want to stop watching as its his only release he has...

I think that as long as he knows that it's addictive and can be destructive I have done a good thing...

Simpleton



12
Ages 30-39 / Re: My Wife Is about to leave me because of Porn
« on: May 30, 2016, 11:14:29 AM »
Just my thoughts
Is the issue really that you caught on watching porn? Or is that just an excuse to your wife to ged mad on you?
Don't worry about your wife.
Start to improve yourself in other areas as well, not just in not fapping anymore.
And if not already
- Hit the gym, build muscle (gives you confidence)
- eat well
- sleep well
- connect with your friends
- keep away from computers, video games and netflix

Those things worked on me and my marriage also.

Thanks for this advice... It is something that I am starting to do and it's funny you mentioned Video games as she does not understand me playing...

But yes I have planned a work out plan to start tomorrow at my Gym so I think I am thinking on the right lines.

13
Ages 30-39 / Re: My Wife Is about to leave me because of Porn
« on: May 29, 2016, 07:25:12 AM »
I am so sad!

14
Ages 30-39 / Re: My Wife Is about to leave me because of Porn
« on: May 29, 2016, 04:08:00 AM »
Thanks all so much for the advice... I know it's strange, however my approach is to start watching the ted talks while she is in the room. She is really not engaging with me at all... Her girlfriend came over today and I didn't know if she saw her yesterday and didn't know how to make conversation.

I have said I am sorry so many times, but need to show her!

I have started to leave my phone in plain view when I go to the loo... I leave my computer unlocked infant of her (so if she wants to check she can check my history )

I have also been very open about it to her... And trying to work out a way that I can gain her confidence... It just seems to be getting worse and worse everyday.

For example, two days ago, she let me hug her when in bed. Last night she asked me to stop.


15
Ages 30-39 / Re: My Wife Is about to leave me because of Porn
« on: May 28, 2016, 01:15:18 AM »
Thanks all for the advice.. This is going to be taught... Essentially, I agree with pretty much all you have said.

We have spoken, however, not engaged in any meaningful conversation. I don't think understands or wants to put up with the Porn in anyway. She does not watch it or likes it and for some time I have been using it to release on.

And like every marriage, we have our underlying issues.

I have told her that I could not help it... And that it was something that I was compelled to do that it is and addicting, but I think she very strong minded and does not understand.

I just have to keep on trying...

I do believe that noFap is the way to go... If I don't Fap then I stop the "want" to go to look at the sites to watch.

Thanks for your support guys. I am going to take all advice on-board!

Love you all and thanks for the help

16
Ages 30-39 / My Wife Is about to leave me because of Porn
« on: May 27, 2016, 05:51:08 AM »
Hi All, This is not the first time I am writing on here.

I have been addicted to porn for a long time I even was caught once by my wife about 2 years ago and back then she almost left me.

And guess what I was caught again about a month ago... However, I can't seem to stop. I thought that if I can mastrabate it would be a good middle ground, however this keeps me going back to watching porn.. even on the brink of loosing everything I know that is safe I cant seem to get my mind right.

Well, my wife and I are again in a bad patch... The only hope I have is that she still wears her wedding rings, but she has not spoken to me for about 2 weeks and is getting worse. It would not surprise me that she will leave me now as she is taking me looking at pixels very personally and that she blaming what she perceives as her faults on why I wanted to watch porn.

I have decided that the only way for me is to go NOFAP...

Winning back her trust once was hard... If I can do the same the second time it will be a miracle!





17
Ages 30-39 / Re: 36yo male, divorced, 4yo daughter
« on: April 26, 2016, 01:23:18 AM »
Hi Latzus,

I have no idea if you are still out there... However, last night I got into trouble. I have relapsed for a while and I would actually say that this has been my worst "bindge" so far... I just had no escape and as I got back from my holiday with my wife and was able to perform fine, we get home I started to IT again and....problems.

I came clean with her last night... She said that she is waiting her good years with me....

I think this is my last chance with her. She has not left me, however me, however this addiction that I cannot speak to anyone about is ruining my life!

HELP!


18
Ages 30-39 / Re: Hi All! It all started at 16...
« on: October 13, 2015, 05:00:37 AM »
So it all fell apart,

This is insane how hard this is! I have completely relapsed. Made excuses that it was ok and if i just look at woman in swimsuits and panties would be ok... well it all just fell apart!

I am at a real low at the moment! FAPed this morning but want to do my reboot again... I want to get to 10 days... No FAP for 10 days no looking at porn or the lingere pages on some popular shopping websites...

you all have to be there for me and you all have to hold my hand for the next 10 days!

Let's do this all together
Sim

19
Ages 30-39 / Re: 36yo male, divorced, 4yo daughter
« on: October 13, 2015, 04:53:41 AM »
Hi Latzus,

Well done man!

My marriage is on edge because of my problem and don't like hearing that one went down the drain needlessly!

Stay strong and enjoy the freedom!

Respect
Sim

20
Ages 30-39 / Re: Hi All! It all started at 16...
« on: September 21, 2015, 06:00:44 AM »
Today I really want to do bad things!

I think that this afternoon I may take a long run to stay away from being alone in the house.

21
Ages 30-39 / Re: Hi All! It all started at 16...
« on: September 21, 2015, 02:58:00 AM »
Hi All... Hope you are all doing well!

22
Ages 30-39 / Re: Hi All! It all started at 16...
« on: September 11, 2015, 10:21:24 AM »
Thanks Passing River for the nice words!

Well had I sex with my wife last night and you know what I realised… That I can't have sex with her without thinking of P as if I didn’t I could not keep it up…

This is a realisation as I didn’t think that I had those symptoms, however, I clearly do and thinking back, I can't remember when “I was in the room” with her while having sex.

Sorry, all if you find my writing depressing, however there is a lot of self realisation and reflection going on in my head and I am sharing it with you all…

BUT

After all of this I watched some P this morning and Faped (think that’s the term) worst part of it all is as soon as I started to watch I was not even interested in it but could not stop! I am quite disappointed with myself. I kind of feel like that guy from “Don Jon” the movie.

23
**Forum Rules-Guidelines-Suggestions** / Suggestion for a live chat....
« on: September 10, 2015, 03:26:41 AM »
Hi All,

Could I request a live chat section... I could use a live lifeline sometimes. (Like now)!

Regards
Nommiiss

24
Ages 30-39 / Re: Hi All! It all started at 16...
« on: September 10, 2015, 01:37:12 AM »
5 Days!

Last night I realised that every time I watched pixels on the screen I was cheating… cheating my wife out of me as I was slowly being consumed!

So another good night last night. Had a friend come over to play some Guitar with me and then took a walk with my wife and told her I have stoped M… She looked at me strangely like a “year right” kind of look…

At the moment I feel calm, but there is a constant burning in my groin… it keeps reminding me that the beast is there and wants to play it keeps reminding me of the last image I saw on the screen that cute girl with her legs spread smiling at me with big blue eyes…. This image is keeping me strong as it’s a constant reminder that the smile is fake and I don’t know what colour her eyes really are… its just my brain telling me that it’s the best thing I have ever seen and it's wrong!

I was infrount of my computer today and thought about watching some P… I didn’t though, but I was so close in taking just a little look… I think if I did one little look would have turned out to be a little bigger look and then 30min would have passed and I would have M’ed…I know it!

Stay strong all! And remember everytime you watch P and M over P you are cheating at life and hurt you!

25
Ages 30-39 / Re: Hi All! It all started at 16...
« on: September 09, 2015, 06:55:43 AM »
4 Days today…

So had a good night last night...

Had the house alone last night (really tough) and kept myself busy building Lego (Yes I am 37)... I bought this Lego Crane about a year ago but "have not found the time" to build it http://shop.lego.com/en-GB/Mobile-Crane-MK-II-42009?kpid=42009

I only didn't have the time because I was wasting it looking at pixels!

BTW Lego is amazing distraction… just focus on one page in the instruction manual, then the next and the next… your mind “wonders” and you then tell yourself to look at the next page and just finish it etc….

Anyway, my wife was still off to me last night when she got home and she sounds like she is still off to me today… We are going to an outdoor movie tonight so lets see how things go. Hopefully better…

Still have a long way to go mending my mistakes!

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