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Messages - Lost Druid

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Ages 30-39 / Re: Back again
« on: July 09, 2016, 12:26:54 PM »
Still hanging on. Massive trigger on facebook. Major twitch action over here. Goddess grant me strength!

Ages 30-39 / Re: Back again
« on: July 07, 2016, 01:41:55 PM »
Feeling hopeless.

Ages 30-39 / Relapse question
« on: July 06, 2016, 01:40:04 AM »
I have used. I know that counts as a relapse. But I have also "taken care" of myself using thoughts and photos of my wife. Do those instances count as relapse?

Ages 30-39 / Back again
« on: July 06, 2016, 01:21:16 AM »
I was doing so good for so long. I fell off the wagon. I know what to do. Starting over sucks. I could try to justify this by saying it's because my sex life is in a low spot due to my wife's medications but that is just an excuse. I should be stronger than this. I sshoul be better than this. It's 2am and I'm sitting in the end of the bed because I woke up molesting my wife. I was having a dream that we were making love but my body read actually trying to participate. I feel like a total puece of shit.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Rock Bottom
« on: January 05, 2016, 02:25:10 AM »
No I didn't reset my counter because I relapsed. I wanted to start the new year with a new counter. I plan to post at least once a week with as many inspirational messages as I can find. This has been a hard road for me and I know is hard for many of you as well. My story is not finished. I will keep clean by trying to help as many people as I can keep clean. thank you for all the support. Keep the faith everyone!!

Ages 40 and up / Re: 57 yo addict
« on: November 30, 2015, 10:30:05 PM »
Glad to hear it brother. My Raven was the biggest player in me getting clean.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Rock Bottom
« on: November 30, 2015, 10:27:11 PM »
Been rough the past few days... Between my and my wife's schedule and family medical issues, and holiday stresses, intimacy has been put on the back burner. Trying to focus on other things but it ain't easy. Didn't really take this into account when starting... Getting clean was easy in retrospect... Staying clean is proving to be more of a challenge.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Rock Bottom
« on: November 05, 2015, 03:17:27 PM »
Back online. Still holding strong. Less than a week a way from 90 days!!!

Ages 30-39 / Re: Rock Bottom
« on: October 28, 2015, 09:30:06 PM »
Ain't stopping yet!

Ages 30-39 / Re: Rock Bottom
« on: October 19, 2015, 04:35:01 PM »
Been without service for the past week or so. Just piping in to say I'm still here and still strong. Keep the faith all!!!

Ages 30-39 / Re: I choose to live
« on: October 12, 2015, 08:07:29 PM »
We all stumble, sometimes we fall. The important thing is to keep getting up, wipe the blood from your face, and spit in the face of your addiction. You CAN do this.

Ages 30-39 / Re: New
« on: October 12, 2015, 08:04:25 PM »
It's different for each of us brother. My first 30 was pretty seeasy. The most recent 30 was worse. I still have a hard time sleeping sometimes, and at the start I had porn induced ED. Other than that I had no physical symptoms. This forum and the support of my friends, family, and wife kept me strong. We are all here for you never be afraid to reach out. Stay strong brother.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Rock Bottom
« on: October 12, 2015, 08:00:12 PM »
60 days!!!! Had a few almost slips. But still here and still strong. I've never been so proud of me.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Rock Bottom
« on: October 07, 2015, 09:56:44 PM »
Thanks to all of you. Without your support and the support of my wife and friend I would not be here. And a very big congrats to you too Bango almost up to 30 days again. Keep going brother

Ages 30-39 / Re: Rock Bottom
« on: October 05, 2015, 10:32:16 AM »
So as I close in in my 60 day mark I find my biggest obstacle is those moments when I have nothing to take up my attention. To avoid this I have decided to learn a new language. I found an app for Android that works like Rosette Stone but with out the insane cost lol. Spanish is my first goal. I don't plan to stop there. I have 8-10 other languages available to be and they are all free. Now instead of avoiding my phone I can use it to keep away from my drug AND better myself at the same time! Life is good, I mean really really good. I can't remember the last time I have been this happy. My Raven and I fall in love with each other every morning all over again, I'm spending more time with the kids, I'm thinking more clearly then I have in years. I am truely beginning to love myself. Stay strong and keep the faith everyone. If I can do this so can you!!!

Ages 30-39 / Re: Rock Bottom
« on: September 28, 2015, 11:49:34 AM »
I survived the storm. Lessons learned

Ages 30-39 / Re: Rock Bottom
« on: September 26, 2015, 01:04:43 PM »
So Raven and I tried something new last night with some friends... I learned that things that may be fun in the moment are not always a good idea... I feel alone in the dark again. I thought I was smarter than this...

Ages 30-39 / Re: I choose to live
« on: September 24, 2015, 04:10:37 AM »
My No. 1 suggestion to everyone in recovery, no matter what type is music. Find something that brings you peace. I recommend classical of folk "not that newer hipster shit but real folk" find something from you heritage, draw strength from those who have gone before you. My No. 2 suggestion relish every victory. Get your self some poker chips and number them 1-30, grab the next chip in line every day. It is a physical reminder of how far you have come. My No. 3 is faith. I don't care what you believe just believe it. Your God or Goddess or totem or whatever is a source of strength that can not be matched. Good luck on your journey brother. We are here for you.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Wolverine reborn
« on: September 24, 2015, 03:59:52 AM »
That's one of the things the industry would have up believe... That we are alone. An isolated addict is easier to control, to keep addicted. The only problem is they can only hide the truth for so long. Sometimes it's long enough but everyone here has seen the truth. They can not force us to consume. They can not force us to be alone. The have no power over us but what we allow them to have. Since I quit my "drive" is set to 11... My poor wife even in her roll as sub can hardly keep up. I love the energy I have now. I love my life again.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Rock Bottom
« on: September 24, 2015, 03:54:06 AM »
You ain't kidding brother. I'm finding I have more ambition too. I've started writing again, I've picked up some hobbies, and am reconnecting with friends.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Wolverine reborn
« on: September 19, 2015, 05:48:39 PM »
Remember brother its not a race. I look at as I will ALWAYS be in recovery. There is no "cure" for addiction. I'd rather go through life believing I'm an addict then go throw life numb believing I'm not. Stay strong. You can do this.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Rock Bottom
« on: September 19, 2015, 07:32:16 AM »
Had another big wow moment last night. On the 10th my data plan on my phone renewed. 1gig of high speed... In the past this would be gone in 24 hours or less. Nearly 9 full days later I finally ran out of my gig. I didn't realize I was consuming so much. I know it seems like a silly little thing but for me its something more.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Rock Bottom
« on: September 15, 2015, 11:54:00 PM »
Can't sleep.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Rock Bottom
« on: September 15, 2015, 08:26:50 AM »
Headed out of town to see my kids. It's hard to be away from home. I miss my Raven. Can't pass up the chance to see my boy though. Goddess give me strength

Ages 30-39 / Re: Rock Bottom
« on: September 12, 2015, 02:13:33 PM »
I can't think of anything I've done I years that I'm more proud of. Sorry for your slip bro but your still here and still fighting that's what counts. I just made my own 30 day chip to carry around lol.

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