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Messages - Bango Skank

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Ages 40 and up / Ah... just when you think you beat it...
« on: December 09, 2016, 07:21:13 PM » find you just beat off.

Pretty proud I have been 5 months clean, but today I fell off the wagon bigtime. Mind you, cocky prick that I am, I was dancing around on the edge yelling "wohooo look at me, no hands". Then the wagon hit a big bump and my arse hit the ground. Hard.

Don't get complacent guys. All it took for me was a big row with the Mrs and then I was up late thinking to hell with everything. I should have put on my shoes for a night run but I started 'just peeking' at a couple of long forgotten sites. Now I'm thinking to myself damnit a couple of hours ago I was 160 odd days cool and now back to square one.

I'd turned everything arount too. Ditched videogames months ago and with them, late nights too. Joined a running club and got fitter that I've ever been. Made good with my wife (sort of) and we're in a decent place generally until an argument got out of hand this morning. I also conquered some anxieties about talking to people and my business has flourished as a result. What the hell was I thinking?

But anyway I've vented my frustration so now I must retire and flagellate myself for the remainder of the weekend.

Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction/Delayed Ejaculation / In the News PIED
« on: August 15, 2016, 01:26:58 AM »
Apologies if this is old news but I was pleasantly surprised to hear a news article on BBC Radio 4 this morning abut porn addiction and PIED. Perhaps it's finally starting to get mainstream attention. I went to the accompanying Newsbeat article and it's Dan Simmons from the podcast. See here.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Like a sinner before....
« on: June 23, 2016, 05:31:20 PM »
And reset that counter I think too. Sitting there under my posts snickering at me, telling the vulgar truth of my latest effort, judgemental little bastard. Trouble is it's damn useful.

Hi Gabriel hows tricks.

Ages 40 and up / Like a sinner before....
« on: June 23, 2016, 05:13:44 PM »
The gates of heaven and all that crap.... Seriously can it be that hard to just not jack off for few nights?

So what has changed since my first reboot last year when I went 3 months and felt like I had got Austin Powers' mojo..? Maybe it's not bothering to check in and account for myself here that's all I can think of.

Mrs and I are at marriage counselling. It's our 10 year anniversary tomorrow. My self to myself - get a grip mate.

Can it really be that hard? Smack - self - in - head - with - each - word.

It has to be time now.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Okay... back on the wagon.
« on: March 01, 2016, 02:05:47 AM »

Need to get a few things straight in my head. A lot has been going on the last few weeks and I'm not sure if I am in the right place for rebooting. First time round it seemed to just blossom into this fantastic adventure but my heart doesn't seem to be in it recently.

Anyway, I just picked this up on the BBC as I was drowning my sorrows in other people's misery (aka reading the news) this morning. Terry Crews, never heard of him but he talks a lot of sense about his addiction.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Yes I Can!
« on: February 19, 2016, 03:54:40 PM »
I think that becomes a legitimate question at some point, but there is no doubt your posts help others.

If I were a religious man I would insert an "amen brother" under this post.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Okay... back on the wagon.
« on: February 19, 2016, 03:44:53 PM »
Thank You chaps.

Porn Addiction / Re: Addiction likes ritual
« on: February 19, 2016, 03:33:24 PM »
I would obsessively hunt out photo sets I didn't have, then save photos individually to my hard drive. I would spend hours doing this. Not even necessarily PMOing during it. Just obsessed with the collecting, finding the 'perfect' image to PMO to in each photo gallery.

I do the exact same thing when I'm relapsing. I seek out my favourite models and spend literally hours going through online galleries, which are invariably those free hosting sites where you have to close a dozen pop ups to get to your image. I admit I've even done this on occasion while rebooting, not MOing or even considering it - but a niggling voice in the back of my head saying save them for a "rainy day".

It must be a mild OCD completionist compulsion because I do the same thing for non porn - for example, downloading and collecting audiobooks. I must have more audio already than I could ever listen to in my lifetime but still I spend hours saving, categorising and reformatting mp3 files...  ::)

Porn Addiction / Re: Addiction likes ritual
« on: February 17, 2016, 04:02:18 PM »
Frankly, I'd rather get addicted to any hobby other than porn now. If I was to spend hours cataloging a sci-fi book collection, or painting tiny war figurines, that would be better than porn. If I was to spend thousands on a gaming computer, then it is still better!

Best of all is to get yourself obsessed with exercise and healthy eating. Surely you can't go wrong?!

If you find yourself alone, and the temptation arises....RUN AWAY!

Sci-fi... war games (Warhammer..?)... computer games... I think we may have been seperated at birth mate....  8)

Trouble is the porn ritual can be as simple as sitting down in front of my laptop, and there is my trigger. I mean I've MO'd pretty much everywhere in the house that it's possible to sit with a computer so it isn't as if I can be somewhere without this ever present little niggling voice of the porn troll.

Oohhhh dear I could never tell any friends unless they suggested they had a problem too. Then I could say "actually I'm in the same boat" and spill my guts. Until then, the truth is I do feel a lot of shame and embarrassment about the whole thing. I really feel like people would think less of me - I mean my wife knows all about it and by extension so does my mother-in-law - but outside of them I am too ashamed.

Thinking about it, I do have one friend who it might apply to, I just don't know. His wife has been talking to my wife and told her they never have sex any more. Hmmm, sounds familiar thinks I... a bloke the same age as me (just about to hit 40) and reasonably fit and active and his wife is a rather spiffy looking lady too, and they don't have sex? But as for raising it with him... I just wouldn't know where to start.

Ages 40 and up / Re: My Journey to Conquering My Addiction
« on: February 17, 2016, 02:21:09 PM »
How's it going matey? I completely relapsed over the new year and haven't recovered yet - you're right to say it's harder on subsequent reboots. I'm not sure why. I guess in many cases the cause of the original relapse may still linger..? Anyhow stay strong.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Life begins at 40
« on: February 17, 2016, 02:13:04 PM »
I relate to a lot of what you say E45 (have you named yourself after hand cream...?).

I can tell you I felt the same about my wife, it's hard not to compare her unfavourably to the girls I look at on the internet and then also to other women her age I pass by in the street. However I found on my first reboot that only a few weeks in I was watching her get undressed for bed thinking "hey now....".

Ages 40 and up / Okay... back on the wagon.
« on: February 17, 2016, 12:08:49 PM »
Hey peeps.

I didn't post for the longest time but like a sinner at the gates of heaven as the man said, I'm crawling back.

I thought I had cracked it last year; I made it past Christmas which was three and a half months clean. No porn, no MB, not quite as much actual sex with Mrs as I expected but what I did get was amazing.

Then we adopted our 3rd baby in the new year and having this new little squawking person airlifted into our lives ramped up the stress levels. Lack of sleep and generally frayed tempers meant the fleeting period of intimacy I had engineered was over. I'm afraid I went back to old habits. Staying up late just to get some quiet reflective time and before you know it I'm browsing Imagefap or some such site. Inviting the devil right in the front door so to speak.

I've done a week here, a few days there abstaining but up until now I just haven't really had my heart in it. However, little one is settling in now and sleeping through the night, and I have some money rolling in after having several weeks paternal leave (on the insistence of the social services - I'm self employed so that hit our finances hard). I'm down but then back up on the count of 9 for a last minute comeback.

So here goes for reboot 2.0. Looking forward to getting back into the community, which I know from last time is instrumental in providing the encouragement I need to succeed...

Porn Addiction / Re: Could you give me a valid reason to not masturbate?
« on: November 08, 2015, 05:28:00 PM »
Something else that porn will do is condition you to desire only women who either don't exist, or who 99.9% of men have no possibility to get with. As you reboot the range of women you will be attracted to will grow. There are girls right now out there feeling about themselves the exact same thing that you feel about yourself.

Porn Addiction / Re: Sperm retention
« on: November 08, 2015, 05:08:39 PM »
At the end of the day you are trying to recondition your brain from porn to real sex. Every time you orgasm with a real person I'd say that was a good thing no matter how far into a reboot you are.

Ages 40 and up / Re: 57 yo addict
« on: November 07, 2015, 05:30:36 PM »
I told my wife after a few weeks but only because she wondered what the hell was going on with me acting differently and having more interest in her. I expected that she would be all hurt and judgemental but she was cool as a cucumber. I guess because she could see the proof of the pudding already. I very much underestimated her actually. Talking about this with my Mrs has been a positive thing.

Ages 40 and up / Re: It's me time - journal
« on: November 07, 2015, 04:44:45 PM »
Oh by all means do... sounds like he deserves it. Good job making ten days.

Ages 40 and up / Re: My Journey to Conquering My Addiction
« on: November 04, 2015, 05:27:08 PM »
Good to hear from you and well done. Stay frosty as they say, those urges get very persuasive around now and as you say you will find all sorts of ways to rationalise dangerous behaviour.

Partners of Rebooters and Addicts / Re: Discovery
« on: November 03, 2015, 04:58:21 PM »
Seriously get him to sign up here and talk to us guys..! This forum has made the WORLD of difference to my journey in the last couple of months. My marriage has improved so much and I'm enjoying intimacy with my wife like we haven't had since we were newly wed...

Owing in no small part to the support of a bunch of guys who all understand exactly what it's like. No judgement, no shame, just encouragement and advice.

Actually this forum itself is exactly that. Just start a journal and post your feelings and progress. You'll find loads of support and encouragement and all sorts of discussikn pops up.

Ages 40 and up / Re: It's me time - journal
« on: November 03, 2015, 03:51:52 PM »
I bought only one porno magazine when I was about 16. I shit a brick to be honest and it wasn't worth the shame I felt when the old Indian woman at the counter scowled down at me. When I got it home I found it to be cheap and unappealing, the women not very attractive. I was more turned on by the girls in glossy men's magazines; clothed but all perfect, shiny and hygienic, and likewise the girls soaping down cars in "Max Power" and the like. I never bought another porno, and then broadband internet was in my house just a few years later.

Classic chaser effect mate. I relapsed HARD a few weeks into my first try. When you do so it's very tough not to MO a few times over the next couple of days. Your caveman brain thinks you've been out in the wilderness for ages, then stumbled upon a group of females and it's time to partay...

Ten steps forward and one step back I'd say. Don't beat yourself up.

Ages 40 and up / Re: 2 months in fears and my transformations
« on: November 01, 2015, 03:47:00 PM »
Oooohhh... What's the story morning glory.

It has become a frequent thing for me to wake up with a MW and just lay there basking in it and having fantasies of making love to the Mrs, while she is next to me, oblivious...  ;D

As for cold showers, you can stick them where the sun don't shine.  :o

I did try briefly, however I don't know what part of England you are from, but in my neck of the woods it gets a tad chilly in November...! Made my gonads shrivel up like raisins and the general feeling of manliness I've enjoyed of late was subdued for a time.

Stoicism was never my strong point.

Every time I have relapsed it's because I've been caught out in the shower. It's very easy to fall into the trap of edging 'just for a minute'.

Ages 40 and up / Re: It's me time - journal
« on: October 30, 2015, 01:47:23 AM »
Oh God yes the biggest trigger for me was having an argument with my wife. I'd slink off to another part of the house and stick on a videogame, which is itself a wedge between us both as she hates them. Then I'd be staying up on the XBox until 2am and would find time in there for some of my own 'me time'.

And the mid sex deflation is something I relate to as well. We stopped having sex altogether because of this, it would just die and then I'm thinking "oh shit oh shit" and the atmosphere between us changed immediately. Not a chance of bringing it back to life in that situation. Not any more my friend.

But trust me, just stick with it. My turnaround has been quicker than I expected, many guys taek longer but we all get there with determination. Get through the flatline, relapse a time or two, dump a few other bad habits while you're on a roll, and in a few months you will feel the benefits!

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