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Messages - Total Reboot

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1
Porn Addiction / Re: Day one : my decision to stop using porn.
« on: May 14, 2016, 09:08:38 PM »
Hi gars1575.

It's great that you've seen the harm that porn is causing in your life, and that you're deciding to be done with it!

There's loads of advice here on the RN forums, but one of the most important pieces of advice I can give you is that you should avoid triggers at all cost. Completely remove them from your life. If you access the internet using a smartphone... get rid of it (at least temporarily) and replace it with a cheap flip phone. If you use a laptop/tablet to access the internet... get rid of it if possible. If you absolutely need your computer, keep it in another room where you won't watch porn. If you usually watch porn in your bedroom, keep your computer far away from there.

If you are able to, try using web filters/blockers. Lots of people here recommend K9 Web Protection.

Try to keep busy. If you know you're going to be alone with nothing to do, then plan to go out with friends/family, or go for a walk. If you watch porn at night when in bed, once again, keep any computers well away from your bedroom. Lots of people recommend exercise and cold showers when you get urges.

Another thing I recommend is writing down on a piece of paper or a post-it note all the reasons you are quitting porn. For me personally, I believe that watching porn is in itself wrong, and I absolutely need to remove it from my life. I also don't want it to be there to ruin future relationships I may have. Then write down how your life will be improved without porn.
Put that piece of paper next to your bed, on your mirror, wherever you are able to see it when you get the urges to watch porn.

If you have friends or family you can trust, try to muster up the courage to confide in them and tell them about your addiction, and ask for help (they could keep your phone/computer from you for a set time for example, or they could keep the password for a web filter/blocker). It's difficult, I know, but worth it in the end.

I would recommend reading this post, "Hello Gentlemen. Now we begin."  by William: http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=1256.0

Keep posting on here, and whenever you feel an overwhelming urge to watch porn, come here and read through the forums. Your urge should be gone after a while.

Try setting up a progress tracker for yourself (just click on mine to take you there), and remember that we are all here to support each other :)

This is by no means an easy battle, but it isn't an impossible one! Keep at it :)

2
Teens / Re: Fight the New Drug
« on: May 14, 2016, 07:20:53 PM »
I've just looked at this site, and read through all the information, and I think it's great! It explains both the physical and emotional/psychological effects of porn, and how it affects everyone involved.

Thanks for sharing this. I'm certain that as more people see this, more addicts will come to realise that they have a problem and that it needs to stop. I wish I had seen this a few years ago :)

3
Teens / Re: porn pic etc.
« on: May 14, 2016, 09:04:46 AM »
My advice would be to temporarily give up your internet-accessing devices. If you have a smartphone, get rid of it and get a cheap Nokia or something. If you have a laptop or tablet, get rid of them until you're clean (give them to a trusted friend or relative, and tell them not to give them back until a set date). If you absolutely need your computer, try installing web filters/blockers. I've heard that K9 can be useful.

Try to remove temptations wherever possible. Social media, facebook, youtube, twitter, etc. are all playgrounds for triggers.

If possible, get out of the house. If ever you are alone in your house/room with nothing to do, get up and go for a walk. If possible, plan these in advance, so you can minimise the chances of lipping up and watching porn.

Keep reading posts on these forums, and whenever possible, try contributing to discussions. It's amazing how much it can help when you feel the urge to look at porn/masturbate. There have been many times when I've been ready to give in, and then the tiny part of me that is still trying to fight the temptations tells me to come here... and then after reading what other people have to say, the desires are virtually gone.

Don't give up. There will be times when you will feel hopeless, but that's just your brain trying to trick you into giving it its dopamine fix. It won't be an easy fight, but it's not an impossible one either.

Think of your reason(s) for giving up porn, and write them down. Think of how your life will be when you're free from all this fighting, and write it down. Keep these notes with you, by your bed, on your wall, on your mirror.... wherever it will be most useful. Keep reminding yourself why you're doing this, and remember that you really can beat this! :)

4
Teens / Re: Not giving up again.
« on: May 14, 2016, 08:49:12 AM »
Hi jod97.

I (almost) completely understand how you feel. I'm 19 and have been trying to quit porn properly for almost a year now.
I completely agree with Chip about getting rid of phones and internet-accessible devices etc. I got rid of my phone a while ago, and I would completely get rid of all my devices if they weren't absolutely necessary for my studies. They are definitely crucial factors when it comes to messing up. I'm certain that if I didn't have any internet-accessing devices, I would be able to do this in the first try.

I found your mention of masturbating in he "prone" position to be interesting. I also used to (and still do usually when I slip up and end up masturbating) masturbate "prone". I personally am very lucky in that I don't have ED in any form (that I'm aware of), but I have read that masturbating prone can have such an effect. Also, it's a given that porn can cause ED too. I'm no expert, but from what I've read in the past due to my own worry about prone masturbation, I think that any effects it may have had should eventually go after long enough abstinence, just as PIED should eventually go after long enough abstinence from porn.

You certainly do seem determined to be rid of this addiction and all its problems, and I think it's great that you've set up this post for support and a form of public accountability. I've considered doing the same.

Keep at it and know that you've got the support of everyone here. And most importantly, keep looking out for any advice people have to offer. I made the mistake at first of being extremely selective in the advice I chose to apply (I would only do what seemed easy). It was only when I reached a point of absolute despair that I gave up my phone, and started changing my lifestyle more to fight this.

As most people say here, it won't be an easy fight by any stretch of the imagination... but it's not an impossible one either :)

5
Partners of Rebooters and Addicts / Re: Wow, Do I feel stupid
« on: May 13, 2016, 07:17:23 PM »
I have to agree that (from what I've read of other porn addicts and from my own experiences) lying is certainly typical of porn addicts. Whilst I can't comment from the angle of a married man, I know that even now, my life is full of lies because of this addiction. I've lied to me mother (as I think I may have mentioned before, I live with her and my siblings) for years, and when I finally admitted my addiction to her, I didn't have the courage to continue to confess when I messed up. She thinks I'm clean now.
The lies of porn addicts, I believe, generally stem from the shame and guilt, and from the feeling of humiliation from telling someone "I've done it again". Obviously, I'm not saying that this is any excuse. However, I have noticed that lying about porn for so long has also desensitised me somewhat to lying in general, and I'm sure this must be the case for others. What I mean is, I'm certain that I lie a lot more about things unrelated to porn, than I would if I had never been an addict. I hope that this will stop when the addiction is beaten.

Objectified1 and Emerald Blue, I applaud you both for putting up with your husbands for so long, and I realise it must take extreme patience and strength to have not given up on them, and to have not simply got up and left. I for one definitely believe you are doing the right thing, and will keep you both in my prayers.

Also, thanks for the encouraging responses to my earlier post. It really helps to stay motivated :)

6
Partners of Rebooters and Addicts / Re: Wow, Do I feel stupid
« on: April 30, 2016, 08:38:39 AM »
Hi.
I want to start by apologising. I have only read pages 1 and 4 of this discussion. I skipped pages 2 and 3 for two reasons: firstly, because of time constraints. Secondly, because, as I have been reading this, I have been unable to stop crying.

I'm 19 years old, and I'm a porn addict. I have been for years now. I can't really remember when I started. I know that I stopped for a couple of years at some point, when I was caught. Then, for some reason, I started again, and have been unable to escape since. I don't know why I started watching porn. I had an abusive father (not sexually towards me, thankfully), so who knows why I started up half the habits I did when I lived with him. My family and I escaped from him when I was 14, and I became a born-again Christian 5 days later. My mum is a Christian, and I always believed in God, but it wasn't until I became a Christian that I became truly disgusted by my porn use.

I suppose I'm really lucky, in that, since I'm unmarried and don't have a girlfriend, the only person I am currently destroying with my addiction is myself.

I truly realised I was addicted about 2 or 3 years ago... when I tried to quit, and failed. I've now been truly trying to quit for almost a year now, and the longest I've been able to make it is 14 days.

I hate myself. I hate what I've done to myself. I hate what I'm doing to myself. And most importantly, I hate how I'm repeatedly hurting God with my sin.

And now, reading how porn affects the wives of porn addicts adds a whole new layer to my shame. I KNOW I WILL be free from this before I one day find someone and get married, but I wonder, will I be good enough for her? I know that my mind is tainted by years of viewing porn, and I know that I can never unsee what I've seen.

What Pinkerton said earlier about feeling like he's two different people, I can completely relate to. When I PMO, I do so knowing that I'm only causing pain and misery, but I feel out of control.

I'm sorry if I've been rambling. I just thought it might be helpful to add the perspective of a young single man who's going through porn addiction :)

Also, whilst this may be quite a selfish reason, I hope that posting here and joining in with this conversation may help me through this as well.

7
I've been going at this for almost 5 months now, and I've failed miserably every time.
But I recently (as in this past couple of days) have realised that there's really only one way to prevent yourself from being able to access porn. It's difficult, and you're not going to like it... you need to get rid of your devices. Get rid of your tablet, laptop, your desktop if you have to (or at least move it into a public family room), get rid of your smartphone and replace it with a standard (non internet-accessing) phone. It's what I've done. The only access I currently have to the internet is limited access to my laptop (which I keep in my mum's room most of the time), and I only use it to access this and similar websites.

You don't have to permanently get rid of your devices, just for the duration of your reboot, and until you KNOW you can completely trust yourself not to "use" again.

Honestly, I find it strangely satisfying to get the urges/temptations to relapse, only to know that I have no way of doing so. It really does work and it'll make you feel loads better as well, knowing that you don't even have to fight the battle any more (or most of it anyway) because it's impossible for you to relapse.

Up until now, I made excuses to not get rid of my devices, like "But I need it for x, y and z", but think to yourself, are these things really worth your addiction? Don't you hate your addiction more than you desire to have the convenience of your devices? If not, then you should probably question if you're really committed to beating this.

That's my view from experience of constantly failing whilst ever I had access to the internet and was relying on sheer willpower alone anyway. Take it for what it is.

8
Porn Addiction / Re: Looking For Advice
« on: December 06, 2015, 07:14:58 PM »
UPDATE:

So it's been almost 5 months since I first posted here and started my reboot.
At first, I made it 10 days. Then, it went downhill from there. I kept relapsing after a few days, and the longest I went without pmo was 5 days. It's been a huge struggle (as expected), but I've handled it pretty badly.

So I've taken drastic measures. I've told my mum about my problem and made myself accountable to her, and that really helped... for a while. But I still relapsed. So I've finally taken the big(ger) step and swapped my smartphone for a normal (non internet accessible) phone. I plan to go without my smartphone for at least 100 days, but we'll see whether I need longer without it when the time comes. The only access I have to the internet is limited, through my laptop which I keep in my mum's room most of the time.

I'm feeling good about this! It feels strangely satisfying to have the urges/temptations to pmo, but know that I am physically unable to act on it. Maybe I will finally be free from porn and masturbation addiction this way.

I would urge anyone who is reading this and is struggling to go full on with removing ways to fall into pmo'ing to get rid of your devices which cause you to fail. At first I made excuses such as "I need this to do x and y", but are those things really worth your addiction? I can say now from experience that you won't be able to beat this until you take every preventative measure to relapsing. If you truly do need some of your devices that also cause you to relapse, then move those devices into a room where you won't be alone, tell someone who can help you about your addiction. If you use a smartphone like I did to access porn, then get rid of it and use a cheap, standard phone that won't tempt/allow you to relapse.

I've discovered that there are ways to make the reboot process a lot easier than it would be ordinarily, you just have to be willing to sacrifice your own comfort/convenience to beat this addiction. If you're not willing to, then you don't truly hate your addiction enough to be rid of it.

9
I wouldn't say it has quite as big an impact as watching/imagining porn, but it still has an effect and so should be avoided just as porn should.
Even if the scenarios going through your head aren't porn-type scenarios, they could still become so, or act as a trigger to lead to that mind frame that causes us to crave porn/masturbation.
The fact that it's in your head makes it artificial stimulation, which for addicts is the definition of porn.

It's difficult to avoid these thoughts, but it's worth it in the long run and can be done.

Stay strong and don't give up. If these forums have taught me one thing, its that you have the whole of Reboot Nation backing you. I feel as though their motto should be "all for one and one for all" haha.

 - Total Reboot

10
Hi johntulop.

Firstly, I second everything gtl923 posted.

Secondly, congrats for going so long without porn and masturbation. That shows true character!
The longest time I've managed to be clean from porn and masturbation is 10 days, but by that point I already noticed enough changes in my life to at least partially answer some of your questions (from my experience):

1) I really think that both stopping porn and masturbation AND quitting all media will have both largely contributed to your becoming more social and outgoing. I know that within the first week of no po/pmo, I felt more social, and some old hobbies (such as reading) returned. Also, as for media, I havent given up all forms of media, but Ive been without tv for 3 years now, and I don'tmiss Iit at all. It really has made me a more outgoing person.

2) I think that finding a social group may have made you become more socially limited (as humans we naturally prefer to socialise with people we're familiar with), but I highly doubt it would have caused you to become anxious about going outside of it. From my experience and that I've read of others on the forums, I believe it's almost certain that starting porn and masturbation has caused this.

3) Well, in the short time I have been "sober", yes going without porn or masturbation has caused me to feel moody and sometimes depressed, and at other times, I've been thrilled that I'm finally giving up porn and masturbation. It's something everyone giving up porn or masturbation has to go through but it will be worth it in the end, and it is, ultimately, temporary (even though it may not seem like it at the time) (I can't say this from experience, but from the experience of others and from having a limited understanding of how addiction works).

4) To put it bluntly, it will always be a "bad" time to give up masturbation. There will always be something to deter us  (work, girlfriend, marriage,  kids etc.). But if you are serious about this (which from what you've said, it seems you are) and truly wish to better yourself and your quality of life, then you should be willing to just "bite your knuckles" so to speak and tell yourself "today is the day I stop, because if I don't stop now, I never will".

5) I personally would say yes, you should try to give up masturbation. It really will benefit you in the long run, and as gtl923 said, if quitting MO seems to be negatively affecting you, then it is a sign that MO isn't good for you and it's a problem.

This probably wasn't what you wanted to heat, but I do honestly believe that you will be better off without masturbation all together.
I hope this can in some way help you, and I hope it all goes well for you :)

 - Total Reboot

11
Porn Addiction / Re: re-liking old stuff
« on: August 23, 2015, 11:45:46 PM »
I've relapsed since (unfortunately) but I can't tell you that in less than a week after quitting both P and M, my interest in reading came back with a passion. Before I became addicted to P and M, I used to read all the time. I never linked my loss of interest in reading to my addiction, but now I've found that quitting P and M definitely does cause old hobbies/interests to resurface (probably because PMOing takes up some of the time we would otherwise dedicate to our hobbies).

 - Total Reboot

12
Hi lee.

I know from my own experience that I started to get wet dreams fairly frequently after about a week into my reboot.
To me, that seems to suggest that the reboot is working, as it's a change.
As to whether they set you back at all, I would say that they certainly don't take you back to square one, but I couldn't honestly tell you whether they set you back at all.

HOWEVER..... as they are completely out of our control, I really wouldn't worry about it, as there's nothing we can do about them. Just keep on going as normal, and if they mean that it will take you a little longer to recover, so be it (I take it you're in this for the long run anyway, as most people here are).

I think you'll know when you're cured, so I wouldn't worry if I were you if you think the reboot takes a little longer than you expect it to. Just try to ignore the wet dreams and try not to think too much about them (as that's a near sure  way to encourage yourself to relapse), and you should be fine.

I hope this answers your question  :)

13
Today I completed my 90 days no PMO challenge  :) and I am proceeding to complete the challenge of abstaining from any porn substitute, escort ads and encounter with prostitutes for 90 days. I am rewiring my brain thanks again for your help and I consider myself as living proof that 90 no PMO can be done when you are dedicated enough and I advise all the people out there to do this.  ;) Lot of things have changed in my life, brain fog has alleviated, I can focus much more on my work, I can form real bonds with people and I go to gym regularly.

That's fantastic! The fact that you've got this far is proof that you can do this! Not only is this great news for you, but you're also certainly a great encouragment to others :) Well done bro!

 - Total Reboot

14
Porn Addiction / Re: Anyone with questions?
« on: August 01, 2015, 09:11:52 PM »
I have a question.

I'm about 9 days into my no pmo and no mo, and I'm having really strong urges to watch porn or porn substitutes or to at least masturbate.
I realise that the process varies from person to person, but approximately how long should I expect it to take before I begin to lose these urges/the urges become weaker or less frequent?

Thanks in advance.

15
Porn Addiction / Re: I need help
« on: August 01, 2015, 12:23:16 PM »
Hi Dani. First off, I'm only 9 days into my reboot, so unfortunately, I can't help you from the perspective of someone who has gone any really long period of time without pmo or mo. However, what I can tell you is that this is by far the longest I've ever been without it, so I know that my methods must be working.

As you and a lot of other people have said, having people to talk to about porn addiction must be a big help. Unfortunately, I also don't have someone I feel I can talk to about this particular issue. However, I have found that viewing these forums and even posting on them definitely helps me to resist the temptation to relapse when I feel nearly uncontrollable urges. Never underestimate the power of encouragement that can be provided through forums like this.

One of the most useful and important pieces of advice anyone has given me on these forums is to remember why you are doing this, and to try to picture what your life can/will be like when you finally beat this.

Also, it's important to remember that when your brain starts reminding you of how good the TEMPORARY pleasure rush that porn/masturbation brings feels, it is conveniently missing out all the bad stuff porn brings into your life as well, and how it has messed your life up. Just remember that any excuses your brain comes up with to relapse are just your brain's way of attempting to trick you into relapsing (to get that dopamine rush) using any tactics it can come up with (false rationalisation being your brain's greatest trick).

Try to distract yourself with other things if possible; if you feel the urge to relapse coming on, try reading a book or going for a walk or doing some housework.

Installing an Internet filter can also be invaluable,  such as CovenantEyes (which also has a panic button which can close down what you're viewing), or a free filter if the former isn't affordable for you. Unfortunately, this isn't an option for me because I live with my mother and three siblings,  and I don't feel confident enough to talk about this particular issue to my family, so asking for an Internet filter is off the table for me. However, it may be an option for you.

Also,  it probably wouldn't do any harm to show your friends (who dismissed your porn addiction) this website in order to let them know that this is a very real issue which is affecting you, and that their support would be welcome.

I know that not all of these answers may be helpful, but I'm sure that the first few can definitely be of use.


If you feel that you need someone to talk to about any of this, I'm happy for you to message me at any time :)

Stay strong, and with strong will and determination, you can beat this addiction!

God bless.

 - Total Reboot


16
Porn Addiction / Re: Depression is killing me
« on: July 31, 2015, 12:08:19 PM »
I feel ya. The entire process is a huge marathon of physical and emotional challenges. Some days are great and feel like progress,next one feels like despair and pain,then next feels even more stressful,then it all goes into neutral bland phase. But still its better than return to jerking to porn. Like this shit caused me horrible limp erections,fucked up sex drive,horrible emotional and physcial performance. Just turning back to it makes me think how its all going to shit if I relapse now. Keep going dude. Im atheist so no preachings from gods of any kind in my name,just a friendly salute from fellow male. Good luck!

Sorry. I didn't intend to give the impression that I'm here to preach or anything. Just to clarify, any advice/support I hope to give is for anyone regardless of religious beliefs. I just like to let people know that I am praying for them anyway (some people find it helpful/comforting to know). But I totally understand if I gave the wrong impression, so sorry again about that.

But once again,  keep up the good work everyone, and as I said before, if anyone wants someone to talk to, I'm happy for anyone to message me  :)

17
Porn Addiction / Re: Depression is killing me
« on: July 31, 2015, 11:07:18 AM »
Also, if ever you feel you need someone to talk to about any of this, feel free to message me  :)

18
Porn Addiction / Re: Depression is killing me
« on: July 31, 2015, 11:04:03 AM »
Hey aboodos94. I'm about 8 days into no pmo (in any way shape or form), and I can tell you (as sodonewithit has) that depression is definitely a symptom of porn/masturbation/orgasm withdrawal.

Stay strong though. Whenever you get tempted to relapse, or the depression feels to difficult to cope with, just remember why you are doing this, and all the damage that pmo has done. Just remember that these withdrawal symptoms are temporary and that your brain is just trying to trick you in any way that it can into getting that (TEMPORARY) dopamine rush.

As I said, I'm oonly 8 days in but even now, writing this response to your thread is helping me to resist the temptation to relapse. If it all feels like it's becoming too much, just come on here and read or even post in the forums. The encouragement,  and even just knowing and reaffirming that there are others out there going through the same thing really does help.

Keep up the good work! You can beat this, and it will all be worth it in the end, and you'll be a much stronger person for it. Just remember that each time you resist the temptation to relapse, you are strengthening your brain (weakening your already ingrained neural pathways linked to porn and masturbation) and willpower, so every temptation can be turned around into something beneficial.

Praying for you.

God bless.

 - Total Reboot

19

Thank you man, you are right. Now I am trying to establish friendships with girls and avoid prostitutes since they are a major source of expenditure for me as well as they further bolster loneliness.

That's fantastic! I'm so pleased for you! I do hope that everything will go well for you, and that you'll continue to stay strong. I don't know your beliefs (I seem to recall you saying somewhere in this thread that you're agnostic) but I'll be praying for you nonetheless.

God bless.

 - Total Reboot

20
Porn Addiction / Re: Looking For Advice
« on: July 30, 2015, 10:22:23 AM »
Thankyou both for your support.

7 days in now (I know that's pretty pathetic, but it's a start).

My urges today haven't been as bad as during the past few days, so I have high hopes for the future  :)

I'll continue to visit the forums daily for encouragement.

Once again, thankyou Achilles and CrazyFrog357. I really do appreciate your support.

God bless.

 - Total Reboot

21
I am only about a week into completely quitting all forms of porn, masturbation, really anything sexual etc. (until I get married). However, I can tell you now that prostitutes WILL NOT HELP. I am certain that the your desire to resort to prostitutes is your brain's way of trying to trick you into relapsing without you realising, by rationalising this as something completely differentnt to porn and masturbation. Sex with a prostitute IS NOT REAL SEX (not in the good way). It will only leave you feeling more lonely in the long run. It is just a substitute for porn. I understand your feeling of loneliness and how it is a trigger for you, because it is also a trigger for me. The way you are currently thinking is just fueling your belief that you will never be able to develop and maintain a relationship.

Please please please don't give in to these temptations. The single most useful piece of advice anyone has given me is to remember why you are giving up these things and how they damaged your life. When you have the urge to relapse/substitute, it is your brain reminding you of how good the short term pleasure felt, but conveniently leaves out the bad things that porn, masturbation and (in your case) prostitution brought with them.

Stay strong and think of the future. I can almost guarantee that succeeding in beating porn/masturbation addiction will really help to give you the confidence you need.

Remember, we're all going through similar things together. You can beat this!

God bless.

- Total Reboot

22
Porn Addiction / Re: Looking For Advice
« on: July 29, 2015, 08:27:38 PM »
Thanks for all the tips. I'll definitely take on board your advice. It's great to hear about other people going through the same thing. I find that it really motivates me when I get huge urges to go back to how I was before I started no pmo.

I hope your rebooting continues to go well, and with hard work and determination, I'm sure we'll both be able to eventually come out on the other side better for it.  :)

Thanks again. I can't tell you how much getting your response has just helped me to resist the temptation to relapse. 

23
Porn Addiction / Looking For Advice
« on: July 28, 2015, 10:31:51 PM »
Hi. I am an 18 year old male who has just started trying to completely quit all porn and masturbation. I am currently 6 days in and I'm really struggling. I've read other people's stories about withdrawal symptoms, and currently, the only symptoms I'm experiencing are that I'm sleeping (a lot!) and have an overwhelming urge to watch porn, or at least masturbate (although I realise it's early days and there may be more symptoms to come).

I am battling this alone as I do not feel able to confide in family or friends regarding this particular matter (for various reasons) but, so far, I have found reading these and similar forums to be a great encouragement when I feel the urge to "use". I'm a Christian, so I find my faith in God to be my biggest encouragement (it's also the reason I'm trying to give up porn and masturbation in the first place).

I just want to ask if anyone who has succeeded in giving up porn and masturbation can give me any advice, as I really don't know how I will be able to get through this?


PS. I'm sorry if this is a similar post to others. I'm new here and am desperately looking for help, so I've not really familiarised myself with what is and isn't already posted in the forum.

Thanks in advance.

- Total Reboot

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