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Messages - firebird

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1
Ages 20-29 / Re: My story and journal
« on: July 05, 2015, 07:05:46 PM »
Day 34

I guess I'm doing pretty well. I have gone 34 days without P and MO so far.

I think my libido might be coming back slowly. I might be wrong tho, but I'm feeling better. It weather was really good here recently and I really enjoyed the sun.

I'm continuing my journey.



2
Ages 20-29 / Re: I am afraid
« on: July 01, 2015, 06:35:18 PM »
You're not alone and you will get past this.

Just stay strong!  8)

3
Ages 20-29 / Re: How long does flat line last? Somebody help!
« on: June 30, 2015, 06:35:02 PM »
I'm doing hardmode for a month now and I'm also in a flatline. It started way before that tho, basically my libido is non-existent for at least half a year now. Low Libido was one of the problems why I even discovered my addiction, along with PIED when being with real girls.

I am quite scared too, but I have spent a lot of time reviewing other peoples journals here and on other pages and the good news is: We are not alone. Many people experienced long flatlines, 6-9 months are not that unusual and some guys needed over a year.

I can't tell you how long it'll take... but it is definitly possible to recover. Just keep going.

4
Ages 20-29 / Re: Porn induced E.D. from age 13 to 28
« on: June 30, 2015, 06:28:53 PM »
Are you doing any sports, if I may ask?

I personally discovered that sports (lifting weights in my case) really helps me to keep going. It's a nice way to clear your head, since you mentioned brain fog... run a couple miles or push a couple pounds and see how it affects you. And, as a nice side effect, you get in shape and will propably feel better, too. And it gives you nice little positive moments when you reach the goals you set for yourself.

I read somewhere that sports can boost testosterone production and help with low libido... well that obviously didn't work for me, but it might be worth a shot.

I especially enjoy it since the gym is one of the few places where you aren't constantly confronted with sexual stimulation. I usually go quite late in the evening, like 8 or 10 o'clock... usually all by myself. At that time I would usually just sit around in front of my computer, so I don't really loose anything important. It's quiet there then, I can socialize a little bit and talk to the few other dudes lifting their weights or do my stuff alone if I feel like it... it's a nice time that you can use to really focus on yourself. You should try it. :) 

5
Ages 20-29 / Re: Need help
« on: June 30, 2015, 03:29:50 AM »
Go hardmode (no porn, no fapping, no edging, no organsms, no sexual stimulation at all) for at least a couple of weeks and see  what happens.

6
Ages 20-29 / Re: Need help
« on: June 29, 2015, 07:32:29 PM »
You should tell us more about yourself... your age, your symptomes, your experiences.


7
Ages 20-29 / Re: My story and journal
« on: June 29, 2015, 07:30:44 PM »
Day 27

Looking forward to completing my first month without PMO.

To be honest until now rebooting has not really given me that much.

+ I know I'm capable of not PMOing for 27 days. Yey.
- Libido is still non-existent
- No urge to masturbate
- Morning wood is there as it used to be, still no NRBs. Nothing new here.
- Girls (still) don't arouse me. Nothing really does actually. I like getting females attention and I am 100% sure I could theoretically have dozens of ONSs if I wanted to... but my body my brain just says "No". Boring, not interesting.
- Penis feels dead. I tryed edging with fantasy and stimulation. I was able to get a really hard erection (without thinking about porn at all), however, it was all 'artificial', no real urge or libido involved. Thought about counting it as a relapse, but decided not to... was a onetime thing, didn't O and don't consider it a big deal actually.
- Can't get a boner from fantasy alone
- Don't think I could get a boner 'naturally' with a girl.

Overall I feel decent, not much different from when I started. Except for a little downtime about a week ago I'm doing fine.

I'm preparing to reboot for a longer time. I hoped to be finished with something between 30 and 60 days but by now I think It'll definitly take longer. Too bad. But there isn't an alternative, is there! :P 


 


8
Ages 20-29 / Re: My story and journal
« on: June 27, 2015, 10:02:44 PM »
Day 24

It's 4 o'clock in the morning here. I just came back from a party.

Several girls showed interest and one even asked me to 'bring her home'. I didn't do it with some bullshit excuse. Nevermind the girls, I'm rebooting and don't feel like I'm ready for real girls yet. She was nice and good looking and I felt it when she pressed against me... but not as much at it was when I was 'healty'.

The past days were really rough, I had some serious trouble going on, questioning my sexuality and my whole situation. The posts by MountainSummit and toreador really helped me - thank you guys!

I wish I had some real life friend to talk to about my situation. It's not that im not a social guy, I have many 'friends' actually... but many of them are female and regarding the male friends I have, I know they don't have similar problems... I thought about it for quite some time, but there is no one I can talk to. Maybe I can talk to my dad, I don't know. He is pretty cool and chilled and overall we get along very well but we never talked about sexuality before... I'm just so happy I have the internet, even though I don't really 'know' anyone here, writing down everything makes it SO MUCH EASIER. Seriously. It's pretty funny how the internet on the one hand caused all this but on the other is such a helpful tool to get over it. Strange!

I don't know which is worse: Having sexual desire and not being able to perform OR flatlining and not having sexual desires at all. Both are terrible feelings.

I think I'm on the right track.


9
Ages 20-29 / Re: Reboot for the sake of My Love
« on: June 27, 2015, 07:34:49 AM »
Many of us only discovered their PIED when not able to perform with a real girl.

For me it was in January/February when I met a girl and on several occasions couldn't get hard no matter what she tried. Luckily I wasn't really emotionally attached to her, because I was only trying to compensate for my old relationship, so her dissappointment wasn't such a problem for me. Still it is a devastating experience.

I never talked to her about PIED, basically we only stopped dating at some point... we had 'somewhat successful' sex like two or three times but always with Viagra. Even though she claimed not to have a problem with it - at that time I thought my ED was related to anxiety - it definitly made her feel insecure and uncomfortable that my penis didn't react to her the way it was supposed to. I don't think she would have sticked through my whole reboot.

Going through a reboot together is definitly possible, but if she is already beginning to distance herself after just a couple of days that is propably a bad sign. A successful reboot can take several months, in some cases over a year from what I've read - so having a 'new girl' staying by your side all this time and waiting for you is a real challenge.

I personally find it more relaxing to go through my reboot all by myself, only sharing my experiences with you guys here. My advice for you is not to tie your personal luck to this one girl. I know it's a stupid thing to say when you think that you found the right special one... but there are plenty of fish in the sea and you should worry about yourself and your mental health first. Do your reboot and then see what happens.

Best wishes man.


 

10
Ages 20-29 / Re: My story and journal
« on: June 27, 2015, 07:10:43 AM »
Thanks guys - I really apprechiate your support.

11
Teens / Re: Please answer I am freaking out!!!
« on: June 24, 2015, 07:33:26 PM »
I'm also flatlining for quite some time now. Day 20 without PMO currently (my flatline started LONG before that tho), no libido, no urges, I feel completly asexual.

It's a terrible feeling and I'm having the exactly same fears you mention... what if it never goes back to normal? What if I/we have lost our sexuality forever? How many more days/months/years will it take until I'm 'normal' again?

I can't really help you but at least it might be a good thing to know... you are not alone. You definitly aren't.

12
Ages 20-29 / Re: Sad news guys
« on: June 24, 2015, 07:20:19 PM »
Sorry man but I really have no idea... you are obviously putting yourself under a lot of pressure possibly combining your PIED with PA and making it all worse... in order not to smash your self-confidence next week you should maybe not see that girl again. At least not for now. Tell here you met your special someone, no idea, just don't even try to have sex again.

Sit back, relax, consider going ahrdmode for a couple consecutive months... and see what happens. I think meeting that girl again and *failing* is the worst thing that can happen to you.

13
Ages 20-29 / Re: My story and journal
« on: June 24, 2015, 07:07:28 PM »
Day 20

Yeah... day 20. I don't know why, but recently I feel pretty bad. Not really depressed, but a little sad and hopeless. I'm still flatlining, libido equals zero, no sexual desire, no urge to PMO.

If I had to describe my current state I would say I almost feel asexual. I have no idea what is going on - but it feels terrible.

I mean I'm fcking 23, I just want to feel a little bit like I felt back when I was 16/17/18. You know, looking at a hot girl, getting a boner. Not looking at a hot girl and thinking about my breakfast.

Guess it's a good thing to be flatlining as there isn't really a risk of a relapse... but I'm just so fcking afraid that it won't go back to normal. I'm afraid that it maybe has nothing to do with porn at all. Of cause this whole reboot thing makes perfect sense, yet I'm constantly thinking: 'What if your problem doesn't have anythhing to do with porn?' I'm afraid I might have lost my sexuality and that there is nothing I can do against it. I'm afraid it'll stay like this for the rest of my life. And that just fucks me up.

 

14
Thanks! I know about the flatline. But how is it possible that i fall into the flatline IMMEDIATELY after i stopped watching porn and masturbating?

My flatline started while I was *still watching* porn and masturbating. Even though I had no libido and 'real' sexual desire (for my then girlfriend or other girls) I still continued to fap, just to get those damn dopamin kicks. In fact, my flatline lasted for about a year (!) and I only stopped PMOing when I got PIED and couldn't get it up with a woman anymore.

When watching lots of porn you'll eventually reach a state where you have made your brain used to such a high level of stimuli that as soon as you take away porn your brain will immediatly get bored and say "wtf is this boring stuff get me my porn now". So porn is the only thing that gives your brain the kicks and without porn you immediatly go into a flatline. Sometimes - as in my case - even with porn because at some point you won't be able to find weird enough porn to reach what your brain is 'expecting'.

Just as Blasphemic said: "Conditioning to a lower level of stimulus takes time." Your flatline will end when your brain has lowered its expectations to a point where a real woman can actually compete. :)

15
Ages 20-29 / Re: My story and journal
« on: June 21, 2015, 12:05:33 PM »
Day 16

Sooo... today is day 16.

To be honest, it's quite easy for me not to PMO at the moment. My libido is at an all-time-low. Yesterday I had an extremly had morning wood, lasted quite some time. Yet: No libido, no no reason boners. No interest in women or anything related to *sex*. Continuing my journey.

 

16
Ages 20-29 / Re: Porn induced E.D. from age 13 to 28
« on: June 18, 2015, 10:50:04 AM »
Hi man,

I really enjoyed reading your journal.

I'm especially interested on you how you manage to handle your drinking as I'm kind of in the same situation. Even though I'm a little bit younger (23 at the moment) I'm drinking quite a lot, usually like 4 or 5 days a week, like half a bottle of whine in the evening. Sometimes with friends, sometimes alone. I might be an alcoholic, I don't know, but usually I never cared since it never really interfered with my life. I get my university, job and sports done without any problems, so I never really considered alcohol a significant problem... more like a little flaw, something like smoking. I wonder if there is a connection between PIED and drinking... I mean I have basically been drinking regularly my whole life, since I was 15 or something (Germany, nothing really unusual). And I remember that I was once able to perform even easier when I was drunk, so idk...

Anyways, keep it up - we can make it!

17
Ages 20-29 / Re: My story and journal
« on: June 18, 2015, 10:30:24 AM »
Day 13

So today is my 13th day without PMO.

Something strange happend today. One of the girls at university wore an a little bit see-through dress today and i mean... at least I noticed it. That was a little success for me, as usually I would completly ignore/not notice it it. I then concentrated and imagined making out with her and even though I was far away from getting really turned on or even getting a boner at least I felt my body respond to it. This might very well be a placebo, I have no idea. I felt really bad after the whole thing because I know hardmode usually means staying away from everything related to sexual stimulation. The situation was just too tempting.

I will now try to avoid such situations, too. But after all it showed me that I'm on the right track, I guess.

18
Ages 20-29 / Re: Not hopeless but a bit sad
« on: June 15, 2015, 06:52:42 PM »
It’s possible to overcome this?

It must be.

I'm at the very beginning myself, day 10, longest streak for me at the moment and I almost failed this afternoon, too.

The hardest thing for me is to belive that it can actually get better again. I keep thinking about how I used to feel when I was a teenager and how 'easy' it felt to have a normal sexlife when I was 18 or 19. Compared to today this time feels like heaven. I'm in a terrible flatline, my libido is non-existent and yet my brain is constantly trying to convince me to 'try if it still works'. I feel asexual while at the same time my fucked up brain wants me to MO.

It simply must be possible to overcome this. It has worked before and it must work again.

19
Ages 20-29 / Re: My story and journal - is this PIED?
« on: June 15, 2015, 08:01:25 AM »
Day 10

Thank you for your nice welcome words! ;)

I will definitly continue hard mode.

Before I started hardmode (10 days today :)) I could most of the time get an erection without watching porn, but I not without pretty heavy fantasies and also not without touching myself rather strong. I think/I hope this is because I have been masturbating wrong my whole life (death grip). You know, as in fucked up my brain and desensitized my penis with too wrong masturbation.

I'm just pissed that it took me so long to realize how porn and masturbation were actually messing me up. -.-

20
Ages 20-29 / My story and journal
« on: June 14, 2015, 06:11:39 AM »
Hi guys.

I wanted to share my story with you and maybe hear your opinion on whether my problems are related to porn consumption. Wall of text incoming, but I feel like every piece of information might be important.

I am currently 23 years old. I started masturbating when I was like 14, I don't exactly remember. However, I didn't start using videos or bigger amounts of internet porn until I moved to a bigger city about 4 years ago (my parents live in a rural area with really shitty internet). I once found a porn DVD within my Dads Vidoe collection and occasionally used it when my parents were gone, but most of the time I fapped to fantasy.

First time sex with 16, some random girl. A couple months later I had my first girlfried and we stayed together for six years. We moved to a different city together. It was a good relationship with a healthy sex life. At some point - I'd say about 2-3 years ago, about a year after moving in together - the relationship went from being really happy to being shit. This was due to a couple reasons one of the key elements being the fact that my GF for whatever reasons completly lost her libido and we only had sex like once a month.

Nevertheless It took us another two years to split up (which finally happened last october). Now because we didn't really have sex and because I finally had a good internet connection the moment when my GF lost interest in sex was the point when I began to use internet porn. So basically for the past 3 years I have been using internet porn regularly. I *would not* consider myself 'addicted' at any point, it never interfered with life, job or sports. But I masturbated daily and almost always sitting in front of my laptop using porn videos.

During that time, I noticed several things:

- My own libido began to decline, it didn't bother me as much as before that I didn't have sex with my gf, mostly because I knew at some point she would leave for work and I could masturbate. I lost the urge to engage and try to get sex, I completly focused on porn.
- Girls 'on the street' somehow stopped being attractive. I don't know how to describe it, i would notice a girl and I feel somewhat attracted to them, however, that is completly 'asexuel' attraction. I stopped getting sexually aroused from nice legs or tight shirts. When I see a girl other guys would propably consider 'hot' I only recognize her as 'asthetically beautiful', it doesn't trigger any sexual desires.
- I began to browse for more 'hardcore' videos, like anal and stuff... 'normal' sex began to seem boring.
- I stopped having NRBs.

However at the time those signs didn't really strike me as alarming. I fapped to porn happily (except I was doing a lot wrong, for example death grip and stuff).

Now back to my story, a jump in time back to last november when I broke up with my girlfriend. After a certain period of anger and sadness I went clubbing with my friends and relatively soon found a girl that I took home. Now I only did this because I needed to get over my old GF and felt like I needed to experience another women... NOT because I really wanted sex with a real women. We tried to have sex but I couldn't perform. Not. At. All. She really did her best to try but my penis just ignored her.

That was the point where I noticed something was wrong with me and something needed to change.

First I thought of a medical issue. I went to see two different doctors. The looked at my blood and even made an ultrasound. Long story short: I was/am completly healthy. Both doctors assured my that there was no medical reason for me not being able to perform. Both of them said my problems were PA. I was given a prescription for viagra and the doctor told me to use it until I have lost my anxienty.

So I went back to the girl, took a pill. Everything worked. Except only when using viagra. As soon as I wasn't taking a pill nothing worked. No matter what she or I were doing. So eventually I needed to find another way out, mostly because that shit was expensive as hell. The whole time there was one problem: I didn't really find the girl sexually attractive. She was beautiful by all means but my brain simply wasn't reacting to it. I liked spending time with her, but basically she was constantly horny and I was... not interested.

I then googled and eventually at some point found YBOP.   

Since then I hope that my problems are related to porn. I try to quit watching porn, not giving up, currently on day 9 without PMO.

I have no idea how but I think over the past 3 years I have managed to completly fuck up my brain. I remember how I had boners all day from looking at my classmates in highschool. I had sex with different women before and for 3 or 4 years I had a satisfying and exciting sex life in my past relationship. However, currently I feel almost asexual. I live in a giant monsterous flatline, sexual desire equals zero. I have morning woods and I can get a boner when masturbating (with and without porn), but only "to test if it still works". I have lost my sexuality. I am healthy, I eat healthy, I do a lot of sports, I am successful in my job - and propably addicted to porn?

Do you guys think this is PIED?
I am afraid it might be some deeper  psychological shit problem?

Thanks for reading!

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