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Messages - double trouble

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Women / Re: J- breaking painful silence
« on: June 12, 2015, 05:19:55 PM »
Hi J,

I am not a believer but i maybe can understand a bit about your struggle.
I have also tried porn. I felt so rejected and alone, knewing my late husband was a porn addict and now my bf is.
I thought they don't have an interest in me anyway so i surged for a outlet myself.
I watcht porn accasionely, and yes it is an easy way to get to an orgasm. Fortunatly i realized on time that i did'nt want to be like my late husband and my current bf. I want to make love, not just an easy get of. I don't wan't to be as numb as they where and are. Maybe you are far to deep in this by now but what i do when i feel the urge. immediately stop and go do something else. My trigger is when i am alone in bed, so what i do is hup out of bed when i feel the urge, make myself a cup of coffee and move on with the things i have to do. Maybe its an easy way of speaking for me and i am not near as far in as you are but i also think you have to approach this like the male addicts here. If you really wan't to stop this


Best wishes, double trouble

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Women / Re: get it of my chest
« on: June 12, 2015, 04:51:30 PM »
hi J,

Thank you for replying to me. I hope this is going to be a save haven for me.
On the other hand i am hoping my bf eventualy wil sign up here also.
Hope he does not discover who i am here, cause then i don't think i could be as open about my feelings

About him having to wan't himself to change, i get that. Have read a lot here and on posarc
( also a recommendation for partners of sex addicts)
What my plan is, is that when we come home i immediately, wan't to talk with him
And i am gonna set some boundries ( how the hell do you spell that?) grinzz sorry.
i am better in talking then wrighting english
Anyway....if i am going to continue with him , and that depents on what kind of answers he is gonna give me about whether he had or not had sex with another woman or maybe more than one. But suppose he has not, or suppose i can deal with the fact and i go through with him, i wan't total transparancy from him. I wan't k9 or something on all of his devices.
Most of all for my reassurance, and of what i have read, and he want's to heal also for the better of him
I wanna go through every harddrive, sticky and so on, his bills you name it
If he will not, and of game. Then its over.
I have allready been fuckt up by my late husband ( i realize that only now, not back then) and i am sure as hell i don't let that happen to me again.

Thing is, i am not so sure if he really want's to stop this. My geuss is' that he is going to be mad, pack his bag and leave.
But then again so be it. I am selfsuporting, so who needs an asshole?
No that's me being angry, of course i love him and he is a sweetheart, and we get along well. He is good with my 2 girls and i am with his daughter.
So that will be the hard part to leave him, but i will if he is not commited to change or he choses porn over me

You see i am onaware at this moment what is going to happen and where this is going to lead.
If i have the talk with him i will ask him if i can show him some films from ybop, the tedx en from uuuuh don't know his name.
I don't even think that he has any idea of what is going on with him. Hopefully he will see the light after these films?
I also know that i have to be supportive and all that kind of thing. But i am so mad at him and so tired of doing this fake
tweedelydoo tweedelyda thing and acting as if nothing is going on. I rather strangle him right now.
But okay, i am going to do this and hold on for just a few couple of weeks

And i am going to do a std test after my vacation. That also makes me so mad. It will cost me a small fortune to do that
and it is'nt even my fault

Thank you again for reading my story and for thinking with me, i needed that

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Partners of Rebooters and Addicts / Re: Need help desperately
« on: June 10, 2015, 06:49:29 PM »
Thank you laflower22 for the link. It is very helpfull for me. And i finaly know i am alought to have these feelings and what to do with them. So thanx

4
So agreeing with Gracie and the above. Unfurtunely i have to keep it short because i don' t know the language that well

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You go girl! Your an exemple for a lot of us i think

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Partners of Rebooters and Addicts / Re: I am my own worst enemy
« on: June 10, 2015, 02:12:28 PM »
Hi Broken, i can fully understant your worries and fear, especialy now your pregnant. It already is very hard for a " normal" woman so with those hormones i quess it is even harder.
I read a comment here from a lady who said: it is his responsebility and we must leave it to them. We cannot put our whole lives on hold for his adiction. You have to enjoy your pregnancy. Do'nt let his adiction ruin this very special time in your live. Try to step away from it a bit. No sence in worrying al the time because there is nothing you can do but wait what will happen, and hopefuly you'll begain to see some changes in time with him. I know it is easy to say, i myself am struggling not to think about it al day and night. But then i try to remember those words of that woman and trying to take a bit of my life back. Sorry for my english, it is not my home language.
come on try to enjoy and live your live a little. His adiction is not all in the world there is.

Stay strong, greets double trouble

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Women / Re: The importance of a "hot female body" for "good sex"
« on: June 10, 2015, 11:18:34 AM »
:o

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Women / Re: get it of my chest
« on: June 10, 2015, 10:33:58 AM »
O and i forgot to mention this, but i don't wan't to have sex with him right now.
I won't be some kind of blow up doll where he can live his fantasy's on.
No idea how i am going to manage that  :-\ ;)

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Women / get it of my chest
« on: June 10, 2015, 09:54:56 AM »
Hello all,
I have been reading here on your brain on porn for several weeks.
Now i am participating because the weight is getting to heavy for me with no one to talk to.
I am  a widow for 6 years now,and i am going to be 54 end of this month.
My natural language is'nt english, so i am struggling a bit with my words, hope you understand me anyway.
I chose the name double trouble, because my late husband was also a porn addict and now i have a boyfriend for 4 years,
and i have to go through the same thing again.  He is 57 by the way.

Here is the thing i am struggling with this moment:
I had a long talk with my bf about a half year ago, about his porn use, explained to him how hurtfull and denigrating it is for me. He also knows about the history of my deceased husband and his porn use and how that hurts me, and took my selfasteem away
He promised to quit, told me he thought it would be like quit smoking, and he would just stop. ( my bf did)

After the talk he got sick for about half a year, and so our attention went to that.
did'nt talked about it anymore, and i thought he got the picture about the porn.
But about half of may we had sex, and i found it rather porn like.
Don't know why i had these thoughts now, for our rare sex life has always been, he finishing his self.
In the whole four years he managed to cum inside me once. Also he is going limp during sex.
I think i know much more about it now i have read so much here on ybop. How could i be so wrong and underestimating the porn thing?

Anyway, he had to go away for work, and i checked his computer ( we don't live together)
I was there in his house for a few days. What i discovered was he did watcht porn again.
To see by the dates he never stopped. I was in shock of wat i was founding out later on my own computer, that it was about camsex and a sexdating site. WTF!!?? Porn okay but this is real interaction with woman!

a few days after sex i felt a burn in my vagina the whole time, had pain in my lower belly and as i got home looked it up on internet and what could be most likely was herpes?? Also at the same time he had a sore throat, on the internet it was said that a throat infection is one of the most frequent side effect of herpes.

I have seen it here before that men, when they are far gone also can act out. I only have such a hard time to belief he really would do this?

I know i have to confront him, was'nt it that we are going on vacation in a week. So i am holding it in from mid may.
My sister is going with us and i don't wan't to ruin our holiday for all of us.
It is so hard and heavy to keep it for me, and my fun for the holiday is been down the drain since then.
It is a untenable situation for me, knowing he is home alone, looking at porn, having webcam sex and masturbate. ( To me he would never send a naughty message or something)  And i can't  say anything about it, for the sake of our holiday.

So here i am, turning to you all, for helping me through this
For the men out here, do you think he had really been with another woman, or did i just had a bladder infection?
And am i going crazy about this or am i in denial?

Don't know if i can react to your responses the upcoming weeks because of our vacation, and i don't wan't him to know about this yet.
After my holiday i will respond and hope i have a update about this all. In the mean time i will read you all

It was already very helpfull to read all of your storys and make me understand more about things

Greets Double Trouble

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