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Messages - rainforth13

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Teens / Re: 19 years old - horribly addicted - PIED
« on: March 26, 2014, 09:25:50 PM »
Man, I hear you! I know relapsing can really knock the wind right out of you as it has me so many times before. We're in a fight. (Cue heroic music.) We can choose to get back up or stay down. Getting back up will always say more about a person. Adversity, pain, and difficult times change and grow us, not when everything is going smoothly. Sometimes our selfish nature tells us otherwise because we think things need to go a certain way, our way, but we can't change the way things are, we can only change ourselves.

Believe it or not, I'm not the only one to ever say these things:

Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. -Confucius

Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again. -Nelson Mandela

Get up and keep going! Work out difficult situation, work through the pain and disappointment, quit feeling sorry for yourself or being hard on yourself when you relapse. It happens. To all of us. And stop relating your present situation to how you've done in the past too. Your current situation is not that one, I bet you didn't focus on comparing a past situation when you went 18 days that one time. All you can do is in the here and now so focus on that. Comparing will only make you feel worse anyway. All you got is here and now so do something about it!

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Teens / Re: 19 years old - horribly addicted - PIED
« on: March 24, 2014, 11:30:50 PM »
Empathy: I have had bad anxiety lately too, mostly from work among other things. I find myself using porn as a way to escape it momentarily but in the end I'm just compounding my own pain because then I get frustrated with myself for pmo-ing. Anxiety mixed with frustration doesn't go well. I was freaking out internally last friday night, and I wasn't doing anything but watching college bball.

You would think that this would fuel me to realize better in future situations but the reality is once triggered I go down the path that my brain knows so well in a hurry as we all do. This is tough because as soon as I am anxious my brain thinks to go to pmo-ing. I have to rewire my brain to something different (healthier hopefully) when I get triggered by stress. This takes time like d2222 said and it isn't easy but with consistent rewiring our brains will not resort to pmo-ing naturally.

Main thing is to not get down on yourself for relapsing, otherwise you're spiraling downwards in a nasty cycle. Break free of the cycle by not getting down on yourself and look to make the most of the rest of your current day as well as tomorrow better. When tomorrow gets here, make it better than the day before. One day at a time, one hour at a time. You got this!

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Ages 20-29 / Re: My story...
« on: March 24, 2014, 11:03:18 PM »
Right on guys. Good input somethingelse, d2222 and jms42!

Dimitri,

Thanks for your service in the Air Force!

To further answer your question about how to know when you've hit a complete reboot: By definition, reboot is a complete rest from artificial sexual stimulation. The definition of addiction, per somethingelse's post, is 'the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, as narcotics, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma.' I would then combine the two and in short say you have rested from pmo-ing to such a point where you are no longer enslaved to pmo-ing. I don't know that anyone can actually quantify that though i.e. it happened at this specific time, although some people can quit cold turkey, but for most of us it is a process of taking steps towards that point and eventually looking back and realizing the amount of rest that has transpired and the freedom that you are living out of. Hope that makes some sense!

Keep questions and comments going, proud of you for sharing.

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I agree, Big Lebowski.

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Ages 20-29 / Re: My story...
« on: March 21, 2014, 07:57:29 PM »
I hear ya. I have a similar fear with telling the next girl in a serious relationship that I have broken off two engagements but I can't think of that now because it doesn't do me any good. And when the time comes, she will react and her true colors about me will be revealed. Yes, there could be some difficulty there but I know they will accept and move forward or not and it will be done. Obviously the latter would suck and hurt but why would I want to be with someone who doesn't accept all of me including my past and my mistakes? The same goes for you except yours is truly a good thing. If I'm a girl (or a guy), I want to hear that. So no need to worry about it now.

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Ages 20-29 / Re: Not starting from scratch
« on: March 21, 2014, 07:50:47 PM »
All good. Big fan of you!

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Teens / Re: 19 years old - horribly addicted - PIED
« on: March 21, 2014, 07:48:25 PM »
It's okay man. Keep moving forward, try to stay positive. It ain't gonna happen over night.

Good choice about the phone! That will help with healing the source of it.

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Ages 20-29 / Re: Not starting from scratch
« on: March 20, 2014, 10:05:21 PM »
None taken at all Robust. I agree that it activates natural instincts and makes you clearer.

I think you may have misunderstood my suggestion though. I never said that one's thoughts are getting filled or become filled with a higher power. I just said he should fill them with that. He has to think those thoughts on his own though after his mind is emptied. Those thoughts don't just come about naturally. I only said it because he has mentioned a higher power in some of his previous posts. Otherwise, I wouldn't just say that to someone out of nowhere.

Sorry if I'm being too detailed but just wanted to be clear as your response differed from what I suggested. No harm intended. Again, I don't want to force spirituality on anyone, he has simply posted about it before. I appreciate your support of IF.

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Teens / Re: 19 years old - horribly addicted - PIED
« on: March 20, 2014, 09:29:59 AM »
Good job on not relapsing! It truly is tough when our brains get triggered not to go down that path since our brains know a reward is coming so props for overcoming that. Use whatever means necessary as long as it isn't harmful to you in another way. Maybe try to look at that girl when you wake up and at night to be reminded like you were how much you don't want ED. One day at a time!

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Ages 20-29 / Re: Not starting from scratch
« on: March 19, 2014, 11:28:26 PM »
The main man on this site Gabe Deem has been doing intermittent fasting for quite some time and swears by it. Here's what I know in basic terms:

Intermittent fasting – which is restricting your food intake to a certain time of day (only eating for a couple hours of day like 12pm-8pm) – has been shown to increase your D2 receptors which correlates with increasing motivation and concentration. Your D2 receptors are a dopamine receptor which receives and recognizes dopamine. Dopamine is what shoots of to get us excited and our brain anticipates reward. This results in more sensitivity to pleasure with real women.

Here's a study:
http://www.bnl.gov/thanoslab/Thanos%20PDF/ZuckerD2_2007.pdf

Fasting in general is healthy though IMO. Even if that means doing one meal a week. Take the time you would be normally using for eating, empty your thoughts and then fill your thoughts with God (a higher power).

Glad to hear your approaching women is more natural. There is definitely a difference when rebooting and not! Keep it up!

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Ages 20-29 / Re: just starting
« on: March 19, 2014, 11:17:50 PM »
Congrats on the 7 days! Welcome to RN, you can find out a lot more about rebooting through the information on this site and the sites we link to. Best of luck, keep sharing! You can do it!

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Ages 20-29 / Re: My story...
« on: March 19, 2014, 11:13:59 PM »
Yes it does sell and it is everywhere. I think a girl's response to you telling her you are a virgin is going to make it very evident to you of what kind of girl she is. It really is a good thing man. No need to lie about it or play it off.

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Ages 20-29 / Re: Failure is no longer an option (1st and Only Reboot)
« on: March 19, 2014, 11:03:27 PM »
Hi LanceG! Welcome to RN, glad you are here!

When I was younger, I would do the same thing with watching tv to get turned on and then switched to high-speed internet porn. Know that you aren't alone at all! Everyone here struggles in their own way but there is hope for everyone too!

I'm sorry to hear about your recent issues but the issues you described are definitely porn-induced symptoms. Over consuming it rewires your brain and sees porn as more rewarding, thus when you are with a real girl you can't get hard because your brain rewired. You are desensitized now to women and sensitized to porn.

This will take time to heal from so patience is key. Stop watching porn and fill your time with productive things. School can probably keep you pretty busy. Try to figure out what your triggers are that set you off and be aware of those to help prevent further relapsing, but I don't know how much more motivation you need other than having your dick not work with a real girl. That's plenty of motivation I'm sure.

Take some time to read and watch materials on this site and other sites that we suggest to learn more. Knowledge is power to use with your reboot.

Congrats on 2 days! Take it one day at a time. You got this.

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Teens / Re: Fuck my life im deep in porn
« on: March 19, 2014, 10:41:34 PM »
Quote
The only major problem in my life is I fucking piss the bed still...

I appreciate your honesty. Believe it or not I can empathize with you. I wet the bed up until 7th/8th grade. I know what it's like to not be able to drink late at night and not spend the night comfortably at someone's house. I remember those times vividly. Know that this too will pass, though I know that's easy for me to say and it doesn't change your situation.

You say you hate it. Are you bitter about it? Do you use porn to cope with your anger or bitterness towards it? Just asking, could be these things to think about. If not, that's fine, I just didn't know if you had considered that a possibility. I know how angry I was towards it and that was before I had high-speed internet porn to run to. Either way, I understand because the reason I started is because of the pleasure part of it too and now over time I have used it to cope with things.

Use whatever grammar you please, no judgement here. Seriously rooting for you!

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Teens / Re: Fuck my life im deep in porn
« on: March 19, 2014, 04:12:28 PM »
It does suck for sure. And you're right, sex is everywhere we turn! It's like an alcoholic trying to recover that works at a bar, it's hard to avoid. That's good you are aware of how widespread it is.

That's all good you told your girl, I will say that it is tough for most women to understand this so that's common. At least she didn't leave upon hearing that.

Porn is the cause for a lot of things but it is also the result of a lot things too, like for me I have issues with my dad having an affair and I broke off two engagements with two different girls. At first I used to do porn because I lusted after women but after those things happened I used it to hide pain or deal with stress, I still do sometimes. I think the things that cause the porn are important to find out about too. The sooner we identify this the sooner we can make steps in the right direction.

Maybe try to write down or think of things that you are thankful for in life right now and focus on those. Just a suggestion.

I'm here, when you need to vent.

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Ages 20-29 / Re: Not starting from scratch
« on: March 18, 2014, 07:26:41 PM »
Congrats on 22 days!

Flatlining is common when recovering so don't freak out but doesn't sound like you have a good handle of what's going on. Hooray for your brain sensitivity! I know one thing that is really good too for recovering brain sensitivity is fasting. Might try it ever so often.

Working out is a great thing to do and fill your time with. Sounds like you have a lot to keep you busy which is a good thing. Continue in your steps program and your mindset of gratefulness, not taking this journey lightly. Getting over-confident can deceive us into letting down our guard so a humble mindset is a very good thing! Keep it up!

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Teens / Re: Fuck my life im deep in porn
« on: March 18, 2014, 07:15:23 PM »
Dude you're gonna be alright. Take a step back from your situation and try to gather some perspective. You've only just begun to take the first steps. Getting over ED doesn't happen over night bro. Sorry. Just the way the body works. Take a chill pill and realize Viagra will only cure the symptoms but not the source of your problem. Heal the source first and for good, but patience, patience, patience is key. One day at a time. Like I said, your girl will be your girl if she truly loves you. This is a good test to see if you mean more to her than just sex. Relationships are about more than just the physical side. You got this!

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Teens / Re: 19 years old - horribly addicted - PIED
« on: March 17, 2014, 08:56:44 PM »
Don't get down on yourself for relapsing. It happens to the best of us. Sometimes it's one step back and two steps forward, especially when we first start things. I mean how long have you been struggling with this? It's never easy to break something that's been going on for a long time. Getting mad at yourself doesn't do anything but beat yourself up. Realize it's not what you want and learn from it. Continue to move forward and try new things (like you setting goals). Don't prove Einstein's theory of insanity to be true because we already know it is. You can't expect different results if you keep doing the same thing. Urges and temptations are going to happen but prepare yourself for those times. It's easier said than done but you will surely fail with no plan. Working out is a great thing to do so keep that going! Continue to fill your time with productive things, you have to replace the urge. You can't just do away with it and not fill it with something new.

One day at a time! You got this.

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Well said Alex!

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Ages 20-29 / Re: My Journal
« on: March 16, 2014, 08:01:21 PM »
Absolutely Ninja! Take it one day at a time and that goes for everything. Goals and rebooting. Remember that in your process to accomplish all these things that you are given the same amount of time each day that the President and other world leaders are given. Meaning we all are given the same time to do things in a given day and that we can only do so much with each day we are given.

We live in a society of wanting everything now. But the truth is that just isn't realistic in most aspects of life. Things take time and that's okay because the process is just a beautiful if not more than the destination. Life is more about who we are becoming than what we are doing and where we are going. Focus on the time at hand and over time you'll accomplish a lot, just one small step at a time. You got this!


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Teens / Re: Fuck my life im deep in porn
« on: March 16, 2014, 07:54:39 PM »
And you're right, this is going to be an epidemic unless those that already know or have experienced it let everyone else know. We can all do our part in spreading the word about it.

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Teens / Re: Fuck my life im deep in porn
« on: March 16, 2014, 07:53:31 PM »
I know it's tough being with a girl and not being able to have sex. If the relationship is meant to be then it will work out, sex or not. Maybe you could try explaining to her what's going? I know that seems crazy but wouldn't you rather be with a woman that is supportive of you and of your current situation? Consider this time to work on other areas of your relationship. Sex is awesome but it isn't the only thing that sustains relationships.

This will take some time and you need patience. Know you aren't alone in this as all of us are on the site for similar reasons.

This time does suck for you but you have plenty of life ahead of you. Consider it a season to get your mind right for the rest of your life. Now that you know what's going on, you are able to do something about it that will genuinely heal you back to normal. There's hope in that. There is a way to get through this - I can see you wanting to commit suicide if there was no solution but there is so don't give up and stay the course.

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Ages 20-29 / Re: Not starting from scratch
« on: March 15, 2014, 11:45:43 PM »
You have a great attitude and outlook on your situation! Continue to be and think positive. One day at a time for sure!

Quote
The only problem is being patient while I go through the ups and downs.

This is key. Patience is hard but we don't truly learn patience until it is tested. Otherwise we don't have to be patient if we don't have to wait on something, if that makes sense.

Quote
It's amazing how many parallels there have been this reboot as one I did 18 months ago.

Glad to hear your confidence is going good as you have experienced it before and there are many parallels which is proof that staying away from PMOing is a healthy thing.

It is nice to just cuddle with a girl and be able to just do life together. Sometimes as guys we are so selfish in thinking what we want all the time and not taking a step back to see all the little things going that truly matter in the long run. This is a good perspective to have. Women deserve to be treated better than just pieces of meat or objects of our fantasies.

Quote
My erections and emotional moods are too unpredictable right now.

Continue to give it time with real girls. I know this is tough but it's for the best ultimately. No need in stressing yourself out over a girl you barely know right now. Try to be content in all things you listed and know that you will find a girl soon enough. Healing right now is the most important thing.

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Ages 20-29 / Re: My story...
« on: March 15, 2014, 11:04:00 PM »
Hi Dimitri, welcome to RN! Thanks for sharing!

Quote
I would stay up late flicking through channels until I came across a dirty movie.

I would do this same thing, surfing channels trying to find a Girls Gone Wild commercial or something to get off to.

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Mom goes out and buys high speed internet. You already know from research disaster was bound to happen.

This is so true for many of us and when high speed internet came out, watch the video on Gabe's story and you'll hear the same thing. Just know that you aren't alone!

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(Dopamine overdose you can say)?

Yes, indeed. Novelty brings shock value which brings about more dopamine.

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I'd find ways to hide it or store it on my little first generation PSP.

This brings back memories. My friends and I did this throughout high school. Something about the fearful hiding of it also makes for more shock but PSPs were as cool as they were dangerous.

Quote
I started feeling the physical effects around this time.

Porn has many harmful effects as you are experiencing several of these: brain fog, anti-social, drained, etc. so don't think this is abnormal. You seem to be aware of these and that fact which is a good sign!

Quote
%100 complete rock bottom...

Sometimes we have to hit rock bottom in order to have something to push back up from. I know you've been battling back and forth for the last couple of years but stay strong. Know it isn't the end of the world if you relapse but to learn from and keep pressing on!

This is a good quote from Jim Rohn: “We must all suffer one of two things: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret or disappointment.”

So continue to keep putting in the work and consistency will follow!

And one last thing, don't be upset that you are still a virgin. I wish I was still one honestly and there is no shame in being one. Save yourself for your wife! What an awesome thing to be able to say to her if you do.


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