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Messages - Jay1946

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Partners of Rebooters and Addicts / Re: iPhone and blocking porn
« on: October 19, 2015, 04:23:07 PM »
In my case, I need the features of a smart phone for my job, but a couple of my 12 Step group buddies have switched to a "dumb" phone and it's worked for them.

I'm not technically savvy, so what I say may not be the best way of doing it:
I installed the Covenant Eyes filter in my computer. It also blocks my Iphone, but it will take willpower on your husband's part because it takes some manual handling to get it to work. You download the Covenant Eyes app on the iphone and once in the app go to settings/Refresh Filter and it will update the filter on the Iphone to match the one on the computer.  My wife is the filter guardian in Covenant Eyes, so I can't uninstall it, or unblock sites. And she, also, put the Restrictions Passcode on my Iphone for added security.

The main benefit of all of this, is that my porn addiction is out in the open with my wife, we talk about it, and it's no longer a dark secret in our marriage.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Science vs Porn: the diary of an addicted neuroscientist.
« on: September 22, 2015, 07:39:06 PM »

I've read your posts and you are very analytical in describing our situation. I say our, because all of us are facing the same struggle, you are not alone. The most important thing to remember is to never give up.

You asked about Filters. It's a fundamental piece of my recovery program. Without it I would be viewing porn in the net 24/7. I use Covenant Eyes and it works very well for me,

All filters give problems, but Covenant Eyes has a very good help desk and I've been able to work through those problems.

Best of Luck:

Porn Addiction / Re: How to block porn on YouTube?
« on: September 14, 2015, 03:05:02 PM »
I agree with jjyb. It's not really about willpower, it's a lot more complex than that. I'm affraid that since each person is different, it entails a different set of variables for each person. My suggestion is that you take the many ideas that are put forth in this forum and try them out. You'll find what works and/or doesn't work for you.

Good Luck:

Porn Addiction / Re: How to block porn on YouTube?
« on: September 12, 2015, 02:49:29 PM »
Unfortunately I've had no choice but to block access to Youtube. It's been the only way of keeping me from finding stuff that inevitably leads me to relapse.

I use Covenant Eyes and they have a feature where you can block specific sites that are not porn sites, but in which one can find one's own porn.

Ages 20-29 / Re: Success is not final, failure is not fatal
« on: August 07, 2015, 11:02:44 AM »

1) Instalar un filtro en tu computadora. Yo uso "Covenant Eyes" y es muy bueno.
2) Solo acceso mi computadora o mi Iphone en lugares adonde es visible a otras personas. Sea en casa o en mi oficina. No tengo Ipad... para mi seria una tentacion mas.
3) Los malos habitos solo se vencen reemplazandolos con buenos habitos. En el sitio de internet sugieren un ejercicio que a mi me ha servido mucho "The T-U-P Exercise" Buscalo. La conclusion a la que llegue despues de terminar el ejercicio es de que, en mi caso particular, no debo de tener tiempo ocioso, en el que pueda estar aburrido, y estando solo (por ejemplo, cuando mi esposa no esta en la casa) porque eso automaticamente me lleva a ver pornografia. Asi que he hecho una lista de "buenos habitos" (leer, salir a correr, salir a caminar, platicar con mis hijos por telefono, etc etc) a los que inmediatamente recurro cuando me siento tentado. Por supuesto que cada uno tenemos una lista diferente de habitos alternos a buscar la pornografia en el internet.

Buena Suerte:


Ages 20-29 / Re: If I Don't Quit I Will Lose Everything - Daily Journal
« on: August 07, 2015, 10:43:08 AM »
"its more just that I lie about it to hide it because I'm ashamed and she understandably can't stand it anymore"

I can totally understand your desire to hide what you're doing. We all have pride and don't want to shame ourselves admitting that we've stumbled.

In my case, I am married, and I've decided that my wife has the right to feel secure in our relationship and that there is no part of me that should be hidden from her. We both agreed that it's preferable that I don't share the ugly details, but, I do tell her when I'm struggling with my addiction. It keeps our relationship transparent.

Ages 20-29 / Re: If I Don't Quit I Will Lose Everything
« on: August 06, 2015, 01:05:28 PM »
Faisal, many of us have been in the same situation you are in. We have placed everything that is important in our lives at risk, because of our addiction to porn.

Don't despair. For me, the realization that I was placing everything I cared for at risk is what made me see the sheer irrationality of my addiction and what started me on the path to recovery. If your girlfriend is someone that loves and appreciates you, she will understand if you stumble, as long as you do not waver in your commitment to overcome your addiction to porn, and honor and respect her as she deserves.

Ages 20-29 / Re: Success is not final, failure is not fatal
« on: August 05, 2015, 04:06:51 PM »

Te respondo, porque tambien domino igualmente el Ingles que el Español. Me da mucha alegria el poder conversar en Español.

Tu problema es, aparentemente, el mismo que nos ha traido a este sitio a la gran mayoria de los que estamos aqui. Gracias a sentirme que no estoy solo al compartir esta experiencia con tantos otros, he podido lograr mas de noventa dias sin PMO. Cai hace unos dias, pero no he dejado que eso me venza y he comenzado el camino de nuevo.

Soy casado y mi relacion con mi esposa se ha fortalecido increiblemente desde que estoy haciendo el esfuerzo de no ver P ni MO. No te sientas menos hombre ni menos persona por este problema, que somos muchos los que estamos en la misma situacion que tu. !Animo!

Saludos y Buena Suerte.

Ages 40 and up / Re: 60 Day Reboot: From addiction to connection
« on: July 15, 2015, 08:01:01 PM »

I read your initial thread and there's a lot I identify with. In my life I have found that there is an inverse correlation between PMO and connection with my wife. So, I fully buy the idea that the opposite to addiction is connection.

Wish you the best in this journey you just initiated. You're not alone.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Jay's Journal
« on: July 15, 2015, 07:42:22 PM »
Thanks Chile and Andy

Ages 40 and up / Re: Jay's Journal
« on: July 15, 2015, 09:15:46 AM »
I made it to 90 days! That's the most I've been able to stay away from porn induced M and O since I became addicted to internet porn.

Somewhere along the way I had to change my goal from no PMO to only MO because I was dabbling in soft internet porn. Now I'm going to try to go for no PMO for 90 days. It's been a hard journey. The difficulty drives home the depth of the addiction.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Breaking Free from Porn
« on: July 14, 2015, 08:25:14 PM »
I made it to 90 days! That's the most I've been able to stay away from porn induced M and O since I became addicted to internet porn.

Somewhere along the way I had to change my goal from no PMO to only MO because I was dabbling in soft internet porn.
Now I'm going to try to go for no PMO for 90 days.

It's been a hard journey. The difficulty drives home the depth of the addiction.

Ages 20-29 / Re: OneLifeForm
« on: July 07, 2015, 10:24:07 AM »
Wow Congratulations!

I'm almost there also. It has taken a lot of energy to stick to the goal, and I had to modify it in that I started with No PMO for 90 days, and modified it to No MO for 90 days, because I kept on falling for soft porn. All of this has made me comprehend the depth of my addiction. If it's SO HARD to stay away from it, it has to be because it's really ingrained.

Keep up the good work.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Breaking Free from Porn
« on: June 18, 2015, 09:12:25 PM »

Sounds like your brain is retrieving memories to get a dopamine fix, because you're starving it of the cyber stuff. I did the chat stuff many years ago,and it was when I was most estranged with my wife. I quit doing it and I don't miss it  The intimacy we have with my wife, developed by focusing on her is much more satisfying and enjoyable than any of the fake stuff on chat.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Jay's Journal
« on: June 17, 2015, 09:05:51 PM »
70% to my 90 day goal. Hard to believe that I am so addicted that I couldn't stay away from PMO for a couple of months.

No MO, but frequent keyword searches to sites that turn me on. Seems like the desire to get a dopamine fix doesn't subside.

A few nights ago, I was sleeping deeply and my wife started to stroke my p. I woke up, and felt such an incredible sensation. A sensitivity I had not felt in years. The very positive result of not MO'ing for more than sixty days. When I was in the throes of PMO there is no way I could have felt like this.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Castaway
« on: June 03, 2015, 11:10:41 PM »
Time alone is my biggest challenge, whether it's on a business trip, or because my wife is out of town, or because my wife is running errands on a Saturday and I'm alone at the house for a number of hours...these are all cues for my brain to push for a dopamine fix.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Jay's Journal
« on: June 02, 2015, 09:02:17 AM »
I can't believe I've reached 47 days. More than half way to my 90 day goal. I am happy on the one hand, but sad on the other. Sad with the realization that it has taken so much effort to keep away from porn-an indication of how addicted I am-and how much life I am missing, wasting my time surfing for porn.

I've felt a lot of urges in the last three or four days to go for a dopamine fix. I've done some keyword searches for stuff that turns me on, and fleetingly accessed some of the sites, but, fortunately, it didn't go beyond that. Hasn't helped that my wife has been out of town and I've had the house to myself. We're getting back together today.

Seems like my brain is programmed to think "no wife, happy porn!"

Ages 40 and up / Re: Jay's Journal
« on: May 29, 2015, 03:08:04 PM »

Bloomberg Politics Article. "Why Carly Fiorina Keeps Talking about Porn..."

Maybe they all need to be referred to

Ages 40 and up / Re: Castaway
« on: May 27, 2015, 11:20:15 AM »
So I have been reading some articles on YBOP (, mostly about exercise and the use of it during reboot.  Has anyone also found that this helped to keep them focused?

I've been a runner for more than forty five years. for 18 out of those 45 I've been addicted to Porn. So, exercise has not prevented me from getting addicted. Unfortunately the time I dedicated to internet porn is time I could have used to exercise. Many a times I've neglected going out for a run, because of being engrossed in the net. Nevertheless, now that I am trying to "sober up" exercise is one of the preferred activities to make me feel good about myself and keep me away from the junk.

Ages 40 and up / Re: good morning
« on: May 27, 2015, 11:13:54 AM »
I'm sure many of us read "The Joy of Sex", a book published in the 1970's. The internet has made us forget all of that advice. With PMO one goes from zero to 60 in no time. Just watch the screen, get excited and MO. You're hungry, go to McDonalds, get yourself a Big Mac and problem solved!

But real sex is more like fine dining. You've got to dress up for the occasion, start with the appetizers and a nice bottle of wine-cuddle, foreplay, say nice things to each other-the kind of things that get the wive's engines roaring-and, only then, can your start with the main course!

One of the benefits of no PMO is that it gives us the opportunity to rediscover "The Joy of Sex".

Ages 40 and up / Re: Jay's Journal
« on: May 26, 2015, 09:30:14 AM »
Reflecting on so many of the posted stories. There's a definite pattern:
  • Started watching porn in early adolescence (11-13 years old), out of normal teen curiosity about sex.
  • Because of the constant and easy availability of online porn, got addicted to porn.
  • Progressed to darker stuff, and even stuff not related to one's original inclinations
  • Eventually lost the ability to connect with a live person.
  • PIED & ED & other consequences.
Wow. This is no joke!!!!

My story is not much different, except that I got into it when I became 50 years old, which coincided with the advent of high speed internet. Also got into it out of curiosity, and became addicted to the stuff.
I was not much into porn in my teenage or young adult years. In College, Playboy and Hustler is how you got your Dopamine fixes.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Breaking Free from Porn
« on: May 26, 2015, 09:22:17 AM »
really??!! 8 pages??!! If this were fitness stuff and Chile were my gym trainee, I would retire with him!!

Guys. I don't understand what's the problem here. If Chile started this thread he has every right to post whatever and as often as he wants-as long as he respects the site's rules. One is always free not to read it, but it's his thread.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Castaway
« on: May 26, 2015, 09:15:14 AM »
I I have been contemplating all the wasted time I have spent in this addiction. Lost time with my family and I don’t really have any friends any more. It truly is a sickness, it takes you away from everyone and acts like it is your only true friend, when in reality it is the reason you don’t have any real relationships in the first place.

You're not the only one!

When one is engrossed in PMO, one loses touch with reality, and as long as one is into PMO, one never touches ground. It's only when you come back to earth that you realize that you've been zoned out all that time and have missed whatever life has been happening around you.

Better late than never. Best not to look back at the past-except to learn from it-and focus on living life to it's fullest. Without PMO.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Starting
« on: May 25, 2015, 06:48:13 PM »

Thanks for referring us to the video. Seeing it reminded me of the 1960's when I went to College. At the time, the negative effect of LSD and other mind altering drugs was not well known, and many kids were into the stuff with the same attitude that people today have towards internet porn...."what's the big deal, this stuff is not harmful."

Like Maria in the Video stated, people have a right to know. To be educated in the harmful consequences of internet porn, so they can make their own learned decisions. Reboot is doing an incredible job doing precisely that and deserve to be commended and supported.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Breaking Free from Porn
« on: May 25, 2015, 03:58:27 PM »
Sorry to hear you have to go to such lenghts to have a filter. I have Covenant Eyes and it does complicate my internet access at work, but nothing I can't live with.

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