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Messages - Shakrai

Pages: [1] 2
1
Ages 20-29 / Re: "I can control the Zero. F*ck the Zero"
« on: April 28, 2015, 04:14:49 PM »
U know what helps? Physical contact with people, girls. Hugging, dating, going to the movies. Stuff like that. The famous, so-called "rewiring", literally.

Get it?

Rewire your brain to other stuff.

Brain got like 1000 connections.

U can't kill porn, and get more connections to other stuff - there's a fixed number, 1000.

Gotta get those 1000 and relocate them to stuff other than porn.

In other words, rewire!

Tee-hee.

Anything goes, as far as I'm concerned.

I'm a nerd, so I like videogames and RPG and board games, and I've been doing that. Not all videogames, though! Just the ones really meaningful to me. Really pleasurable. Also, I'm bonding A LOT MORE with people, from family, to friends, and strangers, and the guy from the desk at my building, and even classmates.

Dude! Seriously! You're an ironwilled motherfocker, you can do anything you want. One perceives so just by reading the way you put out your thoughts and feelings.

I'm with you! And I agree with you, there. 40+ days streak? You're a monster, a gladiator. I failed at ~15, but I keep on going, gathering new, practical info, from every streak. And I'll be dammed if I won't make it at least 20+ this streak! Hell, I'm even risking 40+... And you can send me a "fuck you" letter, via mail, if I don't! Really, I'll share you my physical adress! Haha.

Guess what I'm trying to say is, keep on going, hard more is the way to go. If you can't do hard more, at least don't M. If you HAVE to O, do it with a real girl. It's going to start and feel different... And it WILL take the edge off - the other day, you won't even want to think about sex, your brain was so flooded with dopamine FROM ALL THE SKIN AND EMOTIONS AND SMELLS AND HAIR etc etc etc... Trust me! Lol.

K, so, too much info, gtg now. Tty l8r, lol. Rly. Bye!

2
Ages 20-29 / Re: Starting, day 1.
« on: April 28, 2015, 04:06:38 PM »
That's the rebooting working. I've felt things like those, too. Just makes you think you've improved as a person. And it's kind of that, really... Anyways, I've too felt reduced "social anxiety", considerably, when quitting P.

But the farthest I've got, as a streak, was ~15 days, so I wouldn't know how to advice you better... Since a lot of folks say they keep going until 30, 60, 90 days... It may be so that things can get a hell lot worse, then - but then again, you could just improve, steadily... Just wanted to give a warning, a heads up - no matter what happens, stay focused!

And trust me when I say this, relapsing can't do any good, but delaying your progress. Even though you don't lose all your progress when you relapse, you can't get 100% healed (including human relationships, and how you perceive reality) if u keep doing P. Even if you must stay off-line for a few days, don't give in.

Well, what am I saying, you're not struggling with such difficulties. Don't even think about it, then... Since it doesn't matter.
Reminds me of a story... A guy wrote in a wall, "no pissing allowed here", and bums started pissing there - no one had ever done it before. He gave them the idea. Lol. So, hope I'm not giving you a chance to be thinking about relapsing... Pretend I never said it.

3
Ages 20-29 / Re: Starting, day 1.
« on: April 27, 2015, 01:10:25 PM »
Remember... We will be watching.

4
Ages 20-29 / Re: "I can control the Zero. F*ck the Zero"
« on: April 14, 2015, 10:16:07 PM »
Day 19:

edit: FAIL once again. For the third time in the last months, I relapse as soon as I'm successful in other areas of my life. I don't know what's wrong.... Today I received results from exam which are really good. I was really proud of myself for the rest of the day and all and I was all the more proud because at the same time I was 1 day away from the 3 week milestone. Then the next thing I realise is that I've PMO'd....
This happened to me 3 times since december...I have Great results or news... the same day or the day after, I relapse. It's like I need to celebrate somehow, I tell to myself "You deserve it, You worked hard" and then all the barriers I slowly built up during the streak fall and I give in...I need to dix those emotional problems because I'm wasting my time with this...

I'll need some time to rethink how I envision my reboot. I need to make some mental change because if I keep going like this, I'm only bound to relapse in 2-3-4 weeks again. I need to call into question what motivates me.

Dammit, man! Jackpot! You hit the spot hard on this one.
Really happened the same for me, whenever I was being sucessful on my reboot.
Strongest trigger? Huge sucess in life, whatever area.
Just makes you wanna go for the biggest reward you know: orgasm.
What would be the solution??? Because it seems to me we have found the cause of failure, here!!!
Should I go partying, instead? Play my favorite music real loud? Maybe burn up some recreational drugs and trip to some tunes...? Because sex is off, since I've got no gf, and no potential partners in sight! ...not even that interested, TBH - kind of on a mild flatline right now.
So, we spotted a meaty one! Where should we go next? Help me on this one, we're all in this together, remember?

5
Ages 20-29 / Re: "I can control the Zero. F*ck the Zero"
« on: April 14, 2015, 10:09:38 PM »
Hard Mode is the way to go, I'm with you there all the way.

6
Ages 20-29 / Re: Taha Journal 2
« on: April 12, 2015, 09:35:25 PM »
But the good thing about that, is once you do realise, you're not going to look back. Not intentionally, at least. Maybe at some moment of weakness, but then again, maybe, and probably, you're going to read everything related to "not giving up", "gaining strenght to withold temptations and urges", etc., once you do realise that.

It's just our minds focusing on our goals, and better ways to achieve them. It's all about steps, and goals, I think. Towards a distant end. An objective, a final objective. We're always going there, and as long as we keep resolute to go, or even wanting to go, aiming to go, we're getting there.

It's amazing, innit? Wonderful.

7
Ages 20-29 / Re: Taha Journal 2
« on: April 12, 2015, 09:30:14 PM »
Rebooting experiment is interesting... U try and try, and try, until you realise the only way out is OUT. And like, through the door, no looking back, and simple as that. Just straight foward. But, until you yourself realise that, it's a long and twisted "trial and error" experiment, IMO...

8
Ages 20-29 / Re: Taha Journal 2
« on: April 11, 2015, 01:54:12 PM »
terrible. one sexual encounter can make us subhuman. wow. so why our culture is so pro-sex ?

If you think about it, sex is action to generate life; it shouldn't be so surprising that it is so extreme, in many senses. But I agree, our culture treats sex like a child's game! Just for entertainment... For me, what's more startling is the enourmous ammount of intimacy shared during sex, which people just forget about I think.

9
Ages 20-29 / Re: Taha Journal 2
« on: April 11, 2015, 11:54:44 AM »
Hit rock bottom today, wrote a couple of suicide notes and googled a bit for information on suicide, then I came up from the bottom of the muddy well holding this precious gem I wrote about in the last post. Read it, and treasure it: it is very valuable information. Trust me. It can save your life to know you've been a mess for your entire adult life because your concentration and dedication was cut up to 10% due to porn addiction, and other nasty habits indirectly related. Gives hope that you can become an actual person. Cheers.

10
Ages 20-29 / to Taha
« on: April 11, 2015, 11:51:02 AM »
1. http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/what-causes-post-orgasmic-symptoms
What causes post-orgasmic symptoms?

2. http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/men-does-frequent-ejaculation-cause-hangover
Men: does frequent ejaculation cause a hangover?

3. http://www.nature.com/nrn/journal/v12/n11/full/nrn3119.html
Dysfunction of the prefrontal cortex in addiction: neuroimaging findings and clinical implications.
Note: how addiction messes with the prefrontal cortex, and how the prefrontal cortex is not only related to decision-making and strenght of will, but also to memory, concentration, attention to other stimuli other than addiction-related, etc. Also, how does the physical connections between neurons "give priority", or attention, to addiction-related neural pathways when bingeing/craving, rather than to regular stimuli - why everything seems "blunt" when we're craving. A conclusion? Realise that, remember that, and force yourself to go take a walk outside when absolutely nothing at all seems to be stimulating. It's all in the brain, plain old chemicals and phisiology.

-

Taha, I just hope this helps you as much as it helped me.
I relate to you because you are such an open and honest person regarding this situation.
I honestly wish, from all my heart, to help you in any way I can.
Information is empowerment, use it with dedication.
Best of luck.

11
Ages 20-29 / Re: Taha Journal 2
« on: April 10, 2015, 01:34:38 AM »
Taha, can you make a short comparisson list for us, between you today, and you at day 1 from reboot? I think we'd all like to see that.

12
Hey Shakrai,

Unfortunately, lyon3 decided to move on from the forums about a week ago, felt it was consuming too much of his time, and was becoming an addiction itself for him.

I have some perspective on what you're asking though.  I think what you're describing is what everyone realizes about 20-30 days into this thing...this is NOT just about porn - it's about life.  We've all used porn to run away from life is the ugly truth we must eventually face, and when we stop doing that, our lives become more full, alive, and passionate, and we have the experience of seeing our true selves I think as well.  Don't despair if you only get a glimpse of yours at first; just persist, and he will show up more & more frequently.  Your brain is going through an entire re-wiring process, so just easy does it, and have patience it's all working out, and it will.

Hope this helps.

It has been a few days, 4 I think, since felt the experience I described above. In these few days, I've experienced what you just said, ntg, just hadn't realised it. I have this feeling of gratitude inside my chest right now, from reading this, and I want to thank you for writing those words here. It has been exactly that, the truth behind my realisations.
God! Been so frustrated these past 5+ years, for having so many dreams and not ever fully accomplishing any of them. Escaping the frustrations and hardships of life so hard has prevented me from creating a thicker skin, which has cost me all those dreams.
Today, however, I feel stronger than I ever did, and I know there's still plenty of room for much, much more. And I cannot overstate how happy I am towards my life, as I am, finally, working actual steps to get where I want - and it's a very long run, but for some reason I have something I've NEVER had in my entire life: the certainty that nothing can, and nothing will, get in my way. Other than, of course, some terrible accident, but I'm ever more cautious about that, since it's the only thing that can prevent me from achieving all of my life's goals. And it feels so strange! Haha. But it also feels about right... And, somehow, I feel "special", different somehow, from most other people... Because I can tell most of them are struggling with some form of handicap, be it the need for social approval, or some other addictions, like social media overusage, lack of self-confidence, too much TV, no independent thinking, or whatever, you know? It's as if I'm a god, who can go anywhere, and I'm walking amonsgt men! ...and as a God, I know better than to treat people with despise - because, somehow, I feel people now! I empathise towards them, and they're like my brothers and sisters, or a close friend, even a potential best friend, all of them! It's so funny... I love them all unconditionally, somehow, and it just feels natural, as if that's the way it's supposed to be. So I don't feel superior to any of them, it's more like knowing that, if they wanted to focus their attention somewhere else than distractions most of the time (if they were ever really motivated to do so... because our "system" doesn't really encourages chasing your dreams) they'd be the nest Albert Einstein or Jiddu Krishnamurti, or even Jimi Hendrix! ...it's all about getting there, by choice of will.
So I guess your post really helped me to see the outcome of all this, to realise how things in my life are actually TREMENDOUSLY BETTER now; my guess is, since this is so "new" and "strange", and we have no prior experience in seeing this outcome of things, we become so scared, terrified! Almost frozen, haha. I'm sure if I was doing this reboot by myself, without rebootnation.org, the minute I experienced that terror, I'd have frozen right there, haha.
Thanks, man, so much, just for showing that little bit of support needed from a friend, and for taking the effort to be helpful to others, and understand their needs.
We're all in this together.

13
Ages 20-29 / Re: Taha Journal 2
« on: April 09, 2015, 06:20:00 AM »
Taha youve got a ton of support on this site! You better fuckin remember that. Read what Im about to write and burn this in your mind, if you FEEL like relapsing come to this forum and post about it, go to ybop and watch the intro videos. I dont care if youve posted hundreds of times or watched those videos dozens of times, you need to REMIND your brain why you are doing this when the addiction strikes.

NEVER QUIT, NEVER SURRENDER

Aye aye!

14
Ages 20-29 / Re: Starting, day 1.
« on: April 09, 2015, 06:19:07 AM »
I'm thinking, maybe discipline is key to whitstanding long-lasting storms?

15
Ages 20-29 / Re: Starting, day 1.
« on: April 09, 2015, 06:09:35 AM »
Main thing about booze, in my opinion, is the same as other drugs/escapes/overstimulation (junk food, sweets): it all "feeds" the addiction. Cuz all addiction is merely you trying to escape something really, really shitty in a very, very fast and immediate way. So, in order to really reboot your brain to feel life as normal, I'd advise, cut back a little bit on everything that is overstimulating to the brain: lots of social media websites, smartphones with tons of apps, even TV and videogames, and junk food, and too much intense partying, heavy drugging, etc etc etc... You get the picture. Instead, if you can enjoy a sunday afternoon with a handful of friends playing board games or talking nonsense, or even a pleasant talk with girls, or something more stimulating like a hike, road trip, going out, all is valid as long as it's not overdoing it. The point is to regain control of your life. How can you do it, if you keep hopping from tree to tree, like a starving monkey, desperatly searching for food? Take your time, revaluate your priorities and actions, take your attitudes towards life and others and yourself in consideration, all of this is valid in this process.

Just remember, if a big, dark cloud starts to lay low in your mind (some rebooters report heavy depression times) KEEP IN MIND THAT IT'S PART OF THE REBOOTING PROCESS, AND THAT IT'S GONNA PASS. Because it can get reeeeaaally overwhelming, and trust me when I say this, cuz I'm a guy who's went through a lot of psychic hell through my life, more than just a couple of times. It WILL fool you into thinking all is 100% absolute s*** and that you are completely hopeless and doomed, FOR LIFE. But it's just your brain. Funny, innit?

But then again, it might not happen at all. Depression is just one side of the coin, anxiety is the other. That being the reason why every other rebooter who doesn't experience depression, struggles with heavy, compulsive obsessions towards porn use and end up playing tug of war with their urges, it can get quite nasty. The downers, I'd say it's all about strenght of will, but not to pull the rope harder, but to hang in there long enough. More like endurance, rather than strenght. Guess that's what I have to learn.

What would you know? I ended up learning something, here! haha. Always been the strong-willed guy, bending trees and steel to my will. Never been able to sustain a storm longer than 1 day, though... Maybe that's the reason I fell in this PMO trap in the first place; can't sustain stress. Hah.

Thx, dude. lol
Really, it helped.
Guess we really are all in this together, huh :)

16
Ages 20-29 / Re: Taha Journal
« on: April 09, 2015, 05:52:35 AM »
Regarding: The YBOP e-book.
Those are good points. Do you have the book or e-book?

Aye, I do. You can purchase it here: http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/your-brain-porn-e-book
$5,00

17
Ages 20-29 / Re: "I can control the Zero. F*ck the Zero"
« on: April 09, 2015, 05:49:05 AM »
It also helps to know we're not alone in experiencing many of the effects of quitting PMO. For me, the hardest one has always been the greyness/severe depression/hopelessness, although I've had a bit of fever and insomnia before. Also, glad to know you've quit LoL (abt a year ago), that's a big improvement in anybody's life! LOL

18
Starting to feel grey. Just gonna hang in there and wait for this cloud to pass. Too much has changed for me not being able to do it this time.

19
Ages 20-29 / Re: noises1990, relapsed, now back on track
« on: April 07, 2015, 09:34:44 AM »
sorry noises, I think I sidetracked a bit on that one. didn't mean to do it, though; just thought I'd enlighten a situation for a fellow rebooter

20
Ages 20-29 / Re: noises1990, relapsed, now back on track
« on: April 07, 2015, 09:31:35 AM »
meditation is good, but again it is a far away from reality. you have to go in special kind of state to attain state of meditation. so I don't like meditation.

Hey taha, just to let you know: non-meditation is far away from reality, meditation is letting go of thoughts and desires (both of which create illusions) and seeing raw reality.
You might be talking about a mystical state, or altered states of perception, which some people induce themselves through visualisations and mantra or etc, but that is not medidation, that is visualisation or doing something to achieve something.
Meditation is not doing anything. Meditation is non-interference. Meditation is training your awareness in order to understand better the mind and it's tricks, and learning how to control it, rather than being controlled by it. The mind wants to interfere, because it wants more always, because it is never satisfied, since it is driven by pleasure, and it is not "evil", but only does that because we have unintentionally trained it to behave like that. So, think of it like a wild horse. It would be fine on its own, but if you'd want to ride it, you'd have to learn to tame it, first. Or else, it would just run amok, and impossible to be rode. It would control you, and lead you to where it wanted, instead of you being the leader.
In practical terms, a common meditation technique is to sit still for 5 minutes and watching your breath, while not interfering with it. Just observing it, completely focused on it, no other thoughts or judgements, but also not controlling it in any form. It is not a technique to achieve "mindfullness", "awareness of the moment", but it is just practicing this basic principle: learning to control your mind. That being said, there are countless, literaly infinite ways, in which you could "meditate", in which you could practice this principle, just watching the present reality, letting go of the judgements and thoughts, while also letting go of the idea of a "me" who is doing the letting go, and while not getting caught in trying to get too metaphysical or anything, JUST BEING THERE. Shut the fuck up, mind, let me live for a moment, will you? Thanks.

So, yeah. My opinion is, you should like meditation  :P .

21
Ages 20-29 / Re: Taha Journal 2
« on: April 06, 2015, 11:00:36 PM »
I realised a common trigger for me was chatting online on Facebook. Because it further stimulated my habit of "virtual life". Seeing pictures of pretty girls (fully clothed) and fantasising about romantic affairs with them... in a totally unrealistic way. I only came to realise this when I started quitting and rebooting: one day after withdrawals and insomnia, I was living in limbo when, at college, a coleague of mine approached me with an honest smile, just to sit next to me and study her own stuff. That simple interaction, somehow, awoke something in me: the feeling of love and empathy towards another real human being that's just sitting there right next to ya. Since that day, sometimes I check girls just how I did when I was on porn: mentally, with projections and unrealistic fantasies. But! Some other times, when I see girls, it's an entirely different universe, and it's like falling in love when you're 13 for the first time all over again - over every girl who walks by, haha! I'm even noticing girls who I thought were "ugly", and they too are very beautiful indeed - just a different kind of beautiful I was used to fantasise about, on porn and on Facebook. So, there you go. Keep it up, 5 days, 10 days, 15 days, 20 days absolutely clean, and someday you WILL experience heavy withdrawal, and after that, the change will have kicked in: welcome to your new life.

22
Ages 20-29 / Re: Taha Journal 2
« on: April 06, 2015, 10:52:49 PM »
a hint! something that helped me more than I could ever imagine: a 4-day holiday away from town. when I came back, I was clean, refreshed, porn had loosened its grip on me, and I had recovered my brain very much just by not dealing with everyday-life and routine. if you can, go with good friends, to the countryside, or a small beach house, or just anything that can get your mind away from the confusion and the wars. when you come back, you WILL be much, much more prepared - more than you could ever be if you'd stay home

if that's not a possibility, a different advice would be: hang in there. even if it takes years, you WILL recover 100% - fact.

23
I came looking this part of the forum for any clues on the emotional growth involved in the rebooting process. I've got 30 days or so behind me, and even though I've had several relapses, I can feel a huge progress. Today, however, was the most odd day I've had in the recent decade. Everything just looked so clear: I'm a 25 year old guy who was looking at the world, and interacting with it, as if I was 15. While listening to some songs that portray relationships, feelings and life in a more "mature" way, I could see it: "this is what I should be, this is how I should feel, and this is the kind of stuff I should say", and it felt like there was a huuuge abyss between the current me, and that version of me that I had just saw.

Could you please tell me, from your experience, something, or anything at all, related to that kind of shock? Regarding your emotional reality (which affects your entire life, in ways so deep you cannot help but feel overwhelmingly powerless about them)... Please. I'm sorry to expose such feelings of almost despair, and sorry to get you into this, but I do feel really, really powerless, and almost hopeless about this - if I try to think about doing it myself. The only light I can see right now is in this forum, with these people. Guess there's a lot more out there, but I just don't think I've ever noticed this kind of thing. Please, thank you.

P.S. Hope you don't mind me sending you a PM as well.

24
Ages 20-29 / Re: Starting, day 1.
« on: April 05, 2015, 01:53:14 PM »
My advice is: start slowly, but decisively.
Don't overwhelm yourself with the decision of quitting porn from your life, either mentally (thinking about it all the time) or with attitudes (drastically changing anything, impulsively). It WILL generate enourmous ammounts of unnecessary stress. Trust me on this: a reboot is not, necessarily, an extremely painful, hard process. It just takes dedication and the will to do it.

A complimentary advice to that would be: it is anything, but easy.
Taking that in mind, do your homework. You'll be fine, since everyone knows their own way around problems. Browsing the forums is a good start, but so could be any other. If you're absolutely unsure of where to start, the guy above me just posted a link and some words (edit: turns out that was you! and already making some progress, haha), and I can foward to you a PM I got from an older forum member, it is also helpful. One thing I would recomment though, regardless of your inclinations and the paths your choose to deal with your own reboot: read the Your Brain On Porn e-book. Myself, I bought it from the website real cheap, had it printed and been reading it ever since, since I prefer reading on actual paper. But regardless of what path you take, one thing is key: self-observance, reflexion, meditation, contemplation, experimenting.

To sum it up in one sentence: if you don't give up, you will make it.

25
Ages 20-29 / -
« on: April 05, 2015, 01:00:58 PM »
Colour Haze - Love
https://youtu.be/ygvHZkkc62g

I sit myself high upon a mountain top and I look far, far across the hills
I'm so loaded, man, so deep and full, with all the love and all that is real
We gotta cry out and reach out and turn our twisted minds
And feel the connection that is between you and all that is alive

To be with the smallest and biggest without fear and without pride
I went through the chappel of dangers a few hundred times
And I had to work so hard to keep my love and intuition
And not to loose my guts and not to loose my mind
I reach out, step foeward, I stumble and I fall
All my greed and longing wasn't for the real at all

So reach out, reach out, get a hand brothers and sisters
Grow on your kindness, love harmony and peace
Empty yourselves of everything, gain in loosing, thriving your freedom
I tried, but I'm sure you will

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