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Messages - PornNevermore

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Send me an e-mail at jayanthonywriting@gmail.com. I will see that you get a copy!

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IMPORTANT UPDATE! (See initial post)

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Just wanted to make an Update: my book is now available in paperback edition and the kindle version has been reduced in price. Again, I want to thank you guys for your support. It means more to me than you realize. 

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Porn Addiction / It's all about perspective
« on: March 12, 2015, 05:30:25 PM »
Before I decided to quit porn, I had normalized it. By normalize, I mean that I convinced myself that porn was real- real emotions, real orgasms, real pleasure.

Then I began putting things in perspective.

Porn is one of the most disingenuous things man has ever created. The people you are watching on your computer screen are having sex for money. Most of them aren't enjoying it; the "pleasure" you see in their faces, the moaning, and the body spasms are all fake. They are actors. There is no love or relationship to what they are doing. Stop convincing yourself that it is real or even remotely genuine.

Pornography is like being in a relationship with a prostitute. She's convinced you that she loves you, but the sex you have isn't genuine. She's just using you for your money. But it isn't money that porn steals away from you. No, it is much worse. Porn steals away every ounce of emotion in your mind. It sucks you dry of relationships and motivation. It eats away your happiness. If you don't decide to change, it leaves you beaten and bruised on the side of the road and then you ask yourself

"Why?"

Was it worth it? Those ten second feelings of ecstasy? The brief moment of relief which quickly turns to shame and guilt, pressing you down into an abyss of depression and anger?

It isn't worth it guys. Put porn in perspective. It's nothing but a bully.

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Porn Addiction / Re: REWIRED Documentary - Crowdfunding now online!
« on: March 12, 2015, 01:35:29 AM »
Looks like a fantastic project. Hope you guys reach your funding goal!

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Porn Addiction / Re: Improvements when practicing sports?
« on: March 10, 2015, 10:41:57 PM »
It depends on the person, but abstaining from PMO usually results in higher confidence, more energy, and motivation. So to answer your question, yes it would. It may not be immediate, but it will definitely help.

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"Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time."

And so I urge you, keep going.

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If you're having actual sexual encounters, I'd say there's no problem; as long as you aren't thinking about porn when you are with your girlfriend.

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Although I haven't experienced what you are going through, I'd argue that you are still headed in the right direction (thinking about actual women rather than pornography. Just be sure those thoughts don't evolve into something you become dependent on. 

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Noticed no one has replied to you yet. Feel free to PM me if you need someone to talk to.

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Face them head on. Don't ignore them. Let them run their course.

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Porn Addiction / Re: Eye Exercises
« on: March 08, 2015, 02:03:06 PM »
Not sure who originally mentioned it, but I found this: http://www.wikihow.com/Exercise-Your-Eyes

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Porn Addiction / Re: Understand that you aren't alone
« on: March 08, 2015, 10:17:56 AM »
Yea, not sure what you mean. I thought you were referring to the number I chose. I suppose I should have said THOUSANDS because that's a little more accurate :)

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Porn Addiction / Understand that you aren't alone
« on: March 07, 2015, 10:47:09 PM »
This is something that has been on my heart lately. Even with a fantastic community like Reboot Nation, I think a lot of us get lost in a place of mental isolation; stranded in a place which wants us to believe that we are attempting to break this addiction on our own. That idea couldn't be further from the truth. This week, when you face temptation, understand that there are HUNDREDS of people rooting for you- myself included. You aren't going at this alone. You have a whole army of individuals who've got your back and want to see you succeed.

If you are reading this right now, just keep going. Don't let porn whisper in your ear that "you're all alone." It's just a big fat lie; one which a lot of us seem to fall for. Just ignore it, or even better yet, give it a nice punch in the nose and tell it

"No. I'm not alone."

Because that is the truth. 

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In my opinion, masturbation is a catalyst for watching porn and vise-versa. If I were you, I would continue to abstain.

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Porn Addiction / Re: Trying to reboot with no support
« on: March 01, 2015, 11:30:32 PM »
The link is actually in my signature! There are also paperback copies available if you don't have a kindle. 

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Hey Gabe, I'm sure you are familiar with /r/NoFap on Reddit, but if you aren't, you should message the mods and ask if you can make a post about this on their forum/website.

Reddit link: https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/

Forum link: http://www.nofap.com/forum/forum.php

They have a bit of a problem with people advertising their own work, so you should probably ask before posting anything. Good luck!

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Porn Addiction / Re: Trying to reboot with no support
« on: March 01, 2015, 06:44:54 PM »
I didn't have too much support either, but the thing is, i never actively tried to seek help until three weeks into my abstaining from porn. I'm a pretty shy person; not very sociable either, so I sort of pushed the idea of seeking help out of my mind. Soon enough, I realized that I needed someone to talk to. So I found a friend who eventually became my accountability partner and emotional support.

I actually wrote a whole chapter about this in my book. Here it is:

I hesitated to seek help this week. A few days ago I found myself faltering a bit more than usual, but I told myself I was going to mend my problems on my own. In the back of my mind I knew that having a discussion with another person would help immensely. I also knew it would mean opening up to them. I’ve always been more of a keep-to-yourself kind of guy, so the thought of that absolutely terrified me. I made the decision three days ago to at least find someone that I could fall back on, so I contacted a close friend of mine. We had talked about pornography addiction before, but it was in a tongue-in-cheek sort of manner. Deep down I think we both knew we were struggling. I shot him a text Saturday night vaguely explaining my situation and a few minutes later he responded, insisting that we meet somewhere to talk. Cut to Sunday evening. He arrives at my place around 7:30 and we have an intense, honest conversation for the next couple hours outlining both of our struggles, stories, and goals. By the end of the night we both agreed to support each other if we needed help.
 
I learned two things that evening. I first learned the importance of talking about your situation with another person. An intense light is shed on the reality of your addiction when you verbalize it and hear feedback from another individual- even if that person themselves is not addicted to pornography. The second thing I learned is the importance of having an accountability partner. I sleep easier at night knowing I have someone to run to in a time of desperation, especially since I’ve been struggling more than usual this week. Having others to share your thoughts and problems with is incredibly important when it comes to mental placidity and motivational affirmations.

Finding an Accountability Partner: I’ll admit it: I’m a very lucky person to have had such a close and understanding friend to talk to this week. I know there are others who may not have this luxury available to them; maybe you are one of these people, but I insist that you continue trying to find someone. Start with your friends. Even the most unexpected person you know may be dealing with the same problem as you. Even if they aren’t, there is still a chance that they will be willing to listen and/or support you. If you can’t find a friend, try a family member instead. This may be a bit harder to bring yourself to do considering the nature of the addiction, but it’s worth a shot; especially if you are close to one of your relatives. If you’ve exhausted your options, there is no shame in trying to find an accountability partner you don’t personally know, which brings me to my second point.

Finding an AP Online: The internet used to be your worst enemy, but now it’s time to utilize it for your own benefit. I think one thing we tend to overlook about the internet is its sheer vastness. Not only that, but the fact that there are literally billions of real people who are actively contributing to it every second of the day. Of those billions, there is always going to be someone who is willing to help you- you just need to know where to find them.

Forums are a fantastic place to start considering that they are user based. Because of this, there is unlimited opportunity to ask questions, receive feedback, and respond to others with your own advice. After skimming through quite a few pornography addiction-related forums I decided it would be best to compile a list of the ones that have larger and more active communities.

1.   Reboot Nation: This is an absolutely fantastic forum considering its popularity. Each post receives at least a couple hundred views and a majority of the replies from other users are very thorough, heartfelt, and encouraging. Reboot Nation also breaks up their forum by age and gender, so it’s very easy to find someone in your demographic to assist you in breaking your addiction. Join today, message some people in your age group, and I guarantee you will find an accountability partner by the end of the week.   

2.   Your Brain Rebalanced: This forum is very similar to Reboot Nation in terms of popularity and layout, but one thing that sets it apart is the “Groups & Meetups” section it offers. At this moment, the second post on that section refers specifically to finding an AP. It also allows you to create a post naming your location to see if there are others in your general area dealing with porn addiction. There are many people willing to skype, call, or text you in a time of desperation. All you need to do is ask. There are hundreds of people here who are able to help you at a moment’s notice.

3.   Porn Addiction Info: This one isn’t as popular as the previous two, but I believe is definitely a tighter knit community. If you are looking for genuine one-on-one time with another person, I highly recommend this forum. It’s also a goldmine for recovery plans, recovery tools, literature suggestions, and links to other websites. If you’re looking for solid content, this forum is where you will find it.

4.   Daily Strength: This is actually a multi-forum website which deals with every facet of addiction imaginable. If you decide to visit this site, click the “Support Groups” tab which will lead you to a list of topics. Search for “Sex/Addiction to Pornography” if you wish to use it for that reason. I highly suggest this website if you are also looking for general support for other things like depression and substance abuse. It may not provide you with a sense of community like the other forums do, but it is still a fantastically helpful website.

5.   Reddit: Believe it or not, this website isn’t just for cat pictures and ridiculous stories. It can actually be a very helpful resource for porn addicts as well. If you’ve been a member of Reddit for a while you’ve probably heard of, or even visited the /r/NoFap subreddit. NoFap® is essentially a group of likeminded people whose goal is to abstain from masturbation and pornography for as long as possible. This is a great place to share your story, read about other’s journeys, and seek advice. There is also a link on the sidebar for the sole purpose of finding an accountability partner. NoFap itself was actually a major influence for the creation of this book, so I’d like to say thank you to both the moderators and the users. I also suggest checking out /r/pornfree as well. Although it isn’t as big as /r/Nofap, the content is essentially the same and it isn’t hard to find someone to talk to there.

Finding Help/Advice through Non-Forum Websites: Just because a website isn’t user based doesn’t mean it won’t be beneficial to you. In fact, direct advice which has been curated for the sole purpose of helping porn addicts can sometimes be better than an individual person’s input. Again, I believe we sometimes forget that there are real people behind these websites which have most likely dealt with the same problems we are going through. Here is another list of websites which I found to be most comprehensive and helpful to me since breaking my addiction.

1.   Fight the New Drug: This website is just neat. I can’t really think of any other word to describe it. On their ‘about’ section they state that, “We’re a group of passionate and determined creative problem-solvers who want to make a difference. Our mission is to raise awareness on the harmful effects of pornography.” The three things they focus on the most is how pornography affects the brain, relationships, and society. I wouldn’t consider them “anti-pornography” in the sense that they aren’t judging people or spewing hatred onto the industry. They exist simply to educate, and if you are looking for the facts, you will find them here. They also offer a free video-based recovery program called “Fortify” which seems to be relatively popular among teens and young adults struggling with porn addiction. They offer a few other resources as well, so I highly suggest checking them out at least once. Believe me, there is a reason they have nearly half a million likes on Facebook.

2.   Feed the Right Wolf: FTRW is all about recovery. Their homepage alone immediately offers a free PDF for their tailored recovery course- all you need is an E-mail address. You’ll also notice a tab called “Coaching” near the top which will lead you to a page full of people whose job it is to talk to others who are struggling with pornography addiction. There are even phone numbers you can call for immediate help. Their blog is also very interesting and definitely worth reading in your free-time. It provides general insight to pornography addiction, but in a very unique approach. Also, if you find that this site is helpful, be sure to share it with others and actively participate with them. It isn’t a very big website and I believe they deserve a little more recognition for the work they do.

3.   XXXchurch.com: I’d consider this website to be sort of an amalgamation of the two previously listed. This site is essentially a blog, recovery program, and educating tool all rolled into one. In order to gain a full understanding about their mission statement, it’s best to just visit the site yourself. I’d write about it in detail, but I’m worried I will short-change them. Very comprehensive site. Very helpful; and they even provide help to men and women looking to escape the porn industry itself. Highly suggested.

4.   The Art of Manliness: If you’ve never visited this blog, be sure to check it out sometime this week. You won’t be disappointed. Its sole purpose is to provide tips, tricks, advice, and skill building exercises for becoming a better man. Not only that, but if you type “porn” in the search bar there are a few different posts you will find such as “Men and Porn: an Introduction.” These are fantastic reads and I highly recommend them. Don’t stop there though. Browse through the categories and pick out a few topics that are of interest to you. Not only will you be entertained, but you’ll become a manlier man in minutes.

AP Etiquette: If you find someone who is willing and able to help you, be sure to accept their help. Don’t ignore them if they feel the need to say something to you. Also, don’t forget to reciprocate advice and support. If you stumble upon and article that gave good advice, send it to your partner. If you haven’t heard from them in a while, send them motivational texts and E-mails. Be sure to change their lives just as much as they are changing yours. Reach out and grab their hand when they appear to be falling down.

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Hope this gives you some insight. Obviously you have already found Reboot Nation, but consider finding a member to talk about your issues with and let them give you some motivational support. If you'd like, I can be that person. Just PM me.

Have a good day! -Jay


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Porn Addiction / Re: The hardest struggle of my life
« on: March 01, 2015, 06:33:28 PM »
"Need to get out more, but don`t really know what to engage in." Make that the thing that you engage in. Spend time trying to find your interests. Weekends were hard for me as well, and I just decided to spend them outside, in public, trying to get a feel for what my interests were. Hope this helps!

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In my experience, I've found that simply occupying my mind with something else for 10-15 minutes works wonders. Just wanted to know what others think!

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Porn Addiction / Re: Word seems to be getting out. check out this link.
« on: February 28, 2015, 09:57:20 PM »
Saw that! It's nice to see a popular celeb shoot down porn like that. He's definitely making a difference for communities like these by exposing the truth behind pornography. 

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Teens / Re: G.M.S.T
« on: February 28, 2015, 09:55:39 PM »
You're on the right track, man. Just keep at it. If you ever need help be sure to make a post on the main Porn Addiction page. We'll be here in your time of need.

Here's to a new life. Cheers. -Jay

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Teens / Re: My journey starts here.
« on: February 28, 2015, 08:10:49 PM »
17 years old. Damn, how I wish I had quit this addiction at your age. As someone who has just turned 21, STICK WITH IT. You're gonna do an awesome job, I can tell from your attitude.

If you want some advice, shoot me an e-mail at jayanthonywriting@gmail.com and I'll send you a free copy of my book.

Heres to a new life man. -Jay

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