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Messages - ntg

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Ages 30-39 / Re: 36 yrs old, been dealing with porn for 20+ yrs
« on: April 26, 2015, 05:43:34 PM »
Well guys, I feel it's time for me to move on from this forum.  I have absolutely no desire to watch porn any longer, it's not even a temptation.  I experience rock hard erections whenever a woman so much as looks at me in a seductive way, not to mention when we touch, I'm taking control of my life, becoming a lot more demanding of others to be honest with me, and not bullshit around. In short, I have made the transition from being a passive victim to an active creator of my own life.

I still have areas that I want to work on, and am working on them, I don't think this ever really stops for us, or at least it shouldn't.  I don't really identify with half of what I read on here anymore, so I know it's time to move on, and let fellow rebooters help each other out, as I and others did when we were first starting out.

I would like to leave a few tips, kind of like a last gift to anyone who might read this thread in the future:

1. Realize that porn is 99% of the time a symptom and not a cause; meaning that if you're addicted to porn, it's probably because you're using it to replace something that you're not dealing with consciously or unconsciously.  During your reboot this WILL surface, so prepare yourself for some emotional roller coasters.

2.  The best cure for PMO, PIED, etc is to forget about them by doing something else.  Come on here and post your successes, ask questions, help others out who are also in the process, but don't make this process your life - this is a means to an end, not the end itself.  Make life the end goal, get some real tangible life goals and start chasing them.

3.  Post on other peoples' journals, not just your own.  This is a big one; if you want support from others, give it first.  Others will reciprocate, but you have to make the first move.

4.  Learn to distinguish between masturbation while picturing porn images and/or PMO with masturbation that is done because you are just plain horny.  The first type is the kind that will make you relapse over and over again, because you're feeding that dopamine pathway; the second type, although not ideal, will not cause you to relapse to porn.  Remember, the culprit is porn, not masturbation, otherwise you would be saying essentially that you want this process to make you celibate.  If you are open to being with a partner and having sexual relations, then it's ok (in my opinion) to do this on your own if you don't have a partner and are not using it as a means to run away from something or to feel better about something.

5.  Work on becoming more physically active; the more you stay away from porn, you'll notice a huge jump in your energy; it's not just because you're not looking at porn and wasting your day, it's something more...I don't know what it is, but you will suddenly find yourself with a lot more energy and life force inside of you, and you're going to need a way to safely use it constructively.

6.  Embrace the point where you begin to see the opposite sex as whole, and not just porn stars in real life kind of thing.  This switch really was profound for me, and I found myself desiring relationships, and not just sex any longer. 

7.  Avoid the traps your mind will play on you, such as just looking at porn for education purposes, or looking at porn substitutes, because it's not really porn....a good rule of thumb is this:  if it excites you, and it involves another person, and that other person is not there with you, then it needs to go, because this is a dopamine addiction, not simply a porn addiction, so whatever you get pleasure from and it's virtual, it will screw up your ability to partake in that activity in real life as a result, because you'll be wired for virtuality, not physicality.

8.  Don't quit one addiction, just to pick up another one; don't stay away from PMO by playing video games endlessly or watching tv all the time to qwell the desires; face what is coming up to the surface - that's the only way you will get rid of it.  Anytime you use ANYTHING to make life easier than just dealing with things, you're putting that thing in the seat of an addiction in your life, so be careful and check your motives.

Best of luck to everyone here.  I made a lot of good friends here, and made some enemies too, but it's all good, we're just all doing the best we know how to do, and I have no hard feelings towards anyone, and wish you all the best.


Ages 30-39 / Re: 36 yrs old, been dealing with porn for 20+ yrs
« on: April 16, 2015, 05:21:19 PM »
Day 28

Thanks CG, I have been doing really well.  Been working out about 4-5 times per week, really working on getting my finances back under control, and have begun socializing again.  The self hypnosis stuff really works well, I notice myself making changes automatically at this point, and feel totally different about things as compared to previous experiences.  Stay strong man, remember that you don't have to stay away from PMO for any certain number of days, but just for this moment.


Work is going really well, I'm being trained in management and it's a real mind shift, but something I'm more than capable of handling and which I think I'll be very good at.  Being busy is really helping me keep my mind off PMO and MO in general, although I do have a routine where I'll do kegels every day, then some jelquing, then some masturbation (without ejaculating) just to gain more control over my ejaculations, so that I can last longer.  Not doing this for women, but because it's something that I want to have, the ability to be a better partner; I'm all about self improvement and to me, this is just another expression of that.

I've found a way to do these things and not have urges for PMO, so this is fantastic to me.

All other things are going well.  Had a meeting with the lawyer today, and the divorce, custody, post-nup, etc. are nearly finalized and done with.  Will be so nice not having to deal with this shit any longer.

Ages 30-39 / Re: 36 yrs old, been dealing with porn for 20+ yrs
« on: April 08, 2015, 02:50:16 PM »
Thanks Pat, you too bro.

Hey Shakrai,

Unfortunately, lyon3 decided to move on from the forums about a week ago, felt it was consuming too much of his time, and was becoming an addiction itself for him.

I have some perspective on what you're asking though.  I think what you're describing is what everyone realizes about 20-30 days into this thing...this is NOT just about porn - it's about life.  We've all used porn to run away from life is the ugly truth we must eventually face, and when we stop doing that, our lives become more full, alive, and passionate, and we have the experience of seeing our true selves I think as well.  Don't despair if you only get a glimpse of yours at first; just persist, and he will show up more & more frequently.  Your brain is going through an entire re-wiring process, so just easy does it, and have patience it's all working out, and it will.

Hope this helps.

Ages 30-39 / Re: 36 yrs old, been dealing with porn for 20+ yrs
« on: April 07, 2015, 07:49:14 PM »
Day 19 already, where does the time go??

Things are going well, divorce & custody are nearly finalized, my training as a manager is going great, really like the guy and the employees I've been paired with, making some friends, and working on improving myself.

Time with my daughter is really becoming more & more important as she gets older, I am so happy I made the decision to stay here and find a way to make it work so that I could have 1/2 custody of her.

Life is super busy; working 48+ hrs per week for management training, have my daughter for 3.5 days per week, covering shifts for others at work when needed, studying for owning my own store, working on my business a little bit at a time still as well.

Goals for me are: be a great dad to my daughter - teach her how to be prepared for life and show her I love her & accept her unconditionally; be the best management trainee around (so far I'm living up to this); continue to workout 4 times per week; kegels & pe exercises also 4 times per week, start dating again (it's been a year since the separation originally; been single for a year now, and I feel it's time); Continue to work on my issues using self-hypnosis.

Goals I've reached so far: Curling 65 lbs roughly now, only 25 more to go to be back to where I was years ago; Running for 2 miles straight now, splitting it up between uphills, faster jogs, and slower jogs; I have 50% custody of my daughter; I have a job with a real future in it; feel I've increased the quality of my life using self hypnosis for a while now - going to start with concrete objectives starting tonight.

Overall, great progress I'd say.  My finances are still in disarray, but a few paychecks will help put them into perspective.

Women / Re: Girl Porn
« on: April 07, 2015, 07:36:09 PM »
Once again, I don't have a lot of time, so I'm going to just make this short and sweet.

I really get excited when I think of you you're going to be when this part of your life is complete, and what you're going to be able to do with all the strength you are going to inherit as a result of it literally gives me goose bumps all over.

All I've got to say, is that I think your last post is showing that you are becoming this person.  I am really excited to see this; this is the same exact reaction I had to porn as a whole as well when I discovered everything that you are talking about as well.

And I'll say one more thing too.

@ntg- Part of my perspective is my age. I'm 30- I want to have a kid before I'm 35 or my risks go through the roof. Not that adoption isn't completely on the table but brother, I ain't got time to hold out for Mr. Perfect to waltz through the door. And I'm in AU, so that's all very messy stuff. I've got three years here then I'm going back to the States- where I want to pop one out (or hopefully pay someone to pop mine out) pretty immediately. You can see that it's not always as simple as waiting it out.  You know, my good friend told me to quit babying my SO too. She said that sometimes people need to fall flat on their face. I've certainly been giving him more emotional responsibility lately but that seems easier now, since I've had to face my own demons- I find it easier to discuss things with him (since I'm not running away to P).

I got married originally based upon was the WORST decision of my entire life.  I speak from experience when I tell you this:  do not base love decisions on logic ALONE; yes, use logic, that is very necessary, but do not use logic and only logic and reason and convince yourself of things, because they are logical conclusions...this is the absolute wrong path to go in the matters of love.

I know you're feeling rushed, but the more effort you put into it, the more you try, the more it will all evade you.  Learn how to relax through meditation.  Learn how to rely upon the subconscious mind more than the conscious; the conscious makes decisions - it is logical; the subconscious does the actions, it is not logical, yet very powerful.  A book I'll recommend is Psycho-Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz, very good book on this whole subject, and a good start for you on this path, should you choose to take my advice.

As always sister, very proud of you, and I know you'll be just fine, even if you don't know it yourself yet.

Ages 30-39 / Re: 36 yrs old, been dealing with porn for 20+ yrs
« on: April 03, 2015, 06:20:28 PM »
To be honest with ya man, I think we never feel ready or prepared to handle life....I know I don't.  Stuff just gets thrown at me, and I give myself no other options but to find a way to make it all work, and then I just start.  A lot of the time, I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing and sometimes even ask myself, "look what you're into, you're way over your head" - but then I remember that in the gym, my muscles don't grow unless I put something on them that is MORE than they can handle presently, and then they adapt to that increased resistance, and are able to handle that and more.

We're the same way; growth hurts, growth is painful; growth is uncertain; growth is risky - but it's the only way to get better.  Become better at calming yourself down when you feel you're past what you can handle is my advice.  This is what I've worked on and it's worked wonders for me.

Ages 30-39 / Re: 36 yrs old, been dealing with porn for 20+ yrs
« on: April 02, 2015, 05:09:07 PM »
Day 14:

A few days back, I just felt like throwing in the towel, but I persisted, and it's like something just broke.  My gym workouts are going really good, I'm getting a lot of my old strength & size back, and I'm starting to get in the best shape of my entire life.  My job is going great, I'm being trained as a manager, when I have just a little bit of management experience.  My divorce is looking up, the ex is not pushing for child support any longer, and we've amicably agreed on 50/50 custody.  finances still are shitty, but I'm trying to work a plan to fix them.

I look at where I was just 2 months ago, and wonder how all these things seemed to fix themselves, almost with little to no work or effort on my part; all I did was persisted and remained strong & committed to what I wanted, and refused to give in for anything less, and it is really paying off.

This inner strength I feel in myself is priceless to me; it's like I have no fear really at all.  I mean, I do have fear, but at the same time, if I were to be placed in a situation I'd be afraid of, I know I'd somehow handle it too.  I would not trade this inner conviction of belief in myself for all the money in the world.  I think this is only realized when we are pushed past our limits of what we conceive we are capable of achieving, and all of a sudden, there are no more limits we put on ourselves.

Now, I need to find a way of tapping this strength in my day-to-day life; it's there, and I can use it, but I have to consciously decide to, and I want to make it automatic.  I'll be working on this.

Women are going a little slow, not a lot of time to go out.  I'll be working on this too.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Patrick's Journal: A gay guy's imperfect reboot
« on: April 02, 2015, 04:55:01 PM »
Yeah Patrick,  good advice here man, just learn what triggered you, think of a way to circumvent it next time, as it WILL come up again, then when it happens, just nod your head and say to yourself, no big deal, I was wondering when you'd come around again, and do what you've planned on doing.  Work your plan, and plan your work.  Stay strong and carry on.

Ages 30-39 / Re: 36 yrs old, been dealing with porn for 20+ yrs
« on: March 29, 2015, 10:07:56 PM »
Day 10

I've been having a very difficult time keeping up with my self-hypnosis stuff & exercising while I have my daughter.  Add to this the fact that I'll be starting a full time job tomorrow, and things are going to change drastically in my life yet again, but it will be a great feeling knowing that I'm working & making money again. 

The self hypnosis stuff is really paying off a lot, have noticed some very positive effects, namely that I feel less internal conflict.  When I say I want to do something, it feels like my whole self is behind it, instead of having to convince myself that I will do it, and motivate myself to take action by using other methods.  Will continue to post here and update.

As far as the reboot goes, been having a lot of sexual cravings as of late, but more than anything else, it's just from wanting to f*ck, which is a little difficult as I have my daughter so much now, so I'm going to try doing some daygame stuff more, and see if I can make some progress that way, while I have her.  Truth be told, daygame with an adorable child is actually harder, not easier, because of the distractions.

Stay strong & carry on.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Moving with this.
« on: March 29, 2015, 10:01:33 PM »
You're welcome man, and thanks too for the well wishes.

I think visualization definitely helps, it helps to retrain the mind, but I think visualization + acting as if is even more powerful.  Like if you pretend you already are the guy you're visualizing yourself to be, you'll see changes much quicker, imo.  I think the two together are very powerful and can help us change pesky habits.

Ages 30-39 / Re: My Story
« on: March 29, 2015, 09:58:35 PM »
Good job man, you're getting some clear goals, and that is the best way to improve daily with conquering this habit.  I would agree, that having a conversation is more difficult than just gaming a girl, because it requires you to share yourself, instead of just telling her what she wants to hear.  But in the end, you'll find it's a hell of a lot more satisfying to have a girl sleep with you because she likes you than just because you've made her horny.  Keep going man, you'll notice a lot of shifts as you enter weeks 5 & 6.

Ages 30-39 / Re: 36 yrs old, been dealing with porn for 20+ yrs
« on: March 28, 2015, 08:30:58 PM »
Hey Goph,

Yeah man, it's definitely much easier when you don't have really intense conflicts going on, but unfortunately, you can't depend upon that.  So, what I try to do is to change my focus from those conflicts to my goals instead, and then I can be more comfortable with them.

But yeah, it's really great we're talking again, because we're saving money and time and doing what is best for our daughter.  There are some really hurt emotions on both sides, so it's a really good thing we have the opportunity to be cordial in order to do what is best for our daughter.

Best of luck to you too man.

Ages 30-39 / Re: My Story
« on: March 27, 2015, 08:44:49 PM »
I can relate, you'll start viewing women as more than just a lay, as you progress further on in your reboot.  I was in this same sort of situation, only with going to clubs/bars.  But in all reality, they really won't remember you after a month or so, as they get hit on so much, and have relations with lots of guys if they are attractive.  So, I wouldn't worry about it too much, but just focus on getting some life goals and you'll gradually see this shift I'm talking about.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Moving with this.
« on: March 27, 2015, 08:33:22 PM »
Welcome back, dog_hole/Fox walking

I think you're on the right track man, trying to tackle whatever it is that drives us to want to use P to self-soothe or MO to release pressure without having intimate relations is what this whole thing is about, in my opinion.  It's all about becoming healthier, not just avoiding PMO for a certain number of days.

Just get back on the horse, think about what made you trigger, write it down, and keep trucking.  Always be moving forward, even if you're just crawling sometimes.

Ages 30-39 / Re: 36 yrs old, been dealing with porn for 20+ yrs
« on: March 27, 2015, 08:18:05 PM »
So, I'm at 8 days again today.

Changing my approach a little bit, from last time, after reading through my prev. logs on here, and knowing what I know now.

I'm not cutting out online chatting, as it's a release for me, while having my daughter, and I can't really do much, unless we actually can go out and do a fun thing like the park or something, just using it as another way to get interaction, but not letting it get out of hand either, keeping it strictly friends basis and setting time limits for myself, so I'm sure not to run away from life with it.

I'm working out hard still, making some really good gains.  Have approached a few women at the gym, no number closes yet, it's a tough place to get numbers from.

I'm still doing my kegels & jelques; I know a lot of guys on here recommended I not focus on my c*ck, but it helps me to feel I'm ready for action if I meet a girl I do want to get physical with.  I'm not using it as a way of running from anything, but if we're genuinely attracted to each other, it's fair game in my mind.

I feel a lot wiser this time around, knowing my triggers before they occur, and this really helps me stay away from compromising situations.  I've not MO'd at all since the reset day, and I'm trying to keep this going, but it's getting very difficult as my urges are not for porn, but for real women, and I'm having a very difficult time getting out and meeting them as I have my daughter 3.5 days per week now, which falls over the weekends.

I'm going to get into a lot more day game, and may even start taking my daughter out gaming with me (sly smile), women love kids.

I feel really hopeful overall.

My ex and I are talking again; she cancelled the child support order; I have a new job; I have 3 more interviews I'm going to be going on as well, for PT stuff; driving for uber to make some extra cash; I've become a hell of a lot more creative and adaptable from going through all the hard times I've gone through over the past couple of months, and it's made me really strong.

I'm also working through some self-hypnosis stuff, will keep you guys updated on if it helps wth cravings or on conquering sticking points in my life.

Everyone stay strong and carry on.

« on: March 26, 2015, 12:38:13 PM »
Best of luck to you bro.  You've helped a whole lot of people on here, myself included, so know that as you venture onwards towards life.  Maybe one day when you feel more capable of handing the virtual things of life, and they are not an addiction, you can come back and give insights to people; if not that's cool too, we're all on a journey and we all have to do what we feel is best on it.  Best of luck, again, to you man.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Life is beautiful
« on: March 23, 2015, 01:28:17 PM »
Awesome insight man.  People can tell when someone is speaking in order to try to impress others.  When someone is trying to impress others, they are subconsciously admitting that they see the others as more important than they are themselves, because they need their validation & acceptace in order to feel good about themselves.

Good job man, you're doing really awesome.  Making little distinctions like this can literally change your entire life, because it puts you in a whole different direction, and attracting much different people and circumstances.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Tougher than expected
« on: March 23, 2015, 01:17:04 PM »

 While in the middle of this something incredible happened. I had a woman come up and start hitting on me. I gotta tell you this was incredible, the surge of confidence I got. Being curious where this could go I did flirt back with this gal and we spent an hour at the bar talking. I explained that I am starting relationship with a gal back home but this didn't seem to deter her away. So as the night went on she made it clear she wanted me to take her back to my place and I obliged but was clear from the start sex was off the table. She acted fine with this and I took her to my bed.

A lot of people, myself included have noticed a huge difference in the way women respond to you, when you are about 10-20 days into your reboot.  I really don't know why this is, but enough people have confirmed it that I think it's proven, but we just don't absolutely know why it happens.

Congrats on the nice time with the girl; be careful not to use sex as a way to just stay away from P.  The rewiring process will gradually shift your focus from seeing women as tits & ass, back to a whole human being, and I think introducing sex into it too quickly can mess up that process if you're not careful.

Also, I'm confused as to why you had sex with her, since you told her at the beginning that you didn't want to?  Not judging, just curious as to why you did not stick to what you told her in the beginning.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Patrick's Journal: A gay guy's imperfect reboot
« on: March 20, 2015, 08:16:47 PM »
Patrick, didn't mean to hijack your thread here man, I hope you're doing good bro. 

Ages 40 and up / Re: Patrick's Journal: A gay guy's imperfect reboot
« on: March 20, 2015, 08:16:00 PM »
Yeah, it's not so much about being a bad boy per se as much as it is about putting your own interests, goals, desires first, and then fitting her into those, not throwing them out for her, if that makes sense.  This kind of behavior is labeled as "bad" because it is opposite of what most guys do, and society frowns upon it, because the guy is supposed to cater to the girl (ie: wine & dine her).

Ages 30-39 / Re: Tougher than expected
« on: March 20, 2015, 03:49:04 PM »
You should edit that and put some blank lines in there every so often so it's easier to read.  Good rule of thumb is make it like a class paper, anytime a subject changes, put in a blank line so it breaks it up quite a bit and is easier on the eyes.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Life is beautiful
« on: March 19, 2015, 08:59:26 PM »
Don't take this the wrong way, but I'm really glad to see you're not spending as much time on here man.  I'm glad to see you shifting your focus onto life itself, not onto the forums.  Your advice is fantastic, but focus first on your own life, then come back here and give what's left, not the other way around.  Peace man!

Ages 30-39 / Re: My Journey (need some advise)
« on: March 19, 2015, 08:56:33 PM »
If you can man, pickup a book called "The Multi-Orgasmic Man" you can get a pdf of it online, just google it.  There is a section in there on controlling your breath and thus moving energies around in your body.  That has been invaluable to me in this process, may also help you too.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Tougher than expected
« on: March 19, 2015, 01:40:09 PM »
Glad you found the post helpful man :)  I remember when I first started, I was in a bit of a haze, from deciding I was committing to no P for as long as I could, and things just seemed weird.  The first week is a little awkward, after that, you'll notice a surge of energy, and lots of cravings.  There's a process involved, just look on this forum for the steps involved.  Usually, each stage lasts a different length of time for each person, and sometimes they go out of order, but usually we all go through the stages.

One thing that's really helpful though, is to just start focusing on other things besides what stage you're in, how many days you've gone, etc.  Get a goal you're going to shoot for, and put all your concentration and effort on it.

Stay strong man.

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