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Messages - lyon03

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1
Ages 40 and up / Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« on: November 01, 2019, 06:23:34 AM »
3+ weeks porn-free! Great job my friend. Keep coming back and sharing your journey. For every person posting here, I reckon there are dozens quietly following our journeys. Take care.

2
Ages 40 and up / Re: Ending an Insidious Addiction
« on: November 01, 2019, 06:22:34 AM »
Hey Chicago. Just a shout out to wish you the very best on your recovery journey. I also wanted to thank you for so actively encouraging others through posts on their threads. Be well my friend. Love Lyon.

3
Happy 71st birthday my friend. You're an inspiration and an example that recovery (and a porn-free life) can start at any age. I'd encourage you to keep posting and encouraging others. Love Lyon.

4
Ages 40 and up / Re: Jixu's Journal
« on: November 01, 2019, 06:19:40 AM »
Congrats on 3 days brother. Keep coming back!

5
Ages 40 and up / Re: Patrick's Journal: A gay guy's imperfect reboot
« on: November 01, 2019, 06:19:09 AM »
Hey Patrick. Glad to see that you're still on the boards my friend. Keep coming back. Thinking of you brother. Love Lyon.

6
Ages 40 and up / Re: still going strong/still no career
« on: November 01, 2019, 06:18:12 AM »
Hi Olaf! Congratulations on going porn-free my friend. It sounds like you're on the right track brother. Thinking of you and your family. Love Lyon. 

7
Ages 40 and up / Re: quit for good
« on: November 01, 2019, 06:16:42 AM »
Thanks for sharing Joe! I agree that there is no one path to recovery. For me personally, after years of struggling, what worked for me was stopping porn completely...forever. I'd tried the gradual or "lite beer" approach and it never worked for me. By "lite beer" I'm referring to an alcoholic who drinks mostly whiskey switching to lite beer and then calling it a victory. Unfortunately, it's still the same thing: alcohol = drunk = addiction. With my porn addiction, I was the worst judge of what was acceptable or not so I stopped looking at porn and porn-lite images (some also cut out erotic literature). Reading "Your Brain on Porn" was a great tool that helped me understand my dopamine addiction. Good luck with your journey brother.

8
Thanks for sharing brother and good luck with your journey. Keep coming back.

9
Ages 40 and up / Re: 5 YEARS PORN-FREE!
« on: November 01, 2019, 06:11:22 AM »
Thanks brother and congratulations on 3 years porn-free. I'd encourage you and others to keep sharing, posting, and (most importantly) encouraging others. This community and its kind members were a huge part of my recovery. And remember...porn is not an option.

10
Ages 40 and up / 5 YEARS PORN-FREE!
« on: October 28, 2019, 03:17:55 PM »
Bam! On Wednesday, I'll celebrate 5 f*cking years porn-free. And I couldn't have done it without this forum and its wonderful members. I am beyond thankful. On an addiction scale of 10, I was easily a 12 before joining Reboot Nation. I'd spend hours every day fapping to internet porn, suffered from severe porn induced erectile dysfunction (PIED), and a whole host of other porn-related problems. Now five years later, I'm a different and much better man. One of the greatest things about recovery is being able to sleep again. For most of my life, I've been a black-belt insomniac and never once considered that it was caused in part by my porn addiction. These days I fall asleep almost once my head hits the pillow and it's bliss. I can't tell you how much happier I am without porn because I don't spend all day, every day with this porn-like "I'm ashamed of myself" stank like some creepy form of second-hand smoke. I no longer have to deal with the daily shame of seeing my post-orgasm reflection in the computer screen after I've fapped for hours to some of the worst filth imaginable. When I joined RN five years ago, I thankfully adopted a "porn is not an option" mentality. I'm not going to lie. It was damn hard to go porn-free, particularly for the first 100 days. (Feel free to read my posts where I detail: night shakes; head rushes; migraines; and terrible blue balls because I gave up compulsive masturbation as well.) But after a few months, things got much easier. What was truly difficult was dealing with the emotional damage that led me down the path of addiction. For that, I'm thankful to www.pornaddictsanonymous.org and the 12 steps. Now five years later, I'm happily divorced, completely out of the closet, self-employed, and renovating a house with my long-term boyfriend. We move in next month! I am so thankful to Gabe for creating this website/forum which truly saved my life. Without RN, I'd probably be dead in some ditch because I was so addicted to porn/sex that I'd often watch porn and surf gay hookup apps while driving. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. Love Lyon.   

11
Ages 40 and up / Re: Uk65tantra
« on: May 13, 2019, 02:30:18 PM »
Congrats on 2+ months porn-free! I'm rooting for you brother.

12
Ages 40 and up / Re: See them grow up
« on: May 13, 2019, 02:29:32 PM »
Great update my friend. Rooting for you!

13
Ages 40 and up / Re: my success
« on: May 13, 2019, 02:28:42 PM »
Hi Olaf. I celebrate your recovery my friend. We've traded barbs in the past so I wanted to apologize for being harsh. I'm thrilled you stopped the porn altogether...and reconnected with your wife. Congratulations my friend! Much love to you and your family. 

14
Ages 40 and up / Re: 4.5 YEARS PORN-FREE!
« on: May 13, 2019, 02:24:21 PM »
Hey friends! I just celebrated 4.5 years porn-free and I did it just like all of you: one day at a time. Life is so much better porn-free. Insomnia: gone. Limp d*ck: gone. Depression: gone. Anxiety: gone. Self-esteem: back. Love of life: back. Confidence (not arrogance): back. Happiness: back. Had I not stopped watching porn back on October 29, 2014, I know for a fact that I'd be a dead man right now. Why? Because I was such a screen addict that I often watched porn and sexted while driving. There is no secret to my recovery: hard 90 porn/masturbation free; posting here for the first year of recovery; encouraging others; and these days I continue to participate in weekly 12-step meetings for porn addiction (www.pornaddictsanonymous.org). For me, there was no quick fix to overcoming my addictions to porn, sex, and masturbation. It was a grind, particularly for the first year, but now 4.5 years later, it was so worth it. I wish you all the best with your own journeys. Love to all. 

15
Success Stories / FOUR YEARS PORN-FREE!
« on: October 28, 2018, 11:22:56 AM »
Hey friends! Tomorrow will be 4 years porn-free. Life is so much better without porn. Keep fighting the good fight. Want more information? Just read my threads.

16
Ages 40 and up / Re: Trying to get the feeling back
« on: October 28, 2018, 11:18:19 AM »
Thanks Larry! I remember that feeling like it was yesterday. Keep coming back my friend.

17
Ages 40 and up / Re: Yes I Can!
« on: October 28, 2018, 11:17:43 AM »
Thanks for sharing Bob! Just came back for a quick post and was happy to see you're still fighting. Be well my friend. Love Lyon.

18
Ages 40 and up / Re: 4 YEARS PORN-FREE!
« on: October 28, 2018, 11:16:46 AM »
Good day nation! Tomorrow will mark 4 years porn-free for me. Let's have a look at my very first forum post:

"Here is my story: 42 years old, first discovered porn/masturbation around age 12, went from magazines, to video, paid streaming porn, then free and highly addictive porn sites. What was a flirtation became a full-on obsession in 1994 and heroin-like addiction in 2005. I'm starting this journal on day 23 of my recovery with a goal of hitting 90 days initially before stopping forever. My addiction has now cost me: my career, my business, my marriage, and was well along to destroying my relationship with my three kids. On October 30th, I finally said "f*ck this". I've not watched porn since and never will do it again. I've started a reboot with no-fap and no television. I've also read pretty much everything I could about my addiction, namely it's harder to give up than meth. (Scary!) But there are temptations, particularly in the form of rock-hard erections at night and geyser-like pressure because I haven't had an orgasm in roughly two weeks. I'll post daily to keep motivated. Glad to have found this site and very happy to share with others."

I can't express how much better my life is without my addictions to porn and masturbation. So how did I get this far?

1. Set a goal: "Porn is not an option"
2. Joined www.pornaddictsanonymous.org and this forum.
3. For the first 100 days, posted daily.
4. Read everything I could about addiction and particularly porn addiction.
5. Made a point of reading other threads while also encouraging others.
6. Got back into shape.
7. Quickly realized that, for me personally, porn was just a coping mechanism. I had to change my whole way of thinking.
8. Worked hard to address a whole host of other issues (being closeted; toxic relationships; co-dependency; sex addiction etc).

Thanks for reading friends. This forum was a huge part of my recovery so I'd like to thank Gabe Deem and my fellow members. Keep fighting the good fight. Love Lyon.

19
Ages 40 and up / Re: Yes I Can!
« on: August 16, 2018, 10:05:26 PM »
Shout out Bob! Thinking of you my friend and hope you are well.

20
Ages 40 and up / Re: THREE YEARS NINE MONTHS PORN-FREE!
« on: August 16, 2018, 10:03:55 PM »
1387 days porn-free / 3 years 9 months 18 days porn-free: Hey nation! It's been a while between posts. In just 10 weeks, I'll reach the major milestone of 4 years porn-free. What started as a journey to have boners again has become so much more. Just a few days ago, I celebrated 6 years with my boyfriend. It's been quite the journey my friends. In addition to addressing my decades-long porn addiction, I have also: come out of the closet, separated, divorced, and found love again. I don't have a lot to share my friends other than that porn was simply the tip of the iceberg, the acting out if you will, 9/10ths of my problems remained under water. I'm not the same person I was when I started this journey. After a lifetime of shame and self-hatred, I've re-learned to love myself, am no longer angry all the time, sleep better than I ever have, and now connect with people almost instantly.  I'm 100% myself which is so much easier when I'm not carrying around the pervvy porn aura I had in the past. Living with the dual shame of being a closeted gay man AND porn/masturbation addict almost drove me to commit suicide. As one of my favourite books writes, "Suicide is a permanent solution to life's short-term problems." Amen to that. Life still has its challenges for sure, but I no longer turn to porn nor masturbation to cope with them. Speaking of masturbation, I probably wank about 5-6 times a year, compared to 1-2x daily during full-blown PMO addiction. Someone asked above:

1. Your erections no longer worked before quitting.

Correct.

2. Now your erection works every time you feel like being intimate and it stays?

Not always my friend, but that's life when you're 46 like me. Most of us start this process because we want puberty-level rock-hard erections...on command. Now 4 years later I understand this process was always about my brian, not about my junk. I'd suggest you read, "Your Brain on Porn" to better understand that what we have is a brain/dopamine addiciton, not limp d*ck obsession.

If you want to learn more about me and my journey, just read my thread! Be well friends. And remember: PORN IS NOT AN OPTION. 

21
Ages 40 and up / Re: What does it mean to FLATLINE?
« on: April 10, 2018, 01:26:33 AM »
Good day Jed. This link may help:

https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/porn-recovery-and-mysterious-flatline

I'm sorry this forum hasn't responded yet. I don't come here very often but I'm happy to answer your question:

"What does it mean to FLATLINE?"

My own flatline was a time of 'dead pool d*ck.' It happened around the two-week no PMO (porn, masturbation, orgasm) mark if I remember correctly. My dick shriveled up, I felt disoriented, and was in a constant two-beer-buzz state of mind. It's described in "Your Brain on Porn" by scientist Gary Wilson shared in a post:

"Nick: After a few days of brain tantrums (cravings), I went into a flatline for weeks. Basically I felt totally indifferent about girls, sex, everything. A little voice from the porn beast nagged at me in the back of my mind, but mostly, I just didn’t care. And my penis was very lifeless and small. It was like somebody just pulled the plug on whatever machine provides my sex drive. No libido at all. Aaron: (Age 22) I've noticed the 'dead penis' syndrome whenever I try to quit porn/masturbation. After about 4-5 days my libido is absolutely shot and my penis shrivels up to nothing. It's terrifying actually."

Bottom line: flatline is a necessary, yet painful, part of healing that is marked by low sex drive, a lifeless penis, and no erections. I hope that helps friend! PORN IS NOT AN OPTION. 

22
Ages 40 and up / Re: THREE YEARS PORN-FREE!
« on: April 10, 2018, 01:09:17 AM »
1257 days porn-free (3 years 5 months porn-free): Good day nation! It's been a while my friends. I'm just checking in with an update and to encourage any new members to keep fighting the good fight. I don't have a lot to share other than life is much better porn-free. Mine was a roughly 20-year porn habit that also morphed into sex and masturbation addictions as well. There was a time not too long ago when I couldn't go three minutes without looking for a porn hit. (I know because I timed it.) Read my thread if you'd like to follow my road to recovery. Here is how I made it to 3+ years porn-free:
 
1. Hard 90 (no porn nor masturbation)
2. Daily posts for the first 100 days
3. Read "Your Brain on Porn" (a lifesaver)
4. Joined www.pornaddictsanonymous.org (a member to this day)
5. Encouraged and connected with others
6. Lots of gym time, sleep, and otherwise healthy living

There is no one way to recover. Some see reboot in religious terms, others are atheists, gay, straight, vegan etc. We all have our own unique perspective. No one dances the same way and recovery means moving to our own music as well. But I will share this: attack your addiction from every possible angle and you'll eventually prevail. I came to this forum with a "porn is not an option" mentality that served me very well. It meant that from day 1, I was willing to do whatever it took to recover. I attended 12-step meetings, posted here 2-3 times a day, read countless books about addiction/recovery, and just b*ll-out bludgeoned my porn addiction to death.

If you're wondering what life is like addiction-free, trying watching a 50s-era black and white film on a grainy old TV then go see an IMAX movie. That's the difference. My addictions meant seeing the world in black and white. I saw everything and everyone through the smeared lens of sex. These days, I never tire of seeing things in pure colour again. It's taken me years to heal from my porn addiction and it was probably the hardest thing I've ever done. But I'm a better person for it. You'll get there friends!

Be well. PORN IS NOT AN OPTION.

23
Ages 40 and up / Re: Update on my pathetic humiliating life
« on: January 31, 2018, 05:43:21 AM »
Welcome back Olaf! Thank you for sharing so openly and honestly my friend. Here is your first post from November 2014:

1. Hello, I am 52, unemployed, 8 kids (some adopted) ages 25-11 years, several are special needs. Wife of 29 years of marriage who still looks slender and attractive.

2. I have quit porn many times...I feel no sinful guilt when viewing porn. It is wrong, but easily can be remedied through my wife's actions. But she has no idea how great things could be with us if she was there for me sexually.

And recently:

1. It was stupid but my grad school recommended law enforcement jobs. So at 55 and as a very fit guy, ok. The fitness workouts they offer for free on two days of the week was good for me and I did well. It ended in flames. Backgrounds, had to lie about me and that's what they did to get rid of me.

Question: What exactly happened?

2. Anyway, it all failed, no other job prospects, just a $12/hr night job. I cannot pay back my student loans with this job. Prayer has failed so many times over this last 8 years of unemployment and I have no other plans.

Bravo for finding work although I'm sorry it doesn't pay very well.

3. Depression prompted me into porn again. This time from Pinterest. So, I decided before things got really out of control, to delete Pinterest for awhile so my habits are retrained. So far so good.

Congratulations on choosing to live porn-free. Do you have a specific goal in mind this time round?

4. Sex with my wife has been...really boring so she doesn't help. So tiny pathetic job, sex is...so boring I have erectile problems and she is ignorant of the problem. I cannot say anything in the house without her rewording my own sentences, I get scolded by her and the kids including my adult children, will not take any advice from me. So the low self-esteem in me generated porn desires. In my depression, I see this and am not wanting to be enslaved again to porn viewing.

I'm sorry that you're suffering my friend but you're not alone. Question: are you now committed to a certain amount of time porn-free? Do you have a previous record you plan to beat?

You and I have exchanged messages/posts during our time here and I was often too critical/aggressive so I'd like to apologize for that. I just wanted to let you know that I'm rooting for you brother and look forward to your next update. Be well! Love lyon03.

24
Ages 40 and up / Re: THREE YEARS PORN-FREE!
« on: January 02, 2018, 08:32:40 PM »
Happy New Year friends! Hey SMS...great hearing from you brother. Congratulations on 4+ years porn-free. What an accomplishment. I'm now at 3 years and 2+ months porn-free, just another 10 months before celebrating 4 years porn-free. In the beginning, I counted my recovery in days, weeks, and then months. I never thought I'd be counting my freedom in years but here I am. I welcome all of the new members and encourage the long-term members to keep coming back. There is no secret to my recovery:

1. Doing the hard 90 (or 100 in my case)
2. Daily posts and encouraging others
3. Reading everything I could about porn addiction, addiction, self-esteem, self-improvement, etc.
4. Attacking my addictions to porn, sex, and masturbation from every angle until I prevailed.

To give you a snapshot of where I was, I was heavily addicted to dopamine [read up on it if you don't know the term] for about 15-20 years and masturbated to porn 1-2x daily for about the final ten years. There was a time when I couldn't go three whole minutes without a porn fix...I know because I timed it. Because of my screen/dopamine addiction, I suffered from depression, erectile dysfunction, anxiety, anger, and a whole host of other porn-related problems. Around Christmas 2013, I seriously contemplated suicide as my only way out. Had I not stopped watching porn and using hook up applications like Grindr (often while driving), I know I'd be a dead man. 

I joined this forum in November 2014 with a "porn is not an option" mentality and have not watched porn since. But I didn't do it alone. This forum and its kind members were a lifesaver. I also joined www.pornaddictsanonymous.org, a 12-step program for people with porn addictions, got a sponsor, now sponsor others, and still participate in their weekly phone-in meetings. So what's my point? If you attack your addictions from every possible angle, you will eventually prevail. It might not happen immediately and you might stumble from time to time, but you'll eventually get there.

Thanks for reading friends. Be well and remember...PORN IS NOT AN OPTION.

25
Ages 40 and up / Re: Patrick's Journal: A gay guy's imperfect reboot
« on: January 02, 2018, 08:21:51 PM »
Happy New Year Patrick! Keep going my friend.

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