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Messages - 2heal

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Ages 40 and up / Re: 2heal's Journal
« on: July 18, 2015, 09:53:59 PM »
I've been away for awhile.  Needless to say, I gave in and fapping (to porn) became a habit again.  I had some degree of success before, so I know it was helping.  I had the opportunity for intimacy last night and was unable to perform.  I'm sick at myself for letting this go and giving in again.  I am recommitting to this.  Before I concentrated on porn exclusion only.  I continued to MO on occasion which I think was a big mistake.  I plan to remove porn and masturbation totally.  I'm committing to doing this, eating healthy, working out, meditating and becoming a better person.

I feel your pain.  I'm in the same boat.  I think I need to go no M or O and see if I get results.  I've been no PMO for awhile now, and don't see much progress.  I've used porn for many, many years, so it may just take me longer.  I haven't had a problem not PMO'ing, but the no M and O is a real bear. 

I must say I REALLY enjoy getting the firm night erections.  It gives me hope.  Now if I could just get one when I want it...

Ages 40 and up / Re: 2heal's Journal
« on: January 30, 2015, 11:05:30 PM »
Hi, tachieman.  I've been getting good erections at night.  If I were to have sex first thing in the morning when I have a morning erection, I might be successful, but being single, haven't had the opportunity to try.  Otherwise, I get enough of an erection for satisfactory oral sex, but I start to lose it when I attempt penetration.  I too am frustrated.  I haven't gone PMO free for a year yet.  I still MO on occasion.  The longest stretch I've been able to hold out is 14 days.  I'm thinking I might need to commit to no MO for an extended period and see if that helps.  I'm kind of at wits end and want it back so bad.  I've read through forum after forum but haven't read of an account of someone my age (55) that has PMO'd as long as I have getting 100% back to normal with every attempt.  There are varying degrees of success and I don't mean to say it doesn't or hasn't happened, but I haven't run into an account as close as mine to know if they completely overcame the problem.  I read where a guy says he has had successful sex, but then might flatline and be awhile before he is successful again.  Again, I don't mean to say it doesn't or hasn't happened, I just haven't read a case like mine that has.

I'm going to attempt to no MO and see if I get anywhere.  I am so frustrated.

Ages 40 and up / Re: 2heal's Journal
« on: January 29, 2015, 11:23:35 PM »
Just checking in.  It's been awhile since I've been here.  I'm still hanging on here, but I need to get back on the forum for the support I was getting.  MO is still a problem.  I need to work on that area for sure.  I joined a gym and started a weight lifting program, so I'm keeping myself occupied.  I feel better about myself. 

Ages 40 and up / Re: 2heal's Journal
« on: December 30, 2014, 05:39:12 PM »
Thanks, PMO-Tracker!  You gave me the 'courage' to reset it...and it worked just fine.  I won't worry about it in the future!  Thanks!

Ages 40 and up / Re: Changing my life after 20 odd years of porn
« on: December 28, 2014, 09:30:37 PM »
Good for you, Horpio.  It sounds like you are getting it together.  I'm proud of your accomplishments.  Stay strong, you're making terrific progress.

Ages 40 and up / Re: 2heal's Journal
« on: December 28, 2014, 09:21:47 PM »
Actually, Horpio, it's more like 155 days on the PMO.   I just haven't had the nerver to attempt to correct the counter.  Always afraid it will reset to zero and mess it 

I'm happy about the PMO, I'm disappointed in the MO.  I just can't seem to beat that one and I know it's probably the key to my healing - or at least why it's taking so long.

Ages 40 and up / Re: 2heal's Journal
« on: December 24, 2014, 11:56:52 AM »
Thanks, guys.  Still having problems with the MO, but PMO is still in check. Been keeping busy so haven't been on here much.  I need to get back to reading journals - they keep me motivated.  Thanks for checking on me Horpio and SMS.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Changing my life after 20 odd years of porn
« on: December 12, 2014, 06:46:18 PM »
Well done, Horpio!  You're doing great!

Ages 40 and up / Re: 2heal's Journal
« on: December 09, 2014, 05:34:12 PM »
Thanks, guys.  Still struggling with MO, but working on it :-\    I still come to this site for motivation and for the wisdom of the others posting here.  I'm going to go work out - it helps me to relieve stress (which is a trigger for me).

Ages 40 and up / Re: PORN IS NOT AN OPTION
« on: December 04, 2014, 07:17:04 PM »
This is such an inspirational and motivating journal.  Thanks for sharing.  You've convinced me I need to work harder in the gym (and otherwise) - diverting my attention from porn and MO to something constructive.  I've been through so much of what you have described, it's almost uncanny.

It's posts like this that helps me.  It helps me realize I'm not alone in this struggle.  We have our good days and we have are bad days.  The important thing is that you get back on track and carry on.  Yeah, you may have looked at a little porn, but you had the wherewithal to hold back from the MO too.  In the past, you would have given in.  That shows your progress.  I'm glad you're beating this thing.  You're going to make it!

Ages 40 and up / Re: 2heal's Journal
« on: December 03, 2014, 08:48:07 PM »
Hey guys, thanks for checking in.  I'm still hanging in there.  PMO is something I'm finding fairly easy to avoid at this point.  MO, well, I'm working on it.  I'm almost at 2 weeks now, which seems to be where I've given in, in the past.  I'm working real hard at avoiding it altogether, so hopefully, that won't happen.  I'm trying to direct my energy to my health, exercising more.  That does feel good and is a good substitution for those bad habits.  Porn and MO are not options...

Ages 40 and up / Re: 2heal's Journal
« on: November 30, 2014, 12:08:27 PM »
Thanks, Lyon and SMS.  I think I know where you are coming from and I know you are right.  Yes, it probably does appear that this is all I think about.  I guess I'm just afraid and desperate.  I believe it's what destroyed my marriage and I'm afraid to even look for another relationship while I've still got this problem.  I stopped the PMO and I'm really working at stopping the MO as well.  Even though it comes across that I'm obsessing with my d***, I'm really just looking for a sign that things are getting better. It helps me to look for others on here in the same situation that I can relate to and read about.  This site has been a big help to me.  Yes, I do need to work on being the best person I can be.   Thanks, guys.

I AGREE, challenged!  I am here looking for any help I can get.  We all get through this in our own way and attacking someone is not helping anyone, just creating hard feelings.

Ages 40 and up / Re: 2heal's Journal
« on: November 21, 2014, 11:47:35 PM »
Thanks, unchained.  I think I'm really going to have to work on MO as well.  I think it's slowing my progress down.  I've been 118 days without PMO and no signs of healing, except, like I mentioned before, having major morning wood the morning after MO.  That was a pleasant surprise.

Unchained, I'm glad you're having some success.  I'm in that dreaded position you referred to.  I'm not sure how much of my problem is pied and how much is anxiety.  I know for sure there was/is pied, I'm just having trouble figuring out if any remaining issues are pied.  I had so many failures before I divorced that I know anxiety is an issue for me.  And, since I am single now, I fear getting into a relationship or even looking for a hookup, strictly for fear of failure.  I'm afraid to even test it.  It's such an embarrassment to fail.  Keep keeping on.  We want to hear about your progress.  It helps keep us motivated.  I for one think I'm going to have to get M out of my life completely.  I think it's slowing my process down. 

Ages 40 and up / Re: 2heal's Journal
« on: November 20, 2014, 06:29:15 PM »
OK, a little update.  I have gone 117 days without PMO.  MO, I'm not doing so well.  I seem to give in after a week or two.  I'm working on it though.  I had a return of occasional morning wood after stopping PMO and it's getting more frequent.  I've read where some say it's a sign of improvement and some say it doesn't really mean that much.  Anyway, here's what happened.  I messed up two evenings in a row with MO.  Not proud of it, but it happened.  Normally I will not have a return of morning wood for a few days after MO.  After two evenings in a row of MO, I woke up this morning with strong morning wood.  I don't know if it does or doesn't mean anything, but it sure gave me a boost...just a little bit on encouragement.  Maybe I'm on my way?... I hope.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Changing my life after 20 odd years of porn
« on: November 17, 2014, 11:22:15 PM »
Horpio, I agree whole-heartedly.  I also PMO'd as a way to escape bad feelings.  I hope I can follow your footsteps.  I am going through a period where I want to, I start to, I stop myself.  I don't feel good about the fact that I allowed myself to even consider it.  It's like has been said before, I am using it to self medicate.  It's my drug.  You, unchained, SMS,'ve encouraged me to carry on with this fight.  You are doing great.  I hope I can do as well.

Ages 40 and up / Re: 2heal's Journal
« on: November 13, 2014, 08:18:26 PM »
Thank you, guys.  You have no idea how much your support means to me.  Every word of encouragement helps keep me here.  Keeps me trying - which we all know is the only way to beat this.  SMS, your last post really opened my eyes.  It sunk in, finally, that this might take awhile.  I have had some really strong night wood, which I hope is a sign that things are getting better.  Before my divorce, I had several 'failures'.  I think the worry of another failure made it a self fulfilling prophecy.  Now, I'm not sure how much of my problem is PIED and how much of it is due to anxiety.  I fear failure and I'm afraid it's causing my failure - whether I've 'healed' or not.  I've actually gone 110 days now without PMO (counter doesn't reflect that - I just started the counter recently).  Reading how far SMS has come makes it hit home...this could be awhile. But the outcome is going to be worth it.  Regardless of whether it is still PIED or not, I'm going to continue on, day by day.  Porn is no longer an option.  Horpio, unchained, thank you, brothers.  You keep me on the path.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Today is Day One
« on: November 11, 2014, 07:29:20 PM »
Hi, nobother.  You have absolutely come to the right place.  I don't think anyone here is going to tell you this is easy.  I have felt your pain.  I developed ED and relations with my (ex) wife came to a halt.  I lost her after she decided I wasn't interested anymore and she found someone else.  At the time I didn't attribute it to porn use.  I've learned a lot here.  You don't really say if you have those kind of issues or if you just want to get porn out of your life.  Regardless, this is where you should be.  There are a lot of guys on here that will encourage you, they won't judge you either.  We all slip.  It's a matter of getting back on the horse and continuing on.  Like I said, it's not easy, but if you want to get it out of your life, this is a good place to start.  Read all you can.  Absorb it.  Read it again.  Make a journal here and others will be there to encourage you.  I'm in my 50's as well and I've been doing this since I was about 21.  I've wasted a lot of my life to this problem and I'm using this chance to take a better path.  Welcome.

Ages 40 and up / Re: 2heal's Journal
« on: November 11, 2014, 07:15:50 PM »
I almost gave in.  I almost blew it.  I even had the porn pulled up and playing.  I stopped myself.  "What the hell am I doing?"  I shut it off.  That was on Sunday.  I guess that's the 'chaser' after MO on Saturday.  This is so aggravating.  Sometimes I don't know if I'm ever going to be able to do it.  If only I could see some results.  The only thing I've seen is the return of night/morning wood.  I tried to talk to a trusted friend about it and he thinks this is crazy - 'that's what happens when you read'.  He doesn't believe this at all.  I want so bad to be able to rid myself of ED, I feel desperate.  I'm going to continue on.  Thanks for the encouragement guys.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Changing my life after 20 odd years of porn
« on: November 08, 2014, 11:31:09 PM »
Definitely come back with a slip up.  I slipped today and you gave me the encouragement I needed to keep going.  We're in this together.

Ages 40 and up / Re: 2heal's Journal
« on: November 08, 2014, 11:27:55 PM »
Thanks, horpio.  I needed that. :-[

unchained.  I think that's awesome.  You're conquering two at once and sounds like it's going well.  We're with you.

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