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Messages - Gabe Deem

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1
Porn Addiction / Survey being conducted on problematic porn use.
« on: August 15, 2019, 10:32:43 PM »
Hey Nation,

There's a new Monash University student survey being conducted on problematic porn use. I'd greatly appreciate it if y'all took some time to fill it out. Below is a few details and the link! Much love.

Quote
The  study aims to investigate how pornography affects people in different ways. More specifically, the study aims to compare the experiences of people who experience problems related to their pornography use (problematic users) versus people who don’t (non-problematic users). As a participant, you will be asked to complete a series of confidential and anonymous questions regarding your use of pornography, its effects on you, as well as other questions regarding your psychological well-being. The survey should take approximately 30-45 minutes to complete.

https://monash.az1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_1FkP1Bn2tUomjTD




2
Porn Addiction / Re: I need to hear it from a man
« on: July 13, 2019, 02:48:09 PM »
I agree with DoneAtLast in that a partner cannot ever compete with porn. I wrote a piece expounding on this a couple years back here:https://www.cosmopolitan.com/uk/reports/news/a30287/an-ex-porn-addicts-message-to-jennifer-lawrence/

3
What up Nation,

Please consider helping my friends in New Zealand who are making a documentary on porn's impact on children. Watch this trailer and you'll see really quick that they have hearts of gold full of passion and simply want to help others. At the very least consider sharing this link with others:

https://igg.me/at/ourkidsonline

4
Porn Addiction / Please Help Take this Survey for Recovery App
« on: July 09, 2019, 09:28:20 PM »
Hey Nation,

A new recovery app is being developed for rebooters. Would y'all please take a minute and take this quick survey to help:


https://www.surveymonkey.co.uk/r/HelpTLC

5
Success Stories / Re: Need Motivation? Hear Me Out! Short and Sweet
« on: July 09, 2019, 10:52:20 AM »
i was wondering if after leaving behind your addiction if you have a new approach to sex all together? i saw that sometimes you mention Karezza for the new recovering people, but are you still using it on your regular basis? or was it just something you did at the beggining?

I would say yes, my approach to sex has changed. I care more about mutual pleasure and connection, rather than just trying to "fuck" and bust a nut - basically reenacting a porn scene. I care more about what my partner wants to do, compared to my younger years where I would think more in terms of what I could get my partner to do for me. As far as Karezza is concerned, I no longer do it. Although I fully support anyone who wants to, and I think it is awesome. I highly recommend it for those who are trying to rewire.


6
@DoneAtlast

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It is SO important for rebooters or people thinking about rebooting to realize that porn =/= sex


Exactly. A great point to make. In this video I argue the importance of differentiating the two.

https://youtu.be/m9n-hs83AsY

7
Porn Addiction / Re: Recommend me a book!
« on: July 08, 2019, 12:17:32 PM »
Quote
The Slight Edge. Easy read.

Author name? There seem to be two different ones.

Jeff Olson: The Slight Edge: Turning Simple Disciplines into Massive Success and Happiness

8
Porn Addiction / Re: Recommend me a book!
« on: June 29, 2019, 04:17:39 PM »
The Slight Edge. Easy read. Packed with golden advice. Also just read Good to Great. Although it is written for business peeps, the advice and principles are certainly applicable to self-development. 

9
Porn Addiction / Re: Great presentation by Gary Wilson
« on: June 29, 2019, 04:06:53 PM »
This is the quality content I like to see being shared!! Bravo peeps... bravo.  8)

10
Raising awareness one article at a time! Keep truckin rebooters! I'll never stop doing what I can to get this info out until the world is aware of potential problems.

https://www.esquiresg.com/features/why-porn-addiction-can-ruin-your-sex-life-for-good-feature-online-search-medical-symptom-psychology-couple-relationship-explicit-pleasure/

11
**Forum Rules-Guidelines-Suggestions** / Re: Banning!!!
« on: June 18, 2019, 10:38:53 AM »
Hey Nick, here you can find the forum rules: http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=6.0

12
Success Stories / Re: Successes Before 90 Days!
« on: May 19, 2019, 09:17:42 AM »
@CHLM
Quote
Never had successful intercourse (entire life) so would take the receptive position despite preference for other position

After approximately 75 Days

-Get erections during the day when I think about my partner

Thanks for posting man! So incredible to see such great improvement so fast. Congrats on 75 days. I really appreciate you posting and giving back to the community. Hope the best for you!

Much love and keep truckin  8)

13
Porn Addiction / Re: Relapse + Restart
« on: May 17, 2019, 09:30:14 AM »
Don't think of the relapse as a "failure," think of it as a learning experience. Remember what led you down the road to viewing porn and be mindful and redirect your behavior next time as early as possible.

and CONGRATS on 140! That is a huge accomplishment. Keep truckin, and hope for the best for you man.

14
Congrats on 1 year free! That is incredible, and it sounds like you're taking care of yourself and living a healthy life. As to your question of "how do we determine we are cured? Should you wait to see mental signs? These questions are answered here:

http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=70.msg370#msg370

Hope that helps. We've seen people need longer than a year and still recover. If you haven't already, read through the FAQ's and watch our videos for more tips and advice that may clear up some of your questions.

15
Porn Addiction / Re: Is Addiction actually a disease?
« on: April 24, 2019, 10:06:18 AM »
Consider that even the people who are addicted to the heaviest drugs can overcome their addiction by the exercise of will, friendship and accountability. Shouldn't this tell us something?

Are you familiar with the rat park experiments? Here is a good video about addiction which mentions it.

There are a lot of problems Johan's claims regarding rat park and addiction, discussed here:

https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/relevant-research-and-articles-about-the-studies/critiques-of-questionable-debunking-propaganda-pieces/commentary-on-everything-we-think-we-know-about-addiction-is-wrong-in-a-nutshell/

16
Porn Addiction / Re: Day 6 -Addiction
« on: April 24, 2019, 10:02:54 AM »
Hey @bar69,

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Hello, Im on day 6, it's going quite rough, I want to watch, but know future will be better

Hang in there bro. You've made it 6 days...you can make it 6 more. If it helps here is a video I made on withdrawal symptoms during recovery and the science behind them. I also would recommend getting outside and offline, maybe print off an article or grab a book and head out to a park and read and take notes. This was one of my favorite things to do on tough days. Hope that helps. Much love

https://youtu.be/dxtQq0jBncc

17
Welcome to the Nation @revoetan! Sounds like you've done your research and understand the basics of the neuroscience of addiction and sexual conditioning. If you haven't watched it yet I have an advice video you could check out.

My advice is to spend a lot of time with real people in real social situations. And when you're online use your time to get educated on something, or print off articles and go read them at a park or something and take notes. Also, read , read, read, and take notes on what you find meaningful and important and applicable to your life and your life's story.

I also would help others occasionally, as you begin to learn more and more information, maybe post in other peoples journals and help them when possible or simply give encouragement. Having a purpose during the reboot such as "helping others with what I've learned" can be incredibly beneficial in the long run.

Hope the best for you! Much love

18
Ages 20-29 / Re: Journal
« on: April 08, 2019, 10:03:38 AM »
Hey @LeanAndBop

Welcome to the Nation! If you've been able to reach 3 weeks, you can do it again. Take it one day at a time. Each decision you make to steer yourself away from porn and to a healthier action, or thought, reinforces the circuitry around that decisions, making it easier and easier each time.

Small, articulated goals is a great idea. We all need a clear aim. Hope the best for you! Much love.

19
Porn Addiction / Re: delete your twitter
« on: April 07, 2019, 09:27:55 AM »
I am active on Twitter to engage in the mainstream conversation around porn addiction/porn's impact, and raise awareness. It isn't a place I'd recommend being during recovery, but if you do decide to use it I recommend making sure you follow accounts that are safe and will help in your recovery.

During my recovery I pretty much stayed off social media.

20
Porn Addiction / Re: Relapsed Last Night
« on: April 02, 2019, 07:30:02 AM »
@WoundedSparrow congrats on 5 weeks! You've done it once you can do it again. And you've gone 5... you can go 6. Hope the best for you! Much love

21
Porn Addiction / Re: I failed because of smartphone
« on: March 20, 2019, 09:40:08 AM »
Do you have to have a smartphone for work? If not, consider getting a dumb phone. There are filters you can put on your phone as well, several of them free. Also, consider posting in an accountability partner section for your age group.

Bottom line, if what your doing isn't working, do something different. Hope the best for you. Much love.

22
Success Stories / Re: Porn Reboot - Started 1/09/2018
« on: February 08, 2019, 09:08:39 AM »
Hey, Glad to have you on the Nation and hope the best for your recovery. However, this belongs in the journal section. What age group are you in?

23
Porn Addiction / LA area rebooters - Upcoming conference FEB 16/17th
« on: February 03, 2019, 10:12:49 AM »
Hey Rebooters,

I'll be in LA on February 17th speaking at the 30th Annual Sexual Compulsives Anonymous conference. I'm the closing speaker and I'll copy and paste my presentation detains below. There are several presentations all day Saturday and Alexandria Katehakis is opening up the conference Friday night. If you're interested I'll post the link for deets. Have a great porn-free day my peeps.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sunday, February 17th

10:00AM - 11:30AM, 30 min Q&A to follow

Gabe Deem
The Neuroscience of Porn Addiction and the Necessity of Fellowship


After hitting rock bottom in porn addiction, Gabe went searching for answers (step 1, 4). While on the road to recovery he stumbled across profound insights from the field of neuroscience, and found communities full of thousands of other people on the same journey. Inspired by their stories, and realizing the desperate need for accurate information, he will share his own story and insights in hopes of helping others. (step 11 & 12, and #5 SCA Tradition)

For info see: http://scalosangeles.org/events/convention/


24
Quote
And pass my data on to Gary Wilson if it will be helpful in any way.

I did my man. It has been posted on YBOP already... below is the link. Your story will help many! Thanks for giving back.

https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/rebooting-accounts/rebooting-accounts-page-3/age-43-pied-ended-on-day-265-of-quitting-porn/


25
J, This is incredible. I'm so happy for you and proud of you for trucking through the road to recovery and sticking with it.

Thank you for posting this. I know this will help many people by sharing this. Everyone needs to understand that their life has meaning, and if you start with yourself, and sort yourself out, then love on others and impact their life in a positive way, there is a ripple effect that can happen and it all starts with a realization that if you fix what bothers you, you can change the world. Like the ol' Michael Jackson song Man in the Mirror lyrics say: "if you want to make the world a better place take a look at yourself and make a change." Gahndi said it another way, "be the change you wish to see in the world."

I'm so glad to hear that I was able to help. It encourages me to keep doing what I can to raise awareness and share my story so I thank you for taking the time to post this and reach out to me. I hope nothing but the best for you, and for continued success on this journey.

Much love!

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