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Messages - Bumper

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Ages 40 and up / Re: How to stop the fantasies?
« on: August 29, 2015, 08:47:21 AM »
Hi everyone, some great advice and words of wisdom on here. I just wanted to share how I've been doing and let you all know how I'm getting through this in case it proves a useful technique for anyone else in the same boat as me.

I'm 12 days PMO free now and still the fantasies are quite relentless. They pop into my head at all times, I have triggers everywhere and they are impossible to stop. However, I was reading about meditation and it explained how to empty your mind and it's proved to be a great way for me to get rid of the bad thoughts.

You can't really empty your mind, you always have something in your head but the skill is to acknowledge the thought and then say good bye to it immediately.

Imagine you are sitting by a train line and a train is passing in front of you from one side to the other. Each carriage contains a thought. When the thought comes to you, you see it, acknowledge it, and let it go. Passing by just like a train carriage.

So here's what I've done. When I realise I am thinking of head porn I immediately imagine that woman, that scene, that activity, that thought, being on a train carriage and it trundling away from me into the distance. Then I look to see what's on the next carriage and imagine it contains something else (anything - family, friends, work, money, love, my dog, my bicycle, painting my house, fixing my car, etc.). This is no different really to just trying to distract yourself except I found it hard to think of something else without thinking about what I was trying to forget. This method has really helped me by saying 'goodbye' to the bad thought and visualising it disappearing away down the line before looking at the new thought.

So far it's working really well for me. I just thought I would share it. Maybe someone else with a similar trouble will also find it a useful way to get through it all.

Ages 40 and up / Re: How to stop the fantasies?
« on: August 21, 2015, 07:13:00 PM »
The hardest time is when I go to bed and when I wake in the morning. I think they are times I have indulged in my fantasies almost every day for as long as I can remember - right back to when I was an infant - so it's a well-ingrained habit.

I try to get up as soon as I wake but often I'm still very tired and that's when I really want it. The same when I go to bed and I am trying to get to sleep. I think maybe it's like a drug that I've got used to using to help me sleep.

Ages 40 and up / Re: How to stop the fantasies?
« on: August 20, 2015, 07:22:48 PM »
I'm single at the moment - my last relationship broke down because of all this and it's how I realised this was a problem for me but thanks for the comments and advice it's all good stuff. I'll try your suggestions and see if any of it works for me. Thanks.

Ages 40 and up / How to stop the fantasies?
« on: August 20, 2015, 01:58:47 PM »
I'm on day 4. Last 3 days have been easier than expected but today I'm getting the fantasies trying to creep in. It's impossible for me to avoid triggers so I have to just try and distract myself. That's why I've come back on here again now (1st attempt was 12 months ago which was on and off for a couple of months until I gave in completely and it's been "I'll start again tomorrow" since then).

So now I'm on day 4 PMO free and trying to keep the fantasies at bay.

Does anyone have any better strategies for controlling the head porn?

Ages 30-39 / Re: Age 39 - my journal
« on: December 16, 2014, 07:29:12 PM »
This past 10 days I've just gone back to square one. Started off with the head porn and then I just thought 'well, I've gone that far I might as well have some fun' and I spent a few days back on the porn. Feel really shit about it now. I really need to find a new strategy for dealing with the fantasies, that's the hardest part for me.

I think if you are having to masturbate to get to O even when you are in a real sex situation then you are just reinforcing the 'bad' links in your brain. You are reinforcing the link between M and O and you are not helping to strengthen the links between your partner and O. If you continue to do that you will probably find that every time you are in a real sex situation your brain needs you to M to get to O.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Age 39 - my journal
« on: November 15, 2014, 09:33:26 PM »
Shit... looked today. Not just a quick peek but was browsing through a website for a while :(

No MO but I still got hard looking. I don't really know now why I did it, it was like I was being compelled to. Then I was thinking 'just a little look won't hurt'. Hopefully not too much of a step backwards but I feel crap for doing it now. I really need a better strategy for dealing with the fantasies too. It's like they are just there in my head almost permanently. I'm going to look through the forum for some ideas, inspiration and, hopefully, some encouragement too.

Porn Addiction / Re: Day 32, and the fantasies are coming more often
« on: November 12, 2014, 06:53:31 PM »
That's good to know, True2Myself, and gives me a little hope that there is an end eventually.

This is a problem I'm having too just now. The fantasies seem to be relentless. Triggers are everywhere! I try to dismiss them as quick as I can but sometimes I find myself thinking about them for a little while (maybe just 30sec or a minute at worse) but it's enough to get me excited - although I have so far always been able to stop as soon as that happened.

This has definitely been the hardest part so far for me. I've been porn free for over a month now and not been very tempted to go back but the fantasies are very tempting. I don't feel like I want to let go of them.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Age 39 - my journal
« on: November 11, 2014, 08:07:38 PM »
36 days PMO free! The head porn is really hard to ignore just now. It seems relentless. There seem to be triggers everywhere. Been trying to dismiss it as quick as I can but I've found myself thinking about it too much sometimes and it starts to turn me on. I don't let it for long and I'm not acting on it at all but I hope it starts to ease up soon.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Age 39 - my journal
« on: November 08, 2014, 04:48:56 AM »
32 days PMO free. The temptation is worse than ever right now though. That's really why I've come on here. To distract myself. I'm just trying to think about why I have the urge so much now. Maybe because I have a few financial stresses at the moment. Perhaps before in times like this I used to cheer myself up with PMO. I think I'll go out to a coffee shop and have a drink, chat to a few people and hopefully by the time I get back I will have forgotten all about it.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Age 39 - my journal
« on: November 04, 2014, 08:34:10 PM »
29 days PMO free!

I noticed something else today that has changed in me (at least a little). I was talking to a woman in the pub this evening and I was thinking about what it would be like to have sex with her. Just normal sex. That never used to happen with me. Previously I would not have thought about normal sex at all, I would fit her into my head porn. This time that stuff didn't enter my head at all and I was just thinking about regular stuff. It was only for a few minutes (I did have to keep listening to what she was saying after all) but the difference is in the context I was thinking about her.

I'm really encouraged about this. Still haven't had chance to test the physical reaction yet but I'm sure this is a good sign that I'm re-wiring myself  :D

Success Stories / Re: The fantasies are getting weaker!
« on: November 02, 2014, 07:25:54 PM »
This is very encouraging news. Thanks for sharing your experience  ;)

Porn Addiction / Re: A long topic but advice is really needed.
« on: November 02, 2014, 07:49:01 AM »
Think of PMO as like a drug. It releases chemicals in the brain which make you feel good which is why you want more. If you give up smoking for a while and then have just one cigarette, it puts nicotine back in your blood which your brain likes. It probably won't do too much harm but it certainly won't do you any good and it is far better to just not have any than risk sliding down the slippery slope back in to regular use again.

Every time you look at porn or MO it is the same as smoking a cigarette - it helps strengthen the pathways in your brain that you are trying to break (the ones that tell you porn = pleasure). It won't necessarily mean you are back to square one but it will be a few steps back.

I would strongly encourage you to not even look at anything that gets you excited - other than a real woman. It's so easy to start thinking that you did it once and you're still okay so you can do it again. And that leads to again, and again, and again, and before you know it you're hooked again and you really are back to square one. Just don't even go there, it's really not worth it.

I'm still at the stage where I'm thinking how awful it's going to be to not be able to look at porn ever again but I know that over time that feeling is going to disappear and when it does I'm going to be a much happier guy.

I've had plenty of addictions in my life. Cigarettes, alcohol, chocolate, gambling. I guess I have an addictive nature if such a thing exists but I've already given up cigarettes and alcohol and I only eat chocolate like a normal person now. Every time I had to give any of them up, it started off painfully awful. I hated that I wouldn't be able to go out and get drunk again. I couldn't see myself living the rest of my life without a cigarette. I enjoyed it too much. It really does go away but every time you go back you just make it much harder to get there. You really should cut porn out completely. Ask yourself this: Is it really worth a few minutes pleasure for a few months set back? Find a distraction. Have lots of distractions ready for when you get the urge. And don't do it. Soon you'll be really glad that you didn't!

Porn Addiction / Re: Head Porn
« on: November 01, 2014, 08:44:16 PM »
I have exactly same problem. I have so many triggers from everyday things that I cannot avoid, the head porn just keeps popping up.

I've managed (so far) to get over this by simply distracting myself. I will think of something else. Anything! Anything at all that isn't related to the porn! I'll think about something I saw on TV or on the news, my next holiday, my last holiday, my bank account, the book I'm reading, what I'm going to wear tomorrow... the list is infinite but you do need that little bit of discipline and willpower to make yourself do/think something else. I've started playing games on my phone a lot (you won't believe how many levels of Candy Crush I've moved through since giving up PMO!)

Sometimes I'll find that I dwell on the head porn without realising but as soon as I feel even the slightest bit of excitement I get myself out of it. If you're finding you're getting hard or even semi then I think you're letting it stay too long. Don't put yourself down about it though, just tell yourself it was a close call and think or do something else.

I'm only a month (almost) PMO free so maybe I'm not the best person to give you advice but for me having lots of distractions has worked really well. If I'm feeling really horny I'll try and think about a real life woman (an ex girlfriend who I liked) but not in terms of porn. I'll just think about her holding my hand or think about some romantic moments we had together but not sex. I'd like to think that it is helping create the good connections in my brain - i.e. connecting pleasure with normal interactions.

Good luck!

Porn Addiction / Re: A long topic but advice is really needed.
« on: November 01, 2014, 05:59:40 PM »
I would consider a relapse as intentionally doing anything that gets you excited - and that includes thinking about head porn to the extent that it gets you excited or just looking at porn. If you stumble across something unintentionally then I would not consider that as a relapse unless you intentionally dwell on it.

Remember we are trying to rewire our brains here. We have to break the link between porn (including head porn) and pleasure. If you feel yourself getting excited reading Manga then you're just helping to strengthen those unhealthy connections that we want to break. I've found that some of my triggers are totally unavoidable but I've learned to ignore them, not dwell on them or distract myself before the head porn gets in.

So if you can read Manga and dismiss or ignore the excitement any of those triggers give you then maybe it's not doing too much damage. If you're finding it hard to do that then I would suggest you avoid it altogether for a while.

Me, I'm only 26 days down the road so I may not be the best person to give advice but that's what I think from everything I've learned about all this.

Good luck!

Ages 30-39 / Re: Age 39 - my journal
« on: October 30, 2014, 04:27:46 PM »
23 days PMO free on my first attempt, I'm really surprised I've got this far first time but today has also been the first time I've been really really tempted to have another look at it. You know... 'just a little peek'. But I know it  will be a slippery slope so I'm not going to. Still getting head porn creeping in quite regularly but I keep distracting myself.

On a more positive note, for the first time in my life I'm really wanting to meet someone and get laid...

Ages 30-39 / Re: Age 39 - my journal begins
« on: October 27, 2014, 07:19:26 PM »
21 days PMO free, been feeling pretty depressed today for no apparent reason. Never felt like this before. Is this a normal part of rebooting?

Porn Addiction / Re: Could use some help
« on: October 25, 2014, 07:31:30 PM »
I found that having lots of things to do to keep me busy/occupied really helps. Even if it is just playing a game on my phone. If I find myself getting tempted I grab my phone and fire up a game. My biggest problem is head porn. It can creep in at any time or place and finding something else to focus on seems to me the best way to get away from it. Just thinking 'I must not think about that' doesn't help much at all.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Age 39 - my journal begins
« on: October 25, 2014, 07:23:50 PM »
Still PMO free - which I still can't believe I've managed to do - and my date on Friday went really well. Went back to her place afterwards. We were kissing and I was stroking her leg and I got really hard. Very encouraged by that although the real test will be when we go all the way. It's really helping me with this though because now I can think about her instead when the head porn starts creeping in and I'm finding myself getting E just thinking about kissing her. I'm only 18 days in so I'm getting really encouraged by this. Like I said though, the real test will come later because I have always got at least semi-E at this stage but this is a very good sign and much better than I had hoped for this soon. :D

**Forum Rules-Guidelines-Suggestions** / What are triggers?
« on: October 23, 2014, 02:47:08 PM »
Can someone explain what triggers are/means please? Perhaps it could be added to the vocabulary thread?

Ages 30-39 / Re: Age 39 - my journal begins
« on: October 21, 2014, 05:31:24 PM »
I couldn't agree more, Dhira. These forums are really helping me to keep focused.

Well, one of my 2 dates on Sunday went really well and I'm seeing her again on Friday. It's helping me actually because I'm frequently getting my old fantasies trying to creep into my head. When I do I try and imagine what it will be like with her instead. Previously I would have tried to fit her into my fantasies which is obviously no good for me. I'm still not MO-ing but I am trying to think about having regular sex and just relaxing (not touching!). Sometimes it excites me a little bit so I'm hoping it will increase in time. I'm finding it a good way to divert my attention from unhealthy pleasure to healthy pleasure and I'm hoping it's helping to rewire my brain.

Ages 30-39 / Re: 31 - Quitting journal.
« on: October 20, 2014, 07:17:34 PM »
I'm only 13 days down the road so I can't give you much advice at this stage but I would say that it has really really helped me to have lots of things to do. Anything at all, whether it's mowing the lawn, reading a book, going for a run, playing video games, anything at all that either makes it totally impracticable to masturbate or concentrates your mind so you're not even thinking about porn.

I bought a keyboard and I practice learning that, I also got Rosetta Stone software and I'm trying to learn a language, and I play Candy Crush way too much... but it's better than playing with myself!

Get a book by your bed - or a magazine about something you're interested in. If you find yourself with insomnia you can occupy your mind with that instead. Or just play a game on your phone. Anything! - just try and recognise when you're starting to think about porn and nip it in the bud as quickly as possible.

Good luck!

Ages 30-39 / Age 39 - my journal
« on: October 18, 2014, 06:53:53 PM »
So after yet another relationship ended within 5 months due to "we're not compatible in bed" I realised that my ED with real women is a real problem. Until this last time I really thought that because I could get rock hard on my own I had no problem. Just not met the right woman. Now I realise that 33 years of PMO has wrecked my head (Internet porn since age 23). So I had a quick look for info on the net and am really surprised (and also encouraged) by how popular it actually is. It's actually quite good to know there's lots of resources and personal experiences to get help and encouragement from. I got the brainbuddy app to help me along. It's not the best app in the world but it does help me a bit - and any help is very welcome right now.

So far I've been trying for 12 days with one brief relapse looking at a couple of still images (no fapping though). I've been fap free for 12 days.

It was easy in the first week but I think that was partly because I was still miserable about my last girlfriend dumping me. Now I'm getting over her the fantasies are getting back in my head. Sometimes I'll dismiss them quickly and try to think of something else - and sometimes I'll dwell on them for a minute or so and have ended up considering just looking at a few images but I've managed to turn it off in time so far. In either case, if I find myself getting hard thinking about them I stop myself. I don't want to get hard thinking about that stuff ever again. I haven't been hard for 12 days now. No morning wood and no fapping.

I've got to admit, I'm really worried about the ED, flatlining etc. At the moment I feel like I couldn't get hard even if I did use porn - which I'm not going to do. I have a date tomorrow (2 dates actually!) and although I'm looking forward to it I'm just expecting it to go really well until we get intimate and then she'll end it. Time will tell. I'm considering using Viagra to help me along but I'm not sure that would even work if the excitement isn't there in the first place.

Anyway, I think writing this stuff down on here is really going to help keep me going and after reading a lot of others' I hope when I'm down the road and rebooted it will give some encouragement to others too. I hope to god it doesn't take too long.

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