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Messages - Eswar

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Porn Addiction / Re: Help. Relapsed.
« on: May 29, 2020, 03:06:15 PM »
Hey Pal,  I saw you were on recently so I thought I'd reach out and see how you're doing.
I'm 60 years old, on day 50.  You can imagine my situation is different than most members.
I related to you for a few reasons- you like to read/expand your mind; you are creative; you seem resilient/optomistic.
A friend sent me a link to chatterbt 3 days ago and that almost sunk me. There is still a strong pull back into the abyss.
So triggers are still a hard reality for me.
Your advice is appreciated and inspirational.
Be well

Thanks for reaching out for me.
I've read somewhere, with age tendencies may loose force but not lost. Be careful.

My current situation:
I've been having a lot of time for me due to lockdown. Though I'm very indorsy and an avid reader, still couldn't manage the extra time well. the abundance of free time got to me.

From December to February things went okay. No porn. In march, the empire began to crumble. In April, it got more. Some times once a week, some time once every 3 days. Till may mid it went like this. First time, after a long time, watched three days straight. (I never watch more than a hour, mostly half an hour tops).

Future plan:
I've been tracking my behaviour as suggested in the autobiography of Benjamin Franklin(see his chart). Though recent past behaviour is disappointing, I know I am better than this. Much much better. And that this will pass. Once things go back to normal, I'll be over this easily.

Once again, thank you.

Good luck to all of you.

*Rebooters... take notes on this and refer to it when discussing this in future dialogue/debate!*

Porn addiction is an internet addiction....because... well... porn is on the internet. In light of what is being passed around, for instance, if you hear "there is no evidence for porn addiction" know this...that is not true. We should take a look at some research that is not being talked about again, and a few other points people are missing.

First... The American Society of Addiction Medicine (3,000 physicians and addiction experts) press release states that sex and porn can be real addictions.. and peep this sentence from it....

The new definition also describes addiction as a primary disease, meaning that it’s not the result of other causes such as emotional or psychiatric problems.

Here is part of the new definition of addiction -

Addiction also affects neurotransmission and interactions between cortical and hippocampal circuits and brain reward structures, such that the memory of previous exposures to rewards (such as food, sex, alcohol and other drugs) leads to a biological and behavioral response to external cues, in turn triggering craving and/or engagement in addictive behaviors.

Now to the internet addiction studies (70 of them) all showing the same brain changes as substance addictions.

Here is one internet addiction study that included porn. I highlighted the main points in two important quotes. The internet addicts brains showed the same brain changes found in all addictions. They developed a "numbed" reward circuit, this is known as desensitization.

Subjects used the internet almost every day, and spend more than 8 hours ... every day in front of the monitor, mostly for chatting with cyber friends, playing online games, and watching online pornographies or adult movies.

The results from this study provide evidence that IAD may induce significant DAT losses in the brain and these findings suggest that IAD (internet addiction disorder) is associated with dysfunctions in the dopaminergic brain systems and are consistent with previous reports in various types of addictions either with or without substances

And another one in 2013: Important paragraph -

It should be pointed out that, as two of the key uses of the internet for a sizable number of internet users are to gain access to pornography and gambling [4], [5], and these latter activities are clearly subject to potentially-addictive states, it may be that any results relating to ‘internet addiction’ are actually manifestations of other forms of addiction (i.e. to pornography or gambling).

Remember again, it does not matter if porn was used or not.....if the internet changes the brain, so does porn on the internet.

Here is a full list of all the internet addiction brain studies done so far (70 of them!) All showing without exception the same brain changes in substance addiction. At the bottom of the list are a few studies that showed the addiction CAUSED the problems, and issues went away when behavior was stopped! Again, not issues leading to addiction, but addiction leading to issues.

If the internet can change brains, porn can change brains lol. Case closed, no need for anymore over. The porn addiction naysayers refuse to acknowledge this research.... because if internet addiction exists, their argument is worthless.

A Cambridge University study in 2013 found that people who are addicted to pornography show similar brain activity to alcoholics or drug addicts. Lead scientist Dr. Valerie Voon, an honorary consultant neuropsychiatrist, when talking about the results said:

We found greater activity in an area of the brain called the ventral striatum, which is a reward centre, involved in processing reward, motivation and pleasure.
When an alcoholic sees an ad for a drink, their brain will light up in a certain way and they will be stimulated in a certain way. We are seeing this same kind of activity in users of pornography.

That is describing an addiction process well established in the addiction field called "sensitization". This brain change happens in ALL addiction even behavioral.

Back to the American Society of Addiction Medicine (ASAM).

This is a Q&A they released after they came out with the new definition of addiction:

5. QUESTION: This new definition of addiction refers to addiction involving gambling, food, and sexual behaviors. Does ASAM really believe that food and sex are addicting?

ANSWER: Addiction to gambling has been well described in the scientific literature for several decades. In fact, the latest edition of the DSM (DSM-V) will list gambling disorder in the same section with substance use disorders. The new ASAM definition makes a departure from equating addiction with just substance dependence, by describing how addiction is also related to behaviors that are rewarding. This the first time that ASAM has taken an official position that addiction is not solely “substance dependence.” This definition says that addiction is about functioning and brain circuitry and how the structure and function of the brains of persons with addiction differ from the structure and function of the brains of persons who do not have addiction. It talks about reward circuitry in the brain and related circuitry, but the emphasis is not on the external rewards that act on the reward system. Food and sexual behaviors and gambling behaviors can be associated with the “pathological pursuit of rewards” described in this new definition of addiction.

Now, the Cambridge study, and all 60 internet addiction studies have shown exactly what I just emphasized in bold in the answer above. Addicts brains function differently than non addicts.

Here is a peer reviewed article on neuroplasticity in regards to porn use by Donald L. Hilton Jr., MD.. a neurosurgeon.

Sex, like drug rewards, places its stamp on neuronal receptors, dendrites, and gyri as it facilitates neuroplastic change, thus meriting the addiction label when compulsively and destructively expressed.

Norman Doidge MD, Author of The Brain That Changes Itself that came out back in 2007.... In it he describes Porn Induced ED because he started seeing it in his patients, just like Sue Varma has...and many others. Here is a part of chapter four of his book (amazing read by the way if you're interested.)

Today young men who surf porn are tremendously fearful of impotence, or “erectile dysfunction” as it is euphemistically called. The misleading term implies that these men have a problem in their penises, but the problem is in their heads, in their sexual brain maps. The penis works fine when they use pornography. It rarely occurs to them that there may be a relationship between the pornography they are consuming and their impotence...............The addictiveness of Internet pornography is not a metaphor. Not all addictions are to drugs or alcohol. People can be seriously addicted to gambling, even to running. All addicts show a loss of control of the activity, compulsively seek it out despite negative consequences, develop tolerance so that they need higher and higher levels of stimulation for satisfaction, and experience withdrawal if they can't consummate the addictive act.

Now for the Erectile Dysfunction research, it will be hard to study because, well, not many guys are willing to admit they have ED and want to be studied....especially teenagers. So what we have is "The great porn experiment" where thousands of guys like me simply change ONE variable in our lives, and recover....we stop watching porn.

Here is a list of 40 articles primarily from experts who say porn induced ED is real.

Science simply hasn't caught up with reality. It will take time as this is a new thing because we have the very first generation who grew up with internet porn. Things will get worse before they get better if we keep having people say "porn is not the issue the person is the issue" because by hearing that guys will think using porn can cause no harm and will only be a problem for the guys with "issues". I thought the same, that porn was only a problem for people who have issues.... until I developed issues of my own, erectile dysfunction at the ripe age of 23.

Thanks for reading. Rest assured, more research is coming.

Much love

Hello Mr. Gabe,

I am very grateful for the selfless work you're doing for people like me.

I want to contribute too to this cause.

Because of you, I found light and I kept going. As I found more, I would like to share it with all but you can do it way faster and effectively.

 please watch this:

Don't stop at that. Please watch more videos of that channel related to that person Keep digging. I have strong belief that they will become a powerful Armoury for you to achieve your desired goal.

Wish you more success in your endeavours.

Thank you,

Porn Addiction / Re: Help. Relapsed.
« on: November 26, 2019, 11:52:16 AM »
Relapsed after 125 days. Then  After 10days. Then again 4days.  Now just after 2days. I'm in the pit all over again.

Hey! It's been 4 successful months. Just want to share a few things.

1. Negative emotions/ feelings prompting to look at porn again. Need to curb it.

2. For the kind of damage inflicted on my brain, probably need 4-6 months more.

3.Eat fruits. Lots of them. Milk too. (Don't mix these too).

Just because you stayed away from porn doesn't mean it stays away from you. Some of it stored in your brain itself. So give yourself plenty of time. Don't reinforce it.

Don't be hard on yourself if you fall. Get back up. Don't do analysis post pmo. That just makes situation worse. Get busy doing something. Try to get past your previous best record.

Take care, Brothers.

Porn Addiction / Re: Help. Relapsed.
« on: September 21, 2019, 11:04:52 AM »
3. Only listened and watched non-sexual songs n content. But now-a-days, it not easy. So, when I come across something I don't want accidentally, I drag myself out of there.

It's really difficult avoiding things with sexual content though, right?

It was only when I was rebooting a few years back that I realised that sex is used to sell literally everything!
Remember the Diet Coke adverts in the 80s with the water running over the guy/girl...remember it vividly and at that age I had no idea why they were made in that way.
You never see ugly people plugging a product.

Well done on 125 days, like 4 months, that's awesome.

I think I went about 200 days, erections came back, though was never sure if it would be ok for real sex as I didn't have any.
I then relapsed once, and was really worried I was back to square one, so avoided anything for a couple of weeks, and erections came back stronger.
That was about 110 days ago.

I'd been using old sexual conversations I'd been having with past girlfriends as stimulation, because whilst erections were fine, I'd find it easier to O with help from them...then 18 days ago I stopped being able to get it up. Was weird, I had an erection no problem during the day, but could not O, then later that night tried again and nothing.
Same since. Worried but trying not to freak too much and just exercising and whatnot.

Guess there are a lot of us on this journey together   ???

Yes, it is indeed difficult. But it has to be done. And practice is the way. First you'll find it hard but after a few times, it's easy to see it as trash and move on.

Thank you for your support. When you understand relapses, it is much easier to moveon because you won't blame yourself completely.

200 days is huge! Well-done. If you did it once, I believe you can definately do it again.

Here, there's always help for those(us) who need it.

All the best.

Porn Addiction / Re: Help. Relapsed.
« on: September 18, 2019, 10:46:23 AM »
Really sorry to hear of the relapse. What steps did you take to stop for the periods of time before relapsing? Stay strong brother.

Thank you for your kind words. I didn't followed any steps deliberately. I just developed the intent to stay strong and added things that could help me along the way.

1. Got into a job far from my usual conditions. Even though job was hell for me I did it because it healed me by being a big distraction. I did it for about 35-40 days.

2. Before, During that time and since then, stopped myself from paying attention to women. Bare minimum.

3. Only listened and watched non-sexual songs n content. But now-a-days, it not easy. So, when I come across something I don't want accidentally, I drag myself out of there.

4. Read porn addiction success stories. Those gave me painful flashbacks of after relapse effects. And made me feel better about myself.

5. Stopped paying much attention to looks.

6. Overcame weak moments with good meal/ a walk on beach/ non-sexual movie (Avengers endgame occupied my mind for long time.)

7. Tried to avoid spiecy food as much as I can. Also sugar. Too much sugary stuff not good.

8. Yoga. Enough said.

9. Holy persons biographies.

10. One big reason I lasted that long is Gabe Deem. Watched his videos time to time.

I thought I knew everything I needed to after his lectures. That's why I fell after 125, I think. See, On that relapse day, I was very frustrated about something. There were too many negative thoughts. There was no vent.
Your mind knows your weaknesses better than you. It trapped me by offering PMO. I didn't know back then that negative feelings about yourself leads to there.

11. Swami Vivekananda. Read about him.

12. Mahatma Gandhi who used to say: Avoid Looking at Bad,Speaking Bad and Hearing Bad.(The three monkeys).
He's somewhat like us. He struggled while controlling his urges. You'll find that material in a chapter in his Autobiography: My Experiments with Truth.

13. Pray man. No kidding. Just pray to your God or parents or guru or nature.

14. Jordan Peterson also spoke about Porn. Try to watch that in YouTube.

All the best.

Porn Addiction / Re: Help. Relapsed.
« on: September 15, 2019, 11:39:23 AM »
First of all, congrats on 125 days. I'd kill to have a streak like that. Second, your experience is a common one. When we relapse, we're giving the brain the dopamine it wants while also lowering our willpower to fight against the urges it brings. It's never easier to fall off the wagon than it is immediately after trying to get back on. But don't see this as a loss. Your brain rewired immensely during those 125 days. 90 days is the standard reboot time. You're healthier now than you were 125 days ago. But it's up to you and the choices you make that will determine whether or not you stay healthy. Getting through the first few weeks sober after a relapse or a binge of relapses is always the hardest. It's like a shark trying to resist a drop of blood when he hasn't eaten in weeks. You've given your brain what it wants and now it's going to want more. The more you feed it, the deeper you'll sink. Treat these next couple of weeks like your life depends on it, because your mental health is certainly going to. Practice what you already know how to do that's gotten you this far. Avoid triggers, exercise, spend time outside, or whatever else you do that kills the urge to PMO. After the first week or two, it should get easier.

Thank you very much for your support. Your words are true.
I hope every new comer here gets to know this. Previously you are fighting an unknown enemy in the dark. The more you read about others experiences the clearer it gets. And soon you'll see every step of that enemy in the dark. Now, you just need to ride the time tide. Each passing day is your armor and you're stronger.

Porn Addiction / Re: Help. Relapsed.
« on: August 25, 2019, 10:52:08 AM »
You can do this!  125 days is really good, and you can do it again.  Relapses are awful, but you're fighting it.  Even if your "streaks" don't hit 125 again for a while, just keep trying.  Make sure each relapse is a learning experience about triggers, moods, conditions and everything else, and you'll make progress, little by little.

Thank you so much for your support! It's been a successful month. Getting back to normal.
What's working for me is, getting very busy(bury yourself in work). Even if it's not interesting. Main aim is to make progress- slow and gradual psychological advancement.

Porn Addiction / Help. Relapsed.
« on: July 24, 2019, 02:00:01 PM »
Relapsed after 125 days. Then  After 10days. Then again 4days.  Now just after 2days. I'm in the pit all over again.

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