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Messages - Greenzebra

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Ages 30-39 / Re: Just about to turn 30, going to start a journal
« on: August 04, 2019, 08:49:38 AM »
Hey man good on you for alerting the Mrs. In my experience you cant hold something back. You could try and be fully honest with your gf.

Its your problem to deal with, but openess is the best approach.

Then its a matter of switching the stimulus for relaxation to something else. Like journaling, pushups, walking, running, whatever. Chances are theres some mild underlying anxiety rhat will have either been there already or might result from dopamine withdrawl.

The best thing is to recognize when these urges are there. Understand what might have triggered it, then if you relapse tey and change the things that led you to cope. Pay attention to what happend right before you did this.

Goodluck and keep posting!

Its really great you're committed to stopping.

At really low times it might seem like its overwhelming. Its always hard to figure out where to start. Posting here is a great first step.

Getting help from a multitude of places really helped me. I joined SLAA, got a counsellor and also blog here and journal my thoughts regularly.

You're on the right track by knowing theres a problem and you need to fix it. Just dont let the fear of being honest hold you back.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Journal entry #1 - my struggle
« on: July 11, 2019, 05:00:33 AM »
Yeah man thanks. I had a slight slip up last week but im back on track. Im still waiting for a formal diagnosis. Its gonna take some time.

That article you posted with the stages of recovery was super helpful! I like the notion of being a recovered addict.

Thanks so much. Good luck and reach out if youre struggling.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Flatline right now
« on: July 10, 2019, 10:06:46 PM »
The rationality that ooohh i could do it today ill be fine. Doesnt work. Its that little voice in your head that slowly gets louder tothat says keep doing your routine. Stick to it and switch that stimulus. You can do it.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Journal entry #1 - my struggle
« on: July 09, 2019, 09:47:58 PM »
thanks CB that was incredibly helpful to me..

Really appreciate thar advice and youre outlook about your brain needing to heal more.

I think im in the same boat.


Ages 30-39 / Re: Did I just relapse?
« on: July 08, 2019, 11:12:23 AM »
Zazen, your story touches home.

Im in the same boat with my child. This can be a terrible thing. Not connecting with the person you love.

Dont be too hard on yourself. We can be present caring loving people. We can recover. 

Ages 30-39 / Re: facing my worst fears
« on: July 08, 2019, 10:39:51 AM »
Good work, now you closed it shift your thoughts to somethinf else. Whether its something you need or want to do.

Goodluck today.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Journal entry #1 - my struggle
« on: July 08, 2019, 10:38:21 AM »
Hi all,

Posting an update. Im near around 150 days now. Ive had one slip up but it was more out of curiosity about what might happen as its been so long.

Still commiting to this lifestyle. I may alter my goals. Has anyone experimented with a set day for masterbation and then just refrained from imagery? Just wondering. I know there is intermediate methods.

Life is good otherwise. Trying to find meaningful connections with the people in my life.

Goodluck all

Ages 30-39 / Re: facing my worst fears
« on: May 30, 2019, 09:25:59 PM »
Dont be too hard on yourself... just focus on feeling good about you. Find time everyday to be grateful about something. Think it, write it, say it, whatever works.

The better you feel about you and your life the easier it will be to help change your patterns.

Youre doing awesome!

Ages 30-39 / Re: Journal entry #1 - my struggle
« on: May 30, 2019, 07:34:20 PM »
You can do it Orange. Thanks for the support.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Journal entry #1 - my struggle
« on: May 28, 2019, 11:37:38 PM »
Day 93

Just a quick check in. Its been tough. I knew weeks in advance of my 90th day that my wife and i wouldnt be able to be intimate. What i did in prepration for this was to set new goals of 120, 150 and 180 days.

Ive also focused on rejigging my goals too. Its been a reallt tough go but i know im making progress by committing to changing deep patterns in my psyche.

Stay strong everyone... we can all get there!

Ages 30-39 / Re: Journal entry #1 - my struggle
« on: May 12, 2019, 04:40:45 AM »
Im up to around 76 days now.

Lots has happened in this time. 2 weeks until im at 90 days.

Biophysically: stress, anxiety, depression and erections have really lessened. Im sort of leveling off. When im tired i still wake up with erections but it goes away if i get up and do somsthing. Adhd is still there, but im learning to manage it better now at work and home. Im still waiting for a psyc eval and maybe getting some medication to help with sleep, and or afhd.

Metal health: journaling, and keeping a day planner that incorportates aspects of gratitute and organising my goals really has helped my negative self thoughts. Im finding im more confident, focused and able to manage my emotions better.
- when i slip into a fantasy i ask myself what am i feeling right now. Often times its sad, or tired. This helps keeping grounded and fight the urges.
- counseling has been a key component as well. Its helping me gain confidence to talk to my wife about our relationship and explain why im not happy.
- i am feeling like a different person mentally. There is a lot of happyness and motivation associated with feeling like im in control most of the time.

Relationship: as stated before my wife and i were not and are still not well. Through fighting this addiction im realizing im not attracted to her in the ways i need to be to be in love. Its sad... we both struggle with but ive found im blamed and responsible for her happyness which shouldnt be the case. Were deciding to seperate in the short term. Hopefully the space us gain a better picture of our relationship as both of us right now are very unhappy. I see this as nothing but progress and we will both be better from it. Its sad but we cant keep being unfulfilled in our lives.

Its scary thinking about living on my own and fighting my addiction... but i think ive got the support and hopefully the stability to keep strong and fight. Its going to be a rough couple weeks until i move to my new place and get settled.

Either way glad im here and im so glad ive gone through this! Heres to 76 days.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Journal entry #1 - my struggle
« on: May 11, 2019, 01:52:53 AM »
Still going strong.

Been in counseling for myself, going to slaa to help with some of the awkwardness and to keep honest about my feelings.

Overall doing well. Just have to keep up with my coping strategies.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Journal entry #1 - my struggle
« on: May 03, 2019, 09:03:50 PM »
Its been a while, still sticking with my goals.

Ive noticed a lot about my triggers and started to map my negative thought patterns.

I feel sad because of something someone says, i internalize it, feel bad about myself and then act out. I become distant with my partner i dont focus on my health and i suffer.

Its been 67 days hardmode. Ive been focusing on my gratitide and just being okay with being myself. Everyday i grow more confident and more happy and focused on my own goals.

I'm still fighting though and i still struggle but the biophyisical responses are lessening and its awesome. Im finding it helpful to distance myself from my wife.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Old Habits Die (in) Hard(mode)
« on: April 27, 2019, 06:25:00 PM »
Great to read. I admire your commitment to your partner and to your goal.

Keep strong, youre doing everything right. Just focus on that meditation, yoga and pursuing things that make you happy.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Time for a change
« on: April 24, 2019, 09:07:17 PM »
Hey Change,

Keep with it. You're off to an awesome start and you'll find there will be those tough times. Just keep remembering that youre improving yourself.

Im in counseling for myself, with my partner and im also going to group meetings. If you can, use as many methods as hou can. A mixed approach helps best. I find this site is awesome but is tough when you really just need to call someone and talk.

Keep fighting the good fight!

Ages 30-39 / Re: Journal entry #1 - my struggle
« on: April 24, 2019, 09:00:07 PM »
Thanks for the advice. Thats a really helpful strategy.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Rich's 90 Days
« on: April 23, 2019, 07:29:24 PM »
Keep with it man, your story is one of struggle and what looks like triumph.

The hormonal effects are insane. Ive been there and am still there.

Keep with it man!

Ages 30-39 / Re: Journal entry #1 - my struggle
« on: April 23, 2019, 05:56:25 AM »
Im not counting days anymore.

Just working on healthy habits and a healthy life.

Its been really tough getting here. Relationship struggles, physical pain fighting withdrawl, so much personal development, lack of sleep... its all for the better. Its all for a better life for myself, my wife and my son.

I need to be present and buy into my life... to make sure i understand my needs... and can express them in a way tht doesnt make others feel bad. I dont do it in purpose... i try and talk about it... i really do try but it becomes so tough when im met with anger. Im just acting like me and im not sure what the right thing is to do but im just expressing myself...

Im okay with being me... i bought a gratitude journal to help reinforce that idea. I need to focus on my strengths and not crumple when I'm met with a fault.

Im a good person... what i do comes from a good place. Im just a little blinded by the addiction right now. I have to keep fighting and working on myself!

Ages 30-39 / Re: Journal entry #1 - my struggle
« on: April 19, 2019, 05:30:39 AM »
Hey everyone,

I have some questions about what happens when our reboot is done.

Im at day 53. Wooo!

The problem im having is how do i reintroduce sex into my life. I want to remain in my relationship and my wife and i are really hesitant starting a physical connection again.

I dont want to feel like were not connecting and i want to feel satisfied. Just wondering if anyone has any insights as to what they went through and any things that helped.

Thanks hope everyone is doing well.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Nearly a year free
« on: April 16, 2019, 07:21:27 PM »
Kind and helpful words. Thank you.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Age 30 PMOing since last 12 years
« on: April 14, 2019, 02:29:48 PM »
Good on you for undertaking this journey. Im in a similar boat and same age. Only im married and have a kid.

Goodluck and stay strong.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Orbiters Journal of Recovery
« on: April 13, 2019, 01:29:59 PM »
Thanks for sharing.

You can do it... we all deserve to believe in ourselves. Support is number 1!

Ages 30-39 / Re: Journal entry #1 - my struggle
« on: April 13, 2019, 03:45:48 AM »
Day 47

Thank you Kenny, Noaswe and jixu for the support!

Its been helpful to share my story here. The rollercoaster of emotional stress is always a struggle.

Trying to change a lifetime of unhealthy attitudes towards sex and women is incredibly difficult. Ive cutout facebook, and instagram. Im getting a counselor to help with the adhd. And im joining a sex and love addiction 12 step progran.

All of this is helping me become a better person and in turn fight ny addiction. Its a struggle... im not sure where my marriage will end up. But wherever it goes i think ill be happy.

Goodluck everyone. Im still staying strong.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Needing to Heal
« on: April 13, 2019, 03:24:17 AM »
As someone going through reboot at a similar time as you i can totally relate sentimenal_geek.

The flat line, the emotional turbulence, im there too. All i keep remembering is my sex life since i was 16 years old has been influenced by porn. My wife, now 7mo old.child are and the things ive desired are all a result of this sick need.

Im 30 now and im only just experiencing my adhd in its full capacity. I procrastinate, i cant focus, im always moving... its a lot to take in.

I just keep focusing on that goal of being in a relationship that makes me happy.

School is meant to be stressful... its a lot if work. can you find ways to be happy where you are and be proud of going 40+ days!? The physical pain is enough to stop anyone! I can relate...

Goodluck... we're here for you.

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