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Messages - Humpty

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Ages 40 and up / Re: 43 and want real sex
« on: April 22, 2019, 02:04:06 PM »

I've been taking magnesium and zinc supplements, taking a lot of cialis and viagra etc. Nothing works.
I get hard, sometimes really hard, but as soon as we start intercourse it goes. Occasionally, because of my no PMO I am able to recover it but for the most part it happens. It hurts both of us and effects both of our lives.
At this stage I'm actually regretting giving up porn because at least then we wasn't trying to have sex and therfore I wasn't hurting us both everytime.

If you read my history in my original post you'll see if been to the doctors years ago about it, had brain scans etc etc. Tried everything.

I'm at a loss tbh

Ages 40 and up / Re: 43 and want real sex
« on: April 22, 2019, 03:07:10 AM »
So, I'm about week 12 and despite some success I'm still having exactly the same problem I had all those years ago.
I still can't maintain an errection.

All stopping watching porn has done for me is made me need sex but for the most part I'm not able to perform and so hurt my wife.

I've come to the conclusion that my issue isn't with porn.
I clearly can't comment on everyone else's problem but I've got the same problem I had when I was 20.
I will get errect, start having sex and then my errection will disappear and I'm left with a noodle, an upset partner and a mentally destroyed self.

Ages 40 and up / Re: 43 and want real sex
« on: March 22, 2019, 07:36:24 AM »
Another semi successful PIV last night.

My errection turned to a noodle part way throu but somehow I managed to recover the situation and finish the job.
Once it when to noodle I found myself using my hand to support it and then fortunately I managed to recover.

Clearly it's all in my head and not a physical problem but it just shouldn't be like that.
It makes me so nervous everytime we just makes matters worse.

But, progress again so I shouldn't complain too much and I do feel that P was an instigator of all this 20+ years ago.
I'm taking cialis because without it I feel I am flatlined as well.

Just hoping that slowly and over time I make enough of a recovery and I am able to reverse some of the effects of my self abuse.

Ages 40 and up / Re: 43 and want real sex
« on: March 21, 2019, 09:22:17 AM »
So, I took a cialis yesterday in case my wife instigated anything and as I thought she did. It went well tbh
I was about 80% errect and although I nearly flopped mid way through I did manage to finish and she was really happy... As was I!
It was a massive relief tbh.

I genuinely don't know what causes my issue and I'm not entirely sure if it's P related but just stopping watching it after so many years was what gave me a huge urge to feel release and ultimately caused me to brave it out and see if I could make progress with my wife.

It's been hit and miss but had I have not stopped watching it I wouldn't have got anywhere so I'm that respect it has benefited me immensely.

I think that watching those images of such perfect and beautiful women do some of the things they do with such passion and desire... Well, they set a bar that my wife would never reach and so trying to achieve the same level of turn on is impossible.

As soon as her manual stimulation stops my errection vanashes in an instant. Even whilst having P in V ands really difficult to maintain and finish because my errection subsides until its just noodle.

I find myself looking and trying to wake myself up to what I am doing, how it feels and... Well, anything to push me over the edge and clearly it shouldn't be that way.
But, if taking cialis and starving myself for weeks at a time is what it takes then that's what I will have to do.
Hopefully as my confidence, and her confidence improves we will become a touch more relaxed, maybe a bit more edgy and expansive and that will help with the problem because straight up missionary is really difficult for me.
My wife's quiet large and so other positions are difficult and by the time we moved around my errection has gone and then I'm hit by the fear of failure again.

For today I'm happy, I'd very much like to have a couple more successes and that would make failure a bit easier to take knowing that for a fair portion of the time it should work out.
It makes you not want to try and that fear of failure detracts from a lot of the pleasure.

Anyway, I'll keep posting any progress but I just wanted to update because it was only 2 weeks ago I had suicidal thoughts enter my head I was in such distress with it.

Today is a good day and it's important I write these days as much as the bad days. It's important, at least to me, that I document progress as much as failure.

Ages 40 and up / Re: 43 and want real sex
« on: March 19, 2019, 05:49:13 AM »
Just to add.

I'm 5“7 and weigh about 12.7 stone so I'm not particularly over weight. I've done muay Thai for 20+ years and so recently it's been fairly infrequent I'm not a hugely unhealthy guy with a poor diet wondering why I'm having problems.
That said, I've taken on board what some people have said about exercise and been training a touch more frequent.

Ages 40 and up / Re: 43 and want real sex
« on: March 19, 2019, 05:38:40 AM »
Day 62.

Still no P. Obviously had semi successful sex with my wife a couple of times and then the disaster.

It's effected is both and we've gone back to how we were during the 7 years of no sex. Both kinda avoiding it, making excuses etc.

Day 50 I went out with friends, took drugs, had some alcohol and found myself browsing an escort site.
I've never been to an escort and prolly never will but Reading and finding the odd pic really set me off.
Took me about a week to shake it off and I was really down during this time. I wanted sex with my wife but fear of failure stopped me.
I didn't browse any porn site and didn't M or O and I'm still abstaining but it really effected me.

My wife is wanting to try again, she's not saying it and I can tell she's waiting for me to make an attempt but I don't feel like I could maintain an errection if I tried.
I've got both cialis and viagra but it didn't really help previously and I don't think it would make a huge difference again.
I do feel like I would like sex... A little, not a flatlined per say but I'm fairly sure I would fail and really hurt my wife.
She's desperate for another baby and even if it was really poor semi-limp sex (as was with previous) she would be happy with a tiny bit of progress.

When I was around 5 weeks with no PMO (not even my wife) it got to a point where I couldn't sustain it and that's what really boosted my wife's (and mine) confidence and we had a week of progress with some sex thrown in.

So, I'm kinda torn. I could try and hope I get some degree of success or I could sit tight and wait to see if that desperate state comes back in a few weeks.

I really want to try and I know she does too but fear of failure is really bad.

I'm tempted to tak a cialis when I get home. I'm on a gaming night with some friends which will finish about 11pm.then get into bed and see how i feel.

Do I try to instigate something, do I try to pleasure her and see if I get hard, do I leave it... All these questions I just don't know the answer to.

People on here seem to try to stay away from anything which provokes a strong reaction and yet I'd love to see/do something which would make my cock erect.
But I know if I look at porn my errection would die the instant I turned it off (and even then it would prob only be a marginal errection) and turned my attention to my wife so that's definitely a no go.

She tried to give me oral in our last attempted just Iver two weeks ago and that failed. How can I not get errect given that circumstance!

Im writing a lot of this out of order and its probably more of me rambling tbh but it's just the way my brain is putting the thoughts together. I really though by nearly 60 days I would be making progress but tbh I feel no different to when I started and a million miles from where I was at week 5.

Part of me wishes I hadn't tried to recover because I feel like I may have given her false hope..and myself false hope but I'm more concerned about her feelings than anything else.

But, I can't change what I did and to be honest, having a bit of proper sex and feeling so close to my wife for the first time in 13 years was electrifying and I just wish I could get it back.

Ages 40 and up / Re: 43 and want real sex
« on: March 07, 2019, 04:01:38 PM »
Feel like I've flatlined now.
My sex drive seemed to go mental for two weeks, was making progress and then after several semi successful attempts with my wife I hit a failure.
Like a tortoise retreats into his shell, my errection seems to have retreated and I've flatlined

No MO since mo days disaster and no PMO for around 7.5 weeks.

Ages 40 and up / Re: 43 and want real sex
« on: March 05, 2019, 05:05:15 PM »

I just don't know where I go from here at all.

I don't know the cause or the cure.

I will touch my wife's skin and get an instant errection but as soon as i stop or she stops it instantly fails.

Totally lost with it all and remember why I was in the place I am in.

Ages 40 and up / Re: 43 and want real sex
« on: March 04, 2019, 04:17:34 PM »
Still no porn.

Saturday night I took the viagra and couldn't get hard. The wife didn't know. I was trying to stiffen him up in the toilet and nearly came whilst limp.
I put it down to not in the mood and managed to avoid the situation.

Tonight my wife tried to give me PIM but I wasn't hard. She tried to help me but in the end had to stop as he was limp.

Really gutted tbh. Thought I was making progress but after 7 weeks without porn it's still the same as it always was, even with viagra and cialis.
Fairly distraught.

I've said we'll give it a couple of weeks to try and work myself into the desperate state I was in a few weeks back and see if that helps but surely, mid PIM I should be able to get errect. Surely I shouldn't have to wait months in between sex and be in such a desperate state. Its just not normal.

Apart from waiting a few weeks to try again I feel like I'm out of options now. I don't even think about porn anymore.
I used to have such regular sex when I was in my early 20's.
At 43 I can't believe for reasons unknown to doctors etc that my sex life has ended.

Ages 40 and up / Re: 43 and want real sex
« on: February 28, 2019, 05:28:44 AM »
Day 43

My wife instigated sex again last night.
Marginally better than the previous night but it was still very nearly a flop - no pun intended. After some effort I manage to O but for the main part I was prolly about 60% even with Cialis.
As soon as she manually stops stimulating me my errection dies. It took a huge effort and felt like I really had to concentrate to finish the job.

Then at bed time we tried again and I failed. After 6 or 7 years with literally only PMO I was obviously running before I could walk and so that didn't concern me too much.

It's how quickly he goes limp from full errect that bothers me as this is how it has always been hence why I've never really bothered fixing the issue with my wife.

I'm sticking with the no PM though, I'm not going back but it's a real concern. I'm just not convinced that it's because of the porn and there isn't another reason, maybe I'm just not capable.

I'm going to order viagra instead or cialis and see if that makes any difference. I'd happily take viagra before every action if I thought it would make a difference.

Also going to try and wait a few days before we try again. I'd actually wait longer but waiting weeks in between an O seems excessive and doesn't seem normal to me.

Ages 40 and up / Re: 43 and want real sex
« on: February 26, 2019, 07:11:48 PM »
So, had my cialis and nothing seemed to happen right until I made physical contact at which point I was about 90% erect for a prolonged period of time. I was fairly happy with myself.
At this point I could have bailed but because everything seemed to be working I continued on.

It was ok but as soon as i started to manouver into position he pretty much died. Was at about 40%.
I struggled on and it picked up a bit to around 70% for about 30 seconds before I O'd.

The wife seemed OK that progress was made and was fairly optimistic but it was a poor show by all accounts and almost catastrophic. She clearly couldn't even feel that there was anything there for the short period of time it lasted.

This is how it has always been. I'm not really sure if I see any progress now than I did 5 years ago but it's only day 41.

Maybe I just don't find her attractive anymore. It happened with previous women but not as bad. Maybe it's age.

I bought the 20mg tadifil. Would proper viagra be any better?
Has anyone tried a variety of products and found some better than others?

I once had some Thai sachet that a friend gave me to try and that produced the best results.

Am I every going to get passed this. Is it even PIED? All questions that are going round my head.

I'm not going back to porn no matter what but after all these years avoiding sex I'm now remembering the reason why. Fortunately it wasn't a total disaster but it has to get better than this.

Ages 40 and up / Re: 43 and want real sex
« on: February 26, 2019, 08:00:44 AM »
Day 41.

No desire to watch porn. Genuinely feel like it's not bothering me.
I really like porn but I'd just like to have a normal sex life, especially considering my wife has shown an interest in fixing it too.

Since the PIM on day 38 I've been fine too. It had gotten difficult to concentrate at work but that really helped.

My cialis arrived today.
Tempted to wait a few weeks of no O to increase the chances of success but on the other hand I don't want to turn my wife away if she instigates it as that would shatter her confidence once again.
I really need it to work first time and take it from there.
I've taken this before with varying degrees of success but hoping the zero porn will have helped my brain/loins expectations return to normal and I will be able to maintain an errection.

I've gotten myself into a right mess of poor confidence, PIED and my wife's confidence and self worth too.

I'm hoping no porn fixes my problem because I'm not convinced tbh but then again I've never known anything except a lot of porn in my life so I've no real experience of what is normal.

I had a good sex life in my youth but even back then it was littered with bouts of ED which steadily got worse.

Anyway, on wards and hopefully upwards!

Ages 40 and up / Re: Reboot take two
« on: February 23, 2019, 06:26:36 PM »
Is strange how it effected us all differently and how we all have different opinions on it but essentially all want the same.

I never felt guilty about porn, I really enjoyed it and I really miss it (day 38) but I only just realised a couple of months ago that it's why I have had PIED for as long as I can remember. (20+ years)

It's caused the girls I've been with (and my current wife) so much pain and hurt without me realising.

Stay strong.

Ages 40 and up / Re: 43 and want real sex
« on: February 23, 2019, 10:43:29 AM »
Day 38.

Couldnt really focus yesterday. Everything I looked at made me think of PMO and it became really difficult.

Was sat with my wife and she became frisky. Thank the lord she gave me PIM and I O'd.
Hardness wise I felt about a 7 or 8. I'm not sure if she had stopped if I would have instantly become limp again. I'm not sure if during the time it would have taken for me to position myself for PIV if I would have just lost it but, in one way fortunately she was happy just releasing me despite me offering to try.
She was really happy that she was able to do something g as the last attempt maybe 4 or 5 years ago was a total failure.

She was so encouraged and enthused that it was a success that she did it again without prompting an hour later.

This time I really struggled and had to focus. She nearly abandoned it but I managed in the end. I wish I could have seen how hard I was because it was tough to tell but I'm guessing a 6. I absolutely would have failed at PIV at this point which is the ultimate aim and whole purpose of going through this.

She's really optimistic but I'd prefer to let it build for a couple of weeks now, I've ordered some Cialis and then I can maybe try PIV.

On the other hand I'm not sure if I should have continued to abstain longer or if PIM is OK but I honestly don't know how much longer I could have carried on like that.
It was getting to a point where I couldn't work or concentrate on anything as the need for a release was just getting too strong and I was struggling to cope.

This morning she had done her hair for me and smiling at me more. When I think where our relationship was a month ago I'm praying that I can continue to make progress because this journey could have remade me.

I'm no where near being cured whatsoever and I'm still struggling with the thought of what happens next time, can I do it? was it just because after PMO for so so long and then stopping for 37 days the build up was so so much? ... I don't know but what I do know is that a little progress was made and our relationship has improved as a result.

I'll continue to post my journey and hope to god its not a one off. Still feel like I'm searching for a miracle because I've never know a normal sex life.

Thanks all

Ages 40 and up / Re: 43 and want real sex
« on: February 22, 2019, 07:22:44 AM »
Day 37

Getting really aroused really easily at the moment. Everthing I see and do makes me think of sex.
My missus has noticed I'm more attentive (but no sex yet) althou I'm still not convinced I could perform.

I was cuddled up to her last night in bed, she was reading a book and I'm fairly sure she would have responded had I have had the courage to instigate sex but I didn't want to fail and so just went to sleep.
Woke up in the night with a massive stiff. Normally when I get morning wood I really need a pee and it goes shortly after but this time I didn't need the toilet and was just hard.
Instantly thought went to sex and I struggled to put it out of my mind and goto sleep. Thought I would just ejaculate but thankfully fell asleep.

I think I'm going to order some cialis (is tadifil the same as its much cheaper and the website says its the same but unbranded), take it on a Friday night and then it gives me 36 hours to try to see what happens and maybe build up some courage.
What I'd like to happen is to be sat next to her on the Saturday night with a massive sustained boner that she couldn't ignore.
If I can just perform once as a start and know it would be the catalist to move forward in the journey.

I can't ever envision me going back to porn and if I can get even semi regular sex then I'd be happy to stay off the M forever too.
My wife was always quiet sexual but I ruined it and destroyed her confidence at the same time.

If the first time I try it works I just know we will be fine and it will snowball.
I'm praying the PMO is the cause of all these problems and I can eventually return to normal.
It's been so long with me watching porn - almost my whole adult life - that I don't even know what normal is tbh but I'm so so excited to find out.

Thanks again.

Ages 40 and up / Re: 43 and want real sex
« on: February 21, 2019, 11:16:53 AM »

Thanks for the reply.

Some people on here seem to have really bad symptoms and behaviour issues, I don't. In fact, I was quiet happy as I was but then one day, 35 days ago, I just decided I wanted to have proper sex and stumbled across this and another website so decided to stop and see if it made a difference.
I'm not massively hopeful tbh but if I don't try then I'll never know.

Anyway, day 36 now and sometimes I get so aroused that I feel like without getting hard I'll just cum in my trousers. I have to distract myself and think of something else.
And that's a concern, someone shown me a pic of a beautiful women today and I had to switch off and distract myself. I'm concerned that come the big day, when my missus makes a move, I will just simply ejaculate without actually getting hard. I can only hope, pray and abstain.

The prob with viagra is that you have to plan ahead as opposed to let it happen naturally. I'm kinda figuring we'll be sat watching a film at some point and she will let her hand wander and hopefully everything will work.
I'm not sure if there are any tablets or medication I could take on a regular basis 'just in case'. I'm open to suggestions though.

I'm doing the only thing I can do and that's just not go back and stick with it.

I'm trying to stop smoking, eating a little healthier and doing a bit of running in the gym in the hope that it will all help.

Anyway, I'll keep updating and hopefully the years of neglect and self abuse is reversable. Time will tell.

Thanks for reading and help.


There's a test for PIED?
What's the test?

Many thanks

Ages 40 and up / 43 and want real sex
« on: February 20, 2019, 06:04:47 PM »

I'm 43, have a lovely wife but have been watching porn since I was about 20. Its caused me issues over the year maintaining an errection but I met my wife 14 years ago and have managed proper sex with her maybe 15 times; the last being about 7 years ago.

She puts up with it, it caused issues at first and I went to the doctor, had tests, creams, scans, viagra (and a selection of other viagra type meds) and nothing really worked... Not really.
I often get an errection in the mornings and so the doc said nothing was physically wrong with me and deep down I think I always knew what the real problem was. I think it must be the insane amount of porn I watch. Fairly extreme stuff off pornhub etc.

Im desperate to get my sex life back. Absolutely desperate. After years of not being fussed and now want to fix it. I dunno if I can at 43 and after so many years.

So, I'm on my reboot. I'm upto week 5 today.
No porn not masturbation, not a single pic.
I've tried hard not to even think about it but that's been tough because as you can imagine, I really want sex by now.

My wife knows I'm on my journey, she's quiet excited by the prospect and having a sexual relationship with me.

I'm so worried that she will eventually build up the courage to instigate something with me and it will be the same and just smash any shred of confidence she has....we have.

It does feel different. I feel like I will be able to get an errection but I'm obviously trying to not test it out myself and due to the years and years of neglect I need to wait until she is ready and then have my fingers crossed.

Worries me that I'll be ridiculously aroused and yet still not manage to perform... Or even get errect. I'm worried I might just have a limp ejaculation... But I do feel better and more confident. I suppose I'm just fearing the worst.

How long should I wait?

Heres to praying and hoping. Week 5!

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