Show Posts

This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.

Messages - Joost!

Pages: [1] 2 3
Now that I am older, with ~20 or so years of PMO, I feel like there is hope. Because I have finally figured it out... stay away from PMO and healing takes place. I am confident that abstaining for 30-90 days will change everything, as long as I can continue to stay away.

I don't mean to take away your hope, but that's not how it works. Simply abstaining for an x-amount of days isn't going to heal you. Yes, maybe there'll be some physical improvements, but on the inside you'd still be the same man, spiritually speaking.

Man, God created you for a particular reason and with this addiction your sidestepping it. You might not remember who you are, or maybe no one has ever told you, that there is a very specific reason that you're alive and you thought the real you wasn't good enough. Without knowing you, I can tell you, the real you IS good enough. Matter of fact you are fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of God. But the only way you can be redeemed to that 'state of being is through Jesus Christ. If you believe it, call upon Him. He'll answer.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Metanoia, a journey of faith
« on: May 28, 2020, 01:22:00 PM »
Halleluja. I marked my facebook-account for removal. Those cooks dont give you the option for direct removal for obvious reasons; so you get suckered back in! (day 1)

Anyway. I believe my last relapse was a week ago. It took me almost a week to get myself up out of bed again.
Today I woke up early, but I feel generally exhausted and i'm dealing with this intense pressure in my frontal lobe. It's pretty much like that everyday.
I wonder if anyone else has the same frontal lobe pressure when waking up in the morning?

I'm pretty much confident in saying we can never go back to the old. Especially not as a believer. It's like, hey, you just got eternal life through Christ and then you turn around to step back into the grave. That doesn't work. Not for a believer, but also not for a unbeliever who wants to be free from addiction. You can't stick to the old habits, old environments etcetera. For many this means they'll have to turn their back on the cyberworld all-together. Get real. Christ is.

In the next post I'll speak a few words about what 'addiction' is, looking at it from an etymological perspective.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Metanoia, a journey of faith
« on: May 11, 2020, 11:40:10 AM »
Writing a follow-up post considering to continue this journal.

Honestly, when I read the posts I made, I feel I was in a stronger condition at the time. I had no interest whatsoever returning to the cesspool of pornography, which I can't say with the same conviction right now.

Maybe my former posts are useful to someone here, so i'm giving this a bump.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Metanoia, a journey of faith
« on: May 27, 2019, 07:57:24 AM »
Abstaining isn't recovery.
What's the point being 'clean' for several months when you haven't changed your life values? You'll just end up going down the same destructive route again sooner or later.

Here are some of the negative values that made up my character while being an addict:


They all fed into the stronghold called addiction and without replacing them with some healthy life values that 'building' is still standing somewhere in me.
The Recovery Nation Workshop works with pro-active action plans instead of simply abstaining. The goal is to actively commit to plans which strengthen positive values.
This will create a structural backbone in your life, so in times of hardship you won't have to rely on your old values. I recommend it to anyone taking this serious.

Then on here I see those who want to quit porn to get laid more often. The level of self-deception is high in that one. 'Getting' woman will never make you feel more of a man.
Unless you consider Hugh Hefner the epitome of manliness.
I see people pridefully talk about their sexual encounters with women, reminiscing those days, not realizing this hook-up lifestyle is the very reason they have become slaves to the porn.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Project Zero
« on: May 24, 2019, 03:08:22 PM »
Do you happen to have any spiritual practices you use regularly to help with temptation?

Honestly I don't use any spiritual practices. The temptation to watch porn or see woman in a lustful way is barely there. The battle of the flesh is already won by Christ, the more we submit to that truth, the more we take part in it. That's how I understand and experience it. Before I rededicated my life and body to Jesus, I tried all sorts of occult tricks to gain willpower against temptation. This made me prideful since I now felt in control over my sex drive after 5 years of hardcore addiction. I can only say i'm happy the Lord showed me I had to give up control and let Him. Since then He has been renewing my mind and the desires of my heart, away from ritualistic thinking towards true freedom and the love of God.

It was cool to read about your victory last night. The extreme reaction of the body to your pornographic thoughts shows how the flesh is tied and aligned to these worldly desires. The danger is in trying to fight these urges in the flesh. Ephesians 6:11-12 tells us: Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
We are called to walk in spirit following Christ who went ahead of us as the firstborn. Only then we stand a chance against the demonic principles that rule the earthbound flesh. I hope that rings a bell of truth in you.

My latest post in my journal might be interesting to you as well.

God Bless, and if you'd tell me your name I'd take you into my prayers. It saddens me to see people in the clutches of lust.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Project Zero
« on: May 23, 2019, 03:37:22 PM »
Hi there,

Jesus Christ has come in the flesh to overcome it. As a believer you are free to ask for his Holy Spirit so your human spirit will be led, to overcome the lust of the flesh. You might know Paul writes followers of Jesus are to submit their bodies as a living sacrifice into serving our King. Watching porn and masturbating you are using your body for all kinds of demonic filth debasing other human beings made in His image with your eyes and imagination.
Our 'natural drive' to have sex is actually a left-over of the fallen creation. In Christ you can fully overcome it by the same power through which He rose from the grave. Many guys don't want to fully give up the lust for the female body, so they'll stay a slave to this annoying itch. What they don't realize is that God gives us completely new desires that are in alignment with His glorious nature. The freedom He wants to give us are beyond our imagination. All it takes is a wholehearted committed decision on our part.

I wish you insight into this matter. The truth will set you free. And Jesus is that truth embodied.

Ages 20-29 / Re: I am a Stone
« on: May 15, 2019, 02:49:15 AM »
Since you're familiar with the word of God i'm going to put this out here.

"For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. (Romans 7: 18-19)

For me this pretty much sums up my whole struggle with pornography. If you read carefully it states that good doesn't dwell in our sinful (fallen) nature. Yet the desire to do good is somehow there in you and all of us. The problem is our broken nature. And as you likely know that's what Jesus came to amend, so now every human has the choice to be renewed in his (spiritual) nature through the belief in Jesus Christ. ;)

You probably have heard it all since your from a strict religious background. Yet the good message remains the same. You can absolutely be set free from bondage, find a good wive and have a joyful satisfying relationship. Don't get caught up in the lies of the world. The promise of (will)power over the self is seductive, but seeking power without God is a foolish attempt.

One little book that greatly helped me be victorious over my addict life is: "Freedom from Addiction" by Neil T. Anderson and Mike Quarles. It's nothing flashy but it will put you face to face with the reality of this life. So if you're up to that, go read it. I didn't want to read it at first since my 'religious' dad handed it to me, but now i'm very grateful that he did, for it came at the right time at the right moment and provided the spiritual breakthrough I needed.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Metanoia, a journey of faith
« on: May 15, 2019, 02:11:48 AM »
May 15, 2019

In this post I want to make the argument that porn (etymological meaning: prostitution), masturbation and all forms of sexual lust are idolatrous practices that lead to death.
Most of us start out with masturbation. We hold an image in our mind of another human being and use it for what is pure self-gratification. This is where the trouble starts.
The taking of living being created in the light of God and reduce it to a mental fantasy for our own sexual pleasure. It's egoistic and a form of idol worship.
Basically while masturbating you worship the body and/or personality of that human being in the false hope of it bringing you happiness.
An (mental) image obviously never can bring you true happiness, for it's just a shadow of the actual human being.

Now to watching porn (prostitution) and having casual sex out of lust.
In the latter there is human contact, but it's lacking love and thus again the gratification sought by both persons is selfish.
The 'love' of self is not the love of God.
And where the one leads away from a life with God, logically resulting in death,
the other is the realization that God is love and as long as live is lived through the love of God, it's an eternal life.
For God is eternal.

In no way I want to condemn anyone. We have all fallen short when it comes to loving God, listening to His voice and doing His word.
Blessed with a rich imagination I've misused my mind in countless ways as I was a slave of my lust.
When Jesus was asked what the most important commandment in Gods Law was he answered the following:
"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment.
And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the prophets hang on these two commandments.”

Let's put the second commandment next to the practice of masturbation or watching porn.
Are you loving that girl who's images you masturbate to by having reduced her to a mere fragment of who she really is?
Would you want to be reduced to an object of someone else's pleasure?
Love isn't unhealthy fixation.
Love gives more than it takes.
Love first looks to God and asks for His guidance, for we weren't created to live by ourselves.

Have a blessed day.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Metanoia, a journey of faith
« on: May 11, 2019, 02:47:34 PM »
Mai 11, 2019

It's been almost a month since the last relapse. I haven't had any desires to watch porn.
One night I almost gave in to tempting thoughts of fantasy, but I got corrected in mind and spirit. I went to sleep and that night I was attacked by something in my dream.
It has been said this is a battle in the mind and there's a lot of weight to that.
Ever since I got out of occult practice and the darkness of lust was shown to me in Gods light, I've been battling disturbing thoughts.
'Random' pervertedness trying to get me to lose concentration when reading. Convicting thoughts. All kinds of demonic poison.
It's the ancient liar, trying to pull me back into the dark. 

Truth is and stays that Jesus is King and I've submitted my life to Him.
With that assurance I finally can rest after a decade of 'soul-searching.'
It might take time to break down all the treacherous thought patterns but I have trust in that God will renew my mind.

Again I'm going to say, don't fool yourselves guys. A life guided by the desires of the flesh isn't worth it.
Gods Holy Spirit is available for those who chose to repent from their selfish ways. It's turning back to what you once all longed for.
Try to see past your religious programming. This is about being the man you are meant to be in Gods divine light, instead of conforming yourself to the standards of society.
This is about true freedom, love and peace. This is about the children of wrath becoming children of light. Take it from someone who was deeply embedded in darkness.

Might have to write a testimony sometime :D

Ages 30-39 / Re: Metanoia, a journey of faith
« on: May 06, 2019, 04:18:33 PM »
May 6, 2019
The Spirit, the flesh

Take heed my fellow sufferers. I'm talking to those who hate their own behavior.
Those who realize they are slaves to their flesh. You are called to be free.
God knows your weakness and knows its the strength of his Holy Spirit you need to resist temptation.
If you live according to the desires of the flesh, you'll die spiritually.
For the flesh alone can not know God and all its attempts to get closer to Him are futile. 
You masturbate and feel empty. You have sex and feel disconnection again.
You think this is life?
Seems a rather cruel pointless thing.

Maybe some of you were like me.
You've heard the stories about Jesus when you were young and thought "hell no, if I submit to Him I can't do all these fun things."
I was like that. I had experienced God's love but chose to follow my own nature. So what's God to do?
He loves His creation, so He let's us free. Now seriously, think a minute about that. That's love.
He isn't going going to grab your hand and forcefully pull you towards Him.
He longs for you to discover your true heritage. He made us with a spirit.
That's what we live through, even though many are either numb or blinded spiritually.
We are taught to take care of our bodies, maybe our brains, but what about our spirit?
Who gave it to you? Do you nurture it?
Do you listen to it as you listen to the signals of your stomach?

I know I don't do that nearly enough.
There's so much distraction nowadays, I get confused.
But I know Jesus is there for us amidst all of the noise. Amidst all of the hissing snakes.
He comes in the spirit of His Father and brings incredible peace. A peace that's not of this world.
A peace in which you feel totally covered and there's absolutely no need for anything. No chase, no restless tension.
 An eternal peace for the weary soul.
I'm thankful for having experienced it, but it's so easy to forget.
It's so easy to get trapped in the old patterns again.
To live according to the standards of the flesh instead of living by His gentle lead.
Please Lord Jesus, light the way for me, so I can see clearly again.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Metanoia, a journey of faith
« on: May 02, 2019, 02:53:13 AM »
May 2, 2019

"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.
He was with God in the beginning. Through Him all things were made, and without Him nothing was made that has been made.
In Him was life, and that life was the light of men. The Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it."
  [Gospel of John]

The greek term used for 'Word' is Logos. A well known philosophical term in the days John wrote these verses.
The Logos in Greek thought was seen as some divine principal order, from which all life that is, originated, lives through and will return to.
John identifies Jesus Christ as the Logos made flesh. The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us... [John 1:14]
In contradiction to Greek thinking the Logos wasn't just an impersonal overarching principal. No, it was a man, known as Jesus Christ.
And we all know what happened to him. The world rejected the perfect blameless Son of God and put him to death.
Yet, because sin wasn't found in him, he was immediately resurrected by the spirit of the eternal Father (God) and appeared to those disciples that did believe in him, in heavenly form.
Now He lives and rules over us as the only righteous king.

Now enter the modern world we find ourselves in.
Instead of submitting our fragile lives to the living Logos of God we either live according to the standards of our flesh or let our minds be dictated by the increasingly aggressive A.I. structures.
Where Jesus is alive, A.I. is a cold intellect computing system. It's a dead 'thing', mimicking life.
Where Jesus promises eternal life to those who believe in him and submit to his divine guidance, A.I. promises us 'eternal life' by hooking our minds into a lifeless computing matrix in which we can be our own gods without having to report back to the One who birthed life.   

We are sinners in need of righteous King. A righteous King is one that acts out of love for his people.
Who judges fairly yet forgives our transgressions when we repent. You won't find that King within this world.
My Kingdom is not of this world, Jesus said. But of the world to come. And it is that world that I long for.
But it takes action on our part as well. It all starts by realizing we're not sufficiently strong to overcome sin within our own power.
This we all have experienced time and time again in this battle against the sexual desires of the flesh.
Ask the one who took all sin of the world upon him despite being sinless for help in your struggle.
In His eternal righteousness He already knows your heart and is willing to transform it from darkness into the Light, which is Himself.
Than you'll know he loves you, despite having transgressed His eternal law. For he knows you are weak.
And it's within that weakness you'll find strength within Him.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Into the Fray: waking from my daymare
« on: April 23, 2019, 01:31:11 AM »
Hey man,

Feel welcome. Getting some stuff of your chest writing it down might help getting some overview in your chaos.
Right now you're overthinking from an extremely anxious state of being.
It's not entirely clear to me why exactly this happens when we lay off porn, but one explanation which makes sense to me is the following one.
To put it simple: porn functioned as a medication. Presumably to numb in your case. As it was for me.  And it did that highly effective.
So yes, when I stopped using it I suffered the same consequences; extremely moody, anxious in company, like constantly being on the lookout for danger.
Realize that when you edge to porn in a lust-driven chase you're stimulating the sympathetic branch of the nervous system and basically shutting down the parasympathetic (relaxation) side.
The sexual high numbs your pain and 'social issues.' And evidently these come back to the surface when the high wears of, while attempting to quit.
You're placed back into the reality of your existence.

Now on how to deal with this, i'm not sure to say what's wise.
I'd suggest a lot of rest and relaxation, even when it's hard. You're in need of recovery and that takes time. So patience has to become your friend.
Your thoughts are likely pushing you to rush things, telling you to do this or do that. But, your abused senses are in need of rest.
For the same reason I'd suggest against spending much time online.
Another thing that would be very constructive at this point, is some loving real-life support.
Last, but definitely not least; pray. Speak with God, if you can find the belief to do so.
From experience I know He hears our call and if we're genuinely looking for a relationship with Him, He'll get in touch with you. God is good.

Patience dude, it gets better if you really desire to part from porn.

Ages 30-39 / Re: 35 - Virgin - Depressed - PIED? PLEASE HELP ME!
« on: April 20, 2019, 07:33:06 AM »
Dude, you're made in the image of God. Do you realize what that means?

Right now you're living your life in your own image. And for some reasons it's a pretty damn (excuse the word) depressing perspective you're holding yourself against.
Of course there is hope of full recovery for you. As there is for all of us. But how are you going to go up against this distorted self-image?

Look, I don't know you. I basically just read your last and your first journal entry and I get the image of someone down in the darkness of depression.
This is what you state in your posts and comes through in the way you speak about yourself. Don't you know that God wants to uplift those that are burdened by life?
God doesn't see you in the false light you see yourself in. He wants you to turn your back on sexual sin and towards His Glory. The glory as it is manifested in the life and resurrection of Jesus Christ. That's your hope right there.
I know you mentioned you came from a mild religious upbringing and are now an atheist, but know that the word of God (the Logos) is written into your heart. There's no escaping it.

[Gospel of John]
"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.
He was with God in the beginning. Through Him all things were made, and without Him nothing was made that has been made.
In Him was life, and that life was the light of men. The Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it."   

"The true Light who gives light to every man was coming into the world.
He was in the world, and though the world was made through Him, the world did not recognize Him.
He came to His own, and His own did not receive Him.
But to all who did receive Him, to those who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God.
Children born not of blood, nor of the desire or will of man, but born of God."

God loves his children for we are made in his light.
I know what it's like to struggle with life. To hate the world out there. Not being able to live up against societal expectations. To be utterly lifeless and depressed. To be jobless and without perspective. To feel ashamed as a man. To see yourself as emasculated and weak. And I still struggle with these things, yet I also know that my own perspective has proven itself to be false time and time again. It's as unreliable as the wisdom of this world. All of it, can't stand against the tides of time and certainly not against the eternal presence of God.

God is beyond space and time. Omnipresent, omnipotent and omniscience. He sees wherever we go faulty ways, he knows that we are in the grips of our own lies, yet he doesn't want to punish us for not walking in truth, for he realizes we are still like children. So He offers us love and guidance through his living word, Jesus Christ, granting us eternal life with Him, right here, right now.
Do you realize how amazing?

Ages 20-29 / Re: The Journey to take back my life
« on: April 17, 2019, 01:49:33 AM »
Hey man, I just came across your post.
First of all I want to say don't beat yourself up too much about these thoughts, but then again I know it's pretty frustrating to get such thoughts when it's having such an impact on your bodily functioning. One thing that might help gain further understanding into the problem is: 'your' thoughts aren't YOUR thoughts. They don't define YOU! You can't claim them, they come and go like clouds forming and passing by in the sky, who knows what their source is. What I try to do when I have thoughts  that bother me is hold them against the light of God for further examination.

[...I feel like of allowing myself to be tempted by thinking about girls and porn and stuff and then saying stop don’t think that. I feel like I know what I’m doing and it’s not good.

This is a good realization and assessment of the situation on your part. You are giving these thought-clouds space to expand in your awareness because on one hand, it's giving you something; pleasurable escape/distraction from reality. On the other hand you know it's not leading to anything good. Hence you find yourself in this mental and then physical struggle.
The problem is rooted in lust and porn/modern culture presents woman as these objects to lust after endlessly, without it ever leading to true satisfaction. Just think about this for a moment. This is what lust is about. You eat and eat, but you don't get a feeling of satisfaction, so you keep on eating and the more you eat, the more voracious your appetite becomes because still there is no feeling of satiation. And at some point your stomach starts to hurt and you get cramps and what was made to be pleasurable and satisfactory now has become a pain. It's no much different with our sexual desires.
I believe sex is something beautiful if under love. If not, that same sexual itch will become a hellish rash that will take over and ruin your life. So in conclusion I'd put it like this: The desire to be intimate with a woman is good and something God has intended for us. But if we fuel that desire with perverted images, it's like pouring mud into a container with clear water. Once pure of sexual nature, we become filthy and we can't see the other sexe in the pure light of God anymore.

Hopefully my reply can help you in some way. And again don't beat yourself up. God knows your struggling and sees you heart in all things. If you seek His help with this He is able to restore you and give you new appetites that will bring satisfaction to life.  ;)

My bad, I just read in your opening post that you are in love and married. So some parts of my post are probably not relevant to your situation. Excusez moi.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Metanoia
« on: April 15, 2019, 04:14:30 AM »
April 15, 2019

Last friday I was overcome by temptation and gave in.
The flesh can't overcome its own desires.
That is why Christ calls all men to die to Self.
Our carnal desires are to be crucified with Him, so we can be reborn in spirit and receive new appetites.
This is the process of metanoia.
It's a recognition of the corrupted nature of ... well nature.
A turning away from our own wicked mental schemes and a deliverance unto God.
It's saying: "I can't do it, please lead me in your perfected ways."
Needless to say this asks for us to lay off pride.

My desires still burn for a girl. I had set my mind on her possessively, yet I claimed love.
My inner nature was torn apart by not being able to have what I wanted.
My mind corrupted by the images of porn.
My heart closed off like foreign territory.
I still love what you did to me.
How you changed me by simply being true.
No mask of deception.

Only God could bring us together.
My schemes have proved themselves false.

I can't let these desires burn on
Uncrucified lusts of the flesh
I wanted your body, mind and soul
but more than that my spirits rest.

I liked you, I loved you, I lost you and went insane
Pride brought me before the devil
I tried to play his mental game
But as it is, it's foolishness, to trick or treat that ancient snake
He wrapped me in his hollow hurt, his weeping was a lie

I danced in flames, refused to cry, my sorrow black as tar
A hellish dance, I chose to lie and bottled up my heart

"Now, cometh as you are, my weary child"
a gentle voice said from afar.
I took His hand
the Prince of Peace, the One who guides me home.
I live by Faith, i'm saved by Grace, not-a-thousand rosary's
can add to what's already done
by Gods eternal Son.

Hey man.
I can relate in some of your struggles like sleep paralysis, horrific, violent dreams and paranormal activity. Out of desperation I got involved in dark magic practices to gain the (will)power to overcome this addiction. Needless to say it only got worse. Lust comes straight out of the pits of hell. Its an insatiable hunger. But in Christ we have the promise of new appetites.

Have a look in my journal if you like:

I'll keep an eye on yours.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Quest for Innocence
« on: April 09, 2019, 04:21:03 PM »
April 9, 2019


Just checking in for today.
I can't remember my last relapse which is great.
Upon opening the browser I was slightly tempted to watch some nudity, but given it deeper thought it seems absurd.
What gives me the justification to arouse myself using the images of some one's body? I'm mildly repulsed.
Not too long ago it was normality for me to do so, but all is different now.
Sure, I can still be tempted by the attractiveness and charm of women, but my heart longs for a woman who is modest, loves God and has her mind on family.
Porn is the antithesis of those things.
It leads to gluttony, it spits on the image of God and it destroys families.

Besides all that, i'm enjoying the fact that I can get stuff done successfully, no longer suffer from brain fog.
Here and there my mind freezes, but it's far from the total neurological apathy I was in 5 years ago due to constant porn consumption.

Get real guys. If you're addicted to this evil, you're in a spiritual battle.
The lusts of the flesh are a result of the fallen creation we find ourselves in.
Seek the Kingdom of God and if you do with all your heart, you can be sure Christ will open your eyes and guide you through the healing of your broken spirit.
 You'll be amazed of how your world will change for the better.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Quest for Innocence
« on: April 04, 2019, 02:13:05 PM »
April 4, 2019

Memories they haunt me, they follow me...
I suffer from a vague sleep disorder ever since I seriously made progress in giving up this crutch named porn.
Thats about three years of waking up exhausted, mildly paralysed, mentally gripped.
Some nights it felt like I had fought with a bear.
Often I wake up more tired than when I went to sleep.
A good nights rest I consider a luxury. Still im struggling at night.
For years I’d spent the nighttime hunting girls in the cyber arena.
When in the morning It hadn’t worked out I resorted to porn and soon after fell asleep while the birds started chirping.
I had turned night into day flipping around Gods natural order.
And I payed dearly for this foolishness.

Metanoia can be seen as a change of mind.
To go beyond our limited and stern point of view and make room for Gods perspective.
Relying on my own intellect I will not overcome this battle,
 but with Jesus as my shepherd I can safely lay down in the grass and fall asleep carried by the comfort and reassurance of Gods gentle presence.
That is my belief and that is what gives me hope I just might wake up replenished the next morning.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Quest for Innocence
« on: March 28, 2019, 10:16:24 AM »
March 28, 2019

Hi folks,

Just giving a small update, since its been a while.

It must be more than a month now that I haven't watched nudity.
Best of all, the time passed without craving.
So there wasn't much of a physical-mental struggle.

I've come to realize Christ already won the battle and calls us to give up our fleshy cravings and renew our spirit under the guidance of Gods love.
This might sound a whole lot like vague religious talk, but it's a highly practical process and the one thing that can really set you free from bondage.

Let me tell you I have been highly addicted to porn and cybersex for about ten years from which half of those years have been a real ugly life to death suffering.
I'd be so defeated by every relapse I'd go through and over the years I tried various strategies to overcome without success worth mentioning.
At best I'd make 3 weeks without sexual release, straining my willpower to its limits, but the desire for cybersex would remain.
I've tried meditation and breath-work and plunged my Self into the world of occult meta-physical practices to gain control over my sexual energy, only resulting in a more dangerous sexual hunger.
All that is over now. This day to day battle with lust no longer is mine.
My heart is changing and so are my desires.

Porn Addiction / Re: Does porn addiction ever weaken?
« on: March 12, 2019, 09:50:10 AM »
I'm going to be flat out and tell you the problem is lust. You'd understand it to be wrong to have sex with someone elses wife or girlfriend. But when Jesus walked the earth he declared: "Whoever looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." The problem is you let your spirit be led by the cravings of your flesh. Now to be clear, of course you'll have a natural longing in your body to be intimate with the opposite sex. But craving the body of someone who isn't your wife is where your heart gets corrupted. Those woman we watch that let their bodies be fucked are all deeply hurting inside and each one of them has a longing to be intimate in love as a child of God. As men we are gravely in error when we feast on their flesh, while spiritually these girls are screaming for true love. Your urges will subside once your heart is changed on this issue. Then you also won't have a need for porn blockers anymore.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Quest for Innocence
« on: March 11, 2019, 01:20:07 PM »
March 11, 2019

Something many people don't realize your thoughts are not your own. You don't own them.
They come and they go, source unknown.
Sure, we can speculate about the source.
Many of us battle with self-defeating thoughts. Mental down-talk.
We might argue these thought patterns originate from low self-esteem and are a direct result of the addict lifestyle,
but we want to quit right? So why do we let our minds be bombarded with shitty thoughts?
And if it's not US allowing them, then WHO is?
Who is accusing you of being a dirty lowlife who'll never be able to stop wanking?
Certain is when we concede with such thoughts we'll stay trapped in the vicious cycle.
Yet, we, as in humanity, can't seem to get out of it on our own strength.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Quest for Innocence
« on: March 07, 2019, 03:25:49 PM »
March 7, 2019

Some things i've learned over the past few days by doing the first two lessons of the Recovery Nation Workshop, that I'll share here.

- the roots of addiction are tangled around the core of our identity

- escapism became my primary emotional management strategy

- for many addicts passion is the driving force in decision making

So those are three statements that rang true to me.
The state of being an addicted slave is very much a state of not knowing your true identity, for no man was born into this world to die as a slave.
We do all become slaves to the flesh in one way or another.
Though the belief in Christ's completed mission is the one thing that can set us free and transmute our slave ID anchored to the certainty of death to an identity anchored in an eternity with God.
 Obviously this is a process.
But it all starts with belief.

When is was younger I often said I longed for there to be a magical door into eternal nothingness through which I could step and escape my suffering bodymind-spirit.
Since there wasn't such a door and suicide ain't painless, I chose various forms of escapism as the way to manage my emotions.

I was a passionate drifter!
Driven by passionate impulses.
Drifting from one alley into the next dead-end.
I need to develop depth to maintain a steady continuous passion.

For those who are serious about working out their emotional issues:

Teens / Re: 19 Year Old Guy Trying To Recover
« on: March 05, 2019, 02:55:20 PM »
Hey man.
Just want to give you a heads up, that it will be very difficult to stop this unhealthy habit without addressing the underlying issues, that brought you to excessive porn and masturbation. Don't get fooled into the idea that simply stopping will solve life for you.
Having said that, you do need to depart from it if you ever want to enjoy the good of a relationship. The how is the more tricky question.
It might be an idea to put on paper a number of life values (say 10) that you want to be part of your future. You are 19, now would be a great time to slowly set out a life vision, one that excludes the miserable, shady and deceitful world of porn and masturbation and is based on healthy constructive values instead. Even if you know you can't uphold those values yet, they will be a reminder of the character you want to develop. How to apply them practically would be a later question.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Quest for Innocence
« on: March 05, 2019, 02:23:01 PM »
Am I love shy in the true meaning of the psychological term or just an salos (fool for God)?

Let's flip it around. We might be all a little God shy and fools for 'love.' The love of money ain't compatible with the love for God, and God's love for us individuals isn't on the same level as the romantic love we get entangled in as humans. So we usually suffer heart-ache. Then we settle for less and deal with the complications of relationship. Maybe it be a wise to thing to seek the heart of God before attempting the heart of a woman.   :)

Ages 30-39 / Re: Quest for Innocence
« on: February 25, 2019, 10:57:58 AM »
There have always been madams, in the temples of Aphrodite, female priests would sleep with broken men to heal their trauma, of course temples used to have a business side to them as well, porn is not just about money, people upload their own porn that they have made themselves as a form of self-expression, to summarize his basic point, porn is becoming a means for the people acting in it to work through their trauma, the problem is that those watching it are either being fleesed or oppressed. I have said in a post many months ago that anything is permitted if you are at a sufficient level to understand it, watching porn as a practitioner, helping to heal the wounds of the participants requires an exceptional level, most had better not strive to reach there, those that do are kidding themselves that they are experiencing pleasure through doing it, thank you.

There is no healing taking place without love and let that be the exact thing porn is totally devoid of. Exhibitionism or putting your body to the sexual service of others isn't coming from a place of love either. At best it is fooling yourself feeding your ego by letting others worship your outer shell in admiration. Temples built by human hands never truly had anything to do with God or becoming whole. Or maybe they had in ancient days. Logically, we can argue that due to omnipresence being one of the characteristics of God, it's rather ridiculous to limit God to one physical place. It's my belief we are called to treat our bodies as the temples for the holy spirit of God to dwell in. Lusting after the bodies of other beings, as in pornography is not only defiling your physical home making it unable to receive Gods spirit, it's also a serious violation against the image of God, in which we're all created.

Pages: [1] 2 3