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Messages - changemylife

Pages: [1] 2 3 ... 18
1
That's outstanding progress and discipline.

2
It has officially been 90 days since I last MO'd or PMO'd.  I haven't gone this long without porn in almost 6 years.

Oh shit! You've made it.

3
Ages 20-29 / Re: Now or never
« on: Today at 05:24:51 PM »
Catching you from behind
Is easy, I am the wolf chasing,
And I'm bigger than your kind,
I'm stronger, in flames, blazing,
Scaring you, little taller boy
Crying for your mama
I'm not your favorite toy
I am the one who bites, and drama







4
Ages 20-29 / Re: Now or never
« on: Today at 04:54:24 PM »
If you've never been "normal" how can you say "normal again"?

5
Ages 20-29 / Re: Now or never
« on: Today at 04:50:04 PM »
Hard drugs are injected to you through your eyes, for free. Drugs for free! All the kids are happy. Let's give free drugs to the kids. These drugs are unique: You can't die by overdose. So come and dive in!

6
Ages 20-29 / Re: Now or never
« on: Today at 04:35:34 PM »
You are tired of that interminable sweet river of honey. You lie down on its shore, exhausted after the swim.

7
Porn Addiction / Re: Step One
« on: Today at 12:30:43 PM »
I don't know, I've always thought that some people are more prone to addiction than others and also that some people have a way harder time quitting than others. Maybe it's something with their brain. I am in this category. I saw you said there that you get hooked easily on stimulants. Yeah, maybe I do too. I started masturbation when I was 5 or 6, which only strengthens the idea. I didn't even wait, I started looking for pleasure when my age was in single digits. To tell a joke here, I am an expert in masturbation, I've been doing it since I was in the womb. So, there must be something with me and my pleasure seeking which is a form of medication in a way, I guess. But I understand myself too little to expend the idea. Anyway, if I am ever "normal" (my definition of normal, not others' definition) it will be a miracle. I always feel like "me" and "being normal" and "living my life without depending on stimulants" are concepts completely opposite.

8
Ages 20-29 / Re: Now or never
« on: Today at 11:47:52 AM »
Loneliness is not a phase.

9
Ages 20-29 / Re: Now or never
« on: Today at 07:12:21 AM »
I've been waiting my whole life for just one fuck
And all I needed was just one fuck
How can you say that you don't give a fuck?
I find myself stupefied, all alone again

All I wanted was just one fuck
One tiny, little, innocent fuck
And when I feel like I'm out of luck
I find myself stupefied, all alone again

All the people, in the left wing, fuck
And all the people, in the right wing, fuck
And all the people, in the underground, fuck
I find myself stupefied, all alone again

All the people, in the high-rise, fuck
And all the people, in the projects, fuck
And all "La Hente", in the barrio, fuck
I find myself stupefied, all alone again


10
Ages 20-29 / Re: Now or never
« on: Today at 05:36:35 AM »
Living in your own world, it's so sad that it's not the right world. It's connected to reality, not being crazy kills the piece of mind. Killing become soothing. Others love to drive you crazy. "Crazy" is a word that people bring up a lot, but you wish you were crazy.

11
Ages 30-39 / Re: Needing to Heal
« on: Today at 04:48:22 AM »
We will never be able to quit porn for good if we don't move on from the past completely. Right now, I am somewhere in between, that doesn't help nothing. I am in a place between past and the future where I want to change my life. Circumstances make that I can't start my new life yet and I don't know when the fuck I will. I hope in a few months. I'm losing my fucking mind like this. Loneliness is killing me.

12
Ages 20-29 / Re: Now or never
« on: January 14, 2019, 11:43:50 AM »
Let's celebrate the great life with a nice, relaxing cyanide.

13
Ages 20-29 / Re: Now or never
« on: January 14, 2019, 11:33:34 AM »
2 weeks without alcohol. Great achievement. I'll give myself a pat on the back with a crowbar.

14
Ages 20-29 / Re: Now or never
« on: January 14, 2019, 11:28:52 AM »
Burning on the angry chair
Little boy made a mistake
Pink cloud has now turned to gray

Loneliness is not a phase
Field of pain is where I graze
Serenity is far away
Saw my reflection and cried
So little hope that I died
Feed me your lies, open wide
Weight of my heart, not the size

15
Ages 20-29 / Re: Now or never
« on: January 14, 2019, 11:08:19 AM »
From above, you watch your twin brother sleeping. In a suit. Who sleeps in a suit? And not in the bed, in half of box. But then you realize you're floating. How did you end up in the air? Things become clear now. The one down there is you. And they cover him with the other half of box.

16
Ages 20-29 / Re: Rewiring my brain
« on: January 14, 2019, 10:22:20 AM »
Some things that might help:

- Going outside (like you said). Being around people where you won't jerk off. Don't run to the restroom to jerk off if you are at the mall and have urges;
- Moving your computer to a room where you risk to get caught by someone in your home (if you don't live alone);
- Spending less time in front of the computer if you don't have something to do (if you don't work from home or edit pictures etc. you could, for now, only use Internet to pay bills, download music, search information about something, only using it when it's necessary, because everybody uses Internet porn nowadays so it's understandable why less time online should help);
- Find a hobby to occupy some of your time. In general, idle time is a risk for relapsing but you can't be busy every minute of the day so finding a way to stay away from porn when you do nothing is also important;
- Go to the gym, play basketball, do some physical exercise. Some people said it helped them with urges;
- Avoid fantasizing about porn and avoid edging, arousing yourself. These have always made me relapse. If a fantasy appears in your mind, you have to focus on something else;
- Stop and think when you have hard urges and don't act on impulse. Spend some time to analyze why it will be bad if you started watching porn and masturbating now;
- Identify what made you relapse last time and try not to relapse the same again;
- People said cold showers helped them when they had urges. I don't know cause I haven't tried;
- Don't jerk your dick to see if it's working and if you could still have a hard on. This could lead to relapse. Your dick will be working when you quit porn for good (if your dick doesn't work now);
- Have patience. If things don't go well fast, the day will eventually come, we are not broken beyond repair. The founder of this website, Gabe Deem, said he needed 9 months to have sex again and 15 months to be able to masturbate without porn (I hope I don't mistake the numbers). So yeah, it could take some time;
- Keep a positive mindset. Depression, melancholia, negativity, looking down on yourself etc. are good soil for addictions;
- Understand that you have to go through pain if you want to quit an addiction, because every addiction has withdrawal. Prepare yourself for harder times. Learn what you could go through so you won't be surprised;

I don't know what else to say. They are some things to try.



17
Ages 20-29 / Re: Rewiring my brain
« on: January 14, 2019, 09:22:00 AM »
Thanks, man. For about 12 years (starting too early, when I was younger than 10 years old) I masturbated excessively, everyday, a few times a day, fantasizing about porn in my mind then watching porn anytime I masturbated. It definitely did things to my brain. The high social anxiety was definitely a consequence. And I noticed that it was higher than ever after I'd started watching porn everyday. It drained me completely. I was exhausted all day long, walking like a zombie. And I just became a weak, passive guy.
Now I understood that I need to go through some pain if I want to escape. Everyday addiction has withdrawal, what can you do? Only time will rewire the brain and stop the pain. I can't make it easier, I just need to wait those 90 days (or how long it's necessary).

18
Ages 20-29 / Re: I KNOW I CAN REBOOT
« on: January 14, 2019, 08:37:42 AM »
What's up, man?

This is my 1st day.

19
Porn Addiction / Re: "Free January" challenge
« on: January 14, 2019, 08:25:41 AM »
Cut it out, guys.  Clean means NO PORN, or even erotica, and if you are cutting out masturbation then no mb.  You guys who are edging or peeking aren't  rebooting.  You're just building your own demise.  It is time to.get serious.  That means unless there is a real naked woman in your bedroom it is no deal.  Time to get serious.

Rich

Actually, there is a naked woman in my bedroom but she's inflatable.

And you clearly made his point. Maybe if you actually took this seriously you wouldn't consistently be in here saying

"Day 0"
Hey, I'm taking this seriously.

20
Porn Addiction / Re: "Free January" challenge
« on: January 14, 2019, 08:01:01 AM »
Cut it out, guys.  Clean means NO PORN, or even erotica, and if you are cutting out masturbation then no mb.  You guys who are edging or peeking aren't  rebooting.  You're just building your own demise.  It is time to.get serious.  That means unless there is a real naked woman in your bedroom it is no deal.  Time to get serious.

Rich

Actually, there is a naked woman in my bedroom but she's inflatable.

21
Ages 20-29 / Re: Rewiring my brain
« on: January 13, 2019, 06:54:47 PM »
What's up, man? Welcome.

I can relate to some things you said there. I know how it feels. PMO can easily become a self-medication. However, I think it increases social anxiety a lot. I remember back in high school, after I started watching porn everyday, my anxiety went through the roof. About fetishes, I don't really have extreme, crazy fetishes. Maybe I'm lucky. I mean, I'm not lucky, I'm lucky about this.

22
Hello.

You know, that's because porn needs some time until it will be seen like an addiction by everyone. Would you have received the same comments if your shirt had been about heroin? When people see porn like cigarettes, alcohol or drugs, then things will change. Of course, if I tried to tell 50 people from where I live that porn kills love, they would probably make fun of me in the same way. But fuck them. I want to tell you that I appreciate and support your goal of spreading awareness about porn. Don't stop doing it because they write those comments. Don't think about them, think about the people that will benefit from your message.

Peace.

23
Porn Addiction / Re: I Need Your HELP... (Read if You have anxiety)
« on: January 13, 2019, 04:24:08 PM »
Porn rewires the brain to not only try and sexualize things we see, but also to change sexual tastes as the brain builds up a tolerance to the novelty of "vanilla" porn. People search different body types, scenarios, fantasies, positions, etc. that they never would have even considered absent of porn use.

Yes, that's right, I've realized I did this too.

Quote
  Worse still, porn addiction tends to heighten anxiety and obsessive thoughts/behaviors. The deeper into the addiction you go, the more intense and irrational these thoughts are until they become crippling. The worst part is that you tend to fight a losing battle with your brain. You know with every iota of logic you can calculate that what you're feeling isn't rational or coming to you naturally. It's an illusion. The trouble is, like with all anxieties, the rest of the brain doesn't care. Knowing that your feelings are an illusion produced by porn addiction doesn't provide any comfort while you're being consumed by them. It's a horrible feeling that I wouldn't wish on anyone.

It's crazy how multiple, different people, could end up suffering from the same things. I understand what you said there so well. It's like I'm doing things to make my anxiety go away but it's not working. After I binge, I am crippled by anxiety and my obsessions go out of control. Besides social anxiety and general anxiety, I've been suffering from mild Obsessive compulsive disorder since I was a kid and I wonder if my excessive daily masturbation had anything to do with this. Not necessarily creating it (although I don't deny this) but making it go completely out of control.


24
Ages 20-29 / Re: Now or never
« on: January 13, 2019, 03:19:11 PM »
Nostalgia, for the times when I wasn't lonely, is killing me.

25
Ages 20-29 / Re: Now or never
« on: January 13, 2019, 03:07:58 PM »
Depressed and lonely. Put me out of my misery.

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