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Messages - Jethro

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Hi everyone, I haven't posted in a while, so I thought that I'd give a shout out, just to let you know that I'm still alive. I've been thinking a lot lately about willpower and weakness, and why people who are addicted say that it doesn't work for them. On the other side of the coin, you have the merits and the success stories of a 12 step program, and the many advocates for this road of recovery. Religious beliefs and faith in a Higher Power are also mentioned as possible paths to wellness. My question is, ( if that's the correct terminology ), is which one, or combinations of the ways described above is right?. Is it possible to combine several of the methods that I've outlined above and have a successful reboot?, or must you pick one way, and never look at any of the others, or can you use any, or all, of the ways described above to aid your reboot?. Just a thought, I would be interested in your opinions,
                      Be blessed,
                            Jethro.

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Ages 40 and up / Re: Powerless, defenceless and hating myself.
« on: December 13, 2018, 07:36:15 AM »
Thank you Rex,
                       It has made such a difference knowing that I have you guys watching my back and encouraging me, and praying has certainly strengthened me beyond measure. I know that I have to stay vigilant, this addiction is clever, in that it is one of those illnesses, and yes, I see it is an illness today, that tries to convince us that we don't have it, how insidious and sneaky is that?. The fact that I have people praying for me as well, is a tremendous help, you don't want to let people who take the time to pray for you down, at least I don't. I have also become a member of a Christian organisation called the Samson Society. It's a band of brothers who hold virtual video meetings as well as face to face meetings, sadly there are no meetings in my area, so I depend on the virtual meetings. Perhaps you might want to check it out?. Anyway, I backslid two days into my reboot, so now my reboot is December 4th, and now I am 9 days sober. Thanks for being here, and thank you for being the buddy you are,
                            Jethro.

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Ages 40 and up / Re: Powerless, defenceless and hating myself.
« on: December 12, 2018, 01:25:41 AM »
Hi Rex,
           Thank you so much for your kind words!. I can't say it has been anything but extremely hard, but I am determined to succeed. I think of my ever loyal wife,my kids and grand babies when the temptations are strongest. I also pray a lot!, I have found a great deal of comfort from communing with God, and I have come to realise that for years I was one of those people who tried to "bargain" with Him; "if you get me out of this, I'll do such and such", you know the type of thing. Since starting my reboot however, I have come to see that it is one thing to believe in God, and another thing completely to rely on Him. I have believed since I was a small child, but the reliance wasn't there, now I have come to see that I was one of the millions of people who prayed daily, asking for whatever, but didn't wait for His answer. If you ask someone something, doesn't it make sense to wait for them to answer you?. I try not to ask for anything for myself when I pray, instead I pray for other people, countries in the middle of war zones,famine,drought etc:, etc:, but since the beginning of my reboot, I have asked for strength, courage and honesty for myself, I don't think God will mind that. Anyway, thank you for praying for me, and,if you don't mind,I shall add you to my daily prayer list; I would also like to add you to my buddy list if you have no objections, perhaps you could let me know by a short reply, thank you once again,
                 Happy trails brother,
                           Jethro.

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Ages 40 and up / Re: Powerless, defenceless and hating myself.
« on: December 06, 2018, 04:25:12 PM »
Thanks bob, yes,she is an amazing woman. I know that I don't deserve her, but I'm so glad that she decided to stay, for it was far from certain that she would. She has told me though, that if I mess up again, she is gone, no more chances. Thanks for your help and support too bob, it really does make a difference,
                  Happy trails brother,
                            Jethro

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Ages 40 and up / Re: Powerless, defenceless and hating myself.
« on: December 06, 2018, 08:31:35 AM »
Hi Remington.22
                         Thanks so much for taking the time to leave me a message. I value your input very much.As I've already stated, I thought that I was the only person on the planet who did what I did,you have no idea how comforting it was to find that there were other people who were as addicted as I am.People who felt the same shame,self loathing and disgust that I felt.There was also the fear of discovery,then one day it happened,....and the look of disgust on my wife's face was enough to make me wish there was a a rock nearby that I could crawl under.But today I have her support,even though I know that I don't deserve it because apart from the watching pornography,I also indulged myself by having several online affairs, with both sexes,cyber sex included.Anyway,would you have any objections to me adding you to my buddy list?.Thanks again,
                                    Happy trails,
                                         .   Jethro


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Ages 40 and up / Re: Powerless, defenceless and hating myself.
« on: December 04, 2018, 10:09:52 AM »
Thank you bob,I'm very grateful.

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Ages 40 and up / Re: Powerless, defenceless and hating myself.
« on: December 04, 2018, 01:58:23 AM »
Hi bob,thanks so much for getting in touch. It's been a real eye opener for me to find out all the guys here are exactly what you said, just like me. I had gone through all of my adult life thinking that I was the only guy who indulged in watching porn,having cyber sexual liaisons,etc:,etc:.I was pond life,a pervert, scum sucker etc:,and every other description you've heard used to describe people like me. Now I know that I'm not alone, I have the one element that has been lacking most of my life;...hope. Thank you once again,and would you mind if I added you to my buddy list?,
                                                Keep the faith brother,.......Jethro

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Ages 40 and up / Re: Powerless, defenceless and hating myself.
« on: December 03, 2018, 10:04:24 PM »
Hi Huckleberry, thanks so much for taking the time to reply to me. It has helped me hugely to know that there are other people who are like me. You know,before I found this site,I actually thought that I was the only guy in the world who had this problem, I didn't see it as an addiction, just that I got got irritated,for want of a better word, if someone or something interfered with my plans to spend time watching. I wish both of us well my friend, be blessed brother.
                             Jethro

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Ages 40 and up / Re: Powerless, defenceless and hating myself.
« on: December 03, 2018, 11:56:34 AM »
Hi, thanks for replying to me,that really means a lot.you've made me feel very welcome,and I hope that we can be of help to each other,
                                        Thanks again,
                                            Jethro

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Ages 40 and up / Re: **Accountability Partner Requests**
« on: December 03, 2018, 04:06:37 AM »
Hi, I'm looking for an AP to help,and be helpful to,in my struggle to reboot successfully,and sustain my recovery as I have failed on many occasions over the years.I have watched porn every day,but I am on day two of being away from porn. It isn't easy and I need help with the withdrawals,(and believe me they are bad!).I also have engaged in cyber sex, with both sexes,although I enjoyed it at the time,it wasn't long before the guilt and shame set in. My porn addiction has grown worse over time,and I find that I have to watch more and more "warped and darker",subject matter to achieve the same stimulation. If you are looking for an AP,or think that you could help me, then contact me either by reply, PM, or email me. Thank you.

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Ages 40 and up / Embracing the new day
« on: December 03, 2018, 03:10:29 AM »
Good mornin world. It's a new day,and I am filled with new hope,this is only day two,and there is a long journey ahead, but for the first time in many years,there was a slight spring in the step of this old bear. Instead of being afraid of what lies ahead today,I'm embracing it,and all that could happen in the next twenty four hours. I have begun an exercise program,and I worked out for the first time in a long time.The next thing I have to do is find a hobby,or hobbies, to fill the times when I am at my most vulnerable, for me, that's early morning and last thing at night. I "trained",myself to wake up at 4or5am,so that I could have uninterrupted time finding and watching porn before the rest of the house got going on their day.I used to sketch and paint, I loved to read,(I have just begun my first book. My brain on porn, might as well start as I mean to go on).I am looking forward,not back,long may it continue,be blessed guys.

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Ages 40 and up / Powerless, defenceless and hating myself.
« on: December 02, 2018, 04:41:27 PM »
Hi, my name is Jethro, and I've just become a member, I want to know the nature of my addiction. I am powerless, and defenceless. I even watch it when every fibre of my being doesn't even want to!.It's the disgust,self loathing,and hatred of myself that's destroying me, and those that I love. But the one thing that this site has given me is something that I haven't had in years,....hope. Thanks for being here.

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