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Messages - j7ll7

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1
Success Stories / Re: My success story (I just had sex) [200 days]
« on: March 20, 2019, 04:28:36 AM »
Yeah I did notice signs of improvement. My flatline had subsided and my morning wood was every morning (even during the day sometimes). The quality of my erection was nearly what I wanted it to be. But more than enough to penetrate with.

2
Success Stories / My success story (I just had sex) [200 days]
« on: March 17, 2019, 08:22:46 AM »
Hi guys,

After 200 days of reboot, hard mode. I finally had succesfull vaginal sex. The night before I didnt succeed because I was wasted an could get partially hard but nothing I could penetrate with. But this morning I was finally able to do the deed. It feels like my confidence has been restored. I didnt think there would be light at the end of the tunnel. But finally there is. Even for the worst cases there is hope. Even if it takes 200 days like me, without any real benefits to speak of, you have to keep on trucking and dont give up. Because the alternitive is a hell of a lot worse than even the wost withdrawals you can have.

Thx for supporting me through this time. Youve given me my life back.

Cheers,
Jelle

3
Ages 20-29 / Re: My Journal (2nd stage of my reboot)
« on: March 12, 2019, 03:01:46 PM »
Day 2

This is the first time in my reboot that I really feel diffirent. I get excited when I see hot girls and I really start to feel like a normal guy again. Life is a little bit better.

4
Ages 20-29 / My Journal (2nd stage of my reboot)
« on: March 11, 2019, 02:02:07 PM »
Hi guys,

I'm writing here because I have reset my counter. I have relapsed after 180 days of reboot. I've not thrown myself into a binge. But in the last two weeks I've orgasmed (not masturbation) to porn fantasy. My long lasting flatline has ended and now I feel the full force of my sexual desire. But I don't see it as something bad. I merely feel like I've entered a new stage of reboot. I was a bad case.

I've been masturbating to porn since age 12 and discovered internet porn 1 year later. Since that time I've used internet porn for 2 or more times a day, every day. I'm now 24, that means that for my entior sexually active life the only thing I've conditioned my sexuality to was internet porn. I've never had any succesfull sexual relationship with a person before. Now that I'm 180 days in I finally feel some of the feelings come back that I lost in all that time.

I do think I have a long way to go before I'm able to have sex. But at least I'm on the right track. Maybe now that I have the feeling of my sexuality back, my improvements will be a lot quicker. I don't know, only the future will tell me. But the reason I'm starting this new journal is because this feeling is totally new to me. And just like the beginning of the first one I can use your support to help me through these challenging times.

I'm not regretting resetting my counter and looking forward to the following months. Thx in advance for all the messages, support and wisdom. You guys are the best and have helped my life in many more ways than you can even imagine.

Cheers,
Jelle

5
Porn Addiction / Would you count this as a relapse
« on: March 04, 2019, 04:28:27 PM »
Hey guys,

I'm on day 183 of my reboot and kind of in and out of the flatline. Last sunday I was really hung over and a porn thought flashed into my mind. It was a really intense thought and it made my whole body tremble. I tried to resist the thought and distract myself but I just couldn't. I could however resist touching myself. But it wasnt enough, this thought just sent me over the moon and I came. I know porn fantasy also counts as porn, cause it uses the same pathways. Would you consider this a relapse.

By the way, I know the process is not lineair and even the strongest of rebooters face (partial)relapses sometimes. So it is not that I feel like I threw all those days away. I'm just curious in what way this effects my reboot.

Kind regards,
Jelle

6
Porn Addiction / Just feeling burned up, will it ever get better
« on: January 27, 2019, 12:07:42 PM »
Hi guys,

It has been a long while since I posted an update on my reboot. 104 days to be exact. And I'm still going strong. I haven't watched any porn in the passed 104 days. But I have been getting some pretty strong episodes of porn craving. They were so bad that I couldn't even get away from them, because leaving my house and going for a walk even triggered the cravings for me.

Right now I just feel like absolute garbage, maybe someday the energy will return. But at the moment I've never felt this tired in my whole life. I'm tired from the moment that I wake up to the moment just before bed. I cannot sleep and I just feel downright depressed. The only thing I want to do at this point is to just jack of until there is no tommorow, because that is the only thing that is giving me any pleasure. But the believe that things will get better is what is keeping me strong.

Are there any other people that have had these kind of episodes in their reboot and have they gone away? I could really use your help here.

7
Ages 20-29 / Re: My Journal, an attempt to abstain
« on: January 27, 2019, 12:07:03 PM »
Day 154 (27-01-2019)


Hi guys,

It has been a long while since I posted an update on my reboot. 104 days to be exact. And I'm still going strong. I haven't watched any porn in the passed 104 days. But I have been getting some pretty strong episodes of porn craving. They were so bad that I couldn't even get away from them, because leaving my house and going for a walk even triggered the cravings for me.

Right now I just feel like absolute garbage, maybe someday the energy will return. But at the moment I've never felt this tired in my whole life. I'm tired from the moment that I wake up to the moment just before bed. I cannot sleep and I just feel downright depressed. The only thing I want to do at this point is to just jack of until there is no tommorow, because that is the only thing that is giving me any pleasure. But the believe that things will get better is what is keeping me strong.

Are there any other people that have had these kind of episodes in their reboot and have they gone away? I could really use your help here.

8
Porn Addiction / Uncontrollable porn fantasy during reboot
« on: January 13, 2019, 03:50:20 PM »
Hey guys,

I've been on a streak for 120 days. But during the last week im plagued with thoughts of porn fantasy and uncontrollable urges. It is so bad that even the slightest thought of porn just makes me come. One day I even went out for a walk just to walk the thoughts off, but even then they haunted me, I had to stop walking because the feeling of my dick rubbing against my pants made me wanna come. I've orgasmed 4 times this week and it just doesn't go away. What can I do against it? Do I have to reset my counter? I'm just lost that after so long no PMO, something this stupid fucks up my reboot

9
Porn Addiction / Did I relapse or fuck up my reboot?
« on: October 16, 2018, 12:32:57 AM »
Hi guys,

I'm on day 50 of my reboot and last night I had a wet porn dream. I climaxed in about 3 seconds before I realized what was going on. Did I fuck up my recovery or is it not a big deal?

10
Ages 20-29 / Re: My Journal, an attempt to abstain
« on: October 15, 2018, 02:34:21 PM »
Day 50 (15-10-2018)

Today was a good day, I had a really nice time with my coworkers and felt happy throughout the day. I was having really good conversations with the clients on the phone and made some really good sales. I have given myself another challenge to complete every day. I have to smile as much as I can every single day. Because of mirror neurons in the brain, the brain picks up on your smile and automatically makes you happy. So this is also to make me happier throughout the day.


Also an updat on everything I've (not) been doing.

- I'm on a 26 day streak of meditation
- 20 day streak of always making my bed and cleaning my room
- Still going hardmode, still haven't PMO'd for the entire 50 days.
- Still working out at least once a week

11
Ages 20-29 / Re: My Journal, an attempt to abstain
« on: October 14, 2018, 02:36:46 PM »
Day 49 (14-10-2018)

Today was a good day, I ran the 4 mile of Groningen and got a good time of 32 minutes and 50 seconds. I had my parents and sister cheer me on near the start and finish. I just had a really good day and I feel better and better every day. I feel like every day I get closer to being able to take on the world!

12
Ages 20-29 / Re: My Journal, an attempt to abstain
« on: October 13, 2018, 03:47:09 PM »
Day 48 (13-10-2018)

Today was a really good day. I slept in today, did my laundry, cleand my house and fixed my starting number for my run tomorrow. After that I went to the birthday party of my cousin and my uncle and I had a really good time reconnecting with the family. I was just really glad I got to talk to everyone and engage in real conversation. I really feel like I'm slowly getting back to normal!

13
Ages 20-29 / Re: My Journal, an attempt to abstain
« on: October 12, 2018, 04:31:15 PM »
Day 47 (12-10-2018)

Today was a good day again, still I have some troubles with the reboot and still I'm in a complete flatline, but things are getting better. And if things are though the only thing I think you can do is just keep moving forward and take the victories that you get. So right now my complete focus is on that and doing the things that can speed up the proces. I'm still meditating every day (using the headspace app, really recommend if you don't know where to start), and the meditation is also just getting better. So I'm just glad that things are on the right track right now. And also just 13 more days to go until I've reached my second month of reboot. Time flies when you're having fun I guess..... ;)

14
Ages 20-29 / Re: My Journal, an attempt to abstain
« on: October 11, 2018, 03:38:52 PM »
Day 46 (11-10-2018)

Today was a good/terrible day. At first my day started out well with a nice morning and a good day at work. But after work I got a call from the renting commission, saying that there were all kinds of things wrong with my case. There are some extra costs that came out of nowhere and now all of the sudden they all stand before me and they're asking where the money is at. This sent my stress levels into overdrive and for a short while I wasn't able to do anything. This was the first time I had experienced such stress after quitting and I had nothing to take it away. Eventually I got myself calm by just doing some simple things and the stress went away for a bit.

It was hard but I learn to deal with stress the natural way this way.

Cheers,
Jelle ;D ;D

15
Ages 20-29 / Re: My Journal, an attempt to abstain
« on: October 10, 2018, 03:46:08 PM »
Day 45 (10-10-2018)

Today was a good day, I had to work late, but still it was fun at work. I also had pretty decent scores on my sales today and I felt on top of my game. Also I had the renting commission come by my house today to talk about lowering my rent. I got 57 euros of my rent and made another huge saving in my account. I'm also still doing my meditation and keeping my house clean. And I'm doing really well with saving money and I just feel myself getting better and better each day. It really feels like a weight is slowly lifting of my shoulders and I'm finally able to think and live clearly. I never imagined that I get this far but still here I am! It is a really good feeling and a real confidence boost to know that I have the willpower to get this far!!!!

Cheers,
Jelle :D :D :D :D :D

16
Ages 20-29 / Re: My Journal, an attempt to abstain
« on: October 09, 2018, 03:42:38 PM »
Day 44 (09-10-2018)

Today was a good day again, kind of boring but at the same time I had some really good conversations with my collegues today. I didn't really do much today because I had a late shift, but still my house is clean and organized and I have my finances in order. Something that I never really had and if I had it, I felt it slipping as soon as I even lost the slightest bit of absolute focus. Now I just do those things, when I wake up I clean my bed, I fold up my clothes from the day before and just make sure everything gets done. Then after that I run through my reciepts and my up the balance for the previous day. I never felt so responsible in my life.

17
Ages 20-29 / Re: My Journal, an attempt to abstain
« on: October 08, 2018, 03:23:09 PM »
Day 43 (08-10-2018)

Today was somewhat harder and boring, but still was a very good day. I had a good time with my collegues and really talked since the first time I got my new job. It was also the first time I really could bring something to the board during one of our meetings. I really feel like I'm becoming part of the team and it is going better. I've also started reading another book that I read a long time ago. It is called "How To Win Friends And Influence People". This book is really good for understanding human relations. But at first I couldn't really put anything from the book into practice, because it asked for genuine emotion and I wasn't able to produce that. But now that my feelings are coming back I can, so I think this time it is gonna be a whole lot better.

18
Ages 20-29 / Re: My Journal, an attempt to abstain
« on: October 07, 2018, 03:23:35 PM »
Day 42 (07-10-2018)

Today was a good day, I went home to surprise my mother for het birthday. I hung up all kinds off decorations and we talked about their holliday. After that we had some delicious cake and drank some coffee.

Now for how the reboot is going. I feel a lot better the last few days. I have more energy, I'm less irritable and I even sleep somewhat better. I really feel like my life is in a lift at this point. I really like the things that I do and I feel further and further away from porn. But still I'm in a really bad flatline and still have no libido at all. But I also have a little form of morning wood in the morning so there are signs that something is coming back for me. Even though it is going to be a long, hard (or rather soft) time or me. But something that in the end will be very beneficial.

19
Ages 20-29 / Re: My Journal, an attempt to abstain
« on: October 07, 2018, 08:14:59 AM »
Day 41 (06-10-2018)

Today was a good day, I had a nice day at work and after I went to work I came home and immediatly went to get groceries and cook. After that I chilled with an old friend of mine and drank some whine. It was a good day.

20
Ages 20-29 / Re: My Journal, an attempt to abstain
« on: October 05, 2018, 03:04:36 PM »
Day 40 (05-10-2018)

Today was kind of a boring day. I didn't really do much but I also didn't feel that bad. I did some reading and I walked through the city. I also made plans to get my financial situation even better. I'm looking in ways to save money, but also to invest money. I'm keeping a journal with all my expenses, so I can have more of an idea where I'm at with my spending behaviour. Still grinding through the withdrawal effects, but each day is getting better now.

21
Ages 20-29 / Re: My Journal, an attempt to abstain
« on: October 04, 2018, 03:13:09 PM »
Day 39 (04-10-2018)

Today was still a boring day at work but I still felt amazing. I feel so much more clean energy flowing through my body and I just feel so good. I really think that the reboot is finally taking effect. Still I have to be on the lookout for moments where the withdrawal symptoms could be worse. Because I'm still getting better and I still got a long road ahead of me. I also sometimes have a little bit of morning wood so even my sexual organ is slowly starting to become alive. I haven't made it to an amazing milestone but at least I've got to 39 days so I'm really proud of myself.

22
Ages 20-29 / Re: My Journal, an attempt to abstain
« on: October 03, 2018, 03:27:15 PM »
Day 38 (03-10-2018)

Today was again a good day, maybe a bit boring but I felt good. I didn't really sleep last night and I was afraid that it would affect me the whole day. But to my surprise that didn't happen. I think my reboot is finally shifting into a place that is more positive than negative. Because I can still feel the withdrawal symptoms, but I feel much better overall. I really feel like I'm regaining controll over my life and I'm finally able to do the things I want. Or at the very least get the feeling back of what I find important in my life!

So like Reformed Fapper also said, the stages of rebooting can be seen in my journal just as in many others. And the reason I love mine is that I can just go back to an older entry on a really bad day and reflect on how far I've come!

Cheers,
Jelle :D

23
Ages 20-29 / Re: My Journal, an attempt to abstain
« on: October 02, 2018, 04:11:52 PM »
Thanks Do or die and Reformed Fapper for the comments, it really helps me to know people are reading my journal and keeping up with the story!

Cheers,
Jelle :)

24
Ages 20-29 / Re: My Journal, an attempt to abstain
« on: October 02, 2018, 04:10:35 PM »
Day 37 (02-10-2018)

Today was a good day, I didn't sleep that well but after I got up I got everything done that I wanted to do. After that I had a short day at work. After I was done working I got my finances straight and made sure that I'm saving money for the future. Then I went to my psychotherapist, there I told her about quitting porn and she was very supportive of it. She gave me compliments about the accomplishments I made in the past year and it felt really good. The I went to work out with a housemate of mine. After the workout we drank some drinks and had a good time. I really feel like I'm coming out of my social isolation. Life is looking better each day!

25
Ages 20-29 / Re: My Journal, an attempt to abstain
« on: October 01, 2018, 04:06:14 PM »
Day 36 (01-10-2018)

Today was a good day. I'm still doing my meditation and it is going better by the day. Also I did a lot today, first I had a good day at work. After work I went straight to the gym to train for my 4 mile run. After that I made dinner and did my laundry. After that I fold my other laundry and did my dishes. After my dishes I ironed my clothes from the previous laundry. Then I sweeped up the common halway from my building and after that I cleaned the floor. It has been a long time ago that I had the energy to do all that stuff. I really feel I'm getting better, but I still suffer from the withdrawal symptoms.

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