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Messages - MinneapolisGuy

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1
Ages 30-39 / Re: 36 year old virgin dealing with porn addiction and PIED
« on: January 31, 2020, 12:47:44 PM »
Day 125

Had my testosterone levels tested last week which I hadn't had done since 8 years. Dr. said everything looks good. What's strange though is that my levels are seemingly higher now than before.

2018:

Albumin 4.6 g/dL
Testosterone 951.9 ng/dL
Sex Hormone Binding Globulin   50.7 nmol/L
Testosterone Free (Calculated) 16.66 ng/dL

2010:

Testosterone 483 ng/dL
Sex Hormone Binding Globulin   20 nmol/L

I know I’m responding to a post from nearly a year ago but I’ve been reading various threads and came across this. I’m a doctor who knows quite a bit about hormone therapy. Your total testosterone is fine but your sex hormone binding globulin is way to high and this your free testosterone although in the normal range is pretty low. For example my total testosterone is about the same as yours but free testosterone is double yours. One thing you can do to naturally treat that is supplement with boron. Take 6 mg twice daily. The NOW or Life Extension brands are both good. You may notice some improvements with higher free testosterone.

Took me forever to reply to this but thank you very much for your input. I will definitely look more into this. I will so give a bit of an update later too. Happy new year everyone!

2
Ages 30-39 / Re: 36 year old virgin dealing with porn addiction and PIED
« on: October 07, 2019, 10:12:15 PM »
How do you guys avoid falling into the PMO trap when you're feeling extrealy depressed? Virtually every time I've had a relapse, it's always involved a deep sense of depression to the point where I just want to block the pain with something and that something always ended up being PMO.

What's the best way of dealing with those emotions and never falling into that trap again?

3
Ages 30-39 / Re: 36 year old virgin dealing with porn addiction and PIED
« on: September 06, 2019, 06:10:33 PM »
Not much of an update, but more about my current mood. For whatever reason, I've been feeling really lonely and depressed. I have moments when I feel ok and then there's others that I feel as though all I want to do is cry. I'm not about to PMO but I do recognize that these types of feelings have kept me failing over and over again because I've used it as a way to cope. Unfortunately, I've used porn as a substitute for the loving girlfriend I've never had.

4
Ages 30-39 / Re: 35 - Virgin - Depressed - PIED? PLEASE HELP ME!
« on: August 07, 2019, 10:08:26 PM »
That's great news! I've also had a bit of improvement too. I hope you're doing great and improving each day!  :)

5
Ages 30-39 / Re: 36 year old virgin dealing with porn addiction and PIED
« on: August 07, 2019, 10:06:07 PM »
Bit of an update. I just went out on a date with a girl 2 days ago and it went great! We spent 6 hours together. She said she had an excellent time with me and looks forward to seeing me again soon! I've actually mentioned this same girl briefly before a while back when I said I was talking to her and later noticed that I had some precum in my underwear afterwards. I actually noticed this happened again after our date too!

I've also noticed that since then, I've seen more precum in the morning and seem a little bit more responsive than I have been lately also. In addition to that, I've also made it to my latest 30 day streak of nofap. I feel bad that my current streak isn't much longer than this as I've had multiple relapses. But so far, these last 30 days haven't felt all that difficult .

6
maybe checking out stuff like taoist sexual practices may help,  check the multiorgasmic lover by jim benson for example, or other stuff like that, search sexual kung fu, taoist sex, tantra, etc,  from what i read, you have no interest in going back to porn ever, which means half your battle is already won

i think you are familiar with mindfulness? if not check shinzen young work, it´s very good.

I will definitely look into that. Thank you for the advice.

7
start looking for someone and as you gain experience you can improve. It does not have to be a girlfriend necessarily. You can go testing with sex workers. It is much better because you will have less fear and psychological pressure.


As more I read your case, but it gives me the idea that your problem is lack of sexual experience. To you, porn is not what has hurt you, but rather the lack of physical contact with a real woman.
BAD, BAD, BAD, BAD, BAD IDEA!!!

Don't do this! It's appalling advice. Sex workers do not provide a natural or supportive environment for getting over sexual anxiety. The only things that will help are situations that make you feel emotionally secure. That means you have to develop your confidence with a real person who gives you feedback that they are happy to be there with you - not somebody who is jaded with sex and has devalued it to a mechanical transaction that disgusts them at heart.

Did I mention, BAD IDEA?

@jorge2166 I appreciate you taking the time to reply to my thread. But honestly, I'd rather just go without than ever seek out a prostitute. Yes, I want to experience having successful sex. No question about that. However, there are other things that I have now realized that are of a greater importance that I want for myself such as actually being able to share affection and feel close to a woman for the first time. Sex I hope would definitely be a part of that experience but, it's not something that I desire above all else.

8
Interesting video I found. It dosen't talk about porn or PIED specifically but it still talks about the same principles of how internet use can sometimes negitivly rewire our brains

https://youtu.be/l_FZK1ROO0A


9
Thanks for the support. I don't always feel asexual but almost never really turned on by anything. There are times I might get somewhat of an errection in the morning but that's usually it and those go away quickly.

There is one girl I met a while back. She lives in my neighborhood. One night we ran into each other on the bus and chatted for a few minutes after we got to our stop. I didn't feel turned on really but that night after I went to bed, I had a dream that we were having sex. It's strange because I generally almost never have dreams about sex anymore. Usually the only time I may have a dream about sex is when I'm on a months long streak of nofap.

She actually ended up giving me her number but as of right now, were just friends. I'm suspicious there's some interest but I'm not gonna think too much of it like I've done before.

10
Not much of an update but I thought I'd post anyway.

I ended up canceling all of my remaining appointments with my therapist a while back and have since then just been trying to do things on my own. I'm not completely ruling out ever going to see another therapist but as of now, I just feel uninterested as I feel too many therapists would most likely have the same mindset regarding this type of issue.

Admittedly, I haven't been doing well with my current progress. I've had multiple streaks broken out of not being able to handle stress properly.

As of late I've been feeling extremely lonely and hopeless. As much as I want to be able to return to my normal fuction and be able to have sex, I feel as though living a life without never once being able to experience the companionship and affection of a woman has been the most difficult and painful thing to deal with. It's something that's made me feel incredibly lost and sad.


11
Ages 30-39 / Re: 35 - Virgin - Depressed - PIED? PLEASE HELP ME!
« on: April 26, 2019, 08:32:25 PM »
I just don't see how actively MOing is going to help when it seems as though you always feel worse?


12
Ages 30-39 / Re: 35 - Virgin - Depressed - PIED? PLEASE HELP ME!
« on: April 23, 2019, 08:43:24 PM »
Acceptance of this will most likely lead you right back to full on PMO again. I know how it feels to feel as tho nothing is getting better. I know how it feels to think that everybody has someone but you.

Our situation and background is basically the same. PIED, religious background, and almost the same age. Ultimately it's your decision but what I'm trying to say to you is don't give in or give up.

I've mentioned this before but I think you should seriously go to a doctor to if anything just to eliminate any orher possible things that could be a cause. I know you said before you didn't need to go to one because you already knew the problem but I really think there's nothing wrong with just being checked out just in case. The funny is while my therapist doesn't believe that PIED exist, my urologist told me that it's definitely something real.

I know you mentioned you belive you might have issues with your hormones and your body becoming more feminine. If that's the case then you definitely need to be checked out because it could even be a case of low testosterone. It might not be but what I'm saying to you is just try and elliminate all possibilities. It's well worth doing, imo.


13
Ages 30-39 / Re: 35 - Virgin - Depressed - PIED? PLEASE HELP ME!
« on: April 23, 2019, 01:15:24 PM »
Why do you believe that MOving isn't bad for you right now when you've said before they've always seemed to make your erections weaker?

14
Ages 30-39 / Re: 35 - Virgin - Depressed - PIED? PLEASE HELP ME!
« on: April 20, 2019, 12:48:33 PM »
I think @Joosh intentions are genuine but I don't think he can quite understand what people like you and me have been through when it comes to religion. When you've had your entire childhood saverly impacted as the direct result of fanatical religious practices to the point where it has even damaged your life as an adult, it becomes highly less likely that someone in our shoes would ever want to turn to any religion.

I don't disrespect or even dislike people just because they are religious. There are people that I care about and respect who are religious. But that still dosen't mean I have any desire or longing for religion back in my life, because I don't. I'm still not happy in life. But one thing is for sure, I'm happier than I was with religion.

15
However it is not your job to change his mind, you obviously do have a problem with porn. It is your experience with it that leads you to your beliefs, and he is asking you to change your beliefs without knowing your experience. You could go down that route or you could find another therapist who shares your beliefs that porn causes ED.

Believe me, I'm not really concerned at all with changing his mind about porn and ED. During my last visit, he was actually this one to bring it up. To me it seems as though he's uncomfortable for some reason with the idea that I would ever consider porn as being an issue or even the fact I mentioned to him that one of my goals was to leave it forever. His response was "why would you consider porn and masturbation a bad thing? It can be a great way to take care of your own sexual needs." On top of that, he also assumes that my desire to leave porn alone is somehow rooted in being uneducated in sex as he also asked me if wanting to do so was rooted in religious beliefs. I told him no and said that I wouldn't even probably be against the idea or using porn if it had not been for the fact that I believe it's directly connected to my ED issues and that I had a history of compulsive use over the years in order to cope with this such things as stress, loneliness and depression. 

And after he felt that I wasn't still sold on the idea that PMO has zero links to ED, he then asked me "So, lets say if science proved porn use and ED were connected, what would it mean for you?" I then said to me it doesn't really matter if it's necessarily backed by science or not. The only thing I want to do is to be able to find a solution to my issues.

I would say this about your therapist, "run fast, run far"...

What this person is doing is proselytising a position without actually having looked at it properly himself. He's using his authority to overpower your own thoughts on the matter. I would confidently wager that he has not looked at all the material presented on YBOP and in particular especially Gary Wilson's work. There is actually a good deal of science pointing to PIED being real and the comparison with addiction. Regardless of how your therapist wants to pigeon-hole the definitions, it's foolhardy at best to be declaring porn to be not only ok, but of therapeutic benefit to somebody who has openly been negatively affected by it. He is trying to overwrite your own issues with porn and come around to his way of thinking about it. I'll bet he is a porn user himself. This is not somebody you want to be working with. You will not get anywhere good by working with somebody who denies your reality and replaces it with his own. Believe me, if you feel you have a problem with porn, you have a problem with porn.

As I said, run fast, run far. What an ignorant Charlatan...

Interesting you bring up him possibly being a porn user himself as that was actually something that crossed my mind during our last session. He seemed to really be stuck, even concerned about the idea of me thinking porn could be harmful or even just wanting to stop the habit altogether even though I had told him from day one, I wanted to leave it in the past. 


I wanted to write a long reply, but Malando leapfrogged me. Waste your money elsewhere. This guy can't help. Much worse, he will hurt your progress, if you continue to go to him and listen to him!

I have a few more sessions scheduled with him. But honestly at this point, I'm seriously just considering doing everything without a therapist now. I think it's basically a hit or miss when dealing with one. That doesn't mean going to one couldn't help but that's just how I'm feeling right now.

Practicing mindfulness whilst viewing porn and abstaining from PMO may help you transcend the bonds you have with it.

That's an interesting approach and while I might consider doing that if I feel I keep failing, right now I don't think that would be the best option for me. I don't even have to touch myself at times while watching porn to organism. Sometimes if I'm just binging enough, I'll end up organisming with no manual stimulation at all. 

16
Thank you all for the replies,

I've been doing alright I guess but I've admittedly have had many relapses during my absence. So I'm very much still struggling.

There are quite a few things I'd like to touch on but first, I'd like to talk about my meeting with my therapist yesterday and how that went. 

First of all my sociologist seems to be very concerned with the fact that I view compulsive PMO as being an addiction. He said the that the notion that PMO can be responsible for ED is false because there is no scientific research backing it. He also stated that there is an "agenda" going on with many individuals including some psychologists to push the idea the porn can cause ED just to make a profit.

After he said this I pointed out the countless communities such as this one with many guys such as myself who suffer from the same issues and symptoms with porn use being the common link between us all. I asked him if there as no link to porn being the cause then how can this be explained? His reply was pretty much that he didn't know specifically but that it can't be related to porn because there isn't anything scientific supporting it.

He also told me that he doesn't believe that there is anything inherently wrong with using porn as it often recommended in some sex therapy situations and the fact that it has existed in some form or another throughout the history of man. I then pointed out the fact that high speed internet with the combination of porn use was never seen or consumed before until the last decade but he pretty much dismissed there being any link between that and ED in young men who use porn.

He even told me that told me that if I wanted to continue using porn, that it would be absolutely fine. I then asked that if it's ok to use porn, then what is the exact purpose of the exercises he recommended me which he said in the beginning were to help me concentrate on the feeling of sensations and being able to achieve erections without the use of porn. He then told me it was fine to use porn while doing the exercises just as long I'm focusing on the sensations I feel.

I then asked him that if using porn can't cause any changes within the brain, then why is it that I have found it harder to experience arousal as easily as I had before and why is it that things that I had always found arousing in the past no longer did anything for me after years of excessive PMO? His answer was simply that perhaps I just like other things now.

So apparently by his logic, we're just all a bunch of guys in the same place, with many of the same problems all by chance. If fact, by that same logic, alcohol addiction didn't exist until it was backed by science even though people have used and abused alcohol for centuries.     

Please share your thoughts. Thanks guys.

17
Hi guys,

Sorry for not updating this thread sooner but I recently got a new job and have simply been a bit distracted by a few other things as well. I'm going to see my therapist again this coming Wednesday but I would like to share the things we talked about during our last few sessions as well as a few of my own personal observations of things.

There were there questions I asked him during our last session:

1.How to deal with feelings of loneliness, sadness, and isolation without out falling back into bad habits?

2.How to deal with strong urges?

3.How to deal with the feeling of self consciousness of being a virgin?

4.Is it possible to recover/rewire from PIED being a virgin without a partner?


1. For this question he said the best way to deal with these types of feelings are to try being as socially active as possible. Such as going out with friends or going to new places to potentially new people with using such things as Meetup events. I haven't personally done any meet ups yet but I  been going out a bit more lately which I think has helped a bit.

2. This was relatively the same advice as 1. Trying to stay active and social as possible in order occupy myself with things other than PMOing.

3. With this question he said when meeting women, it isn't necessary to lead with that info. I understood that but I also asked him what to do when asked a question like "when was your last relationship?" He then said I could just say it's been a really long time. I told him that I didn't feel really comfortable with that because it's still pretty much lying. He then suggested that I could try only revealing that information down the line if in a situation where me and a woman began to share some personal details about ourselves.

4. For this question he said that it you can definitely recover from PIED without a partner. For this he recommended doing an exercise which involves touching/stoking your penis while it's completely flaccid until you achieve your strongest erection possible. Once that is achieved, rest and wait until your penis becomes completely flaccid again and then repeat the process. He recommend doing this at least 2 times a day but can be perform more if possible.  The point of this exercise is break your minds habit of becoming aroused by pornographic/digital stimulation and instead concentrate on the sensations you feel while performing this exercise.

In addition to that he also recommended 2 books to me. "The New Male Sexuality", (which he above exercise was taken from) and another one called "Coping with Erectile Dysfunction: How to Regain Confidence and Enjoy Great Sex"


Me personality, while I am performing the exercises, I do find it to be very opposite of what what we all know about rebooting/rewiring and NOT touching ourselves. I brought that concern up to him but in short he said he pretty much feels that notion is false.

In addition to that, he also stated to me something very interesting as he said that there is no such thing as sexual addiction because no one can actually be diagnosed with it by a medical professional and be prescribed anything for it. He instead believes that PMO is simply more so a compulsive disorder instead of a drug addiction for example addiction which would involve a chemical dependency. I asked him what was the difference between compulsive behavior and an addiction and he said that for example an alcoholic would be told never drink again but someone with compulsive sex issues would not be told to never have sex again. This something that doesn't make complete sense to me, but I'd like to hear what some of you guys opinions are on this? 

All feedback and questions welcomed.

Thanks again guys 

18
Ages 30-39 / Re: 36 year old virgin dealing with porn addiction and PIED
« on: January 25, 2019, 08:47:08 PM »
Sure. I'll definitely share more info once I get back from seeing him again next week.

19
Ages 30-39 / Re: 36 year old virgin dealing with porn addiction and PIED
« on: January 23, 2019, 11:21:44 PM »
Ok, I had my first meeting with a sex therapist 2 days ago. Went pretty well so far. The experience wasn't as intimidating or embarrassing as I had originally thought it would be. Having my second meeting next week Monday where he said we would discuss further about a plan of action on how to approach these issues. 

20
Ages 30-39 / Re: 36 year old virgin dealing with porn addiction and PIED
« on: January 15, 2019, 11:27:39 PM »
That's really good to hear. Thanks so much for the well wishes.

21
Ages 30-39 / Re: 36 year old virgin dealing with porn addiction and PIED
« on: January 15, 2019, 09:56:54 AM »
Unfortunately, I've admittedly had a few relapses since my last reported one here. During all of my reboot atemps I always had struggles a lot durning certain periods and for me, getting past the initial 12 - 18 days has always been one of them.

I almost feel like my brain is a master manipulator and I haven't figured out all his tricks yet. I do feel like loneliness is a major factor tho. And sometimes those thoughts turn into "I'm just gonna always feel this way so what's even the point of this?" but I know that it's just my brain trying to trick me again and use those feelings against me.

Anyway, I'm headed to see a therapist for the first time next week. I'll be sure to give an update after. I'm down but I'm not out. I still feel embarrassed and depressed that I let my longest streak go tho.

22
Ages 30-39 / Re: 36 year old virgin dealing with porn addiction and PIED
« on: December 14, 2018, 12:58:19 AM »
Day 1 complete

Thought I'd never have to say that again.

23
Ages 30-39 / Re: 36 year old virgin dealing with porn addiction and PIED
« on: December 13, 2018, 12:29:34 PM »
This is a lesson to myself and anyone else who reads this. Giving in to even the slightest form of digital stimulation no matter how harmless it may seem can lead to a full blown relapse, and absolutely none of it is worth it.

I'm feeling really down and depressed with myself right now.


24
Ages 30-39 / Re: 36 year old virgin dealing with porn addiction and PIED
« on: December 13, 2018, 07:08:07 AM »
It was a terrible mistake. I didn't have any idea that would happen but it just goes to show that you can never feel too confident to the point that you think you can't mess up and that the slightest things can trigger you. And no, I will not be testing anything either. I think that would make matters worse for me.

I feel like I've really let myself down and everyone here who's been following my thread to. Time will tell, but I don't think I've lost all of my progress. Only thing I can do now is go back and make sure it never happens again, which it will not.

I'm sorry to those of you who might have been looking at me as inspiration. I think this is simply a case of boardom and extreme loneliness getting the better of me. But like I said, this mistake will not happen again, period.

25
Ages 30-39 / Re: 36 year old virgin dealing with porn addiction and PIED
« on: December 12, 2018, 11:05:45 PM »
I feel like fucking shit right now.

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