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Messages - HumbleRich

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1
Ages 30-39 / Re: Rich's 90 Days
« on: Today at 11:30:52 AM »
Drunk.  Back at the dorms.  And I slipped.  Back to 0/90. 

Rich

2
Porn Addiction / Re: Intense cravings today...
« on: January 18, 2019, 10:29:55 PM »
Dealing with this exact situation right this second.  So perhaps if I respond it will help both of us.  I really recommend any of the books by Jon Kabat Zinn, who is a meditation and mindfulness teacher.  One of the things I have  learned from mindfulness is when you have strong, potentially overpowering thoughts or feelings, sit down and just sit with your thoughts.  Don't do anything.  Just sit with them.  Meditate over them.  Recognize they are thoughts.  Extrapolate them.  Look into what the implications or results of these thoughts would be.  But most of all, recognize that they are only thoughts.  They aren't you.  You don't have  to do anything.

You essentially want to cheat on your girlfriend by engagin sexually with this other woman through email.  Ok, why?  Just sit with that thought for a moment.  Take it apart and put it back together.  Why engage sexually with this other girl, rather than your girlfriend? 

You feel pressured because of your addiction to check those emails.  Why?  What are you getting from that?

Just sit there with your thoughts and I promise you that you can beat them.

Rich

3
Ages 30-39 / Re: Rich's 90 Days
« on: January 18, 2019, 10:12:58 PM »
I just wrote a really long post, but then my computer crasjed on me.  Oh well, it was probably for the best as I was doing a lot of overanalysing.  I just feel overwhelmed by a lot of stuff right now.  Especially feelings.  The good  thing is I am not throwing it all on my wife , but finding other ways to deal with stress.

Memories of porn videos I watched keep popping up in my head.  I just need to stand my ground and ignore them.

Keep on trucking.

Rich

4
Ages 30-39 / Re: Rich's 90 Days
« on: January 18, 2019, 07:31:20 PM »
Thanks, guys!

Day 49/90!!!  I can't wait to announce 50/90 tomorrow, but let's not count our chickens before they hatch.  Yep, those middle circle behaviors yesterday were a mistake.  I tend to define middle circle as looking for images to look at.  Especially when those images are not erotic, but close.  I don't even allow myself to look up pictures of actresses at all.  It is just too easy to go down the downward spiral.  Things I do not consider middle circle are three second glances at women in real life.  I feel that it is healthy to appreciate beauty and it can even help the brain to rewire to natural and real sexuality.  I always come home with my wife, and I have no urge to pursue women I find attractive.  It is more just a thought of "wow, she is good looking" and then I move on with my life.  I think these thoughts are natural and healthy.  And I never compare my wife to any other women.  My attraction and love to my wife is beyond comparison. 

Today I have to get some emails done, finish the chores.  Have a good one, guys.

Rich

5
Ages 30-39 / Re: Rich's 90 Days
« on: January 18, 2019, 08:18:24 AM »
I apologize for lashing out.  I appreciate that everyone else here is on their own journey, just like me.  I will  stop posting elsewhere and focus exclusively on my own reboot for the next few weeks.  Thanks for the support, guys.  I appreciate it.

Rich

6
Ages 30-39 / Re: Rich's 90 Days
« on: January 18, 2019, 06:54:18 AM »
Not that anyone cares, but I did get through this night by giving my wife a massage.  Now I am about to go out for some medicine.  I wish I didn't look at those bikini pics, but I ended up not following through on the pmo ritual, by going on to more explicit images and masturbating.  I consider this a victory.

Day 48/90 almost complete.  Going to finish the day clean.

Rich

7
Ages 30-39 / Re: Rich's 90 Days
« on: January 18, 2019, 04:50:42 AM »
Day 48/90.  Friday night.  I took some packages to the post office and sent them off after work.  Then I grabbed a couple of beers, came back home.  I cleaned the bathroom and am waiting for it to dry before I put everything back on the counters and go on to something else.  I am still feeling sick.

And to be completely honest.  I feel like I am sliding off of the edge of the cliff, guys.  I already looked at some bikini pictures.  Whether you call it middle circle, or whatever, it isn't a complete ritual, but it is definitely not good.  I won't be surprised if I act out tonight. 

That is the reason I got on my laptop to write this.  It isn't perfect, but it is much harder for me to access stuff inconspicuously on this.  Also, I can write in this journal.

My wife is healing and our marriage is slowly rebuilding.  She has set up boundaries about how much time she gets to herself and stuff.  We do spend some time together.  I know this is what is best and I know this is her healing and giving herself what she needs.  But I can't help feeling lonely.  And we all know what that leads to...

All I can do is remind myself that those people: the models on Reddit, the porn stars, they don't care about me.  They don't know me.  There is nothing real there.

My marriage.  That is real.  I am grateful for my wife.  I am grateful for our relationship and marriage.  I am grateful for it all.

It is probably just stress, all of this.  And I need to take it in its stride.

Just taking it one day at a time and enjoying the journey.

If I fall from the horse tonight, I'm sorry.  But if I manage to stay strong, it is all worth it in the end.

Rich

8
Porn Addiction / Re: Why NOT to PMO
« on: January 18, 2019, 02:34:24 AM »
I would like to make two points here so that this post doesn't get misconstrued, reported, or deleted.

1.  I am in no way saying that being a porn addict is the same or as severe as being raped.  Obviously it is not, amd i would never be as cold hearted as to say such a thing.  What I am saying, quite clumsily, is that both are based around domination.  That the objective is to get something from the other person.  That both are about domination or coercion. 

Perhaps there was a better way of making my poi t.

2.  I am not sayi g that you must be in a relationship with someone to ha e sex wkth them.  When  I use the word "couple", I literally  mean two people who are engaging in sex.  My point, ultimately, is that regardless of whether you are having a one night stand or are making love to your romantic partner, there is equality and respect in the relationship in which you do so. 

Thanks,

Rich

9
Porn Addiction / Why NOT to PMO
« on: January 17, 2019, 11:32:10 PM »
Hello everybody,

I just had one of the biggest anxiety episodes I have ever experienced  just a second ago (I hesitate to call it actual anxiety attack because 1.  I have not been formally diagnosed with anxiety disorder and don't want to be insensitive to people who.do have it, and 2.  I didn't feel it compared to.that)  I will talk about how to deal with anxiety without jumping to porn in another post, but I thought I would share the rational reasons I do not view any porn or erotica.  I hope that these empower you when you have urges.

1.  Porn is about power, not sex

We hear all the time  that rape is not about sex at all, but men dominating women (in most cases) and having power over them.  Well, I believe that porn is the same thing.  It isn't  about sex, it is about the producer and actor dominating the viewer.  They know you are taking out your cock and masturbating to what you are watching or looking at.  They have you by the balls.  They quite literally have you exactly where they want you, with your cock out.  If, like me, you preferred to check out adult models and amateur models on Reddit, you are quite literally being controlled by that model.  Do you think that they don't know what they are doing?  They do.  They  know that as soon as they upload a photo, they have hundreds of men by the eyeballs.  They enjoy being worshipped in the comment thread.  They like the attention.  They feed off of it.  This is not an equal, respectful relationship.  This is one in which the uploader has all of the power.  They post photos, men get their cocks out.  I am not here to debate the philisophical or ethical merits of women "taking power back through the power of the internet".  I couldn't care less what any person does with their life.  But fellas we know better.

I say hell no.  I know what nudity represents in the real world : two loving people enticing eachother in a consensual relationship.  Love.  Engagement between two people in a romantic relationship at the most, and a mutually consenting sexual relationship at the least.  Either way there is respect between the two people.

2.  People should be modest about their privates

Don't post erotic pictures on the internet.  Just don't.  And don''t view the erotic images of others.  There is no reason to and my objection to this is elaborated on in the point above.  Our privates should be viewed by people we have sex with and/or people we are in a relationship.with.  no one else.

3.  Sex is something between a couple

I feel like I am repeating myself here, but I truly believe that sex is an experience and that removing sexuality from the context of the healthy relationship is blatantly wrong.

So there it is.  These are my personal beliefs and these are what I cling to, as one would a life jacket, when the urges come crashing in.  I hope these can inspire people and help all of you when the going gets tough.

Please feel free to add any ideas that are important to you as rebooters.  The ones that help you stay on the straight and narrow.  But I would rather that this not turn into a debate over philosophy.  We are all here for the same reason: to get rid of porn, erotica, and masturbation.  This is not a political post.  I am not saying that other people need to adopt these principles.  I am just saying that they are the principles I believe in and the ones I use. 

Thanks.

Rich




10
Ages 30-39 / Re: My Journey 2019
« on: January 17, 2019, 10:30:01 PM »
Hey dude,

For  me that is a sign that you really need to up.your reboot game.  You are on a date with this presumably gorgeous woman and you are thinking about.........porn?  I am not being judgmental here, just trying to get you to see.  You should haven been thinking about yoir date.  How you feel.about her.  Is there a connection?  Wjat is the sexual chemistry like?  What would it be like to.touch and have sex with her?  But your mind jumped to porn.  Do you see how odd that is?

I am not, by any means, saying that you should.ever rush a woman into.sex, but you should be explorimg the possibilities with this person in your own mind. 

Again, none of this js judgmental.  I have definitely been there.  Keep up the good work.

Rich

11
Ages 30-39 / Re: Time to put the pen to paper
« on: January 17, 2019, 06:15:42 PM »
Keep going CB, you are almost over the hurdle.  Keep it up!

Rich

12
Ages 30-39 / Re: Rich's 90 Days
« on: January 17, 2019, 07:36:25 AM »
Day 47/90.  Going strong.

Rich

13
Ages 30-39 / Re: Rich's 90 Days
« on: January 16, 2019, 09:50:18 PM »
Day 46/90.  Sick with some kind of  cold.  This has  happened twice a year since I moved to South Korea.  I think it  is pollution.  Wife is well.  Marriage is well.  Busy preparing to move.  We habe taken several steps toward tbat direction.  Busy, busy, busy.  Love is all.around.  just need to open your eyes.

Peace, guys.

Rich

14
Ages 30-39 / Re: Rich's 90 Days
« on: January 16, 2019, 08:44:28 AM »
Day 45/90.

Rich

15
Ages 30-39 / Re: Rich's 90 Days
« on: January 15, 2019, 07:14:57 AM »
Day 44/90.

Rich

16
Porn Addiction / Re: Dating sites?
« on: January 12, 2019, 06:57:20 PM »
Use legitimate dating sites and you shoukd be fine.  Avoid Tinder and women who post raunchy pics like the plague.  From what I habe observed from.afar, they are people.who.just like attention from men (plural).  They use raunchy pics to get men on the hook.  Obviously, you don't want to.be anywhere near that.  Plenty of Fish and Match.com shoukd be decent with people who really want relationships.

Rich

17
Porn Addiction / Re: "Free January" challenge
« on: January 12, 2019, 06:52:22 PM »
Day 41/90.

Rich

18
Porn Addiction / Re: "Free January" challenge
« on: January 12, 2019, 06:51:36 PM »
Cut it out, guys.  Clean means NO PORN, or even erotica, and if you are cutting out masturbation then no mb.  You guys who are edging or peeking aren't  rebooting.  You're just building your own demise.  It is time to.get serious.  That means unless there is a real naked woman in your bedroom it is no deal.  Time to get serious.

Rich

19
Ages 30-39 / Re: Rich's 90 Days
« on: January 12, 2019, 03:38:48 AM »
I just want to brag that I took a practice test from my ftce general knowledge textbook from cliffotes and I passed all subtests.  And found out my essay was way too short.  But I kind of knew that already.  I tend to write very concisely.  I feel quite good about this result.  Tomorrow I am going to go over the official study guide from the Department of Ed website.  See how I do there. 

I am out of the house and my wife wants space for the rest of the evening.  It doesn't relate (completely) to what happened last weekend, but because she and I work at the same place she likes alone time sometimes.  I understand.  So far, so good this weekend.  I am going to go give myself a pass on having a beer on my own now, since I can't think of anything else to do with myself.

Clean and feeling good.

Rich

20
Ages 30-39 / Re: Rich's 90 Days
« on: January 11, 2019, 09:59:58 PM »
Checking in on Saturday morning, day 40/90.  Average Saturday.  No fighting with the wife.  No intensity.  We are both just relaxing before work on Monday.  I have planned to arrange for our move back to America, starting with an Airbnb to stay in for two months while we look for a permanentish place to stay (for at least the next two or three years).  I am looking forward to Florida, and FINALLY being back in the States.  I am about to email my mother for help in receiving us at the airport and getting us to our destination in Florida.  You see, my driver’s license expired, so I am going to have to go through the process of getting that again.  Moving is a big deal.  And I am looking forward to moving back to the States, closer to family.  So why the depression I sense coming in?  I know that both my wife and I would much rather live in England.  That is a multi step process though.  Starting with getting teaching experience, making a change in my career so that I can apply for jobs in England (I am a dual citizen, and then going through the process of getting my wife a visa.  (This will be years down the road). And I suppose I am starting to see flaws in the plan, even before it has started.  Will there be jobs in what I want to do in England?  Would they be willing to hire a guy who has spent most of his life in the US?  The British can be very proud people and may be disinterested in a perceived foreigner, even one with a valid British passport.  Will it all work out?  The mindful person in me tells me to make peace with reality. 

Anyway, now that I have babbled on.  I still have those urges.  And often when I am feeling 5e numbness of depression I have the strongest urges to act out.  Anything to “feel something”.  The irony is now, forty days clean, I feel things more exquisitely than ever.  It is one of the many contradictions of being clean. 

I will be back to write more.  I am here (even if I am talking to myself) and clean.  Working to pay for my mistakes, make up for everything, and trying to build the best life and marriage I can.  None of this, I am reminded, could I do if I was rapping every day. 

Thanks,

Rich

21
Ages 30-39 / Re: Rich's 90 Days
« on: January 11, 2019, 09:22:19 AM »
Checking out for bed on the night of39/90.  Good night folks.

Rich

22
Porn Addiction / Re: Are we losing the culture war?
« on: January 11, 2019, 06:56:03 AM »
Suffice it to say, I can't help but think that we are going to lose and the porn corporations and businesses, with the help of SJWs will keep porn alive forever.  But at least this site is here to help those who want a way out.  May that always be the case.

Rich

23
Porn Addiction / Re: Are we losing the culture war?
« on: January 11, 2019, 06:54:36 AM »
Wow!  I never thought this conversation would take off the way it has.  Amazing!  I just wish I could be as optimistic as everyone else.  All I see at work is unmarried people swiping left and right on a stupid smartphone app, with no end in sight.  All I see at home (from abroad on the internet) is sex being pushed into our faces.  I wouldn't be surprised in the slightest if statutory rape is dropped from law.  I see the promotion of lowering sex ed via the media, unleashing sex games to kids.  Pretty soon parents will have no means to raise their kids.  Which is basically the plan.  We will be forced to let our kids "be free".  I feel very afraid for the next generation, and for the kids my wife and I want to have.  Pretty soon giving "the talk" to your kids will be hate speech.  But hey, at least our population will likely go up. [Sarcasm].

I'm sorry about getting political, but I feel like you can't avoid it when discussing this topic.  It is completely and unavoidably a political topic.  You either feel that sex is a beautiful, private matter that should be enjoyed by consenting adults (over 18), or you believe that it is something that should be freely enjoyed, uncontrolled, no rules attached.

How do you you run a country without rules?  How do you regulate anything in a world where kids can be sexual?  How do you raise children? 

I feel like we are seeing the giant, ugly grin on the face of the far left, finally, as we lose our ability to protect our children or privately raise them.  It is a sad time to be a parent. 

24
Porn Addiction / Re: A question from a female to guys (help needed)
« on: January 11, 2019, 06:44:27 AM »
My apologies, Selena.  I will read more closely from now on. 

Rich

25
Porn Addiction / Re: Porn Addiction and Evangelical Christianity
« on: January 11, 2019, 06:38:57 AM »

I'm actually in the UK. I expect that Christianity in the UK is just as bad as the US and Canada. American evangelicalism has a great influence over the churches I've attended (especially the last one I was at).
[/quote]

I'm inclined to agree with Doneatlast, Thisisme.  Maybe we have had different experiences, but as a British/American who was baptized in the Anglican church and who continued to practice the Anglican and Episcopalian tradition in America, I think that British Christianity is much more liberal and practical than what is found in the US.  (I realize that I just said I practiced in the Episcopal church in the US, but I still consider it a very British version of Christianity).  I am an atheist and consider the idea of God utterly ridiculous (but I support the first amendment), but I have to say the British tradition, as I have known it is the most liberal.  Charles Darwin is buried at Westminster Abbey (an Anglican Church), evolution was long ago canonized as official church doctrine, and a gay bishop was elected (in America).  There are many women serving in the church in the US.  Basically, if I had to support a Christian church, it would be the Church of England. 

Rich

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