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Messages - Grandson_of_Thatcher

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Ages 20-29 / Re: Let's bring this addiction to the ground
« on: July 09, 2017, 12:19:54 PM »
Hi Live_and_laugh, personally I only feel mental urges, or so I perceive them. I do not perceive them as 'biological', it is more of a thought developing in my head: 'I want to watch porn' and trying to take over.
I think it is mostly my mental state that brings the urges. One reason I think this is that when I dream about porn, it is not a wet dream (anymore). It is a dream where my emotions and my mentality are the main 'characters' of the act.
Do you not feel any sexual urges whatsoever? I do also feel urges or wantings for sex, altough those are better ignored. It is our ancient instinct, confirmed by society (nature and nurture), crying out for the act, altough waiting for a relationship is the less stupid thing to do in my opinion.

Good luck with your withdrawal,

Ages 20-29 / Re: Let's bring this addiction to the ground
« on: July 08, 2017, 01:26:04 PM »
Thanks Manish, I'll do :)
Siphus: I was chilling around the lake and reading a book, it's five minutes away from my shared appartment. My surprise turned out very well, they really enjoyed it! The last time, I had more than enough time to connect with friends, it's really nice! Thanks for the support.

Day 25:
Today was a fulfilling day: I worked from 8:00 am to 13:00 pm, played some piano, cooked some Indian food.
Days like this are calm days and the nice thing about calm days is that you can appreciate the little things: Good indian food (tough a little too much added chili), the nice I.P.A. with it (Punk I.P.A. from Brew Dog, real recommendation if you appreciate a bit more hop and bitterness in your beer!), taking care of your shoes and beautiful classical music.
Why would I need porn?

Tonight I could watch a serie or a movie, but I already watched that yesterday and the day before. I shouldn't make a habit of it. This evening I'm going to read some literature and call it an early day.

I wish you all as much blessings as I have, even more than mine,

Ages 20-29 / Re: Quitting P and M!
« on: July 08, 2017, 12:57:59 PM »
Although at the end of the day, we're only human, we are all in a pretty similar position if we are on this site - we are sick and tired of porn, how it enslaves us and the problems it causes.

That's what I like too about this site. Sometimes other people's thoughts are presented in such a way, that you realise that you're really disgusted by the effects of porn. It's like other people give you your reasons not to watch porn.
Nice technique and good that it is working for you.

All the best,

Ages 20-29 / Re: Let's bring this addiction to the ground
« on: July 06, 2017, 11:22:55 AM »
Day 23:

The last few days have been very enjoyable: I've read some literature about human excentricity which was very insightful, made pizzas with a dear old friend of mine and today I have enjoyed the sun in a local park. I promised a picture, so:

It is a lovely park where you can lay or sit and just watch the birds fly by and enjoy the weather and think.

I am enjoying life without porn and some of you are really helping a lot. By seeing your journals I feel connected and feel like I can share in your joy or your sadness.

Thanks for everything,

Ages 20-29 / Re: Ad altiora natus sum
« on: July 06, 2017, 10:58:39 AM »
I'm really happy for you! Those are the memories that can strengthen us, right?
You seem very focussed on the importance of the reboot and you seem to fight it very actively. I applaud that, it is an inspiration to me.
Tonight, there is going to be a sermon at a church nearby. I wasn't planning to go, but I will, in some kind of way, for you. I will thank God for your story and for your happiness.

God be praised indeed,

Ages 20-29 / Re: Rediscovering reasons to live
« on: July 06, 2017, 10:52:06 AM »
Not making sense is part of our human nature, luckily and sadly. It can give so much happiness, but also so much sadness. I hope you learned something from this streak you had and that you keep posting.
Don't stop because you have relapsed, even tough it all can feel meaningless,

Fortes Fortuna iuvat,

Ages 20-29 / Re: Feeling very angry!!!
« on: July 03, 2017, 04:45:34 PM »
Well, the first thing is: buy your train-tickets :p. Sorry for the lazy answer, but avoids a lot of bad shit like this.
Second... I don't know what to tell you, this just really sucks. I don't know if there is anything more but that in this case. Did you tell your mother that you were frustrated about her reaction? People tend to be more reasonable when you show them where you feel frustrated about like: 'When I'm in such a situation, I feel really alone and really afraid about the consequences and I am really dependent on someone else in these kind of situations'. People tend to sympathise more with you then. That's all I can give you!

Good you do not need to worry about porn anymore, keep it up,

Ages 20-29 / Re: Let's bring this addiction to the ground
« on: July 03, 2017, 04:31:10 PM »
Thanks Spiritseeker, that means a lot to me! If I'm not fully equipped, than I'll still have someone praying :).

Day 20:
Today was a sort of lazy-day. Not that I did nothing, my planning was just loose. I managed myself very well, I did forgot to take a picture of some nature for this journal: maybe tomorrow and otherwise the day after.
I do realise well-structured schemes are of great value in a reboot. That's what I need, so that's what I'll write:

Tomorrow is another free day (as is this whole week), so it will be filled with informal stuff:
8:00, I should have woken up by now. Taking a shower, eating, cleaning the shower, maybe some laundry.
10:00 Tomorrow-evening I'm going to have a night with the boys: I need to prepare a shopping-list, look with how many men we'll be and we're going to do a bit of bible talk: I still need to choose a part, any recommendations? Also, I shouldn't forget the pokerset.
Any extra time until 13:00 o' clock I can read.
13:00 lunch and playing the piano. Daily excercise is key.
15:00 coffee with some people I worked very closely with this year. I'm having a special thank you-present for them I'm looking forward to giving them.
After that it is groceries for the evening, cooking and having good quality time with my men.
I'm already looking forward to tomorrow.

It's 23:30 in my time-zone, too late for my liking. Luckily I have a week of. Going to bed now.
The best of yourself,

Ages 20-29 / Re: Rediscovering reasons to live
« on: July 03, 2017, 04:15:20 PM »
Really good to hear that from you, man!
Do keep in mind that those uncertainities are universal with friendships in the form of friend groups. I don't know your situation, but try looking how much you can relativate the feeling.
The urges are the real cancer, they can throw you so strangely out of balance. What keeps me standing, are two different things that are kind of in each other's extend:
  • No rebooter said ever: 'wow that was totally worth it' ten minutes after a relapse. Whatever I feel, I know with certainity edging onto scientific, that a relapse does not satisfy. Really being able to trust in that point, helped me a lot.
  • I try to live by the values my examples show me. Right now I'm typing it, I realise I need to do it more. I try to look at what I want to be and what I want to do, because if I want to be something but I do not do the things necessary to achieve me being that, I do not want to be that. I do not want to be a porn addict, I want to be wise, fit, healthy, happy, righteous and so much more. That means there is more than enough things to do and there should be way too little time for porn :)
I know these things can sound easy, sorry about that. I do not know your exact situation. I hope these things will help you!

I wish you more support than I could ever give to you,

Ages 20-29 / Re: Let's bring this addiction to the ground
« on: July 02, 2017, 10:01:47 AM »
Day 19,

I think it is time for a first reflection on the past (almost) three weeks:
My last three weeks were well-filled with useful activities and ways to develop and maintain myself.
The urges were present from time to time but were not (yet) of mind control-proportions.
I hope to keep finding meaning in the things I do, I really want some time of prayer and meditation tonight.
I'm already not that often in my room, but I can be out more than I currently am.

This weekend was very nice. I've been away with some very dear friends of mine. I will not see them very much anymore which saddens me. But hey, let's get our heads up in the air and not rest too long at these sad realities.
My future is a bit more unsure than I like, but I will be able to control it, so I need not to worry at the moment. Every day has its own worries.

Just now, I was thinking about what a day was like when I watched porn. PMO'ing was like a chore for me, not a treat. I've progressed since then and am glad I'm free.

Thank God,

Ages 20-29 / Re: Rediscovering reasons to live
« on: July 02, 2017, 09:44:19 AM »
Well done Siphus! How does the streak feel?

Good luck on your journey!

There are a lot of things that can help you keep your body healthy. For me, it is running thrice a week and occasionally touring on my bike. If you're unable to run, then you can start with riding a bike or swimming regularly. If you're not able tot that either, go look up a gym.
About eating healthy, I do not buy any food that contains excessive amounts of sugar: no soft drinks, no candy, cookies, cake, fruit juice whatever. Do you make your own meals? That also helps a lot, since you can eat as much vegetables as you need!
About the porn-problem, Retro Gamer summed it up pretty well. I would like to add two more steps:

Step 0) educate yourself! Go onto and look at some documentaries. They helped me underrstand my problem and WHY it is a problem.

Step 2.5) stay on this site and keep updating your journal! Be honest, talk to others, because we will probably be the people who understand your problem the best.

I hope this helps and you keep us updated,

Ages 20-29 / Re: Rediscovering reasons to live
« on: June 29, 2017, 03:38:41 PM »
Hello Siphus,

Great work, especially seeing where you came from!
Why would I do this to myself?

Well, if you didn't exactly hit the right string there! As long as you keep asking youself that, you know porn has no meaning. When I ask that and reflect on porn, it disgusts me.
How was your spiritual session yesterday?
By the way, amazing tradition, those habits are pure value.

All the strength for you this weekend, keep asking yoursel that question,

Ages 20-29 / Re: Let's bring this addiction to the ground
« on: June 29, 2017, 03:21:03 PM »
Day 16,

Study for this academic year has been finished, I passed my exams!
I'm still keeping busy, this weekend I'm holding a small beer tasting-event, which makes me really excited! Next week is a bit vacant, but after that I'll be busy with a 40-hours a week administrative job, that can help me advance my knowledge of accounting.

Goodness, this freedom feels good. I'm pursuing the things I like, reading the books that help me, playing the piano which calms me, hanging around with the people I love.
Still, I am pretty weak and the reboot is needed badly. I have som wet dreams the last time. It seems that more people here have had them during their reboot, so I'll just let them pass. I feel no guilt about them, altough they do show the bad side of my condition. I just acknowledge them. I never dreamed as much as now, it's amazing how your subconsciousness keeps thinking and creating so vividly!
I'm finally getting to play some more interesting pieces for piano, which is fulfilling.
This weekend I'll be gone, I'll see if I can keep you guys up to date.

I'd love to be your traveling companion :)
I was thinking, as you keep mentioning about studying or traveling to these beautiful areas, you could even post an occasional picture of your discoveries, which may or may not give you more impetus to do it. Who knows, thought I'd shoot the suggestion.
Your journey is inspiring, I'm just at the beginning so far. Keep it up!

Thanks, I'll be following you :). What an amazing idea, coming monday I'll post a picture of some of the landscape I go through.

The story of Joseph son of Jacob (before the 10 Commendments happen), from betrayed slave to governor is also very inspiring as he overcame sexual temptations and many hardships with his connection to God.

That story really shows how God and man can do amazing things together, but also that loyalty to God and the 'good life' can be a harsh and painful path. I love how even after Joseph is governor, he is still loyal and not corrupted by power, money, women. Nothing contemporary beats him down because he is founded in the Way of God!

I'll wish you the best this world has to offer your life,

Ages 20-29 / Re: Don't know what to write!!!
« on: June 27, 2017, 02:37:35 PM »
Hello Manishpamnani169,

Knowing that you're sovereign and you are responsible for your actions is key, yes.
May I ask you, what is it you want to achieve?

If you don't know what to write, you can talk about how your day was, if you've had urges or maybe even a relapse, you can ask for advice or share some knowledge or wisdom. Make it your own journal :)


Ages 20-29 / Re: Ad altiora natus sum
« on: June 27, 2017, 02:28:46 PM »
Hello Spiritseeker,

Looks like you're building a good foundation for your life! Wife in 2 years, a job, do you have any hobby's?
I also had the habit to surf the internet, which is dangerous, so I started to learn the piano.
Looking forward seeing how this day went for you!

All the best,

Ages 20-29 / Re: Let's bring this addiction to the ground
« on: June 27, 2017, 02:06:23 PM »
Day 14,

Things are going well. I'm getting through my days, but I'm still getting urges... which is the most logical thing you can imagine in a reboot, but I'm still sort of surprised by it! It's so dumb, the whole time I knew 'there will be urges' and now I think 'yeah, but wait: these urges try to persuade you and make you do supid things, how strange', forgetting that's the whole nature of the urge!

I can't stop but think about a story from Exodus: the Jews have escaped from their slavery in Egypt and are traveling through a desert. They are heading to the Promised Land which is this majestic land rich of milk and honey. However, the journey is so heavy that a lot of Jews tell their leader Moses that they want to return to their imprisonment and their awful conditions in Egypt.

I can not be one of those Jews that go back to their previous state. My imprisonment is one of numbness of mind and phallus, my pharaoh is a dopamine-goddess and I would be her horny acolyte. Her reward would be quick pleasure, no satisfaction, PI-ED and a unnatural image of sex that can brand me for years, maybe even life.

However, my God is the same as in Exodus: one that liberates. God, (representation of) light, life, order, joy, holiness, truth, leads the way.

Religious or no, I think we can all do with a bit more of those things, especially on our journey. Are you my traveling companion?

Hoping to hear your story,

Ages 20-29 / Re: Let's bring this addiction to the ground
« on: June 24, 2017, 04:37:23 PM »
Day 11,

On day 9 I had to stay awake until 4 in the morning (studentlife-related responsibilities). You can imagine that had an impact on my sleep last night. I slept for more than ten hours. No problem on itself, but the dreams...
I dreamt very passionately, altough I'd rather call it a vision, not of 'my' future, but of a possible future of me. The dream was simple. I was with some other people. Nothing much was happening, but I had very little remaining hair. My hair had fallen out and only few plucks of hair were remaining on my head on random places. It was ugly. A girl asked me if she had insects on her head. She had some. They were also on my head. They were disgusting little creatures that  were hard to remove and left marks where they let loose of my head. It was disgusting. I was disgusting.

I don't think I'm disgusting. I'm okay to fair looking, clothe myself well and am well built. This wasn't about my body, but about my spirit. My spirit has been leeched on. It has lost his innocence. Losing innocence is just a part of 'le condition humaine' but this was grotesque. Part of me had become a caricature of lust that sucked happines out of me in exchange for some quick satisfaction.
This was not a warning by means of fear, but by means of (hyperbolic) rationality, I don't need to fear my future, I just need to take good care of it.

Today, for the first time since my reboot, the urges were strong to masturbate. Then I read somewhere on the nofap subreddit the following: 'Gosh, that was amazing' said no rebooter ten minutes after masturbating ever.
After the first chuckle, this lightened my mood and put things in perspective. It was my prefrontal cortex that was given enough space to dominate my reward circuit again. Thanks rebootnation, thanks nofap-subreddit.
Today, I ran 6 km and rode my bike for over two hours. I'm getting fitter and I love it. Even better, ten minutes after my run or my ride, I'll still be fet.

Safety and happiness,

Ages 20-29 / Re: Let's bring this addiction to the ground
« on: June 22, 2017, 04:45:08 AM »
Day 9

I did not have time yesterday to write something. Still going strong.
Up until now, my road to recovery is going surprisingly well. I can manage.
My changed (or actually: changing) still feels like a novelty and not like a habit, which is pretty logical, it's only been a week. I know I'm heading into the right direction, that is not so hard to state. The more difficult questions are: how much am I heading in that direction and will I reach that destination? The first question I can not answer, but the second I answer positive.

All the best,

Ages 20-29 / Re: Trigger warning
« on: June 21, 2017, 05:40:03 AM »
Good day Manishpamnani169,

Well, it seems you know what you shouldn't do already, great! Have you already done some research on mastrubation and pornography? This lecture of Gary Wilson really helps me understand my problem:
It also really strengthened me in my battle and gave me a lot of hope which I'm currently changing into action.
How's your day?

Greetings and all the best things in the world,

Ages 20-29 / Re: Let's bring this addiction to the ground
« on: June 20, 2017, 03:38:43 PM »
Day 7

My room hasn't been this clean in days, my test tomorrow will hopefully go well and I find more time to read.
Still I feel boredom in my days, as if they are not filled enough. In some time I'll have a digital stage piano in my room, than I can develop myself in some new ways.
I still manage very well. A few times a day memories, thoughts and images lead me to think about porn. I can handle them, they are a nuisance.

Just plan your time and achieve it by living in the present, I use also customized alarm-clocks to stay disciplined although it's not easy. But I know for sure it gets easier as I stay in sublimation lifestyle.

It's more that I am kind of in some middle ground: at the end of this academic year, almost all of my tasks and activities have finished which gives me a lot of spare time. Next year, I might be able to start an internship or a work-group for a study-related congress or some thing alike which can help me progress.
I plan my days at the end of the one before, but I often have more time on my hands. I just need some time to adapt to not being so much on the internet. My city is very beautiful and there are plenty of places to go and just enjoy the weather, life in general or a book.

I wish you guys all the best in the world

Ages 20-29 / Re: Day 0
« on: June 19, 2017, 04:08:37 PM »
We're all here with you on the same reason. Good luck to you!
Have you already done some research for example on
It really helped me getting started.

All the best things in the world,

Ages 20-29 / Re: Let's bring this addiction to the ground
« on: June 19, 2017, 01:31:17 PM »
Day 6 without porn

No porn... No porn!
It is so simple but so much is changing, because if I don't want to float away, I need to change a lot.
My changes are working up until now. I work hard out of my house and when I come home, I try to be active. I just ran about 8 km and am now with a very good friend of mine. I told him abbout my addiction and my road to recovery and he was very understanding.

The problem is, everything seems okay, I just do not know what is out there and when it comes to get me. I'm in a state of kalopsya. How addicted am I, what will happen to me in some weeks, what if things start to turn bad? At the moment I can only try to prepare and acknowledge that I will have to get back to the ground. Hopefully I can land on my feet. I will keep you all up to date, thanks for reading,

I wish you all the best,

Porn Addiction / Re: Brain Fog and resisting NoFap
« on: June 18, 2017, 09:43:16 AM »
Starting with Nietzsche again, nice! Do you have a particular book you can recommend?
The brain fog is crazy, it seizes you without you even knowing it.
Do you have a journal by the way?

All the best,

Ages 20-29 / Re: Road to recovery
« on: June 18, 2017, 09:34:03 AM »
Hey man, just read your journal. You did amazing! 10 weeks without somethinh you've been hooked on for years! That's a succes!
I do not know how you feel, but you do not start again, you still have all the knowledge you had a week ago. Remember that. This may suck for a while, but it is not the end.
Your story really motivated me.

I wish you all the best,

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