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Messages - hutch144

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Ages 30-39 / Re: Mission Impossible
« on: July 16, 2020, 03:18:21 PM »
Thanks for your postman, helped me to read it. I'm 29, watched porn since 12, took off in 2007 with the tube sites. I'm on day 13 no porn and its hard. I find that almost nothing excites me and everything I do takes tremendous effort in combination with strong cravings. Intense exercise is the main relief.

Ages 20-29 / Re: Rebooting after shameful experience
« on: July 16, 2020, 03:08:10 PM »
porn induced ED fella. Your brains only conditioned to porn as erotic and didn't experience a real women. In time that will change with nofap. its difficult and you'll slip up but the continuous effort leads to change and of course making it through the pure suffering of nofap. there's no way aroud

Porn Addiction / Re: I'M INSANE. Porn always kicks me down
« on: June 09, 2020, 09:53:16 AM »
Thanks man. That's a good idea im going to look into it and get that going. ready to do anything.
Much obliged

Porn Addiction / I'M INSANE. Porn always kicks me down
« on: June 08, 2020, 03:34:45 PM »
Hi guys,
I'm in the middle of an insane porn binge. I stopped for 16 days and like a slingshot that was pulled all the way back during my abstinence porns come over me with a vengeance. I'm working from home and have gotten no work done because I keep fapping, complete binge. as soon as I'm done I can't believe it happened. I have no control once a binge ensues. I sometimes get a few weeks no fap, couple times a 2 months, then the relapses are horrid. I completely change and life looses its colour and all that matters is porn. I start lying to people so I can go fap, turn down social occasions to fap. Insomnia kicks in, I just go nuts and then after I'm burned out climb back on the horse and continue nofap. The nofap me is way better, I feel way better during nofap streaks only thing is porn cravings are on me like wolves. I feel more motivated and get ^&%$ done, but there always comes this strange moment where for some reason I don't have my mental defenses up and some weird excuse for porn sounds like a great idea. then its off again. The suffering of Porn is wild. I believe whole heartedly its as addictive as crack cocaine. Its truly mind blowing how insane this obsession is. I've been trying to boot it out of my life for 4 years and can't get out of its talons. Its got like a hawk that won;t let go. I suffer immensely watching porn and suffer immensely through cravings and withdrawals when not watching..... its driven me to serious bottoms where I'm temporarily suicidal. just want to leave and live on an island with no technology for a year where porn is non-existent. Its toxic garbage. Need to vent because truly Im in despair, any of you who've ever been in the horror of a porn-binge I'm sure understand. Need to climb back on that horse. Im def getting period of weeks with no porn and used to watch every day, so small progress, but I'm still feeling mentally ill with porn; its like a devil that has possessed me and chooses when it will take over my mind. I cant resist it sometimes, but not all the time.

good idea man. It would require sacrifice but may be necessary. It's like being an alcoholic who has to recover in a bar, having my laptop and smartphone. It might be good to ditch them completely for a few months. In today's world it would be difficult to function, academically/professionally. But when we consider what we're dealing with and the big picture, it may be worth it. Flip phone only technology.

Ages 20-29 / Re: Nofap Journal: Starting on day 7
« on: March 13, 2020, 01:30:35 PM »
Day 13, going slow and steady. Cravings increased in intensity yesterday and through the night last night. Feel tired but find it hard to sleep, restless legs, kind of a lingering horniness that never goes away. intense weight lifting, walking, being out in public and keeping screens out of my room helped.  Eating clean really helps too. in an odd way I'm enjoying the withdrawals because I know its positive change.


Ages 20-29 / Re: Nofap Journal: Starting on day 7
« on: March 11, 2020, 12:31:52 PM »
Checked out your youtube video Gabe Deen today. Motivating. Thanks for the support. (My dear god is today's porn ever a demon).

Anyways, day 11, going strong. Withdrawals are there. I read the "Hello Gentlemen. Now we Begin." post every day. Keeps me on the path. One day at a time. going to set a goal of two weeks. Once I get there, two more weeks. A helpful element this time around I have found is I leave my place when looking at my phone and laptop. Do evening work on laptop at coffee shops then my roommate takes my phone and laptop into his room around bedtime. No passive web serfing on my phone or laptop unless im in a public setting. Alone with a screen and wifi connection = horrible idea for a porn addict. Insomnia hasnt been too bad this time around. In the past attempting to quit, insomnia was my downfall, it was the withdrawal symptom that took me down. Using the withdrawals as motivation rather than dread. "Learn to love withdrawals" -- best advie ive heard.

Thanks. Day 11 baby. Good luck and much love to all.
- Hutch

Ages 20-29 / Re: Nofap Journal: Starting on day 7
« on: March 09, 2020, 03:26:55 PM »
Thanks Gabe and whoops, sorry about that, not sure where it should be posted. plus I'm 29 years old.

Anyways, day 9 nofap. My roommate and good buddy keeps my phone and laptop in his room at night, I am using an old school alarm clock to wake me up. Nothing but that and books in my room (night when im laying in bed are when my cravings and risk of relapse are the worst- so its been a god send having not access to gadets at night time even if i wanted to fap. cravings also seem less intense knowing i have no access to a screen of any kind).  Feeling lethargic today and sort of disinterested with everything, despite sunny and warm spring weather. Not sure if its withdrawal-related or just life, but I definitely feel not-that-hyped about anything. not depressed, just, blah. Anyways, nofap just for today. day 9 baby. withdrawals not bad. eating clean, working out, meditating, but not underestimating the porn beast. good luck to all. 


Ages 20-29 / Nofap Journal: Starting on day 7
« on: March 06, 2020, 02:29:25 PM »
Hello to all. This is going to be where I post daily progress, vent, and keep accountable. I am day 7 of nofap. This is painful to say but i've been trying for almost 4 years to quit. Have gone two months at most, but never escaped the withdrawals. The porn demon has remained in the drivers seat for the most part. In any case, I'm not messing around. I'm going to write here and sort of keep a record of ups downs, and the thoughts. Withdrawals are utter hell. Wish me luck and hope it may offer help and relatability to other guys suffering.

Ages 20-29 / Re: **Accountability Partner Requests**
« on: March 06, 2020, 02:25:04 PM »
Hey man. I'll be happy to help. I'm trying to quit also. It's difficult as F. But I've never tried an accountability partner.

Porn Addiction / Re: I need to block porn at the router level
« on: January 29, 2020, 02:52:55 AM »
Sorry that no one responded man. Rough and I relate. Watching porn has become an obsession I can’t break. Just don’t know how. Always find a way back to it. Man I feel powerless over porn. Feel like I need to seek help can’t do it alone. Just adding that in because I don’t know what else to say, aside from that I feel your pain. I can’t get longer than 45 days in the last 4 years of attempts and usually only get a few weeks. Mental torture.

Ages 20-29 / Re: Last attempt to quite porn
« on: September 26, 2019, 04:24:01 AM »
Hey. I started trying to quit porn 3.5 years ago. For the first two years, I'd be hard-pressed to make it over 10 days. Usually would relapse in 7. Now I'm 30 days clean and feeling stronger than ever. In the last year, I've gone one month at a time with fewer severe relapses and back into it. It's not black and white. Slow and steady, keep getting back on the horse and staying clean over and over. Rebooting for me is a slow process. But I'm at 30 days clean, usually, i'd be going absolutely insane- and though I've got withdrawal symptoms (cravings and insomnia and restless legs) - I feel the strongest I've felt. I believe I'm recovering despite the last three years being a relapse then clean cycle. Don't stop the fight. It's a bad addiction but im feeling ill be able to really get free this time- truly ive never felt this strong. 3.5 years of attempting. keep that in mind. and let us face it, now that we know the reality of porn, we can't simply go back to watching it. We're doing the right thing- we've got this.

Porn Addiction / Re: Need to Vent: maybe fellas can relate
« on: August 30, 2019, 08:01:09 AM »
Thanks so much guys for these responses. I've taken it to heart. Good to hear I'm not unique in this but also that leaving porn behind can absolutely be done. I guess we're the first generation up against this new kind of drug. Thanks again fellas, i'm really moved by the support. I'm going to quit this. Keep any slips small, get back on the horse immediately, and stay organized. Set up a recovery game plan. Wish you all the best of luck. This support system is phenomenal.

Porn Addiction / Re: Help. Relapsed.
« on: August 05, 2019, 10:10:37 PM »
you didnt loose the 125 days! thats a phenomenal streak. for over three months you didnt watch any porn. You're going through an elastic effect, where the abstinence was like pulling back the cord further and further so it has come back with vengeance. But you weakened those addictive pathways for sure. Get back on the horse when you can and walk the path. 125 days off porn is inspiring, hats off to you.
Well done.

Porn Addiction / Re: Help am facing a heavy withdraw here
« on: August 05, 2019, 10:05:25 PM »
Hold sway fella, Hold Sway. They suck, im in them now, may not make it, but hold the line. We'll do it. Freezing showers and steam rooms and exercise and get out of the goddam house if possible.
Best of Luck.

Porn Addiction / Need to Vent: maybe fellas can relate
« on: August 05, 2019, 10:00:38 PM »
It is the final week of school. I am almost finished the first semester of my final year. It has gone by quickly. I am currently recovering from a two day stretch of an aggressive porn bender, the first session was 9 hours long, and the second, the next day, was 6 hours long. Today I woke up completely disinterested in everything as if sleepwalking. I stayed inside all day and completed a few mundane tasks. I studied about 9 pages of Locke, which was highly uncomfortable, boring, and it took tremendous will power to focus. At no point was I interested or curious about his ideas. I did laundry, and cooked, and meditated for an hour (the meditation was an hour of feeling deeply- a heaviness, boredom, and restlessness in my soul). Now this could sound impressive to some, I suppose, or not impressive but at least not horrible, but I really did not complete any real work. It felt like anything requiring even a semblance of effort was like holding a 300 pound bar on my back. Usually, I could go to the library and hustle and actually complete the work- but porn zaps the brain, kills who I am.
   The truth is, I am scared of porn. I am frightened of how impossible it has been to stay stopped (I’ve been trying to quit for two and a half years). I am afraid of time passing, knowing that I am mentally ill, that my brain is warped, that i’ve been lost in a disinterested fog for so long that I don’t know what its like to be healthy and normal, and that I can’t escape it, and maybe condemned to live only a half-life under porns  &*%!ing spell. I don’t want to be done with porn when I am 50 and my 20’s and 30’s wasted in this life-sucking addiction. But time and time again I have written in this way and thought in this way, determined never to do it, but the insanity comes in, and I fall back into porn, then get all messed up, and leave it alone for a few weeks, then press repeat, again and again. On a positive note, I’m not giving up. Don’t care, can’t go back to just passively watching it.

Porn Addiction / Re: From 100 to 0 in 3 days flat
« on: December 01, 2018, 12:18:42 AM »
30 days of no porn is huge. Your brain rewired in that period, it was progress. Slipping back into porn is part of it, if we no one ever relapsed then we'd all wonder if we were even addicted. Its the nature of addiction that it overpowers us, but we keep getting back onto the sobriety boat, over and over, and then in time the neural porn pathways weaken ,and longer and longer sobriety becomes possible, until we're free and porn is gone. Slips are part of the greater picture that is recovery. Keep at it, this was an awesome post and it helped me. Im in the same boat, but in the last two years ive had in total over a year of no porn.... Its a battle, painful sometimes, but 100% worth it. Thanks for this post, keep at it.

Hey, im hoping to set up actual in person meet ups rather than forums (TORONTO). Ive recovered from other addictions and the key to 12 step programs is the in person relating and sharing. There doesnt seem to be that available with porn addiction and its easily the worst addiction ive encountered and from reading this forum im hearing the same from others. Anyone interested in grabbing a coffee to discuss this, I think this may be a huge solution.

my first attempt to quit, i didnt sleep for like two weeks then just relapsed. Absolute hell. I think its a severe addiction, but over time and with repeated attempts, my withdrawals became progressivley less severe- except cravings are still horrid. So a slip back into porn, although it sucks, isnt a full defeat, I dont think. I keep picking up where I left off. I dont care if i have to keep attempting for 10 years, im not just submitting back into porn. Im keepin in the fight. Fk porn. Its the worst. Its like free crack just floating in the cosmos, free accessible, ruins lives.

I have been trying to quit for 3.5 years since i read the book "Your Brain On Porn". Reading that was an extremely positive experience because i suspected i had a serious problem with porn but people kept saying porn is healthy. Reading that was discovering a gold mine. Iv'e noticed since the tube sites emerged around 2006, i've been disinterested with life in a vague, subtle, yet powerful way when i look at the choices i make. IM like zapped of a zest for life, i cant seem to care. and "not all that interested" in anything. Anyways, when i read the book, I immediately started trying to abstain, and so began the last three and a half year battle of no porn streaks, intense and horrid withdrawals, followed by severe binges, which are even worse than the withdrawals. The binges are even more aggressive then before i ever attempted to abstain. I go sometimes 30 days (usually only 10) then go on a ravenous bender. For a while i'm good, feeling steady without porn, then cravings and withdrawal (restless legs and horniness keep me up many nights).
Ive started meditation and yoga, running during insomnia, im doing reallywell inunivesity which i attribute to the abstinance ive had, i think ive healed slightly, during period of nofap my mojo feels back, im motivated, reading, exercising, socializing. But then the porn demon comes back and posseses me.... someitmes it comes back 10 days in, sometimes i can fight it for 40 days.... but i always go back, and the longer ive obstained the worse the relapse; its like an elastic is being pulled back further and further every day i go without. Anwyas, i thought porn addiction was a minor thing. but im seeing im serverely ill, really $%!@'d. its ruining me. Im going to keep fighting the good fight, im going to do this, but is anyone having such insane trouble. I see people getting a year nofap and they seem like Gods. this is so insane. But anyways, thankful for this forem and all the fellas in the struggle. 

Porn Addiction / Re: fail around 14 day
« on: November 13, 2018, 11:48:35 PM »
absolutely, i am the same.... However i can get thirty days sometimes, ive been trying for three years. only in the last year have my attempts gotten up to a month, generally day 9-15 is the wosrt apparntly for all addictions (in ters of craving, they peak around that time,  Inanse how addictive tis is.... worst cravings iv ever had

Porn Addiction / Re: Porn Girlfriends...
« on: June 14, 2018, 12:18:54 AM »
That's what I do. I have specific P stars i'm obsessed with, when i'm craving specific girls race though my mind and when I hear names that sound like theres it triggers cravings. Yeah. Some of them i'm in "love" with but its just porn addiction. it sucks... I gotta stop. I've been trying to quit for two years, longest i've gotten is a month. Porn cravings and insomnia ruin me.

Porn Addiction / Re: Question about rewiring
« on: May 19, 2018, 10:15:01 AM »
Reboot is about rewiring your brain so is not hypersensitized to porn... I think sexual activity with real women can be healthy provided your mind isn't "porn-alizing" the interaction by imagining porn or her doing things you've seen in porn. Stay present and get turned on by her as she actually is and not weird fantasies caused by porn flooding our reward circuit with unnaturally high levels of dopamine. I think you have the green as long as you work at her turning you on and not spiced of imaginings informed by your porn-warped brain. Everyone has a different take on this, that's mine. I've found sex with women has helped my reboot. I've heard from others that its a hindrance.
Hope that helps. 

Definitely good to get out as much as possible. I've been leaving my laptop at the univeristy campus in my locker, helps to be at my apartment without access, and my iphone has an adult material blocker and I don't have the password. The paradox is that at about the 10-30 day zone, I enter into a grey zone where motivation to go out and live dulls down, but thats the danger zone. I try not to listen to the emotions or the minds outlook on life, I notice when during the withdrawal period i'm wearing shades that twist reality; dark and grey.Its not how the world really is but its so convincing... and porn lurks in the back of the brain F***ing hate it. Just grab a book and go to a coffee shop, or gym or what ever works. Long runs and cold showers, and just not isolating at home.

Porn Addiction / Re: Hello Gentlemen. Now we begin.
« on: December 10, 2017, 05:30:22 AM »
wow, amazing. IM ALL IN

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