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Messages - StefanMicus

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1
Hello,

As a succesful rebooter, I took ayahusaca in the beginning of my journey. In the following lines, I will tell you all about my reboot and ayahusca journey.

I started watching Porn at age 11-12, not stopping until I was around 25 years old. I had PIED ever since I was a teenager. I was never able to have sex, I had very low libido, I had a huge anal fetish, wish led me to use dildos on myself (Aldo Ive never been gay nor have ever felt sexually or emotionally attracted to men in real life).
During my teenage years I suffered from a lot of bullying and I lived in a house with no love. So I always felt really alone. Porn was a way out.

At age 24-25 I started to be more social, go out with ladies. I suffered froem PIED with firls around 4 times in 2 years. ITtdevastated me, I didnt know what was wrong with me. I coulve been able to be with very beautiful women, but my body didnt work.

The most painful experiencie was when I met a beautiful girl at age 24, we dated for around 2 months. She was gorgeous, from a movie. We had an incredible chemistry, we were crazy for each other.

But, on the night I invited her over, I was not able to perform. Furthermore, I freezed! Instead of talking to her about it, I just stayed quiet and acted like I was sleep. It was really awful. Of course she felt it. After that, she told me she didnt want to go out with anymore.

That completely destroyed me. I was thinking seriously about killing myself. I wrote a paper of reasons to stay alive and die, that I keep to this day as a reminder of how low I was. (FYI: I was still watching porn regularly, I didnt know about NO PMO)

Thats when I decided to take ayahuasca.

I payed for 2 sessions in the forests of Chile.
Before taking ayahuasca, I asked in a piece of paper that I wanted to know what was wrong with me sexually, why couldnt I perform. Why was I 25 years old and never been in love, etc... Thats what I wanted to know. That is what I asked mother ayahuasca.

The first night, the ayahusaca tried to give me all the love that I'd never felt, from my mother and women in general. It showed a lot of naked women, devil like women, trying to have sex with me. I kind of freaked out, I didnt let the experience flow and I blocked it.
I fought the whole night against the experience.

The morning after, while we were in a circle telling about our experiences, I told about mine.
I realized that hat had happened to me during the experience was what I had been doing my whole life.
I rejected the love of ayahuasca, as I had been doing my whole life. Ayahuasca tried to heal me, to give me the love I had never felt. But I did not accept it because I thought I was no wirthy of it, because I hated myself so much for all the things I had done to myself: losing women & opportunities to love, not defending myself against bullies, not followwing my heart, studying a carrer I hated... etc..

I cried in front of everyone like a litte child. Thats when the chaman told all the girls to hold me in a circle... to receive all the femenine love that I'd never felt in my life. (My mother nver gave me love, she has always been very rigid, tense, etc...)

It was beautiful and very freeing. Also, someone heared my story (ED, etc...) and told me that I should start stop watching porn, because it takes away your sexual energy.

After that, I had no fear left in me, so I entered the 2nd night with a whole different mindset. I let the experience flow, I just felt, not thinking at all, not having any expectations. I felt beeing reborn, been in mother natures arms (Pachamama). I woke up the next day feeling like never before. Totally free, no fears, only love. It was an amazaing feeling. I felt reborn.

It was really good...but it did not healed my PIED. Only 5 months later I found out about PIED and Porn side effects.

I stopped wathicng porn in february 2017.... and it was in July 2017 that I met my first girlfriend. I as able to have sex with her. We were together for only 9 monhts, but they were the best of my life. I lost her because I did not deared to open myself emotionally to her.... I never told her I loved her...I was too afraid of love to be honest.

Thats what I am working on right now... letting love into my life. Loving myself, building my character. It is not easy, specially when you found out that I once again, lost another beautiful woman, It was only my fault, no one elses.

I still got a lot to learn.

That's it.... ayahuasca will show you the root of your pain, Porn its just the tip of the iceberg...We use porn to hide our fears and pains. My deepest problem was and still is the lack of love, to myself and others. The fear of opening up and let life flow.

Hope you have a great experience.

You can contact me if you like for further information and advices ;)





2
Porn Addiction / Re: Cravings in the morning
« on: December 16, 2018, 07:38:23 PM »
1 - Dude you have to stop masturbating in prone position. It is really bad for your erectyle quality. There are psychatrists (Wilhelm Reich: karactere analysis) who say that masturating in that way makes your erections weaker, and it is linked to a "masoquist" character.... so STOP IT!! If you are going to masturbate... masturbate sitting.

2 - For your morning rutin: 15 push ups + stretching + COLD SHOWER + Meditation. That is the key for an active morning

3 - If you want to heal... you must go cold turkey: NO PMO Hard Mode! Stop mastrubating whatsoever. It is pure will, it depends completely on yourself. There are no tricks. NO PMO man... I have been on NO PMO for a year now. It changes your "libidinal economy" (look it up), you rewire your brain and body to seek pleasure in diffrent ways (socialy, exercise, reading, making projects, been with a real girl).

3
You must take the risk of failing again. If you do not try to have sex with girls NOW your brain will never rewiere and you will never healed.
At least go to a hooker and give it a try.

200 of NO PMO is more than enough to give it a try.

Cheers man!

4
THis is very simple man: YOU MUST STOP MASTURBATION COMPLETELY... NO PMO...

There are no shortcuts for this.
You feel pain in your crutch area BECAUSE you are masturbating too much... not because of the lack of masturbation.

Ones you start NO PMO HARD MODE! + Regular sex with your girlfriend (without fantasizing about porn while you have sex) you should heal very fast (3 months id say).

If things dont work that fast, maybe stop all sexual stimilus (including sex) for a while... a month or so.

Semen Retention is Key for your recovery + Rewiring with a girl (you dont have this 2nd problem).

Tips: - NO PMO for the rest of your life (ITS COMPLETELY POSSIBLE, Your libido will be through the roof, youllbe more manly than ever, youll regain your natural sexuality, you will get rid of your porn fetishes, etc... look for semen retention benefits)
        - Eat Healthy
        - Exercise a lot
        - Meditate every day (look for Vipassana Meditation)
        - Reduce the use of internet or mobile devices (FB, Instagram). Porn addiction works the same way as internet addiction.
        - Read and practice the book "Mantak Chia: how to become a multiorgasmic man" ( DONT DO THE MASTURBATION EXERCISES)
        - Read the "Tao of Health Sex and Longevity", specially the chapter devoted to sex.

For your inspiration, this is my recovery story: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JjcipBF7Zr4&t=292s

Nowadays I've adopted NO PMO as a way of life. I have more libido and energy than ever. Mi focus and mental clarity is like never before. Im practicing Mixed Martial Arts, Im member of NGO of sustainalbe development, etc... and of course, im able to have and enjoy sex like never before :D

Cheers!
Text me if you need more help/advices

5
I think that its definitely a mixture of Performance Anxiety due to the fact that you are a virgin, and some PIED (Watching porn every day for 8 years will do that to you, no doubt, specially if you dont rewire your brain with real girls at the same time).

But do not worry, i had the exact same problems as you, and I was able to heal.
I started watching porn at 12 yeras old, that escalated to anal fetish and sissification videos. I lost my virginity at 24. And I was only able to have and enjoy sex at 25-26 y/o.
I was able to have sex at 5 months after starting the reboot. 12 months after the start of the reboot I consdiered myself fully healed (high libido, natural sexuality, erections just by looking at girls in the street, very sociable, sex is great).

My recommendations are:
    - NO PMO for the rest of your life... yes its possible. Think about nature: what animal apart from us or chimps masturbate? None. The Lion would not be king of the jungle if he masturbated. Look about semen retention (The Chinese Taoists knew about semen retention beneftis 3000 years ago).
    - Meditate every day
    - Exercise every day (push ups, go out and run, I personally have been training Mixed Martial Arts for the last 6 months)
    - Read the book: "Mantak chia: how to become a multiorgasmic man"(Dont do the masturbation exercises) - Read Gary Wilson book about porn and its effects on the brain. (www.yourbrainonporn.com)
    - Eat healthy (fruits and vegetables, avoid cofee, tea, sugar)
    - Know yourself, find out what made you use so much porn. What were you hidding with it...replace with good habits.
   
Here is the link of a youtube video that describes my reboot process, hope it is useful for you: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JjcipBF7Zr4&t=291s

Cheers brother!
You will heal. You are very young and lucky to have found out about this :)
   

6
Hi there.

Well, I considered myself physically cured around 5 months after my reboot started (When I was able to have sex consistently with a girl for around 9 months).

But, I considered myself mentally cured (no more Performance ANxiety) around 12 months after my reboot started. I guess this is because it takes longer for the brain to fully rewire to the real thing. The evidence for me is that I no longer feel aroused for porn nor the fetishes realted to it (anal sex), I have very high libido right now, women drive me crazy, sex drives me crazy, and for the first time I feel fire in my genital area whenever I get sexually excited. I Never felt that way before, no that intensely at least. And id never felt so attracted to women. I feel sexually healed now.

My recommendatios would be:
    - GO NO PMO HARD MODE --> retain your semen, do not masturbate --> your body will learn that the only way to have sexual satisfaction is with a real woman --> sexually aroused with women and real sex.
    - After 90 days, GO FOR IT! Try to have sex with women, at least go out and make out --> This is crucial for your brain to REWIRE.
    - Reduce smoking and drinking - Meditate - A lot of exercise - Eat Healthy - GO OUT and Socialize! - Do things you like
    - Reduce the use of internet & mobile devices (porn addiction is also an internet addiction)
    - Talk to someone you trust about your problem --> This will make you commit more to NO PMO.

7
Hey man, I fet the same way you are feeling now almost two years ago.

I developped an anal fetish since I was around 12 years old.
I did not get aroused by vaginas at all, only anal sex.
I suffered from PIED, I was not able to have sex with 4 or 5 amazing women. I was down in a hole thinking about suicide. I was a 24 years old virgin dude, watching sissification videos... thats how low I was.

I started the reboot process in february 2017, in july 2017 I was able to have sex (I did NO PMO Hard Mode).

Now, Im completely cured from PIED and my anal fetish. Actually im not interesed at all in anal sex in real life. Vaginas drive me crazy, women drive me crazy, i feel an amount of sexual energy that id never felt before. The sexual arousal I felt with porn I now feel it with real women and real sex. Its amazing.

I have to say that I accomplished this because I took the reboot process very seriously since day 1. As a matter of fact, I've adopted NO PMO as a way of life. I do not masturabte at all, semen retention is key in this process (accumulation of sexual energy and huge increase in libido, self esteem ,energy, etc...). Almost all the benefits of no fap come from semen retention (look it up on youtube)

 Because of this my brain and body now have rewired, and since it knows that the only way that it has to have a sexual release is with real women, now I get aroused (a lot) only by the real thing.

So.... if I made it, you also can. If you want more advices or to know more about my reboot process, contact me through this website.
Here is a youtube video that NOah B.Church did of my reboot process,I recommend you watch it:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JjcipBF7Zr4

Cheers and good luck bro. Just do NO PMO hard mode and you will be able to have erections with your GF and enjoy real sex like never before

8
Yes Man, I had the same problem: I developped an anal fetish since I was around 12 years old.
I did not get aroused by vaginas at all, only anal sex.

I started the reboot process in february 2017, in july 2017 I was able to have sex (I did NO PMO Hard Mode).

Now, Im completely cured from PIED and my anal fetish. Actually im not interesed at all in anal sex in real life. Vaginas drive me crazy, women drive me crazy, i feel an amount of sexual energy that id never felt before. The sexual arousal I felt with porn I now feel it with real women and real sex. Its amazing.

I have to say that I accomplished this because I took the reboot process very seriously since day 1. As a matter of fact, I've adopted NO PMO as a way of life. I do not masturabte at all, semen retention is key in this process (accumulation of sexual energy and huge increase in libido, self esteem ,energy, etc...). Almost all the benefits of no fap come from semen retention (look it up on youtube)

 Because of this my brain and body now have rewired, and since it knows that the only way that it has to have a sexual release is with real women, now I get aroused (a lot) only by the real thing.

So.... if I made it, you also can. If you want more advices or to know more about my reboot process, contact me through this website.
Here is a youtube video that NOah B.Church did of my reboot process,I recommend you watch it:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JjcipBF7Zr4

Cheers and good luck bro. Just do NO PMO hard mode and you will be able to have erections with your GF and enjoy real sex like never before.

10
Porn Addiction / Re: HELP Huge gay thoughts since yesterday
« on: April 11, 2018, 10:48:44 PM »
Hey man dont worry, its a normal consequence of porn addiction and escalation to more hardcore genres.

It is no wonder that you ahve such urges since you had a BIG DICK , COCKHOLD Fetish in your porn selection.
Your brain now made the connection between your sexual arousal and Big Dicks because of your use of 2 years.

This is a consequence of heavy porn use, it is not your natural (from what you said) sexuality, but porn induced sexuality.

If you abstain from PMO altogether those urges and feelins will fade away... you will regain your natural sexual desires.

I myself had a huge anal fetish, big black dicks.... ending in Sissification videos... I also had those gay thoughs and fantasies...
But they were entiryely porn induced, since I've never felt nor sexually nor emotionally attracted to men in real life.

Once I rebooted, those fantasises faded away, I regained my natural sexuality (Im not saying to be gay is bad, its just noy MY natural sexuality, that's all, its porn induced). Now im happily dating a girl forthe last 8 months.

Never been happier.

So... keep with the pmo, those urges will fade away.


11
I started using porn since the age of 12.
Developped a huge anal fetish.

I lost my virginity at 22 years old... not being able to have a full erection... first signs of PIED.
24 years old I had my first girlfriend... never had sex... (PIED eventes before with other girls)
25 years reboot and succesful sex with current girlfriend.

I am 26 y/o right now. Fully recovered :D

12
Personally, meeting a girl and starting a relationship with her was key to my success.
I was able to have sex on a weekly basis.
She never judged me ( I had premature ejacualtion the first time, another time i couldnt get it up).
Since the very beginning everything was smooth between us, there was little to no anxiety, no pressure to perform. I was very lucky.

Thanks to being with her (I sitll am, 4 months now) i was able to rewire my brain to real life sex, to real life people. NOw just being next to her I have an erection.

Before that I was on a 4 month no pmo streak. But I was confusing NO PMO with abstinence. I realized that without rewiring my brain to real life sex, I was never to sexualy heal from porn and its negative side effects.

13
Success Stories / Re: 6 years clean!
« on: October 19, 2017, 04:29:24 PM »
Great iniciative man!
You will help a lot of people.
Could you pls send your transalations to my email?
Micco854@hotmail.com

I would wreally appreciate

14
Hi there man :D
Congratulations on your succesful reboot.

I myself, also practiced anal stimulation while watching porn.. due to an anal fetish that developeed quite early in my adolescense.
At 24 I realized I had PIEd... 5 months later I was able to have sex with a girl that im currently dating :D.




15
Success Stories / Re: I'M CURED!!! - NO PMO - 5 MONTHS
« on: August 14, 2017, 01:50:52 PM »
In the beginning of the reboot, I felt the positive side effects of no fap: NON Social ANxiety, More energy, Morning Woods, etc...
But I think during the day number 30 and 40 the flatline began.
During this period of no libido and no motivation I did have a numb dick (a week or two).
I felt no sexual drive, I didnt feel attracted to girls, etc...

But to be honest, It didnt last long.

16
Success Stories / I'M CURED!!! - NO PMO - 5 MONTHS
« on: August 03, 2017, 11:02:23 PM »
Hi guys.
I want to tell you about my success story.

Before No Pmo:

-Started Porn at age 12. I developped an anal fetish very quickly. --> This lead to anal stimulation with dildos. ( Aldo i've never been attracted to men)
- I used PORN to hide the bullying I suffered during School and the fact I had a disfunctional family that never gave me love.
- Lost virginity at age 22 with a limp dick ( I didnt enjoy one bit having sex)
- Only one girlfriend at age 24 (lasted only 4 months)
- I lost 4 amazing women due to my PIED
- Severly depressed & suicidal between my last failed attempt of having sex & starting NO PMO (6 months)
- Socially anxious, Depressed, Shy, Insecure.
- Afraid of having Sex or any kind of intimacy.
- I had performance anxiety & premature ejaculation with limp dick
- A few months before NO PMO I started watching sissification videos (while using dildos) for hours to escape from the horror of my
   life. This is were I hitted ROCK BOTTOM. Luckily thats when I found about NO PMO thanks to Gabe Deem Youtube videos.

During No PMO (Started March 10th 2017)

- Heavy flatline during at least a month. No libido. No motivation. Suicidal Thoughts.
- Read and practiced: Mantak Chia - Multiorgasmic man (to learn to be relax during sex and been able to last longer than 1 min)
- Social Anxiety Almost non existing
- Mediation almost every day
- Exerciste almost every day
- I'm ver sociable and confident
- Morning woods
- Very horny around girls
- Anal fetish Gone ---> Now vaginas drive me crazy

How I overcame PIED:

Aldo I was not watching porn, I was confusing NO PMO with abstinence. I realized that I would never truly reboot if I didint Rewire my brain to a real partner. I could only accomplish this by trying to have sex with a girl.
So after about 4 months or so of total abstinence, I met a girl. We liked each other inmediately.
I could feel very aroused just by been next to her. I had sponatneous boners just by being next to her. I felt my libido through the roof.
But I was still very scared of not been able to perform again.

Long story short, I invited her over to my place to watch a movie.
After a while we forgot about the movie and started making out.
I was kind of hard, but was still insecure about myself ( I had only had sex twice: limp dick at age 22 and a hooker (taking viagra) at age 24).
So I decided to take control and take my time. The key was to relax and let go of control.
We kissed and touched for about 2 hours. We were very horny but I was still insecure of going limp.
So I decided to give her a back massage with oil. That way I would control when to go in, at what speed to penetrate, etc... ( I was also afraid of premature ejaculation).

While i was giving her this very sexy massage, I forgot all about my penis.... and BOOM!! I realized I was super hard.
So I decided it was time to penetrate her.
I did this... and MAN IT WAS AWSOME!!! We made love all night long.
I was able to feel everything, I was able to relax and just enjoy the ride. I never lost the erection.
It lasted all night long. :D
So now we are dating and are going camping together.

I feel like a man now. I've gained my life and sexuality back :D.
Now I'm Hard almost inmediatley just by been next to a girl. Now I'm able to relax and ENJOY SEX!!!! (I was afraid of it before).
I feel no pressure at all to perform, because all I care about is enjoying, I focus on the feeling, not on my mind.

I wanna thank you all. Had I not discovered this community, I would probably killed myself. Im not kidding. No PMO saved my life.
Thank you Gary Wilson.
Thank you Noah Church.
Thank You Gabe Deem.

To all of you who are struggling with Porn addiction:
You will overcome it!! Porn is the worst drug in the world. Leave it inmediately and never look back. The short pleasure it provides is nothing compared to real life sex. To LOVE MAKING.
You can do it GUYS!!! Just keep fighting, exercising, meditating, eating healthy. The flatline wont last forever.

You will overcome Porn addiction!!!




 

17
Porn Addiction / Re: Day 1 of offical 2nd reboot hard mode
« on: June 15, 2017, 12:35:24 AM »
Hi there man. Im on the same page.
Just relapsed after about 90 days.... so Im going for my 2nd run of rebooting.
One day without porn. It is harder in the beginning.
Last time, the flatline was so hard that I relapsed.
Now I'll be stronger, I will go through hell to regain my sensibility, libido and ability to love :D.

Cheers man.
Stay Strong

18
Semen retention is holding your semen. Not eyaculating for several weeks or months. This is a consequence of no PMO.
The retention of your sperm will increase your testorone, your energy levels, your horniness and the quality of your erections.

Try it. Its the key to total healing

19
Porn Addiction / Re: Virgin with PIED - treatment?
« on: June 06, 2017, 10:38:21 PM »
Dude, the only way to know if you have PIED is by trying to have sex with a woman.
You can spend 1000 days of NO FAP, but youll never know you succesfully rebooted until you try with a woman.
The only way to overcome performance anxiey is by trying to have sex with a woman.

You afraid of not having an erection?

Keep up the no PMO, buy some viagra, take it before you have sex.
That will relax your mind and body, and you will most certainly have an erection. And thanks to no PMO your sensitivity will be sky high.

so... DO IT!! (with viagra to ease the Performance anxiety)

I myself am 25 years old.... Ive only had sex twice in mi life. One when I was 22, and I could not have an erection because of porn, but I did not know this at the time. The second, last year with a hooker. I decided to go to one after loosing 3 amazing woman due to my PIED problem....
Before going to the hooker I took viagra (I wasnt on NO FAP mode, I only discovered YBOP on february this year), and I was able to have sex with her, but I didnt feel a thing.

Now Im 90 days of no PMO, still struggling to have the courage to have sex with a girl again.... I will soon, but with viagra as a back up.

I wish you the best, cheers mate.

20
Hi there man,

I myself also suffered from PIED and PA.
The second obviously exacerbated the first.
PA was exacerbated by not comunicating my sexual problems with my sexual partners (PIED; no sex experience, fear of premature ejaculation, overall insecurity).

So what I did was to take viagra, go to a prostitute, and tell her my problem.
After doing so, and having no pressure to perform, since she was a prostitute she would fuck me anyways, and it didnt matter if I was able to give her pleasure, I was able to inmediately relax and thanks to viagra I had a steady boner for about 30min.

Aldo I couldnt feel much nor eyaculate due to my porn habits. (I DIDNT KNOW by then about the effects of porn on the mind and body).

My advide to you would be to:
    keep on with NO PMO
    Communicate your problem with your sexual partner
    Take viagra to boost your confidence and to relax.

Thats the key: RELAAAAX

21
Porn Addiction / I cant get excited by Vaginas
« on: May 17, 2017, 09:50:55 PM »
After several years of watching porn I developped an Anal Fetish.
I could only get it up (or excited easily) by porn with anal penetration.
I dont know why, but vaginal penetration didnt excite me as much. But anal penetration excited me wildly.

I was a bit worried about this, why didnt I find vaginas exciting? Im straight, they should drive me crazy, right?
Maybe I was scared of them? I dont know.... (psychological issues i guess)

Now after 67 days of no PMO, im starting to really like them, fantasies about them, like a normal dude i guess.

Has anyone gone trough a similar situation? Is it normal? Is it porn induced? Is it reversible?



22
Ages 20-29 / PIED Suicidal Ayahuasca Reboot (47 days of no fap)
« on: April 25, 2017, 09:46:08 PM »
Hi there guys.

Im in my 47 day of no fap

Before describing you how these last 47 days have been, I want to talk to you a little about me and how I ended up having PIED.
I started watching porn when I was around 12-13 years old.
I was bullied around the same time until I was 23 years old. 10 years of true hell.
On top of that, things were not good at home. My mother was really dominant, obsessive and a control freak. My dad was very submisive to her. I had no freedom in my house, I had no room for myself, I was always afraid of being reprimended or grounded by my parents. They gave me all the material things that I needed, but never gave me love. All they cared about was for me to have good grades and be an obedient son.

Therefore, I escaped in two ways: PORN and Studying (having good grades).

During my adolescence, I had plenty of opportunities of being with beautiful girls (Im quit attractive), but I was very insecure and shy because of all the bullying that I suffered. I rarerly felt that incontrollable desire and lust over women, in a psycical animalistic way, during pretty much my hole life.
I now know that that was pretty much to porn.

I washed around 2 3 times a week, and I developped quit early a fetish for anal. Women being analized brutally bi big black dicks, bukkaked, gangbanged, etc...
Since I had very little experience with girls, my brain associated only pleasure to pixels in a screen rather than with a real girl. (By the way, I've always been totally heterosexual, I've never felt sexual attraction towards men):
Nevertheless, my tolerance to porn grew, so I started fantazising that I was those girls, that I was being penetrated by those big black dicks.... Thats when I started to do anal masturbations with dildos. I could not controll it, It was an animalistic desire (that's what normal people fell I guess, with another person in the real world). I always felt terrible afterwars.

Now, during the last 2 years, for the first time in my life I started having relationships with girls that lasted more than a month. I liked them a lot!. The desire was there, the emotion, the connection, the emotional connection.
Nevertheless, due to my porn habits, wich I didnt know the side effects, I could not perform.
During these 2 years, I lost 3 amazing women, that I know I've coulve fallen in love with.
It was so awful not being able to be a man.

The last time this happened to me was in August. After she broke up with me, I was in total depression.
I thought I was a sick motherfucker (I still think so form time to time). I though I was not even a man. I started questioning who the fuck I was, and if life was worth living. I was suicidal, with lot of mental problems... etc...

Thats when I decided to take Ayahuasca, to see what the fuck was wrong with me. (my shrink had no clue what happened to me, he never asked about my porn habits, he thought my problem was due merely tu performance anxiety):
Ayahuasca was a incredible experience that tought me a lot about myself. I cried like a freaking baby, but I realized I was a strong motherfucker, because anyone with no real friends, with no family conecction, would've killed himself or become drunk a long time ago.

Nevertheless, ayahuasca did not me show me what the source of my sexual problem. was.
From novembre to february of 2017, I started washing more hardcore porn to forget about my heavy depression. I started whasing sissification videos for 6 hours straight.
I knew this was fucked up, but I thought, what the hell... I cant get it up, Im a fucking sissy with no manhood whatsoever.

Thats when i discovered your brain on porn... and I can say that it really saved my life man. More son than ayahuasca.
The first time I watched noah church videos, gabe deem's videos and gary wilson's videos, I stopped inmediately to watch porn and masturbating.

Since I stopped (10 march 2017), Ive felt like a new born man, l
I have practically no social anxiety.
I confronted the guys who bullied me (that was healing as fuck).
I left my house 2 years ago, and I iam now beginning to really enjoy it and becoming an adult. Im enjoying my independance.
Im the most social guy on the planet. Everybody can notes it, especially girls.
I'm doing a lot of exercise and meditating every day + cold showers.
I have not relapse to porn. (i did masturbated ones with anal stimulation but not eyaculating). I will not do that again, since it fucks up my brain, the pleasure circuit.

I have espontaneous boners all the time, and I feel horny for the first time just by washing a girl, Im fantasazing with real girls for the first time in a loooong time.

Flatlines have been rough but not very extense. I cry like 2 times a week, at night, when Im in bed. I remember all the beautiful girls I lost, all the pleasure and love I've wasted trough my whole life. I think how I wasted my hole fucking life to porn, and fantasize about who I coul've been if i've had never discovered porn. Man it sucks.
But I accept the pain. I let that pain absorb, I do not try to avoid the crying, y let it flow. It hurts a lot!. But afterwars I feel good.
The meditation and exercise help a lot.

There are 2 women in my life that I 100% know want to have a relatiosnhip with me, that want to have sex with me.
But, I have developped a great fear of sex, of pleasure. When I was with a girl in bed I felt absolutely nothing. It was awful man. So awful that i wanted to kill myself. So awful that I think that if iit happens to me again, I would really kill myself.
The shame and pain is just to big (by the way im 25, Im in my senior year en la Universidad de Chile studying Engineering)
I feel im totally broken and that I will never be able able to feel pleasure having sex, making love, with a woman. That im just not meant for it. That if this rebooting think doesnt work, I might as well just kill myself, because life doesnt have any meaning without love and sex. :( Every time im in a bed with a girl i only have negative thoughts: I have a small dick ( actally it is big, a hooker told me), I will not have an erection, I will not be able to give her pleasre, I will eyaculate prematuraley.... etc.... It's awful... sex stresses me... it so sick.

I know I have to practice with girls, but Im just too afraid to feel the shame and pain again. It's just too big.

WHAT should I do guys???
I want to heal :(

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