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Messages - Jason_MSMFT_NLP_Trainer

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Ages 40 and up / Re: New here
« on: January 16, 2017, 02:40:46 PM »
Best to you GRr! Congrats on your second week. You can do it! Keep up the good work.

I Realized a few years ago that I could play video games....or achieve my goals. I gave a way my Xbox and all my games. I realized that I could drink alcohol....or I could keep my partner, my home, my business, everything I cared about..... and achieve my goals. I gave up all alcohol. About six months ago I realized I could smoke weed, or I could focus on my goals, but not both. I realized as soon as I got high I hated the feeling anyway.

I realized I could smoke cigarettes or I could be heealthy, I chose the latter on oct 11 last year because I wanted to celebrate 1 month no smoking on my 40th birthday. Recently I decided I could PMO or have my goals and added that to the list. I started reading Your Brain on Porn and was amazed at what I was learning and found myself on many of those pages.

Keep up the good work, you can do whatever you choose, just decide!

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Ages 40 and up / Re: Hit rock bottom.....change now!
« on: January 16, 2017, 01:35:31 PM »
Hi Andy,

What DavidRI said was amazing. You have been down that [neuropathway] you know where it leads! Its like a path in nature in the woods, is visible and easy to go down if its used often. But if you stop using it and walking down that path, and start walking down a new path and connecting new routes to your destination, over time what will happen? Nature will reclaim it, grasses and plants and shrubs and trees will start to grow over that path until it is no longer compelling or easy to traverse. Blazing a new trail might require some effort to clear the path and define it as well as to decide "where am I now?" and "where do I want to go". You might spend some time thinking about and writing or journaling about:

Regarding PMO

"for what purpose do I want this"
"What will I gain or lose if I do this"

And

"what will happen if I do it"
"what will happen if I don't"
"what won't happen if I do"
"what won't happen if I don't"

Hope this help Andy! Also if you haven't gotten a copy of the book "Your Brain on Porn" DO IT NOW!!! lol

Andy, it might help to look at it this way when you get the urge to PMO:  Think of the damage it will do to you neuro-pathways if you do it.  In other words, each time you PMO is yet one more dopamine / serotonin release that will further cement the compulsion.  Each time you resist the urge, on the other hand, that neuro-pathway begins to "forget" the source of the unhealthy pleasure rush -- which is the goal. 

I literally picture the physiology.  In any event, it helps me.

I am 33 days in to my reboot.  And I while I backslid and PMO'ed for 4 days out of the 33, I am well on my way to being PMO free.  I can feel it, and the feeling gets better as each day passes.   Focus on how good it makes you feel. 

Thank you to all who post on Reboot Nation.

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Ages 40 and up / Re: Caught Again
« on: January 16, 2017, 01:16:09 PM »
Hello Simpletone,

I was very moved by your post. I can only imagine the courage it took to express all that. I have had many of the same experiences with impulse control and "getting caught". One thing that seemed familiar to me about your story and mine is the "dopamine" rush that I would feel when I was about to do something "i wasn't supposed to do" and "had the risk of getting caught". Anything that would ramp up the anxiety and uncertainty and the risky-ness was fair game, be that a behavioral process or a chemical like smoking weed and trying to use ClearEyes and get that smell off of me as fast as possible.

While I am new to this site and a reboot myself, I can say that you are in the right place for help if you make yourself available to it.

One thing I believe wholeheartedly is that "people are not their behaviors" and "everyone is doing the best they can with the resources they have available". What that means is that if you screwed up that doesn't mean you are one. It also means that if you want to do better in the future, increase the resources at your disposal; which you are doing by being on here, and reaching out for help. Its incredible that you are "being at cause" for your problem, not "at effect" and pushing the problem outside of you.

I think its very commendable that you are now conscious of the fact that you have a problem with the porn, and are no longer in denial. I will try to keep my post short, but what I can try and offer is encouragement that "You can do whatever you set your mind to!" That being said, like others have commented on here, initially its not as simple as promising yet again that you won't look at porn to your wife based solely on white-knuckle willpower; and as well that doesn't give you the green light to relapse. What I think it means is that some more flexibility might be in order rather than, "if you look at it again its over". That might be a setup for failure.

Some of the suggestions on here that your wife join the partners of rebooter's forum is a good idea.

I also would highly suggest reading (alone or with your wife) Gary Wilson's "Your Brain on Porn" book as well as getting Paula Hall's book "Sex addiction: the partner's perspective: A comprehensive Guide to Understanding and Surviving Sex Addiction for Partners and Those who Want to Help Them." You might want to get your own copies of these books so you can write your own notes in the margins and she can write hers. Taking turns reading the book out loud together might be an enjoyable shared activity that could foster rapport and intimacy with her, that could show her that changing your ways and learning more is a high value to you.

I have almost finished YBOP and its helped me a lot to understand what the High Speed Online Porn can really do to the brain from a neuroscience standpoint and what it could take to regain control of your life.

Also I noticed that your open to Therapy, that is good. I'm sorry to hear that you lost your last therapist!

I encourage you to (if your still open) to find another one. I myself have a MFT degree, and have been to many a 50 minute then "good bye" type therapist in the past,  but have departed from the traditional western-model of psychotherapy for philosophical reasons. I would recommend (if I may) that if you do seek outside help, you might consider someone highly skilled in Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) and who is trained in Time Line Therapy. I don't know where you live but its likely that there are therapists or practitioners near you trained and skilled in NLP and TLT, and even clinical Hypnosis that actually get "results" for their clients and very quickly. I have seen people first hand make changes rather quickly with these strategies, rather than the years and years that traditional therapy can take. This could possibly assist with you and your wife in alleviating past negative emotions, limiting decisions, and having a values alignment.

I encourage you to keep on the path and if you want to chat some more, feel free to send me an email.

Cheers!

Jason

4
Ages 40 and up / 40yo, Adult Store and Theatre Owner, begins his reboot
« on: January 16, 2017, 03:11:27 AM »
 Hello Guys and Gals!

I'm Jason, nice to meet ya;) I totally don't mind using my real name on here because mainly I don't think I could remember what my fake name is and I'm making an effort to be more authentic and real in life as well.

Some more about me and my background:

I just turned 40 a couple months ago, so I barely qualified for this 40 and over forum lol. I'm a gay male in a long term relationship with my loving husband, we will be celebrating 20 years together this September! I know we met when I was 20, and so I've spend half my life with him, and he is an incredible man and I'm eternally grateful for him everyday.

I'm on about my 3-4 th day of my reboot, didn't actually consciously decide it just happened while reading Your Brain On Porn book. (Or my brain for that matter)

I have been using online porn and fapping since I was a late teenager around the time the internet was born and entered my home. It was on a slow Parkard Bell computer and a painfully slow 28.8 Kbps dialup modem that made that screech sound before AOL would
Say "you've got mail". Online porn was slowly downloading row-by-row of pixels of static images only back then, it wasn't the 4K video streaming High Speed computers and internet access of today. Nevertheless I know that my early porn use negatively affected my sexual and social development into my adulthood.

I was fortunate enough to have experienced sex in the real world with real partners before fapping or before High Speed Porn (HSP), so as far as I can tell I'm not experiencing much of a flatline as far as I can tell yet. More to be seen there.

My father was a single parent, and started a XXX Adult store and Theatre before I was born. Adult material was never in the house and if it was it wasn't my style so to speak...lol. Anyway my dad was a great dad he did the best he could with the resources he had available. (After his passing in 2007 I now own his adult store and theatre that I'm working on making a more healthy and sex positive establishment). Anyway....back to my story ...  I was a decent B+ high school student even though I did struggle with porn addiction (didn't call it that then) but was concsious about other substance abuse challenges off and on. Nonetheless I managed to graduate with a B+ average in 4 years in 1995. In 1997 I met my now husband and stayed sober for 9 years up and until my dads heart attack, canceling my internship in MFT, and deciding to move away from Beautiful San Diego back home to the small town and snow to take over over the xxx business.

Ok back to 2003.... after several false starts bouts with porn addiction and substance abuse challenges  and changed majors I managed to earn a Bachelors of Science degree in Business Information technology (with deans list honors) that is primarily obsolete now; yet that degree in me being an ability to BS IT....lol...got me in the door to a highly respected psychology school to earn a Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy (MA, MFT) in 2006.

What made me change majors from computer systems to human systems? Never thought you'd ask!

In 2002 a friend of my partner and I decided to take a certification training in NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) that was 7 days long. Then we signed up for the Master Pracritioner Training (2 weeks) and then the Trainers training right after (another 3 weeks). So in 6 weeks of training in NLP, Time Line Therapy, and Hypnosis 8 hours per day - watching people clean up their S*IT and transform themselves right in front of me- changed my life forever. I knew it was my life's purpose to help people.

Now in 2017 I'm working together with my partner who helps me run the 41 year old adult store while working on creating our NLP training institute. I recently reached out to my NLP coach who spurred me onto Gary Wilsons book Your Brain On Porn and I couldn't put it down! I'm on page 135 right now and amazed and astonished that yea I too, have a porn addiction.

And I own an XXX hardcore adult store and theater so imagine that. I own one of the few businesses in the world where your "supposed to look at porn" your "supposed to be porn positive". How incongruent is it to sell porn in one place and say "porn bad" in another. Well, I'm still figuring that out as well as how I'm going to handle triggers or cues to porn when I go to work to take a look at what porn needs to be bought l, although I have others to help me with that. It's not like I can just decide to not look at porn and go get a for sale sign down at the hardware store and put "xxx business for sale" on it with my phone number. Well perhaps, but for now it's my livelihood and the livelihood of about 8 others people and families.

So I'm going to improve the store and add education to it and the old adage "enjoy responsibly" to its slogan. Some people can enjoy porn and novelties and not have a problem or form an addiction, some stop before major life consequences and have impulse control....others not so much. So I'm wanting to transform what the industry thinks about when they enter an adult store and start offering resources and information to help guys (mostly guys) stop and regain control of their lives if "the fun has stopped". Its something I'm passionate about and yet it's just beginning . Love to hear from you, drop me a line

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