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Journals => Ages 40 and up => Topic started by: RecoveryJunkie on May 31, 2016, 11:41:16 PM

Title: Confidence and humility go hand in hand but not dick in hand.
Post by: RecoveryJunkie on May 31, 2016, 11:41:16 PM
Hi folks,

I've been doing ok on my first ever reboot. I'm nearing 2 months without M or P and although this feels great I have to say it hasn't been easy. The yourbrainonporn.com website has been an integral part of my recovery. I can't really explain why but after getting educated to the nature of this disease and how it affects the brain, I have had very little desire to watch porn.

Resisting M has been a challenge as lust is triggered almost every time I see a sexy woman. My brain doesn't seem to be able to see the issue with lusting after women. I'm coming to a point where I want to be free of lusting as much as I want to be free from porn. I know this is possible though it won't be easy.

I have noticed a significant improvement in my mental clarity and self confidence, not to mention the social anxiety I was feeling is leaving me. Another thing I've noticed is that things that were once important to me that were neglected are becoming important toe again. These are the first real benefits to quoting PMO.

I need to go to bed right now but with continue on this topic at a later date
Title: Re: Confidence and humility go hand in hand but not dick in hand.
Post by: RecoveryJunkie on June 02, 2016, 09:49:52 PM
Today was a good day, first part of my day was very busy with work then met with my therapist this afternoon. I met with a buddy who has also sworn off porn and is 8 days free. I am very happy for him and feel blessed to have a buddy to walk this strange road with. I convinced him to open up to his wife about the secrets as I have with my partner and I have a feeling they will be able o work things out. I find it really amayzing that when you start to do the right thing God puts the right people in your path.

I'm really excited to the road trip tomorrow and for seeing my daughter perform in her first lead role in a theatrical play. I'm so proud of her and greatful to have the clarity of mind to be present for her in this important time in her life. I'll be also meeting he first boyfriend for the first time. That makes me feel a bit old and that's ok. I will also be travelling with some of my my favourite and most important people in my life, my parents and my partner! Life is good!
Title: Re: Confidence and humility go hand in hand but not dick in hand.
Post by: Porn2Bmild on June 04, 2016, 12:56:36 AM
Hope your road trip was as fun and fruitful as you hoped it would be, RJ.  Have a good weekend!
Title: Re: Confidence and humility go hand in hand but not dick in hand.
Post by: RecoveryJunkie on June 04, 2016, 02:41:18 AM
Thanks so much guys. I've just had one of the best days of my life. I drove three hours to spend a bit of time with my 16 yr old daughter. This afternoon she introduced me o her bf who is a very smart guy who likes the same music as I do. I witnessed him kiss my daughter on the cheek in the most loving way and I almost cry when I think how lucky I am to have such a great kids with a great head on her shoulders. After the play such was really awesome we got some cards and played Eucre with my parents. I haven't laughed so much in a very very long time. My gf and I made out and cuddled to an hour and things are going very well with the both of us and we both feel so blessed to have each other. I can't believe how much my life has changed for the better in the last 2 months since quitting PMO and opening up ta beautiful woman. Life is damn good and God loves me. What else is there?!
Title: Re: Confidence and humility go hand in hand but not dick in hand.
Post by: Jailbird on June 04, 2016, 12:53:24 PM
Looks like you are winning the war and enjoying the spoils. I know it hasn't been easy its been like hell. I also had a moment of reward today, just over a month into the reboot and though yesterday was a kick in the teeth (ridiculous PE after a few hurried seconds, though that may have been hangover induced) today allowed me to satisfy my wife for the first time in months. Death to porn, I fucking hate it.
Title: Re: Confidence and humility go hand in hand but not dick in hand.
Post by: RecoveryJunkie on June 04, 2016, 07:48:30 PM
I hear you bro! Porn fucking sucks. The great destroyer of real men. Still suffer from ED after almost two months but I try not to harp on it because so many other good things are happening I don't want to loose faith so I'm trying to focus on the good!
Title: Re: Confidence and humility go hand in hand but not dick in hand.
Post by: malando on June 04, 2016, 10:25:51 PM
I hear you bro! Porn fucking sucks. The great destroyer of real men. Still suffer from ED after almost two months but I try not to harp on it because so many other good things are happening I don't want to loose faith so I'm trying to focus on the good!

So true. I can't believe what a big part of my life it was. I feel like it was an alternate universe now. I can't relate to that person anymore. What an idiot he was! My brain was in a fog about this for so many years, and it probably caused all kinds of secondary effects in my life that I'm not even aware of. Unbelievable. Better late than never though. Great job though, RJ. You are a beacon for me in the way you are handling yourself.
Title: Re: Confidence and humility go hand in hand but not dick in hand.
Post by: RecoveryJunkie on June 05, 2016, 10:57:52 AM
So today is 2 months without PMO or even M alone. I feel amayzing, I'm falling in love with this awesome woman who I've been honest with about everything. I am still in a sort of deep flatline and sometimes feel jealous that some of you guys are beginning to function much quicker than myself. I was really hoping it wouldn't take this long.

I am trusting in the process and am really trying to not get down on the inability to have intercourse. I may try some V or C after 90 days to see if this helps get away from flatline but for now I'm staying the course and I really do feel great. Thanks to RN and great bunch of guys who without your support would not have made this milestone! I have never in my life not JO for 2 months straight.

Much love and respect!
Title: Re: Confidence and humility go hand in hand but not dick in hand.
Post by: malando on June 05, 2016, 05:24:37 PM
I think you've done an awesome job, RJ. And getting into a great relationship, and being honest about your issue - man, that is freaking brilliant. It's such a hard thing to do and you've done it. It might be that you have a bit of anxiety about ED after all you've been through - that might be compounding the issue. Once you're sure that your reboot has had a good go, I don't think it would hurt to try a little V or C to kick things along. It might just shift the mindset into "normal life" mode, after a long time in recovering addict mode. I'd say give it until 90 days and see where things are at. It's always an option. Also consider getting your testosterone levels checked at some point. Keep in mind that having sex regularly increases T though!

Good luck, bro.
M.
Title: Re: Confidence and humility go hand in hand but not dick in hand.
Post by: RecoveryJunkie on June 07, 2016, 05:46:18 AM
Day 61 of reboot, no porn and no masterbation for over 2 months. We have lift off!! Successful intercourse with my beautiful partner! What a feeling... It didn't last supper long either maybe 5-10 minutes and I came right after she did. I'm so excited about this. I slept like a baby too!

I still have zero desire to PMO or M and will continue with the recovery process. I know there will be ups and downs but for anyone who isn't sure this rebooting will work, trust the process. No P no M and work towards true intimacy with your partner! I am now living proof this actually works.

I wasn't sure it would work as when I watched P, I wasn't able to get full erections. (Probably due to the more or less conventional porn I watched) I must say it feels so good to know not all is lost from my addiction to this dismal existance we call Porn.

Interesting fact, I knew I had an old P mag stashed away somewhere. Before going to my girlfriends last night I searched my room until I found it and threw it out in the trash. I wonder if that was somehow blocking me. Regardless, I feel like a million bucks. No desire for watching P and I know abstaining from M is not going to kill me.

Peace! Wow!!  ;D
Title: Re: Confidence and humility go hand in hand but not dick in hand.
Post by: RecoveryJunkie on June 07, 2016, 05:59:28 AM
Just another thing worth mentioning which I believed helped me successfully achieve this is when I started out on this journey, much like Gabe, I put away the video games. I know it isn't sex related but after viewing YBOP and Gabe's videos I felt it was the right thing to do. There is no doubt in my mind the P and the video games were a huge source of dopamine release in my brain.

I still have a long way to go but I sure am on my way!
Title: Re: Confidence and humility go hand in hand but not dick in hand.
Post by: malando on June 07, 2016, 08:54:34 AM
Congrats RJ! Sounds like the worst is behind you now. Just gotta focus on your new life and leave all the other crap behind. It's amazing how much better the real world is than the fake P world, isn't it?
Title: Re: Confidence and humility go hand in hand but not dick in hand.
Post by: RecoveryJunkie on June 07, 2016, 09:30:53 AM
Oh man! That is such an understatement. I was thinking yesterday about my childhood and I have lived in a fantacy world all my life. It's so awesome to finally break free and live in the here and now, no matter what the situation is.

Earlier on yesterday I read some stuff on partners forums and it affected me bad. I recognized just how I broke my ex's hart by my behaviour. I resolved to not over lament  over it and when the time comes maybe write a letter as a sort of amends but after talking to my AA sponcor he thought I should just enjoy the moment and revisit this when I am a bit stronger in my recovery. I can see how wise those words were. Anyways, just thought I'd share that.
Title: Re: Confidence and humility go hand in hand but not dick in hand.
Post by: fyg on June 07, 2016, 05:32:29 PM
Brilliant reading about your new life, RJ. Congratulations man. Keep going... Not that I think you'll do any different !! :)
Title: Re: Confidence and humility go hand in hand but not dick in hand.
Post by: RecoveryJunkie on June 07, 2016, 05:46:00 PM
Thanks Fyg,

Really appreciate it. I was on such a high all day and now I feel like I've crashed.... so my emotional state is a bit off. Ill be ok, I'm going to go out and visit some people don't want to sit in this shit too long. Probably just tired but I had about two hours of unmotivated time wasting, not good but could be much worse. It's like a fucking roller coaster some days Ehh? Damn!
Title: Re: Confidence and humility go hand in hand but not dick in hand.
Post by: fyg on June 07, 2016, 06:14:57 PM
You're totally welcome, RJ, It can be like a rollercoaster! Don't let that two hours of 'unmotivated' time bother you... which, you're not by the sounds of it "but could be much worse". Just the other morning, I spent a couple of hours in bed, and I've been disappointed with those times before, and I was on this day. Now, I can't remember exactly, but I obviously got up, washed etc... and a little later I was having a cup of tea, after breakfast... and I felt real good. I very honestly remember thinking that was a victory! A change in frame of mind within the same morning!

Yep, maybe go out and visit some people as you say... maybe put to good work the enjoyment of conversation we spoke of today?

I missed out on an opportunity to share with you in my previous post... This is difficult, and it may be about connecting with another, but hey, why not :)

I've realised that I've spent a lot of time living in fantasy too, brother. Just last week, I was on the train, and I drifted off... to another life, but not this one, mine.

Ours!!! (our real lives!)

Claim it buddy... which you totally are! Again, GREAT post earlier. Sending you love bro. Peeeeace.
Title: Re: Confidence and humility go hand in hand but not dick in hand.
Post by: RecoveryJunkie on June 08, 2016, 11:37:16 PM
Hey guys, I'd like some feedback on something. Here's what's on my mind... So I resolved to stop watching porn and Masterbating about 2 weeks or so before coming on the forum. My motivation to stop watching porn and Masterbating is PIED. I'm sure most of you guys know I started a new relationship a little over two months ago with this amayzing woman and I just couldn't keep putting these women through this hell that is my PIED so I came clean with her about everything. Since joining the forum I heard so much about 90 days Hardmode. This is something I tried really hard to abide by but my motivation for this is the become available both physically and emotionally for my partner. I feel I have done this in the past 2 months plus and recently was able to have successful sex with her.

I'm a bit confused because Hardmode is no orgasms even with a partner. So obviously I will not be completing 90 Hardmode in the true sense. I have no desire to watch porn but sometimes want to masterbate. I have not Med and don't feel it is needed. I feel I will continue to gain motivation and self confidence if I don't JO so For now I am committed to no P no M possibly indefinitely.  Should I try to refrain from Oing during sex with my gf for a while longer? I kind of feel like having sex without Oing may result in DE. I'd like some solid feedback about this if possible.
Also, I think my partner is confused because initially I told her I was doing Hardmode but have orgasmed a few times during intimate sexual foreplay and a few days ago when I was finally able to have successful sex. I'm not entirely sure what to tell her. I feel like this was the goal the whole time. Maybe I'm rushing things, I don't think so but she is confused by this and I think she may be a bit upset also. Constructive feedback would be appreciated.

Thanks!
Title: Re: Confidence and humility go hand in hand but not dick in hand.
Post by: RecoveryJunkie on June 09, 2016, 07:00:47 PM
Ok so I now know why she is upset. She finally told me what was troubling her. The night we had sex ( first time I was able to function normally in months maybe years). She said she woke up in the middle of the night to me trying to JO in my sleep. This happened two nights in a row. I was shocked when she told me because I had no recollection whatsoever. As the initial shock started to wear off and she continued to speak I got that she is very much afraid and isn't sure what to do because there are very few people she can speak to about this kind of thing. I reassured her as I have been focussed on her 99% of the time. I think I scared her by Kenny up to her a little to much about a few close calls I had (not prudent on my part). I think that raised some insecurities in her. I am feeling a bit scared to leave her at this point but all I can do is learn from this and let the chips fall where they may. Tough night for sure. Regardless of what happens my resolve is strong. I have nothing but contempt for P and don't want anything to do with it. Crazy that I could JO in my sleep uncounciouy. Weird!!!!
Title: Re: Confidence and humility go hand in hand but not dick in hand.
Post by: malando on June 09, 2016, 08:08:25 PM
Ok so I now know why she is upset. She finally told me what was troubling her. The night we had sex ( first time I was able to function normally in months maybe years). She said she woke up in the middle of the night to me trying to JO in my sleep. This happened two nights in a row. I was shocked when she told me because I had no recollection whatsoever. As the initial shock started to wear off and she continued to speak I got that she is very much afraid and isn't sure what to do because there are very few people she can speak to about this kind of thing. I reassured her as I have been focussed on her 99% of the time. I think I scared her by Kenny up to her a little to much about a few close calls I had (not prudent on my part). I think that raised some insecurities in her. I am feeling a bit scared to leave her at this point but all I can do is learn from this and let the chips fall where they may. Tough night for sure. Regardless of what happens my resolve is strong. I have nothing but contempt for P and don't want anything to do with it. Crazy that I could JO in my sleep uncounciouy. Weird!!!!

Hi RJ, I'm not sure what you mean by this bold part?

It is quite weird. And hard to address or justify to somebody when you have no recollection of it. I would say it means little since dreaming is such a free ranging thing. For all you know, you were dreaming about your GF! We are not accountable for what we dream about - only what we do when we are awake. That is when intent is measures. Just like she could dream about something odd or maybe even go sleep walking or talking. I hope this moment passes - would be a shame if it becomes a fixation when it's so trivial. It is what you both make it. Dreams are brain operations for organising, maintenance and making sense of things - as long as your waking life is good, there's no reason to worry about your dreams.

Best wishes,
M
Title: Re: Confidence and humility go hand in hand but not dick in hand.
Post by: RecoveryJunkie on June 09, 2016, 08:28:49 PM
I'm not sure think it was a type o. I don't want to leave her but I'm scared she will break up with me. Kenny was also a type o
Title: Re: Confidence and humility go hand in hand but not dick in hand.
Post by: RecoveryJunkie on June 09, 2016, 10:50:52 PM
I think things will be ok. She went out for a bit (AA meeting)and I stayed at her place to watch the game, she came back about an hour later and things felt a bit weird at first but worked out in the end. I get the feeling we both want to work through it. I can understand her insecurities. I have a tendancyMy to bring that out in my partners, God knows I have my own too. All in all I think it was a positive thing she told me what was bother her. I think because she waited so long to tell me the insecurities grew and turned negative. Kind of feels like I'm dating for the first time. I think I also have a bit of guilt because my eye still catches women all the time like today was a bit of a struggle. Maybe it's because I want an easy out instead of dealing with the uncomfortable stuff.
Title: Re: Confidence and humility go hand in hand but not dick in hand.
Post by: RecoveryJunkie on June 10, 2016, 10:49:06 PM
Tough day, my brain is trying to trick me into saying fuck it by all kinds of crazyness! Today was a battle but got through it with a better attitude at the end. Failure is not an option. I don't want that shot in my life no matter how crazy or shitty life can be some days!
Title: Re: Confidence and humility go hand in hand but not dick in hand.
Post by: malando on June 11, 2016, 12:10:41 AM
Tough day, my brain is trying to trick me into saying fuck it by all kinds of crazyness! Today was a battle but got through it with a better attitude at the end. Failure is not an option. I don't want that shot in my life no matter how crazy or shitty life can be some days!

Stay strong, RJ. I had a lapse a few days ago and it's left me feeling terrible - all sorts of inner turmoil. It's not worth it! You don't need it, brother!

M.
Title: Re: Confidence and humility go hand in hand but not dick in hand.
Post by: RecoveryJunkie on June 11, 2016, 02:57:22 PM
Thanks M, today has been totally different, my gf is working this weekend so I woke up this morning, cleaned around the house a bit, had coffee with a buddy then went for a mountain bike ride and swim with another buddy. We ended up at the beach and although there were nice bodies there the lusting remained in check. Thank God not every day is hell!
Title: Re: Confidence and humility go hand in hand but not dick in hand.
Post by: RecoveryJunkie on June 13, 2016, 02:17:09 AM
Weekend was ok got a few things done around the house and got out for a ride on Saturday. Since my gf told me She thought I was Ming in my sleep I feel that I've started flatlining. It's not a good feeling, feels like I've taken a step back in my recovery. Good thing she is patient because I feel very frustrated. Tomorrow is a new day and new week. Hopefully things will go well. Night all.
Title: Re: Confidence and humility go hand in hand but not dick in hand.
Post by: aslowturning on June 14, 2016, 07:21:38 AM
Hang in there RJ!

You inspire me!
Title: Re: Confidence and humility go hand in hand but not dick in hand.
Post by: RecoveryJunkie on June 26, 2016, 03:44:15 PM
It's been awhile since I've posted on my own journal... A lot has happened in the last week or so. Life seems to sometimes throw everything at you all at once.
So since my gf told me I was Masterbating in my sleep, she started pulling away. A few things happened to induce this from her. I shared a bit too much about my recovery with her and she started to resent me and feel insecure. Also, I started acting like an insecure idiot when she started pulling away making things worse.
Also, my mom was just diagnosed with cancer. She has a large tumour on her brain and throughout her body. She still looks good but she is not handling it well and neither is my dad. I feel raw and emotional and just want to feel good. I haven't watched porn or MOed but I'm feeling very horney and feel like I could get erect if I started touching for too long. I've started to a few times and stopped myself.
This really sucks. I feel really lonely and miss my gf but she has cooled right off for me. I feel like she still likes me but I acted so crazy when she started pulling away I think I scared her off. I miss how close we were just 2 weeks ago so much. I don't know what to do. I alternat my feel weak and then strong at times but it's a real roller coaster.
I'm seeing my therapist on Thursday and this I know will help but I feel like I've lost someone I care about and scared that I am about to lose my mother who I love.

If any of you guys are praying people, I could really use some prayers, and so could my mom and dad.
Title: Re: Confidence and humility go hand in hand but not dick in hand.
Post by: fyg on June 26, 2016, 05:59:18 PM
Dear RJ,

I'm so sorry to hear about your mother. I'll pray for your parents, I'm not religious, but will do it in my own way... sending out lots of loving thoughts to them. And will send plenty your way too, bro.

Consider my thoughts with you RJ. Sorry to hear about how things are currently with your lady. Not the best time at all, hopefully this will improve in no time.  Hang in there my good brother. You're a good man.

Love, fyg
Title: Re: Confidence and humility go hand in hand but not dick in hand.
Post by: RecoveryJunkie on June 29, 2016, 02:52:33 AM
Thanks for the prayers Fyg. I've finally decided to put an end to the little putty party I've been having and start really enjoying my life again. Some days are better than other but I feel like I've definitely turned a corner here. No matter what life gives us, no matter how bad, fear will always make things worse. "Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in Gods world by mistake. I can find no serenity until I accept life on life's terms." I'm really trying to get to this point because I know the futility of worry.
Title: Re: Confidence and humility go hand in hand but not dick in hand.
Post by: RecoveryJunkie on July 01, 2016, 11:43:34 PM
I'm Happy to report that I feel that I've come through the fear unscathed and stronger. It's been a few days now since things are looking up on that front and I intend to continue doing what I am doing. Since feeling on the verge of cracking up. I have recommitted to my faith in God and worked on certain things which have helped me tremendously.

1) I wrote out a prayer that I say in the morning and at night before bed.
2) I listen to a simple affirmation YouTube video called Confidence
3) I have decided to make myself available to people who come into my life needing help in whatever ways I can be helpful
4) I have been hitting the rugged terrain on my mountain bike every other day
5) I have been journaling  and talking things out with trusted friends
6) I have turned over the issues I am having which I cannot control to God, like my mom and my gf.

The result is I feel free and confident that I can get through anything. Fear is an ugly thing but we can walk through it without PMO.

A couple of quotes which have helped me immensely in these last few weeks...

"The best way around fear is through it."

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"

Apologies to any atheists or non Christians, I only post this because it helped me. Not to offend anyone. I encourage anyone to post anything that has helped them get through a tough time regardless of what others might think, including me. This is  my recovery journal. I am in no way saying you must believe as I do. Just saying this is what I have done to survive a dark place I was in for several weeks.

Good luck to all!

Title: Re: Confidence and humility go hand in hand but not dick in hand.
Post by: Boo on July 02, 2016, 06:55:26 AM
RJ,

There's absolutely nothing wrong with expressing your faith here. This is your recovery and your journal. Faith is important to those of us who have it. They're are many rival conceptions of God but at the end of it, faith can sooth the soul and help us to be centered in a very off center world. I'm happy to read that you are doing well. We're about on the same number of days in this reboot. Be blessed.
Title: Re: Confidence and humility go hand in hand but not dick in hand.
Post by: fyg on July 02, 2016, 07:10:37 AM
Thumbs Up!
Title: Re: Confidence and humility go hand in hand but not dick in hand.
Post by: RecoveryJunkie on July 02, 2016, 07:55:29 AM
Thanks so much guys!
Title: Re: Confidence and humility go hand in hand but not dick in hand.
Post by: Gabriel1960 on July 08, 2016, 02:04:57 AM
RJ you and your family are in my prayers. 
May God grant us all health, mental and physical!
Title: Re: Confidence and humility go hand in hand but not dick in hand.
Post by: RecoveryJunkie on July 09, 2016, 07:28:17 AM
Thank you sir!

 I haven't poated much because my life has been in a bit of caos recently. Things have went from bad to worse in my intimate relationship. It has ended, she is no longer speaking to me. I have not relapsed but the derailment of my relationship was largely self induced.

I'm not proud to say this but when she started to pull away I lost my nerve and became a wounded puppy almost doormat style. Trying to do everything for her to make her want to be closer with devastating consequences. I resorted to the dreaded Mr nice guy and she repelled very strongly to that until the breaking point where I attempted to take my power back and told her she was acting like a b@&#.

I have a long road to travel in my recovery. I see that nofap is just scratching the surface. I am prepared to make amends and move on. Had I known how hurtful it was for her to travel this road with me I would never have asked her out. There was not enough foundation to sustain the relationship.

You see a relationship is based on giving and receiving and starting a reboot at the same time as a relationship where sexually I can only give and not receive is really complicated and lead to a host of unhealthy relationship stuff and when it fell off the rails it was ugly.

Having said that, and gone through that, I have not relapsed, my relationship with my higher power is getting stronger and my confidence is slowly returning.

I have come to realize that a lot of my "nice guy" buddies are porn addicts as well (I can easily think of 5). I have discovered, and this is a wonderful self discovery, that I need to make fundamental changes in my character with regards to being nice as opposed to being a good person. In my last relationship I was not a nice guy. I tended to be more of an ass. This kept me in my disease.

I am seeing my therapist on Thursday and will make a plan to address this manipulative behaviour. It isn't working for me and pushes people away. I know at the core I am a good man and these are just behaviours born of deep insecurities. I spent a couple of weeks in pretty heavy self pity mode but that is over and I am determined to overcome this triumphantly!

I will leave it with a quote that comes to mind "To thyne own self be true."  Please send some positive vibes my way and I will do the same for you my brothers.
Title: Re: Confidence and humility go hand in hand but not dick in hand.
Post by: malando on July 09, 2016, 07:43:44 AM
Hi RJ,
(yes, I'm back from my trip to China)

It seems like this is a week of upheaval. I myself and a few of my buddies here seem to be going through some turmoil of one kind or another. I'm sending you some positive vibes from my end - hope you can catch them. I admire the way you are going though something so difficult as a break up, but you are showing great strength of character and presence of mind, and you are seeing the bigger picture of your life - not just the immediate crisis. Stick with it, my friend.

Best wishes,
M.
Title: Re: Confidence and humility go hand in hand but not dick in hand.
Post by: Gabriel1960 on July 09, 2016, 08:50:45 AM
Hey RJ

I have 19 years sob.  When I had about 4 years sob, I encountered a Men's AA group where the core membership all had 20+ years sob and all those guys (in their 40s) were making 150K+ and living in near million dollar homes.  It was not inherited money.  I stuck around to get to know these guys more (to learn their secret to success), and discovered a strange coincidence.....each of them, unknown to the other, had married (U.S.) Public School Special Education Teachers. 

Hmmmm.  I got to thinking....maybe it would be a great idea for guys like us to seek out Special Education Teachers to date and wed.

So I started seeking out Special Ed teachers.  Then I learned something verrrrry interesting.   Each of the Special Ed teachers that I encountered who were married, each of their spouses were self-made verrrrrry successful.  (One guy founded an insurance agency, another was a successful construction contractor,  another owned a successful (jail) bonding agency)  That was an eye opener. 

So here's the pitch:  wait for it........men like us need ultra-patient, super-duper supportive, uber-creative, spouses.  I made the decision 15 years ago to locate, date, and wed a (U.S.) public school special education teacher.  It worked.  I am now married to one, and it was the best decision I made in sobriety.

That's my two cents.

BTW, I preface this with "U.S." public school, because in Europe, the term "public school" means something very different than in the U.S.  In Europe, public schools are what 'muricans would consider parochial schools.
Title: Re: Confidence and humility go hand in hand but not dick in hand.
Post by: RecoveryJunkie on July 09, 2016, 09:07:31 AM
Thanks guys! Molando, I'm really glad you are back, get back on that horse my friend, I'm in your corner! Gabriel, that's a really interesting antic-dote. I'm not sure about a special Ed teacher but I have started hanging out with a childhood friend who I never dated but she has in the past referee to herself as a "nice girl". We have always been close and I think if I started opening up to her there may be something there to pursue as a good foundation for a relationship. Although I still am not ready to jump in the sack with her it is something that may develop over time. I really appreciate your comments guys. Thank you so much.
Title: Re: Confidence and humility go hand in hand but not dick in hand.
Post by: Gabriel1960 on July 15, 2016, 07:19:41 AM
Yo.
Title: Re: Confidence and humility go hand in hand but not dick in hand.
Post by: Delerium on July 15, 2016, 09:29:55 AM
Hey RJ,

When I read your posts I see so much of myself in there.  I can relate to a lot of what you said.  I know I can be a nice guy but it's not always altruistic, it's manipulative to get what I want. 

Sorry to hear that your relationship broke up. I know how raw and painful it is when someone who has been there for you is no longer there.  I've been feeling that way too. 

Hope the reconnection with the childhood friend continues to be helpful to you.


Take care and all the best on your journey.

Title: Re: Confidence and humility go hand in hand but not dick in hand.
Post by: RecoveryJunkie on July 18, 2016, 11:16:15 PM
Hey guys,

Thanks for checking in. It had been awhile since I posted and my journal was back logged quit a bit and I couldn't find it last time I looked. I didn't have a great weekend. I have lashed out at people a few times and I really need to get a handle on my anger. Pretty soon no one will be speaking with me. Last few nights  I woke up with a bonner and last night I succumbed to JO with O. I don't consider it a full on relapse as I did not view P or Psubs or even fantacy.

I'm feeling hopeful for my mom. She is coming around since my radiologist friend called her. My dad was also very happy that he called. He is a really kind and caring person and my mom really appreciated the call. She is very scared and didn't get treated very well at the hospital. After speaking with my friend my dad said she was very pleased and wanted to continue treatment. I'm so happy. What a blessing!

I'm going to leave it at that for now as tomorrow is my first day back to work after 12 days and I need to be up really early. Thanks again for those who read my posts and either identify or keep me going. I will be praying for you guys tonight. If you read this, I could sure use a few prayers for my anger outbursts of late. I really want them to stop.
Title: Re: Confidence and humility go hand in hand but not dick in hand.
Post by: Delerium on July 19, 2016, 12:13:50 PM
RJ,

Glad your mom is doing better. 

As for the other stuff you talked about, these things are in the past, all you can do is focus on the present and move forward. 

I understand the feelings of anger.  I've been quite frustrated as of late and easily get angry. 


Title: Re: Confidence and humility go hand in hand but not dick in hand.
Post by: Gabriel1960 on July 19, 2016, 01:52:23 PM
My daily anger prayer:

BB Page 67:
"This is a sick man/woman.  How can I be helpful to him/her?  God save me from being angry.  Thy will be done."

Notice that we're asking God to "save us from being angry."  Sixth step stuff.