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Journals => Ages 40 and up => Topic started by: Boo on April 11, 2016, 10:49:55 AM

Title: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on April 11, 2016, 10:49:55 AM
I've been here before. It's been a couple of years . Starting the journal today. The initial work is to start reading again all of the many resources available (articles, videos, journals, success stories, etc.) I'm very familiar with all of what's available in the way of education and help. Yet, I've been using still, after seeing my first porn many, many years ago. I'm going to go find a counter and set one up. Best wishes to all my brothers here in your efforts to quit and improve your lives.

FYI : I'm mid 50's, married over 20 yrs., small business owner, veteran. No kids.


Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on April 12, 2016, 03:09:51 PM
Had very little "pull" (pardon the pun) today to view P. It's only a click away but it will always be so. I tried K9 but I have too many devices for that tactic to work. I need my devices to run my business so it's really just a matter of building up my tool chest with things that can help from a practical standpoint.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: fyg on April 12, 2016, 06:53:40 PM
Hi Boo,

Welcome to the forum. I'm a newbie on here, but not to the process. I'll look forward to hopefully sharing knowledge with you and others on here.

Anyways... bit drunk... and just wanted to say Hi.

Personally for me, we all worry (in life) about protocol so much, when we should just say Hi :) to each other.

Peace
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Leon on April 12, 2016, 08:02:03 PM
Welcome (back) to the Nation, boo.

Like yourself, I'm seeking to recover from a 20-plus year addiction, toward which I've not always been committed.

People change though, we can change. There's a lot of hope in starting a new campaign against this thing, and that hope can deepen your commitment and give you impetus to build new habits that will replace the old.

If you wish, I have several resources in my own journal (linked on the bottom of my quotation area). If you find anything that may be of benefit, then good.

As a side note: despite my setbacks, I've had lengthy 'streaks' of abstinence that were all done without any porn-blockers or filters. So, it's possible, and even preferable if we're to train ourselves not through avoidance, but in learning how to respond differently to our urges/triggers.

Be well, and again, welcome.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on April 13, 2016, 06:50:18 AM
Thanks for the support and feedback Leon. Yes, managing triggers/urges is really, I think, the way to long term success. You learn to control the pull over time. When filters are present, I just become obsessed with how to "game the system", so to speak...i.e. figure out a work-around. The filter begins to torment me, if that makes any sense. I appreciate your observations.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: gummianka on April 13, 2016, 07:40:02 AM
Best of luck Boo. Feel fre to share all you want and PM me any time you want. You have helped me immensely with your comments, and I promise I will be there for you in the same way. This is a hard battle, but that only mean that the victory will taste even sweeter.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on April 13, 2016, 08:40:00 AM
Best of luck Boo. Feel fre to share all you want and PM me any time you want. You have helped me immensely with your comments, and I promise I will be there for you in the same way. This is a hard battle, but that only mean that the victory will taste even sweeter.

Thanks gum !  For most of us, this is really the battle of our lives. I would have never thought that something like this could lead me to hell, disguised as heaven. It is a great example of how our psychology can become so warped. Ernest Hemingway was a depressed alcoholic but IMO, a great writer. I like a quote of his: "The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places"

We can't stay broken my new friend. The only way out is through the pain of mastering our emotions and learning how to mend and "heal over".
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: gummianka on April 13, 2016, 09:01:37 AM
For me, the real horror is that I had no idea. I've been dealing with a lot of addictive things, but have always known that there was a risk involved. Alcohol is a good example. It has been a very positive part of my life, as I have always known the risks, and when I have gone overboard, I have been able to learn from it and make sure I did not repeat the errors.

With porn, I really had no heads up. It was all part of my life, no big deal, and all of a sudden I found myself, as you so correctly say, in Hell. Boom, just like that.

However, fear, desperation and sadness are now getting replaced with an ice cold, dedicated rage. That rage will carry me through this battle. And I look forward to make progress with you at my side.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on April 13, 2016, 09:35:10 AM
Yeah gum, there's no doubt how sneaky porn can be because it seems so natural and harmless at first and can continue to feel this way for quite a long time. THEN, ED or some other problem starts to manifest (take your pick: relationship issues, selfishness, productivity issues, etc,etc.,etc.) and then you start to realize how much influence it has over daily life. As to your new mindset, if a steely cold resolve fueled by a little rage is what does it for you making progress, then nurture that to the point that you can control it. Destroy that which tries to destroy you.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Leon on April 13, 2016, 10:16:43 AM
Thanks for the support and feedback Leon. Yes, managing triggers/urges is really, I think, the way to long term success. You learn to control the pull over time. When filters are present, I just become obsessed with how to "game the system", so to speak...i.e. figure out a work-around. The filter begins to torment me, if that makes any sense. I appreciate your observations.

Certainly makes sense, Boo.

I know filters help a lot of guys here... But in my honest opinion and experience, porn blockers and filters tend to disempower one. It's like, "You can't be trusted around a computer, so here's software to block you're uncontrollable self from accessing God only knows what!"- and it's all the more disempowering if someone else has the password, or receives emails of sites you visit, etc... It's also a constant reminder...
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: gummianka on April 13, 2016, 10:38:00 AM
Agree leon. I think all these things should be seen as a useful tool in the early stages. I can say that right now I need every bit or artificial help I can get, but of course it is something that should be removed later on.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on April 13, 2016, 01:58:00 PM
I'm learning about "low frustration tolerance" (LFT), which is a concept derived from cognitive behavioral therapy. I believe I've been controlled by this for many years and it has led me to seek comfort in porn, sex, drinking, and all forms of indulgence and insistence on always being "comfortable". To understand LFT as well as the common cognitive distortions, I think, will go a long way to understanding my overall worldview and how I handle my most troubling emotions.

I'm not talking about "navel-gazing". This is going to take some mental work and honesty with myself to work through this. It's really coming to grip with reality versus what I've always thought was an acceptable way to live. I hope that makes sense.  :P
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Leon on April 13, 2016, 04:06:55 PM
Agree leon. I think all these things should be seen as a useful tool in the early stages. I can say that right now I need every bit or artificial help I can get, but of course it is something that should be removed later on.

Certainly, gummianka.

Perhaps necessary early on, and don't wish to deprive one of their tools at this stage. You'll know when a various method needs tweeking or refining.

Whatever works now is what's needed.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Leon on April 13, 2016, 04:10:43 PM
I must have had LFT for all these years, boo- and didn't know it, lol...

It's true we must learn how to tolerate doses of uncomfortable life, tolerate without trying to evade, avoid or escape [into fantasy land]. Cold showers, fasting, and other techniques are great training.

Congrats on working with CBT! That, along with mindfulness training (meditation, et. al.) continues to be invaluable to my own recovery efforts.

Blessings.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on April 13, 2016, 05:05:50 PM
Thanks Leon. You seem to be someone to pay attention to around here. I will go through the discipline of reading your entire journal for inspiration and an understanding of your journey. You have shown interest in me and early support and I appreciate it greatly. I'm not that eloquent so my own journal may be of limited value but I will try to give something to the forum as I learn and grow through all this. I really want to remove the power porn has had over me.

 I don't want to be verbose and just ramble on. I've been accused of talking too much. I just want to say what I need to say and say it well, for my own as well as others' edification. (and not curse too much in the process  ;) )

Yes, you're right about cultivating a mindfulness practice. I've never been good at meditating, even with many attempts. I know my "monkey mind " needs it. I'll keep trying.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: gummianka on April 14, 2016, 02:39:31 AM
I just started meditating, and it really helps me. For now I am setting a timer on 5 minutes and simple breathing. In through my nose, out through my mouth, from my balls up through my entire body. Give it a try.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on April 14, 2016, 04:41:59 AM
Yeah, meditating takes practice and patience. It's always been hard for me to sit and not be productive, but I do understand the long term efficacy of meditating.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: gummianka on April 14, 2016, 05:45:05 AM
I'll send over a link to a video explaining the meditation I started doing, and you can see if that feels alright for you. I have that on my PC at home, so will post it tonight.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Rugger1273 on April 14, 2016, 06:42:20 AM
Thank you guys -  I read through the chat on this journal and it has really helped to motivate me-  I keep falling off the wagon- and I keep getting back on. 
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on April 14, 2016, 11:45:10 AM
I'll send over a link to a video explaining the meditation I started doing, and you can see if that feels alright for you. I have that on my PC at home, so will post it tonight.

 Thanks. Yeah, I'm revisiting Youtube for some guided meditations to try. I know the highly skilled folks can just sit and do a completely silent meditation. I'd like to become that skilled but I know it's a progression to that level. I have a lot of ambient music that I'm going to experiment with to meditate to as well.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on April 14, 2016, 11:49:38 AM
Thank you guys -  I read through the chat on this journal and it has really helped to motivate me-  I keep falling off the wagon- and I keep getting back on.

Don't quit Rugger. You must start putting together streaks. Be patient. The streaks will get longer. It's a sign of rewiring and progress EVEN if you have a slip. When you slip, you have to discount it and immediately embrace the attitudinal ways of living that enabled the streak to happen in the first place. NEVER give a slip more power than it deserves.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on April 15, 2016, 07:17:15 AM
Will reach 7 days later today. This week has been pretty good with just a few triggers here and there. I've even limited listening to my favorite "shock jocks" because they always lace their show with a lot of ribald humor and sexual innuendo. It's worth noting that the seemingly innocuous things we encounter in everyday life can be triggers if we're not mindful; that's either true or I'm just so brainwashed  that anything and everything can have me reaching for the tissues.  :o

Whatever the case, small victories lead to bigger victories. I'll quote the business/life philosopher Jim Rohn's formulas for success & failure:

Formula for Success : A few simple disciplines practiced every day
Formula for Failure : A few errors in judgement repeated everyday

He goes on to ask why a person ,with even a bit of intelligence, would continue to repeatedly make errors in judgement every day. The answer is because the person doesn't think it matters. In the short term it doesn't seem to matter. After a few days or weeks of committing these errors, life still seems to be rolling along with no noticeably dire consequences. That's the subtlety of failure: in the short term it doesn't seem to matter.

I think his ideas about this translates well into our addiction to PMO. After many years of not thinking it matters, we come to the harsh realization that it does matter a great deal.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: gummianka on April 15, 2016, 07:39:01 AM
Greatness in 40 minutes a day, was a quote I heard about learning a new skill.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Leon on April 15, 2016, 08:01:57 PM
Thanks Leon. You seem to be someone to pay attention to around here. I will go through the discipline of reading your entire journal for inspiration and an understanding of your journey. You have shown interest in me and early support and I appreciate it greatly. I'm not that eloquent so my own journal may be of limited value but I will try to give something to the forum as I learn and grow through all this. I really want to remove the power porn has had over me.

 I don't want to be verbose and just ramble on. I've been accused of talking too much. I just want to say what I need to say and say it well, for my own as well as others' edification. (and not curse too much in the process  ;) )

Yes, you're right about cultivating a mindfulness practice. I've never been good at meditating, even with many attempts. I know my "monkey mind " needs it. I'll keep trying.

You're welcome, Boo. It is an honor if I can be of any service in your own efforts in this process of healing. I'm glad that you would make the effort to read through my journal- like yourself, I'm always open to someone who has some success so as to learn from them. My recovery is certainly challenged from time to time, and you'll see the human frailty concerning this, but my own approach seems to yield me lengthier streaks to where I come within a very realistic hope of beating this 20-plus year addiction.

I doubt that your journal will be of limited value, as these are your thoughts no matter where you are in your own journey toward recovery. And maybe I'll see some of my own thinking, whether present or previously held views, or I'll see some area where I can lend a helping hand- you never know. I've already been encouraged by certain things you've been saying thus far.

You are certainly within reach of removing the power that porn has over you, because you will soon see that the less power we give porn, the less power it has over us. When we see porn for what it really is, we'll see what it means to us change and alter, and lose it's appeal over us.

For meditation, you may start off with small periods of time, say- 15 minutes. This can be gradually increased to 30 minutes, 45, up to an hour. Part of mindfulness in general is to accept our feelings, the good-the bad- and the ugly. The same even with our monkey mind- when you realize that you are not your thoughts, you'll learn how to separate from them even as you meditate. If they come and chatter away, you'll simply be aware of it non-judgmentally. It's in this way that they quiet down. It's when you engage, and interact that we get caught up in the 'dream' of it. If we try and chase off the thoughts, or fight with them, they only strengthen. Sounds familiar to other struggles, right?   ;)

Looking forward to our conversations as they unfold.

 

Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on April 15, 2016, 10:21:14 PM
Leon,

Thanks for the very thoughtful post and continued support. Yes, lengthier streaks are what I think is a winning approach for all of us. I've been guilty of throwing in the towel when I should have stuck and stayed as the saying goes. No more of that.

To your point about removing porn's power, there's no doubt to me that a lot of us here can fall prey to making porn much bigger than it actually is. We refer to it as the beast, a monster, etc.etc.etc. Is it because we've let it make us smaller? I'm not buying into that mindset any more. Porn is no respecter of persons so I'm not going to respect it. A picture is not a woman. I'm going to reject the lie. 

I will take your meditation pointers to heart. Honestly, I know most of it already but the perfecting is in the practice. I just have to become more committed to giving it a chance to work for me. Meditation in a sense takes a bit of "faith", you have to really believe in the efficacy of it. Thanks for checking in and your support. Be blessed!
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: BlueSun on April 16, 2016, 11:00:30 AM
One of the things I've been focusing on recently is from one of the videos I watched. It was a description of how the pre-frontal cortex, specifically the area where rational judgments are made gets weaker and weaker while the porn cycle gets stronger and stronger. 

So I have three or four people rooting for me and cheering me along with my progress.  Which means, each relapse has the cost of three or four "I relapsed" dialogues.  It isn't the shame or the guilt of having to tell them, that really doesn't play into it.  The part about this that is working for me is that when I'm tempted and almost get sucked in, I realize i'd have to tell them about it.  And just for a second there's a door out.  Just for a second, I have to stop and think about it, a moment of clarity where I can realize i'm about to get pulled in.  Its not very long, but its a part of the cycle that wasn't there before.  And its just long enough for me to remember to say no, whereas before I'd just say fuckit and dive in. 
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Branch on April 16, 2016, 12:14:48 PM
Hey, Boo,

Just a thought on meditation--you don't have to be good at it to reap the benefits, you just have to keep at it.  I learned this from The Willpower Instinct, an excellent book I've gone back to after starting and abandoning it awhile back.  As gum says, 5 minutes daily can make a real difference.  My meditation practice--in a chair, back straight, eyes closed, focused on breathing--is basic but validated by research.  When my focus wanders and other thoughts intrude, which happens continually, I return my focus to my breathing.  As long as I keep doing that, my brain (frontal lobe, executive function) is increasing gray matter and benefiting.  Even during my porn use, I meditated pretty regularly b/c it helps me focus on my work.  I've rededicated myself to everyday.  It's actually kind of fun.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on April 17, 2016, 09:12:43 PM
A relaxing but productive weekend coming to a close. I'm sure I'm flat lining a bit right now which is okay. There are sexual images everywhere you turn in our pop culture. You don't even need porn to get triggered. My own wife can be a trigger. This is a strange life we lead once we've been bitten by porn addiction.

I'm finding that I still objectify women and that's something I really have to work on. So much of how I think has been influenced by lust and covetousness. It's really shameful. But, I'm really committed to evolving into someone who is not so consumed by desires and is more capable of contentment with a more humble and generous way of being. A work in progress, indeed. I really appreciate being here more than in the past. I'm humbled by the struggle but having some folks to share it with is a blessing. My existence here is certainly a dichotomy. I wish I wasn't here but I'm glad I am.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Branch on April 18, 2016, 11:29:26 AM
I really appreciate being here more than in the past. I'm humbled by the struggle but having some folks to share it with is a blessing. My existence here is certainly a dichotomy. I wish I wasn't here but I'm glad I am.

Hey, Boo,

I identify with this.  I also returned to Reboot Nation recently and this time feel connected to others here.  In the past, on this and other similar websites, reading and responding to comments was a mainly chore and an inconvenience.  I didn't have the right attitude.  For whatever reason now I'm ready to engage and listen and try to help out.

Let's succeed this time!

Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on April 19, 2016, 10:15:32 AM
Yes Branch, let's really give it the ole' college try. I posted in your journal because you sounded troubled yesterday. I hope things went okay for you. I'm following the advice of Feetfirst and "setting my intention" for the day which will encompass clarity of my end goal, staying in the moment, and avoiding any and all triggers.

My focused attention will be on internalizing my efforts to truly believe in, and act in accordance with, my ability to be content and peaceful without unnecessary fantasy, wishful thinking or being overly self absorbed. Basically, I'm going to quit asking myself whether I'm happy or not. The incessant self-focus leads to acting out. I just want to "BE".
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Chip on April 19, 2016, 12:28:06 PM
I've been here before. It's been a couple of years . Starting the journal today. The initial work is to start reading again all of the many resources available (articles, videos, journals, success stories, etc.) I'm very familiar with all of what's available in the way of education and help. Yet, I've been using still, after seeing my first porn many, many years ago. I'm going to go find a counter and set one up. Best wishes to all my brothers here in your efforts to quit and improve your lives.

FYI : I'm mid 50's, married over 20 yrs., small business owner, veteran. No kids.
I can identify, I'm 45, married 21 yrs, day trader, no kids.  I've been actively trying to get away from porn since a life changing event at the end of 2003.  I've read many books, took part in a bible study website called, "Setting captives free" and I think have a pretty broad understanding and knowledge of this XYZ addiction, but never could quite kick it.  I have recently learned about this protein "Delta FosB" which answered some questions for me about why I continue to struggle.  Setting Captives free was only 45 days long, Delta FosB from my understanding can take 90 Days or more to leave the brain.  From the day I finished SCF I still felt the need for an occasional peek which would eventually lead to a full blown binge that typically for me seem to last about 4 days.  I'm not here for any ED issues, I havent really had any, but I want to be done with this, I'm tired of riding the, "Sick Cycle Carousel".  Recently something finally clicked for me and I realized the problem was I liked what I was looking at and I liked the rush it would give me and that was my problem, I needed to NOT like it, to have a heart change.  So I finally asked for that, a heart that wanted Him and to NOT want the trash anymore.  I looked up some videos on youtube from Ex-porn stars that tell what its really like behind the scenes, that its not one big happy party.  And that helped me see that looking at that junk wasn't just hurting me, or my marriage, but all those people on the screen too.  Knowing what I was doing was hurting someone else made a difference in me, finally.  For so long it seemed like I had this little secret vice that wasn't hurting anyone, but that wasn't true at all.  Check out this girls video, an ex-porn star.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ymWVWHOgDFM
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on April 19, 2016, 08:46:47 PM
Thanks Chip. I watched the video. I've seen many like it including several documentaries. There's plenty of heartbreak to go around. Shelly Lubben (ex porn star crusader) posted an evocative video which you probably have seen, a memorial to dead porn stars. Link is below if you want to watch. It's a disturbingly sad 7:20 sec. There's other similar ones but this was the first.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r0q_VGacfNk

Yes, the key is falling out of love with our hand and with porn. It absolutely involves a change of heart. When the heart changes, the man changes. Just keep that computer on the day-trading sites and you'll be okay. It's impractical for me to use filters. I really don't want that anyway. BUT, whatever works, I say go for it.

There was much discussion about Delta FosB a few years ago on YBR. The jury may still be out on that science but it's something to consider and should be part of one's knowledge base.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on April 20, 2016, 07:02:07 AM
I'm setting my intention to be very productive today. I've got some serious thinking to do about my business and personal finances and important tasks to accomplish.

Honestly, don't we all have a lot to do? And yet we let a PMO habit rob us of so much potential. That's the thing about failures in life. They are subtle. This is because in the short term it doesn't seem to matter. A few errors in judgement today doesn't cause the sky to fall. But many days, years ,and months of that and then you don't have the life you once envisioned for yourself. This is the product of addictions, bad habits, laziness, procrastination, wishful dreaming, self delusion, self absorption, narcissism, etc. etc. etc.

The reversal of fortune I'm seeking must involve good habits, productivity, time management, realistic goals and dreams, true self awareness, self honesty, charity, and service. AND, NO PORN.  Who's ready to join me?
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Chip on April 20, 2016, 08:33:42 AM
I'm setting my intention to be very productive today. I've got some serious thinking to do about my business and personal finances and important tasks to accomplish.

Honestly, don't we all have a lot to do? And yet we let a PMO habit rob us of so much potential. That's the thing about failures in life. They are subtle. This is because in the short term it doesn't seem to matter. A few errors in judgement today doesn't cause the sky to fall. But many days, years ,and months of that and then you don't have the life you once envisioned for yourself. This is the product of addictions, bad habits, laziness, procrastination, wishful dreaming, self delusion, self absorption, narcissism, etc. etc. etc.

The reversal of fortune I'm seeking must involve good habits, productivity, time management, realistic goals and dreams, true self awareness, self honesty, charity, and service. AND, NO PORN.  Who's ready to join me?
Very wise, very poignant.  I'm inspired.  I've read somewhere that the XYZ addiction actually interferes with a lot of those positive things you mentioned.  A lot of XYZ junkies have debt issues because it makes you impulsive.  XYZ is a "Time Suck" like facebook.  XYZ is really the antithesis of what it offerrs.  XYZ promise pleasure, happiness, fulfillment and joy 24/7, but instead pain, destruction and time forever lost...  In order to successfully win we must take it seriously and press on to the victory. 

"Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more;"  William Shakespeare
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on April 20, 2016, 09:17:36 AM
I'm setting my intention to be very productive today. I've got some serious thinking to do about my business and personal finances and important tasks to accomplish.

Honestly, don't we all have a lot to do? And yet we let a PMO habit rob us of so much potential. That's the thing about failures in life. They are subtle. This is because in the short term it doesn't seem to matter. A few errors in judgement today doesn't cause the sky to fall. But many days, years ,and months of that and then you don't have the life you once envisioned for yourself. This is the product of addictions, bad habits, laziness, procrastination, wishful dreaming, self delusion, self absorption, narcissism, etc. etc. etc.

The reversal of fortune I'm seeking must involve good habits, productivity, time management, realistic goals and dreams, true self awareness, self honesty, charity, and service. AND, NO PORN.  Who's ready to join me?
Very wise, very poignant.  I'm inspired.  I've read somewhere that the XYZ addiction actually interferes with a lot of those positive things you mentioned.  A lot of XYZ junkies have debt issues because it makes you impulsive.  XYZ is a "Time Suck" like facebook.  XYZ is really the antithesis of what it offerrs.  XYZ promise pleasure, happiness, fulfillment and joy 24/7, but instead pain, destruction and time forever lost...  In order to successfully win we must take it seriously and press on to the victory. 

"Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more;"  William Shakespeare


Yes, you mentioned Facebook,  I was the first one I knew on it but left that nonsense a long time ago. Total narcissism and data mining. A true product geared toward our self absorbed culture. (along with Twitter, Instagram, etc. I don't use social media at all. .If you're a friend and you want to communicate with me you have to call me or email me. OLD SCHOOL RULES!  8)  )

Yes, Shakespeare's Henry V, great story, inspiring quote.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on April 21, 2016, 08:24:52 AM
New day. I'v'e been cutting back on alcohol consumption in conjunction with this reboot, which I'm not sure helps or not. When you're used to "relaxing" with a few drinks (or more  :o) and just quit, it produces a whole different set of challenges and anxiety separate from dealing with PMO addiction.

Oh well, either way it's my current path to get healthier mentally and physically. I quit smoking years ago but did start enjoying cigars in the early 2000's. I've cut way back on that as well, since the cigars and alcohol sort of always paired together for me. I'm also considering cutting back on caffeine to try to even out my energy levels and sleep a little better. I already have a sleep disorder, sleep apnea, and NOOOO, I'm not overweight. I'm 6', 190 lbs. However, my waist has been hovering in the 38-inch range. I need to get that back to 34-35 in. and I'll be content. I also exercise fairly regularly, 4-5 days a week (moderate weights, incline treadmill, occasional HIIT)

I also cut my own grass, hand wash my own cars, and help with the lawn care, grounds keeping, and maintenance at my church. Mentioning all of this has no real intention other than to sort of present myself as just a regular "joe", probably like a lot of guys here. I have self improvement goals but know I must also take things one day at a time.

MY PMO progression began by seeing girlie mags for the first time back in the 60's (age 8 or 9 ), then Super 8mm "stag" films courtesy of my older brothers at age 13. Then it progressed to VHS, hardcore mags, dial up internet, and now the fastest internet money can buy.

When I was oversees in the Marine Corps I dabbled with Japanese, Korean, and Filipino prostitutes. Prior to that I had some sexual encounters in my late teens, but really very few. Girls really liked me but I was shy and lacked confidence. After the Marines I came back home and throughout my 20's had 3 LTRs ( two of which each had a child ). Met my wife at age 29 and have been with her for 26 yrs. I cheated on one of the former girlfriends one time, that's it. That's the extent of me "acting out".

My sex drive has always been pretty high and porn has really helped settle me down. BUT, we all know where it leads. I have a really good looking wife who takes care of herself. I have no reason to look elsewhere. She's has a lot of integrity, is honest and caring. She really looks out for me.

 Well, that's it for the moment. This post wasn't meant to turn into the "stream of consciousness" missive that it did. Soooo.....

Ciao! ( I learned that in Italy a couple years ago  8) )
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Chip on April 21, 2016, 10:04:53 AM
New day. I'v'e been cutting back on alcohol consumption in conjunction with this reboot, which I'm not sure helps or not. When you're used to "relaxing" with a few drinks (or more  :o) and just quit, it produces a whole different set of challenges and anxiety separate from dealing with PMO addiction.

Oh well, either way it's my current path to get healthier mentally and physically. I quit smoking years ago but did start enjoying cigars in the early 2000's. I've cut way back on that as well, since the cigars and alcohol sort of always paired together for me. I'm also considering cutting back on caffeine to try to even out my energy levels and sleep a little better. I already have a sleep disorder, sleep apnea, and NOOOO, I'm not overweight. I'm 6', 190 lbs. However, my waist has been hovering in the 38-inch range. I need to get that back to 34-35 in. and I'll be content. I also exercise fairly regularly, 4-5 days a week (moderate weights, incline treadmill, occasional HIIT)

I also cut my own grass, hand wash my own cars, and help with the lawn care, grounds keeping, and maintenance at my church. Mentioning all of this has no real intention other than to sort of present myself as just a regular "joe", probably like a lot of guys here. I have self improvement goals but know I must also take things one day at a time.

MY PMO progression began by seeing girlie mags for the first time back in the 60's (age 8 or 9 ), then Super 8mm "stag" films courtesy of my older brothers at age 13. Then it progressed to VHS, hardcore mags, dial up internet, and now the fastest internet money can buy.

When I was oversees in the Marine Corps I dabbled with Japanese, Korean, and Filipino prostitutes. Prior to that I had some sexual encounters in my late teens, but really very few. Girls really liked me but I was shy and lacked confidence. After the Marines I came back home and throughout my 20's had 3 LTRs ( two of which each had a child ). Met my wife at age 29 and have been with her for 26 yrs. I cheated on one of the former girlfriends one time, that's it. That's the extent of me "acting out".

My sex drive has always been pretty high and porn has really helped settle me down. BUT, we all know where it leads. I have a really good looking wife who takes care of herself. I have no reason to look elsewhere. She's has a lot of integrity, is honest and caring. She really looks out for me. I'll expand more on another post about our intimacy issues (maybe  ;D) I know this, I love her and she deserves better than I've given her. I'll paint a clearer picture of our lives in further posts, mainly as a way to relate to other similar guys here on the forum . I would bet my situation has a lot in common with "some" of you.

 Well, that's it for the moment. This post wasn't meant to turn into the "stream of consciousness" missive that it did. Soooo.....

Ciao! ( I learned that in Italy a couple years ago  8) )
I think sometimes just saying something out loud, writing it down or just sharing it, is helpful.  I use to have a big issue with regret and frustration over where my life was, so I thought back through my life and wrote down the situations I wished I'd handled differently, then I wrote out beside them what I should have done, I even imagine myself doing the right thing.  Once I finished it, I looked it over, prayed about it, asked for forgiveness over the things where I did wrong and then burned the list.  Since then its been easier to move forward and stop looking back, I try and focus on making my now the best I can make it.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on April 22, 2016, 06:40:33 AM
Chip,

Yeah, I guess opening up a bit is part of the journaling process. To your point, life is absolutely filled with regret and frustration for many of us. I think it's the ego at work: we simply think we're so much better than we actually are. Human beings are extremely guilty of hubris. The reality of our failing to live up to our own idealized standards is a bitter pill for most to swallow. That's why so many of us end up playing the "blame game". People just don't like to take responsibility.

One good thing about having a journal here is we can all accept responsibility for our defective ways of being and the bad decisions we've made. We're anonymous, so why not? Amidst all this anonymity there should at least be honesty and I've found that to be true for the most part. However, there are still some people here fooling themselves. Oh well, all we can do is be a sounding board for one another.

As for me, at almost two weeks I'm really not missing porn. I have a flash of a thought from time to time but I am vigilant in focusing on what porn really is. That could be an interesting question to pose to people here: What is porn? There's lots of adjectives and perceptions behind that answer.

Good for you in staying focused in the now and letting go of past mistakes and failures. We all have to suffer through some self reflection and then move on if we want to truly get better.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on April 26, 2016, 07:38:47 AM
I've been around the boards a bit this week but not in my own journal very much. Going on vacation to a beach next week (lots of triggers! YUM ! Just kidding  8) )  This will probably mean my wife won't get much of a break of me putting "moves" on her. We'll see.

Anyway, triggers do come and go and I know the end goal is to change my psychology regarding them. I truly believe this is possible. I think it is ultimately much harder to try to eliminate all triggers from one's life ( unless you go live in a cave). My goal is to be  fully conscious of how I walk through this life and experience all the sights, sounds, etc. and know that I'm a man in control of himself and not an animal driven by baser "instincts" i.e.  I am changing from a man controlled by a carnal nature to  a man living in peace with himself. Moment by moment. Day by day.

I did have a very nice sexual encounter with my wife over the weekend, even if I did "pornify" it a bit. ( I have to work on that). I still have much to do to achieve a greater and healthier intimacy with her. It's a work in progress, to be sure.

Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: fyg on April 26, 2016, 10:31:51 AM
Honestly, don't we all have a lot to do? And yet we let a PMO habit rob us of so much potential. That's the thing about failures in life. They are subtle. This is because in the short term it doesn't seem to matter. A few errors in judgement today doesn't cause the sky to fall. But many days, years ,and months of that and then you don't have the life you once envisioned for yourself. This is the product of addictions, bad habits, laziness, procrastination, wishful dreaming, self delusion, self absorption, narcissism, etc. etc. etc.

The reversal of fortune I'm seeking must involve good habits, productivity, time management, realistic goals and dreams, true self awareness, self honesty, charity, and service. AND, NO PORN.  Who's ready to join me?

I'm ready to join you Boo, I'm not ready for charity and service, I have dipped a toe in at times though, but I respect them. Last couple of days I've procrastinated heavily and missed two important deadlines... I've actually been hiding under my duvet today, and was considering using a crutch of going to get some sugar-heavy 'treats' and stuffing my face. But, no... Shower, walk, hair-cut and healthy foods to be eaten later. Cheers!!

P.S. This Your quoted post saved me from sugar binge and maybe more. Cheers again.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Feetfirst on April 26, 2016, 10:52:20 AM
Boo, great to have you here. You have been a great support to me. Thank you. FF
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Leon on April 26, 2016, 01:23:00 PM
Anyway, triggers do come and go and I know the end goal is to change my psychology regarding them. I truly believe this is possible. I think it is ultimately much harder to try to eliminate all triggers from one's life ( unless you go live in a cave). My goal is to be  fully conscious of how I walk through this life and experience all the sights, sounds, etc. and know that I'm a man in control of himself and not an animal driven by baser "instincts" i.e.  I am changing from a man controlled by a carnal nature to  a man living in peace with himself. Moment by moment. Day by day.

Well said, Boo. It's not the triggers themselves, but how we respond (or rather, not respond) to them. Some may not agree, but the triggers or stimuli themselves will change for us over time. For example driving by a bill board doesn't affect me as it once did, or driving by a porno bookstore doesn't have the same 'pull' it once had on me.

You should be fine, keeping to that 2-second rule thing. Will keep you in mind, and have a good vacation.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on April 27, 2016, 10:50:57 AM
Anyway, triggers do come and go and I know the end goal is to change my psychology regarding them. I truly believe this is possible. I think it is ultimately much harder to try to eliminate all triggers from one's life ( unless you go live in a cave). My goal is to be  fully conscious of how I walk through this life and experience all the sights, sounds, etc. and know that I'm a man in control of himself and not an animal driven by baser "instincts" i.e.  I am changing from a man controlled by a carnal nature to  a man living in peace with himself. Moment by moment. Day by day.

Well said, Boo. It's not the triggers themselves, but how we respond (or rather, not respond) to them. Some may not agree, but the triggers or stimuli themselves will change for us over time. For example driving by a bill board doesn't affect me as it once did, or driving by a porno bookstore doesn't have the same 'pull' it once had on me.

You should be fine, keeping to that 2-second rule thing. Will keep you in mind, and have a good vacation.

Thanks Leon. Yes, I will definitely be observing the 2-second rule at the beach. I never really "stare" because, honestly, I would never want my wife to notice that and somehow feel hurt or diminished. But, I totally understand the rule as you explain it and how it keeps images from burning into the mind and possibly fueling lustful thoughts as opposed to a quick acknowledgement of beauty. Great strategy for personal responsibility in controlling one's thoughts. Practice, practice, practice  :)

Leon, I also wanted to tell you that I've read through the first 3 pages of your journal. There's so much great interaction between you and others and really too many golden nuggets to try to start quoting stuff. I knew it would be that way which is why I bookmarked it in my signature. It's a valuable resource for me thus far and I want to thank you for your efforts to share. I've got a long way to go but I'm more resolved now than in the past. I'm still concerned about lapses but I'm trying to learn to take life as it comes, because it will, and I know that PMO as a coping mechanism is not the answer.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Leon on April 27, 2016, 11:16:25 AM
Thanks Leon. Yes, I will definitely be observing the 2-second rule at the beach. I never really "stare" because, honestly, I would never want my wife to notice that and somehow feel hurt or diminished. But, I totally understand the rule as you explain it and how it keeps images from burning into the mind and possibly fueling lustful thoughts as opposed to a quick acknowledgement of beauty. Great strategy for personal responsibility in controlling one's thoughts. Practice, practice, practice  :)

Leon, I also wanted to tell you that I've read through the first 3 pages of your journal. There's so much great interaction between you and others and really too many golden nuggets to try to start quoting stuff. I knew it would be that way which is why I bookmarked it in my signature. It's a valuable resource for me thus far and I want to thank you for your efforts to share. I've got a long way to go but I'm more resolved now than in the past. I'm still concerned about lapses but I'm trying to learn to take life as it comes, because it will, and I know that PMO as a coping mechanism is not the answer.

You're welcome, boo. Yes, practice makes perfect  ;) It also teaches us that we can be in control.


Grateful that you've deemed my journal as a resource. It is both humbling as well as a sobering, in that it makes it a little more 'real' that someone else is reading this, and that my own struggles or times of weakness may be all the more visible. But that's a good thing, not that it makes me 'accountable', but rather it deepens my own sense of responsibility, that our behaviors affect others for good or bad, whether we like it or not.

Having a contingent plan for possible lapses would be a good strategy. While we never wish to 'plan' for failure, having a plan in place for a possible lapse is a good idea so as to avoid what is referred to as the abstinence violation effect (ave), studied mostly in relation to alcoholism, but relatable to how we may perceive lapses.

Bottom line on that, whether we lapsed or not- if we perceive it as a phenomenon outside of ourselves, beyond our control (whether it was due to outside or inside stimuli or circumstances), we're more likely to lapse again. But if we perceive it as something within our control, that it was a choice we made regardless of the process triggered, we're more likely not to lapse again.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Chip on May 02, 2016, 02:05:33 PM
Enjoy the beach, I'm envious ;D  Look forward to hearing reports on your return.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: bob on May 03, 2016, 10:43:17 PM
Hey Boo,

Thanks for the kind words on my journal. I wanted to connect so I can keep track of your progress as well.

Haven't had time to read much but I will be thinking about you as we work to conquer this addiction.

Peace
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Branch on May 08, 2016, 12:41:51 AM
Hey, Boo,

I really like what you said on 4/26--the part Leon quoted.  That really sums up what it's all about--peace of mind, full consciousness, thoughtful decision-making, being guided by our higher selves.  Those are things I've aspired to most of my life and I've let porn blur them and put them in the background.  Reading that paragraph, I thought this really is about much more than getting past porn.  Getting past porn is essential, but in a way that's just the start of the journey.  Or a continuation.  Anyway, very thoughtful, very insightful.  I admire your approach and your mindset.  Thanks.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on May 08, 2016, 11:43:11 PM
Hey guys,

Thanks for your recent remarks. I've reached 30 days of no PMO today. I see many here still struggling and I've certainly had my own struggles over many attempts and reboots. It's humbling to realize the extent to which I've succumbed to my baser instincts over so many years. It's also humiliating to think that if those I've loved could have seen me in action, just what would have been their opinion of my character. I'm really talking about self respect here.

I'm hopeful that my final attempt at removing porn from my life truly began 30 days ago. Time will tell. I am feeling more confident and my self efficacy concerning my life in general is on the uptick. This is good. I still get triggered though, so the watchword is vigilance. I just spent a week at the beach, so, you can imagine what I saw. I kept directing my mind to how lovely my wife looked in her bikini. She's modest and wears "cover ups" over it a lot but I got my share of peeks. We also made love several times,  which helps my rewiring and certainly is good for our relationship. We are still very much in love. She is much more than I deserve and has always had my best interests at heart. I sometimes forget that. She does for me what porn never could and never will.

So, moving forward I'll say that I'm here to give and receive. We have to encourage each other. We all have to "raise up a new standard" for ourselves. We have to come out the other end of this journey clean. I'm not going to let myself down anymore.



Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Leon on May 09, 2016, 09:08:39 AM
Well done, Boo! And congratulations on 30 days and beyond.

Blessings.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on May 09, 2016, 09:25:58 AM
Well done, Boo! And congratulations on 30 days and beyond.

Blessings.

Thanks Leon. You're a true Spiritual Warrior and a valued leader here.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: fyg on May 09, 2016, 11:06:21 AM
Woot! on 30 days, Boo and great and motivating post from your holidays :)

Cheers!!
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on May 09, 2016, 12:45:14 PM
Thanks fyg. Reconnecting with my wife and the subsequent rewiring is a crucial part of victory, at least for me. I'll admit that if I were single it would pose a greater challenge, if only out of boredom and loneliness. It's really about seeing the truth of what my wife really means to me. That's a big part of it. It's living on a higher plane of existence that is not being ruled by my fleshly nature.

In my own awareness of my sexual nature, I guess I'm trying to recapture the "sacredness" of my union with my wife, both the physical as well as the mental aspect of our lives together....what the Bible refers to as being "equally yoked" ( If I'm remembering correctly. I'm not a scholar, to be sure). I guess this makes sense to some of you.  :-\
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Chip on May 09, 2016, 03:06:06 PM
Thanks fyg. Reconnecting with my wife and the subsequent rewiring is a crucial part of victory, at least for me. I'll admit that if I were single it would pose a greater challenge, if only out of boredom and loneliness. It's really about seeing the truth of what my wife really means to me. That's a big part of it. It's living on a higher plane of existence that is not being ruled by my fleshly nature.

In my own awareness of my sexual nature, I guess I'm trying to recapture the "sacredness" of my union with my wife, both the physical as well as the mental aspect of our lives together....what the Bible refers to as being "equally yoked" ( If I'm remembering correctly. I'm not a scholar, to be sure). I guess this makes sense to some of you.  :-\
Congrats on the success and blessings.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: gummianka on May 10, 2016, 09:50:10 AM
Congrats Boo. Nice to sign in and see that you're doing good!
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on May 10, 2016, 10:04:20 AM
Thanks Gum, Chip

I'm confident you guys can get on a good streak as you figure out what works for you. There are many tools, both physical and mental, to choose from. This path is very individualistic and sometimes culled from many different sources to create a hybrid that works for YOU. Just don't give up. A lapse doesn't have to turn into a relapse. 
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: fyg on May 10, 2016, 10:12:09 AM
The idea of 'union' rather than doing it 'for somebody' or having it done 'to you' makes sense to me! (another poster mentioned this the other day). Though the times I've experienced 'union' are only a small few, very small actually. Not been in love. But, nonetheless, I understand! ;)
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on May 11, 2016, 01:42:37 PM
I haven't been in my journal much but have been trying to encourage others lately. I've been being triggered a bit and it's sometimes a worry but I've been doing the mental work necessary to reduce their powers of influence.

I want to talk about MO'ing and my personal experiences concerning that over the last month or so. I've MO'ed 3 times in 33 days. I've had sex with my wife 8 times. Prior to my reboot I was not having regular sex with my wife for some time but we were otherwise getting along very well. Needless to say, she's been happier lately with our intimacy.

I don't want to trigger anyone so I'll try to tread carefully. My wife is what many would consider a really attractive MILF. 54 yrs. old, 5'4" 110 lbs. Works out, professional job, takes good care of herself. Brown eyes that are like pools you could drown in. She has already had a full hysterectomy many yrs ago and her sex drive fluctuates based on hormones and so forth. BUT, whenever I've initiated, she's RARELY not been up for it. We've had quite a lot of sex over 26 yrs. of being together. She's never had kids so her body has not had to endure that. Okay, I digress.......

Over the years I was using porn and still having regular sex with my wife. Sooo, I thought I had the best possible scenario. But then I quit initiating with my wife regularly over the last few years and found myself becoming disinterested with my fairly hot wife. This is absurd. AND, spiritually damaging to our relationship.

 Since I first wrapped my mind around this concept of porn addiction and all of the resulting problems I've had several unsuccessful reboots. During these times I've had very little sex with my wife. This has been for the last approx 2 yrs. She's bought a lot of my excuses and hasn't really made a big deal out of it. (remember, we've banked a lot of sex) Maybe she's appreciated the break  :o  Anyway, fast forward to now.

As in the past, I've been experiencing the chaser effect after sex with her. I've MO'ed 3 times in 33 days, mostly to sensation but also to pictures of her. LET ME BE CLEAR ABOUT THE PICTURES:  You could show them to kids. I have my own bathroom and inside the cabinet door is my "mini shrine" to her. It's just a collage of pictures. She's clothed in all : one bathing suit, two in spagetti strap maxi dress, a couple in mini skirts, etc. NOTHING INDECENT. But, she is just naturally very sexy, at least to me.
She has a very alluring look about her sometimes. Maybe I'm just under a spell. ;D

So,  I've "used " these pics along with images of making love to her that are cemented in my head. I really don't want to MO but have succumbed to this extent. I'm not sure how troubled I am by this. I guess I'm sort of pornifying my wife even though all of these thoughts are strictly of us. Leon, please counsel me on this if you're reading. It seems like this is helping me rewire to my wife but MO'ing is still a relationship with my hand and I don't want that. I want my sexuality to finally transcend that, for God's sake.

So, that's where I am. No porn. No bargaining about porn. Chaser effect from sex with my wife. MOing to mostly sensation but aided in part by what I described above. Peace everyone.

Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Branch on May 11, 2016, 06:33:58 PM
Hey, Boo,

33 days! 

That you've had this addiction for so long and are so committed and making good progress is impressive.

Bravo--keep it going!
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: bob on May 11, 2016, 10:55:51 PM
Boo,

I love your honesty and openness to talk frankly about your relationship. Your post made me smile at the honest and open love you have for your wife. I will try and think about what you have said but right now I have to hit the hay. Its late.

Thanks for being here.

Peace
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: fyg on May 12, 2016, 02:48:13 AM
Just to say like the other guys. Keep going man. Respect!

Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: gummianka on May 12, 2016, 03:42:18 AM


So,  I've "used " these pics along with images of making love to her that are cemented in my head. I really don't want to MO but have succumbed to this extent. I'm not sure how troubled I am by this. I guess I'm sort of pornifying my wife even though all of these thoughts are strictly of us. Leon, please counsel me on this if you're reading. It seems like this is helping me rewire to my wife but MO'ing is still a relationship with my hand and I don't want that. I want my sexuality to finally transcend that, for God's sake.


That is something I too wonder. Is using images of real women you either have a relationship with or want to have one reinforcing you to be sexually stimulated by those women in real ife, or are you killing the urge and making them into "porn" so you can only get off from them in a picture format?

Oh, and good post overall Boo, interesting to see your journey, and as it is going so well, a good inspiration!
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on May 12, 2016, 06:46:58 AM
Thanks men. We all have to get serious about this thing. Otherwise, we live in a state of perpetual anxiety over it. I've been thinking about the concept of "picking and choosing your battles" and my thoughts of late are that the only true security in life is when we're dead. Otherwise, existence is an almost constant  state of one form of  insecurity or another (relationships, finance, work, bills, health,  family dynamics, war, terrorism, 24 hr. news cycle, etc. etc.)

Life is going to keep coming at us whether we're addicted or not. Dealing with addiction triggers and the sensational aspects of this world will always be with us, to one degree or another. That's why it's so crucial to have tools other than PMO to deal with the inevitable insecurity that is life. We're going to feel insecure one way or another. Pick your battle: Life with porn vs. Life without porn. Which "stressful existence" do we choose? Which one are we willing and able to fashion an "acceptable" existence from where we can find some joy and contentment amidst all the inevitable chaos.

It's all a question of free will. Life is like a tapestry. It's woven day by day. My tapestry has been tattered as of late. What does that say about me? Whoever is observing me, whether it's God or others, I want them to look at my life and say, "Now that's really woven well!" I want my lifestyle to be woven well! In spite of all the challenges and chaos, I want to maintain my dignity and self respect. I want to be productive while living a life of integrity. I want to be "whole" in a world that's fragmented. I personally believe I have the best chance of living this way without porn. Porn has the power to steer me away from all of that. It's that simple.

My tools are a combination of faith and self reliance. I believe in the old protestant ethic of "God helps those who help themselves". We have to do the work. Why does life have to be so complicated? I guess we'll have the answer when we finally slip into the "great mystery" at the end of life. In the meantime, we have work to do. Faith is soothing, if nothing else. We all need to find a way, whatever our belief system is. Keep the faith guys, if in nothing other than yourselves. This problem won't fix itself. We have to be serious in our commitment.

Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Leon on May 12, 2016, 07:35:53 AM
Great post, Boo!

You're doing an excellent job, motivating yourself as well as others.

I'm also encouraged by your focus.

Blessings.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Feetfirst on May 13, 2016, 06:15:48 AM
Great post Boo, you are making a great contribution to the collective wisdom here at RBN. I love the tapestry analogy. A life with porn or a life without porn. There is our simple choice. As you say life is insecure. This is our reality. It will never be any other way. We cannot predict what will happen next. Whilst this may not be comfortable one thing for sure is porn doesnt make it any less uncomfortable. It only promises it does. In reality it only can deliver suffering. So our choice is learning to become skillful in managing uncomforatable feelings or suffering as a result of choosing porn as a solution.
Right. I will stop there. Beginning to talk shite.
Have a good day. FF
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on May 13, 2016, 07:04:10 AM
Leon
Feetfirst

Thanks for your encouraging support. As I approach 35 days today I'll say that it's been a challenging period at times. The monkey mind is always racing and trying to throw poo at the better angels of our nature. The key for me has been to not allow the thoughts that emanate from my addictive mind to stay and marinate. This is what we must do! It's just so easy to succumb to the runaway mind and get sucked into the vortex of pornographic thought. This takes diligence men!

This struggle is as real for me as anyone here. I've used porn for a long, long, long time. I think we have to just get fed up with it. The mindset has to be that we do not approach porn addiction from a point of weakness. You have to understand your innate power to control yourself. We are not like the rest of the animals that function purely on instinct.

YES, we are hardwired to advance the human race and therefore seize opportunities to procreate. I get it. But, we are also bonding creatures and that goes against f**king everything in "sight". That's why, despite what the MGTOW and PUA websites say, I believe marriage ultimately makes for a happier man. SOOO, having said that, I also appreciate the struggle that a single person would have with this addiction. It's different for you guys and I understand. I also understand how marriages can go bad as well. Divorced guys, I feel you.  I think most of us need someone in our lives and loneliness can be tough. I understand how porn fills that void. Maybe that's part of why it's so tough to quit.

Anyway, I'm just rambling here. I don't have any profound answers except to say that we all need to have a strong enough "why" to do the work required to stop doing what each of us feels is damaging to us in some way. It's personal and unique for everyone. There are always REASONS why we do or don't do something. Sometimes it's the subconscious at work steering us in a direction that we never planned on. That's why giving this stuff some serious thought and working to embed new attitudes is so important. Let's put some good streaks together with a "forever" streak being the goal.

Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Chip on May 13, 2016, 07:31:30 AM
Powerful words, a lot of truth and wisdom.  Keep taking those thoughts captive.  Congrats.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: fyg on May 15, 2016, 08:28:42 AM
Really motivational post, Boo. Thank you, man.

Cheers!
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on May 16, 2016, 04:25:34 PM
Thanks men.

I'm feeling pretty even today and I am at peace with where I am in this reboot. It's not been without challenges and since I'm so easily triggered I must be vigilant. My lizard brain is really great at objectifying women, even my own wife. Of course this leads to unhealthy fantasies which trigger acting out. It's all just such a complicated mental game. Presence of mind is the order of the day.

I pray that I can continue to access the strength that is within me. I pray for soaring self efficacy. I pray for healing of this heart of darkness that I've lived with in the shadows of porn addiction. My time for healing and rejuvenation is at hand. Will I embrace it, once and for all?


Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Robert2.0 on May 16, 2016, 05:04:55 PM
Boo,

Thank you for your kind words you left on my journal.  I have found your posts to be insightful and look forward to new contributions as you continue on your journey.  I am positive many members have found help from your posts. Thank you brother.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Chip on May 19, 2016, 08:40:07 AM
40 days!  Keep it going, you'll be 90 before you know it.  ;D
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Feetfirst on May 19, 2016, 10:28:41 AM
Boo.
Congratulations! 40 days is a great achievement and a good marker. Well done. Thank you for your ongoing support, your wise and often grounding words. I appreciate the stayer in you. Loved the prayer...
I pray that I can continue to access the strength that is within me. I pray for soaring self efficacy. I pray for healing of this heart of darkness that I've lived with in the shadows of porn addiction. My time for healing and rejuvenation is at hand. Will I embrace it, once and for all?
You will succeed!
FF
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on May 19, 2016, 12:18:51 PM
Robert,
Chip
Feetfirst

Thanks for the support and kind remarks. I'd lost track of the days this week and saw 40 last night. Thinks are going okay except that I've been tempted to MO twice this week, once having gone as far as starting to in front of the mirror in my bathroom right before showering. THEN, I just stopped and looked at myself and then used the mental tool I mentioned in another post ( two way mirror interrogation room scenario). I felt weak at that moment. It was strictly on feeling involving little to no fantasy, which I suppose is acceptable for some here who may still feel the need to MO.

For me, however, I really don't want to waste my sexual energy, even in a supposedly "acceptable" way that doesn't involve porn. It's still sex with myself. I know this is a tough topic and there are many rivaling opinions on MOing. Anyway, I prevailed both times and feel a renewed sense of self control from the experiences. I almost wish I were flatlining but I'm not. Part of it is that I work out, eat clean, and am in very good shape for 55. Sometimes my libido seems to spike when my wife is not available .  I need to start putting moves on my wife again when I have the chance. Timing is everything for busy people, as we all know.

 As far as porn goes, I've been tempted to view porn subs more than I feel comfortable with. Our whole society is so ingrained with them that it's easy to just find something in the most "seemingly" innocuous of sources. I remember as a kid how the "bra" ads in my grandmother's Redbook magazine were so titillating to me. Now, you see that on a billboard driving down the highway.

MEN, sex is everywhere in our culture and it's not going away. Even as our governments seems to be going the way of Orwell's "Animal Farm", our society is going the way of Huxley's "Brave New World". It's all about pleasure seeking and manipulation. We have to rage against the porn machine that's bigger than even we realize. We have to think for ourselves. I'm starting to think of a porn user as being a "tool" in all of this. As a society, we're steadily losing our independence. I'm declaring independence from the porn industry as a step to regaining a greater overall level of independence in my life. I'm sick of being played for a fool and a tool. In the words of my older, more vulgar brother, F**K THAT S**T.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Feetfirst on May 19, 2016, 02:53:59 PM
"I'm declaring independence from the porn industry as a step to regaining a greater overall level of independence in my life. I'm sick of being played for a fool and a tool. In the words of my older, more vulgar brother, F**K THAT S**T."
Love it Boo. I am going to paste that into my post. So I can reread when I feel I need the power. So funny I laughed out loud. Absolutely!!! I am with you all the way brother. FF
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Leon on May 21, 2016, 07:45:01 AM
Well said, Boo. I declare independence with you from the porn industry that simply exploits all involved for mere monetary gain.

I agree with your comments regarding masturbation, that it's sex with ourselves, no matter how 'mindfully' we do it- as some teach.

For me, it's all part of, or rather, the main reason for the sex addiction. Porn is just a way to enhance and elaborate on the act of masturbation.

Congrats on saying No to that, and the porn subs...

Blessings.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on May 21, 2016, 09:42:06 AM
Well said, Boo. I declare independence with you from the porn industry that simply exploits all involved for mere monetary gain.

I agree with your comments regarding masturbation, that it's sex with ourselves, no matter how 'mindfully' we do it- as some teach.

For me, it's all part of, or rather, the main reason for the sex addiction. Porn is just a way to enhance and elaborate on the act of masturbation.

Congrats on saying No to that, and the porn subs...

Blessings.

Hey Leon, thanks. Yes, the M'ing seems to be at the center of it. It's a hard impulse to control, even without porn. I feel the compulsion, strictly as a manifestation of libido, probably once or twice weekly. If one would start to view porn while already feeling an increase in libido, then it's extremely hard to not act out.

It's something for each of us to ponder, kind of like the chicken/egg question.Which came first? Does porn feed libido or does libido lead one to view porn? I guess it's one or the other, depending on the day. In the middle of it all is also the need to medicate from stress/pain, etc.etc. It's complicated and disturbing. I really have to develop more resolve concerning "M". I'm really missing porn less and less these days, which I'm thankful for. Thanks for checking in. 
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Chip on May 21, 2016, 12:12:39 PM
Well said, Boo. I declare independence with you from the porn industry that simply exploits all involved for mere monetary gain.

I agree with your comments regarding masturbation, that it's sex with ourselves, no matter how 'mindfully' we do it- as some teach.

For me, it's all part of, or rather, the main reason for the sex addiction. Porn is just a way to enhance and elaborate on the act of masturbation.

Congrats on saying No to that, and the porn subs...

Blessings.

Hey Leon, thanks. Yes, the M'ing seems to be at the center of it. It's a hard impulse to control, even without porn. I feel the compulsion, strictly as a manifestation of libido, probably once or twice weekly. If one would start to view porn while already feeling an increase in libido, then it's extremely hard to not act out.

It's something for each of us to ponder, kind of like the chicken/egg question.Which came first? Does porn feed libido or does libido lead one to view porn? I guess it's one or the other, depending on the day. In the middle of it all is also the need to medicate from stress/pain, etc.etc. It's complicated and disturbing. I really have to develop more resolve concerning "M". I'm really missing porn less and less these days, which I'm thankful for. Thanks for checking in.
I would agree and add that maybe porn warps libido, sex drive-junk food.  Having a libido/sex drive is normal, natural and a very good thing.  Feeling the urge to be intimate with our spouses is a must, it brings us closer, it keeps us in sync and its freaking awesome even when its not perfect.  Porn on the other hand pushes us away, promotes solitude and loneliness and distance.  Libido is good, Porn is bad.  Libido and love coexist in harmony.  Libido is a tap on the shoulder reminding you its time to be close, she needs it and you need it, you both need it, so enjoy.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on May 22, 2016, 07:54:38 AM
Well said, Boo. I declare independence with you from the porn industry that simply exploits all involved for mere monetary gain.

I agree with your comments regarding masturbation, that it's sex with ourselves, no matter how 'mindfully' we do it- as some teach.

For me, it's all part of, or rather, the main reason for the sex addiction. Porn is just a way to enhance and elaborate on the act of masturbation.

Congrats on saying No to that, and the porn subs...

Blessings.

Hey Leon, thanks. Yes, the M'ing seems to be at the center of it. It's a hard impulse to control, even without porn. I feel the compulsion, strictly as a manifestation of libido, probably once or twice weekly. If one would start to view porn while already feeling an increase in libido, then it's extremely hard to not act out.

It's something for each of us to ponder, kind of like the chicken/egg question.Which came first? Does porn feed libido or does libido lead one to view porn? I guess it's one or the other, depending on the day. In the middle of it all is also the need to medicate from stress/pain, etc.etc. It's complicated and disturbing. I really have to develop more resolve concerning "M". I'm really missing porn less and less these days, which I'm thankful for. Thanks for checking in.
I would argue porn warps libido.  Having a libido/sex drive is normal, natural and a very good thing.  Feeling the urge to be intimate with our spouses is a must, it brings us closer, it keeps us in sync and its freaking awesome even when its not perfect.  Porn on the other hand pushes us away, promotes solitude and loneliness and distance.  Libido is good, Porn is bad.  Libido and love coexist in harmony.  Libido is a tap on the shoulder reminding you its time to be close, she needs it and you need it, you both need it, so enjoy.

No argument here. You're kind of making my point, although I wasn't clear enough I guess. When I said porn feeds libido I meant in an unnatural  way...i.e.....you may not even be feeling horny but if your addicted mind leads you to watching porn it will create a "false" elevation of libido. Libido naturally comes and goes on it's own, right?  I had a very nice "session" with my wife yesterday that was driven by my natural libido and love for her. I don't think I've ever said that porn was good for one's libido so I'm not sure what point you're arguing, to be honest.

The second part of what I said about libido feeding porn use has more significance for me in terms of logistics..i.e... if my natural libido kicks in in the morning, when testosterone is highest, and my wife is working, then what do I do? This is where the rubber meets the road: BECAUSE, I may seek out porn as a convenient tool to help me quickly act out and relieve myself. This is where trouble begins for many of us. At the center of it is masturbation and how we manage  and/or abstain from it.

Right now I'm not feeling drawn to porn at all, but my "natural" libido is urging me to masturbate when my wife is not around. If I do, and let me say that I don't want to, I need to still be on guard about porn. Porn is the bigger problem, even though I also want to diminish or eliminate masturbation as well. Masturbation is at the center of porn use, ultimately, IMHO. Hope that clears things up a bit for you. The issue isn't about intimacy with my wife, which I have, it's about unhealthy intimacy with myself. Many of us masturbated before we discovered porn. That is the truly long term habit.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Leon on May 22, 2016, 10:08:24 AM
...When I said porn feeds libido I meant in an unnatural  way...i.e.....you may not even be feeling horny but if your addicted mind leads you to watching porn it will create a "false" elevation of libido. Libido naturally comes and goes on it's own, right?  I had a very nice "session" with my wife yesterday that was driven by my natural libido and love for her...

The second part of what I said about libido feeding porn use has more significance for me in terms of logistics..i.e... if my natural libido kicks in in the morning, when testosterone is highest, and my wife is working, then what do I do? This is where the rubber meets the road: BECAUSE, I may seek out porn as a convenient tool to help me quickly act out and relieve myself. This is where trouble begins for many of us. At the center of it is masturbation and how we manage  and/or abstain from it.

Right now I'm not feeling drawn to porn at all, but my "natural" libido is urging me to masturbate when my wife is not around. If I do, and let me say that I don't want to, I need to still be on guard about porn. Porn is the bigger problem, even though I also want to diminish or eliminate masturbation as well. Masturbation is at the center of porn use, ultimately, IMHO. Hope that clears things up a bit for you. The issue isn't about intimacy with my wife, which I have, it's about unhealthy intimacy with myself. Many of us masturbated before we discovered porn. That is the truly long term habit.

I myself don't understand too much about libido, outside of experience of course. My own addictiveness distorted what was for me natural libido. I would find myself during those times acting out of habit (in whatever way it expressed itself at the time), but learned after a while that maybe I'm not obsessing as per my addiction, maybe I was simply just horny?

Recently I experienced this, and decided as I lay in bed obsessing, that my wife- who was next to me asleep- needed to be the object of my sexual needs, not myself. So, I turned to her- and we ended up having a really good 'session' together. This is something I try and work out with her, if it gets to that point.

About a "false elevation of libido", for me it's a matter of respecting our sexuality- kind of like seeing it as a power which can be misdirected, and can be something that we can totally lose control over in the moment. So, viewing stuff (porn or porn-subs) only fuels what is after all an appetite, and we may have that illusion of control- that we can stop whenever we want to- but we start a [mating] process in our brains, that finds completion in the act. I've been fortunate to find this completion with my wife as it should be- but my hope is to not start off in the distortion of my sexuality, but rather to initially respond to natural libido with her from the start- and it's often that way, just speaking of those times when I've obsessed.

My point here is that- we're in control, unless of course we're responding to our urges. Our urges in terms of libido may be natural, but is our mind misinterpreting them as our addiction? If we respond in the same old ways (in terms of acting out), we only strengthen our unhealthy habits.

As for your statements regarding logistics... see that the urges themselves (fueled by natural libido, distorted by the lower brain as a need to masturbate) are temporary. Urges may be like the tides of the ocean, they rise and they fall. They increase, but they again subside. They may seem like they'll never go away without being acted on, but they will. Maybe they come in waves, so be it. Ride the first wave out, wait it out, and it will subside. If another comes, you'll be ready- to do what? Nothing. Don't even judge it as good (natural libido) or bad ('must do the m-word'), just be aware of it as you calm yourself down through deep breathing. Use those logistics as times of training, you'll see that you're after all in control, and not libido, and certainly not the m-habit.

As for the differentiation between porn and masturbation- I would kind of see them as the same thing. Whether one is viewing porn (and, yes, I can see that as a 'worse case scenario'), or doing the autoeroticism, it's all the same dopamine addiction acting out. Why is this important? Because we should see this as a unit- a sex addiction, or rather, a dependency on dopamine through these related acts.

Regardless, just as we refuse to give too much power to porn- as if it were some external force acting upon us, so too ought we to refuse to give too much power to masturbation. This is tricky, and it's explanation may fall short- but it's the difference between viewing external forces (including natural libido, times of day, logistics) as all-important factors in our behavior- versus what arises from us- ourself- that we're the ones who impose so much meaning onto these factors which only serve to disempower us. Instead, it's from ourselves, from within ourselves, where we seek to find the power to say, 'NO' to an impersonal and powerless impulse- because we're more than that.

Forgive the lengthy ramblings, hoping that in them are helpful advice and encouragement.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on May 22, 2016, 01:06:00 PM
Leon,

Good stuff to ponder, thanks. Yes, I want to reduce autoeroticism, in all it's forms, from my life. I want to have the control to know that I don't have to act on my urges, whether they be natural or not. Rightly said, the power resides within and must be exercised with full consciousness and forbearance. 
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Chip on May 22, 2016, 03:46:34 PM
Well said, Boo. I declare independence with you from the porn industry that simply exploits all involved for mere monetary gain.

I agree with your comments regarding masturbation, that it's sex with ourselves, no matter how 'mindfully' we do it- as some teach.

For me, it's all part of, or rather, the main reason for the sex addiction. Porn is just a way to enhance and elaborate on the act of masturbation.

Congrats on saying No to that, and the porn subs...

Blessings.

Hey Leon, thanks. Yes, the M'ing seems to be at the center of it. It's a hard impulse to control, even without porn. I feel the compulsion, strictly as a manifestation of libido, probably once or twice weekly. If one would start to view porn while already feeling an increase in libido, then it's extremely hard to not act out.

It's something for each of us to ponder, kind of like the chicken/egg question.Which came first? Does porn feed libido or does libido lead one to view porn? I guess it's one or the other, depending on the day. In the middle of it all is also the need to medicate from stress/pain, etc.etc. It's complicated and disturbing. I really have to develop more resolve concerning "M". I'm really missing porn less and less these days, which I'm thankful for. Thanks for checking in.
I would argue porn warps libido.  Having a libido/sex drive is normal, natural and a very good thing.  Feeling the urge to be intimate with our spouses is a must, it brings us closer, it keeps us in sync and its freaking awesome even when its not perfect.  Porn on the other hand pushes us away, promotes solitude and loneliness and distance.  Libido is good, Porn is bad.  Libido and love coexist in harmony.  Libido is a tap on the shoulder reminding you its time to be close, she needs it and you need it, you both need it, so enjoy.

No argument here. You're kind of making my point, although I wasn't clear enough I guess. When I said porn feeds libido I meant in an unnatural  way...i.e.....you may not even be feeling horny but if your addicted mind leads you to watching porn it will create a "false" elevation of libido. Libido naturally comes and goes on it's own, right?  I had a very nice "session" with my wife yesterday that was driven by my natural libido and love for her. I don't think I've ever said that porn was good for one's libido so I'm not sure what point you're arguing, to be honest.

The second part of what I said about libido feeding porn use has more significance for me in terms of logistics..i.e... if my natural libido kicks in in the morning, when testosterone is highest, and my wife is working, then what do I do? This is where the rubber meets the road: BECAUSE, I may seek out porn as a convenient tool to help me quickly act out and relieve myself. This is where trouble begins for many of us. At the center of it is masturbation and how we manage  and/or abstain from it.

Right now I'm not feeling drawn to porn at all, but my "natural" libido is urging me to masturbate when my wife is not around. If I do, and let me say that I don't want to, I need to still be on guard about porn. Porn is the bigger problem, even though I also want to diminish or eliminate masturbation as well. Masturbation is at the center of porn use, ultimately, IMHO. Hope that clears things up a bit for you. The issue isn't about intimacy with my wife, which I have, it's about unhealthy intimacy with myself. Many of us masturbated before we discovered porn. That is the truly long term habit.
When I said "argue" it was just a figure of speech, not that I was arguing with you.  LOL.  No worries, we're good.  I agree and understand what your saying and yes having our natural libido kick in when its not feasible to satisfy it at that time, can lead to struggle.  Learning to deal with that urge, in a positive productive way, I guess, is the struggle.  For so long, if the urge hit me I just went and dealt with it on my own, MO.  Sometimes it involved porn, sometimes not.  So I agree 100% with what you said, I just misunderstood some of it.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on May 23, 2016, 06:18:15 AM
Well said, Boo. I declare independence with you from the porn industry that simply exploits all involved for mere monetary gain.

I agree with your comments regarding masturbation, that it's sex with ourselves, no matter how 'mindfully' we do it- as some teach.

For me, it's all part of, or rather, the main reason for the sex addiction. Porn is just a way to enhance and elaborate on the act of masturbation.

Congrats on saying No to that, and the porn subs...

Blessings.

Hey Leon, thanks. Yes, the M'ing seems to be at the center of it. It's a hard impulse to control, even without porn. I feel the compulsion, strictly as a manifestation of libido, probably once or twice weekly. If one would start to view porn while already feeling an increase in libido, then it's extremely hard to not act out.

It's something for each of us to ponder, kind of like the chicken/egg question.Which came first? Does porn feed libido or does libido lead one to view porn? I guess it's one or the other, depending on the day. In the middle of it all is also the need to medicate from stress/pain, etc.etc. It's complicated and disturbing. I really have to develop more resolve concerning "M". I'm really missing porn less and less these days, which I'm thankful for. Thanks for checking in.
I would argue porn warps libido.  Having a libido/sex drive is normal, natural and a very good thing.  Feeling the urge to be intimate with our spouses is a must, it brings us closer, it keeps us in sync and its freaking awesome even when its not perfect.  Porn on the other hand pushes us away, promotes solitude and loneliness and distance.  Libido is good, Porn is bad.  Libido and love coexist in harmony.  Libido is a tap on the shoulder reminding you its time to be close, she needs it and you need it, you both need it, so enjoy.

No argument here. You're kind of making my point, although I wasn't clear enough I guess. When I said porn feeds libido I meant in an unnatural  way...i.e.....you may not even be feeling horny but if your addicted mind leads you to watching porn it will create a "false" elevation of libido. Libido naturally comes and goes on it's own, right?  I had a very nice "session" with my wife yesterday that was driven by my natural libido and love for her. I don't think I've ever said that porn was good for one's libido so I'm not sure what point you're arguing, to be honest.

The second part of what I said about libido feeding porn use has more significance for me in terms of logistics..i.e... if my natural libido kicks in in the morning, when testosterone is highest, and my wife is working, then what do I do? This is where the rubber meets the road: BECAUSE, I may seek out porn as a convenient tool to help me quickly act out and relieve myself. This is where trouble begins for many of us. At the center of it is masturbation and how we manage  and/or abstain from it.

Right now I'm not feeling drawn to porn at all, but my "natural" libido is urging me to masturbate when my wife is not around. If I do, and let me say that I don't want to, I need to still be on guard about porn. Porn is the bigger problem, even though I also want to diminish or eliminate masturbation as well. Masturbation is at the center of porn use, ultimately, IMHO. Hope that clears things up a bit for you. The issue isn't about intimacy with my wife, which I have, it's about unhealthy intimacy with myself. Many of us masturbated before we discovered porn. That is the truly long term habit.
When I said "argue" it was just a figure of speech, not that I was arguing with you.  LOL.  No worries, we're good.  I agree and understand what your saying and yes having our natural libido kick in when its not feasible to satisfy it at that time, can lead to struggle.  Learning to deal with that urge, in a positive productive way, I guess, is the struggle.  For so long, if the urge hit me I just went and dealt with it on my own, MO.  Sometimes it involved porn, sometimes not.  So I agree 100% with what you said, I just misunderstood some of it.

Hey Chip, I hear you brother. I wasn't getting "sideways" with you. I realized I wasn't  being very clear with the whole nature/nurture thing. We're all in this together bro. I knew you weren't really arguing.   Sorry that I insinuated that you were. We're good. Thanks for your input. Always appreciated.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Chip on May 23, 2016, 06:54:22 AM
I read somewhere that following food, that sex is our second strongest drive.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on May 23, 2016, 06:59:56 AM
I read somewhere that following food, that sex is our second strongest drive.

It drives me to distraction sometimes, no doubt  ::)
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on May 24, 2016, 12:43:05 PM
I'm experimenting with ERP (Exposure-Response-Prevention) therapy. There are different protocols one can follow. It's a bit like dancing at the edge of the abyss. Not for everyone, to be sure. I'm basically following Leon's protocol as explained on page 11 of his journal.

I've posed a few questions in his journal to clarify my understanding of implementation. I think it would be a bit dangerous unless you've not used porn for several weeks. I believe the purpose is to reinforce long term control over acting out from triggers and urges, which will always be with us, in one form or another.

I can see the efficacy of ERP if it is practiced with caution and self awareness. It can really help one to master urges. I think it's a way to build on progress already made...maybe collapse time frames on achieving total mastery over this habit. It should not be practiced, IMO, without a high degree of confidence. It could easily lead to acting out and possibly a full blown relapse.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Chip on May 24, 2016, 01:37:44 PM
I'm experimenting with ERP (Exposure-Response-Prevention) therapy. There are different protocols one can follow. It's a bit like dancing at the edge of the abyss. Not for everyone, to be sure. I'm basically following Leon's protocol as explained on page 11 of his journal.

I've posed a few questions in his journal to clarify my understanding of implementation. I think it would be a bit dangerous unless you've not used porn for several weeks. I believe the purpose is to reinforce long term control over acting out from triggers and urges, which will always be with us, in one form or another.

I can see the efficacy of ERP if it is practiced with caution and self awareness. It can really help one to master urges. I think it's a way to build on progress already made...maybe collapse time frames on achieving total mastery over this habit. It should not be practiced, IMO, without a high degree of confidence. It could easily lead to acting out and possibly a full blown relapse.
I went and read Leon's page 11 ERP deal.  I'm afraid y'all will have to go that path without me.  To me its inviting disaster, a kin to playing with fire.  I'm not trying to be preachy, but when the Bible warns me to flee temptation, I think its the factory recommended approach.  I know as men we all want to be strong and be able to withstand whatever gets thrown at us, but the way I understand what our approach is to be, in light of scripture, is a path of defense, by putting on the "Whole Armor of God", "By Fleeing when we are tempted".  The flesh IS weak...  To be quite honest I'm fearful for you taking this path.  It is your choice to make and I do hope it all goes to plan for you.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: gummianka on May 24, 2016, 01:56:18 PM
hahaha, really? Must be something in the air, I just did a simliar thing :)
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on May 24, 2016, 04:41:55 PM
I'm experimenting with ERP (Exposure-Response-Prevention) therapy. There are different protocols one can follow. It's a bit like dancing at the edge of the abyss. Not for everyone, to be sure. I'm basically following Leon's protocol as explained on page 11 of his journal.

I've posed a few questions in his journal to clarify my understanding of implementation. I think it would be a bit dangerous unless you've not used porn for several weeks. I believe the purpose is to reinforce long term control over acting out from triggers and urges, which will always be with us, in one form or another.

I can see the efficacy of ERP if it is practiced with caution and self awareness. It can really help one to master urges. I think it's a way to build on progress already made...maybe collapse time frames on achieving total mastery over this habit. It should not be practiced, IMO, without a high degree of confidence. It could easily lead to acting out and possibly a full blown relapse.
I went and read Leon's page 11 ERP deal.  I'm afraid y'all will have to go that path without me.  To me its inviting disaster, a kin to playing with fire.  I'm not trying to be preachy, but when the Bible warns me to flee temptation, I think its the factory recommended approach.  I know as men we all want to be strong and be able to withstand whatever gets thrown at us, but the way I understand what our approach is to be, in light of scripture, is a path of defense, by putting on the "Whole Armor of God", "By Fleeing when we are tempted".  The flesh IS weak...  To be quite honest I'm fearful for you taking this path.  It is your choice to make and I do hope it all goes to plan for you.

Yeah, this approach is not for everyone. You have to stay with what's working for you, if you truly feel that it is. This ERP stuff is taking it to the next level in mastering urges and compulsions. It's a bit risky, but for me it's a calculated risk. This is about not fearing porn. This is about making myself stronger than the urges that want to lead me.

It's all about taking porn's power away. Once the power is gone, then the pull is gone. Where's there's no pull, there's no interest. ERP is essentially a form of brain reconditioning that takes the reboot to a higher level. That's my understanding, anyway. I'm not promoting it nor seeking affirmation to do it. It's just part of the path I'm taking. Mentioning it here is just part of my journal and what's going on with me. Anyone trying this should really be aware of the pitfalls, which I am.

And you know, Chip, if I lapse, so be it. I guarantee it won't turn into a relapse.  I also will learn something either way. I'm becoming less and less fearful of porn and what it can influence me to do. I'm not in the clear yet, but I'm getting there. The first ERP session caught me a little off guard. This is something that has to be done in an exact way following a strict protocol, as I see it. A long time ago I served in the Marine Corps. If I could do that, I can do this.  ;)
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: TK-421 on May 24, 2016, 05:57:01 PM
Hey Boo - My thoughts on ERP (and you can take it or leave it) is that it's not something I would entertain trying as a stategy. I can only speak for my experiences, but I know that my brain will tell me all sorts of things and find all kinds of ways to rationalize porn use. Even if your intentions on the surface seem good, you are still giving your brain that artificial dopamine hit that it is looking for. My advice - do the hard 90. Don't let your brain tell you that quoting poem wasn't so hard or that you have this beat and can try advanced techniques. I can't speak for you, but I know that for me any kind of intentional, prolonged exposure would be the start of a relapse. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but I've learned that if I try to keep porn in my life I always end up down the same road.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on May 24, 2016, 06:11:53 PM
Hey Boo - My thoughts on ERP (and you can take it or leave it) is that it's not something I would entertain trying as a stategy. I can only speak for my experiences, but I know that my brain will tell me all sorts of things and find all kinds of ways to rationalize porn use. Even if your intentions on the surface seem good, you are still giving your brain that artificial dopamine hit that it is looking for. My advice - do the hard 90. Don't let your brain tell you that quoting poem wasn't so hard or that you have this beat and can try advanced techniques. I can't speak for you, but I know that for me any kind of intentional, prolonged exposure would be the start of a relapse. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but I've learned that if I try to keep porn in my life I always end up down the same road.

ERP doesn't involve prolonged exposure. As I said, I'm just updating my journal as to what I'm doing. I'm not really seeking affirmation or making recommendations. But, I do appreciate your interest. This is an advanced technique, not for the faint of heart. It's good for you that you know you should avoid it.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on May 27, 2016, 10:28:45 PM
I have been very busy the last 48 hrs. helping my church and getting caught up on chores around my house. All in all I've been feeling pretty good about my progress as I will be hitting 50 days tomorrow.

Once I determined that I wasn't a victim of porn I began to believe in my ability to control and conquer the urges that have for so long steered my behavior.

Gentlemen, ask yourselves, do you want to be the captain of your ship? Do you want to be the "alpha" in your life?. If your married, it doesn't matter whether she's a shrew or a saint, she wants you to lead her. She wants you to be the "alpha' in the house.

Think about this: watching another guy get Pu$$Y while you jack off is really one of the most "beta" things you can do. I've known for a long time that porn was really robbing me of being the kind of man that I want to be. Those days are over. I have a ways to go, but I am getting stronger and more resilient day by day.

I'm not a feminist. This world needs men to lead it. Your immediate social sphere needs you to rise above this sh*t and be a positive force of nature. All porn does is weaken us as MEN. This is a bullshit way to live.

Am I trying to fire some of you guys up? You're fucking right I am!  Let's stop the navel gazing and all the psychobabble, okay? We either own our minds or we don't. I take ownership.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: gummianka on May 28, 2016, 04:34:14 AM
I agree with every letter in that post
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Leon on May 28, 2016, 08:31:08 AM
Good word, Boo! Lol... this is what we need, to be challenged as men to be men! It's like the porn industry has been instrumental in castrating men-folk from being the manly and godly examples their family, their society needs.

It's a truism that to have control in the area of our sexuality (no ogling, no wanking, and no porn-use) encourages male virility, creativeness, and gosh darn it- the female populace can sure sense it....! The funny thing is, when we're in control like that, we have no intention of taking advantage of the female populace when they do take notice of our male-power. Ironically, when we are 'on the take', and lack control in areas of our sexuality, they (women) notice that, too- so if we were a wolf in the hen house, they part the waves, because they sense that 'creepiness' about us.

Congrats on your 50 days, Boo- you deserve to celebrate in some way.

Blessings.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Chip on May 28, 2016, 09:14:18 AM
Keep moving forward and congrats on approaching the 50 Day milestone.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: fyg on May 28, 2016, 06:18:48 PM
I like these posts!
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Robert2.0 on May 29, 2016, 08:50:24 AM
Thank you Boo for cutting through the crap and getting to the basics.  Taking ownership of your life is what it is all about.  As we have all heard, there are 2 types of people.  Those who lead and those who follow.  Applying this to your personal life, being on this site and participating in the forum, sharing and educating yourself is being a leader, taking control of your life. We all know what being a follower is about, it is what our lives have been using PMO. It is why we are here.  Be a leader in your own life. The first step is making a decision to rid PMO from your life.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on May 29, 2016, 02:09:49 PM
I want to thank you small group of guys who show some interest in my journal and also for the kind remarks. I've been trying to keep it real since I've been here. What I say may not always resonate, but I always try to be honest and authentic.

I appreciate the support and ideas that we all share with each other. RN is a brotherhood of men trying to become better men. We all have it within us to realize a fuller manifestation of our potential as husbands, fathers, brothers, sons, lovers, mates, partners ,or whatever. If we can change, then everything will change for us.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: fyg on May 29, 2016, 02:43:25 PM
Hi Boo... Just a quick one to say it was really cool to see how you helped Chip in his earlier posts. I know this is a bit weird as it's not me who you helped, though you have, as I already mentioned in my journal, but what the hell. I got a lot from reading Chips journal, and your comments were part of it.

Congrats on the five-o... I didn't wanna say as I have congratted a few people and then they have 'faltered', which of course is okay. Anyway... Peace Bro  8)

I haven't read your journal for a few weeks...which is crazy! But maybe I thought you were okay as you were, maybe similar to Leon... But I think that's my issue with dealing with dudes sometimes anyways...

Anyways, really peace out this time :)
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: malando on May 29, 2016, 04:13:06 PM
I want to thank you small group of guys who show some interest in my journal and also for the kind remarks. I've been trying to keep it real since I've been here. What I say may not always resonate, but I always try to be honest and authentic.

I appreciate the support and ideas that we all share with each other. RN is a brotherhood of men trying to become better men. We all have it within us to realize a fuller manifestation of our potential as husbands, fathers, brothers, sons, lovers, mates, partners ,or whatever. If we can change, then everything will change for us.

Nice words, Boo. This is exactly what I think RN should be. Sometimes it goes a bit off course, and people can get a bit judgemental and preachy with each other. But that's to be expected, I suppose. As long as we keep reminding ourselves of why we're here and to try to help where we can, RN will be an invaluable tool and source of safety and support for all of us. I know that if I had not found this place, I'd be in a dopamine stupor over porn sites right now.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Chip on May 29, 2016, 06:51:49 PM
I want to thank you small group of guys who show some interest in my journal and also for the kind remarks. I've been trying to keep it real since I've been here. What I say may not always resonate, but I always try to be honest and authentic.

I appreciate the support and ideas that we all share with each other. RN is a brotherhood of men trying to become better men. We all have it within us to realize a fuller manifestation of our potential as husbands, fathers, brothers, sons, lovers, mates, partners ,or whatever. If we can change, then everything will change for us.
You are most welcome, I just wish Branch was here with us.  Have a great Memorial Day Weekend and thank you for your service too.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on May 30, 2016, 06:47:35 AM
I'm looking forward to a quiet Memorial Day here in my peaceful neighborhood. I'm a veteran and there's a culture of military service in my family going back a hundred years. I'm grateful for the sacrifices made for the freedoms I enjoy.

Several years ago we spent Memorial Day week in Washington D.C. Going the Arlington National Cemetery was a very emotional experience. Peace to all today.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: fogfreebrain on May 30, 2016, 12:30:22 PM
Hi Boo

Thanks for the note on YBR. Decided to try out here too based on your recommendation.

Had a slip today.

So back on the 0.

Good to see you doing well.

Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Feetfirst on May 30, 2016, 11:49:25 PM
Hi Boo, just dropping by to say a big thank you for your support over this challenging period. Things have picked up and I begin to level out a bit. Day at a time. Great to see you doing so well. Keep up the good work.
Well done. FF
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on May 31, 2016, 09:47:25 AM
Thanks for the remarks ! 
fogfree
Feetfirst

A slip doesn't have to be a relapse. We control everything.

Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on May 31, 2016, 12:18:48 PM
I fully realize that there's not a prize for posting. There's no "best thread" designation, or the like. But I got a tremendous amount of info and insight out of the first three pages of posts here, from both the original poster and others. (Got gummed down by the term ERP on page four; so many new phrases and sub-threads to follow up on, yikes.) For me, there was a very real wealth of "aha" and "yes, me, too" moments in this thread and reading it gave me the 20-minute timeout from thought that I needed for heading into the "real" world. Anyway, I appreciate your posts and the solid round-robin following up on them.

Also, why am I using so many "quotation marks?"

Keep killin' it fellas,
Fj6

Hey there Fj6,

There's lots of help available around RN. I'm glad you found some helpful stuff in my journal. We're all here for basically the same reason. There are different methods, strategies, tips and tricks to employ as you move forward in your quest to help yourself.

If you have faith and believe that God is on your side, that should prove to be soothing and encouraging for you. If you're more secular or somewhere in between, it really doesn't matter in terms of getting better. You can get better if you have a strongly defined reason for doing so. It has to have meaning for you, personally.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on May 31, 2016, 03:28:13 PM
I'm going to try to strictly adhere to a "NO MO" June. I've MO'd 6 times in 53 days to just physical sensation with or without fantasy. I truly want to master this part of myself. It troubles me that I have the emotional connection with this form of auto eroticism even when I have a willing spouse.

I had sex with my wife yesterday but succumbed to the chaser effect today and MO'd. I don't want this. I'm being honest in saying that since I started this no PMO reset I've struggled with the chaser effect following sex with my wife. It's always been within a day or two post coitus. So,  I'm starting "NO MO" June tomorrow. I am going to be diligent in controlling my thought life, even as it concerns fantasizing about my wife.

I am sure we will have sex since it's getting to be like the old days for us. I want to have intimacy with her while controlling my fantasy life. This will be a challenge. I'm obviously going to suspend my experimentation with ERP, but only FOR NOW. Right now my goal is "NO MO" for June. I'm not sure if this makes sense to some of you. I know what I want from myself as a sexual being. It's just hard to articulate.

Part of what fuels my fantasy life is that I've had quite a lot of sexual experiences with women. In high school it was a couple of girlfriends.  In the military it was Japanese, Korean, and Filipino chicks plus a few WM's (Women Marines ) In my 20's it was 3 different LTR's with very sexual women (one flight attendant). Then I met my wife in 1989.  Anyway, this is not bragging in any way. I wish my wife was the only one. Between my own experiences and porn, I feel as though I've constantly objectified women my whole life. I objectify my own wife.

So, that's where I'm at. I'm trying to settle my mind and live more peacefully, more lovingly. I want to be able to have a truer intimacy with my wife while not feeling like I'm controlled by my sexual instincts to act out alone. I hope this all makes sense. 
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: TK-421 on May 31, 2016, 04:14:07 PM
I'm going to try to strictly adhere to a "NO MO" June. I've MO'd 6 times in 53 days to just physical sensation with or without fantasy. I truly want to master this part of myself. It troubles me that I have the emotional connection with this form of auto eroticism even when I have a willing spouse.

I had sex with my wife yesterday but succumbed to the chaser effect today and MO'd. I don't want this. I'm being honest in saying that since I started this no PMO reset I've struggled with the chaser effect following sex with my wife. It's always been within a day or two post coitus. So,  I'm starting "NO MO" June tomorrow. I am going to be diligent in controlling my thought life, even as it concerns fantasizing about my wife.

I am sure we will have sex since it's getting to be like the old days for us. I want to have intimacy with her while controlling my fantasy life. This will be a challenge. I'm obviously going to suspend my experimentation with ERP, but only FOR NOW. Right now my goal is "NO MO" for June. I'm not sure if this makes sense to some of you. I know what I want from myself as a sexual being. It's just hard to articulate.

Part of what fuels my fantasy life is that I've had quite a lot of sexual experiences with women. In high school it was a couple of girlfriends.  In the military it was Japanese, Korean, and Filipino chicks plus a few WM's (Women Marines ) In my 20's it was 3 different LTR's with very sexual women (one flight attendant). Then I met my wife in 1989.  Anyway, this is not bragging in any way. I wish my wife was the only one. Between my own experiences and porn, I feel as though I've constantly objectified women my whole life. I objectify my own wife.

So, that's where I'm at. I'm trying to settle my mind and live more peacefully, more lovingly. I want to be able to have a truer intimacy with my wife while not feeling like I'm controlled by my sexual instincts to act out alone. I hope this all makes sense.

I think the no MO for a time is a good plan. It's often difficult to separate the fantasy element. Part of the difficulty (for me anyways) was that when I was growing up I was told that masturbation or "self-sex" was healthy. Previous generations had been told that it was a sin or that it would make you blind. My generation was "enlightened" and we knew that masturbation was ok and, in fact, healthy and encouraged. 

The problem is that it isn't so simple. I remember saying things like, "if MO is OK, then porn is ok. Guys don't think about flowers and warm breezes when they are jerking off. It's a sexual act so obviously you are thinking about or looking at sexual imagery". It was this type of thinking that really led me objectify my wife. Whether it was mental images of her or actual photos. This is still an area that I struggle with. Is it ok to MO to a memory of what your wife looked like? In many ways this seems like artificial stimulation and very much like porn. Another part of me thinks there is nothing wrong with spicing up your sex life if both partners are on board. Ultimately for me the litmus test is whether there is secrecy or lying involved. If there is, this is clearly not something I want. 

It's more difficult to say I don't want something in my life simply because it is it selfish - there are aspects to sex that are mutual, but there are also "individual" aspects.  For example, if my wife performs a striptease in front of me while I MO, is that mutual or is it me indulging in fantasy?  If we engage in fantasy role play and she is clearly into it, is that part of a healthy sex life?

I'm probably rambling now. Anyways, I do think it's a good idea to remove the MO for a while (as I have) because of the easiness that unhealthy fantasy and objectification can be part of it.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: fyg on May 31, 2016, 05:28:59 PM
Sounds like a plan, Boo.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on June 01, 2016, 06:10:03 AM
My "NO MO" June challenge begins today. This will be more difficult than not PMO'ing because of what I've discussed previously. I will set a new counter for this. I think the first few days will be okay. It seems like at least once a week I have very strong urges to MO, usually as a chaser effect after sex with my wife.

If I have an encounter with her this weekend, which is likely, then Monday and Tuesday will be the toughest. The chaser effect is something I must revisit in the available knowledge base to learn more about dealing with it. I don't think there is a magic bullet other than to let the urges come and go, as Leon always advises. THE URGE WILL COME.

I choose to experience it, but not to be oppressed by it.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: gummianka on June 01, 2016, 06:35:27 AM
So up until now, your reset has been including regular sex and M without porn?

But no P watching at all. Is that correct?
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on June 01, 2016, 07:45:08 AM
So up until now, your reset has been including regular sex and M without porn?

But no P watching at all. Is that correct?

Partly correct. I have viewed porn/porn subs by following Leon's ERP protocol as explained on pages 11-12 in his journal.  I did this for 5 days. That stopped about a week ago. I will revisit ERP after June. I believe I was handling the mental work of ERP partly correct. It's risky and not for everyone. This has been discussed by me already in several posts. You must have missed those since some of them were in other journals.

I would not use my reset as a model. As I've said before, this path is different for everyone. I've advised  against ERP in more than one post because I believe it could lead to a full blown relapse for some. Hope this clears up some confusion you may have about how I'm working through my own reset. Currently, for June, there will be NO porn(No ERP), no masturbation and a heightened awareness of trigger avoidance ( although I personally think we have very little power in avoiding them since they're everywhere)
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: malando on June 01, 2016, 07:51:34 AM
I'm thinking about doing your June no MO challenge, Boo. It would be the only month ever since I was 11 years old where I could say that. It boggles the mind to realise that's true.

Edit: Ok done. This is going to be much tougher than the no PMO challenge, but I want to see if I can do it.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on June 01, 2016, 08:02:08 AM
I'm thinking about doing your June no MO challenge, Boo. It would be the only month ever since I was 11 years old where I could say that. It boggles the mind to realise that's true.

Same here. It's hard to believe that it has been so ingrained in our "lifestyle". I was an insecure adolescent and latched on to MO as a security blanket to dull pain and anxiety. It stuck, even though I've had a lot of experiences with women. There's just something very private and soothing about auto eroticism. It makes it a difficult practice to give up.

I'm not sure if we can ever give it up, completely. I wish I could just rub one out periodically without feeling like I'm altering my sexuality in a damaging way. MO became a practice for me before I discovered porn. Porn just made the practice escalate. It throws the idea of "all things in moderation" out the window.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: gummianka on June 01, 2016, 08:02:30 AM
OK, thanks.

yeah, The main benefit with this site is to see all the various paths used here. It is easy to get the idea that it is a hard mode complete monk style reboot of 100+ days that is the only cure, and that the successful rebooters are some kind of Borg like robots that can simply switch off their minds until they suddenly become "healthy".

You seem to have your situation under control, and I am not copying your strategy, but I am learning from it :)

Good luck with June, Boo, I ma sure it will be your best month yet in this reboot journey. :)
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Leon on June 01, 2016, 08:06:12 AM
Great challenge, Boo. I'm with you, and believe we can do this.

My own relation to M has changed over the years, it's almost non-existent except for the occasional struggle with edging (which could easily lead to a struggle with porn). But it used to be a major problem for me, MO'd about 3 times a week...

Viewing it all as a single unit p, m/o, has helped me generally.

Standing with you in your June challenge.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on June 02, 2016, 07:28:14 AM
Great challenge, Boo. I'm with you, and believe we can do this.

My own relation to M has changed over the years, it's almost non-existent except for the occasional struggle with edging (which could easily lead to a struggle with porn). But it used to be a major problem for me, MO'd about 3 times a week...

Viewing it all as a single unit p, m/o, has helped me generally.

Standing with you in your June challenge.

Great to hear Leon. It would be a big breakthrough for me to go "M-free" for a month. I honestly can't recall doing that since Marine Corps boot camp, many, many years ago.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Chip on June 02, 2016, 07:52:12 AM
I'm going to try to strictly adhere to a "NO MO" June. I've MO'd 6 times in 53 days to just physical sensation with or without fantasy. I truly want to master this part of myself. It troubles me that I have the emotional connection with this form of auto eroticism even when I have a willing spouse.

I had sex with my wife yesterday but succumbed to the chaser effect today and MO'd. I don't want this. I'm being honest in saying that since I started this no PMO reset I've struggled with the chaser effect following sex with my wife. It's always been within a day or two post coitus. So,  I'm starting "NO MO" June tomorrow. I am going to be diligent in controlling my thought life, even as it concerns fantasizing about my wife.

I am sure we will have sex since it's getting to be like the old days for us. I want to have intimacy with her while controlling my fantasy life. This will be a challenge. I'm obviously going to suspend my experimentation with ERP, but only FOR NOW. Right now my goal is "NO MO" for June. I'm not sure if this makes sense to some of you. I know what I want from myself as a sexual being. It's just hard to articulate.

Part of what fuels my fantasy life is that I've had quite a lot of sexual experiences with women. In high school it was a couple of girlfriends.  In the military it was Japanese, Korean, and Filipino chicks plus a few WM's (Women Marines ) In my 20's it was 3 different LTR's with very sexual women (one flight attendant). Then I met my wife in 1989.  Anyway, this is not bragging in any way. I wish my wife was the only one. Between my own experiences and porn, I feel as though I've constantly objectified women my whole life. I objectify my own wife.

So, that's where I'm at. I'm trying to settle my mind and live more peacefully, more lovingly. I want to be able to have a truer intimacy with my wife while not feeling like I'm controlled by my sexual instincts to act out alone. I hope this all makes sense.
I hear what your saying.  We all got here by different roads, but we all, I hope, have the same end goal.  From my own experience in the Fantasy world, its best to leave it completely alone thru the reset period at least.  I don't think having, "fun" thoughts about an SO are wrong, but maybe during this period of change they may not be helpful...  Does that make sense? 

With much respect,

Chip
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on June 02, 2016, 08:04:36 AM
I hear what your saying.  We all got here by different roads, but we all, I hope, have the same end goal.  From my own experience in the Fantasy world, its best to leave it completely alone thru the reset period at least.  I don't think having, "fun" thoughts about an SO are wrong, but maybe during this period of change they may not be helpful...  Does that make sense? 

With much respect,

Chip

It does make sense. Fantasy is a big problem for me. I certainly want to desire my wife, but with an intention of loving her. I don't want to objectify her like a piece of meat. I want to quit objectifying and fantasizing about all women I see. This is sooooo hard. it goes back to what scripture says about "capturing every thought..."
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on June 02, 2016, 05:35:43 PM
I've felt really depressed today. This is something that I've battled with over the years. It's periodic but can sometimes last for days. I haven't been sleeping enough this week. I get up at 4:30 a.m. no matter when I go to bed. It's habit.

Anyway, life is what it is these days for me. Sometimes I feel adrift in indecision on how to make changes in my business that really need attention. I suffer from paralysis by analysis and it really is stressful at times. I need to start taking action on newly formulated goals and reinvigorate my sense of purpose.

I plan on REALLY being more diligent with my personal development going forward. I know this will reinforce my rebooting efforts. My future posts may start reflecting more of a "personal development" message as opposed to a "battling porn" message. I just refuse to get bogged down in long term struggles with this. I'm going to successfully complete my NO MO June and will be very close to 90 days PMO-free by then.

At that point I may revisit ERP therapy to strengthen my ability to "surf urges". I'll figure it out when the time comes.

I learned something today about addictions. We're addicted because we can't handle the emptiness of existence. I understand this from an existential standpoint. It resonates.This idea was expounded upon by Leo Gura of Actualized.org (a great youtube channel and website, btw) Here is the video. It's about 35 min., but well worth the time.

http://actualized.org/articles/overcoming-addiction

I just realized that I've surpassed my previously longest streak of 53 days by 2. I guess that helps lift the depression a bit.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: malando on June 02, 2016, 05:53:36 PM
Cool man, 55 days is a big effort! I hope I can make it to that stage. Respect.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: PF58 on June 02, 2016, 06:22:04 PM
Good on you Boo for sticking with it! I'm also in my mid-50s but single. I see you have a new goal. We're about the same amount of time in. I REALLY want to do it differently this time. All the best!
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: fyg on June 02, 2016, 06:26:44 PM
Congrats on the 55 days, Boo! Glad your days have help lift the depression, some. I'm joining you guys on No MO June! Let's do this!

Cheers  ;D
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Feetfirst on June 03, 2016, 12:57:24 AM
Hey Boo! Congratulations. 55 days is a great achievement. Sorry to hear you are suffering from the dark mind a bit at the moment. I identify very much with what you are saying. At times like these let go of the future and come into the day. If you can do 55 days you can do 56. Day at a time. Moment by moment. We are blessed.
Have a good day and thank you for all your support.

FF
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Leon on June 03, 2016, 08:08:31 AM
Hey, Boo- congrats on the 55. Well done.

If we think of depression in a spiritual sense, it'd be the "spirit of heaviness"- and how to combat that is through worship and praise. And just know that these dark clouds will pass as they always do, revealing the clear blue sky that's always there.

Peace.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Chip on June 03, 2016, 08:40:57 AM
Hey, Boo- congrats on the 55. Well done.

If we think of depression in a spiritual sense, it'd be the "spirit of heaviness"- and how to combat that is through worship and praise. And just know that these dark clouds will pass as they always do, revealing the clear blue sky that's always there.

Peace.
What he said.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on June 04, 2016, 01:28:37 PM
Malando
fyg
Feetfirst
PF56
Leon
Chip

Thanks for your supportive comments. I still feel I have a long way to go and the NOMO June challenge will be tough. I hope we can all continue to be supportive of each other as time allows.

There's lots of different strategies supported by different belief systems here at RN. All should be respected. The end goal is that we all want to stop using PMO as a way to add fulfillment to our lives. I think by now we mostly agree that all it really does is  take away. We were just long suffering in making the necessary commitment. This is hard stuff. Let us all prevail, in our own way. All respect to you guys who are "in it to win it".
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Chip on June 04, 2016, 01:30:34 PM
There's lots of different strategies supported by different belief systems here at RN. All should be respected. The end goal is that we all want to stop using PMO as a way to add fulfillment to our lives. I think by now we mostly agree that all it really does is  take away. We were just long suffering in making the necessary commitment. This is hard stuff. Let us all prevail, in our own way. All respect to you guys who are "in it to win it".
Very well put.  See you in the trenches.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: fyg on June 04, 2016, 02:34:48 PM

Thanks for your supportive comments. I still feel I have a long way to go and the NOMO June challenge will be tough. I hope we can all continue to be supportive of each other as time allows.

There's lots of different strategies supported by different belief systems here at RN. All should be respected. The end goal is that we all want to stop using PMO as a way to add fulfillment to our lives. I think by now we mostly agree that all it really does is  take away. We were just long suffering in making the necessary commitment. This is hard stuff. Let us all prevail, in our own way. All respect to you guys who are "in it to win it".

Hear, hear, to all of that, buddy! The NoMO June Challenge will be tough. I think there is a lot to be said to the process of commitment too. And! We can do it! I'll post asap (hopefully in a couple/few hours) on my thoughts of NO MO.

Peeeeace
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Feetfirst on June 06, 2016, 01:00:40 AM
Day at a time Boo we do prevail. The less I do it the less I want to do it. Mind will clear and I realize with clarity on a deep level. I do not want this. Yes it does only take away.
So wishing you a joyful day Boo filled with all the good stuff that makes p and m not an option!
FF
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on June 07, 2016, 10:35:37 AM
fyg-----Yes, the NOMO June is tough but I think it can be motivating, just like any other goal. I'm feeling more confident about it lately.

Feetfirst------The cable that holds us to this thing must be unwound one strand of wire at a time, daily, consistently.

I'm approaching 60 days in a couple of hours. I've got challenges/problems in general life just as many others here. Life is what it is. It's going to have challenges and an "ebb and flow" quality to it whether we try to comfort ourselves with PMO or not. Life is actually much easier than it was 100 or 200 yrs ago, when there wasn't much pornography around. How did people cope then?

I think porn has only made us much weaker men than our ancestors and for that I'm greatly ashamed. Well, the shame, at least for me, is slowly but surely eroding day by day. I'm starting to look in the mirror and be less ashamed of who's looking back at me. I've forgiven myself and now I am experiencing a greater level of integrity when I'm alone. I may still have a lapse or two in my future,. But a relapse? NO.  I see the value of the gains
made. My previous best was 53 days. That's in the rear view mirror now.

I read way more than I post here at RN. I'll probably be posting a bit less because I don't want to keep repeating myself or just throwing out trite remarks.  People either want to get serious or they don't. I'm hoping the ones who are really struggling do get serious.   
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Chip on June 07, 2016, 10:58:25 AM
fyg-----Yes, the NOMO June is tough but I think it can be motivating, just like any other goal. I'm feeling more confident about it lately.

Feetfirst------The cable that holds us to this thing must be unwound one strand of wire at a time, daily, consistently.

I'm approaching 60 days in a couple of hours. I've got challenges/problems in general life just as many others here. Life is what it is. It's going to have challenges and an "ebb and flow" quality to it whether we try to comfort ourselves with PMO or not. Life is actually much easier than it was 100 or 200 yrs ago, when there wasn't much pornography around. How did people cope then?

I think porn has only made us much weaker men than our ancestors and for that I'm greatly ashamed. Well, the shame, at least for me, is slowly but surely eroding day by day. I'm starting to look in the mirror and be less ashamed of who's looking back at me. I've forgiven myself and now I am experiencing a greater level of integrity when I'm alone. I may still have a lapse or two in my future,. But a relapse? NO.  I see the value of the gains
made. My previous best was 53 days. That's in the rear view mirror now.

I read way more than I post here at RN. I'll probably be posting a bit less because I don't want to keep repeating myself or just throwing out trite remarks.  People either want to get serious or they don't. I'm hoping the ones who are really struggling do get serious.
I'm nominating this for post of the year.  To the point and "Dead Nuts" accurate. 

Bravo, Boo.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: RecoveryJunkie on June 07, 2016, 12:25:27 PM
Congratulations on the milestone Boo. I appreciate your posts on RNand hope you don't forget about RN. I feel like you do in many respects. Self esteem is up, resolve to be P free forever never stronger. But, we are apt to congratulate ourselves to quickly sometimes and that can a eek up on us. I hope to continue reading your posts as we continue to fight this addiction and continue to grow from our recovery.

Once again... Woohoo! 60 DAYS !!!
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: fyg on June 07, 2016, 03:21:10 PM
I totally agree the goal [of NoMO June] can be and is motivating. I'm feeling more confident about it too, brother :)

Congratulations on 60 days, Boo. Brilliant!
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Leon on June 07, 2016, 08:08:28 PM
I'm approaching 60 days in a couple of hours. I've got challenges/problems in general life just as many others here. Life is what it is. It's going to have challenges and an "ebb and flow" quality to it whether we try to comfort ourselves with PMO or not. Life is actually much easier than it was 100 or 200 yrs ago, when there wasn't much pornography around. How did people cope then?

I think porn has only made us much weaker men than our ancestors and for that I'm greatly ashamed. Well, the shame, at least for me, is slowly but surely eroding day by day. I'm starting to look in the mirror and be less ashamed of who's looking back at me. I've forgiven myself and now I am experiencing a greater level of integrity when I'm alone. I may still have a lapse or two in my future,. But a relapse? NO.  I see the value of the gains
made. My previous best was 53 days. That's in the rear view mirror now.

I read way more than I post here at RN. I'll probably be posting a bit less because I don't want to keep repeating myself or just throwing out trite remarks.  People either want to get serious or they don't. I'm hoping the ones who are really struggling do get serious.

Congratulations, Boo, on reaching 60 Days! That's fantastic! Not only so, but you're about 1/4 through your NO MO June challenge.

An important thing you said here is that life still goes on, porn or no-porn. The ebb and flow of life, including it's challenges, goes on. Many think that quitting their addiction is a magic pill to resolve all of life's problems, all of one's personal problems. In fact, initially, the opposite is often true. We're taking away our security blanket (pornography/fantasy), and our thumb-sucking (masturbation)- think of the opposite as Linus from Peanuts! But when we do so, we begin to feel life, we begin to come in contact with our emotions, often for the first time- and that can be very scary and challenging. Many run back to the security blanket or the thumb sucking. Yet when we learn that we can experience life, with all it has to offer (the good, the bad and the ugly), without resorting to bad habits, we begin to grow and mature as men, as human beings. In fact, we begin to discover that the mind itself naturally quiets down from the tumultuous waves and the stormy clouds, to a nice placid calm.   Heck, discovering this now, helps in our recovery.

What we've been in discussion about lately, Boo, is a kind of training for seeing thoughts, urges, triggers, anxieties and stresses as temporary, and that all these agitations (that used to drive us to PMO) all quiet down of themselves, without us trying to either directly engage them in struggle, or without us trying to ignore them either. We simply and non-judgmentally observe them until they, like the clouds, pass by.

How did people cope then, 100 years ago? Booze, drugs, and other self-pleasuring activities. Despite our technological age, not much has changed in human nature- in terms of people running to the quick fix, rather than learning that these unpleasantries pass of themselves, as the mind settles into it's natural state of equanimity.

Other healthy things that you say follow, that you've forgiven yourself (a big one!), your increased sense of integrity when you're alone (this was big for me, too), and that you acknowledge that this is a process, which almost invariably includes lapses. Seeing those correctly, as you know, goes a long way toward our recovering or healing from this insidious addiction.

Like yourself, 56 days was my furthest amount before RN, but included many times of edging and white-knuckling. How it feels to surpass our own personal best is inexpressible for what it means to our personal recovery.

Blessings, man- you're an inspiration.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on June 07, 2016, 09:40:09 PM
Chip ---Thanks for the upvote. You're the man! Stay strong Bro.   ;D

Recovery Junkie---   I appreciate your words. Thanks for checking in.

FYG------Stay confident Bro. You can do this!

Leon-----What can I say...When the student's ready, the teacher will appear......Thanks for the encouraging support and a thoughtful post that brings even more depth and clarity to my short missive. I'm learning to surf the urges better with every passing day. Your right....they come, BUT, they go of their own accord. The key is to have the patience to wait it out and move on to some productive pursuit.

Life is all that, good,bad,and ugly. I've experienced it all. It is a wonderful thing to realize that we truly can bring ourselves to a place of peace merely by being patient. I'm realizing more each day how impatience is really just immaturity. Getting locked into a lifestyle of porn addiction is really just being immature and not growing up to the realities of life. It's just pure escapism.....like daydreaming in school when we should be paying attention. When our dirty deed is done, life still presents itself, warts and all. BUT, if we start paying attention, we can see past the warts and find goodness....and hope.

Blessings to all you guys!
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: malando on June 07, 2016, 09:47:18 PM

Life is all that, good,bad,and ugly. I've experienced it all. It is a wonderful thing to realize that we truly can bring ourselves to a place of peace merely by being patient. I'm realizing more each day how impatience is really just immaturity. Getting locked into a lifestyle of porn addiction is really just being immature and not growing up to the realities of life. It's just pure escapism.....like daydreaming in school when we should be paying attention. When our dirty deed is done, life still presents itself, warts and all. BUT, if we start paying attention, we can see past the warts and find goodness....and hope.


Very true, Boo. I was getting impatient to know if I had conquered my P problem last night. I had a 3 second peek at an image and got a very rude shock. The reaction was overwhelming and frightening. I shut it down as soon as I could. I should have known better - it takes time. I thought maybe I had neutralised my desire or reaction to P just because I've done so much thinking about it and haven't felt tempted to watch it for 4 weeks. It was pure impatience to call myself "cured". I'm not cured, I'll probably always be susceptible to P. What I've done is make a promising start to kicking the habit. That's all.

Congrats on your progress, btw. :)
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on June 08, 2016, 07:01:23 AM
Thanks Malando. Yes, the power of porn can remain strong in it's effect on dopamine (DeltaFosB).

As I've stated, the only viewing one may want to attempt is in conjunction with a strict ERP protocol. I did 5 sessions a while back. You have to really know and understand how to do it, and it can still catch you a bit off guard, but not to the point of acting out. That's the key: exposure without acting out. It's "urge surf" training. Not for anyone who is still vulnerable.

Anyway, it's good for you that you understand where you're still vulnerable. The learning never stops on this path.
Be well. And no peeking!  ;)
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Chip on June 08, 2016, 09:05:13 AM
Congrats on Turning 60!  ;D  Old Man.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on June 08, 2016, 09:20:54 AM
Congrats on Turning 60!  ;D  Old Man.

Haha. Thanks. I'll actually be there in a little over 4 yrs. I'm told often that I could easily pass for 40, so I guess it's all good. I used to hate getting older, but what's the point ? It's going to happen anyway.  :D
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: fyg on June 08, 2016, 09:25:46 AM
Chip ---Thanks for the upvote. You're the man! Stay strong Bro.   ;D

Recovery Junkie---   I appreciate your words. Thanks for checking in.

FYG------Stay confident Bro. You can do this!

Leon-----What can I say...When the student's ready, the teacher will appear......Thanks for the encouraging support and a thoughtful post that brings even more depth and clarity to my short missive. I'm learning to surf the urges better with every passing day. Your right....they come, BUT, they go of their own accord. The key is to have the patience to wait it out and move on to some productive pursuit.

Life is all that, good,bad,and ugly. I've experienced it all. It is a wonderful thing to realize that we truly can bring ourselves to a place of peace merely by being patient. I'm realizing more each day how impatience is really just immaturity. Getting locked into a lifestyle of porn addiction is really just being immature and not growing up to the realities of life. It's just pure escapism.....like daydreaming in school when we should be paying attention. When our dirty deed is done, life still presents itself, warts and all. BUT, if we start paying attention, we can see past the warts and find goodness....and hope.

Blessings to all you guys!

Well said on escapism and immaturity. I agree. And thanks man! Had a wobble today, that needs to be addressed, but nonetheless. Still thanks!
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Branch on June 08, 2016, 03:02:50 PM
61 days, Boo. 

Bravo!
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: malando on June 08, 2016, 03:06:50 PM
61 days, Boo. 

Bravo!

Yep, seems a long way off for me now...

Congrats, Boo. You're kickin' its ass!
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: fyg on June 08, 2016, 05:06:52 PM
"I came here to chew bubble gum, and kick ass... an' I'm ALL outta bubblegum!" Rowdy Roddy Piper - They Live!
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Leon on June 10, 2016, 10:00:14 AM
Leon-----What can I say...When the student's ready, the teacher will appear......Thanks for the encouraging support and a thoughtful post that brings even more depth and clarity to my short missive. I'm learning to surf the urges better with every passing day. Your right....they come, BUT, they go of their own accord. The key is to have the patience to wait it out and move on to some productive pursuit.

Life is all that, good,bad,and ugly. I've experienced it all. It is a wonderful thing to realize that we truly can bring ourselves to a place of peace merely by being patient. I'm realizing more each day how impatience is really just immaturity. Getting locked into a lifestyle of porn addiction is really just being immature and not growing up to the realities of life. It's just pure escapism.....like daydreaming in school when we should be paying attention. When our dirty deed is done, life still presents itself, warts and all. BUT, if we start paying attention, we can see past the warts and find goodness....and hope.

Blessings to all you guys!

Thank you, Boo.

Indeed. It was interesting, yesterday had some former thoughts arise along with certain curious behaviors (nothing near P, M or O)- and I refused to really engage them. I refused to make too much of them. I told myself that all these are just thoughts that don't mean anything (unless we infuse them with meaning). I told myself that all these things will again dissipate, and all will return to a state of normalcy, a state of equanimity. They weren't really urges, perse, but were a negative train of thought that have typically led to urges and acting out in the past. It's so true, but as I was watching a certain show, my cat jumped into my lap and was loving me unconditionally, unaware of the negative thoughts that were in my mind. And there it was- it came as an insight that, all was well with the universe, I was underneath the temporary cloudiness, okay and healthy. In the past, I would have continued to judge whatever thoughts or actions that had been present, and on it goes until the final deed. But, No, this is what we must do- wait out the urges (or negative thoughts, or cloudy emotions)- knowing that beneath all that neurological junk, is a state of peace, love and acceptance. God looks through all that, and simply loves us, and sees us as perfect in Christ.

Exactly, Boo. Whether we cease PMO, or we engage in escapist behaviors- life is life, it goes on with all that it has to offer. Understanding this is so important. Not only so, but that there's an underlying state of peace, joy, love and acceptance. He really did accomplish something 2000 years ago, and it remains for any to discover it- but we've so craftily condemned ourselves, flawed ourselves, diagnosed ourselves as hopelessly (and helplessly) diseased and addicted. One thus makes it very difficult to notice the underlying blueness and clarity of the sky, settling rather for the darkness of the passing clouds.

Screw that! We are not an addiction.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on June 10, 2016, 10:59:10 AM
Thanks Leon. Yes, there is freedom in grace and the message of the cross has taken me some considerable time to come full circle to. My pastor doesn't believe in self help at all. He's all about total reliance on prayer. I, on the other hand, feel that God empowers me to help myself and that may include some otherwise worldly type of methodologies and a type of self-empowered thinking behind it all. In other words, I believe in my ability to help myself.

At the end of it all, I want to honor God as I honor myself by living in accord with some clearly defined values of what I hold to be right and true, at least for me. I'm not about moral relativism, I believe there are standards that believers need to uphold. Living in such an increasingly secular world does pose challenges to our mindset. I used to be very secular myself. It's not as enlightening as one would think. That said, there's value in everyone and I believe in something I heard a long time ago, which is "love means look for good". (courtesy of Dr. Denis Waitley)
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: fyg on June 10, 2016, 04:27:39 PM
Screw that! We are not an addiction.

Yes, Gents!

Sounds like the cat waited out the urges with you too, Leon  :D


Peace
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Chip on June 14, 2016, 02:56:50 PM
How goes it?
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on June 14, 2016, 04:11:37 PM
How goes it?

Doing well Chip. I had an extremely heavy urge today to act out. I'm not sure why except to say that I started letting my imagination run wild for a few minutes. My own thoughts were a strong trigger but I just gathered myself mentally and the urge died out on it's own. I got busy with a task and am fine now. That was the strongest urge I've had in about 3 weeks.

I know the urges can come unexpectedly and that's why they really don't alarm me. Even having a lapse is not something I fear any more like I use to. My whole approach to kicking this is much more stable now than in the past. I know what works, at least for me. NOMO June has been a bit of a challenge but I'm almost halfway there. Looking forward to hitting 70 days of no PMO this weekend. Be well Bro.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: fyg on June 14, 2016, 04:30:06 PM
How goes it?

Doing well Chip. I had an extremely heavy urge today to act out. I'm not sure why except to say that I started letting my imagination run wild for a few minutes. My own thoughts were a strong trigger but I just gathered myself mentally and the urge died out on it's own. I got busy with a task and am fine now. That was the strongest urge I've had in about 3 weeks.

I know the urges can come unexpectedly and that's why they really don't alarm me. Even having a lapse is not something I fear any more like I use to. My whole approach to kicking this is much more stable now than in the past. I know what works, at least for me. NOMO June has been a bit of a challenge but I'm almost halfway there. Looking forward to hitting 70 days of no PMO this weekend. Be well Bro.

I had a similar experience today Boo. My imagination ran wild too, just for a few minutes... And YES! on NOMO June... You're doing great man. Hope you don't mind me saying that... 70 days sounds like a solid number too; as does 67.

Let's keep going Bro. Respect!
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: fyg on June 14, 2016, 04:33:15 PM
As ever, goldfish brain. Thanks for your supportive words today dude. Twas a real boost. Cheers!!
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Branch on June 14, 2016, 05:00:09 PM
Way to hang in there, Boo!  Keep it going!
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on June 14, 2016, 05:01:06 PM
As ever, goldfish brain. Thanks for your supportive words today dude. Twas a real boost. Cheers!!

Cheers to you man!!! 30 days is looking awesome to me. Put this 30 in your rear view mirror. Onward you go, Bro!
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on June 14, 2016, 05:03:41 PM
Way to hang in there, Boo!  Keep it going!

Thanks Branch, You're going to get there. We're all going to celebrate on the other side of this thing.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: fyg on June 14, 2016, 05:38:56 PM
As ever, goldfish brain. Thanks for your supportive words today dude. Twas a real boost. Cheers!!

Cheers to you man!!! 30 days is looking awesome to me. Put this 30 in your rear view mirror. Onward you go, Bro!

Yee Haa!
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Branch on June 14, 2016, 06:27:24 PM
Way to hang in there, Boo!  Keep it going!

Thanks Branch, You're going to get there. We're all going to celebrate on the other side of this thing.

And thank you, Boo, for the support. 

Yes, we will celebrate.  I wonder what a virtual party looks like? 
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on June 16, 2016, 08:02:40 AM
Brothers in the battle,

Going forward I am going to start scaling back a bit with my presence here at RN. I will likely limit it to weekends only, so please don't get impatient if a post or message directed to me doesn't get an immediate response. This is going to be a trial run at functioning effectively while feeling less "dependent" on surfing RN so frequently. I don't want RN to devolve into a co-dependency issue for me.

I've got quite a bit of challenges ahead to get my business life back on track. The stress of this alone would ordinarily compel me to act out with PMO. This will be a test of where I'm at currently on this journey to wellness. I will be keeping tabs here because I'm interested and supportive of the progress I'm seeing with some of you guys. Small victories lead to larger victories. As long as you don't quit "quitting", your heading in the right direction. Peace.

   
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: gummianka on June 16, 2016, 08:04:38 AM
Good luck Boo!
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Chip on June 16, 2016, 08:16:59 AM
Brothers in the battle,

Going forward I am going to start scaling back a bit with my presence here at RN. I will likely limit it to weekends only, so please don't get impatient if a post or message directed to me doesn't get an immediate response. This is going to be a trial run at functioning effectively while feeling less "dependent" on surfing RN so frequently. I don't want RN to devolve into a co-dependency issue for me.

I've got quite a bit of challenges ahead to get my business life back on track. The stress of this alone would ordinarily compel me to act out with PMO. This will be a test of where I'm at currently on this journey to wellness. I will be keeping tabs here because I'm interested and supportive of the progress I'm seeing with some of you guys. Small victories lead to larger victories. As long as you don't quit "quitting", your heading in the right direction. Peace.

 
Cool.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: fyg on June 16, 2016, 08:18:28 AM
Good luck, Boo!
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Branch on June 17, 2016, 02:26:34 PM
Brothers in the battle,

Going forward I am going to start scaling back a bit with my presence here at RN. I will likely limit it to weekends only, so please don't get impatient if a post or message directed to me doesn't get an immediate response. This is going to be a trial run at functioning effectively while feeling less "dependent" on surfing RN so frequently. I don't want RN to devolve into a co-dependency issue for me.

I've got quite a bit of challenges ahead to get my business life back on track. The stress of this alone would ordinarily compel me to act out with PMO. This will be a test of where I'm at currently on this journey to wellness. I will be keeping tabs here because I'm interested and supportive of the progress I'm seeing with some of you guys. Small victories lead to larger victories. As long as you don't quit "quitting", your heading in the right direction. Peace.

 

I understand, Boo.  This is time-consuming and you put a lot into it.

You've already given me so much strong support, so much truth distilled, I'd be ungrateful to ask for more. Your help to me has been invaluable.

Best of luck with everything, Boo. 
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: fyg on June 18, 2016, 09:28:42 AM
A very quiet and in small letters congrats to 70 days! Soon 71!

Peeeeeace
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on June 18, 2016, 10:22:01 AM
I appreciate you guys stopping by the last few days. Things are going well. Still feel a strong urge once in a while but mostly it's just the addictive voice trying to make some noise in my head. Reminds me of my cat always bugging me for treats. I guess my AV is about as spoiled as my cat is. Sorry AV, NO TREATS FOR YOU. As for the cat, I usually give in.  ;D
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on June 22, 2016, 03:36:52 PM
I thought I'd put up a mid week post. I hit 75 days PMO free today and feel pretty good about my NOMO June challenge as well.

It can be done men!  A key to me is getting out of your own head and not elevating PMO to be something bigger than it is. I won't be verbose by stating the obvious reasons to quit. I think they've been stated ad nauseam.

For you serial rebooters, you're caught in a vicious cycle of recoveryism. Are you serious about this?

For those showing progress (30 day streaks or longer), Congrats. You're on your way. Put together increasingly longer streaks and you'll get there. Don't quit on yourself.

For those closer to 90 days (or beyond for some), like myself, you don't need to convince me anymore. I now know how good it feels and it's getting better everyday.

I still have urges, but they are really losing their power. I guess I'm the one gaining power over this, finally.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Branch on June 22, 2016, 03:57:36 PM
Great progress, Boo, and great comments.  Congrats on 75 days!
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on June 22, 2016, 04:37:33 PM
Great progress, Boo, and great comments.  Congrats on 75 days!

Thanks Branch.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Chip on June 23, 2016, 06:35:43 AM
Happy 75th!
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on June 23, 2016, 02:56:48 PM
Happy 75th!

Thanks Chip.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: fyg on June 23, 2016, 03:43:07 PM
Looking good, Bro ;)
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on June 23, 2016, 08:38:57 PM
Looking good, Bro ;)

Thanks fyg. Slow and steady wins the race.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Chip on June 23, 2016, 10:31:36 PM

Slow and steady wins the race.
My favorite motto.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on June 24, 2016, 06:19:41 AM
When all is said and done, a lot more is said than done.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: carlson on June 26, 2016, 01:10:04 PM
Boo,

You are about to cross into the 80's - congratulations.  You have been such an intelligent, encouraging presence in all the threads you participate in.  Thank you for being so thoughtful and helpful.  You have demonstrated clearly how service to others - even in a highly artificial environment such as these forums is ultimately service to self.  We are all the same here - all frustrated with something that has destroyed so much of our lives - all determined to become better people.  We aren't yet.  But by holding each other hands, by giving each other the occasional nod of encouragement, by gently questioning our own and each other's delusions, we are all slogging out of this together.

Together - even in this virtual space - we are much stronger than we are alone.  Together, we will all get past 80, then 90, then thousands of days.  Together we will become much better, much happier people.

And someday - all people will understand what this addiction is - and how destructive it is for the world  Someday, the world will view porn the same way it views narcotics - a disgusting, dangerous, even criminal enterprise that destroys lives and makes this world a darker place for everyone.  That will happen when more and more of us reach out to each other, strengthen each other, and become who we should be.

Thank you, Boo, for being a leader from the beginning of your journey.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Branch on June 26, 2016, 03:11:34 PM
I thought I'd put up a mid week post. I hit 75 days PMO free today and feel pretty good about my NOMO June challenge as well.

It can be done men!  A key to me is getting out of your own head and not elevating PMO to be something bigger than it is. I won't be verbose by stating the obvious reasons to quit. I think they've been stated ad nauseam.

For you serial rebooters, you're caught in a vicious cycle of recoveryism. Are you serious about this?

For those showing progress (30 day streaks or longer), Congrats. You're on your way. Put together increasingly longer streaks and you'll get there. Don't quit on yourself.

For those closer to 90 days (or beyond for some), like myself, you don't need to convince me anymore. I now know how good it feels and it's getting better everyday.

I still have urges, but they are really losing their power. I guess I'm the one gaining power over this, finally.

Thanks for the reminders, Boo.  Your strength feeds mine.

You're doing great--keep it going!
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Leon on June 26, 2016, 03:49:59 PM
Boo,

You are about to cross into the 80's - congratulations.  You have been such an intelligent, encouraging presence in all the threads you participate in.  Thank you for being so thoughtful and helpful.  You have demonstrated clearly how service to others - even in a highly artificial environment such as these forums is ultimately service to self.  We are all the same here - all frustrated with something that has destroyed so much of our lives - all determined to become better people.  We aren't yet.  But by holding each other hands, by giving each other the occasional nod of encouragement, by gently questioning our own and each other's delusions, we are all slogging out of this together.

Together - even in this virtual space - we are much stronger than we are alone.  Together, we will all get past 80, then 90, then thousands of days.  Together we will become much better, much happier people.

And someday - all people will understand what this addiction is - and how destructive it is for the world  Someday, the world will view porn the same way it views narcotics - a disgusting, dangerous, even criminal enterprise that destroys lives and makes this world a darker place for everyone.  That will happen when more and more of us reach out to each other, strengthen each other, and become who we should be.

Thank you, Boo, for being a leader from the beginning of your journey.

Well said, Carlson- I couldn't agree more.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on June 27, 2016, 11:29:34 AM
carlson, Branch, Leon

I appreciate your comments.

 I'm going to be leaving RN when I hit the 90 day mark. I'd like to leave my journal on a high note with at least a few quality posts.(quality being subjective, of course  ;))

My plan was always to just be here for a season. There comes a time when one has to move on. There are two things in life that I do not do : social media or journaling. Coming here to RN and creating a journal as well as attempting to make public comments here without sounding vacuous has taken some effort on my part because it goes against my normal personality. So, it's time to get on with other things

My honest opinion is that I believe there are some here who will end this year being mostly if not completely done with the PMO lifestyle. OTOH, there will be others who will continue to struggle. RN will never shut down for lack of business.

In the quietness of my mind, I've realized that my recovery is 100% my own responsibility. I am going to maintain an accountability partner relationship with someone going forward.  As far as I'm concerned , the hard challenges are over. My heart is changed. I've got my self respect back.

My journal will fade to the back of the pack, as it should, to make room for new journals with new insights. I think the real leadership here resides with those in the 30-90 day range of being PMO free. Why? Because that's the greatest period of challenge, IMO. If you're getting through that period you probably have something to say worth hearing. You're in the middle of it all and winning. People should pay attention if you care to share.

I hope I can finish this thing with some remarks that at least some of you will find helpful. In the end, it's up to each person to motivate themselves to reach whatever their goal is.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: gummianka on June 27, 2016, 11:52:45 AM
I have enjoyed reading your journal, Boo. Perhaps I could ask a few questions before you disappear :)

This place has a tendency to become about quite spiritual and mental things. I read and post about fighting urges, altering mindset and things like that. however, i would like to be very practical now. So, how did you do this, days wise?

I am talking PMO, MO, o with wife etc? How was the timelinewith absitnance )and from what?) and rewiring, and how?
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: gummianka on June 27, 2016, 11:54:04 AM
Oh, and a very good move to leave when your mission is accomplished. I salute that, hanging around a place you're already done with is usually not a good idea.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on June 27, 2016, 01:41:10 PM
I have enjoyed reading your journal, Boo. Perhaps I could ask a few questions before you disappear :)

This place has a tendency to become about quite spiritual and mental things. I read and post about fighting urges, altering mindset and things like that. however, i would like to be very practical now. So, how did you do this, days wise?

I am talking PMO, MO, o with wife etc? How was the timelinewith absitnance )and from what?) and rewiring, and how?

Well, as I've said from the beginning, it started for me with having a strong "Why". My reason for quitting finally was strong enough. I was fed up with living in cognitive dissonance because my behaviors were not in line with my values. Sometimes it's appropriate to say "enough is enough" and then commit to acting on that new attitude. That's what I did. (no navel gazing, thank you!)

First 30 days: avoiding porn/porn subs like I would a plague. I had a few MO sessions (all explained earlier in this journal)

I entered week 7 experimenting with ERP. That went mostly well because I didn't act out. I risked trying it because of the ever present nature of triggers in our lives. I saw that I could view the most triggering porn possible for me and not act out. It made sexy ads, R-rated movies, Victoria Secret catalogs seem like child's play.

Entering week 8,  I experienced some chaser effect from the ERP sessions but got through that okay.

I entered June with the NOMO challenge and that has proved to be mostly easy, but not without some urge surfing and commitment to stay the course. Stopping MO is important to me.

Through this reboot, sex with my wife has been a bit inconsistent but still on the upswing from where it had been for almost 2 yrs. No ED, PE, or problems of that nature. Very satisfying sex for both of us. At our age, it's more about quality than quantity anyway. The quality is great because we love each other and have a great, but not perfect, marriage. We're a team, but I'm the head coach.

From a practical standpoint, I'm a busy body. I stay busy. I have a business to run, I'm an avid gardener, I have hobbies, etc. You asked, "how did I do this?" while sort of discounting fighting urges and altering the mindset. Guess what? I've gotten this far by altering my mindset and learning to surf urges. There is no secret sauce. Most of the rest of how I conduct my daily life has been the same. I just have more time to be productive because I don't surf porn for an hour a day. My physical relationship with my wife has improved because I don't surf porn and masturbate everyday.

If the heart and mind doesn't change, every other thing we "do" to recover from PMO addiction is just window dressing. Meditating, exercising, socializing, reading, working, surfing Reboot Nation and anything else we try to sub for PMOing are all exercises in futility without a change of heart and a renewing of our mindset. How that's done, cannot be explained away as do this, do that, think this, or think that.....it has to be explored in a personal way, by yourself, within the confines of your own heart and psyche. The answer resides within, not from without. The only way out is in.

Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: gummianka on June 27, 2016, 01:48:25 PM
Thank you
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Chip on June 27, 2016, 02:00:57 PM
...If the heart and mind doesn't change, every other thing we "do" to recover from PMO addiction is just window dressing. Meditating, exercising, socializing, reading, working, surfing Reboot Nation and anything else we try to sub for PMOing are all exercises in futility without a change of heart and a renewing of our mindset...
Truer words have never been spoken, the very words I live by.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Leon on June 27, 2016, 04:00:02 PM
Well said, Boo.

Thanks for the outline of victory.


Leon.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on June 28, 2016, 07:31:33 AM
I've said since I started this reboot that my commitment is very real. Nothing has changed. Here are a few thoughts about my recovery, and yours. My journey started initially back in 2013 by joining YBR. From there I found YBOP. I'm a prolific reader. I read most of what was on YBOP. I  have read numerous journals, completely, on YBR and RN.

I had, as I can remember, about a half dozen resets, with the longest streak being 53 days. Then I left YBR. I came here when RN was new. I had about a 30 day streak but then got disgusted and left. During the time I was gone from RN, I fell into my old habits of acting out about 5 times a week. I would estimate that the total time involved varied from as little as 10 or 15 min. per session to about an hour. Sometimes the craving for dopamine would lead to viewing for as much as 2 hours. I never really "edged". I mostly just wanted to get it over and move on to something else, you know, regular living.

Fast forward to today. I came back here 81 days ago with a serious commitment. Serious Commitment.
Here is what I think about what we currently have available to us in the way external resources : Everything we need in order to recover has already been written, cataloged, reflected on, talked about, journaled about, teeth gnashed about, poured over, suffered about, published, peer reviewed, studied, preached, speeched, teached, presented, chatted about, etc.etc etc.etc. It has been made available from the left, right, above, below, sideways, over, under, eloquently, not-so-eloquently, partially, thoroughly, etc. etc. etc. etc. Am I painting a good picture for you here, or am I being too subtle?  8)

There's only one ingredient missing for those struggling, and it's internal, not external. Yes, you guessed it. I hinted at it above: A Serious Commitment. None of the resources available mean anything until someone is seriously committed. Once your committed, then it's a matter of picking your tools. Don't look for a comfortable way out. There is none. Whatever tools you use, they will make you uncomfortable. Why? Because using the tools takes commitment, and commitment is uncomfortable. Willpower? Forget about it. Willpower has been proven by science to be a finite resource upon which to draw. Filters? Really? Do you want to live a filtered life? Good luck with that. I don't believed you can filter out all the ugliness of life. Do we want our lives to be ruled by filters and counters? I don't. I won't.
Edit>That said, I don't look down on anyone who uses them. Hopefully, it is only needed during the early weeks or months of a season of recovery. I respect anyone putting forth true effort, regardless of the tools employed. (Thanks Chip, for motivating me to rethink and add my last remark)

I look around here at RN and over at YBR and I see some serious struggle. The extent to which some of the guys have debased themselves is confounding to me. My progression of porn use is explained in some of my earlier posts, BUT, some of the guys in these forums make me feel like an amateur. So, where does that bring us in my little missive here. At the heart of it all, we want to walk away from the PMO life. (Well, some of us truly do). Some are caught up in endless "recoveryism". If nothing else, continuous reboots and participation here at RN has become addictions in and of themselves. That's a proven fact; all you have to do is READ.

I'm just one voice here, who will go silent pretty soon. I know that this post will resonate with some. Others will start to read and then say "oh, it's a bit too long" and move on. Whatever. I just wanted to make one of my final posts here have a practical message and not be filled with a bunch of bullshit. I'm going to come back here incognito and visit from time to time and I guarantee I'm going to see some familiar profiles stuck in recoveryism. My wish for you who are reading this is to distinguish yourselves from the pack and commit to achieving victory over this stuff. Don't give it lip service. Don't try to sound eloquent when you're not truly committed. Don't bullshit yourself. Don't just be "involved' in recovery. Be 'committed" to recovery. I'll end with a little riddle which sums it up.

Question: In a bacon-and-egg breakfast, what's the difference between the Chicken and the Pig?
Answer: The Chicken is involved, but the Pig is committed.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: notgivinup on June 28, 2016, 08:24:00 AM
Hi Boo...thanks for coming back. I just read most of your thread.

I just came back...serious about this issue. I too just reached the point where the dissonance between my values and what I have been doing has grown too loud, and too course....I know I will die if I don't stop this.

I know it is a heart issue...and must be changed from the inside out. I could not agree more with you.

Thank you for what you wrote, and thank you for your courage and determination to make real changes. Your posts have been direct.
Thanks.
NGU
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Chip on June 28, 2016, 08:33:46 AM
Bravo Boo.  Bravo.  I agree 100% with everything you said about, "Serious Commitment" and it being the core, the root, the cornerstone of success over porn/PMO/MO.  I use filters, not because I want a filtered life, but because I know better than to trust me, because for whatever reason I would lose focus and down I'd go.  At some point I will take my training wheels off, but while I'm still learning to pedal and navigate simultaneously I'm fine to have a little assistance.  I wish I had the intestinal fortitude that you possess to gut it out and power thru on determination and commitment alone, but I know from my past experiences, that I don't have that.  For me I finally made the decision that it was worth more to me to escape porn, to be done with it and I didn't care how.  I admire you, you are direct and honest and provide a different perspective on a mutual problem and I believe all those qualities have contributed to my own success.  I'm not into philosophy and so I lag behind sometimes when the conversations turn that way, but I listen.

I watched American Sniper for the first time last night, I won't say I enjoyed it, that doesn't feel appropriate.  I will say I admire our servicemen for being able to do what they do in the most impossible situations.  My father taught me some about hunting when I was little, but I never fully enjoyed it.  I love firearms and I love shooting, even tracking, but I never enjoyed the kill, make of that what you will.  Maybe if I'd gone thru the Marines I'd have the ability to power thru, but I don't.  So being really honest with myself here on RN I decided my victory was more important than I how I earned it and crafted a strategy that I knew would work so I wouldn't be stuck in recoveryism, like so many other poor souls.  I agree with you 1000% that a year from now when we have a class reunion an comeback to see how things are going on RN, that a lot of the same dudes will still be here, still limping along perpetually starting over.  "Ooops, I did it again, reset.  Cycle repeats".  That was me for a long time, stuck in a cycle of hell, but enjoying it just enough not to let it go.

I hope you know I consider you a friend and though we approach the same problem from different perspectives, I only ever want the best for you.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

The Value of a Friend

9  Two are better than one,
Because they have a good reward for their labor.
10  For if they fall, one will lift up his companion.
But woe to him who is alone when he falls,
For he has no one to help him up.
11  Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm;
But how can one be warm alone?
12  Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him.
And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: carlson on June 28, 2016, 12:53:13 PM
Boo,

What a wonderful post.  Thank you.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: fyg on June 28, 2016, 01:43:48 PM
Great post Boo. Thank you Brother. There must be something in the air (I literally got serious not half an hour ago!). I hadn't even read your post, but maybe I 'heard' it, somehow. Anyways... Who cares. Great post, Bro!!! ;)
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on June 29, 2016, 12:17:39 PM
I appreciate the kind remarks since my last post.

Today I'm posting a summation of Jim Rohn's "The Seasons of Life". I read his book by the same title years ago and found it to be an excellent metaphorical use of the four seasons being like life and the lessons therein can apply to many things, even mastering a PMO habit as we learn to master ourselves. I hope some of you will have a few minutes to read it. Here it is :

Handle the winters

Every year, winter comes. It always comes. We deal with it by preparing for it. Whether it’s changing our clothing or changing our way of life, we always get ready for winter, because we know it’s coming. The same applies to your life. Rough times WILL come. No life goes smoothly without a problem from beginning to end. Thus, you have to be ready for it, for when it does come, you are not stuck in the cold without a coat. Be ready to handle the winters in your own life.

Take advantage of the spring

Every year, after a long winter, comes the spring. This is a time where opportunities arise. Flowers blossom and creatures come out of their hibernation. The same thing applies within your life. After a challenging time, you will be faced with a great opportunity. It is your duty to take full advantage of the springs when they pop up. This is your moment to plant the seeds of greatness to come. You never see all the beauty that is life and nature on this planet decide not to awaken one year in the spring! It does because it is meant to do so. Hold your own existence to that same standard. Make your springs the springboard to getting where you want to go.

Protect your summer

After having planted your seeds in the spring, soon the summer will come. This is a time where you can reap the benefits of your crops. As well as being a time of joy and comfort, it is also a time to be careful. As Jim Rohn points out, “all good will be attacked”. If you are not careful, your crops will be either stolen, destroyed, or spoiled. Therefore you must do whatever it takes to protect your crops. Once you have achieved something in your life, you must defend it. You must stand up for it, and protect its value. Otherwise you may find yourself losing it.

Take responsibility in the fall

As the autumn comes, the trees change color, lose their leaves, and the weather gets cooler. As you gear up for another winter, it is the best time to take full responsibility of what happened in the previous seasons, both good and bad. This is the time where you can open yourself to learning the lessons that the previous seasons taught you and put everything into perspective. They say that the fall is the time of the year where there are more depression than any other time. This is due to people not taking such responsibilities and learning from previous successes and/or mistakes. Only by doing so can you be ready once more to handle another winter that is coming and plan for the following spring & summer.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: notgivinup on June 29, 2016, 01:58:12 PM
Great words....thanks for sharing this.

NGU
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on June 30, 2016, 07:49:37 AM
Here's some of my favorite quotes that have some relevance to our struggles here:

Life is difficult. This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult-once we truly understand and accept it-then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters- M. Scott Peck

Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says 'I need you because I love you. – Erich Fromm

When a person can’t find a deep sense of meaning, they distract themselves with pleasure.-Viktor Frankl

The dead drug leaves a ghost behind. At certain hours it haunts the house- Jean Cocteau

Just because you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town- George Carlin

Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: fyg on June 30, 2016, 09:46:51 AM
Thank you for the quotes, bro. Really need those today. Espesh like the ghost one. Urge surfing today. Peace.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: carlson on June 30, 2016, 11:56:47 AM
Outstanding quotes - and very relevant to the struggles we all face.  Thank you, Boo.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Branch on June 30, 2016, 01:00:30 PM
Here's some of my favorite quotes that have some relevance to our struggles here:

Life is difficult. This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult-once we truly understand and accept it-then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters- M. Scott Peck

Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says 'I need you because I love you. – Erich Fromm

When a person can’t find a deep sense of meaning, they distract themselves with pleasure.-Viktor Frankl

The dead drug leaves a ghost behind. At certain hours it haunts the house- Jean Cocteau

Just because you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town- George Carlin

Look at those great names.  Somebody's done his reading.  I think the same guy who's accused me of being too intellectual.   ;)

Nonetheless, great quotes, Boo.  And perfect timing with the George Carlin quote.  LOL!

Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Chip on June 30, 2016, 01:24:36 PM
Just because you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town- George Carlin
On a lot of things I never agreed with GC, but I like this quote, it speaks to the importance of being ever vigilant.  Very wise, Very true.

Thanks for sharing, Boo.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on July 01, 2016, 06:25:09 AM
Well, my NO MO June Challenge is complete. LET THE MO'ing COMMENCE! (just kidding  ;) )

Actually, this past month showed me what's possible in the realm of self mastery and urge control. There were a few occasions when the urge to act out was strong but many more times when the urges were easily dismissed. Going forward, who knows? I know that I do not want to engage in auto-eroticism.

Even though Woody Allen famously said 'Don"t knock masturbation. It's sex with someone you love", I know longer want to engage in it under any circumstances. As I say that I know that the likelihood of not ever doing it again is probably unrealistic.
That's okay. As I've said many times, when the heart and mind changes about something, the person is different. When you know that you know that you know what you want or don't want in your life, you can never have peace if you live as if you don't know. I want peace, the kind that I can cultivate on my own for my life simply by living in accordance with my values. So, going forward, I'm committed to living MO-free as much as possible. Any mental /emotional connections to it will be severed.

I know that this world will do plenty, without my help, to rob me of my peace. My faith and my values will keep me centered in that peace. Soooo, MOing is not part of my value system. Maybe it was for a long time or maybe I just never gave it enough thought. I know this, all the "resetting" in the world will not work and keep us from doing that which we don't want to do unless we figure out what we value in life and then commit to living accordingly.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: balanced on July 01, 2016, 06:51:52 AM
I agree, it necessary to be clear on what you want in your life and what you do not, and once you draw these lines you can focus effort on eliminating that which you do not want and building those things you do want. Clarity is essential for focus and focused efforts.

As far as never again MOing again, I too am committed to not MOing again, period. And the farther I go down this path of not MOing, now at 1,392,480 minutes since the day I committed to no more, the more I see that a life without it is entirely possible. The more time that passes, the more commitment I have "invested", the more I would have to lose in terms of accomplishment and self-respect if I ever went back. And I'm living in a better life with greater attachment to those I love, and that alone is a great reminder of the value of the change I've made.

I believe that we are capable of making the changes we want...really want. And you're proving it to yourself and to the rest of us.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Leon on July 01, 2016, 08:18:03 AM
Congratulations, Boo- on successfully completing your June challenge! I was there with you, despite some challenges- I made it as well.

As far as never doing it again, don't worry about that. All you know is that right now, you have no intention of including it in your life. You deserve better, and you're always in control. It is quite conceivable that you never have to masturbate ever again. My own habits, despite the occasional struggle with edging, is quite different from what it used to be- at about 3 times a week or so...in its hay day.

Good going, and inspiring.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Feetfirst on July 01, 2016, 08:40:24 AM
Hi Boo. Congratulations on your June NoMo victory. I know when I give way to mo that acting out isnt far behind as I have found to my recent cost. I hope you will return from time to time after your 90 days. Your immense imput will be missed greatly! FF
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Hablablos on July 01, 2016, 10:53:05 AM
Hello Boo,

Quote
I look around here at RN and over at YBR and I see some serious struggle. The extent to which some of the guys have debased themselves is confounding to me. My progression of porn use is explained in some of my earlier posts, BUT, some of the guys in these forums make me feel like an amateur. So, where does that bring us in my little missive here. At the heart of it all, we want to walk away from the PMO life. (Well, some of us truly do). Some are caught up in endless "recoveryism". If nothing else, continuous reboots and participation here at RN has become addictions in and of themselves. That's a proven fact; all you have to do is READ.

I absolutely agree with this, especially with the recoveryism (this might be my case) and reading. Because of that I spent about 5 months in total to put all I know about dealing with porn addiction into a readable form to make it easier for the others. When I post my first version I made a mistake and wrote it in my journal. The second version now stands alone, you can find it here if you are interested. http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=9675.0

Nevertheless I congratulate you on your progress and I wish you only the best.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: fyg on July 01, 2016, 04:20:01 PM
Congrats on No MO June, Boo. I was with you too; fell two or three times, but rode into town with you on the last 11 days.

Thanks for the exemplary resolve, bro ;)
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on July 06, 2016, 08:31:31 AM
I love classic movies, especially morality tales that are well told. My profile name and avatar was inspired by what may be my favorite film, To Kill A mockingbird. The book it was based on won a Pulitzer.

Scout and Jem were rescued from peril at the end of the film by someone they had never met, but who was none the less their benefactor. This little Youtube clip from the final part is where Scout meets the person who saved them. He was a misunderstood recluse who lived 3 houses away. He secretly gave them gifts in a hollowed out tree trunk. He also gave them their lives. His name was Boo Radley. We're all here at RN, in a sense, to save our own lives. Boo was a hero for these children. We have to be our own hero to win here.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iRmIef02Ajk
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Leon on July 06, 2016, 09:15:58 AM
I love classic movies, especially morality tales that are well told. My profile name and avatar was inspired by what may be my favorite film, To Kill A mockingbird. The book it was based on won a Pulitzer.

Scout and Jem were rescued from peril at the end of the film by someone they had never met, but who was none the less their benefactor. This little Youtube clip from the final part is where Scout meets the person who saved them. He was a misunderstood recluse who lived 3 houses away. He secretly gave them gifts in a hollowed out tree trunk. He also gave them their lives. His name was Boo Radley. We're all here at RN, in a sense, to save our own lives. Boo was a hero for these children. We have to be our own hero to win here.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iRmIef02Ajk

Well done, brother!

Boo Radley as a metaphor for saving ourselves, our (younger) future selves. This being done through gifts in a hollowed out tree trunk (the cross).

Being our own hero, saving our own lives, not settling for what has been- but more importantly, for what is yet to be- an endless sea of possibilities.

Thank you for all your efforts here, and for being so generous with your help toward others.


Blessings,

Leon.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: balanced on July 06, 2016, 04:14:22 PM
Boo, I've only overlapped with you here on RN for a short time, but I have really appreciated your strength and resolve, your clarity of purpose, and your wisdom and insights.  I wish you all the best.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: TK-421 on July 06, 2016, 04:40:47 PM
Here's some of my favorite quotes that have some relevance to our struggles here:

Life is difficult. This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult-once we truly understand and accept it-then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters- M. Scott Peck

Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says 'I need you because I love you. – Erich Fromm

When a person can’t find a deep sense of meaning, they distract themselves with pleasure.-Viktor Frankl

The dead drug leaves a ghost behind. At certain hours it haunts the house- Jean Cocteau

Just because you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town- George Carlin

These are great, thanks.  I also really liked your comment about "surfing an urge".  I love the imagery of just riding out the wave until it loses its power, rather than letting it get on top of you, turn you upside down and maybe even drown you.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Feetfirst on July 07, 2016, 05:28:33 AM
Hi Boo, thank you for dropping by to say farewell, I appreciate your kind and heart felt words. You have been a great support to me and many others. I would encourage you to drop back from time to time, let us know how you are doing and offer up longer term wisdom. Wishing you all strength and joy, keep well. FF
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on July 07, 2016, 09:08:37 AM
Leon
balanced
TK-421
Feetfirst

I appreciate your recent visits and comments. I'm writing my last journal post now. I'm reaching 90 complete days PMO-free in a couple of hours.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Chip on July 07, 2016, 09:41:45 AM
2 Hours to go for 90!  Whoo-Hooo!  Lets celebrate with some porn...  Just Kidding.  Its been a honor, we didn't always agree, but we did always respect. 

Be well Boo.
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on July 07, 2016, 09:43:58 AM
2 Hours to go for 90!  Whoo-Hooo!  Lets celebrate with some porn...  Just Kidding.  Its been a honor, we didn't always agree, but we did always respect. 

Be well Boo.

Thanks Chip. You're a "MAN who quit porn". All respect to you. I'll be back here to read your manifesto when you publish. Yours in Christ,
Boo
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: fyg on July 07, 2016, 09:52:02 AM
Dear Boo,

All the very best, mate. I second Feetfirst's thoughts of you dropping by ;) Responded to you in my journal yesday too. Will look forward to your post.

Thanks for all the advice and comradeship, Bro!

Take care, fyg
Title: Re: Boo's Journal
Post by: Boo on July 07, 2016, 11:41:20 AM
Well, this is my last post in my journal here at Reboot Nation. I’ve reached my 90 day goal. My journal isn’t particularly long but I I’ve tried to make some contributions that were useful and a bit transparent.  Probably most of what I’ve said is because I needed to hear it myself. I’ve always appreciated the support and interest that some of you have shown. I hope I’ve reciprocated in kind. 

I never wanted to replace physical masturbation with mental masturbation here at RN. There’s only so many ways to talk about all of this before one reaches the point of diminishing returns, not only for the writer, but also for the reader.  My goal was to post only when I had something worthwhile to say and then try to say it well. I came here with a commitment to myself. I’ve been very serious and I’ve refused to ever feel victimized by PMO. Like everything else in my life, I am responsible.

Quitting PMO and its related habits is for me not only an act of volition but a change of heart. My change of heart began when I finally matured to the point of saying “Enough is enough. I’m a man, I’m a free moral agent, and I’m not going to live like this anymore”.  My little poem/affirmation below serves to remind me of my innate responsibility to myself to live in a way that serves my greater good:

I am not a prisoner of bad habits,                                                                                                                               
I am a master of good habits.                                                                                                                                     
I will live my life in that truth every day,                                                                                                               
until whatever pain resides there, fades away, fades away.


Going forward I know that although I could have a slip here or there I will never have a full blown relapse. I’m not self delusional and I know that at least some challenges lie ahead.  As George Carlin said about addiction, “just because you got the monkey off your back doesn’t mean the circus has left town”.  I believe urges will fade evermore over time but I’ll also keep Jean Cocteau’s quote in mind “The dead drug leaves a ghost behind. At certain hours it haunts the house”.  I believe it always will.  My quiver is full of mental arrows to shoot at the ghost and make it fade away quickly. So, I no longer fear the ghost, although it may reside in my mental house till the day I die. Men, don’t fear the ghost: Master it!

My final advice would be to always have a viable strategy for handling the inevitable urges or cravings. They will come when you least expect it. It’s a rare person who can completely leave this stuff behind without any cravings or urges hitting them in the future. Memory is a powerful thing.  Please remember why you came here to RN in the first place. I’ve always said you had to have a clearly defined “why”. Never let a lapse turn into a relapse. Forgive yourself while you discipline yourself. Don’t  give up on your ability to heal yourself.

Many of us lost a piece of our innocence at a young age when we were first exposed to pornography, in whatever form and however we came upon it. None of that matters now. We’re men…. we have to transcend that sad reality and live as noble adults. Life is a tapestry. I hope all of us can weave our tapestries well going forward.

I’ll probably check in on journals (read only), to see who’s progressing. For now, I’m going to say goodbye with a short film clip that captures the innocence of youth in a very lovely way. (Everyone in porn was someone’s child first)  My late, beloved mother took me too see this film when I was a young boy. With all the ugliness in this world, there’s still sweetness to behold. I want to close with something sweet, and for me, maybe it’s a tad bittersweet.  It’s called “So Long, Farewell” and it’s from “The Sound of Music”. Be well and God bless!  Boo

https://vimeo.com/31680681