Reboot Nation

Journals => Ages 20-29 => Topic started by: BailHopper on October 23, 2015, 06:16:54 PM

Title: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: BailHopper on October 23, 2015, 06:16:54 PM
Hello everyone. I'm a 28 year old man from Belgium.

I've been suffering from porn induced ED for a couple of years now. I can't say how many exactly, because I have trouble distinguishing between anxiety related issues and porn related issues with all the occurrences in the past. I used to have no trouble at all achieving an erection, but I have always had a problem with achieving an orgasm with a partner.

I only became aware that I had a real problem, when I tried to have sex with my latest girlfriend. With all the other sexual partners I have had, I always had trouble achieving an orgasm. I never really thought about it, because I was able to have sex in quite a normal way, but recently the problem evolved into full ED. I would get an erection, and lose it midway intercourse. One time, I couldn't even keep an erection for five minutes.
Nothing I tried (Cialis, Saldonafil, Viagra) had any effect. I would always lose the erection.

I went to see a urologist, who assured me there were no physical problems. He called it performance anxiety. Since I have a lot of confidence issues, this seemed like a logical explanation to me. I went to see a psychologist on a regular basis. This helped my overall feeling and improved my self confidence, but did nothing for my E.D.

After a LOT of searching online, I came upon www.yourbrainonporn.com and something just clicked. I knew that this was the answer. I started watching movies and porn when I was about 15 and during the last year, I have lived completely alone, so I was completely free in my choice of when and where to masturbate. This resulted in a lot of porn in a short period. This one year is undoubtedly what pushed me over the edge and created my E.D. problem.

So after I discovered www.yourbrainonporn.com, I have decided to quit porn from my life completely. I've had a few relapses to be fair, but now I'm at day 12 already. It's not quitting porn that's been hard so far. It's always harder to try and not masturbate. I seem to be getting no urge to look up porn on the web, but I do have great urges to masturbate when I'm alone. Keeping busy helps.

My goal is to make it to at least 90 days. I want to get healthy again, so I can enjoy sexual relationships like it should be enjoyed.
I'll keep you posted of my progress.
Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: BailHopper on October 25, 2015, 10:22:45 AM
Right now, I'm at day 14. The second week. Yay!

So far, I haven't had much that pushed me back towards porn. I don't seem to be experiencing any triggers to get back to porn at all. I'm just continuing, filling up my time with new hobbies. So far it's going great.

I haven't noticed much about the brain fog disappearing, or the increase in energy. I do hope that will happen soon, so I can see that I'm at least making some progress.

In summary, it hasn't been too hard to keep it up so far. I kinda hope it will remain this easy to keep off the porn.

I think it's going to be far harder to not masturbate at all to be honest ...
Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: BailHopper on October 26, 2015, 04:18:45 PM
Day 15.

I know I usually PMO in the morning, after waking up. To circumvent this issue, I decided to place my alarm clock on a different floor in my house. In that way, when the alarm clock goes off, I am forced to get out of my bed and thus do not get the urge to masturbate. This seems to help me so far.
Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: BailHopper on October 28, 2015, 04:13:39 AM
Day 16. The first day I woke up with a real morning erection. Experiencing this, made me realize that I haven't had a real morning erection in months (maybe even years).

Day 17. Tonight was the very first night I actually experienced any problems. I woke up in the middle of the night, and was "in the mood". Not to watch porn though, but to masturbate. It was very hard to ignore the feeling and try to continue to sleep. Result: a very short night, but I made it.

I also confessed to a loved one about what's really happening and what caused my E.D. After some initial talk, which was difficult, she agreed that this may very well be the cause of my problems and that it needs to be handled. It means a lot to me that someone is out there supporting me.
Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: yoda on October 28, 2015, 05:42:22 AM
Thats really brave of your to admit your problems to another person…I don't think I could ever do that…I didn't even tell my therapist about this stuff
Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: BailHopper on October 28, 2015, 06:05:02 AM
@Yoda: I see a regular psychiatrist as well. She knows about all of this. It took me some courage to man up, in fact, but it was well worth it. She knew, at least for a small bit, about PIED (and the addictive nature of porn) and was willing to study up on it. And in turn, she gave me the courage to man up to my ex girlfriend. I don't regret this one bit.

Remember: explanation is key. Don't tell her you masturbate too much with porn, that sounds creepy. Explain you have a problem, without going into too much detail, but tell her you're dealing with it. I found that making the link to another addiction like drugs helps to explain the full picture. Everyone seems to know about withdrawal effects from drugs. This whole 'rebooting' thing is very similar.
Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: BailHopper on October 29, 2015, 02:39:28 AM
Day 18: yesterday I was watching a new Danish television series I'm trying to follow, called 1864. It contained a sex scene. I watched it and was afraid it would trigger something, as in the past it usually did. But it didn't. I didn't feel the slightest arousal. I guess that settles it: I'm experiencing a flatline right now.
Doesn't change the fact that I am at least a bit aroused when I wake up in the morning.
Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: BunnyBoy2015 on October 29, 2015, 07:39:44 AM
Hi BailHope,

Well done, you seem to be doing well so far. I have been on here quite awhile now, so if you have any questions or concerns feel free to let me know.

I think it was really brave and the right thing to do to tell someone what you are going through. I told my dad and stepdad, and they have been really supportive. It was a huge weight off my mind, and relieved a lot of stress. I have also told my psychiatrist and they were very impressed with all the work I am doing to keep myself well (I am diagnosed with Schizophrenia).

If you have a spare moment feel free to check out my journal... http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=5218.0

Stay strong
Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: BailHopper on October 30, 2015, 04:28:43 AM
Day 19: You know, it's the funniest thing. I have no problem AT ALL staying away from porn. My mind is made up and it's going great.

The no masturbation thing, that's something different though. This morning I woke up and I was 'in the mood'. I have to say I gave into it. This does not feel like a relapse to me though, because I didn't use porn to achieve erection or orgasm, and I did not employ any sort of 'death grip' I would usually do. I also kept my mind clear of any porn fantasies and focused on sensation alone.

I have decided to keep on counting, despite this setback. Masturbation will be kept to an absolute minimum to keep my reboot going of course.
Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: BunnyBoy2015 on October 30, 2015, 01:10:25 PM
Hi BailHope,

On the MO thing, be warned, I have never read a successful journal where the person used MO at least not in the first 90 days. Might be worth a thought.

Good luck
Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: BailHopper on October 31, 2015, 09:48:17 AM
Hello MountainSummit. Thanks for your suggestion. I was already well aware that MO during recovery can cause a setback. Let's say that my objective is to absolutely try not to make anything happen again. That being said, I honestly do not feel like this was a setback, but I'm trying to keep on track of no MO just as well as no PMO, just to be safe.

So this is day 20 of my reboot. Today, I woke up with a headache. Not a really big one, but enough for me to take a painkiller so I could at least bear to look at a screen. I didn't do anything last night that could cause me this headache (it's not a hangover) I think, besides that I made out with a girl. Which was strange, because I didn't experience a full erection. That was great though, because it allowed me to focus on her. She's aware of the condition, she's aware I'm going without any PMO and hardly (or no) MO, so she didn't lay any pressure on me. This allowed me to really focus on my sensations and hers. I don't think I've ever given a woman the attention that I gave her last night.
I suppose this process is part of my rewiring. It's great.
Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: BailHopper on November 01, 2015, 06:50:41 AM
So, today I started day 21. I still experience no difficulty at all in staying away from porn. I saw a video by Gary Wilson about how porn affects the human adolescent brain and that these brain changes can occur without a full blown addiction as well. I'm certain this is my case. I feel no intention to relapse to porn at all, but instead I do feel a limited sexual arousal every morning. It's still hard to get a full erection from pure thought - but it does happen. It's beginning to feel as if my symptoms aren't that bad, and that I'm making progress.

I do hope so, because I would very much like to get on with a healthy life instead of this (wouldn't we all ...)
Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: BailHopper on November 02, 2015, 02:40:08 AM
Day 22: Last night, I did some extra stuff to keep me on the right path. I installed an app on my phone which actually counts the seconds, minutes, hours and days I've not relapsed. I find this motivating, because when I get in trouble, I can open the app and check my progress. There's a big button on the app saying "I failed  :'(" which resets the timer, if I press it. I don't ever want to press that one. It helps. It's called "ImQuit" and can be used for any addiction you want. Check it out.

I've been reading up on the passion cycle (http://www.reuniting.info/passion_cycle (http://www.reuniting.info/passion_cycle)). It's fascinating. So a human body takes about 7 days to recover from one orgasm. And when you pile orgasm after orgasm after orgasm, it takes longer. I think it's a good explanation of the flatline. Very interested in these subjects! Does anyone else have any subjects about hormones or what's actually going on during a flatline that I can read? I'm truly fascinated by all of this.

Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: BailHopper on November 03, 2015, 01:28:50 AM
Day 23: something really weird happened last night. I woke up after about an hour of sleep. And I woke up with some serieus wood. I'm talking about an erection of 100%. I have no idea what I was dreaming about, but it seems to have been a good dream. It was the hardest thing not to do anything about the erection and just calm myself. But I did it! I didn't do anything, and eventually it faded away.

Today I read that masturbation is a choice. Whether or not you feel the urges, it is still you who makes the decision. An addiction, or a craving, can't make the decision for you. It can only push you in one direction. That kind of opened my eyes, because it is completely true. And I chose not to do anything last night. And it worked! Awesome!
Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: BailHopper on November 04, 2015, 03:31:26 AM
Today I started day 24. Yay!

The last few days I have noticed a higher motivation to go out and do stuff instead of sit quietly. I took this as a good sign. Today I had no motivation at all when I woke up. I had to push myself to get out of bed, to do something with the time I have freed up every day by getting up early. I spent about two hours just tidying up my house. Not because I felt any motivation for it, but because I made myself do it.

Funny thing - one of my biggest problems in the past was that I couldn't make myself do anything. If I didn't want to do it, if I felt no motivation for it, it just didn't happen. So I'll just take this as a good sign.

Last night, I went to have a talk with a sexologist. I was very interested in hearing a professional's point of view on the matter. She had never heard about P.I.E.D. per se, but she heard of problems due to over-masturbation or of porn use, so she was quickly caught up on the subject. The science behind it, she wasn't familiar with (dopamine receptors, androgen receptors, the actual addiction, ...).
In any case, she said one thing to me that was really worth remembering:
"If you feel you have a problem with your masturbation habits, just try quitting and see what happens. If nothing happens, you didn't have a problem. If you start feeling different (better, more energetic, more horny, ...), then you can be sure you did have a problem.

Seeing as I noticed a big difference in my energy levels after only a week of no MO, I'm going to take this as a sign that I really did have a problem.
Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: BailHopper on November 05, 2015, 08:30:29 AM
Day 25 started off as a terrible day. Today is the day that my loved one - the one I really want to get better for - took her leave and said goodbye. She said it hurt too much because of not being able to be with me, because of stuff going on in her own life AND in my life at the same time.

I feel terrible.

A few days ago, I gave someone at this forum the advice that healing from PIED for that one special person isn't all that bad. And yet, now I have lost all motivation to keep going. It truly is bad motivation to do it all for one person.

I want to get better, no matter how long it takes. So I will keep going. But I'll tell you, to have someone to look forward to, to have a goal clearly visible in front of you, makes a lot of difference. She was the only one who knew about what I was going through, who was really supportive of me as well. She motivated me to tackle this.
Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: BunnyBoy2015 on November 05, 2015, 03:57:03 PM
Hi BailHope,

Sorry to hear about your girl. That must be a huge set back for you. But you know what I am going to say... you need to do this for yourself first. You are the one who doesn't want to have PIED problems. It must be a big motivator for you to get better, to allow yourself to have any kind of relationship with anyone in the future. A lot of people relapse after relationships break up, but just think how far you have come. You don't want to relapse, then meet someone and have to wait 90 days to be able to start the relationship fully. Get well first, then when you meet someone you will be all fired up and ready to go.

Good luck
Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: BailHopper on November 06, 2015, 05:25:57 AM
Sorry to hear about your girl. That must be a huge set back for you. But you know what I am going to say... you need to do this for yourself first. You are the one who doesn't want to have PIED problems.

I know. Even after writing the previous post, I realized that I'm doing this for myself in the first place. But it was a big disappointment, let me tell you. For a while, I wondered what's the point of it all. I was mainly questioning my abstinence though. Not the whole 'stopping with porn' thing. That remains a closed part of my life.

Anyway, today I start day 26 of the no PMO (and no MO) cycle. It's been pretty interesting so far. Today I noticed that I can get pretty aroused from just thoughts, which is nice. Didn't do anything with my arousal though. Yay me!
It's the strangest thing, but I feel like the whole "Masturbation is a choice" realization really did the thing for me. I'm choosing not to do anything, which makes me feel empowered and in control. It actually really makes it easier.
Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: BailHopper on November 08, 2015, 03:25:07 AM
Day 28: found out my loved one actually has a new boyfriend, which is why she left me. That was hard on me emotionally. But I keep going.

Today is the first day I try to take some supplements which may get me out of the flatline. Seeing as I don't have any urges whatsoever to watch porn again, I figure they are safe to try. I need to make sure I don't become an avid masturbater again, though when the flatline ends. My sexual energy has to be pointed towards girls as much as possible.
For future reference, I will also include if I feel any different, or whether I notice something changing.

I am currently taking:

They are both intended to get my brains back to a normal state. The Acetyl L-Carnitine's function, in particular, is to free any blocked androgen receptors (which can occur after binging on PORN) and restore any damaged androgen receptors. You can get these in any health store or fitness store, and are presumably safe to try (and experiment with).

I will also add an additional lifestyle change. I usually go to the gym once a week for a full workout. My goal is to go three times a week from now on.
Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: BailHopper on November 09, 2015, 05:34:24 AM
Day 29: Today started off like most days since I quit PMO. I can awake pretty quickly from my sleep. It used to take me about an hour after waking up just to be able to function. Now I can wake up, and within ten minutes get out of bed and really start my day. Quite the difference.
This has resulted in me showing up at work earlier than ever and being overall more productive. Colleagues have remarked upon this change as well, in a positive way.

Yesterday, I also had a moment where I suddenly got an erection, without any stimulation whatsoever. It just happened. I have to admit that I don't think my erections have ever been that hard without any kind of (artificial or manual) stimulation before. It was a very nice feeling, because it felt like progress. I of course had to resist the urge to do anything with it. In any case it took me a full five minutes to get it to disappear again. I feel like my reboot is starting to really take effect.

Don't feel any change with the supplements yet. I have only been taking them one day, so I don't have any expectations yet either. Will keep posting about any progress I'm experiencing in any case.

Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: BailHopper on November 10, 2015, 02:58:51 AM
That's right, starting with day 30!

I'm very proud of myself for getting this far. Just this morning I noticed that I was very aroused by simple thoughts (not porn related). I really feel like I am getting better. It's hard to know if the supplements of Acetyl L-Carnatine or Maca have something to do with it or not, but I'm feeling much more confident about myself than I was a week ago. It really seems like I'm getting out of my flatline.

This also means that I will try dating again sometime soon. Not to have sex or anything (it's not the goal), but to keep my rewiring process going! If I happen to meet someone that I really like, I know what exactly I'm going to tell her (to not come off as a freak or a pervert) and we'll see how things go from there.

Also, last night I went to the gym. Had a bit of a workout. Some running, some cycling and some weight lifting. Today, I didn't wake up with sore muscles, which I usually do have. Maybe my body is using more testosteron for muscle build up now or something, I don't know.
Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: Diesel driver on November 10, 2015, 03:58:32 AM
Awesome job!

Interseting what you say about your muscles not being sore. Sometimes when I go to the gym I wouldn't have sore muscles the next day but the day after that. Not sure what it means and if it's related to rebooting.

Have a great time on your dates!
Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: BailHopper on November 10, 2015, 04:55:11 AM
Interseting what you say about your muscles not being sore. Sometimes when I go to the gym I wouldn't have sore muscles the next day but the day after that. Not sure what it means and if it's related to rebooting.

Hey Diesel Driver:

this is actually the second time I've noticed that I no longer get sore muscles after workouts. I usually go to the gym once a week. I only go once, because I have a workout (with a trainer, so it's a responsible work out) and I usually have sore mucles for three days, which is why I only go once a week usually. The last time, and this time, I didn't feel anything in the way of sore muscles or muscle aches at all. I do feel that I've worked out though when I check my arms, for instance. The muscles are harder than they are normally, which is what I always feel the day after a workout. But no more muscle aches.

I'm really wondering if it's related. I suppose it can be, as muscle build up is also governed by the androgen receptors in your muscles. You also have androgen receptors in your brain - these get fried when you binge or masturbate to satiation - so maybe my muscle's androgen receptors are receiving more testosteron now that I'm pretty well along in my reboot.

Also, I'm noticing that the last few days I've been walking around with a very mild headache. I heard this can occur during reboot, but I also read it can occur when taking Acetyl L-Carnitine, so I'm wondering what is the reason. If the headaches persist, I'll try staying off the Carnitine and see if the headaches stop.
Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: BailHopper on November 11, 2015, 01:33:02 PM
Day 31: I've been getting some solid headaches to contend with for the last three days. Today is a holiday in my country, so I didn't have to go to work. This resulted in me sleeping a lot. I feel somewhat better now.

Last night, I woke up after a very erotic dream of a real girl I happen to know. I was rock hard. I can't even remember when I had an erection like that. It was amazing. Didn't do anything with it though, which was hard (no pun intended), but I managed it. All day today, I've been feeling just a tad aroused. I think it's nice. I think it means I'm getting out of my flatline!

Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: BailHopper on November 12, 2015, 04:17:03 AM
Day 32: today I experienced again what I experienced a few days ago. A total and utter disinterest in starting my day. I just wanted to stay in bed. No idea what caused it.

Staying in bed is - for me - a problem, because that's where I used to MO and PMO. So that is a time, for me, when I get aroused and want to do that stuff. Today, I kind of felt a trigger for the first time. I pushed it down and decided not to do it. I'm very proud of myself for doing this.
But that didn't mean I could get out of bed. There was simply no motivation at all. It's very weird.

Especially because for the last week and a half, I've been jumping out of bed every morning, feeling very rested. Today just was not that kind of day. Let's see how my day progresses and how I feel for the rest of the day. I hope this "sluggish" feeling I'm experiencing right now goes away though.

Side note: I went to the gym yesterday, had a great workout. Today, I still don't have any muscle aches at all. This is quite strange.
Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: Diesel driver on November 12, 2015, 07:57:34 AM
I wake up early in the morning without alarm and I can get out of bed easily but half an hour later I feel crushed and tired and want to go back to bed again. Also I get the physical urge to go to sleep at 6pm already and sometimes even earlier.
So I try to practice a good wake/ sleep rhythm and although my body should be used to it by now I'm still messed up in this weird way. Don't even mention motivation.
I believe this is rebooting depression.

That missing muscle soreness is indeed strange. I have no explanation for this and I don't experience this at all. I had delayed soreness a while ago as I already told you but that's it. Maybe your muscles became too accustomed to your exercises. Maybe change your workout a bit? Do you make gains?

Cheers!
Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: BailHopper on November 12, 2015, 08:09:52 AM
Hey diesel driver. Thanks for posting back!

I actually did a harder workout this time, because I thought maybe I was getting used to the exercises after all. But even with some more weights, this did not induce any muscle soreness. You know: just as well. I can totally live without any sore muscles in the morning. When I was riding to work just now, I noticed that my legs did feel a bit tired, but no soreness. Might be due to the supplements of Acetyl L Carnitine I'm taking, as this should have a positive effect on my androgen receptors, which have an effect on my muscles.

So far, I don't notice a real difference in muscle build up, but it's only been a week since I've been taking these supplements so it's far too early to tell of course.

I'm not really worried about the non-sore muscles. If I sprain a muscle, I still feel it, so all is good I guess.
Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: Dick Suffers on November 12, 2015, 10:33:38 AM
Congratulations on getting past 1 month :)

For getting out of bed in the morning: have you tried putting an alarm clock across the room, or in another room?
Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: BailHopper on November 12, 2015, 10:56:19 AM
@Dick Suffers:

I have. My alarm clock is on a different floor in my house even.

And in 95% of all the days, I get out of bed, and I stay out of bed without any problems. On days without motivation, like today, I just turn the alarm clock off and get back into bed. I know it's wrong. I even think about stopping myself, but can't at that point and lie down before I even get a chance to stop myself. When I'm lying down again, I can think about getting up, but I really don't want to, and I stay down really long.
It's very strange and different from all other days. So far, I have not been able to identify what it is that triggers this, but I seem to have one day like this per week, and it's usually around thursday too. Problem is, I don't do anything special at all on wednesday evening, it's a normal night like any others, so I don't see the link.
Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: BailHopper on November 13, 2015, 02:56:56 AM
Day 33: today started out as the opposite of the previous day. I was awake almost two hours too early. I just got up. Didn't need to sleep any further. No idea where the movation suddenly comes from, but it's nice!

Today: also, no headaches! A clear head. Let's hope the rest of the day stays this way.
Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: BailHopper on November 14, 2015, 05:34:18 PM
Day 34: today I again experienced my regular boost of energy I've been experiencing during my reboot. No depression, no troubles getting out of bed, ... I also noticed a clear mind and a lot of concentration. Today I started doing a 600 piece puzzle and spent two hours doing nothing else but the puzzle. It isn't finished yet, but it's going great.
I can't remember the last time I did something for two hours straight without getting bored of it, or without getting mad at myself because it wasn't going well enough, or fast enough.
Comparing my concentration to yesterday, I now understand what "brain fog" is, and during the last days, I seem to have experienced a lot of it.

I have noticed that there seems to be an inversely proportional relation between my mood and my sex drive. The last few days I have experienced a bit of depression, lack of concentration/focus, ... but I did have sexual drive.
Today, I have increased focus and energy and my mood seems to be optimal, but there isn't anything to be found at all in terms of sexual drive. The flatline seems to be back with a vengeance. Will keep this in mind during the next few days, to see if there is any truth to this.
Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: freedom2015 on November 14, 2015, 09:31:21 PM
Hey there, I am just stop dropping a quick message to say how encouraging it is to see someone who has almost made it to 35 days.  That is really cool, and I hope I can make it that far too.  I was reading some of your entries, and I noticed you said you were exercising.  What do you feel is the best to help with releasing tension that would normally be released by PMO.  I'm currently 320, and I really want to drop weight, so that I can feel comfortable and enjoy life more.  Do you feel cardio on the treadmill is good enough or do you think I would have more success with lifting weights regularly.  Thanks for any info, and I wish you the best of luck on your reboot.
Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: BailHopper on November 15, 2015, 10:52:44 AM
I was reading some of your entries, and I noticed you said you were exercising.  What do you feel is the best to help with releasing tension that would normally be released by PMO.  I'm currently 320, and I really want to drop weight, so that I can feel comfortable and enjoy life more.  Do you feel cardio on the treadmill is good enough or do you think I would have more success with lifting weights regularly.  Thanks for any info, and I wish you the best of luck on your reboot.

If you want to lose weight, any fat-losing exercises will work, but a variety of excersises work best. Don't focus on just the treadmill. Go running, do some push ups, lift some weights ... You want to burn fat in all places. Also: replacing body fat with muscles won't make you lose weight, but it will make you a ton healthier and that is very noticeable! A muscled man is by far more attractive than an overweight man  ;)

At my local gym, they have virtual lessons: which is basically just a tv with someone giving instructions, while all the equipment (like weights) is in front of you. I do this once, sometimes twice a week. It's an hour long workout that exercises your entire body for 5 - 10 minutes at a time. I'm usually parched after I do this, but it feels very nice. I guess something similar could work great!
Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: freedom2015 on November 15, 2015, 03:21:37 PM
Thanks BailHope, I really appreciate the advice.  I am really interested in getting in shape, and I feel that it will help a lot with my issues with porn and masturbation.  I have always used porn as a way of winding down or ramping up, so I really need something that will serve as a replacement to that.  I would love to find a forum that is supportive about exercise similar to how this forum is with staying away from porn.  I may just begin to add into my logs what I have done for that day.  It means a lot to me to hear some advice and I appreciate you taking the time to respond.  Best of luck to you friend. Speak to you soon.
Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: BailHopper on November 15, 2015, 04:15:01 PM
It means a lot to me to hear some advice and I appreciate you taking the time to respond.  Best of luck to you friend. Speak to you soon.
No problem. Do you have a journal as well on this website?


Day 35: today, I almost relapsed. It was subtle. It was quick. And I was watching before I even realized what was happening. I don't really know what triggered me.
But I do think I know what started me down this path again. Last Wednesday, I started using the dating app Tinder again to see if I could connect to someone for some non-sexual fun (rewiring you know). By Friday, I was using the app so extensively, that it was interfering with my work. I took action on Saturday, by staying away from the app. I felt an urge to check the app the entire day today, which was annoying. At some point, I did, and suddenly, I was also looking at a website for escort services.

It felt wrong to watch, and I felt the immense surge of good feelings that I used to know when watching porn. I managed to close it and walk away and that was the end of it. But damn, this addiction is sly. I don't even know why I started watching, only that all of a sudden, I was watching.

Went for a family visit after that, and left my smartphone at home, to make sure I didn't get any more urges. Spending some time away from my smartphone seems beneficial.

Today, I also noticed that something had changed again in my general view of women. I quit porn almost three months ago, with a few relapses along the way. One of the subtler changes I noticed was that I started gaining more respect for women as a whole, not just as sexual objects. Today, when I was swiping on Tinder, I actually objectified every pretty girl I saw. I heard my own thoughts and knew they were wrong. For a moment, it seemed like any progress I had made during the last few months had been for naught. Only this time, I also realized that the thoughts I was having were wrong. I pushed them down and stopped using the app. Thinking like this is not OK!

Today, I also started down a new path where I will try to stay away from the Internet more. A porn addiction is also an internet addiction. The internet is full of novelty wherever you look, even on this forum. I don't feel this would do me any good. I will keep posting daily in my journal.
Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: BailHopper on November 16, 2015, 03:21:57 AM
Day 36: Today I started off pretty motivated. Set my alarm clock pretty early, maybe too early. What I did was, I switched it off, and read a few pages on my bed until I felt I had really woken up. After that, I checked my OkCupid profile (it's a dating site), and saw that I had received some likes. I read some biographies of girls, and decided to message two who were living near me for a chat. Strange, this is the first time I actually felt up to taking the initiative and talking to a girl. Even if it's online, it still feels like a big step for me. Glad I could take it. We'll see what comes out of it.

During the day I noticed something completely new. I was horny as hell for a period. If any woman would have wanted to hook up at that time, I'm very sure I could have performed admirably. That was a very strange feeling. Not just an erection, but actual arousal as well (higher blood pressure, that feeling you get in your gut when you want something/someone, the tunnel vision that accompanies it so you can only see your interest and nothing else, ...)
Hello, libido. It's been a while since we last met.
Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: mindfulmike on November 16, 2015, 06:52:03 AM
Good luck with OKCupid, BailHope. I tried it a few years ago, and at first I was afraid of taking that initiative, but after awhile I must have got desensitized to it because I ended up sending hundreds of messages

Ended up getting 1 date, and 3 numbers, so not the best success ratio. You will probably do better because you seem more well-established than I was when I tried it, and women like that security

But yes, it can be addicting, especially when you think you're really connecting with someone and you're eagerly awaiting their next reply. Pure torture. Yes, it's probably just better to walk away from the internet completely at that point so you don't even have the option to check. If you can do that, because it can be tricky if you have work to do that requires a computer

I ended up setting up a complicated setup to try to conquer that addiction: an internet machine in one room (which was uncomfortable to use), and an offline machine in the other room (very comfortable). That might have worked for some things, but I ended up needing to use the internet so much that my offline machine eventually became another online machine. The best method seems to be self-discipline or having something better to do than checking your profile and then actively steering yourself in that positive direction
Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: BailHopper on November 16, 2015, 07:02:38 AM
To help you walk away from the internet, you can install a timed power switch near your internet's router or something. I have. It shuts off after 10 p.m. And it only turns at something like 5 p.m. That gives me a window to do what I need to do on the internet, and still reserve time for other stuff outside of this window. Especially during the weekends this has proven to be very beneficial!

I remember, when I just installed the power switch, I would constantly fill up that entire 5 hour period with internet (ab)use. Now, I hardly even use that window anymore and do other things. The 5 hour time window has even become too long. I like it.
Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: mindfulmike on November 16, 2015, 08:49:03 AM
That's even better. I don't think I could totally lock myself out for any period of time, but it sounds like an effective strategy for someone who doesn't need the internet very often
Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: BailHopper on November 16, 2015, 09:00:00 AM
You can lock yourself out if you have plenty of other things to do (reading books, going to the gym, ...). Stuff that you can even do on the week-ends, which is when most of my binging happened.

If you find you still need the internet, the timer power switch is great. If you have homework to do, the switch will motivate you to keep working and not look up porn, because the internet will be gone soon and you really need to finish your homework.

Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: mindfulmike on November 16, 2015, 11:34:39 AM
Yes, good point

At this point, I know my triggers well enough that I don't even allow myself to do anything that's compelling enough to destroy me. But if someone wants balance in their life, in this crazy technological world, then yeah, it might be necessary to have some sort of complicated system to achieve that. Either that or supernatural levels of self-discipline :P
Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: BailHopper on November 17, 2015, 04:46:45 AM
Day 37: Today, I MO'ed, which was not planned. I woke up about an hour before my alarm clock and man, I was horny. I can remember that I had a really vivid dream about a girl I know in real life. When I woke up, I already had a full erection and I just couldn't help myself. In just a few strokes, I had worked myself to an orgasm.
Strange, the orgasm wasn't intense at all. I didn't feel on a "high" afterwards either. But I digress. It shouldn't have happened.

I've added a new counter to my profile, so I can count my masturbational habits as well, seeing as the first one I only use to count the number of days without watching any porn. I had gotten up to 18 days without any form of masturbation or orgasm. I need to beat that time. My next goal is to make it to 30 days without any form of masturbation or orgasm.

Strange though. If you would have told me a month ago that I would go for 18 days without masturbating, I would have called you a crazy git! I was pretty amazed I had gotten that far. Too bad that I can start over now. I'm pretty mad at myself for allowing it and not having the willpower to stop.

In the meantime, my reboot continues.
Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: BailHopper on November 18, 2015, 04:02:34 AM
Day 38: Today, I noticed once more that I had trouble getting out of bed.
Yesterday, I started taking Magnesium and Vitamin D3 after reading some good reviews about it on forums. It can't hurt, so why not, right?

That means I'm now taking:

Also, this is my first full day (again) of no PMO. My goal is still to make it to at least 30 days. My previous record is 18 days.
Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: mike510 on November 18, 2015, 04:50:35 AM
Good shit bro...keep it up..porn is not an option anymore. I kinda went through the same situation as you with your ex girlfriend so don't feel bad..if a girl is there for the good an not the the bad then that's a person u don't want around... stay strong bro..we all have 2 have a successful reboot
Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: Crow-Magnon on November 18, 2015, 09:27:02 AM
BailHope,

Mornings are difficult for us as our T-levels build up over night as we sleep and as a result we wake up feeling particularly horny at times.  Because of this a prudent habit to establish is to take a quick cold shower immediately upon waking up, no excuses, no lingering in bed, just getting up and getting in the shower.  At first it is difficult but with time it becomes almost something to look forward to.  Do what you will with this info, I hope it helps in some way. 

Best,
Crow-Magnon
Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: BailHopper on November 18, 2015, 09:29:08 AM
Mornings are difficult for us as our T-levels build up over night as we sleep and as a result we wake up feeling particularly horny at times.  Because of this a prudent habit to establish is to take a quick cold shower immediately upon waking up, no excuses, no lingering in bed, just getting up and getting in the shower.  At first it is difficult but with time it becomes almost something to look forward to.  Do what you will with this info, I hope it helps in some way. 

Thanks for the tip. I'll see what I can do what that information. Trying it out tomorrow for starters!
Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: BailHopper on November 19, 2015, 04:38:07 AM
Day 39: Today I didn't end up taking a cold shower, because I overslept. Apparently I had forgotten to set my alarm clock. This allowed me to sleep until I woke up naturally. Today, I feel great, rested. Energetic.

I had a terrific workout yesterday. Seeing as the last few times, I did not experience any sore muscles the day after the workout, I decided to up my game and increase the weights I've been using. The workout was very tiring, much more than usual, but it felt great. After the workout both my arms and legs were really tired.
Today I again, woke up, without any sore muscles. I can feel I did a workout though, because my arms are still a bit heavy, as if they haven't fully recovered yet, but no soreness or muscle aches.
I gotta admit, I used to have sore muscles for three days after any workout and even cycling to and from work every day was very tiring. Now it seems my body can take more.

I think this is the effect of the Acetyl L-Carnitine I've been taking. It's supposed to clear up and heal your androgen receptors in your body. Those are located in your brain and also in your muscles. I've started taking them after I read that binging or masturbating to satiation can block or damage those receptors in your brain. Never thought they'd have an effect on my muscles as well, but there you have it  :)
Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: terranmarine on November 19, 2015, 05:59:26 PM
wow, you gave me hope it.could be done! thanks  :)
Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: BailHopper on November 20, 2015, 04:39:31 AM
Today, I finally started on Day 40 of no porn and no PMO. It's exhilarating to see how far I've come.

It's also quite frightening to see that I'm starting to fall back into old habits. And it's happening ever so slightly that it creeped up on me without me realizing it.
Each morning, I get out of my bed to turn off my alarm clock. But I can't seem to stop myself from getting back into bed. Quite annoying. I need to build up more discipline in this area. I only M when I get back into bed, so I really need to stop doing that.
Also, I've spent the last two weeks away from the television and away from the internet as much as I can. And yet, the last few nights I have sat down again in front of the television to watch a series I've been following instead of doing something else, like getting a good night's sleep.
I feel this is not contributing and is leading me back to my old habits.

Anyway, during the last 40 days, I only O'ed twice. For my usual habits (at least once a day) that's actually pretty good and I'm proud of myself for accomplishing this. Also, during these days, I haven't had a single urge to look at porn. It is no longer a part of my life.

Also, I installed an Android app called "Calm" which offers meditation exercises to calm the mind. I've been doing these exercises five minutes at a time, for the last two days now. Every time, I do feel a lot more calm after the meditation, which is nice.

wow, you gave me hope it.could be done! thanks  :)
Thanks. You can definitely do it. You can accomplish anything you want to if you just have the right mindset!
Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: mindfulmike on November 20, 2015, 07:15:11 AM
Agreed, that's a massive reduction. On the last forum I was on, some people found the spreadsheet approach more helpful than the counter approach. It seems that they were more focused on building healthy habits compared to perfect habits because realistically it is probably not a big deal to let loose a couple times in 40 days but you only realize this if you look at the larger context that a spreadsheet provides. But you seem to realize that already, unlike many others who enter the downward spiral after any sort of misstep. You're staying strong despite that, and that's probably one of the best habits you can have in conquering this

As for waking up and staying up, I used to use a system similar to yours back in college. There were two alarms: one near my bed and one on the first floor, and there was a short lag between the alarms so I had just enough time to get out of bed and get to the first floor before that alarm went off and disturbed other people

This worked very well on weekdays when I had class, not so much on weekends that lacked a clear purpose. On weekends I would go back to bed after turning off both alarms

These days I just use one alarm but I only get out of bed when I'm ready. Sometimes the alarm sounds for 10 minutes or more. That's ok. I let it do it's thing. Because when I am out of bed, I am out of bed. I don't allow myself to get back in bed once I am out. This system has been extremely effective. Perfect, in fact. But it might require a pleasant/gentle-waking alarm - I use a Philips Wake-up Light which has nature sounds that ramp up in intensity over time :)
Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: BailHopper on November 21, 2015, 08:40:08 AM
Day 41: I started off the day with getting out of bed when I was actually awake. No alarm clocks, just sleeping until I woke up naturally. I had an uneasy night. I must have been dreaming about something, but for the life of me, I can't remember what.
That said, today I awoke without any morning wood. A shame, but the recovery has its ups and downs, I suppose.

Tomorrow, I have a female friend coming over to spend some time with. It's actually an ex-girlfriend of mine, but I don't think anything will happen. We're trying to stay friends. But still, looking forward to it!

Also, I don't really know why, but I opened up one of my favorite porn sites today. I just looked at it and ... it disgusted me. I have no idea why I would get so turned on at these kinds of things in the past. It's not real. Having experienced the real thing recently, I have no cravings whatsoever for porn anymore. I closed the browser and went to do something else. I'm very proud of myself for this.

@mindfulmike:
Yup, I do tend to see the overall picture more. That's a pitfall too, as well though. Because the last time I MO'd, I thought to myself: "Well, it's almost been twenty days. What's the harm?"
Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: BailHopper on November 22, 2015, 02:35:36 PM
Day 42: Today I met up with a female friend, who needed some comforting, because of troubles with her boyfriend. We spent some time talking, and some hugging happened as well to comfort her. Quite healthy for my rewiring, and I got to do some good along the way.
Unfortunately, I won't be seeing this girl again, as she confronted me with the fact that we still have feelings for each other, and she really wants to make it work with her boyfriend, so she said she had to terminate the friendship, so it wouldn't get in the way.
It's too bad, and I'll miss her, but I suppose I understand why she had to do what she did.

Anyway, I continue my reboot journey and my no MO journey as well. I'm 42 days in without any form of porn and it's been 5 days since my last O. Keep on truckin'.
Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: BailHopper on November 23, 2015, 04:22:46 AM
Day 43: Well ... f*ck.
Today I'll be resetting my MO counter once again. I have no one to blame but myself. I lasted 6 days.

Yesterday, I met up with this girl, and for some reason (knowing her, and knowing our history), I suspected that there was a good chance of having sex. So during the day I took some Cialis and some Horny Goat Weed to make sure that if the occasion should arise, I could perform adequately. The occasion never did arise (see my previous post for details).
But what I did get was an incredible horny night, with not a lot of sleep, and this morning I caved.
I have no one to blame but myself for this.

Still, I didn't resort to porn or porn fantasies and didn't employ death grip. I suppose that's something.
Today, I seem to lack motivation again. I'm beginning to suspect this has something to do with the O's. Last time I experienced a few days without any motivation, was after an O as well.
Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: BailHopper on November 24, 2015, 03:03:37 AM
Day 44: and today I'll be resetting my MO counter once again. I have no idea what's happening, but I keep waking up in the night, horny as hell. I must be dreaming about something, and then wake up I suppose, but it's annoying. At these moments I seem to have little to no self control what happens. So far, I have always been able to keep in control of my urges to some extent, but now it seemed like I had no control at all.
I'm hoping I can blame this on the dose of Horny Goat Weed I took yesterday, so that this will disappear today or maybe tomorrow.

Lesson learned: don't take Horny Goat Weed if you're not 100% sure you are going to have sex.
Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: Diesel driver on November 24, 2015, 01:24:17 PM
When it comes to sex, I believe it is best to be as flexible as possible. More enjoyment less frustration.
Thus I'm not a fan of libido/ erection boosters. I would prefer multivatimins, zinc etc. that are supposed to give back the nutrients you lost during your PMO career to you.

I know how it is to wake up in the night super horny. I believe our brains attempt to cause a wet dream but the assets are missing (maybe dopamine but noone knows exactly).
If you're interested you can check out my journal here: http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=6705.0. I had this two times I think. Ironically I relapsed after a succesful wet dream, the circumstances were very awkward.

Anyway it shows some serious progress. But I recommend you quit MO as well. It makes you more resistant during these difficult situations.

Cheers!
Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: BailHopper on November 25, 2015, 03:59:53 AM
@Diesel driver: I completely agree about the MO part. It's my goal to stop for thirty days. My maximum so far has been 18 days though. So I have some ways to go on that regards. Still, today I didn't MO, whoohoo!
Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: BailHopper on November 25, 2015, 05:20:57 AM
Day 45: Today I complete the first half of my no PMO challenge. Let me tell you, it's been a ride.

Not because it's difficult. But because it isn't. I made appropriate changes in my life, took up some new hobbies and ways to pass my time. I have hardly experienced any urges at all since starting this. No relapses into PMO at all. There was one time I opened up a browser and typed in my (used to be) favorite porn site. I looked at the images ... and it disgusted me. I could no longer fathom why I would have ever masturbated to such things.
This points out to me that I have achieved quite the change of mindset in the last 45 days. I'm pretty proud of myself.

But also, the fact that I didn't have any urges at all, seems to point out that I was never a real addict of porn either. I see a lot of people posting on this site who have real problems with staying away from porn, while I don't.
I definitely had PIED though, and I still do, but without the real addiction part, it seems.

Which is nice, I suppose. One less obstacle to worry about.

I do feel like I have a masturbatory problem. I haven't been able to go more than 18 days without MO and I am a bit disappointed in myself with this. Of course, looking at the big picture, 18 days is quite a lot. Especially coming from at least once a day. In the last 45 days, I have achieved 4 orgasms. Without a change of habit, that would have been at least 45 orgasms, so it is quite a massive change.
But still, urges to masturbate are becoming more frequent now, sometimes waking up in the middle of the night, horny as hell. Sometimes finding it triggering to watch a tv show which includes a (graphic) sex scene (like Game of Thrones). I resist those triggers pretty well, but I can feel their pull while I'm sitting on my couch quite strongly.
So far I haven't given into those triggers, but it is something that seems to be far more triggering for me than actual porn.

In any case, I've had a few occurrences of real arousal during the day that I find quite exhilarating because I can't even remember the last time I actually got aroused by the prospect of seeing some girl, or even hugging a bit could set me off a bit. For me, this does imply that things are changing.

If I had to guess, I'd say my biggest problem wasn't exactly the porn watching, but it was more the death grip masturbation that I was definitely employing. My sensitivity seems to have returned somewhat so far. I'm interested in seeing how far I can take this and how long it will take me to regain full sensitivity. I'm hopeful.
Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: BailHopper on November 26, 2015, 05:34:35 AM
Day 46: I can hardly believe it myself, but I'm resetting my MO counter once again, after one day free of MO. This is very strange. I went for so long without any MO, and now it seems I'm horny as hell when I wake up and have little to no self control.

I'm starting to really get demotivated by this. I guess I need to return to educate myself daily by reading on yourbrainonporn.com like I used to do in the beginning. When I was really convinced that it was for the best, I was able to stay away from masturbation completely, but now it seems I'm wavering. I hope I'll get back on track.
Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: BailHopper on November 27, 2015, 03:05:37 AM
Day 47: woohoo. I got out of bed this morning without a problem. I'm feeling very motivated to start my day. I took a shower this morning and was forced to take a cold shower in the end, because our building had run out of hot water. Man, that was a wake up call.

Today, no MO or urge to either. I'm feeling great!
Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: BailHopper on November 28, 2015, 10:30:11 AM
Day 48 of no PMO. Feeling great. Got out of bed ok. Had a bit of a slow day, but that's fine. Again, today I experienced an urge to open up my favorite porn website. This is strange because in the last 48 days, I hardly had any of these urges, but they are coming up now. I opened the tab, and closed it again without doing anything. I am stronger than this.

Tonight, I will be going out with friends. I'll make sure to go easy on the alcohol so I don't relapse in the morning because I feel like this is a dangerous time. But I remain committed to stop the porn and masturbation.
Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: BailHopper on November 29, 2015, 04:24:58 AM
Day 49: noticed something strange today. I opened a browser window and opened an incognito screen to do some searching that I don't want to have affiliated with my Google account (nothing porn or anything like that). And as soon as the incognito window opened up, I had the urge to type in one of my porn sites that I used to frequent daily. The idea just came out of nowhere, as if an incognito screen and porn go hand in hand. Strange.
Anyway, I didn't do it, so yay me!

Today is day three without the MO again. Slowly building it back up. My last record was 18 days without any MO. I'm doing everything I can to beat this record. I got out of bed okay today. I woke up like five minutes before my alarm clock rang. No morning wood, but that's okay. It'll come back eventually I suppose.

I'm finding it easier and easier to get aroused by simple (non porn related) things. I'm almost 50 days into my reboot, so I guess something should be happening around this time. It's nice to see that I don't need hardcore porn thoughts anymore to arouse me.

Met a nice girl, let's call her Sophie. She was a nice chat and we seem to be compatible in some ways. I like that. I'm going to ask her out today and see how that goes.
Asking a girl out actually really falls outside of my comfort zone, so I'm a bit nervous about it, but I'm sure that it's something I want to do. So let's do it and see what happens :)
Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: BailHopper on November 30, 2015, 03:41:33 AM
Day 50: actually feels more like a milestone than the 45th day, to be honest. But yes, I've made it this far!

Got out of bed today on time, I feel great, energized. Yesterday I started writing a story that's been in my head for ages. For some reason, each time I tried to write it down, I experienced writer's block almost immediately - the inspiration just stopped for some reason. Now I seem to be able to write again. I wonder if it's the brain fog that is finally lifting that is allowing me this. I used to stop at something simple like a name for my main character, or I'd stop at the first road block ("How will the main character tackle this?") and now the ideas just popped into my head and kept popping. Very refreshing!

Sophie, the girl I met recently, actually agreed to go out with me (much to my surprise). This feels great and is also a great motivator to keep going with the no MO and no PMO as well.
Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: Diesel driver on November 30, 2015, 04:52:46 AM
I knew someone who wrote articles for newspapers and whenever she had writer's block she would buy a bus ticket and go for a ride. Just to kill some time and then return to work.  I'm sure you can find your own method on how to overcome it. It might also be porn withdrawal.

Good luck with the girl!

Cheers!
Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: Christian on December 01, 2015, 02:05:40 AM
Congratulations on the 50 days Bail! It sounds like things are going great, the journal posts have been good too.

When I experience writers or artists block, I take a small break where I don't think about what I'm working on at all. Getting a "Fresh start" has given me a lot of success in writing classes. I also go back and make small improvements on things I've already written; its always easier to get the juices flowing with something your familiar with than trying to continue a brand new story. A "Refresher". And nice job on getting the date!

Christian
Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: BailHopper on December 01, 2015, 04:09:46 PM
Day 51: f*ckitty f*ck f*ck. I had a terrible night. I was dreaming about something and I kept waking up. Every time I woke up, I had serious wood. I didn't do anything with it, until this morning. I felt so drained of energy and willpower, and I gave in by masturbating. I didn't use porn and I did it without using death grip masturbation, so I guess that's something. But it is the third time I will have reset my MO counter, and it's getting quite annoying.

I've spent the day looking at what I do from day to day, to try and decide if there's maybe something I'm doing wrong. I've decided to cut OkCupid and Tinder from my life for the time being. I have noticed that sometimes, I can get quite aroused looking at all the pictures and browsing through the profiles. I guess it's a form of artificial stimulation for me. So I'm cutting it out of my life.

At my first attempt of no MO, I didn't have these, and I lasted for 18 days, so I might be on to something I suppose.

In the past, I reported feeling a sort of brain fog from time to time. I believe this is to do with the orgasms. I felt it this morning after I had masturbated again. I cycled to work and was hit with a good deal of really cold rain, after which it disappeared again. The rain kinda felt like a cold shower feels, so that might have something to do with the absence of the brain fog right now.
Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: freedom2015 on December 02, 2015, 06:16:30 PM
Hey there BailHopper, I'm sorry you have had a rough day brother.  I know the feeling for sure.  I'm glad you aren't beating yourself up too much and you are rather analyzing what may have hindered your progress.  Something I found kind of interesting is that you mentioned you were having some good things happen in your life and that you were feeling pretty good.  These are the HARDEST times for me.  Yesterday, one of the main professors in my college complimented me and said I had a bright future, and it literally almost made me relapse.  I feel okay handling the hard times, when I am stressed and such, but because I have used porn at all times of my life not just the bad times, it is very easy for happiness to trigger urges to masturbate and look at porn.  Maybe you are in the same boat, so I am not being really cautious when things are going well for me because I know I haven't combated a lot of urges when I feel like things are going well.
Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: BailHopper on December 05, 2015, 03:58:30 PM
Day 4 of my second reboot. Also day 4 of no MO.

I'm finding it is once again difficult to quit masturbation. Staying away from porn is again no problem. I was at home an entire day today, and I did not have one urge to start watching porn. I did have the urge to masturbate as soon as I woke up this morning, as I do every day. But I managed not to do it so far. Let's hope this continues.
My goal is to achieve at least 20 days without any orgasm. That would be a new record for me. And if I can, I will try to make it to the end of december without any form of orgasm. I'm very curious if I will make it.
Masturbation is a choice. I need to remind myself of this. Masturbation is a choice. And I can choose not to.
Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: BailHopper on December 09, 2015, 08:19:10 AM
Day 2 of no PMO and day 7 of my second reboot. Going great so far, I suppose. My goal is to make it at least until Christmas without any O's at all. This is proving to be quite a challenge for me. Today I had to get out of bed on willpower alone because I really didn't feel like it. But I got out okay thanks to the alarm clock ringing on a different floor from mine. Still, it was very tempting to get back into bed when I had turned it off. But I did it.
Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: mindfulmike on December 10, 2015, 07:06:01 AM
BailHopper,

Good to see you're back on the warpath again. Keep fighting strong!

Based on what most people seem to experience (myself included), the first two weeks are the hardest. But that should be motivating, not demoralizing, because once you get to Christmas, it will be that must easier to go beyond Christmas. It will be your Christmas present to yourself. But only if that's what you want, because it is only good to go for goals that you feel good about. If you feel good about getting to Christmas, and you feel confident in your ability to do so - so confident that you expect to get there - you will be more likely to achieve that goal. This sort of belief-based psychology is talked about in the book "Awaken the Giant Within"

I also read another book recently, "The Selfish Gene", and that has another anecdote that may inspire you. In it, there is talk of dominance hierarchies. The question is: why don't animals go all out when they fight for dominance? Apparently, it is only in rare circumstances that they end up killing each other, so surely one or both is holding back their true power...

It turns out that crickets (and possibly other animals as well) have a system for holding back power. If a cricket loses its first fight, it will mark itself as "loser cricket" and it will then lose most of its fights throughout its lifetime. If it wins, it will be a "winner cricket" and it will be more likely to win fights. Whether or not this applies to humans is uncertain, but I think there may be truth to in in the way it applies to human psychology and specifically the belief systems we place on each other. Basically, by believing that you're a winner, destiny will be on your side. And by going 50+ days no PMO, 18 days no MO, you already have the statistics to show that you're stronger than most of the people on this website, and the statistics will only be further in your favor the further you go at this

Hope that helps, you got this :)
Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: BailHopper on December 16, 2015, 03:54:09 AM
So yeah, I disappeared for a while, due to life and other arrangements. Some friends took me out for a small week of Amsterdam to go see Florence and the Machine live. It was awesome!

But unfortunately, after this morning, I can reset my MO counter again. Made it up to 3 days before resetting.

Thanks mindfulmike for your post. You're right. The first two weeks are hell. I remember how much easier it became after the first two weeks. Not easy mind you, but easier.
I'm thinking of switching it up some more to really cut old habits short by moving my bed somewhere else, or sleeping downstairs on the couch instead of on my comfy bed. Maybe that helps to avoid the MO, I don't know.

On a positive note, that female that walked out of my life - let's call her Karen - walked right back in my life just yesterday. Mind you, last time she walked out it was because she couldn't handle what was going on sexually (= my inability to have sex with her like a normal man could), so I'm not overall excited that she still seems interested in me, but I'm interested in finding out where it goes.
Title: Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
Post by: mindfulmike on December 16, 2015, 06:51:38 AM
Glad to have you back, BailHopper :)

A new environment can make things feel fresh. It seems that the brain is so complicated that it connects different concepts to different places in space, so if you mix up your environment you may be able to mix up your habits. At least to some degree - even if it is only a small degree, that can make a huge difference if you combine it with other strategies