Reboot Nation

Journals => Ages 20-29 => Topic started by: gooutside on August 16, 2015, 06:45:35 AM

Title: Starting Again
Post by: gooutside on August 16, 2015, 06:45:35 AM
So, I had another topic already on this site (26 m was it's name). I thought it would be good for me to start a fresh one, give myself some new hope.

I haven't PMO'd for a long time, not for about 100 days or so. But I have edged repeatedly, watching P for as long as two hours without touching myself. This activity is still really problematic for me and is something I want to stop. Although I am proud of myself for not PMOing for a long time I really want to become P free.

My new plan is to aim for 90 days without any P at all, but let myself MO without any artificial stimulus. Not a lot, just once every 2 weeks, to relieve the pressure. I find that after about 2 weeks I start to become very curious about looking at certain websites and I inevitably end up looking at porn. What do you guys think? Is it a cop out to M every 2 weeks? I feel like it will give me a more realistic chance of becoming free from my porn addiction. I also think that M without artificial stimulus can be a healthy part of a balanced sex life. I am aware that at the moment, masturbation is still highly linked with guilt and shame in my mind, but I think if I just focus on the sensations and don't fantasise about anything porn related I will feel ok about it afterwards. Anyway, I'll let you know in 2 weeks. I might have the same old anxiety and guilt after just M'ing. We'll see.

Here's to a porn free future
Title: Re: Starting Again
Post by: cknfella on August 16, 2015, 07:59:35 AM
Hey man - same boat here.  Edged earlier this week.  Let's kill this thing!

I really would encourage doing a full re-boot.  No M for right now.  A full reboot would be more purifying for your mind, and undoubtedly your M-time is intrinsically linked to all the porn.

I'll be following your journey
Title: Re: Starting Again
Post by: gooutside on September 14, 2015, 08:03:53 AM
Fucked up. No waves of anxiety or guilt yet but I'm sure they'll arrive. Big cold empty waves. First time I PMO'd in about a year. Fuck, this is difficult. What's important is that I don't regress again. So, back to a strict internet regime. 1 hour a day maximum. Meditation at the start of the day. I've fallen, but I will rise again. Aah here comes the depression. If anyone is reading this and they're trying to resist, I implore you to listen to your higher nature.
Title: Re: Starting Again
Post by: mtaha2015 on September 14, 2015, 08:38:48 AM
Downfall before rise.
Get stronger again.
Let depression go away itself
Title: Re: Starting Again
Post by: gooutside on September 14, 2015, 11:49:42 AM
Thanks for the reply mtaha2015, it's always good to know people read these things

Depression is maybe too strong a word, I know it will end in a couple of days
Title: Re: Starting Again
Post by: heisenberg on September 14, 2015, 01:43:28 PM
Hey Gooutside,

Ive also been struggling with relapses.  So im there with you.   Keep trying and dont stop.  I will too.

Title: Re: Starting Again
Post by: gooutside on September 17, 2015, 11:55:18 PM
Hey guys,

It occurred to me that I often come on here when things aren't going well which only gives a negative perspective on my journey with the reboot. I have had lots of positives in the past year largely thanks to this supportive forum.

Discounting my last relapse I didn't PMO for almost a year. I looked at porn maybe four times in that year. This is quite a feat for me, before joining rebootnation it was much more common.

In the past year I've hooked up with more girls than all of the years preceding combined. Not that more is better, or that this is necessarily a lot, but it gives you an idea of the change in my comfort with sex. I've had less social anxiety and better relationships generally.

So although I'm upset with myself for the relapse a few days ago, I'm also proud that it was just once and will hopefully be the last time I look at porn (at least for 90 days!).
Title: Re: Starting Again
Post by: asteptolife on September 18, 2015, 12:08:35 AM
If you ask me yours is one of the success stories already. For 100 days you stayed away from p. That's quite an achievement don't you think. Take that credit and compliment yourself for finding the determination. Things keep getting better from here. Because you've already known what a p free life promises.
Wish you the best. Keep going.
Title: Re: Starting Again
Post by: gooutside on November 10, 2015, 05:36:29 PM
I´ve been seeing a girl for the past couple of weeks and it´s been going well in every respect. After having sex one night she said
¨You never have a problem getting hard do you?¨
I chuckled quietly to myself knowing that I had spent months depressed and convinced that I would never have another erection.

Keep going, I assure you, it's worth it. It's hard to know exactly what love is, but I think I might be able to find out now, without the burden of my addiction to porn.

And yet, the temptation to look at porn is still real, and one that I continue to fight. I fight all the better knowing that my reward is significantly increasing my chance of experiencing love in this one life I have to live.