Reboot Nation

Journals => Ages 30-39 => Topic started by: Lost Druid on August 14, 2015, 01:56:09 PM

Title: Rock Bottom
Post by: Lost Druid on August 14, 2015, 01:56:09 PM
I am a porn addict.... Here it goes, if I can't let it all out I'm never gonna get better.... My cycle always starts the same. I look at images. Then that's not enough so I move to videos, sooner or later that's not enough and I seek out people to sext with. My behavior has caused a huge rift in my marriage, one I'm not sure that I'll ever be able to mend. The guilt I feel when I watch causes me to push my wife away and I would feel lonely, the more lonely I feel the more I wanna look at porn. I have hurt her so much that she has turned to someone else to make her feel alive. We haven't seperated, I feel that I pushed her to where she is and demanding her to stop seeing him would only cause the rift to widen. I am here to help myself and to become a man worthy of her love. I feel so lost and alone right now. I have been considering suicide as well but I'll never get better if I give up like that. I need help.
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Lost Druid on August 15, 2015, 01:05:23 AM
Nearly a full 24 hours here and I feel so alone. My wife is dividing her time not so event between her friends, her "friend" and what little is left over with me. I am not pushing her because she said she needs space to think. All I want is to have her hold me and tell me everything is all right. But its not and I know its gonna take time. I haven't slipped yet and do not plan to but its really hard right now with how lonely I feel.
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Philgood63 on August 15, 2015, 02:46:28 AM
Hey Lost Druid,

You're not alone if you hang out there on this forum, you know, plenty of us face same kind of issues ! As porn is not an option, suicide is not an option at all, the only option left for all of us is : becoming a better man, only THIS goal is worth it.

You're aware of the problem : that's half the way done ! You love your wife and want to regain her confidence, that's another part of the road. Now it's up to you, you have the will, the tools (on this site and YourBrainOnPorn, if you still have not looked at it), I'm sure you have the strength inside you (otherwise you would not be here, right ?) so... let's do it my friend. It's hard to begin (it took me more than a year to withstand more than 2 weeks without PMO !) but every step makes you better.

Give yourself this chance, do not stay alone, read the threads on this forum, find inspiration, ideas, strength, write your feelings, your doubts, your progress, and you will do it. Take care.
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Lost Druid on August 15, 2015, 03:22:17 AM
I just spend nearly an hour on the phone with a close friend. I was at the breaking point and chose instead of porn reach out. He and I haven't really been close in years and I didnt know what to expect at 3:30 am. Be he was there for me. I avoided falling into a destructive pattern again with some help. After our talk I'm feeling a little stronger. I'm still feeling very low but I still have a glimmer of hope.
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Lost Druid on August 15, 2015, 03:33:47 AM
Philgood63
Thanks for the support. I can't tell you how much it means to me. Things are dark right now but I have hope. That's what what is keeping me going right now. I'm kinda surprised how easy it was too start sharing with complete strangers. I think I'm gonna start writing again. I use to be a fair poet but words in general, in print, have always come easy to me. I think I'll write a letter to my old "dealer" telling them how I don't want or need them anymore, and suggest like alachol and gambling they share a link, for those looking to break porns grip, to this site. I know I'm new here but less than 24 hours and already I've been offered words of encouragement. I will keep up with this site and my brother and sisters in recovery.
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Lost Druid on August 15, 2015, 03:58:39 AM
My wepon is my pen.
My adversary, my demon.
If now is not the time to fight then when?

I have dawned my armor, and have my boots tied tight.
The road to recovery starts with a single step.
My faith gives me strength, and guides me through the night.

Demon mine, you will fall beneath my sword.
I do not want you here.
Over your corpse, and to my future I will walk toward.

My first attempt at getting back to wrighting I hope it strikes someone.
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Bango Skank on August 15, 2015, 08:36:15 AM
Taking time over lunch and happened to read through your story and I feel for you fella. I can't put it any better than Phil did though.

I love the poem, empowering and confident, which are exactly the kind of feelings you need to banish first the henchman which is guilt, and then move on to the main culprit, the addiction. I'm going to think about your poem this week when I get cravings...

We need to boot addiction out of our lives. Kick it's arse right out the door and take back what is ours. Better still, give it the business end of that sword of yours on the way out! I felt like getting that off my chest as it makes me angry to think of this little troll (for me the word demon is too flattering) inside each of our minds making us do this to ourselves. Anthropomorphising the problem (please don't laugh if I murdered that word) is a great way I find of steeling myself for a long hard fight, a secular version of the ever popular faith vs. Satan business I suppose.

All the best to you and keep posting. I know you/we can all do this.
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: conquista on August 15, 2015, 09:12:18 AM
Much respect for sharing your story, and as you've seen we're all struggling & this is how great men grow through struggle, it's a never easy bro but through struggle u'll become stronger & stronger

here a lil book wish to share with u

link
hitmansystem.com/files/KnightInRustyArmor.pdf

Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Lost Druid on August 15, 2015, 09:56:38 PM
Tonight is really tough. This is the first time I got to connect to unfiltered high speed internet since beginning my road to recovery. I took some advice from the most wonderful woman I know and turned up the music till I couldn't feel a fucking thing. I will not fail.
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Lost Druid on August 16, 2015, 06:34:14 AM
Just woke up to day 3. This is the worst I have felt yet. Staying strong because it's all I can do... I am worth more than this!
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Lost Druid on August 16, 2015, 07:21:06 AM
Music is life.

My friend sent me this song its or repeat right now.

Haste The Day - Stitches

Five words, five words is all it would take.
Five words to change your heart and mind.
In the heat of the sun I know you're the only one.
You still cant' hold yourself together.
Alone... Alone... All alone you have this conversation to satisfy your most intimate inner thoughts.
Then you bite your lip when it matters most.
A shade of red in sight.
Can you taste the blood?
Taste it on your lips.
Rip the seam.
Then I'll show you how the strings become the stitches in your mouth.
In your silence we are louder.
When the strings become the stitches in your mouth.
Your growing imagination preparing you for what your heart requires to say.
Then you bit your lip when it matters most.
A shade of red in sight.
Can you taste the blood? Taste it on your lips.
Rip the seam.
Then I'll show you how the strings become the stitches in your mouth.
In your silence we are louder.
When the strings become the stitches in your mouth.
Five words, repeating over in your head.
That's all you ever have to do.
Five words, repeating over in your head.
That's all you ever have to do.
Five words.
Is it really that hard to say you're worth more that this?
1) You're
2) worth
3) more
4) than
5) this.
Rip the seam.
Then I'll show you how the strings become the stitches in your mouth.
In you silence we are louder.
When the strings become the stitches in your mouth.

http://youtu.be/_vPdJoBMz6U
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Lost Druid on August 16, 2015, 08:00:11 AM
The "industry" would have us believe that they product is fine, there is nothing wrong with it. Web sites offer suggestion based on what you like. They are telling you to watch more... My response...

FUCK YOU I WOULDN'T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME!!
-Rage Against the Machine

Even the band name is relevant lol.
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Lost Druid on August 16, 2015, 08:15:20 AM
Music is life

Dropkicks Murphy
"The Warrior's Code"

You're the fighter you've got the fire
The spirit of a warrior, the champion's heart
You fight for your life because the fighter never quits
You make the most of the hand you're dealt
Because the quitter never wins
No!

You were born to box in a city that's seen their share
Mello, Ryan, Carney, among them your photo proudly hangs there
Above the bar in the Gaelic Club
They tell the story of a throwback
With the heart of a lion
They salute your glory

It's another murderous right
Another left hook from hell
A bloody war on the boardwalk
And the kid from Lowell rises to the bell

[Chorus:]
Micky
It's a warrior's code
Micky
He's got the warrior's soul

[Chorus]
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Lost Druid on August 16, 2015, 09:15:10 AM
Loud music, and fulfilment of tasks I neglected before has me feeling stronger. I still can't say I feel good about myself but I feel better.
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Lost Druid on August 16, 2015, 10:02:18 AM
Just got a quick workout in, nothing intence more just a good streach. Then did my hair and shaved. I neglected myself when I was using I want to take better care of me from here on in.

PS. the only reason I didn't brush my teeth is cause I'm drinking coffee... The only thing worse than drinking coffee after brushing your teeth is drinking orange juice lol.
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Lost Druid on August 16, 2015, 12:58:25 PM
IMPORTANT!!!!

Today for the first time in a very long time I can honestly say I feel good about me! I know I still have a long way to go before I'm where I wanna be but I feel good about me!  :'(  ;D  8)
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Bango Skank on August 16, 2015, 01:24:37 PM
IMPORTANT!!!!

Today for the first time in a very long time I can honestly say I feel good about me! I know I still have a long way to go before I'm where I wanna be but I feel good about me!  :'(  ;D  8)

EXCELLENT!!!!

Glad to hear it, life ain't so bad is it old boy :)
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Lost Druid on August 16, 2015, 02:38:39 PM
Thanks Bango. I still feel some type of way about what it cost me to get here but I will get through. Music man its fucking free therapy.
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Lost Druid on August 16, 2015, 06:19:46 PM
Having a moment right now that hurts so much... I just want to feel normal again... Problem is it's been so long I don't know what normal feels like anymore... My emotions are so all over the place right now its hard to breath... Thank the Goddess for the volume switch...
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Lost Druid on August 16, 2015, 10:45:51 PM
The dark is so close I can't stand it... I only have a little spark inside of me... If I give in and relaps the spark will die. I can't let that happen. The only chance I have to survive is to hold on to that spark, protect it, feed it and not my demon. Think it's time for a cold shower and sone meditation.
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Lost Druid on August 16, 2015, 11:08:11 PM
Fuck you darkness. Fuck you despair. Fuck you weakness. I have control over me not fucking you. Somewhere along the line you turned off my heart. Well guess fucking what I have turned it back on and I be damned if I'm gonna let you anywhere near it.
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Lost Druid on August 17, 2015, 05:29:47 AM
The woman I loved and betrayed and I are trying something new. I have taken my Forum name as my true name. And we are treating each other as friends just getting to know each other. I plan to make this change legally when I have the funds too... I asked my friend last night what she sees when she looks at me. Her response quited my demons and restored my revolve. I'm feeling a little selifish right now and want to keep these words to myself. I'm sorry I have shared everything so far but this is mine. I am strong. I am fierce.

It's time to exercise these demons, these mother fuckers doing Jumping Jacks now
-Eminem
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Lost Druid on August 17, 2015, 08:56:00 AM
I may have lost her as a wife and mate but I'm gaining a great friend.
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Lost Druid on August 17, 2015, 03:04:27 PM
Long day at work full of mixed emotions... Everything is too loud, too bright, and too real... I'm not use to this. This is the world I live in however and I will endure.
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Lost Druid on August 17, 2015, 03:17:41 PM
Time to make myself busy.
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Lost Druid on August 17, 2015, 06:10:21 PM
Time to make myself sleep. Can't get into trouble that way
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Lost Druid on August 17, 2015, 09:55:32 PM
Numb. No cravings, no nothing... I don't like this
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Lost Druid on August 17, 2015, 11:41:01 PM
I am free.
I don't need that fix.
I am free.
I control my mind.
I am free.
I reject your comfort.
I am free.
I decide what is good.
I am free.
I for the first time in a long time feel.
I am free.
I cherish my freedom.
I AM FREE!
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Lost Druid on August 18, 2015, 02:20:33 PM
I'm still alive. I'm still clean. I'm stronger than the urge to go numb. Feelings are a good... Painful but good. I hope one day she can look at me and not see Josh... only Leahm remains and I know that's gonna take time. I'm taking another step in about 2 hours. I'm calling my ex wife " the first wife " to come clean about the things we never talked about. I'm going to apologize and hope that she can forgive me, it might make it a little easier to forgive myself.
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Bango Skank on August 18, 2015, 04:31:25 PM
Funny I feel similar after 5 days, dull and detached. No cravings, no arousal, nothing. I expected to be bouncing off the walls about now, not flatlining.

Anyway, hope your phone call is a productive one...
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Lost Druid on August 18, 2015, 05:29:10 PM
Thanks Bango. Actually went really well at least in my eyes. She let go of the past a long time ago so I can now too. I don't pretend that is gonna fix my problems but I feel a certain level of peace.
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Lost Druid on August 18, 2015, 10:25:25 PM
My support group is growing by small degrees yet despite who hard I try the one person I really want standing with me lis having a hard time seeing me as Leahm. I know its new, and a huge change... and Josh hurt her baddly... I barely know her but I feel a closeness with her that has nothing to do with wanting to be with her. All I know is I want to count this woman as a friend. I talk to the Goddess every night now I think healing for Raven will one of the things I ask her for. Before I started my recovery I only thought about myself, continuing that during my recovery would be counter productive. After I ask for strength I think I'm gonna ask for light and blessing for those who are supporting me with this. I didn't have planned out what I was gonna say when I started writing its sort of just poring out of me. Well its late and I need some sleep before I face work tomorrow. Wish me luck brother/sisters.
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Lost Druid on August 18, 2015, 10:54:47 PM
Just wrote a letter to the person I use to be. I don't have the energy left to post it now. Tomorrow I'll do it. I need sleep. It felt good.
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Lost Druid on August 19, 2015, 02:49:08 PM
Time to name my blessings.

Brandon - my oldest friend, my brother if not in blood then in deed. Anyone who will sit on the phone with you while you ball your eyes out at 3:30 am is worthy of a title better than friend.

Momo - You barely know me but you took time to listen without judging me. You offered me advice and support and showed me kindness that was not required. Thank you.

Amanda - I didn't expect much from you when I called you to talk about some of the things we never talked about. You surprised me by opening your heart. Telling me you let go of the past and were willing to be my friend. Thank you.

Raven - You as much as anyone on this list deserve my thanks. You woke me up to my problem. You gave me everything and I pushed it till it broke. I see now that I had it all and I was careless to let it fall... I am very sorry for your hurt. Yet still you are there for me, I can only imagine how hard it is for you but you stick with it. You have been more than I ever could have hoped for. Thank you.
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Lost Druid on August 20, 2015, 09:42:02 PM
Been lots of us and downs. Haven't slept in days. Still haven't broken and don't plan to. Promise to get back to regular posts asap
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Bango Skank on August 21, 2015, 06:12:07 AM
With you all the way dude. Shows a lot of strength to open up to those you care about. I ain't told nobody yet. Although my Mrs knows something is different about me.
Strength and courage like that will get you through, I have no doubt.
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Lost Druid on August 21, 2015, 03:21:07 PM
Yeah man I didn't know what I was losing until I lost something huge. I wish I could take it all back I wish I could make the pain I caused go away... but I can't. I caused this. Yes porn is the problem but my choices are the cause. I spent last night with my kids that live with my first wife. As I said before I am still in shock that she is being supportive with this but very greatful that she is. I'm sure it's gonna cause all kinds of rumors and bullshit."he sayed with his ex wife..." But fuck um. I know the truth of the matter and so dose she. At one time she was my best and closest friend. We are far from those days now but as we talked and jokes I could almost feel that bond again. As with all the people I've hurt or pushed away I know its gonna take time to build up the trust again. I will not fail in this.
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Lost Druid on August 22, 2015, 05:46:31 PM
Been a down day today. Been focusing to much on what I've lost and not enough of what I might gain. My support group allbhave their own lives to live and I can expect them to be there for me 24/7. Just feeling really lonely. Nothing to be done for it but to keep going.
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Lost Druid on August 23, 2015, 01:40:45 PM
Got some things left unsaid, said. Moving forward not trusted but with open eyes upon me. As Richard Blane once said "I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship"

Casablanca 1942
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Lost Druid on August 24, 2015, 08:12:30 AM
I find myself thinking about what I've lost and where I am. I hate myself for what I lost, for the pain I've caused, for the woman I broke. But those choices are in my past, where they will remain. I can call the one I hurt most asside from myself of courses, a friend. If nothing else I am truly blessed to be able to do that. Even if nothing grows from our friendship I still intend to spend my life showing her, the others I've hurt, and myself that I am a better man then they have seen so far. For that to truely happen I must first forgive myself.

Lost Druid,

      I understand that everyone makes bad choices, you have made many. You have cost yourself, the future you had planned, and the woman you loved. You have pushed away friends and family, and missed out on being able to share g both joy and grief with others. You put yourself in a numb state and gave up on everything. Dispite all of that, I forgive you. Because you have chosen to stop your destructive behavior both to yourself and those around you, you have taken the first steps to becoming a real man. Someone who may one day even be trusted, someone who one day may even be loved. I forgive you because you are human, and we all make porlor choices. Move forward with your own pleasing. Be strong and take care of those you have neglected.
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Bango Skank on August 24, 2015, 03:09:04 PM
You seem to be beating up on yourself quite hard about it mate. Guilt I have found is painful and not terribly productive. Give yourself the respect you need to push forward and make a better future for yourself (and those around you).

I've got my own including why the fuck I didn't see this years ago. How PMO among other compulsions was keeping my marriage in a kind of drugged state and how different life might have been without it. I'm lucky to have what I have now, a large part through happy circumstance.

Don't berate yourself too much, your choices are half chance. So are everybody elses. - Mary Schmich.
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Lost Druid on August 24, 2015, 03:28:15 PM
Thanks again as always Bango. I need to remind myself of what this has cost me and forgive myself. I'm not the man I was when I started... I'll never be that man again. That fills me with both joy and hope.
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Lost Druid on August 26, 2015, 09:29:14 PM
Just hit a massive depression wall. I don't know what to think or feel right now. Haven't broken yet. Going to bed so I can behave myself.
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Lost Druid on August 27, 2015, 01:54:18 PM
Made 2 weeks today. Life is looking WAY up. Still have my moments but I'm very happy.
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Wolverine on August 27, 2015, 02:31:01 PM
Hay man

Good job two weeks! For me it was always the toughest time after two weeks, but it is a matter of proper mindset and daily routines, so remember to keep up wit your plan every single day, one day at the time.

Best of luck bro
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: PIED64 on August 27, 2015, 03:37:48 PM
Hey Druid,

Congrats on the 2 weeks milestone!  I made it there just shy of a week ago myself.  I continue to have my moments as well, not so much thinking about P or MO, but just generally feeling down from time to time.  Life is already so much better than it was 20 days ago.  I totally relate, life is looking up, keep looking up.

Earlier on I kept thinking, how could I not have realized what was causing the problems I was having.  At this point I have moved forward from those thoughts.  At the moment and going forward I am trying to keep my eyes on the prize.

In reading through your journal I found many things I relate to.  Stay the course, stick to your plan, one day at a time like Wolverine said.  Remember to celebrate your victories along the way!
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Bango Skank on August 28, 2015, 07:17:26 AM
Hey matey good work 2 weeks..! If you're anything like me it will start to get even better for you soon, fingers crossed. Seriously it's embracing the good things that will heal you more than rejecting the bad. Best wishes to you fella.
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Lost Druid on August 31, 2015, 09:28:22 PM
Been a few day. I'm still here and still strong. Been tested and proven my metal. I am tempered I am strong I am sharp.
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Bango Skank on September 01, 2015, 01:00:30 AM
Good to hear fro you. Keep posting and keep marching on.
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Lost Druid on September 03, 2015, 08:58:52 AM
Three weeks today. Wow. I can't remember the last time I went so long and felt so good.
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Wolverine on September 03, 2015, 01:59:03 PM
Good job man! Keep it like that.
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Lost Druid on September 04, 2015, 06:55:33 PM
Time for a real test... Girls night out for Raven... She's only been gone for a little while and I'm already feeling.... Not tempted but scared of becoming tempted... Gonna focus on my crafts and try not to notice that she's not here.... Just like a night at work... Goddess give me strength...
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Lost Druid on September 05, 2015, 10:07:34 PM
Survived the night and in pretty good form. Bring it on world let's see what you got!!!
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Lost Druid on September 07, 2015, 08:29:42 AM
Feeling really alone right now... I don't wanna say anything because I feel like I'm too needy. I don't wanna slip but I'm scared of pushing Raven away by holding her too tight.
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Lost Druid on September 07, 2015, 06:59:55 PM
Just one down day. Back on top of the world now. Fuck you addiction. You can't stop me.
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Lost Druid on September 12, 2015, 10:54:10 AM
30 Fucking days!!!! Not slowing down!!!! Making some major life changed outside of this. I feel better than I have in years.
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Bango Skank on September 12, 2015, 01:24:51 PM
Well done LD. I got nearly as far, breaking a month is an achievement you should be proud of.
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Lost Druid on September 12, 2015, 02:13:33 PM
I can't think of anything I've done I years that I'm more proud of. Sorry for your slip bro but your still here and still fighting that's what counts. I just made my own 30 day chip to carry around lol.
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Lost Druid on September 15, 2015, 08:26:50 AM
Headed out of town to see my kids. It's hard to be away from home. I miss my Raven. Can't pass up the chance to see my boy though. Goddess give me strength
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Lost Druid on September 15, 2015, 11:54:00 PM
Can't sleep.
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Lost Druid on September 19, 2015, 07:32:16 AM
Had another big wow moment last night. On the 10th my data plan on my phone renewed. 1gig of high speed... In the past this would be gone in 24 hours or less. Nearly 9 full days later I finally ran out of my gig. I didn't realize I was consuming so much. I know it seems like a silly little thing but for me its something more.
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Wolverine on September 22, 2015, 12:11:55 AM
Yes, it is one of those small bonuses, your life is improving, that's a good feeling:)

Best of luck bro.
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Lost Druid on September 24, 2015, 03:54:06 AM
You ain't kidding brother. I'm finding I have more ambition too. I've started writing again, I've picked up some hobbies, and am reconnecting with friends.
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Lost Druid on September 26, 2015, 01:04:43 PM
So Raven and I tried something new last night with some friends... I learned that things that may be fun in the moment are not always a good idea... I feel alone in the dark again. I thought I was smarter than this...
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Lost Druid on September 28, 2015, 11:49:34 AM
I survived the storm. Lessons learned
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Lost Druid on October 05, 2015, 10:32:16 AM
So as I close in in my 60 day mark I find my biggest obstacle is those moments when I have nothing to take up my attention. To avoid this I have decided to learn a new language. I found an app for Android that works like Rosette Stone but with out the insane cost lol. Spanish is my first goal. I don't plan to stop there. I have 8-10 other languages available to be and they are all free. Now instead of avoiding my phone I can use it to keep away from my drug AND better myself at the same time! Life is good, I mean really really good. I can't remember the last time I have been this happy. My Raven and I fall in love with each other every morning all over again, I'm spending more time with the kids, I'm thinking more clearly then I have in years. I am truely beginning to love myself. Stay strong and keep the faith everyone. If I can do this so can you!!!
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Wolverine on October 05, 2015, 03:13:21 PM
Man this is really inspiring, you are really tough. You have excellent mindset I wish to have the same approach and strength.

Best of luck
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: theonlyoption on October 05, 2015, 05:42:48 PM
Really impressed and inspired by your work here. Let me tell you though: having made it through 120+ days, it's important to not let your guard down. Even if you've made it 5 months +, you can still relapse, so keep up your discipline.
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Bango Skank on October 07, 2015, 02:35:22 PM
Great to hear you are doing so well buddy. 60 days, 2 months is a pretty big milestone.
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Lost Druid on October 07, 2015, 09:56:44 PM
Thanks to all of you. Without your support and the support of my wife and friend I would not be here. And a very big congrats to you too Bango almost up to 30 days again. Keep going brother
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Philgood63 on October 10, 2015, 05:00:27 AM
Well done Lost Druid ! Your path is an inspiration, keep on posting good new to us !
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Robbie21 on October 12, 2015, 12:32:10 AM
You are NEVER alone here my friend. Private message me any time for support, encouraging words or advice.  Robbie21
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Lost Druid on October 12, 2015, 08:00:12 PM
60 days!!!! Had a few almost slips. But still here and still strong. I've never been so proud of me.
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: mrclean on October 15, 2015, 10:59:23 PM
Druid,

Congrats. Your are living example for me that this is doable :)

Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Wolverine on October 15, 2015, 11:31:05 PM
LD you're the man!
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Lost Druid on October 19, 2015, 04:35:01 PM
Been without service for the past week or so. Just piping in to say I'm still here and still strong. Keep the faith all!!!
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Bango Skank on October 21, 2015, 06:07:44 AM
Good to hear from you old boy. Great to see your positive progress.
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Wolverine on October 22, 2015, 11:10:37 AM
LD you're the man 70 d that is awesome
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Lost Druid on October 28, 2015, 09:30:06 PM
Ain't stopping yet!
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Lost Druid on November 05, 2015, 03:17:27 PM
Back online. Still holding strong. Less than a week a way from 90 days!!!
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Wolverine on November 06, 2015, 01:37:10 AM
Good luck LD!
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Lost Druid on November 30, 2015, 10:27:11 PM
Been rough the past few days... Between my and my wife's schedule and family medical issues, and holiday stresses, intimacy has been put on the back burner. Trying to focus on other things but it ain't easy. Didn't really take this into account when starting... Getting clean was easy in retrospect... Staying clean is proving to be more of a challenge.
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: Lost Druid on January 05, 2016, 02:25:10 AM
No I didn't reset my counter because I relapsed. I wanted to start the new year with a new counter. I plan to post at least once a week with as many inspirational messages as I can find. This has been a hard road for me and I know is hard for many of you as well. My story is not finished. I will keep clean by trying to help as many people as I can keep clean. thank you for all the support. Keep the faith everyone!!
Title: Re: Rock Bottom
Post by: freshstart@40 on January 05, 2016, 06:02:49 AM
Hi LD
I like that quote
Getting clean was easy in retrospect... Staying clean is proving to be more of a challenge.
I have not been tempted to revert back to p but my life feels more challenging now although i think it is because i have higher expectations of myself now