Reboot Nation

Journals => Women => Topic started by: metaphase on July 11, 2015, 03:50:31 PM

Title: Something's gotta give
Post by: metaphase on July 11, 2015, 03:50:31 PM
Hey all. I am very glad to have found this community, especially with a section especially for women. I have struggled to find much info on this topic that takes women's struggles with porn-induced sexual dysfunction into account at all.

It's been a long road to me feeling as though I have a problem. What has ultimately lead me here is trouble with arousal with my partner of almost five years. He is great, I am attracted to him, I love him very much, the sex is fantastic (is that ok to say??)....once it gets going. I want to in my heart, but when he touches me, 99 times out of 100 I am bone dry. It is frustrating for both of us. Only so much of it can be dismissed as pot giving me "dry mouth everywhere". It wasn't always like this: when we first got together, I was always good to go right away, but the thrill of a new partner was still fresh. My immediate arousal has been on a slow decline ever since.

Let me back up. For as long as I can remember, I have been fascinated by sex. I would draw "dirty" pictures as a kid. We had this big medical book that I was in love with in general, but I would go through the pages detailing sex and genitals over and over and over. When a friend showed me a 70's nudie mag she had found on top of a vent in her basement, it was like the holy grail. I started watching porn around age, I don't know...11? basically as soon as we got the internet and I was considered old enough to be left home alone.  I became quite adept at hiding it all and my mom had no idea...until I covered all my tracks except closing the window of the folder with my "stash". It was promptly deleted and I was in big trouble and some mortifying talks ensued. But I was right back at it. And I got caught again. The computer was then password protected but I found a way around that too.

Since then it's just escalated. I'm 28 now. I have accounts on at least 5 porn sites so I could save favorites. For awhile there I could only get into pretty extreme stuff. My collection of toys has ballooned. Things have really reached a fever pitch since I discovered what is basically pinterest for porn. I've been in denial for quite awhile since anymore I really only PMO on Saturdays when I get up and maybe get a little high and then my guy goes to work, and usually he hasn't even pulled out of the parking lot before I've busted out the laptop. Sometimes I try to do chores around the house but porn is all I can really think about and I give in almost immediately.

I have slowed down a little bit in the last month. I became a very, very big fan of anal stimulation but realized I had to give it up because, frankly, I was ruining my digestion and making my body miserable. I somewhat impulsively bagged up my dildo and other anal toys and threw them in the dumpster. So, that issue i am considering to be in remission. I continue to struggle with the rest of it, though. With porn I can be sitting in a huge puddle within minutes. But when it's time for sex, like I said...bone-dry. Once we get going, get some lube in there, then it's like...oh, right, that...and the wetness kicks in. Sometimes, when I know we'll be at it before long, I will try to think about porn or maybe even look at some while he's outside smoking to jump-start things. This makes me feel so guilty and broken. My guy never says anything but I can't help feeling like he must feel a bit unattractive and ineffective, and I feel embarrassed and guilty. For the sake of my sex life, I'd really like to put porn behind me. Here goes nothing...
Title: Re: Something's gotta give
Post by: J on July 11, 2015, 04:47:39 PM
Hi metaphase and welcome.

Lots of the men that come here have porn induced ED (pied), but it is very well a female problem as well. You have come to the right place. If you haven't watched the videos on Your Brain on porn yet that is a good place to start as it explains the rewiring of the brain in connection to porn versus real intimacy.

If this is your main concern then I also suggest checking out the FAQ's posted by Gabe Deem as he talks about everything he did to get over PIED. In essence, the main advice here is that porn can no longer be an option. I know it can be hard, but it really is the only way. Not even a, try it after a few months, the porn has got to go.

One of the things that did it for me was making sure I didn't have opportunities to be alone, specially when urges were the strongest. You also need to replace the brain needed dopamine with a positive habit, which is why exercise is recommended.

Start keeping track of your days and possible triggers. Read up other peoples journals when you feel ready. I would also suggest visiting the forum when you have the urges but don't obsess over it either. If we focus on the problem we tend to fall back into it, focus on the solutions instead.

You can do it.
Title: Re: Something's gotta give
Post by: metaphase on July 11, 2015, 07:29:58 PM
Thanks J  ;D