Reboot Nation

Journals => Ages 30-39 => Topic started by: man_in_30s_rebootingnow on July 22, 2019, 08:09:20 AM

Title: Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years
Post by: man_in_30s_rebootingnow on July 22, 2019, 08:09:20 AM
Hello all my dear Rebooters,

Glad to be here with someone trying to achieve the same thing as I.

I am a man 34 years of age. I was introduced to Porn at the age of 15 by my friend in an internet cafe and ever since I am a porn user.
I am into sexting a lot and followed by porn. I would like to get out of this poisonous habit and lead a clean/green/life that is fulfilling and peacuful. Recently my porn addiction has started causing financial downs its small but it has started, and i believe if I don't get out now I will sync myself and my family completely and hence I decided to join here.

The longest I have made so far in last 10 years is 25 days without porn/sex/sexting/MO.

hope to meet great people who are rebooters and successfull and make friends along and acheve a lot of peace and happiness by rebooting in life together.

Cheers,
Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years
Title: Re: Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years
Post by: man_in_30s_rebootingnow on July 22, 2019, 08:25:14 AM



I am starting a new reboot from today and I will come back and update whenever I can . hope we can all do this together !
may God/ Mother nature/Universe/Mother Earth Bless all rebooters with success !
Title: Re: Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years
Post by: Clown Loach on July 23, 2019, 01:21:17 AM
Good luck!  Wishing you all the best for this.  I have a similar story to you, I think, being the age we are.  I am 35, so did not grow up on what material is available on the internet today, yet everything has still left its - negative - mark.  Once more: good luck and I look forward to reading updates.
Title: Re: Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years
Post by: man_in_30s_rebootingnow on July 23, 2019, 05:41:08 AM
Thanks for your encouraging words Clown Loach. yes we were not introduced to internet the best way. yet, we have to make best use of it going forward. The fact that you are 35 and in a similar boat makes me feel we can do it together by partnering/competing/pushing each other towards the finish line . and also reading that you have made it past 60 days at once is a real game changer to me . I will try to accomplish that or better before 2019 ends. acknowledging that only 150 days or so left this year i will be looking to achieve atleast 2 25 day or better streaks if not one full 60 day streak to close this year with a decent number.

here is my past 5 year performance -
Relapses in last 5 years -

2016 - 95 relapses
2017 - 97 relapses
2018 - 71 relapses
2019 - 48 relapses as of today (my target for 2019 was 46 which i blew it last week and i need to own responsibility for that ).
2020 - Target (15 Relapses)
2021 - Target (5 Relapses)
2022- Target ( 1 Relapse)

I am tracking down my progress in an excel spreadsheet which gives me a bird's eye view of my performance and its encouraging to see decrease in number of relapses from 2017 into 2018. I encourage every rebooter to set targets and track their yearly/monthly performance like this as it has helped me in my life.


 Cheers and Glory to Rebooters !!!
Title: Re: Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years
Post by: man_in_30s_rebootingnow on July 24, 2019, 05:31:34 AM
I am on day 3 today and hoping to make it past 25 (my previous best).

i've been here before many times , its usually 9th or 10th day i succumb. let's see how i do this time on crossing the 9,10,11 line !

Victory to rebooters ! Victory for humans who want to be humans in the true sense !

Title: Re: Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years
Post by: man_in_30s_rebootingnow on July 25, 2019, 12:58:45 PM
Only at day 4 today but was alone at home working from home today when I felt the trigger to sext and went and started on the phone . I was able to fight my way back and finally abandon the phone did the breathing exercises and a walk outside. Saved my day . I feel it’s different now that I am sharing my progress here I feel the responsibility and accountability to be successful now. That’s the welcome change I see .   

see you guys again as I continue my fight I will update further.

Goood luck to all rebooted . On to day 5 hopefully. Yes I’m gonna make it
Title: Re: Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years
Post by: man_in_30s_rebootingnow on July 25, 2019, 08:33:40 PM
I succumbed today. I lost it on day 4.
I am going to start over from tomorrow. Good luck to all
Title: Re: Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years
Post by: man_in_30s_rebootingnow on July 26, 2019, 10:52:08 AM
starting at Day 1 today .
yesterday I succumbed to sexting and I sexted for about 90 mins and then i thought I have lost it today. i need to start over from tomorrow. so here I am on day 1 .

To me .. I am aiming at complete abstinence like no Porn, no sexting , no thinking about girls/women as objects first of all.
to me that is real reboot and I want to be an expert in that level of abstinence. Last year this time i had felt like there should be atleast one 50 day clean streak in 2018 but that never happened. so here I am aiming for a 50 in 2019 starting today .

my main tools I have been using to attain abstinence are below. I have been finding them helpful to some extent -

1. breathing exercises and prayers in the morning.
2. Focus on limiting the food intake and focus on increasing taking in less junk and more greener veggie food.
3. Decreasing lonely time with phone or other internet facing gadgets and increasing productive lonely time where I am doing something i love doing like learning new things (including online trainings/engaging online reading), reading a book or just watching a nice movie/game which is not A rated.
4.Exercising during the day so I can get tired by evening and i go to bed straight without lurking in the late evenings with bad thoughts in my head.
5. lastly when i am in a trigger situation then walk out of the house for some fresh air/ if not able to get out then do slow controlled long breathing for about 25 - 50 times with eyes closed and then move on to something else that distracts me from the trigger and save my day.

I know I am not doing these 100% effectively that is why I have not been a success story so far. but i plan to be one this year on this forum. Good luck to myself and all who are with me in this ! I wish each one of us are winners soon !

- Bye now. onto day 2 tomorrow. ( i may not come back every day but i will come in and write atleast once a week or so or when i succumb to get more motivation from you guys.

Gentlemen and Brave Ladies !!!
Thanks for being with me and reading this.
Let us join and grow the legion of a few good humans on this planet.

-Cheers
Title: Re: Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years
Post by: man_in_30s_rebootingnow on July 26, 2019, 03:56:15 PM
I am down in swamps today . I again sexted for about 2 hours. probably the urge from yesterday taking me over completely today as i had not Masturbated yesterday after 90 mins of sexting. I will be starting over tomorrow a new reboot.
 feels so low and helpless.

-Thanks for reading . Happy Rebooting .
Title: Re: Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years
Post by: man_in_30s_rebootingnow on July 26, 2019, 05:35:02 PM
so i am looking bad already on the relapse tracker now .

2016 - 95 relapses
2017 - 97 relapses
2018 - 71 relapses
2019 - 51 relapses as of today (my target for 2019 was 46 which i blew already !!! need to slow down this year now - big time ).
2020 - Target (15 Relapses)
2021 - Target (5 Relapses)
2022- Target ( 1 Relapse)
Title: Re: Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years
Post by: jixu on July 27, 2019, 07:03:16 AM
Don't know much about sexting but I hope you can find a way or plan to limit it from the start of the urge so that it doesn't blow out of control.  the stat approach is probably useful but remember it is a daily battle, and the focus is on today, right now!   Keep going and don't give up!
Title: Re: Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years
Post by: man_in_30s_rebootingnow on July 29, 2019, 09:31:18 PM
@Jixu, yes i agree. stopping before the desire ignites you is the best , second best would be stopping yourself just as the desires ignite in your mind . the last and toughest would be to stop yourself 2-5 mins or later after you have started pursuing the desires by acting out .
Trigger you are trying to combat could be sexting (my problem), porn (many others here) , or just any simple fantasy.

while I also strongly agree that you need to focus on the day in hand (today), it is also very helpful to see your past performance and kind of get into a habit of breaking your own records, that can be a real confidence booster !!

The desire to break your own best past record  is the best motivation for me and many others.
But totally agree , focus on the day to even start marching towards your goal.

completing 3rd clean day without sexting/porn or acting out. feeling better and hope this continues. I will need to keep myself busy and eliminate any or all lonely time with internet facing devices to keep this up. I found this is working for me now , the trick of eliminating lonely time with internet enabled devices works well . but let's see how far it takes me .

-Good Luck to all !
Title: Re: Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years
Post by: man_in_30s_rebootingnow on August 01, 2019, 10:17:11 PM
6th day after last relapse and going clean , no Sexting, no porn , no looking at females with that bad eye in public places.

I feel no desires, no temptations and a slight fear at this point. I am feeling hungry for a big streak of clean days this time.
Let's see how long can I keep going .

Good luck to all who are trying . keep trying . never feel that you have lost it . even if you are feeling lowest and totally devastated.
No worries. try one more time to make yourself happy, to make yourself clean and recovered.

if you are feeling low, start over again .
if you are feeling high with success, please remind yourself that failure is right around the corner and be careful.
if you are somewhere in the middle , please tell yourself you have a long way to go and you have just started.

-Let's go. Let the Reboot do its wonders on us, let's keep learning from our past pitfalls.
 Let's attain the ultimate goal of life and see our best human selves by practicing abstinence.
Title: Re: Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years
Post by: Pdub on August 02, 2019, 11:56:13 AM
It sounds like you have some good ideas on how to deal with the urges you have.  Have you thought about your triggers and what causes them?

For me it is anger, loneliness, and worst of all boredom.  If I know I'll be put in a situation where I have to deal with those, I'm more likely to relapse.  So far I've been pushing myself to go to the gym when I feel bored or lonely, which puts me in a public place and forces me to do physical exercise.  By the end of my hour at the gym, I feel a lot less prone to relapse.
Title: Re: Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years
Post by: man_in_30s_rebootingnow on August 02, 2019, 04:49:56 PM
@Pdub

its the same for me too. my triggers are loneliness in a internet accesible zone, eating a lot is definitely all time trigger. I have relapsed 99% of the times when i eat more than what my body needs. also frustration when i can't get something done it triggers me to act out in search of pleasure.

I think to kill these triggers we can .
1. eliminate lonely time with unprotected internet facing devices.
2. try to eat less than you need (and then we may end up eating only as much as we need because we tried , atleast in my case that is true)
3. when frustrated may be go out for a walk in fresh air/do long breathing and then get back at it .

Today's my 7 th day and i was lonely in afternooon when i had a trigger to sext.
I opened the phone and started off. after a few minutes slowly gained sense of what is happening and repeatedly told myself that this will be a relapse if i don't act now. finally after few minutes i was able to put away the phone and started listening to music and got back to work . so it was a scary moment that could have led to relapse. I managed to not get involved and pull myself out in a few minutes and then i am cruising again . hopefully i see this through and make it to 8,9,10
Title: Re: Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years
Post by: man_in_30s_rebootingnow on August 03, 2019, 06:18:42 AM
into 8th day today and doing okay.
Urges and triggers have started bothering me i had to fight one on day 7.

the trigger on day 7 was to sext and i was able to convince myself to put away my phone before any real damage was done.

one thing i do need to share for benefiting others here is that once i was triggered and i was on my smart phone I had to forcefully convince myself that this isn't for me and as my fingers typed away (almost not under my control) I closed my eyes repeatedly and meditated where ever I was and this cycle of looking back at phone and then closing my eyes and meditating a few minutes happened about 3-5 times before i could regain control over my aggravated mind to think positive and finally was able to put away the phone . at the end of this mental battle i felt exhausted as if the top of my head was exhausting smoke . i calmed down and was able to focus on my work while i tried to divert my attention with some music i like.

as you see I needed 3 things to fight my way back into sanity -
1. meditation even as i was under the influence of trigger and telling myself repeatedly that this is not for me until i regained control.
2. deep breathing when under attack.
3. music and work to divert my mind from going back to the trigger and regain focus.

you may have a different preference of the way you protect against a trigger so write them down , think them through, put those tools that work for you into use in the moments of a trigger or if you smell a trigger in next few moments in your day to protect yourself and prevent your triggers from catching you.
Title: Re: Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years
Post by: man_in_30s_rebootingnow on August 04, 2019, 03:31:47 AM
day 9 i have lost it . I will reset my counter to 0 from august 04 and try again from august 05

fought a lot this time but lost it to triggers today . I need to learn to manage my triggers better.
Title: Re: Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years
Post by: man_in_30s_rebootingnow on August 05, 2019, 12:16:22 PM
Starting fresh after my relapse over the weekend.

Day 1 today -
feels very bad i am on number 1 after all .
i wish it was a 100 or a 1000 or a 10000.

after introspecting what let to my relapse over the weekend . i feel its two things i didn't do , that i have never done in fact without fail consistently , that may have helped me take my clean streak into teens.

1. ate a lot of food on saturday night.
2. allowed my triggers to act me out to get a smart phone and start sexting since friday .

one thing i was able to keep myself off was the P . but my main and big trigger is sxting.

so for me to hit that dream number 100 after the 10 i need to keep a check on my eating quantity and should not allow my triggers to get me started off to go for my smart phone or other internet device for sxting.

Salute to all those who are cruising along in a clean streak you guys are the heroes i look upto.
Title: Re: Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years
Post by: man_in_30s_rebootingnow on August 10, 2019, 11:14:31 AM
I made it until day 4 this time and relapsed on day 4 as I was alone on 4th night with internet facing devices.

and on 5th night the binge continued. so starting fresh at day 1 today.

Lesson learnt : Loneliness and not being busy is making yourself highly vulnerable for a very very likely relapse . As much as possible avoid loneliness and not having anything to do at hand. in other words keep yourself busy until you hit the pillow at night.

Starting over today : Day 1.
Title: Re: Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years
Post by: man_in_30s_rebootingnow on August 10, 2019, 01:27:29 PM
I relapsed again today so day 0 today :(. will start day 1 from tomorrow.
Title: Re: Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years
Post by: stepbystep on August 10, 2019, 09:44:31 PM
Hang in there man. Recovery is a tough process, but you are actively making the effort to stop. Most people don't even do that. Recovery is also work. Could you get an accountability partner in the real world? Could you get help from recovery groups? Those were steps I took that really helped for me. I've recently restarted the recovery process because even though I never went back to my old porn habits, I still have middle circle behavior that I'm trying to completely get rid of.
Title: Re: Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years
Post by: man_in_30s_rebootingnow on August 10, 2019, 11:54:23 PM
Thanks for your encouraging words @StepbyStep.

I do not have an accountability partner in real life. I am kind of on my own.
I will not give up this fight until my last breathe. I do not want to give up the fight to recover , i have been dreaming of a complete recovery from the age of 16 . I was introduced to PMO at age of 15 by a friend in an internet cafe.how i wish i had never got into this at all :(

I have seen in my life that I am only a starter. i do not take the journey ahead. i relapse within 10 days mostly. That's my story so far. my best streak was 6 years ago when my kid was born .
it was 25 days clean streak.

I will try requesting an accountability partner now to see if that helps, there are no recovery groups near me where i can meet in person and also for maintaining anonymity i am not comfortable going to real meets.
I relapsed 2nd time in a day today so i am writing again here today. I am totally down in swamps today.

here is my performance as of today -
2016 - 95 relapses
2017 - 97 relapses
2018 - 71 relapses
2019 - 56 relapses as of today (my target for 2019 was 46 which i blew already !!! need to slow down this year now - big time ).
2020 - Target (15 Relapses)
2021 - Target (5 Relapses)
2022- Target ( 1 Relapse)

best clean streak in 2019 - 17 days
best clean streak in 2018 - 18 days
best clean streak in 2017 - 10 days
Title: Re: Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years
Post by: stepbystep on August 11, 2019, 01:18:28 PM
There are also online meetings with complete anonymity: http://www.slaaonline.org/ . It has a 12 steps focus. I am not really religious, but it still helps me.
Title: Re: Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years
Post by: man_in_30s_rebootingnow on August 14, 2019, 02:01:36 PM
day 4 of clean run today and hope to keep it going as long as possible.

last 5 days has been stressful and dejecting work life wise and so feeling low but thankfully it has not led to a trigger or a relapse .

I am trying to keep myself industrious/busy through out the day squeezing in new projects in the middle of daily routines and that has been helpful so far.
Title: Re: Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years
Post by: Pdub on August 14, 2019, 08:53:45 PM
This shit is hard to do.  If it was easy no one would have a problem with it.  You're trying to take the high road which is commendable. 

You identified some of your triggers and even were able to avoid giving in.  That's huge! Celebrate your successes and learn from the hard times.

I believe in you man.  Keep it up and keep checking back in.
Title: Re: Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years
Post by: man_in_30s_rebootingnow on August 15, 2019, 12:18:40 PM
@Pdub , Thanks for your encouraging words man .

onto 5th day and cruising today .

I Agree.

 this is hardest and the sweetest forbidden fruit to give up . that said the key thing to remember is that the forbidden sweet fruit is hollow and poisonous inside , its gonna bring lot of tears and pain once we eat it but appears to be the sweetest on the outside.

Let's keep reminding ourselves each day that we are giving up a deceiving habit which is poisonous , we are not giving up a true reward of life. its just a habit that steals the truly rewarding life from us, time and time again.

Title: Re: Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years
Post by: man_in_30s_rebootingnow on August 16, 2019, 11:36:03 AM
6th day PMO free today and feeling good about myself.

its been busy and i am looking to keep it that way. my scary days are 9/10/11.

hoping to get past that this time.

busy is good. let's keep busy until we get sleep.
Title: Re: Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years
Post by: Lero on August 16, 2019, 11:43:07 AM
6th day PMO free today and feeling good about myself.

its been busy and i am looking to keep it that way. my scary days are 9/10/11.

hoping to get past that this time.

busy is good. let's keep busy until we get sleep.

For 6 days I was alright but then starting with day 7, things got scary quick. It could get really hard so be prepared for that. Just stay away from porn, don't search for any material. Urges lower their intensity after peaking so let them do that. Contrary to what our addiction tells us, we actually don't have to act out when urges come.
Title: Re: Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years
Post by: man_in_30s_rebootingnow on August 18, 2019, 09:50:47 PM
8 days PMO free and feeling positive.

I have relapsed a lot of times on 8/9/10. so here i come 8-9-10. looking forward to get past you this time!

keeping busy and engaging in interesting new projects seems to have a dictating effect on my behaviour towards PMO.

I feel we definitely need something you love to keep you busy and away from PMO .
Title: Re: Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years
Post by: man_in_30s_rebootingnow on August 19, 2019, 09:40:38 PM
9 days PMO free and feeling good.

I see that though urges are not troubling me at this time. I feel a sense of loss that there is something I am missing. I am scared that this feeling will take me back to PMO. this is getting trickier now.

I hope I can hang on and keep marching forward.
Title: Re: Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years
Post by: Lero on August 20, 2019, 04:28:44 AM
That's right. We feel this "sadness" for leaving porn behind because porn produces a big dopamine hit. This dopamine hit used to feel good, we loved it so much, so now it feels like losing the fun of our life. But don't worry. Don't listen to it. It will eventually go away with time. I feel this "sadness" too, like I've ended my friendship with my best friend and I won't see him again.
Title: Re: Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years
Post by: man_in_30s_rebootingnow on August 20, 2019, 07:47:15 AM
Thanks Lero.

onto day 10 today. but that was not easy to get past day 9.

i had to fight with 2 triggers on day 9 late night.

first trigger i think was out of the sadness of leaving PMO behind for 9 days. my triggers are usually to start sexting and then go on to PMO.

unfortunately I started typing messages on a sexting site on 9th night but I was able to resort to meditation and gain back my composure in a few minutes and then I went to sleep.

second trigger was at about 2.30 am when i suddenly woke up and walked out of the room and grabbed my phone and started sexting
I was able to fight this trigger too by resorting to meditation one more time , (closing my eyes and meditating while under attack from a trigger, wherever I am and when ever under attack has helped me fight back many times and regain composure)
I was telling myself over and over that I can't loose it here on 9th day.

finally after few minutes i stopped typing on sexting site and was able to go back to sleep and sleep well.

That was a tough battle ! (big sighs)!

day 10 morning I made a resolve , that I will not act out by a trigger and visit a sexting website that may lead to PMO eventually for me. day 9 was inches close to a PMO relapse and resetting the clock to day 0.

but just because i fought so well , which was a new behaviour in me that I am only seeing lately, i am not resetting the clock to day 0 .
also I did not slip into PMO last night despite being attacked by 2 triggers.

I hope to keep the day counter moving on,  while "accepting the sadness" that I am indeed letting go off a friend who was indeed an enemy after all.




Title: Re: Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years
Post by: Lero on August 20, 2019, 09:06:02 AM
The dopamine hit is awesome for our brain, it's obvious why it makes us feel like we're losing the best thing ever. But it's one of the many ways our addiction tries to keep us hooked. We must not listen to it.

One of the great steps to make is learning how your porn behavior works. You seem to do this. If sexting is what sabotages you, then you know what you have to do: Eliminate it completely. You've come a long way already because you are able to stop yourself pretty fast now you have to push the barrier further and stop yourself before you even start. Don't search for porn material either and you will have a great start. I know this will feel like shit but it's a must. When you don't give dopamine to your addiction, it reacts violently but fuck it. How cares? We have the last word. It's us who decide if we give it dopamine or not, no matter how much it asks. It's our choice in the end.
Title: Re: Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years
Post by: man_in_30s_rebootingnow on August 21, 2019, 08:15:42 AM
Thanks for listening everyone.

Lero thanks for your valuable thoughts.

Day 10 - The urges and dopamine blast was so intense that I visited sexting sites at my work place today and i kept sending messages.
              Once I reached home things were calm, but only untill everyone went to sleep. I stayed awake lurking late untill night and It was me conspiring against myself, driven by the overly powerful urges to visit sexting site.

in the end i ended up about 3 hours on sexting site and followed by PMO. i lost it.

if i introspect now on what might have led to this relapse -
it was me eating lot of food on day 9 night that may have triggered the urges also it was 9th day so i was feeling low.
the feeling of "sadness" that i had left sexting and PMO for 9 long days was also a contributor to urges firing up.

so lessons learnt are -
eat less or only so much your body needs, exercise daily.
once you cross day 8 in a clean streak it gets tricky as we move on to more tougher zone. I still have not cracked this zone (10-16 days) consistently . so my advice to everyone is stand strong by your decision to quit when you are presented with situations which are so very tempting and mind cravings after day 8 can get stronger, there is no option but to deny these cravings if we want to succeed. let your very strong resolve help you stay focused in the vulnerable moments.
That is all i have to say today . good luck to all.


starting at Day 0 today-
hoping to get past day 10 this time.
Title: Re: Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years
Post by: NewStart04 on August 21, 2019, 01:14:40 PM
man_in_30s_rebootingnow

Thanks for sharing. I definitely see some parallels between our recovery experiences. Being alone and isolated is definitely one big factor that keeps me coming back to this addiction. Opening up on this forum and YBR have been really helpful so far, though I have yet to do so with a person I know in my private life. I am planning on doing this in about two weeks from now. How about you? Do you think there is anyone in your life that you could open up to about your addiction?

Although it isn't solely confined to overeating, I have noticed that I am more prone to relapsing when I experience physical discomfort from an eating experience. This may be going out on a limb here, but, when I am aroused, I often feel this tight clenching in my gut. Maybe some of the discomfort caused by eating mimics these sensations and ends up triggering cravings? Not sure, but I remember reading somewhere (I think in the book YBOP) that a lot of the physical sensations caused by anxiety mimic those that we experience when aroused, and that's why anxiety paired with porn use can cause bigger blasts of dopamine and make sexual experiences feel more novel for addicts.

You mentioned that you suddenly woke up in the middle of the night and grabbed your phone. I used to have this exact problem. So I decided to keep my phone far away from my bed, and this has done wonders because I sleep in a loft and the time it takes to climb down from bed and walk over to my phone is enough for me to wake up. Before, I would reach for my phone half-awake and already be looking at porn before I was fully conscious. You probably don't sleep in a loft, but what if you turned off your phone every night and/or put it in a different area of your house? You could use a normal alarm clock to wake yourself up, and then those night time slip-ups would be a thing of the past. This may not solve all your problems, but it would be one less pitfall you'd have to worry about, right?

Don't give up. You and your family deserve better than what this addiction has to offer.
Title: Re: Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years
Post by: man_in_30s_rebootingnow on August 22, 2019, 11:48:35 AM
Day 2 of soberity .

This time my goal is to go past 10 days and much ahead may be upto 90 days if i can go on untill that step.

I want to change my approach to this problem this time a little bit and try to fail in a new approach rather than continue with old methodoligies , that way some day I discover the approach that works .

I am going to stay away from sexting , PMO and even writing my journal here on rebootnation untill i relapse next time.

That way i am almost trying to forget that I was even a sexting and PMO addict when i look back after 'x' number of days .
I will come back and write about how it went when i do relapse.

and if you guys don't here from me then I am cruising along with the reboot.

Good luck and prayers for all of you rebooters for your success in recovery and reboot. I pray you all succeed soon and find happiness in your respective lives.

See you on my next relapse ( or perhaps on my 91st day of clean streak. i want to get there this time).
Title: Re: Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years
Post by: The Unhappy Fapper on August 22, 2019, 11:51:28 AM
dude no relapse man. By saying that you're basically expecting to fail. Stay strong man, this demon needs all the strength you have to defeat it.
Title: Re: Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years
Post by: malando on August 22, 2019, 12:32:47 PM
dude no relapse man. By saying that you're basically expecting to fail. Stay strong man, this demon needs all the strength you have to defeat it.
interesting, dude thinks words matter for others, but doesn't think they matter for him... ironic...
Title: Re: Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years
Post by: man_in_30s_rebootingnow on September 01, 2019, 08:27:48 AM
i relapsed on day 11 this time and again on day 12 today to sexting. there were no porno pics or vedios i needed to relapse. just the sexting. so thats my trigger.

I will start over again from tomorrow trying to get past 11 days.
Title: Re: Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years
Post by: man_in_30s_rebootingnow on September 02, 2019, 06:58:32 AM
day 1 today -

my last approach of trying to forget that i am even an addict didn't work.

I also forgot that i need to take precautions to avoid a relapse.

if one can forget about past addictions and also at the same time ingrain precautionary habits in their lives. i think that will be a wonder. but, that is barely possible.

so my goal this time is ,yes , definitely forget that i am a sexting addict /porno addict and tell myself again and again that i am recovering and install that self belief , at the same time also install precautionary habits in my life that are working everyday for me by steering my mind, attention and life away from sexting and porno addiction.

5 things i am targeting to bring into my life on a daily basis -
1. eat healthy and control quantity.
2. indulge in my favorite activities that steers me away from negativity( in my case learning new skills).
3. daily schedule discipline.
4. Exercise daily and tell myself in mirror that i am recovering from my addictions to install self confidence firmly.
5. at last when needed indulge in real physical sex only with my partner to loose the urges.

by using these 5 tools i am looking to break away ahead of 11 days this time and hit that golden number of 90 days of sobriety.

I am sure if i do these regularly and bring in some consistency gradually in these habits without fail i will see some significant degree of success with my recovery.

throughout my adulthood, i have been so good in planning but poor and inconsistent in execution. I am looking to turn around the later part , the execution part with this new life.

I also pray today for all my friends here that are trying to recover and reboot.

I will update my journal from time to time but may not be able to visit daily. Good luck guys and let us experience liberation soon.

Let God bless us all.
Title: Re: Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years
Post by: man_in_30s_rebootingnow on September 07, 2019, 07:44:53 AM
5th day of clean life this time.

6 days back i planned to install below methods in my life daily to keep my mind away from sexting and porn.

5 things i am targeting to bring into my life on a daily basis -
1. eat healthy and control quantity.
2. indulge in my favorite activities that steers me away from negativity( in my case learning new skills).
3. daily schedule discipline.
4. Exercise daily and tell myself in mirror that i am recovering from my addictions to install self confidence firmly.
5. at last when needed indulge in real physical sex only with my partner to loose the urges.

i have been able to do #1, #2 and #4 consistently so far and the result is 5th day of clean life with no sexting / porn.
I will make effort each day to keep these good habits #1 - #5 going through out my life consistently and achieve a complete recovery from sexting and porn.
Title: Re: Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years
Post by: Free-man on September 07, 2019, 10:03:50 AM
I like your plans and goals. Go for them!
Title: Re: Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years
Post by: man_in_30s_rebootingnow on September 10, 2019, 05:33:58 AM
on 7th day i relapsed , it was the weekend and i didn't adhere to #1 and #4 though i did do #2 even on those days.
so , even if i indulged in my favourite activities during the day, i was not able to keep myself away from sexting and porn in late evening when I had "eaten a lot of junk food" and "had not exercised" nor did I introspect on my recovery on that day . I found my self relapsed late in the evening.

my daily tools to help me reboot -
1. eat healthy and control quantity.
2. indulge in my favorite activities that steers me away from negativity( in my case learning new skills).
3. daily schedule discipline.
4. Exercise daily and tell myself in mirror that i am recovering from my addictions to install self confidence firmly.
5. at last when needed indulge in real physical sex only with my partner to loose the urges.

Though i failed (may be a 10,000th time ) i will not stop trying. i want to continue to keep adding these 5 steps into my life everyday and see myself succeed and recover.
Day 1 today.
Title: Re: Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years
Post by: man_in_30s_rebootingnow on September 10, 2019, 05:34:56 AM
I like your plans and goals. Go for them!

Thanks Free-man ! I wish you success.
Title: Re: Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years
Post by: Free-man on September 10, 2019, 06:25:58 AM
Thank you man,

Don't give up and try again, I'm sure you will make a longer streak this time with your plans and goals.
Cheers!
Title: Re: Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years
Post by: man_in_30s_rebootingnow on September 15, 2019, 10:58:59 PM
I relapsed on both the days of the weekend.

On saturday morning i was alone with a computer with internet connection and the dopamine kicked off and i was sexting and stopping in intervals and relapsed in the evening to extensive sexting and PMO as i was again alone in afternoon with a Dopamine blasted head.

on sunday morning the binging continued and i relapsed one more time .

I wish i could remove all internet connections at my home including giving away my smart phone .
but in today's world that is not possible. so we have to live with these easy access channels to PMO and also the strong dopamines in our heads that can wreak havoc in our heads.

This lethal combination of internet access + loneliness + dopamine driven head seems too powerful infront of my will power to stay away from sexting and PMO.


I have been doing #1 and #2 of my tools but the dopamine blast i had turned my #3, 4 and 5 upside down over this weekend.

my tools to recovery -
1. eat healthy and control quantity.
2. indulge in my favorite activities that steers me away from negativity( in my case learning new skills).
3. daily schedule discipline.
4. Exercise daily and tell myself in mirror that i am recovering from my addictions to install self confidence firmly.
5. at last when needed indulge in real physical sex only with my partner to loose the urges.

I will start all over again tomorrow at day 1, I am clueless how I will get past through the week, forget 90 days. The future looks dark and i feel weak in my mind infront of this powerful addiction and i have a fear that the PMO and sexting addictions will ride me out for many more years to come and I will be at the same place as i am when i look back after few years.

But there is also this sense of confidence in my mind that says i will turn this around somehow, no matter what.
I doubt its me cheating myself by not stopping myself, but i also feel powerless to control myself in vulnerable moments while i am aware of bad things happening to me but i still don't feel strong enough to stop myself or rather it is i don't want to feel strong enough to stop myself . I guess, the answer is yes, i am cheating myself and i am letting myself down and i won't succeed until i keep letting myself down.

I am my own enemy right now and that needs to stop ....and I have the need to be my own friend in desperate need! so with that thought of me being my only savior and protector and well wisher I sign off from this note and am going to start day 1 all over again one more time, this time me being my own friend and hope !
Title: Re: Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years
Post by: Free-man on September 16, 2019, 02:52:46 AM
Hey man,
Start again when you're ready and just then commit with your recovery.

I highly recommend that you read this link:
https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/tools-for-change-recovery-from-porn-addiction/rebooting-advice-observations-from-successful-rebooters/my-thoughts-on-rebooting-extremely-long-post/ (https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/tools-for-change-recovery-from-porn-addiction/rebooting-advice-observations-from-successful-rebooters/my-thoughts-on-rebooting-extremely-long-post/)

Read everything you can in YBOP and this forum. There are very informative journals and with wise advices.

About computer and mobile phones, please install a blocker, because you know what internet and loneliness is. It's the trigger. Stop it.
I know what internet and smartphones do to all of us. It's the main addiction that comes with several addictions…videogames, online games, sport bets & online poker and obviously the porn industry. We have to keep far away for all of this. We have to give a healthier use. We have to try to block all of that.

Stay strong and follow your goals with commitment.
Cheers!

Title: Re: Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years
Post by: man_in_30s_rebootingnow on September 22, 2019, 10:19:59 PM
Hey man,
Start again when you're ready and just then commit with your recovery.

I highly recommend that you read this link:
https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/tools-for-change-recovery-from-porn-addiction/rebooting-advice-observations-from-successful-rebooters/my-thoughts-on-rebooting-extremely-long-post/ (https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/tools-for-change-recovery-from-porn-addiction/rebooting-advice-observations-from-successful-rebooters/my-thoughts-on-rebooting-extremely-long-post/)

Read everything you can in YBOP and this forum. There are very informative journals and with wise advices.

About computer and mobile phones, please install a blocker, because you know what internet and loneliness is. It's the trigger. Stop it.
I know what internet and smartphones do to all of us. It's the main addiction that comes with several addictions…videogames, online games, sport bets & online poker and obviously the porn industry. We have to keep far away for all of this. We have to give a healthier use. We have to try to block all of that.

Stay strong and follow your goals with commitment.
Cheers!

Very nice link to read through indeed . I loved reading that. Thanks free-man.

its not how many clean days you have managed. its how engaged your life is and how much more you can engage with your life goals and your life  in itself to push your life away from unwanted things such as "P"  ! nice thought

hey but just to keep myself honest to the forum onto 7 days of clean life now. Everyone keep recovering and holding yourself accountable. Cheers !
Title: Re: Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years
Post by: man_in_30s_rebootingnow on September 28, 2019, 10:28:56 AM
I relapsed last monday and tuesday and then again today.

I have not been able to make it 5 clean days in last 2 weeks.

I feel like I am just all talks no guts to live clean. my tools are not helping me either.
I am ashamed i am still here in my life struggling with sexting and P.

Lonely moments with internet connections are ruining me day in and day out through out my life. I need to get out of this cycle.Help me god.

Last year i remember this time when i had vowed to make it a better year.
But i am worse compared to last year .

I had relapsed 71 times last year whole.(2018)
this year only up to October and i am already at 65. That is not telling me anything positive.
my goal was to do better than last year but i am doing worse :(

I need to start again from tomorrow try to make it a big clean streak to save this year. feeling very low on confidence , almost hopeless.

God save me from this abyss and make me capable of living free of sexting and P. This attraction to sexting and P is very strong compared to my will power to stay out of it. it instantly makes me weak internally as i am alone and with a internet connection.

Title: Re: Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years
Post by: Lero on September 28, 2019, 12:47:11 PM
I'm with you, man. I feel you. Let's make it to the end of the year clean. Try to stay away as much as possible from gadgets.
Title: Re: Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years
Post by: man_in_30s_rebootingnow on September 28, 2019, 08:59:53 PM
I'm with you, man. I feel you. Let's make it to the end of the year clean. Try to stay away as much as possible from gadgets.

hey Man Lero, yes dude we got to make this year better atleast as it ends.
I have been thinking from this morning about eliminating my lonely time totally with internet facing gadgets until i hit my reboot goals.

I think that's the only option i have now. as I am unable hold myself in those vulnerable lonely moments with internet facing gadgets.

I will go into office every day possible .
when i work from home i will go to a coffee shop and work instead of being alone at home.
I will stop spending time in the early mornings doing my stuff with my computer and instead either go out running or do something else but no internet facing gadgets.
I will stop browsing in the late evenings on my laptop when everyone is getting ready to hit the bed at home.

i will start doing these right now and hope to get back stronger this year and finish at where i am (65 relapses this year).
I am starting on this new way of life 'eliminate lonely time around internet facing gadgets' right now after i finish writing this note.

 i want to prove it to myself this time that i am not an all talks no action man and please myself with success of my reboot.
please my lord with my achievements in reboot and self transformation.

May god bless all and help each one of us striving to be good and sober.

we may be weak today but we will sail through with gods grace , constant practice and our abilities to persevere.

Title: Re: Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years
Post by: man_in_30s_rebootingnow on October 02, 2019, 06:33:36 PM
I relapsed again today . i knew it all but i never made any effort to stop it.

I lost it. i am the only one at fault . i don't stop myself. i am too poor in stopping myself.

only 90 days left in this year 2019. I really want to complete one successful 90 day reboot this year.

I want it badly . but i need to go get it now. its time to go get it now.

god please help me get one successful 90 day reboot this year.
only one.
Title: Re: Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years
Post by: Free-man on October 03, 2019, 01:53:22 AM
Sorry to hear that,
How it was happened?
Did you install porn blockers?
The process requires commitment and some action (go out, make exercise, avoid thoughts, reading, distracting and focus in other things…) when the urges and cravings appears.
1. Learn about how it works the visual artificial stimulation in our brains (high dopamine levels)
2. Install porn blockers in computer, tablet and phone. Avoid thoughts and fantasies
3. Learn to live with the withdrawal (all related with the abstinence period in the first 90 days like pains, depression, sadness, loneliness, anger…)

Learn about how you relapsed, take notes and start again
Don't give up!
Title: Re: Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years
Post by: man_in_30s_rebootingnow on October 16, 2019, 01:53:31 PM
I could last for 11 days this time without a relapse.

i will never to able to complete a single 90 day clean reboot in 2019 . its gone. :( i am scared that my life will also be gone without a single 90 day clean reboot . i don't want that to happen. God save me.

I am starting over today hoping to compete a 76 day clean streak atleast in 2019. if not 90 day .

I am going to turn on porn blockers on all laptops and phones so I don't slip into P or sexting easily and i atleast get a red signal when i am on the slippery slide next time .
Title: Re: Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years
Post by: man_in_30s_rebootingnow on October 16, 2019, 05:32:26 PM
i have relapsed 69 times this year untill today

through out the year 2018 i had relapsed 71 times.

so 2018 was much better compared to this year :(.

hoping to turn things around in the remaining days this year.

i feel like i am trying to push against a huge mountain that is just pushing me backwards.
this is so difficult.

I took 1 step ahead in 2018 and my Sexting and P habit is pushing me 2 step backwards in 2019.

one thing i need to do to be successful is to stop myself when triggered by my brain after 10-11 days , thats when i fail.
also at 10th or 11th day i get dreams of P and then the next morning i relapse looking at cell phone.

i will need to look out for that dream trigger next time when i reach 10th or 11th day and then let it go past me without relapsing so i march on to 20 days and 30s and so on.

i will start over tomorrow.


Title: Re: Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years
Post by: NewStart04 on October 17, 2019, 01:15:17 AM
man_in_30s_rebootingnow

Here's a quote I remember encountering when reading Gary Wilson's Your Brain on Porn.

Quote
In that very moment when you feel you’re weakest, when you feel like the urge is gonna defeat you, that’s the moment in which you need to stay strong. On the other side of that urge is your breakthrough

I hope you remember this the next time you reach that tenth or eleventh day. You can definitely do it. Break on through to the other side.

Take care
Title: Re: Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years
Post by: Free-man on October 17, 2019, 06:15:24 AM
Great Quote!
Title: Re: Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years
Post by: man_in_30s_rebootingnow on October 18, 2019, 03:24:56 PM
man_in_30s_rebootingnow

Here's a quote I remember encountering when reading Gary Wilson's Your Brain on Porn.

Quote
In that very moment when you feel you’re weakest, when you feel like the urge is gonna defeat you, that’s the moment in which you need to stay strong. On the other side of that urge is your breakthrough

I hope you remember this the next time you reach that tenth or eleventh day. You can definitely do it. Break on through to the other side.

Take care

Yes, that is the breaking point in which we need to hold our nerves. had we mastered that art we wouldn't be on this forum.
Title: Re: Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years
Post by: man_in_30s_rebootingnow on October 31, 2019, 04:14:56 PM
I have been donig very poor over last two weeks.

There were 4 relapses and a lot of Sexting and PMO. feeling like under a seize here.

I could not last longer than 6 days this month .

Total relapses in 2019 upto today - 73
Total relapses in year 2018 -           71
Total relapses in year 2017 -           92


I have been giving in to this addiction each time i get a slightest temptation in my brain and it just takes over me for 3-4 hours .
I just want to do my best in the remainder of 2019 and may be hit a 25 day clean streak at least this year before December 31st.
At some point this year i was aiming at 100 days streak and here I am aiming for a 25 days clean streak.
Is this that powerful that it is crushing my determination and will power in 2019 into bits and pieces?
I guess it is . or I guess I am not taking the command over my days and nights and life. That's why.

I will get back later. Take care guys . God Bless.
Title: Re: Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years
Post by: switcheroc on November 02, 2019, 10:57:32 AM
You seem to be facing big relapse problems, mate. You need to ask yourself these questions: How has porn consumption affected your life? What real negative effects are you seeing? And what positive effects have you experienced during your long streaks? I'm not finding any real motivation, so your "fight" is not there.

You shouldn't be "targeting" your relapses. If you really plan to quit, you should stop PMO cold turkey and target ZERO relapses! No more porn! Stop that shit okay bro!

We all got endless internet on our fingertips. Uninstall your "adult" apps and sexty stuff, delete any porn files, wipe your history and cache, unfollow porno twitter/instagram accounts, and instead of watching porn videos, watch NoFap videos on YouTube instead, you'll be surprised how that could motivate you. There was this 17yo teenage kid doing NoFap videos, he was off PMO for like 300 days, it was cool! When every other 17yo is beating his dick day in day out, this guy actually beat his addiction. I was like, "damn! If this kid can do it, I can totally do it!"
Title: Re: Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years
Post by: man_in_30s_rebootingnow on November 07, 2019, 11:04:53 PM
I agree . I am having some serious relapse problems. its like i act like i don't have a slight control over my actions. I truely believe that I don't have any control on my actions and that is my ONLY problem to be frank and yet I haven't taken control untill today.

That is tragic.

I relapsed today and yesterday so now its 2 relapses in november 2019 and so standing at 75 relapses in 2019.

I was also rejected after a final round job interview this week after making it past multiple rounds of interviewing and i am feeling like a loser in personal and professional life ! now that is double blow to my condifence.

I feel loads of guilt for sexting and wasting money on cam sites. i wish none of that ever happened in my life. I don't buy my wife a costly gift but i spent hundreds of dollars on cam sites for few minutes of P. I think i am falling so low in my life that I hate myself and feel so powerless, out of control or being controlled by sexting sites and PMO.

Hope to take back control of my life in my hands atleast from tomorrow! God Bless everyone.