Reboot Nation

Journals => Ages 30-39 => Topic started by: CB on June 02, 2019, 02:12:47 AM

Title: Flatline right now
Post by: CB on June 02, 2019, 02:12:47 AM
First of all, was a couple months since I wrote something here.. I’m checking back in.

I made it for 45 days without pmo a couple months back. Since then I have kept myself going without keeping much track on days but my use has been very limited, from once a week to maybe once every two or three weeks.
I told about my addiction to my girlfriend and she was very understanding luckily. What I’ve found the last couple of months is that my libido has gone to about absolutely zero.. I guess this is the flatlining effect of quitting a pmo addiction that’s lasted more than two decades and 3-10 times a days most likely..

I’m going to start my day counter on my phone and start keeping a little track of days and abstaining from p or mo.
The flatline made me anxious about my relationship but then I noticed.. Well I’ve been going pretty much with no pmo at all, so this must be the flatline. My brain wants to pmo right now more than wanting the real sex with my gf.
Anyone who’s recoqnized this too?
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: MindOverModem on June 02, 2019, 02:55:34 AM
First of all, keep up the good work! I too have noticed limited results when I try to just keep going on my own without checking in here and relying on my support system.

To me, that's what the flatline is all about: still craving porn but not used to natural Os if that makes sense. The brain is confused.
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: CB on June 02, 2019, 03:09:03 AM
Thanks for the reply and thank you!

Yeah I noticed I was in town couple of days ago and I didn’t even look at girls in the way as before. Before it could be like, wow now I know what I’ll be going home and fantasize about. But the last months it’s been like I’m not interested at all in looking. Which is a good thing though.. I don’t want to look at anyone as an object. It’s going to take time for sure. But it’s all worth it, I can’t stand the anxiety pmo brings. I want to put all that energy on my gf instead.
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: Reformed Fapper on June 02, 2019, 10:28:33 PM
The flatline is a good sign that youre heading in the right direction. I know the symptoms can get a little fucked up though. I had a similar problem during my reboot. I would get excited over the thought of fapping than to slamming my wife. Its a normal part of the process, and will pass soon so just hang in there and enjoy the flatline
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: CB on June 03, 2019, 10:28:10 AM
Thanks for the reply! Yeah it is a weird thing feeling like I’m starting to freak out like ”nooo Only sex with one person?” I’m glad it will pass but I will hang in there. This is for something much bigger than just sex.. I’m doing this so I can have a more healthy way of recognizing and handling feelings than to fap off and put the lid on.
It’s a weird thing, I’ve been feeling quite awful to my gf because of the feeling that I can’t choose multiple ways of pmo anymore, and not craving sex with her. The flatline is really a true state we are going through.
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: CB on June 04, 2019, 11:01:30 AM
Went out for a run today, felt good! But I noticed my cravings of pmo is higher short after I do workout.. And also my anxiety is a bit higher today, feeling a little easily angered today. Feelings is definitely not stable yet, I get bouts of feeling irritated and sad. I’m just going to push on through. Right now my addicted self craves of pmo to take care of this worry in my body. I’m trying to think about what the consequences are going to be, and I’m so tired of them. Never worth it.
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: CB on June 06, 2019, 12:38:31 AM
I’m going to write down my withdrawal symptoms I’ve had early on and later into recovery:

1st few weeks:

-Anxiety got higher, feeling worried or on edge.

-Agoraphobia, light and sound sensibility, started to avoid public spaces.

-Dizziness, had to sit down some times when I was visiting crowded areas, this goes with the anxiety and stress, worries about fainting.

-Depression

-Crying spells

-Cravings, strongest while worried or anxious.


Few months:

-Depression, not as bad as before.

-Flatline, my penis feels smaller and dead in some way. No lust for sex, very low libido.

-easily irritated

-Overreacting emotionally

-Cravings to watch P, brain trying to convince me it’s okay to just have a peek.

-Anxiety, it’s getting more manageable, not as much panic attacks or dizziness or agoraphobia.


I haven’t yet gone through 90days straight without pmo, But since I started last August-september I’ve gone longer and longer periods without it. I haven’t done it the hard mode way, but I’m sure I’m getting there. MO’ed once 2 weeks ago. Progress is in every day that goes by, coming from 3-5 PMO a day to this is great, and I’m striving to keep it away for the rest of my life. To regain control of my sex life and not feeling anxious or depressed over failure anymore.

Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: CB on June 07, 2019, 07:39:47 AM
Still feeling anxious and kind of living inside my head, but been out in the nature a lot and it feels very refreshing and soothing.
Easily irritable and feeling anxious about sex, it’s kind of like some type of expectation anxiety in a way False expectation, and negative thinking, typical anxiety, easier said than done to break out of.
Had some cravings to look at pics to start edging.. but have stayed away from that.
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: CB on June 08, 2019, 02:55:09 AM
If I’m going to do this and really be commited I thought to myself I have read up on recovery from adfiction in general. I came over some information about the stages we go through when recovering from sex/porn addiction. The writer believed it takes 3-5 years to recover from this addiction. It sounds reasonable to me. My nicotine addiction took about two years to recover from.. as I’ve conpared before.


The Developing Stage (up to 2 years)
The Crisis/Decision Stage (1 day to 3 months)
The Shock Stage (6 to 8 months)
The Grief Stage (6 months)
The Repair Stage (18 to 36 months)
The Growth Stage (2 plus years)

As we get into the 90 day challenge it is only the start of recovery, many of us hope we’ll be cured after 90 days and start to lose hope about recovering when they come to see the cravings and anxiety and grief is still there. I do believe we need to look further than that in a whole, being addicted for many many years is not going to just go away in 3 months, it is a great goal to set us on the way to recovery though. Of course everyone is going to recover differently, some faster some slower. I think it’s important to know how long it would actually take, as I thought that recovery would go quicker when I first joined here.
Hope you all are having a good day, I’m about to go fishing to get my mind set on something else than cravings to pmo.

Here’s the link to the great read: https://blogs.psychcentral.com/sex-addiction/2014/09/why-sex-addiction-recovery-takes-a-long-time-and-one-possible-exception/
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: CB on June 09, 2019, 08:28:41 AM
Hangover day, today has been harder to keep away from my phone and have a peek at girls. But I’ve stopped myself, there’s been 3 weeks straight now without any pmo or mo. Half a year ago I convinced myself that my body was going to get harmed from stopping masturbating, because I had done it too much for so many years.. That thought is fading away. Just another false belief from my addicted me.
Have a nice sunday guys.
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: CB on June 12, 2019, 01:39:38 AM
I’m still battling urges everyday to pmo, yesterday I fell into a trap when some friends posted nude pictures of some celebrity in a messenger group. Shortly after I found myself on the web looking at pics, but didn’t pmo. Urges has been stronger since that, but I try to put my mind on something else.
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: CB on June 13, 2019, 08:00:20 AM
Woke up during the middle of the night all anxious feeling ill. But it slowly faded and I drifted off to sleep again having lucid dreams about sexting and PMO. Have been feeling all anxious during the day today.. urges haven’t been as strong but they’re there for sure. I’ll go out for a run to try and easy my mind snd body a little.
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: CB on June 13, 2019, 12:39:34 PM
The stress due to being without pmo right now is taking its toll on me. Not only that but other things in life is stressful right now too.
I’m not going to pmo though, but right now I’m in a pit with anxiety. I’m glad I went out for a run earlier though it made me feel better.
Feeling little like a unstable emotional freak right now. Just going to keep doing something constructive like playing guitar or something..
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: CB on June 14, 2019, 11:34:59 AM
Today has been pretty good until I came home from work, urges has been strong and get these flashes of pictures or scenes in my head. But I’m keeping myself away still. It’s been a month since I last pmo one time during a stressful day. I’m going to read a book to set my mind on something else than p.
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: CB on June 15, 2019, 09:10:06 AM
Me and my gf tried to have sex this morning and my little one turned up with about 20% erection, it felt totally dead and I couldn’t even penetrate. As I felt this my mind started racing and the stress and frustration built up. Feeling sad because of this and scared.. I’m not even having morning wood anymore and my lust is gone..

Only way to find out is just to press on, the urge to just mo got higher after this to see if it still works. Of course it does, but yeah it’s difficult, really difficult right now..
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: CB on June 16, 2019, 02:20:29 AM
It’s scary how dead my penis is, it’s gotten smaller also. I don’t get morning wood at all, no erections at all in the moment. I hope it will start to show some life life at least soon, this gets me just worried. Haven’t pmo though..
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: CB on June 16, 2019, 01:01:39 PM
Definitely had more anxiety and feeling out of it today, had a rough night. Didn’t sleep much and helped some friends moving today. It felt a little better when helping and medting them, and I felt better when me and my gf went for a walk. Just going to take a few deep breaths and read something.
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: Pete McVries on June 17, 2019, 02:33:11 AM
It'll get better! Does your gf know about your problems? Try to spend some time with her away from penetration just like you did with her taking a stroll! Things will get better eventually, don't get distressed!
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: CB on June 17, 2019, 02:54:34 AM
Thanks man, I think everyone comes to the point when they get scared and think ”is this worth it?” or ”will it come back?” at least I’ve been thinking about it the last couple of days. Yeah, she knows everything and is very understanding about it, and that makes me so happy. I will, thanks for the encouragement man.
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: kenny on June 17, 2019, 06:56:52 PM
Hey man. Just read some of your thread.  I'm on day 78 right now and things have really changed for me. 
I had been PMOing since I was in my teens.  I'm 37 now.   
I have just noticed lots of the up's and down's during this time, but ultimately I am feeling so much better.
Takes quite a lot of time to re-program your brain after all this time, but it seems worth it.  My main thing is.. "is it worth it"?...  well.. there's really only one way to find out.  You gotta keep going and going and going.

I like the analogy of the bamboo tree..  you plant the seed and water it for, get this.. 5 years before it shoots out of the ground and fires up like 20 feet.
So imagine that you are working hard at this.. and you don't think it's working.. but maybe you were only a few days or few weeks away from feeling fantastic. 

Keep going buddy.. just keep going and don't look back.
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: CB on June 19, 2019, 08:52:52 AM
Thanks for the encouragement Kenny! Really appreciate it, i relapsed with mo to a girl on instagram this tuesday evening. Haven’t watched porn though.. but still mo to pictures in a way is the same thing.
Urges have been stronger and the fact I have no libido scares me a little, but I’m sure it will come back around someday.
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: kenny on June 19, 2019, 10:00:26 AM
Get knocked down 7 times, stand up 8.
Just get back on track and look at the bigger picture.  There is a reason that you want to do this.  Hold on to that reason every time you start to fall back.

And btw.  Yes.. no doubt at all. IG pictures will typically lead to something bigger. 
Really.. if you can avoid any temptations then it makes it easier.  But even if you do catch a glimpse of a photo online or in a magazine, or see a girl out in real life... you just have to work on being stronger than the urge.  Beat the urge.   I'm going through it a lot lately .. now on day 79.   
You know that you have the ability to do this..  and if you keep it going, you will begin to notice some wild changes for the better.
I am noticing so many .. and I feel like I have only just started my journey.

All the best on your journey. Overcome it.
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: Jones on June 19, 2019, 10:32:35 PM
The flatline is terrible. Most times i just want to tell my family that i don't think am gonna make it out, i literally cry over this shit almost everyday im 227+ days and still in the flatline. A month ago i use to experience withdrawal so hard i think I'd be better off dead seriously. At one point whenever i wake up a panic attack would come right after id have to try and stay awake to avoid it. I have alot more shit ive been through tbh,still no sign of my sex drive improving. Not much mood swing,these days im just angry for nothing,suicidal and sometimes i literally feel like to just start killing people due to my anger.im 18 I've never had a gf in my life i dont even have friends. I had to give my phone up to reach this far btw cuz i was always fucking up at 3 months. Dont know when shit will change,i pray for a change every night but nothing happens
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: CB on June 23, 2019, 12:30:30 AM
Thanks for replying, really appreciate it. I relapsed with pmo and I think the reason was this flatline scared the hell out of me. I relapsed 3 days ago, I let my guard down and of course I had a erection with the pmo. I just got scared and really anxious about my dead penis when me and my gf was going to have sex, and I’m worried this will happen everytime we will have sex. I have ADHD and OCD so it’s just making it worse. I’m ready to get proffesional treatment though.. My gf knows about everything and she is really understanding about it.
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: CB on July 03, 2019, 08:28:13 AM
I’ve been without pmo for 14 days right now, I relapced one time during a stressful day.
It’s getting easier than before to keep away from edging, and flatline is still the same. Don’t crave real sex but pmo. The brain goes into a grieving mode after a while and thoughts like ”will I never going to be able to pmo to different girls anymore!?” I get these panic type of thoughts but I know this is just one of the thoughts that used to be like, ”just one more time, it’s the last time” or ”Now that I’ve already relapced I could as well do it one or two more times today because tomorrow I’m free’’. Bullshit right? :)

Of to day 15.
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: Lero on July 03, 2019, 09:17:09 AM
The brain goes into a grieving mode after a while and thoughts like ”will I never going to be able to pmo to different girls anymore!?” I get these panic type of thoughts but I know this is just one of the thoughts that used to be like, ”just one more time, it’s the last time” or ”Now that I’ve already relapced I could as well do it one or two more times today because tomorrow I’m free’’. Bullshit right? :)

Of to day 15.

This sounds so familiar. When I told myself: "Okay, starting tomorrow no more PMO!" I felt this sadness in me like losing my best friend. It was the sadness of losing the pleasure, the comfort, the "sexually frustrated" excuse... Everything that PMO was for me now I had to leave it behind and instead of feeling good about it, I felt sad as fuck. It's annoying.

Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: CB on July 08, 2019, 02:21:43 AM
Yes the sadness about quitting comes and goes for a while it still does for me, it’s probably stronger now than in the beginning, but it is also fading. I have still no libido except for like 3 days ago I felt it getting back a little. Morning wood comes and goes, good and bad days. Erections are not 100% but they’re better than in the beginning. Me and my gf haven’t had sex in a while, but she knows about this, and I have my problems with performance anxiety due to this as well. Taking one step at a time. The seeker/chaser behavior has been less and less, some day ago I found myself looking at nude pics of celebs but managed to put away my phone to do something else.
day 19 now.
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: Greenzebra on July 10, 2019, 10:06:46 PM
The rationality that ooohh i could do it today ill be fine. Doesnt work. Its that little voice in your head that slowly gets louder tothat says keep doing your routine. Stick to it and switch that stimulus. You can do it.
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: CB on July 12, 2019, 07:10:21 AM
Checking in on day 23. Feel a little more tempted today when I’m just at home playing ps4. But I’m way better handling it right now than before. I know the consequences and all the anxiety isn’t worth it. Flatline is for better and for worse, haven’t had sex in a while. But it will come around I guess when I feel ready, no morning wood in a couple of days. Have a nice day
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: CB on July 15, 2019, 02:42:01 AM
Checking in on day 26

Me and my gf had successful sex yesterday, and my erection was long and 100% probably. I’m really relieved about that since I was having performance anxiety and intrusive thoughts last time and my penis felt dead.
Since yesterdays sex I got stronger urges though to watch p or pictures of girls. But I have kept myself away from that. I’m going to keep my eyes on the goal, and I never want to give in to the addiction again.
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: CB on July 20, 2019, 03:13:08 AM
Day 31 free from pmo

Flatline is really tough.. I get urges to go back on sites to watch ”just a little”. I feel actually depressed about leaving it behind, my ”safe zone”.. My lying, back stabbing, false safe zone..
I get days when I feel slight horniness though, about a week ago me and my gf had sex and my erection was really good. And now I’m back down with the zero libido.
There’s times when my brain starts to fantasize about scenes and or sexting text I’ve been part of, and I feel this sadness about leaving it behind. I’m not going back, ever.. This is part of recovering from any addiction I guess. I’m so happy about having a caring and understanding gf though, she really the best.
Flatline is tough, I have never felt like this asexual before and it’s scary. I also know that it will probably take some time before it’s getting better, just hanging on.
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: Lero on July 20, 2019, 04:37:12 AM
Day 31 free from pmo

Flatline is really tough.. I get urges to go back on sites to watch ”just a little”. I feel actually depressed about leaving it behind, my ”safe zone”.. My lying, back stabbing, false safe zone..
I get days when I feel slight horniness though, about a week ago me and my gf had sex and my erection was really good. And now I’m back down with the zero libido.
There’s times when my brain starts to fantasize about scenes and or sexting text I’ve been part of, and I feel this sadness about leaving it behind. I’m not going back, ever.. This is part of recovering from any addiction I guess. I’m so happy about having a caring and understanding gf though, she really the best.
Flatline is tough, I have never felt like this asexual before and it’s scary. I also know that it will probably take some time before it’s getting better, just hanging on.

That's something I'm fighting with too. There is this sadness of leaving P behind, like losing my best friend. I have moments when I find myself thinking: "How the fuck am I supposed to continue my life without this pleasure? Without the fun that I used to have with P. I want to go back there and have fun without having to worry about it." Discovering the harms of P was a tough blow to my enjoynment but neccessary because I was trapped in a self-destructive activity while thinking I had the fun of my life. Fucking annoying thing, man. It's destructive but you love it. At the end of the day you have to choose one. I still love P so much. I like it like the best thing on Earth. But I don't want it. I don't need it.
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: CB on July 20, 2019, 09:53:15 AM
Yeah it’s really tough, at times I really miss it. But it’s so easy to fall down, always easier to take the easy way. And unfortunately that way only leads to despair.. Broken relationships and broken hearts. God knows what.. I’m not going there and I hope none of you on here are going down there.
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: stepbystep on July 20, 2019, 07:43:51 PM
Of to day 15.

Nice congrats! Keep going!
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: CB on July 22, 2019, 09:05:44 AM
Thanks man! It’s taken many relapses to get this far.. Man.. ten years ago I told myself I can’t keep on doing this.. It’s hard work, and I feel like all the fun is over. But I know when the impulses and urges start to fade, happiness will be stronger.
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: stepbystep on July 22, 2019, 09:56:46 PM
Thanks man! It’s taken many relapses to get this far.. Man.. ten years ago I told myself I can’t keep on doing this.. It’s hard work, and I feel like all the fun is over. But I know when the impulses and urges start to fade, happiness will be stronger.

True dat! You will get true long term happiness from staying away from porn. You will experience life and happiness that way. Keep up the great work!
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: CB on July 23, 2019, 09:17:33 AM
Yeah, It’s a wonderful feeling, feeling you’ve got no secret to hide. I hope I can stay this way, and keep going forward. Sex/porn addiction has been my biggest fear all my life.. I honestly thought if I would stop doing this that I would go insane, I used to think that like 10 years ago. I have self medicated myself for so long, it’s time to put an stop to it now and face the fear.
It’s tough being an addict.. but it feels good to face the truth.

Day 34 right now.
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: Pete McVries on July 25, 2019, 07:06:05 AM
Congrats on being clean for over a month. Keep the momentum going. In a month or so, urges and cravings tend to become a lot weaker and abstaining from PMO will start to become the new "normal" for you which makes your recovery a lot easier!

Take care!
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: CB on July 25, 2019, 09:45:16 AM
Thanks Pete! Doing my best! Actually I had a bad night with less sleep, and my urges and cravings have somewhat skyrocketed today. It’s really tough but I’ve resisted. One of the places where it’s always is tough especially is when showering.. But the impulses are getting a little less powerful, so that’s good.

Day 36 today.
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: CB on July 27, 2019, 03:46:59 AM
Me and my gf had really good sex yesterday and my erection was lasting forever, I found myself thinking to myself, ”I used to be so worried about you”. :) Damn this feels good. The downside though is that I’ve been getting strong urges to pmo today.
Going out having lunch with my gf and then pff to the beach.

Day 38 without pmo.
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: Pete McVries on July 27, 2019, 05:07:50 AM
Good news! :)

I've been feeling the same lately and it's still mind-boggling to me. But a very welcomed feeling. ;D

Keep up the good work!
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: stepbystep on July 28, 2019, 01:34:29 PM
Great job! Thanks for inspiring me that it is possible. I have gone years without porn, but it's back and I'm trying my best to avoid it again!
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: CB on July 30, 2019, 07:57:46 AM
Thanks guys!

Day 41 now.

Yesterday was really tough, had really really strong urges to watch p or instagram girls.
I went as far as to google some stuff and just stopped myself. I noticed my libido went higher and the urges too after we had sex, so there’s definitely some pitfalls to look out for.
I’m going out for a run to get my mind more focused.
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: CB on August 01, 2019, 10:12:31 AM
Day 43 checking in.

I was googling on some girls, but have stopped myself each and every time. I’ll have to put away my phone more during the days. I’ve got a bad period right now, strong urges and compulsions. It’s like impulses and I go kind of like autopilot on google.
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: CB on August 04, 2019, 04:16:07 PM
The urges have quieted down, and I’m happy to say I broke a record for myself in going 46 days without pmo. I get these longing feelings and the sadness about quitting though. I get these false beliefs that the girls I used to sext with would be good for me. I know this isn’t true. It’s the addict in me whispering.. ”Just one more time, please”
I just feel good about trying to leave this behind. For over two decades held me in its grips..
The addiction hates me, and I’m happy to love myself a little more than before. Step by step..
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: Lero on August 05, 2019, 04:20:09 AM
The urges have quieted down, and I’m happy to say I broke a record for myself in going 46 days without pmo. I get these longing feelings and the sadness about quitting though. I get these false beliefs that the girls I used to sext with would be good for me. I know this isn’t true. It’s the addict in me whispering.. ”Just one more time, please”
I just feel good about trying to leave this behind. For over two decades held me in its grips..
The addiction hates me, and I’m happy to love myself a little more than before. Step by step..

Outstanding progress, man! Almost fucking 50 days!

I know about the "sadness". Porn produces a big dopamine raise so of course we feel sad for giving that up. But we must do it, because it's harmful for us.
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: CB on August 05, 2019, 03:13:06 PM
Thanks a lot Lero!

Yeah 47 day in the bag right now! My libido has been under control today, last days it has been higher, and the urges as well.
Yeah, Takes time, and I’ll gladly be moving towards sober life. Had a dream about me pmo’ing.
It’s crazy what tricks my brain pulls out..I’m feeling more stable today though!
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: CB on August 09, 2019, 10:17:08 AM
It’s day 51, no looking back.

I’m working hard on myself, trying to improve myself. But the urges are many. Compulsively going in looking at girls on instagram and fantasizing. This is the behavior I’ve been used to for over 20 years. Looking forward for it droping off little by little.
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: NewStart04 on August 10, 2019, 01:07:02 AM
CB,

Congratulations on reaching 51 days. I hope to be that far in someday soon, but for now I've only reached 10.

I've been hit with a lot of anxiety as well. This in part comes (at least in my case) from the fact that we can use pornography (or any addiction) as an emotional crutch to deal with stress and difficult emotions, which turns porn use into our default coping response. Also, addiction is a disease that affects our brain, and one of the fundamental brain changes that occurs in addicts is a malfunctioning stress system. What this means is that when we come into contact with a stressor, our body responds with a more exaggerated response than normal, sending our stress system into overdrive and inducing many withdrawal symptoms (including anxiety). I understand that even if we are aware of this, it doesn't make the anxiety disappear. I really wish it did. But hopefully this information provides you with some solace, that is assuming you didn't know it already.

I noticed you mentioned a few times that you felt more cravings after having sex with your partner. Have you ever heard of the chaser effect? After we orgasm, porn addicts may have intense cravings. So you might want to consider avoiding orgasm (either from sex or masturbation without porn) for a longer period to give your brain time to recover. If you still still want to have sex, there is a technique out there called Karezza that allows you to do so without orgasming. Please check it out if you're interested.

Lastly, I think it is important to remember that addiction revolves around dopamine. By fantasizing or looking at images on the internet (not necessarily pornographic, scantily clad women or just women that you find attractive can lead to this as well), we are actually creating spurts of dopamine within us that activate our porn-conditioned circuitry and impede the progress of recovery. I am only ten days in, going through one of the most difficult periods of my life (lots of external stressors), but I have miraculously been able to push past all the obstacles (urges, withdrawals, desensitization) so far, completely PMO free, and I think that this is thanks to the fact that I have been on monk mode (i.e. no fantasy, avoiding any intentional peeks at content that I could perceive as sexually stimulating) almost the entire time. I am still early in my recovery, but I think I feel more recovered compared to my past streaks.

Sorry if my response was a bit long, but I have read and watched a lot on this subject over the past year, and I just wanted to share something that could potentially be helpful to you on your journey.

Wishing you all the best, I am really glad to hear you have a supportive partner. Keep up the good fight!

Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: CB on August 13, 2019, 11:29:48 AM
Thanks NewStart04!

Some really good advice in there! Yes anxiety hit me as well really hard in the beginning of autumn last year when I decided to quit. I had dizziness for weeks and agoraphobia. The dizziness has gone and the agoraphobia is under more control. I can go and shop things and stuff now on my own without panicking. I think people in general with some sort of addiction is more prone to anxiety and or other mental health problems. I as you have been diagnosed with ADHD and OCD. I’ve learnt more about these conditions and how I react in certain situations since I quit pmo.

It’s day 55 now, and I have noticed these dopamine highs I get from watching pictures. Going hard mode just one little step by step. I had to ween myself off this addiction, I relapsed a ton of times and now I’m almost on 60 days. Crazy!!!
But I can never let down my guard, it will always be there.
I have found working out and going out running to be very helpful! 

Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: Lero on August 13, 2019, 12:04:25 PM
Anxiety sucks. I also suffer from social anxiety, general anxiety and panic. Mild OCD too. I don't know if porn created them or if I had them and porn made them worse, or if they have nothing to do with porn. I guess I need to quit porn first and then see what's going on.
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: NewStart04 on August 16, 2019, 09:26:43 AM
CB

I just saw your post now. Sorry about that. I would have replied sooner had I known.

Yea, sometimes I get wrapped up on which is the chicken and which is the egg for me (did addiction create the disorders, or did they create my addiction). This might sound strange, but just getting caught up in thoughts about this can cause me some pretty intense anxiety. But I think I am getting better about this and other obsessive thoughts. If I abstain from this addiction long enough, I will provide myself with real life data that will give me a good idea about which is the chicken and which is the egg. I just have to learn to live more in the moment so that I don't get overwhelmed by it and blow my chance to experiment and learn more about myself.

Day 55! Which means by now you've passed the two month mark right? That's incredible. The furthest I ever made it was two months. You have a great mindset right now I think. What I remember at that time was things got noticeably better, but because of that I let my guard down. When something hit me at two months (I had a painful and scary physical attack in the middle of the night), I was pushed way out of my comfort zone. I was unprepared and reacted without thinking about the consequences. But it seems like you have this base covered, which means that you are 2/3s there to the coveted 90 days. Keep at it!
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: CB on August 20, 2019, 10:36:53 AM
No worries, I’m myself a little on and off right now with writing on here.

I’m at day 62 right now. Urges are still coming and going, irritable and stressed and worried at times. But way easier to not relapse as than during the first few weeks. Taking day by day, trying to live a little more healthy. Not as much junk food and going out running is doing good for me.

Yeah I know about the anxiety stuff too, had some type of light nausea last night when we went to bed. My mind wanted to just pmo, to make the anxiety go away and the nausea feeling. I’m so good at getting stuck in those type of anxiety circuits. Fearing I’ll have light nausea again this night of course. I hope you guys are doing well!
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: NewStart04 on August 21, 2019, 09:36:29 AM
CB

Sorry to hear about last night. Wish you didn't have to go through that. But you successfully made it through and gave your brain another day to recover and heal.

Good luck with the next day.
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: CB on August 30, 2019, 08:59:30 AM
I haven’t been in here in a while writing, just reading others post for some encouragement. I’m on day 72 right now, had some really vivid dreams couple days ago and my urges got really bad. But I managed to keep them at bay. I went on to some sites to look at stuff the other day.. not a good idea, it’s like my brain goes in to this compulsive mode straight away, finding myself having impulses to write down those adresses on google to go in for a peek.. I need to get better hold of myself and keep away from just looking at pictures..
Definitely need to work on that.. Otherwise I’m doing well. It’s getting better, but I’m just in the beginning phase of trying to get this addiction under control and quit. This is a good start, just being aware that I don’t have to hide anything feels great!
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: RayReboot on August 30, 2019, 12:34:56 PM
Hello new on here,
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: CB on September 02, 2019, 09:02:05 AM
Hello! Welcome RayReboot!

I’m on day 75, I went in to a site to have a look.. It’s so stupid. It’s like throwing fuel on a fire.. I’m 15 days away from 90 days. And I haven’t felt the urges as often and strong as before. I know how a relapse feels like and it’s not just worth it.. It will last for seconds and then I’ll feel shameful and bad about myself. I’m always trying to think about the consequences now to keep myself in check. Good thing is I haven’t felt really anxious today. Have a good day guys!
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: Lero on September 02, 2019, 09:10:03 AM
Hello! Welcome RayReboot!

I’m on day 75, I went in to a site to have a look.. It’s so stupid. It’s like throwing fuel on a fire.. I’m 15 days away from 90 days. And I haven’t felt the urges as often and strong as before. I know how a relapse feels like and it’s not just worth it.. It will last for seconds and then I’ll feel shameful and bad about myself. I’m always trying to think about the consequences now to keep myself in check. Good thing is I haven’t felt really anxious today. Have a good day guys!

Great, man. Stay away from looking at anything because the shit gets out of control. Every little "insignificant thing" that we think we could handle it easily, has the potential to sabotages us. I know because this is what just happened to me.
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: CB on September 02, 2019, 10:15:42 AM
Quote
Great, man. Stay away from looking at anything because the shit gets out of control. Every little "insignificant thing" that we think we could handle it easily, has the potential to sabotages us. I know because this is what just happened to me.

Thanks man! You’re totally right! Sorry to hear about your relapse, but you will get there, the only as long as you keep going forward, you’ll get there!
I need to get much better at controling my behavior with how I use the internet.
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: CB on September 12, 2019, 10:12:46 AM
Day 85

The other day I found some bad sotes to look at, and it all went downhill.. I went on a sexchat site and started chatting ”just for fun” while hungover after a night out. I started writing to someone and after almost 5mins I clicked down the window. I didn’t touch myself and I’m happy about that. But I have been feeling such shame and anxiety and remorse. Just awful.. the last days have been tough, but I’ve managed not to pmo. I can’t keeping looking back.. I just need to take both feet out of the grave If I’m going to make it.
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: CB on September 17, 2019, 09:27:51 AM
It’s day 90!

Keeping going, I’ve got a long way to go, this is just a stepping stone to sobriety. Since I still get urges and I still get impulses to go look at pictures. Need to cut away these behaviors and it will get easier. But I’m no where near ”healed” I’ll never be healed, I can just stay sober and that is my choice. Can’t believe I got this far from thinking every day to myself.. ”this is the last time i pmo:ed”. For years I did that to myself, the repetitive circle of guilt and shame. I’ll keep continuing to improve myself.
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: The Unhappy Fapper on September 17, 2019, 12:31:14 PM
It’s day 90!

Keeping going, I’ve got a long way to go, this is just a stepping stone to sobriety. Since I still get urges and I still get impulses to go look at pictures. Need to cut away these behaviors and it will get easier. But I’m no where near ”healed” I’ll never be healed, I can just stay sober and that is my choice. Can’t believe I got this far from thinking every day to myself.. ”this is the last time i pmo:ed”. For years I did that to myself, the repetitive circle of guilt and shame. I’ll keep continuing to improve myself.

Damn man, congrats on the milestone CB! Glad you have made it so far. I hope you keep your resolve though man because you're an inspiration to the rest of us!
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: CB on September 18, 2019, 12:15:47 PM
Thanks man! Trying my best, as I wrote a couple days ago about my ”venture” online in a chat, I’m so disapointed in myself about that. I got to let go entirely from going online and looking at pictures of girls on instagram or facebook.. It’s part of the behavior. Day 92 now.
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: Atlantis100 on September 18, 2019, 05:17:00 PM
Hi there; I’m on my 5th day of no pmo after a two week binge; I’m wondering if I’m in a flatline period? I have no sexual desire whatsoever; can’t get erection, low energy& motivation, fatigue  usually after 5 days I would be extra horny; is this normal? How long does it last ? I would appreciate anyone’s experience on this subject.
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: CB on September 19, 2019, 04:50:55 AM
Hi Atlantis100, you could be getting a flatline on day 2 or after a mont or two, it is different for everybody. But it sounds like you’ve got a flatline right now. If you look back in this post you can see I had a flatline for a month before it eventually cleared up. Don’t go and try to pmo just to try if your dick still works, I did that in fear of it being dead. It will take time and we have to be in no rush with this addiction. Trying to stop an addiction takes years.

Day 93 for me right now, had some urges to look at pics yesterday but avoided it.
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: Lero on September 19, 2019, 06:10:36 AM
Wow, man! You made it! 90 fucking days, man! This is another success.
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: CB on September 19, 2019, 08:30:33 AM
Thank you Lero! :)
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: Jones on September 20, 2019, 08:31:37 PM
Hi Atlantis100, you could be getting a flatline on day 2 or after a mont or two, it is different for everybody. But it sounds like you’ve got a flatline right now. If you look back in this post you can see I had a flatline for a month before it eventually cleared up. Don’t go and try to pmo just to try if your dick still works, I did that in fear of it being dead. It will take time and we have to be in no rush with this addiction. Trying to stop an addiction takes years.

Day 93 for me right now, had some urges to look at pics yesterday but avoided it.
When you where in the flatline did your dick shrink as in flaccid size? It seems im in a terrible and weird af flatline...i can have sex still but i have zero "sex drive" i just get erections (ive only done it once) and no morning wood but i get nocturnal wood,i sometimes still get massive mood swings its been 317+ days and still no sign of life sexually... Im wondering if ive broken my dick or something. I literally stay up all day and late nights trying to figure out the whole thing.
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: CB on September 21, 2019, 02:02:12 AM
Hi Jones!

Yes my dick has actually also shrunk, but I guess it is doing what it supposed to do, if your not using it as often it doesn’t have to be ”ready”. I was pmo:ing like 3-10 times a day sometimes and it is just too much.. So I think the thing about it shrinking is just because it doesn’t have to be used that much anymore. We shouldn’t have to worry about that, because that is another thing about porn is the size in guys dicks, and what they’re expected to be in porn damaged society. I too have less sex drive than before, sometimes I wonder why, but it is a long process to let go of a addiction that’s been with me so long. Don’t freak out about your erections and about having sex, it will take time. We have to be patient and not stress things I think, it will eventually clear up as we get used to our sober life and not compare it with how we used to be while using pmo.
Me and my gf haven’t had sex in over a month, but I honestly think it is quite good for me in my rewiring process. Because I get morning woods now, and when we kiss sometimes more intimatly I start to get an erection straight away. And last time we had sex my erection lasted for ever, and it’s never been that way before.

Day 94
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: NewStart04 on September 21, 2019, 04:03:24 PM
I know days aren't everything, but 94 days is no small feat by any means. Congratulations CB! Your name must stand for Confident Boss because you're showing this addiction what's what.

Have you noticed any consistent changes in your ADHD or OCD? I would love to hear about them if you have.

Wishing the best for you and your partner.

Take care
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: Lero on September 21, 2019, 05:11:05 PM
I know days aren't everything, but 94 days is no small feat by any means. Congratulations CB! Your name must stand for Confident Boss because you're showing this addiction what's what.

Have you noticed any consistent changes in your ADHD or OCD? I would love to hear about them if you have.

Wishing the best for you and your partner.

Take care

Damn, man, day 94 this is wow! You know, I've been wondering too if porn made my social anxiety and my OCD get worse, or if it created them. But I guess I will have to quit porn first and then see. It will take some time.
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: CB on September 22, 2019, 07:20:10 AM
Haha Thanks guys! It feels good to be without the shame, but it is like I have this fear of some day I’m in the mess again. And I still miss it, I think I’m still in the grievance stage of it all. My OCD has been coming at me full force with all types of doubts, intrusive thoughts like. ”Do you really love your gf?” or ”What if I’m really gay because of the loss in libido?” and so on. So it has found a way of feed itself on this. As with my ADHD it is pretty much the same, but I need to get out and workout to keep my worry in check. I noticed since I stopped this my fear of social situations with people I don’t know that much has flared up, like going out for dinners is really distressing at points. I know all of these things are connected to OCD/ADHD/Anxiety in general. But it is better now than it was a year ago. But I still need to work on myself when it comes to the anxiety, and the addiction has really been a part to calming myself and self medicate myself.
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: Jones on September 22, 2019, 09:42:01 AM
Hi Jones!

Yes my dick has actually also shrunk, but I guess it is doing what it supposed to do, if your not using it as often it doesn’t have to be ”ready”. I was pmo:ing like 3-10 times a day sometimes and it is just too much.. So I think the thing about it shrinking is just because it doesn’t have to be used that much anymore. We shouldn’t have to worry about that, because that is another thing about porn is the size in guys dicks, and what they’re expected to be in porn damaged society. I too have less sex drive than before, sometimes I wonder why, but it is a long process to let go of a addiction that’s been with me so long. Don’t freak out about your erections and about having sex, it will take time. We have to be patient and not stress things I think, it will eventually clear up as we get used to our sober life and not compare it with how we used to be while using pmo.
Me and my gf haven’t had sex in over a month, but I honestly think it is quite good for me in my rewiring process. Because I get morning woods now, and when we kiss sometimes more intimatly I start to get an erection straight away. And last time we had sex my erection lasted for ever, and it’s never been that way before.

Day 94
I feel fucked up man idk whats wrong with me. Ive never had a girlfriend in my life btw so i definitely need rewiring... Most likely thats what taking place now but if i can manage to get a girl that would be nice. Ive only had sex once n i was super nervous but after that i feel more confident still not approach ed any one yet but soon. My mood swing is bad but yesterday i felt like a God so much energetic and talkative plus increase confidence but at the end of the day i want my damn dick back i cant be happy without this its like i have no purpose i don't even know what it feels like to be loved or needed am such a screwed kid. Its hard man cuz im really impatient...if i want something i need it now im waiting too long now it frustrating and these damn girls are always flirting with me n i cant do shit about that this makes me feel like 0
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: CB on September 25, 2019, 03:31:30 PM
Day 98 right now, I’ve had stronger cravings today and have been feeling anxious. Think it’s because I haven’t worked out in over 2 weeks since I’ve been sick.

Jones: Don’t worry too much about the girl part, you’ll get there. Spend time on stuff that makes you feel good and the rest will follow. Don’t worry about the flatline, it has to happen, because our brains are so used to the dopamine overload. It takes time, a lot of time. I’m having days too when I feel like all I want is to pmo, but I know the consequences are not worth it anymore, I’m focusing on things that make me feel good. My dick is also smaller than before.. but it works more than well to have sex with my gf, better than before. So don’t worry about, I know it can be hard but it will get better.
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: NewStart04 on September 25, 2019, 10:58:29 PM
CB

As always, you're an inspiration. I hope you get well soon.
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: CB on September 26, 2019, 10:28:14 AM
Thanks Newstart04!

Today has been tough, cravings still high. Get dreams of sex again last couple nights. But I know this is just another phase of the addict in my trying to get a grip.
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: NewStart04 on September 27, 2019, 06:00:31 AM
CB

Do you think they were just the result of your addicted brain lashing out, or do you think they were triggered by some stimulus?
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: CB on September 27, 2019, 02:52:52 PM
I think they might be tougher because I have been home sick and not been out as much. And the addicted me makes up things so ”maybe I could just try one more time, and then I could make it without it?”. You see where the thought patterns are going. :)
It is easier to notice these feelings and cravings are coming on stronger when I’m not having my normal routines. I went out fishing with a friend today and I wasn’t even thinking one minute about it. It felt great! Thanks for asking! I haven’t been active very much in others posts lately and I feel guilt because of that, but I’ll spend more time on here because we help each other out no matter hhow many days with or without pmo we are. take care
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: NewStart04 on September 27, 2019, 04:20:42 PM
CB

Thank you for answering!

I am glad to hear you were able to recognize that your addicted brain is trying to use its rational center to trick you into relapsing again. I've been getting better at counter-rationalizing my brain during moments like these. It's been working so far.

I hope you were able to catch some fish. Did you cook something afterward?

I hope you don't feel guilty. You really should post as much as you feel comfortable. If that's 100 posts a day, then wow! If it's 0, then that's totally understandable, or at least that's how I view it.

Hope you have another great PMO-free day.
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: CB on October 11, 2019, 05:04:40 PM
Day 115

If you as I started to doubt that your PIED is not going away, I can assure you that it will! I thought it wouldn’t go away but this shit works. I have always obsessed about my erection during sex and before sex.. Just need to keep staying away from porn and it will come back. It will take time, and I’m sure I have to let it take time to get better.
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: NewStart04 on October 17, 2019, 01:11:01 AM
CB

Always an inspiration. Keep on blazing the path forward. I'll be following you in the distance, behind the cloud of road dust you're kicking up while accelerating to recovery.

CB = Clearly the Best at inspiring fellow rebooters in their 30s.

Take care
Title: Re: Flatline right now
Post by: CB on October 18, 2019, 06:28:59 AM
Thanks for the support! Haha Wow that’s nice of you! It’s actually day 121 now! That’s crazy!
I hope you guys are doing good! It’s a rollercoaster.. Some days have been really hard and I have to admit.. I’ve gone as far as looking at porn maybe two or three times last three weeks. But no pmo, I have been able to get myself out of the ”just take a peek” behavior and refocus on other stuff. This is going to be a long process.. I’m expecting a couple of years before I’ll be calling myself sober, or healthy.

It kicks up a lot of mixed emotions for sure.. feelings from when I was younger. And social anxiety have been coming back more because I don’t have something to supress those feelings with now.
I’m starting to see how other things than sex is really important in a relationship. Taking care of each other and touching and giving each other encouraging words. Loving each other is not like a movie where you are levitating from the ground all the time. It’s about chosing to be with someone you love and care about, everything is not perfect. I feel more calm within myself with that. Before it has been about black/white thinking from my part.  I’m so thankful to being aware about myself.

Have a good friday guys