Reboot Nation

Journals => Ages 30-39 => Topic started by: MindOverModem on June 01, 2019, 04:00:55 PM

Title: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: MindOverModem on June 01, 2019, 04:00:55 PM
DAY 1

After countless attempts to do this on my own, after a long streak that ended not long after I stopped posting here, I'm trying again.

I just turned 30, and I don't want P to continue robing my of my time the way it did in my 20s.

Day 1 has been all over the place. I feel immensely relieved to have 24 hours free from it. At the same time, the cravings have been overwhelming. As a wise man once said, and the founder of Reboot Nation quoted, "If you're going through hell, keep going.

I'm well aware of that truth in recovery that if you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always got. This time, I'm going to try to do it in hard mode at least for a little while. The timing works out since my girlfriend and I are doing long distance at the moment.

 I've never gone more than 7 days without M, so we'll see how that goes. I'm trying to just focus on one day at a time and know that a much more satisfying sex life awaits.

I'm so grateful RN is here. Thank you all for your support.
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: Johnny Trailer on June 01, 2019, 04:08:34 PM
Quote
I feel immensely relieved to have 24 hours free from it
you rarely went 24h without porn and 7 days without M is a distant memory?

do you have a PIED with your gf?
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: MindOverModem on June 02, 2019, 05:28:02 AM
Quote
I feel immensely relieved to have 24 hours free from it
you rarely went 24h without porn and 7 days without M is a distant memory?

do you have a PIED with your gf?

No PIED but it has definitely had a negative impact on my sex life and level of intimacy. I'll tell my story in full here at some point.
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: MindOverModem on June 02, 2019, 06:16:13 AM
Looking at my past relapses, I've noticed a pattern. I never went straight back into P by looking at P. Every time I've stopped looking at it for a while and gone back, the relapse starts with sexual podcasts or articles. I want to get off and I tell myself that what I'm doing isn't the same thing as looking at P.

This is something to be mindful of moving forward. The simple rule would be this: if it's stimulation that comes from a device and not another human, it's out of bounds.
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: MindOverModem on June 02, 2019, 12:42:03 PM
DAY 2

Today was a good day. I went for a couple of long walks and spent some time in nature. Cravings did come up, but I felt like I could observe them at a distance, watching them come and go. I did a long meditation session this morning and that helped a lot.

I also started reading The Porn Myth. It's so good. Not only does it smash the delusion that my porn use "wasn't that bad..." but it emphasizes the harm caused by the industry as a whole. Ultimately, my decision to stop looking at porn is an effort to live in a way that is more in line with my values. The book illustrates that side of the anti-porn argument beautifully.

I am grateful for the help I have in rebooting: from RN, Fight the New Drug https://fightthenewdrug.org/ (https://fightthenewdrug.org/), and The Porn Myth.
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: Reformed Fapper on June 02, 2019, 10:33:02 PM
Congrats on making it to day 2!
It doesnt sound like much but given your porn usage its a long time!
Its usually around the 3 or 4 day mark when you really start to feel the withdrawal symptoms, so just be aware of what hey are and why they occur so you can ignore them.
Try to develop a physical aversion to porn. Use your imagination. Tell yourself something like the women on the videos you watch are all filthy disease ridden whores, whove had more cocks in all their holes than youve had haircuts in your life. theyre awful people with no feelings and shouldnt be treated as human beings. theyre only there to try and get you to relapse and ruin your life! and the scumbags that film the porn are just as bad and are at the same level of scumbaggery as the actresses themselves (unless its amateur porn, then its whoever turns the camera on)
something like that, something that makes it unbearable to even think about.
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: MindOverModem on June 03, 2019, 02:16:00 AM
Thank you for your encouragement, Reformed. 2 days feels like a big deal. I've gone longer before, but that's not the point. There's an intention and a structure to the way I'm approaching my reboot today that was absent in my previous attempts where I was just white-knuckling and counting days.

I see what you're saying about creating an aversion. One tool I learned from The Porn Myth is to think myself through my reasons for quitting any time a craving strikes (which has been a lot these past few days.) One technique is to "finish the fantasy." In AA, we call this "playing the tape through." Instead of just focusing on the pleasurable feeling you crave, think about the entire experience. Think about the shame and sense of defeat and the clean up after. Then think about whether that's what you really want.

If thinking about these people as disease-ridden scumbags works for you, that's great. I'm not criticizing your approach. I try to come at it from an angle of compassion. Whether the women on screen are good or bad or slutty doesn't matter. The truth is that when I fap to them, I'm treating them like objects whose sole purpose is to help me get off. I don't want to do that.

I believe every human being should be treated as a human being, and when I look at P, I'm treating people as objects, not human beings. Bottom line.

I don't want to get into a big thing about whether porn performers are good or bad people. The way I see it, they are often vulnerable, unhealthy people. Mentally, physically, and spiritually. I don't see someone out in public with obvious signs of mental illness and think "that's fucking hot."

Again, not criticizing your view. I respect anything that helps someone not look at P. I just know for me, an attitude of shame and judgment is a little too close to how I see these women when I'm using them to get off. Ultimately my reboot is about love and respect for myself and others.

Thank you for your comment. I'm not sure I would have thought all this through otherwise.
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: MindOverModem on June 03, 2019, 09:38:20 AM
DAY 3 --The Three-Day Hump is Real

Interesting day today. Before work and during breaks, I worked on recovery journal prompts. I finished reading The Porn Myth which has some excellent practical suggestions, and I started Out of the Shadows which is easily the best thing I've ever read on sex addiction. With both of these books, I keep underlining things that make me say "this is me!" I can relate to reaching for P in moments of stress and loneliness, a behavior which only makes me lonelier and therefore craving more P and isolation. Another habit is remorse and picking a start date to be "done with P forever" which of course never works out.

I feel encouraged by these books to take a more structured approach to my reboot.

Today has been a good day overall even though I dealt with a lot of craving. I woke up (with morning wood, yay!) Thinking about a woman from real life. A part of me wanted to M and was thinking "what's the harm, thinking about her isn't the same as looking at P." But I reminded myself that the behavior I'm trying to overcome is the habit of seeing people as means to an end for sexual gratification. I watched that craving pass and got on with my day.

Here are a few things I did to work on my reboot today.

I listed my negative motivations:
What do I lose by pursuing P?
What is it costing me?
What could it cost me?
What is it costing the people I love?

I listed my positive motivations:
What can I gain from rebooting?
How will rebooting improve my life?
What kind of person do I want to become?

I made a plan of action
I listed some things I can do when I feel a craving coming on.

I listed my triggers
Everything from certain social media accounts (which I muted or unfollowed) to feeling nervous about going to the doctor. I wrote down each one and what I can do instead of looking at P when these come up.

I "finished the fantasy"
In AA, we talk about "playing the tape through" this means if you're going to think about having a drink, you better think about everything that will happen as a result. I'm nearly 5 years sober. Occasionally I think about drinking or taking drugs, but I have trained myself to finish the thought and remember where that leads. It might start out as fun, but a hospital bed and a lot of shameful conversations and excuses is where it leads.

To "finish the fantasy" I walked myself through what a porn relapse will look like, how I'll feel, what it will be like to get back on RN and reset my number of days. So yeah, a little PM might be fun, but the more I put work into my reboot, the less I want to give all that up for a few seconds of pleasure and a few hours of mindless browsing.

* * *

I hope sharing this helps someone out there. It's helping me stay away from P one day at a time. I'm grateful for this outlet and this community. Thank you all for reading.
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: Pete McVries on June 03, 2019, 11:52:09 AM
Hi MOM (I never imagined, I'd write that in a porn addiction recovery forum ;D)!

I'm wishing you all the best in overcoming your addiction and I'm glad you've picked up The Porn Myth. It really helped me a great deal.
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: BootLoader on June 03, 2019, 12:00:38 PM
Quote
So yeah, a little PM might be fun, but the more I put work into my reboot, the less I want to give all that up for a few seconds of pleasure and a few hours of mindless browsing.
There is not even a second of pleasure with P. We are just M alone in a dark room. I believe after a very long abstention without PMO and MO the M thing is the worst act I ever did in my life. PMO and MO is a very elegant enemy, it destroys our lives without even getting know it.
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: MindOverModem on June 03, 2019, 12:22:15 PM
Hi MOM (I never imagined, I'd write that in a porn addiction recovery forum ;D)!

I'm wishing you all the best in overcoming your addiction and I'm glad you've picked up The Porn Myth. It really helped me a great deal.

HAHAHA I just realized that. Hilarious. Thank you, man. It's a treasure of a book for sure. The very nature of my addiction is a lack of structure in relation to a natural impulse. Books like that help provide structure.
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: MindOverModem on June 04, 2019, 02:37:24 AM
Seeing through a craving

I had a vivid image from P pop into my head while I was meditating this morning. The urge to watch P or at least M to the image in my head came on strong.

Instead of reacting to that impulse, I examined it for what it really is. First, I reminded myself of the purpose of my reboot. Then I asked myself a few questions.

Would it be truly satisfying to look at that image or fap to it, the way making love is satisfying?

Would that single image even do it for me, or would it just be the beginning of a long, pointless internet search for the 'right' pic?

Does that image contain all the things I like about sex? Is there intimacy, touch, smell?

Can I talk to that pic after and laugh with it and be vulnerable with it?

These questions might sound ridiculous, but then it's pretty ridiculous to think some pixels on a screen can satisfy a basic human need.

The craving passed like a cloud in the sky. I'm writing it down right away because I probably wouldn't even remember it otherwise. But in the moment, the craving feels all-consuming and worthy of all my attention.








Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: BootLoader on June 04, 2019, 04:18:56 AM
These questions are reality. If you searching for answers do the right questions. Human beings we are made to perform with other human beings not with pixels or with imagination. You are in a good path keep going and stay strong. Good luck.
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: MindOverModem on June 04, 2019, 06:09:50 AM
Thank you. Best of luck to you too. That's very true about "asking the right questions."
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: MindOverModem on June 04, 2019, 05:00:43 PM
DAY 4

I didn't have to use P today, and it was the kind of day when I would have. I had a medical scare and a trip to the doctor's office--something I absolutely dread.

I felt all kinds of uncomfortable and frightened, and the answer seemed obvious: retreat into P... NOT TODAY!

I worked through multiple cravings and implemented my plan of action.

Now I'm working in my journal on a personal history of my relationship with porn, sort of a 1st step.

The cravings were so fucking intense today but so was my commitment to rebooting. I had to go out for a walk like a dozen times, but it was worth it to get to the other side of those cravings.

I am grateful for another 24 hours. Looking forward to fighting this battle again tomorrow.
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: zazen on June 04, 2019, 05:25:57 PM
Hi M)
Here to support you on this journey. You seem very introspective and mindful of your actions.. that is great! And you have an amazing questioning process.. Took a screenshot of those questions so I can use them so thnx:).

This line made me stop reading and think..  “Ultimately my reboot is about love and respect for myself and others.” Didn’t think about it in those terms before, respecting others (objectification)..
Very interesting perspective, will read more about it.

Day 4, yess! keep it up!
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: MindOverModem on June 05, 2019, 01:56:57 AM
Z,

Thank you for your reply. It helps to know that sharing my truth helps others. When you've tried and failed numerous times as I have, it's only natural to compare your attempts and look at what's different this time. One thing I notice right here is that I'm more engaged with the forum, and my journal is more interactive, not just a monologue about what I'm going through.

Human connection is the opposite of compulsive behavior and solitary wanking. If all I do is cut out P and don't replace it with positive things, I'm still the same guy but without his outlet. The goal is to be a different guy.
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: MindOverModem on June 05, 2019, 03:45:48 PM
DAY 5

Cravings were strong today, but I felt better prepared to deal with them. It makes all the difference when you can clearly recognize where you are in the "launch sequence" or whatever you want to call it that leads up to using. By recognizing when danger is approaching, I can take action to change course and steer clear of using. This is very different from just holding on for dear life and trying to fight back against the urge.

Instead of fighting harder, I'm fighting smarter. Here are two different ways I dealt with cravings today.

I implemented my Plan of Action

At the first sign of trouble, I go for a walk, call a friend, or do one of the other things on my plan of action. I practice mindfulness and watch as the craving passes and I am no longer in its grip.

I Stood my Ground

As they suggest in Fortify (the guide to quitting porn from Fight the New Drug) another way to fight a craving is to just observe it coming and going. They call this "urge surfing," It's a powerful experience. You prove to yourself that cravings don't just get worse and worse until you give in. They leave you along eventually if you stand your ground.

Knowing my Own BS when I see It

In past slips, I've noticed that I will try to rationalize using P. I'll tell myself, "okay, but just pictures" or whatever. I'm trying to focus on knowing my excuses and bullshit when I see them. 

It's like that scene in Fight Club when he's trying to call off his own henchmen and they're like, "you said you would say that..."

Looking at History isn't Easy

Today I wrote a detailed history of my relationship with P in my journal. I took breaks to breathe, but it brought up a lot of painful emotions. It also triggered a kind of shame that I found arousing. Fortunately, I recognized the craving and dealt with it.

I'm grateful for another 24 hours, thanks for reading.

--MOM


Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: MindOverModem on June 06, 2019, 08:39:50 AM
REBOOT READING LIST

I've had a lot of free time this week, which is good because it's allowed me to absolutely binge on reboot reading. Here are a few books that have helped me so far.

The Porn Myth by Matt Fradd

An amazing book about the personal and social impact of porn. A must-read for anyone who thinks porn is harmless. He does a very good job at bridging the gap between religious and non-religious views of porn and sex conduct.

Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction by Patrick Carnes

This is a masterpiece when it comes to understanding sex addiction and developing tools for recovery and a healthy sex life. This book examines the ways in which broken personal truths formed early in life can lead to habits of isolation and numbing. Not everything in this book is going to apply to everyone (thank god, because some of it is pretty extreme) but it's easy to see how the features of sex addiction apply in one's own life.

How to Quit Porn By Brett McKay

A short and simple guide to breaking the habit loop of looking at porn written by the founder of the Art of Manliness. Like the AOM blog, the writing style is fun and approachable and at times a little "aw shucks" and old fashioned. He gets into some quasi-moralistic objections to masturbation in general that seem ridiculous to me, but overall, his argument is sound.

One thing I really liked is the way he argues against giving porn too much power in your life. By looking at it as a bad habit, like junk food, instead of a monstrous demon of addiction, it's easier to simply leave it alone.

Some of the book's negative reviews said that there's nothing new or earth-shattering in this one. Even if that's true, so what. It's a message I need to hear again and again. 

Fortify: the Fighter's Guide to Overcoming Pornography Addiction By Fight the New Drug

A how-to guide for quitting porn. It's clearly designed for younger guys, but I got a lot out of it. At the end of the day, P has stunted my emotional development in some ways, and it helps to read something that keeps it simple. I'd strongly recommend this one  to anyone who tends to beat themselves up and could use some practical self-care tips.

The Butterfly Effect (Audible original) by John Ronson

Not about quitting P exactly, and it could be triggering for some people. This is a look at the unintended consequences of the rise of tube sites. Like The Porn Myth, he looks at some of the ways P damages or even ruins lives. One moment that stood out was his description of a P set where the male performers were watching P in order to get hard so they could have sex with an actual woman. Insanity.


Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: MindOverModem on June 06, 2019, 03:13:47 PM
DAY 6

Today was a good day. Friends, good food, exercise. I'm gonna just chill and enjoy feeling how I feel. Grateful for another day.
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: jixu on June 06, 2019, 03:39:52 PM
Being clean is its own reward, and it can push one forward if harnessed properly.  Keep it going, and keep up the wide-ranging reading, another activity that also has its own reward !  Enjoy your enjoy!! 
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: TallTree on June 07, 2019, 12:13:04 AM
Really enjoyed reading through your posts. It sounds like you have a great perspective on things, and your approach is thoughtful and compassionate towards self. Looking forward to reading more about your journey.
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: MindOverModem on June 07, 2019, 03:55:13 AM
Being clean is its own reward, and it can push one forward if harnessed properly.  Keep it going, and keep up the wide-ranging reading, another activity that also has its own reward !  Enjoy your enjoy!!

Thank you! "wide ranging" reading is key. That includes reading that has nothing to do with rebooting. A big part of the "why?" that motivates me in my reboot is wanting to enjoy my life and be more well-rounded.
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: MindOverModem on June 07, 2019, 03:57:24 AM
Really enjoyed reading through your posts. It sounds like you have a great perspective on things, and your approach is thoughtful and compassionate towards self. Looking forward to reading more about your journey.

Thank you for reading and for your kind feedback. It's helpful to know I'm reaching people on here. It's important to not just subtract P from my life but to add things like meaningful connections (online and in person) and to make time for others who are struggling on the same path.
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: MindOverModem on June 07, 2019, 10:29:37 AM
DAY 7

Today was wonderful and challenging. The low point which made me feel like I might use was a phone call to customer service over my phone bill. I just took the whole thing too personally and felt bored while I was on the line and felt like I had earned a release when the call was over. I went for a walk instead and watched that feeling pass.

The wonderful part was going out and being in the world. I went to a farmers' market today, and that involved talking to a lot of strangers. I was amazed at the difference in my eye contact and presence. I felt a compassionate connection to others, no shyness or yucky feeling as if they might be able to see all my secretive P use in my eyes.

The past few days, phone calls with my GF have been awesome. Just so much more present and appreciative. Our connection feels stronger than ever, and her voice alone is enough to turn me on. There have also been some flatline type moments this week, but you take the good with the bad. I'm trying to stay open to this whole experience, since trying to control and micromanage my feelings was the heart of the entire P issue for me.


Week 1

I got some awesome advice from a friend who fasts. He said you don't get progressively hungrier. The first 24 hours of a 72 hour fast is the hard part, but 72 hours isn't much harder than 48 hours. I'll take his word for it, I can't imagine 72 hours without food. But I can say that's definitely true for PMO cravings. The second half of this week was much easier than the first couple of days, and it's not like 7 days was harder than 6.

Tomorrow morning, I will wake up to the longest I've ever gone without M since I was young. P wasn't always involved, and I'm not going full nofap, just trying to do it hardmode for as long as I can. Anyway, that's pretty cool. Instead of feeling like I can't do it, I feel excited to be entering the unknown.

That book Fortify talks about this, how cravings come in waves that intensify but gradually pass. When you're in a moment of craving or a day full of cravings, it feels like the urge is just going to keep building until there's a release, but this isn't true. It always goes away eventually, sometimes just a few moments after you notice it.

A week might not sound like much, but it feels like a big deal for me, especially since I can count on one hand the number of times I've gone this long without MO before. Anyway, I'm not here to compare my experience to someone who's farter along. Anyone who's gone the distance has been in my shoes and knows how 7 days feels.

--MOM
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: MindOverModem on June 08, 2019, 01:29:12 AM
DAY 8
Big Wave surfing

Nice problem to have last night. My GF and I got super sexual in a goodnight text conversation. I found myself EXTREMELY turned on. That's a good sign. I'm turned on by my GF, not by some extreme bullshit I saw on a tube site. There wouldn't have been anything wrong with taking the fantasy we were talking about and having a little goodnight M.

But here's the thing, I wouldn't have learned anything by acting on my desire in that moment and releasing all the rising tension. I realized that this was by far the most I've wanted to M all week. (Again, that's a very good sign that a convo with someone I love would turn me on more than a porn craving.) I saw an opportunity to ride that wave of desire and watch it pass.

If I had just acted on it, it would have been like giving up in the gym when I know I have a little more in me. By taking a step back, I proved to myself that even the strongest desires will dissipate eventually if you just ride the wave.

--MOM
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: Johnny Trailer on June 08, 2019, 11:09:46 AM
As a porn addict struggling to recover from porn, it is extremely bad idea to have sexual text conversations. For the first few months, less and less porn cues will turn you on more and more. That is normal because you are depriving yourself for long periods of time and the brain still did not adapted to life without porn, but it is very bad to intentionally get yourself turned on by porn because cravings can get out of control pretty quickly.

I know you have no PIED so maybe you can get away with some texting i dont know... But the message is for those who are reading this and are having PIED. No porn whatsoever is the only path to recovery.

Porn is not just extreme bullshit on tube site. It can be soft, it can be sexting, reading erotic stories or talking on the phone about sexual stuff that turn you on. Whenever you are getting aroused by yourself, you are using porn. When you are on webcam or on the phone with your gf, if you look around yourself, you are still by yourself. Think of yourself as a porn user, not a porn watcher.

Sorry to crash your party but I see you have hundreds of views and I bet a lot of them are PIED or hardcore cases. I dont want them to get an impression that is okay to use sexting or any other type of porn as a substitute for tube sites.



 
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: Johnny Trailer on June 08, 2019, 11:23:13 AM
Also its not a good sign that you got EXTREMELY turned on by sexting with your gf. You get turned on by porn anyway. If you want to quit porn, goal is not to get extremely turned on by porn but to avoid it at all times.

Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: MindOverModem on June 08, 2019, 11:27:34 AM
As a porn addict struggling to recover from porn, it is extremely bad idea to have sexual text conversations. For the first few months, less and less porn cues will turn you on more and more. That is normal because you are depriving yourself for long periods of time and the brain still did not adapted to life without porn, but it is very bad to intentionally get yourself turned on by porn because cravings can get out of control pretty quickly.

I know you have no PIED so maybe you can get away with some texting i dont know... But the message is for those who are reading this and are having PIED. No porn whatsoever is the only path to recovery.

Porn is not just extreme bullshit on tube site. It can be soft, it can be sexting, reading erotic stories or talking on the phone about sexual stuff that turn you on. Whenever you are getting aroused by yourself, you are using porn. Yes, when you are on webcam or on the phone with your gf, if you look around yourself, you are still by yourself. Think of yourself as a porn user, not a porn watcher.

Sorry to crash your party but I see you have hundreds of views and I bet a lot of them are PIED or hardcore cases. I dont want them to get an impression that is okay to use sexting or any other type of porn as a substitute for tube sites.

That's fair. Thank you for your honest reply. It's not my intention to encourage people to see sexual conversations as part of a healthy reboot. Maybe I should have clarified that this was not a sexting session. We exchanged a couple of sexy comments that I found to be very arousing. Since my goal is hard mode, at least for now, I wasn't interested in following that arousal.

I agree that the definition of porn is much broader than tube sites, especially for those of us working on a reboot. But, to me, it's perfectly natural to be turned on by the thought of being with my girlfriend.
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: Johnny Trailer on June 08, 2019, 11:54:46 AM
okay then i misunderstood you or you was not clear enough. getting super sexual in a goodnight text conversation sounds like sexting to me. okay i think i now know what you meant. sexy comments will spontaneously happen from time to time its okay.

you are close to double digit days, keep going you doing alright. stay careful about your communication with your girlfriend now that you are separated. 
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: MindOverModem on June 08, 2019, 12:15:50 PM
okay then i misunderstood you or you was not clear enough. getting super sexual in a goodnight text conversation sounds like sexting to me. okay i think i now know what you meant. sexy comments will spontaneously happen from time to time its okay.

you are close to double digit days, keep going you doing alright. stay careful about your communication with your girlfriend now that you are separated.

Thank you, man. Same to you, keep going! You're absolutely right, I need to be careful. It's clear that I could have avoided temptation in that situation before it happened. I'm just happy that it didn't lead to anything else.

You make a really good point about being aware of who might be reading what we post here and how our words might affect their reboot. What I would say to anyone reading this is that you can find yourself in a situation early in your reboot where desire is strong, BUT YOU STILL DON'T HAVE TO USE.
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: MindOverModem on June 08, 2019, 12:24:05 PM
Porn is Sexual Junk Food

I posted something earlier about this, but one thought that has really helped me this time around is looking at P as the sexual equivalent of junk food. Several books on sex and P addiction make this comparison. I find it's a much better analogy than comparing porn to hard drugs or whatever.

Some food is terrible for you and has no nutritional value. It tastes good in the moment, sometimes even better than whole foods, but your body pays for it later even as your brain might be screaming for more. But that doesn't mean eating is bad. The challenge for someone who has developed unhealthy eating habits or a junk food habit is to learn how to eat right.

Porn is like "empty calories." It's extremely stimulating, but it has none of the "nutritional value" of a real sexual connection. There's no intimacy, no love, no touching, no laughter, no eye contact. Porn can't joke around with you after you orgasm. For that matter, you can't give porn an orgasm. Porn can't hold your hand or listen to you.

People who quit sugar and junk food abruptly often feel like crap when they stop taking in the stuff that was making them feel like crap. It gets better.

I didn't always used to exercise and eat right. When I changed those habits, I changed my life. My hope in rebooting is that I'll experience a similar change.
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: MindOverModem on June 09, 2019, 03:10:44 AM
DAY 9
Hard Mode vs Soft Mode

This is my first time rebooting in hard mode. I've gone over a month without P before, but 9 days is the longest I've ever gone without M. Here are some of the differences I've noticed between hard mode and soft mode.

Hard mode has made me feel better faster. I'm only in my second week, but I can say that 9 days of hard mode feels easier than 9 days of soft mode. Doing it this way creates an upward spiral where I end up focusing more and more on nonsexual outlets that make me feel less restless and more comfortable in my reboot. Feeling better makes me want to focus more on those positive activities and the positive cycle feeds itself.

My cravings for porn are morphing into general horniness. I know I have to be careful because those reward pathways for porn don't just disappear in a week, but it's a good sign that human contact is turning me on more than the thought of using.

I have to get used to my energy coming back to normal. Before this reboot, I had been P free for around 40 days, but then I had a massive slip where I was binging. My energy levels were super low following that binge. Now, normal feels a little hyper especially because I'm not used to the added energy of not O-ing at all.

Stoked to be starting day 9. Grateful to have RN. Thanks for reading.

--MOM
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: MindOverModem on June 09, 2019, 03:33:48 AM
Some Motivating Videoes

I spent this morning watching some Youtube videos of Theo Von, Joe Rogan, and Russell Brand discussing P Addiction.  Motivating AF.



Joe Rogan & Theo Von talking about P Addiction (Just a warning, they kind of debate porn, and Rogan argues pro porn a little bit. I wouldn't watch it if you feel vulnerable to suggestion) : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eU9mgMtsb54 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eU9mgMtsb54)

Russel Brand on P: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3EOJhCsbKE4 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3EOJhCsbKE4)
                            https://eu.usatoday.com/story/life/people/2015/03/03/russell-brands-new-role-anti-porn-crusader/24317581/ (https://eu.usatoday.com/story/life/people/2015/03/03/russell-brands-new-role-anti-porn-crusader/24317581/)

Russel Brand on P, "soft" P, and 50 Shades of Grey: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l369wYpYCOg (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l369wYpYCOg)
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: MindOverModem on June 10, 2019, 04:28:24 AM
DAY 10
The built-in Forgetter

Keeping an eye on these cravings. I make progress and start feeling like this problem is behind me. But then I find myself deep in craving out of the blue. That's what happened yesterday. I was washing my hands before dinner, and I started thinking about a P related subreddit I used to frequent. Not only did I have a strong craving, but I told myself the lie that I might as well give in and have a look since I'm already thinking about it.

NOT TODAY! If I didn't have this forum and the plan I've been implementing to deal with these cravings, there's no way I would have made it through that moment. Instead of using, I went for a walk, and within a few minutes, that feeling that seemed to demand all of my attention at the time simply went away.
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: MindOverModem on June 10, 2019, 04:35:49 AM
What's your 'Why'?

I was looking at some of my old posts from an earlier attempt at rebooting, and I noticed a vital difference between then and now:

My reasons for rebooting have gotten better. I was definitely aware that there are some deeper reasons to quit P, but my focus was mainly on sex and attraction. I wanted to reboot because so few guys live P free, it might make me stand out. Fair enough, that might be a nice side-effect of the process, but it's not the main reason for doing it.

My focus this time is deeper and more serious. I've mentioned compassion and a loving connection in this thread. I've focused on the person I'm becoming and a desire not to sexually objectify others.

Because I have a better "why" motivating my reboot, the "how" of not looking at P one day at a time is much easier.

--MOM
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: zazen on June 10, 2019, 04:45:10 PM
 
Quote
NOT TODAY! If I didn't have this forum and the plan I've been implementing to deal with these cravings, there's no way I would have made it through that moment. Instead of using, I went for a walk, and within a few minutes, that feeling that seemed to demand all of my attention at the time simply went away.

Nice work! as you already know, there will be a lot of these "character building" experiences.
...and what you did, was a demonstration of true inner strength! a true will to change. keep it up

I agree, it is about so much more to this.. compassion and a loving connection toward one self and others, are definitely on top of the scale.
Wish you strength ahead - 10 days is outstanding! you are on to a great start
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: MindOverModem on June 11, 2019, 01:42:02 AM
Quote
NOT TODAY! If I didn't have this forum and the plan I've been implementing to deal with these cravings, there's no way I would have made it through that moment. Instead of using, I went for a walk, and within a few minutes, that feeling that seemed to demand all of my attention at the time simply went away.

Nice work! as you already know, there will be a lot of these "character building" experiences.
...and what you did, was a demonstration of true inner strength! a true will to change. keep it up

I agree, it is about so much more to this.. compassion and a loving connection toward one self and others, are definitely on top of the scale.
Wish you strength ahead - 10 days is outstanding! you are on to a great start

Thank you! There's a thing in AA about how "we stop fighting anyone or anything, even alcohol." Every day, this reboot becomes a little bit less about NOT watching P and a little bit more about the positive things I replacing it with.
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: MindOverModem on June 11, 2019, 03:02:51 AM
Day 11
A Few Things I Wish I could Tell my Past Self

As I've said before, I think it's only natural to compare past reboot attempts to your current one. Here are a few things I wish I could go back and tell myself. Obviously, I can't change the past, but I can have a different attitude moving forward. This is more like a list of what I've learned.

Post More, Use the Forum
I have an incredible tool to help me reboot literally at my fingertips. I know that a day where I check in here, share my experience, and read others' stories is a day when I'm less likely to use.

Read Up
My first week, I read three books and watched hours of Youtube content on P and sex addiction and rebooting. Knowledge really is power, and it helps to immerse myself in the culture of quitting P.

Porn is More than Pics and Videos
My previous relapses all began with articles and podcasts. That classic definition of P "I know it when I see it" is exactly right. Of all media, I have to ask the question, "does this content serve any purpose besides helping people get off?"

Careful Whose Advice you Take
In past attempts at rebooting, I would often look for "evidence" that P was okay or that I could look at just images or whatever. This time, I've made a decision to cut out P completely. That's my goal, to free myself from P, not to redefine it so that I'm technically already free.

There is no failing, only learning
I got where I am now by fucking up over and over and trying again a little bit wiser.

Embrace the Unkown
I am painfully aware of where P leads. On the other hand, the reboot is a beautiful unknown. Instead of trying to micromanage the outcome, I'm excited to be on a journey into that unknown.
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: jixu on June 11, 2019, 09:27:20 AM
The concept of "no failing, only learning" is a great one and is useful for not only the porn journey but for many facets of life, including the career quest. Like you, I am also paying more attention to diet in the sense of trying to cut down on sugar; I'm not fanatical about it but it sure is something that needs to be moderated.

Keep plowing ahead and great job on the double digits!
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: MindOverModem on June 11, 2019, 12:54:53 PM
The concept of "no failing, only learning" is a great one and is useful for not only the porn journey but for many facets of life, including the career quest. Like you, I am also paying more attention to diet in the sense of trying to cut down on sugar; I'm not fanatical about it but it sure is something that needs to be moderated.

Keep plowing ahead and great job on the double digits!

Thank you, my friend. I wish you luck cutting back on the sugar; not an easy thing to do! Moderation is always hard. It's easier to go to the extreme of abstaining from something, but when it comes to sex or food, a life without them isn't desirable or even possible. That's what makes addiction issues related to these things much trickier to deal with than drugs or alcohol.

I got the learning thing from Brazillian jiu-jitsu, but it really applies to almost everything in life, like you said. We're all here to learn. And the thing is, you end up learning whether you want to or not. In my experience, I either learn by making the same mistakes over and over until I can't take it anymore and get willing to try something different OR by doing things the easy way, pausing to chose a more sensible path. 
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: MindOverModem on June 11, 2019, 01:23:07 PM
Today I Battled the Craving Boss

I was driving along when I got the most INTENSE image in my head of an image from a scene I used to watch constantly. I felt an overwhelming desire to look at P, not right away because I was driving, but as soon as I got home.

NOT TODAY!

The craving got worse and worse. It felt like the urge to breathe, it was that strong. To make matters even worse, the craving called in reinforcements in the form of every stupid justification in the book. "Couldn't I just look at a still image?"

NOT TODAY!

I leaned on my reboot program. I walked myself through where I know having "just one look" will lead me.

I reminded myself that the intensity of this urge is strong evidence for why I SHOULD NOT give into it. If I really could look at a little P and call it a day, I wouldn't have such powerful cravings to do so.

I reflected on the progress I've made, and I really focused on the shame I would feel at giving that up. By not "just taking a look," I can choose not to experience that shame today. The craving passed, and I lived to write about it here.

One thing that really helped me avoid disaster was staying busy. I was out driving.  Even though I wanted to, it would have been impossible for me to use right then and there. The car felt like it was protecting me in that sense.

Gonna read and get some work done and enjoy the free time I might have spent staring into the abyss. I know I'll have to fight the boss again soon, but each battle gives me confidence that I can be the kind of guy who just doesn't look at it.

--MOM

Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: zazen on June 11, 2019, 04:05:15 PM
great posts today! you inspire me. thank you for sharing that!
we're definitely going to take that bull head on again.. but we got this. this time we are suited up with the very best tactics, experience and support.

all the best
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: MindOverModem on June 12, 2019, 05:16:36 AM
great posts today! you inspire me. thank you for sharing that!
we're definitely going to take that bull head on again.. but we got this. this time we are suited up with the very best tactics, experience and support.

all the best

The inspiration is mutual. Thanks for reading. Wishing you strength in that battle!
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: MindOverModem on June 12, 2019, 05:19:18 AM
DAY 12

Not a lot to report today. It's one of those days that makes me say "this must be what 'normal' feels like" no intense ups and downs. No cravings yet, it's the first day I've made it to lunchtime without at least one major craving.

Something I've started working into my reboot is waking up early. Gamechanger. It feels so good to get shit done before other people are even awake. I've "won" the past few days, getting everything done that I need to, before lunch. The afternoon becomes a bonus at that point.

--MOM
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: MindOverModem on June 13, 2019, 05:31:06 AM
Day 13

Winning the day so far, and it's not even lunchtime. I'm getting so much more done compared to a few weeks ago that I'm having to put more on my to-do list every day because I'm finishing the important stuff early.

Weird dreams last night, dreaming not about sex but P. Fucking strange how that works, but it's not surprising.

One thing I can say so far, it's UNREAL how much meditation helps. With practice, you learn to slow the moment down and let go of your thoughts. It's like dodging bullets in the Matrix, no joke. Since I've stepped up the meditation to twice per day and added long walks without my phone, it has become so much easier to see a craving coming and just let pass without freaking out and feeling like I need to look at P or beat myself up for having the occasional urge. Lifesaver.
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: Pete McVries on June 13, 2019, 07:02:37 AM
I've been wanting to get into meditation for soooo long. I tried it several times whether it be meditation on my own or guided meditation with apps like "headspace". But I always felt like it didn't help me. There was no feeling of epiphany or like I had success. Perhaps, I was too results-orientated... If you don't mind and have the time, can you link me some helpful sources how to get started? Advice in general on meditation would be greatly appreciated!

Take care!
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: MindOverModem on June 13, 2019, 01:25:32 PM
I've been wanting to get into meditation for soooo long. I tried it several times whether it be meditation on my own or guided meditation with apps like "headspace". But I always felt like it didn't help me. There was no feeling of epiphany or like I had success. Perhaps, I was too results-orientated... If you don't mind and have the time, can you link me some helpful sources how to get started? Advice in general on meditation would be greatly appreciated!

Take care!

Of course! Headspace is a great place to start. Sometimes it's a matter of trying different things and seeing what works. Some people prefer a mantra meditation, others do better with mindfulness or zazen.

I'm not an expert, but I've been doing it every day  for 8 years now, and it has--no exageration--changed my life. I would probably be dead if it wasn't for meditation.

But to your point about looking for something. That sounds like it could be what made it not work for you. There's no goal in meditation. It's not supposed to get you anywhere. It's just a practice of observing your thoughts without reacting to them. The reason you have an object of meditation, like your breath or a mantra or counting, is so you have something to "anchor" you that you can come back to when your mind wanders (which it will.)

It's not about not thinking or turning your thoughts off. That's not even possible. Instead, you try to observe whatever you're experiencing and thinking in the present moment. It's a subtle thing, but it comes down to the difference between getting caught up in a thought vs. noticing that a thought is just a thought.

One way I've heard it described is that each time you catch yourself wandering off into thoughts, that's like a "rep" in the gym. The more you practice, the easier it is to notice these things. You sit there, you have an itch. Does scratching the itch fix anything? what if you just sit there and feel what it's like to itch?

The main thing is consistency. It's better to do 5 minutes every day than to sit for a long time when you really "feel like it." It's about developing a practice, not just using it to chill out when you feel like you need it.

Anyway, here are some resources.

The simplest practice is counting to 10. And by simplest, I don't mean dumbed-down or basic. Many serious zen students start that way. Here's an outstanding article by Mark Manson on meditation. In it he describes the counting to 10 practice. He also argues why you should meditate:
https://markmanson.net/meditation  (https://markmanson.net/meditation)

Other than that, Headspace might be worth another try. There's an outstanding book called Mindfulness in Plain English.

Ultimately,

How to Meditate: https://www.mindful.org/how-to-meditate/
20 tips for Beginnners: https://zenhabits.net/meditation-guide/

I hope this helps. I'll post more later when I have the time.

--MOM
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: MindOverModem on June 13, 2019, 01:30:44 PM
Meditation Speeds up your Reboot

One thing I'd say to everyone. Meditation is super helpful if you're dealing with the "when the hell am I going to get better?" feeling. As the science shows, rebooting is about neuroplasticity. Meditation has been proven to restructure the brain in ways that improve the same functions that are damaged by P addiction.

Books on P addiction like Fortify recommend meditation or even just "quiet time." Addiction experts going back to the founders of AA in the 1930s have recommended meditation for breaking cycles of addiction and dependence.

It works.
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: Pete McVries on June 13, 2019, 03:03:35 PM
Thanks your reply, MOM. I'll try getting into meditation again come next week and I'll plan on doing it regularly to develop some kind of consistency.
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: MindOverModem on June 14, 2019, 02:40:06 AM
DAY 14

Shame is a weird thing. Today I was thinking about the times I've wasted money on cams and how the kind of person who does that might not have the best internet privacy standards. I got a little panicked thinking the whole world could see my cam chats. At some point, I realized nobody cares. But for a brief moment, I felt bad and feeling bad made me want to do some camming, the same thing that had me freaking out. INSANE.

Anyway, taking some time to pause and focus on the progress I'm making and all the positive things   that can come from a P free existence.

WEEK 2

Things are getting better. I'm feeling a little more awake in general and the cravings are getting easier to manage. That said, I've noticed that instead of constant little cravings I'll get a massive one every now and then. I'm focusing on moving forward and being present. Ready to start strong in week 3.
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: MindOverModem on June 14, 2019, 02:42:07 AM
Thanks your reply, MOM. I'll try getting into meditation again come next week and I'll plan on doing it regularly to develop some kind of consistency.

Why not start today? Five minutes right now?

The thing I say to guys I sponsor in AA is to just set a timer and spend 10 minutes doing nothing every day. It's a good way to start anyway.

Best of luck
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: benhlau on June 14, 2019, 05:22:06 AM
It's like that scene in Fight Club when he's trying to call off his own henchmen and they're like
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: MindOverModem on June 15, 2019, 02:16:37 AM
It's like that scene in Fight Club when he's trying to call off his own henchmen and they're like

Exactly. I mentioned that earlier. When it comes to my own excuses, I keep saying "you said you were gonna say that..."
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: MindOverModem on June 15, 2019, 02:23:54 AM
DAY 15

One of my favorite articles on quitting P is this one by Mark Manson: https://markmanson.net/pornography-can-ruin-your-sex-life (https://markmanson.net/pornography-can-ruin-your-sex-life)

In it, he talks about how the first two weeks were fucked up and hard and his sex drive was all over the place. By weeks 3 and 4, his sex drive got super high and stayed that way. You see guys posting about flatlining for months and months, but so far my experience has been closer to what Manson describes. I'm starting my third week feeling much calmer and more energetic. I think I had a grand total of one P craving yesterday, but my desire for real sex was off the charts. This is the opposite of the end of the first week where I was having cravings literally every two minutes but was kind of indifferent to sex.

It feels good to chill out.

--MOM
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: MindOverModem on June 16, 2019, 07:00:02 AM
DAY 16
Ups and Downs

The moodiness is nowhere near as bad as it was last week. Horniness and energy levels are all over the place, however. I'm focusing on just staying present and riding the wave of whatever the "now" contains. Not a whole lot to say today.

I've heard people who tried to quit drinking on their own that they feel more sober after a short time in real recovery than in months of trying to do it on their own. That's how this reboot feels for me. I've gone much longer without looking at P in the past, but I feel healthier this time aroud after just 16 days.

--MOM
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: Pete McVries on June 17, 2019, 02:31:06 AM
DAY 15

One of my favorite articles on quitting P is this one by Mark Manson: https://markmanson.net/pornography-can-ruin-your-sex-life (https://markmanson.net/pornography-can-ruin-your-sex-life)

In it, he talks about how the first two weeks were fucked up and hard and his sex drive was all over the place. By weeks 3 and 4, his sex drive got super high and stayed that way. You see guys posting about flatlining for months and months, but so far my experience has been closer to what Manson describes. I'm starting my third week feeling much calmer and more energetic. I think I had a grand total of one P craving yesterday, but my desire for real sex was off the charts. This is the opposite of the end of the first week where I was having cravings literally every two minutes but was kind of indifferent to sex.

It feels good to chill out.

--MOM

Poor souls who experience super long and repeating flatlines. My experience is the same as yours. I only had one flatline straight from the beginning of the reboot until day 26 and that was it.

Keep it up!
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: MindOverModem on June 17, 2019, 03:47:58 AM
Yeah, man! that's good to hear. This might sound weird, but a part of me has been wondering, "when am I going to start my months-long flatline." I guess if you're good, you're good. Now, I've definitely noticed moments, like all afternoon yesterday, where I'm not super interested in anything sexual and it's just like a blank spot, but I find I usually snap right out of it pretty quick.

Obviously, I'm not diminishing the experience of anyone who does struggle with a massive flatline (it must be a nightmare) but that hasn't been my experience.
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: MindOverModem on June 17, 2019, 04:19:18 PM
DAY 17

Not much to say today, because today felt so stable! no serious ups and downs, but things weren't blank and flat either.

One thing I recommend to all rebooters: go for long walks without your phone. I had some free time I used this afternoon to just stroll and take in the world around me. came back focused and recharged.
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: MindOverModem on June 18, 2019, 01:22:06 PM
DAY 18

Today was pretty good. One MASSIVE craving in the morning; reminds me I have to stay frosty and avoid thinking I have this all figured out. Had some really good news in my personal life today and some mildly bad news at work. It's plain to see how much I relied on P to regulate my emotions. In the case of both good and bad news, there's something in my brain that says "but wait, isn't there something I'm supposed to do right now..." It's not a voice that screams "hey, you, go look at P!" but I felt restless. I'm happy to have some tools now to deal with that feeling!

--MOM
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: TallTree on June 18, 2019, 07:40:34 PM
I've been enjoying reading your posts, and can really relate to porn basically being a big tool to manage emotions. The challenging part for me has been learning how to manage those emotions without porn. It's been a part of my life for so long, that it's still the first thing that pops into my head when things aren't going my way. Best of luck today!
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: MindOverModem on June 19, 2019, 06:41:17 AM
I've been enjoying reading your posts, and can really relate to porn basically being a big tool to manage emotions. The challenging part for me has been learning how to manage those emotions without porn. It's been a part of my life for so long, that it's still the first thing that pops into my head when things aren't going my way. Best of luck today!

Thank you! And, yeah, you said it: that's the challenge! I'm finding it's not enough just to eliminate P, I have to add positive alternative ways to spend my time, things like reading and spending more time with  my friends. Fortunately, I find my schedule has opened right up ever since I got this time-sucking habit out of my life.

Best of luck to you too, man.
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: MindOverModem on June 19, 2019, 06:43:18 AM
DAY 19

Cravings come from the strangest places. I was looking at a home remodeling website. Next thing I knew, a photo of a normal fucking kitchen reminded me of a scene I used to watch. Insane.

Anyway, I'm checking in to share that weird little craving and to label the insanity.

Grateful for another 24 hours.

--MOM
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: MindOverModem on June 20, 2019, 01:50:41 PM
DAY 20

Not much to report today. One of those days were I was too busy and social to find myself craving. It's hard to explain, but I can feel the positive habits and attention to my relationship taking over some of the space P used to occupy. Feels good.

--MOM
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: MindOverModem on June 21, 2019, 03:37:53 PM
DAY 21

Another busy day, a couple cravings out of nowhere. just goes to show that being busy doesn't make you immune to thoughts of using.

WEEK 3

Overall, I feel so much better than I did a week or two ago. The cravings are much less frequent, and I'm not getting the same physical "need" to look at P. I don't feel like I'm going to die if I don't give in to the craving. BUT the cravings are still super vivid when they do come up. It's like my brain is saying "how about you just look at this particular scene?" I'm finding myself to be way hornier this week, so that's an encouraging sign. More morning wood etc.

Just have stay vigilant. 

--MOM
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: Lero on June 21, 2019, 04:12:46 PM
DAY 21

Another busy day, a couple cravings out of nowhere. just goes to show that being busy doesn't make you immune to thoughts of using.

Sure. Being busy doesn't stop thoughts, flashbacks, fantasies etc. popping up in our minds. But, at the end of the day, it comes down to: We have this energy for the day, right? What do we want to invest it in? PMO consumes energy. Life consumes energy. What's more useful for us? 
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: MindOverModem on June 22, 2019, 11:43:22 AM
DAY 22

Good point, Lero. As I've mentioned earlier, a big part of rebooting for me has been filling my days with more constructive things than looking at P.

Today was tough. I realized just how moody I can be without P to dull my emotions. I dealt with some family stuff and some stressful work stuff I really didn't want to be doing over the weekend. When I was caught up in it, it really felt like the end of the world, but I know it will pass.

Full disclosure, I'm no longer in "hard mode." I haven't been experiencing the chaser effect and I HAVE NOT fapped to P fantasies. I'm noticing a really different relationship to MO. It's something that just sort of comes up naturally every couple days (sometimes less, sometimes more.) It doesn't feel like a refuge from reality like it did in the past.

I realize this is controversial, I'm just sharing my truth here. The bottom line is I'm P free. NoFap was never my goal. I will say that taking more than 2 weeks off from M was really important for starting my reboot.
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: Lero on June 23, 2019, 04:23:23 AM
Today was tough. I realized just how moody I can be without P to dull my emotions. I dealt with some family stuff and some stressful work stuff I really didn't want to be doing over the weekend. When I was caught up in it, it really felt like the end of the world, but I know it will pass.

Exactly. When we use PMO to deal with our emotions, we don't learn how to deal with them in a normal way. That's why when we stop PMO-ing, those emotions come to us and we don't know what to do. A very important part of the process is learning this.
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: MindOverModem on June 23, 2019, 05:23:32 AM
DAY 23

OMFG I just came outrageously close to using. Crisis averted though. NOT TODAY!

I was clearing out my computer's trash and double checking that there wasn't anything in there I still needed. Now before this reboot began, I was careful to get rid of all my P. Or so I thought. There was one folder in there with pictures of my favorite pornstar, one of those "porn girlfriends" whose pics I would turn to time and time again.

When I found the folder, I had a brief moment of wanting to open it, "just to check" that that's what it was. For a split second, I told myself it would be okay "just to look." NOPE, NOT TODAY.

Almost immediately, my new habit of stepping back and taking a moment to breathe kicked in. I thought about how shitty I would feel after yielding to that stupid impulse. I thought about how far I've come in this reboot and the place I would slide back to if I gave in. I reminded myself there's no such thing as "just one look." I deleted the file, unopened, and got on here to write about defeating that craving.

The really cool thing about winning a battle like that is that I've come away with a little boost of self-confidence knowing that I could have used today, but I didn't. It's also good to know that my computer is 100% porn free.

--MOM
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: MindOverModem on June 24, 2019, 01:59:20 PM
DAY 24

Surprisingly strong cravings today, all part of the ups and downs, I guess.

Today, the cravings seemed to be saying "just look at it... maybe just pictures.... what's the big deal?" In a way this is a good sign because it means I'm putting some distance between myself and the stranglehold of using on a regular basis. It was like this when I got sober too, getting better meant sort of forgetting how bad it got.

It's time to be vigilant and remember my tools for dealing with craving.

A big positive, I've noticed that conversations with my GF are so much more engaging and stimulating than they were before. If that's not an awesome motivation for rebooting, I don't know what is. 

 
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: Lero on June 25, 2019, 04:32:10 AM
DAY 24

Surprisingly strong cravings today, all part of the ups and downs, I guess.

Today, the cravings seemed to be saying "just look at it... maybe just pictures.... what's the big deal?" In a way this is a good sign because it means I'm putting some distance between myself and the stranglehold of using on a regular basis. It was like this when I got sober too, getting better meant sort of forgetting how bad it got.

It's time to be vigilant and remember my tools for dealing with craving.

A big positive, I've noticed that conversations with my GF are so much more engaging and stimulating than they were before. If that's not an awesome motivation for rebooting, I don't know what is.

When you don't want to give the brain the usual full stimulation, it reacts violently and it tries to make you give it anything, even a "micro-dosing" like a picture but you have to stay away from this because it's the wrong step on the slope with snow and you will go down rolling.
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: MindOverModem on June 25, 2019, 12:14:14 PM
Good point
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: MindOverModem on June 25, 2019, 12:16:13 PM
DAY 25

Today was busy, hectic, stressful, and I CRUSHED IT. Just amazing all the motivation and energy at my disposal without P sucking up my life force and my time.

I realize that this is probably very much the "up" of a series of ups and downs, but today was a big win.

Focusing on some self-care and mediation to balance out all the activity today.
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: Lero on June 25, 2019, 02:12:29 PM
DAY 25

Today was busy, hectic, stressful, and I CRUSHED IT. Just amazing all the motivation and energy at my disposal without P sucking up my life force and my time.

I realize that this is probably very much the "up" of a series of ups and downs, but today was a big win.

Focusing on some self-care and mediation to balance out all the activity today.

Of course, man. PMO consumes energy but it consumes energy for nothing. For the idea of "feeling good", "medicating" or whatever, that don't actually give you anything. PMO doesn't benefit anyone. When you stay away from PMO, this energy that you used to throw away with it you feel it now and it's like "Oh shit, I got this energy!" Use it for what it matters. And yes, this journey of recovery could have ups and downs (many people experience this) so if now you feel on top of the world, in a few days you could feel at the bottom. Just don't use PMO to cope with that. I used to do this and fuck myself up like an idiot.
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: MindOverModem on June 26, 2019, 11:29:39 AM
DAY 26

Turned my whole day around by simply meditating. I put it off in the morning and felt super shitty as a result. just restless and irritable. Finally, around late morning, I was like "time out" I took a few minutes of quiet time and it was like hitting the reset button.

These past few days have been insane at work. It just like the old saying: if you don't have 15 minutes to meditate, you need an hour!
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: MindOverModem on June 27, 2019, 10:19:18 AM
DAY 27

Today was a good day. I had a to-do list that looked overwhelming. I started with the thing I wanted to do the least, and I was done for the day by lunchtime. Things like that just didn't happen when I was looking at P all the time. It's like culture shock because I'm not used to being the guy who just gets shit done like that.
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: Lero on June 28, 2019, 04:35:55 AM
DAY 27

Today was a good day. I had a to-do list that looked overwhelming. I started with the thing I wanted to do the least, and I was done for the day by lunchtime. Things like that just didn't happen when I was looking at P all the time. It's like culture shock because I'm not used to being the guy who just gets shit done like that.

That's what being P free means. Keep this in mind and anytime you have cravings for P, think about what you just said.
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: MindOverModem on June 29, 2019, 06:06:15 PM
DAY 30!!! one month

Vacation time. Taking a trip with my girlfriend and family. taking a much-needed break from the internet. I'll check back in here after a while, and I'll check in to tell on myself if I do look at P. But, I plan to keep on not looking at it one day at a time.

Thank you all for your support and encouragement.

--MOM
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: Lero on June 30, 2019, 04:01:35 AM
1 month, man! This is outstanding progress! I have 1 week too. 8)
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: zazen on June 30, 2019, 07:21:25 AM
vaca fully deserved man!.. watching you'r progress and seeing great improvement.
great job becoming better at being the observer,.. catching thoughts like ""just look at it... maybe just pictures.... what's the big deal?" " etc....

it's what we do after, which is important. Not letting these suggestions have their way but us taking control.
I have full confidence in you being able to catch the suggestions and divert them...  with one day, one thought a time.

Enjoy vacation)
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: MindOverModem on July 14, 2019, 01:26:44 AM
DAY 44

First, I gotta say that if it wasn't for this forum, I probably would have looked at some P already this morning. I'm alone for the first time in 2 weeks, and the loneliness is a trigger for sure. There was a voice saying "okay, cool, all alone, feeling a little lonely

My vacay with my GF was incredible. I've made a lot of progress in terms of intimacy and being more present. There were some ups and downs for sure, and I had to keep an eye out for thoughts of P while I was with her. But I'm lightyears from where I was when I was trying to have a relationship and look at P regularly.
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: Lero on July 14, 2019, 05:08:20 AM
First, I gotta say that if it wasn't for this forum, I probably would have looked at some P already this morning. I'm alone for the first time in 2 weeks, and the loneliness is a trigger for sure. There was a voice saying "okay, cool, all alone, feeling a little lonely

I relate to this. This place is the best place to be. There is a lot of knowledge here and a lot of success to motivate us. I have to say the same thing: If it wasn't for this forum, I would've relapsed 2 days ago or yesterday, even this morning. But I thought: "I can't write: Today I have 1 week without P," and then relapse the minute after. Stay strong.   
Title: Re: Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
Post by: zazen on September 22, 2019, 01:50:25 PM
Hi MindOverModem.
Just wanted to follow up and see if all is well with you.
write whatever, whenever you feel like.

all the best,