Reboot Nation

Journals => Ages 20-29 => Topic started by: LeanAndBop on April 08, 2019, 08:55:45 AM

Title: Journal
Post by: LeanAndBop on April 08, 2019, 08:55:45 AM
DAY 1

Hi Guys,

I have decided to keep a basic journal here on Reboot Nation. I am eager to cut PMO out of my life. I've managed to get streaks of one week and two weeks in regularly this year, I reached three weeks and one point too. This is big progress for me.

However, I frequently slip - often hard.

I'm hoping Reboot Nation will give me a bit more positive energy via the supportive community here. I hope to learn and to support others who are struggling in a similar way to me.

I often hear that it is important to set small targets. This makes sense. I am going to set a target for myself in each journal post.

Target 1: Get through the rest of today without P or M.


Peace,
Bop
 
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: Gabe Deem on April 08, 2019, 10:03:38 AM
Hey @LeanAndBop

Welcome to the Nation! If you've been able to reach 3 weeks, you can do it again. Take it one day at a time. Each decision you make to steer yourself away from porn and to a healthier action, or thought, reinforces the circuitry around that decisions, making it easier and easier each time.

Small, articulated goals is a great idea. We all need a clear aim. Hope the best for you! Much love.
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: Quitforeverthenwin on April 08, 2019, 01:58:44 PM
Sounds good! Posting here definitely helps keep my mind on target. The goals sound like a good idea! Looking forward to seeing your progress.
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: BlueHeronFan on April 08, 2019, 06:47:50 PM
Welcome!

Posting here has been a huge help to me. It gets me out of my own head. There's also a lot of good support to be had here, whether it's learning from the things other people are doing to fight their addiction or just realizing that you're not the only one dealing with this garbage.

I really believe we're stronger together, one day at a time!
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: LeanAndBop on April 09, 2019, 11:49:04 AM
DAY 2
I managed to stay off PMO last night. First goal achieved. Woop!

Little craving today or yesterday. Busy tonight so that should help. Not really much to say other than thanks for the supportive messages, it is uplifting.

Target: no PMO for the rest of today.

Peace guys,
Bop
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: Quitforeverthenwin on April 09, 2019, 11:43:42 PM
Nice job bro, keep it up! Everyday achieving the goal is a great win!
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: LeanAndBop on April 10, 2019, 01:37:11 PM
DAY 3
Managed to reach my target.

But feeling very low and tired now. Very frustrated. For a number of reasons. I also felt a lot of angst earlier today. So I am in a position where I am much more likely to PMO. I still don't feel like I have the skill or will to deal with these emotions. They drive me towards PMO, PMO feels good. The good feeling drowns the bad. Maybe sleeping is wise...?

I will bring in some optimism- I can get a decent sleep tonight, and tomorrow is a bit of a different day. I enjoy variety. Work was OK today, I achieved what I set out too. I feel some hope from reading and from exciting  opportunities that I may try to take.

Target: no PMO tonight.

Thanks for the reply I appreciate it!

Peace.
Bop.

Title: Re: Journal
Post by: Quitforeverthenwin on April 10, 2019, 05:12:11 PM
Yeah man get through it! In my opinion stomp out those thoughts.... feeling bad and tired is part of life.... So you may feel bad it may not go away, but in return you get to be rid of this habit, which will make you happier, increase your focus, increase your confidence and eventually allow you to have REAL relationships with real women. Seems like a fair trade yeah?
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: BlueHeronFan on April 10, 2019, 07:09:29 PM
I know paying attention to my emotions has been a huge part of my recovery recently. I just don't relapse when I'm feeling good about life, so I've had to start learning how to deal with my negative emotions in healthier ways.

Being aware of them is the first step, so you're on your way. Hang in there and keep it up!
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: LeanAndBop on April 11, 2019, 05:16:17 AM
DAY 4

Did not achieve my target. No P but I did MO. I've blocked P on my device .

Feeling v low and hopeless, worthlessness. I am not happy with my self and my decisions, it does not fit with who I think I 'should' be. I know PMO, in the way I use it, is not healthy for me. But I do it anyway. It brings forth an intense escape, it makes me feel strong. In reality I feel powerless. Emotions, thoughts, social skills, shame, work, and friendships are some of the things I don't know how to handle skillfully.

Target: get to 6.30pm with no P M or O.

Optimism: deep breathing slows down the situation.

Thanks for your comments guys.

Bop.


Title: Re: Journal
Post by: Quitforeverthenwin on April 11, 2019, 08:16:31 AM
Sorry to hear that man, but at least you didn't include the P! I know exactly what you mean in terms of the hopeless feeling and the other terrible feelings after a lapse. If anything, try and remember it so you'll realize that the desire to pmo is bullshit, it actually makes you feel awful. It can be useful to write a little (doesn't have to be here) about what happened leading up to the lapse so you know what went wrong. Being aware of what is going on mentally can help.


For example "So I am in a position where I am much more likely to PMO. I still don't feel like I have the skill or will to deal with these emotions. They drive me towards PMO, PMO feels good."

From my own experience, when I read that I was like "oh,shit that looks like lapse thinking" learning to recognize and change thoughts like this is helpful imo. A big part of this recovery is just: Sometimes we gotta feel like shit and the only way to learn to handle these emotions without pmo is first to handle them poorly without pmo I guess lol. It's the pmo that is the reason we can't learn to handle them, so we gotta put first things first imo.

Also thats not meant to like chastise you, it's good you are aware what you are thinking and posted it honestly because it helps you and helps others help you. Just that there is a tinge of "I don't have full control of whether I pmo or not" and thoughts like that lead to lapses. We ALL have had thoughts like that or we wouldn't be here....
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: LeanAndBop on April 12, 2019, 12:34:09 PM
Thanks Quit. I appreciate it.

I agree with your statement that we sometimes need to feel shit. It is part of life. Maybe you are right when you say that PMO is the reason we can't handle emotions skillfully. It makes sense.

Sometimes I feel like a don't have control of the PMO, to an extent. If I had complete control I don't think there would be any unhealthy behaviour. What do you think?
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: LeanAndBop on April 12, 2019, 12:42:33 PM
DAY 5

Not sure if I achieved target from yesterday.. Timing given for posts on here is not accurate so I need to reset it.

No PMO today so far. I feel OK and much better than yesterday. The gloom is not here. I am managing unwanted thoughts and difficult emotions better. An urge did come but I watched it go.

I really want to turn my life around. This is one way I can give back to my loved ones and society. Cutting out PMO is part of this. Still not really sure how I do that. So I think I must keep learning, do my best with what I do know.

Target: no PMO for next couple of hours (7pm to 9pm).

'I am not my thoughts. I am not my emotions'

'Life is too short to not do what you love'

Peace
Bop
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: Quitforeverthenwin on April 13, 2019, 12:47:45 AM
Thanks Quit. I appreciate it.

I agree with your statement that we sometimes need to feel shit. It is part of life. Maybe you are right when you say that PMO is the reason we can't handle emotions skillfully. It makes sense.

Sometimes I feel like a don't have control of the PMO, to an extent. If I had complete control I don't think there would be any unhealthy behaviour. What do you think?

I think we do, it is just immensely difficult. As humans we technically have control over all of our actions, BUT it's just super hard. I absolutely could work 12 hours per a day to get rich, but am I doing it? No. It's super hard to get ourselves to do things.

If you would have literally died if you pmo'ed. If someone was standing next to you holding a gun, could you have not done it?


??


I would say you could have avoided it. Doing things that are bad for us is just part of being human. It is simply just immensely hard to change a habit especially an addiction, but we DO have control over it or at least can gain control over it step by step. The smart recovery handbook has some good stuff about this, I really reccomend it https://shop.smartrecovery.org/product/books/smart-recovery-handbook-3rd-edition/ maybe you can find it for free online somewhere also. (It's $12 at the link).
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: LeanAndBop on April 13, 2019, 03:13:54 AM
DAY 6

Wooo! Yes I achieved my goal.

Thanks Quit for your comments. You are right, if It  was life or death of course I would not PMO! As far as I understand we change our brain with our actions, repeatedly watching porn can impact the wiring in our brains. Hence it becomes difficult to do things differently... I'm sure this isn't the best explanation scientifically! Thanks for the link too.

I feel OK today. I have plans and will socialise so that is good.

Target: No PMO Today.


Have a lovely day
Bop
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: LeanAndBop on April 14, 2019, 04:52:33 AM
DAY 7

Achieved my goal from yesterday--it feels great! When I am focused and happy, connected with the world...the urge to escape is not prominent. Worrying about the past and future did not dominate me significantly yesterday. What is there to escape from? I am aware that difficult emotions can arise. If they do, today, I will choose to soothe in a healthy way. I will employ mindfulness and exercise, that's the plan.

Target for today: No PMO from 3pm to 9pm. This is when I am most likely to PMO.

Best wishes,
Bop
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: LeanAndBop on April 15, 2019, 12:21:20 PM
DAY 8

Yes I achieved my target.  ;D
I'm OK today. A bit of anxiety. No urges. Feels good. Prepared if a big urge comes.
Target: no PMO tonight.

Best.
bop
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: Quitforeverthenwin on April 15, 2019, 07:53:50 PM
Great job man! Looks like good progress the last couple of days. And 100% the more we resist the urges, the more we realize we can do it and the more we will be prepared the next time.
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: LeanAndBop on April 16, 2019, 12:35:54 PM
DAY 9

Thanks Quit for the support, yeah things are good at the moment and I think it makes sense that it would get easier over time. I used to not be able to past 4 days, now getting past 4 is quite easy a couple of years later.

YES I did achieve my goal.
I didn't PMO last night. I dudnt really have the urge. I was out and exercising.
Today I've been a bit triggered. I woke up feeling angsty. I feel this uptight energy in me.
Optimism over despair: I have plans for the evening and food to eat. Angst passes. Allow.

Target: no PMO tonight. (7pm to 11pm).

Best
Bop
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: LeanAndBop on April 17, 2019, 01:17:48 PM
Day 10
Yes I achieved my target.
Feeling a bit empty right now. But there is lots to be positive about.
No significant urges today.
PMO and the related fantasies and anxieties still have a pull on me, of course. But I feel I am managing these challenges maturely. Doing my best with what I do know.
Target: no PMO tonight, 7pm to 10.30pm.
Peace
Bop
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: Quitforeverthenwin on April 18, 2019, 10:22:05 AM
Great job man hitting those targets! Thats 100% right the more we avoid the better we get. It used to be damn near impossible for me to not PMO, then damn near impossible to not masturbate, now my challenge usually is avoiding fantasy. It gets easier and easier, we may always have the occasional tough few hours, but it's no biggie. If we're used to it, hard things don't feel that hard.

The down feelings happen, but then the good feelings come back. Especially if we're moving in a good direction it's okay!
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: LeanAndBop on April 19, 2019, 06:30:31 AM
Day 12
Yes I achieved my target.
Feeling good today. Had some anxiety but it is passing.
Thanks Quit, it is reassuring that it gets easier for you. I had some minor urges and employed a technique which helps me. It passed.
I feel more informed about porn and how it isn't good for me.
Target- no PMO from 12.30 to 2.30pm...bit of a danger fir me. Gunna stay off my phone.
All the best,
Bop
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: Do or die on April 19, 2019, 07:05:45 AM
Congratulations
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: Quitforeverthenwin on April 19, 2019, 06:23:47 PM
Glad you find it helpful. Keep up the good work!
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: LeanAndBop on April 20, 2019, 05:51:53 AM
DAY 13
Yes I achieved my goal! Wooo!
I watched a really interesting documentary. That kept me engaged. I think I blocked my phone too using 'Stay Focused' app.
Next goal: no PMO 12pm to 6.45pm.
Going to find healthy ways to soothe. Replacement for PMO will be relaxing with captivating TV, meditating, and getting some sun. These are feel good activities. PMO is an act of soothing for me, I think.
All the best
Bop
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: LeanAndBop on April 21, 2019, 04:23:14 PM
Day 14
I achieved my goal.
I think I kept busy. I did get an urge. But a sat and felt it. Then did some push ups. I think when I am engaged inife then PMO is not really tempting.
Next goal: just get through tonight. About 1 hour. 22 to 23.
Im gunna get off my phone, maybe watch something interesting. Read, journal and sleep. Those are some options.
peace
Bop
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: LeanAndBop on April 22, 2019, 04:26:32 AM
Day 15
Yes I achieved my goal.  :)
I had quite a big urge. I was tempted. Sat on the couch on my phone. There was an opportunity. I managed to 'sit, stay, and feel' with the urge. Then I did some push ups. It helped.
My next goal is to get to 2pm with no PMO.
I am going to keep busy with exercise and other productive activities. If the urge comes I will do my best to manage it.
Overall, I think I am doing well. I remember when getting to 3 days or 4 days was a struggle. Now that is relatively easy! Now getting to a week is even feeling natural.
Best,
Bop

Title: Re: Journal
Post by: Quitforeverthenwin on April 23, 2019, 09:11:12 PM
Wow great job man! Those are some of the best moments, having the really strong urges and getting through them. Feels great after and really helps the recovery and setting up new brain patterns/ habits. Great to recognize the progress getting easier and easier to get longer and longer streaks...
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: LeanAndBop on April 27, 2019, 04:14:55 AM
Day 20
Yes I achieved my goal. Has been going well. No PMO for almost 3 weeks. I've been focused and educating myself on how porn is dangerous.
Next goal is to get to 12pm today.
I'm struggling a bit with emotions today. Doing exercise may help. Getting out too.
Thanks
Bop
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: achilles heel on April 28, 2019, 02:24:36 PM
Thanks for your kind words and congrats on your success!  :)

I'm struggling a bit with emotions today.

Prepare yourself for an emotional rollercoaster and don't listen to those negative voices that will appear in your head! You are on the right track and feel a lot more balanced emotionally as you move on. Good luck!
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: LeanAndBop on April 29, 2019, 02:09:10 AM
Day 22
Thanks Achilles for your comment. A lack of skill in managing what I see as difficult emotions often brought me towards PMO. So this is the skill I am learning. There's some techniques that are helping. Your words are reassuring.

I did achieve my goal. I was very anxious but managed to allow it to pass through. It feels really good to get past 3 weeks. I honestly could barely do 4 days two years a go.

Next goal is to get to 12pm. I'm gunna be aware of any urges, and practice a technique suggested Eckhart Tolle (3 mindful breaths, feel the energy for a few minutes, 3 mindful breaths) if emotions start running riot. Going to do my best to connect with the world too.

Best.
Bop
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: LeanAndBop on April 29, 2019, 12:19:14 PM
DAY 23
Achieved my goal. Struggled a bit with uncertainty yesterday. But kept focused and busy.
Next goal is 10.30pm.
Im keeping busy and will stay off phone. I do feel tired and at times a bit triggered today.
Best
Bop
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: LeanAndBop on May 01, 2019, 12:59:55 PM
Day 25 - MO relapse on day 24
I reached my last goal. But relapsed yesterday, though without porn. I have an understanding of the triggers. Disappointing but it happens. I'm not going to set my hopes high, just get my focus back and learn. One small goal at a time.
Next goal: get to 11pm
This will be tough as I am fatigued and anxious. Being triggered more easily. An early night and staying off devices should help.
All the best
Bop
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: Quitforeverthenwin on May 01, 2019, 06:25:43 PM
Looks like you had some good progress! Bummer about the lapse, good thing there was no porn in involved! Glad you are getting right back to it.
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: BlueHeronFan on May 01, 2019, 08:39:15 PM
Sorry about the slip, but it also sounds like you're learning and getting stronger.

Negative emotions are a huge trigger for me. It's good that you've noticed that too and that you're working on your emotions.

Keep at it, man! Tomorrow is a new day!
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: LeanAndBop on May 02, 2019, 01:33:42 AM
Day 26
Yes I reached my goal. I blocked my phone using an app. But before that I did come close to MO. I have a habit of reading disturbing news stories sometimes, this makes me very anxious and its easy to act out from there.

New goal is get to 12pm, then 6pm, then 11pm. One at a time. Going to keep off my phone and focus on
contributing at work and in my relationships with the people around me.

I am feeling a lot of shame and regret about my past at the moment. How can I redeem myself? I will explore this further. Does a period of my life define who I am? Or is it merely part of my experience as a human being, to make mistakes, to fail to live up to my values?

Best
Bop

Title: Re: Journal
Post by: LeanAndBop on May 02, 2019, 01:34:25 AM
Thank you for the comments as always!
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: BlueHeronFan on May 02, 2019, 09:01:20 PM

I am feeling a lot of shame and regret about my past at the moment. How can I redeem myself? I will explore this further. Does a period of my life define who I am? Or is it merely part of my experience as a human being, to make mistakes, to fail to live up to my values?

Man, I feel you. For years and years I've had so much shame about my PMO habit and have thought that it was the "real" me. I thought that if anyone ever actually found out about it, they would be weirded out and stop liking me. I thought that I could never really have the things I really wanted, like a healthy relationship with a woman, because no woman would ever be interested in me if she found out about my PMO.

I still have a long way to go to get over this shame, but it's better now than it's been. I have told a few people in my life about my addiction, and they've always been supportive and helpful, and they've almost respected me more for wanting to change and for trusting them with this part of my life. Of course, if you do tell someone, you should be careful to tell the right person, someone you can trust.

But here's the point: PMO is not you. Whatever happened in the past is in the past. You can't change it, but you can learn from it and grow from it. PMO is a thing you've done in the past to deal with difficulty in life, but you are way more than one bad habit. Regret is good when it prevents you from messing up again, but it isn't helpful when it just makes you feel bad and prevents from you moving on.

I'm a religious person, and my addiction means that there's a very obvious way that I'm not living up to my beliefs and values. It makes me feel like a hypocrite a lot of the time. But one of my beliefs is that people can change and that where we're going is way more important than where we've been.

Sorry to write so much, but you can do this! We can leave this garbage behind and work towards a full and happy life. So keep going!
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: supernova123 on May 02, 2019, 11:18:08 PM
Hey man, sorry about the lapse, but 25 days is very good.  And you did mention that you MO'd without porn which is much better than a PMO lapse.  This is just my opinion but I think everyone tackles the nofap challenge differently.  I just went 27 days PMO free and then MO'd without P and didn't feel nearly as regretful about it as I would have had I full on PMO'd.  For the next 24 hours I was way more productive as it got rid of the urges and I still had my long term goals in sight with full motivation.  However I discovered that I started having vivid dreams about PMO relapses much more frequently and with bigger urges.  So I think MO relapses aren't that bad for you (after all it is natural), but it runs the risk of you relapsing to porn far greater.  As long as you get rid of the artificial stimulation that your brain is used to in P, you're making progress
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: LeanAndBop on May 03, 2019, 05:18:03 PM
Day 27
Reached my goals.
Next goal is just to get through tonight.
Thanks for the comments. It is uplifting. It is great to share and to learn.
A few urges today. Still feeling shame. Maybe that isn't a bad thing.
Best
Bop
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: Quitforeverthenwin on May 04, 2019, 12:07:05 AM
Keep it up man! Get through the night. You are making big progress, you were pmoing often. Now you just moed once in 25 plus days! Thats big progress and really helpful to your brain.
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: LeanAndBop on May 04, 2019, 02:46:36 AM
Day 28
Thanks for the comment Quit! Yeah I really hope I can keep this up. My brain needs love not hate.
I got through the night. Urges aren't as powerful recently.
Today I am busy so getting to 12pm then to 6pm and 11pm should be OK. Staying off devices will help.
best
Bop
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: LeanAndBop on May 05, 2019, 04:49:07 AM
Day 29
Yes I reached my goals.
What helped was keeping busy, socialising, doing relaxation exercises, and managing an urge when it arose with breathing and focus.
Next goal is get to 11am then 5pm then 11pm. Will stay off devices. Apply techniques when necessary.
best
Bop
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: pichaelthompson on May 05, 2019, 03:52:21 PM
I like your quote "My brain needs love not hate." I think one of the most important things is to always love ourselves unconditionally, it helps keeps our goals clear and gives us a feeling that we can overcome everything we set out to do. Of course, this is easier said than done. Best of luck to you
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: LeanAndBop on May 06, 2019, 12:51:38 PM
Day 30- PMO and MO relapse

Ok so I acted out, unfortunately.

 I know the triggers, to an extent. I've explored this and what I could have done differently.
Feeling gloomy. I feel hypocritical too. I watch all this stuff explaining the drawbacks of porn, I share this with others. Then I watch porn.

I feel ashamed that porn gives me pleasure, it also repulses me. Does it make me anxious and this more aroused?maybe but it doesn't really matter. What's the opposite of watching porn?

Anyway. Next goal is to get through the day. Stay off devices. Etc.

I feel low on energy. As I said, gloom. My perspective is coated in gloom. Why don't PornHub mention that this is a potential side effect of consuming their content?
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: pichaelthompson on May 07, 2019, 08:40:00 PM
It’s all good man, we’ve all experienced relapses in this community and we’re always going to support you, no matter what. Be happy with the progress you have made so far since you’ve started this journal (which was a courageous decision to start with) and try to use this relapse as a valuable learning experience. Whenever I relapse it always helps to remind myself that the day 0 is better than my last day 0, as progress has been made since then and there is always more opportunity for more progress.

I think the opposite of porn isn’t just not watching porn; I think it’s using your time to get the most out of life as you can. Porn hides us from the real world. To step out and face our fears and insecurities in the world head on is truly courageous, and will always be gratifying in the end even if the immediate results are almost always not what we hope for.

The point of PornHub is singular and tragic; cold, hard cash. If they warned people of the potential dangers, less people would visit their site and the industry as a whole will lose money. Their profit is maximized when as many individuals as possible are convinced that P is %100 harmless, when it does in fact harm tons of users, and even some pornstars. Keep your head up- you might feel gloom now, but there will be sunnier days ahead
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: LeanAndBop on May 13, 2019, 05:30:06 AM
 Day 0
Ok so it's been a while since I posted. I managed 4 days or so off PMO. Then binged this weekend.

Thanks so much for your comment Pichael! I really needed that. Thank you.

Ok, so back on it. I'm gunna target getting to 13.00 then 17.00 and then 22.30. One goal at a time. Keep off my phone.

Not going to post a sob story. I slipped, business as usual. I just wonder if I can do things differently?

All the best
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: Quitforeverthenwin on May 13, 2019, 08:09:54 AM
Well like Pichael said, at least the day 0s are better than the first day zero, getting those few days in are helpful. Changing things up a bit does actually sound like it could be worth trying to me...

I have found writing, (privately usually) about all of the negatives of porn then writing about the benefits of stopping, really thinking about it and reflecting on it, PROACTIVELY (not during an urge but as a like practice for a few days) can help me get through urges. Or maybe add in meditation? The Smart book is good too.

Basically just add something extra to your recovery it may just be an extra 5% focus willpower or whatever to get through the urges that are coming, then from there as the streak gets longer the brain patterns will weaken.
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: BlueHeronFan on May 14, 2019, 06:20:35 PM
Sorry to hear about the relapses, but like pichael and Quit have said, every time you start over is progress. The only thing that counts as failure is giving up.

I remember the earliest days of my recovery years ago when it was all I could do to get through a single day without pmo. Nowadays, it can be weeks without urges, but it's taken years of effort to get there. Definitely keep trying, but don't forget that this is a process that takes time and that it's not just something you can be done with at the flip of a switch.

In other words, it's okay to struggle, and it's awesome to struggle. Remember when we weren't even trying? Think of all the people who don't realize that porn is harming them and who just keep watching. At least you're trying to find a healthier life. Don't give up on it, and just focus on filling your life with things that build you and make you happier so that there isn't any room in your day for porn.
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: LeanAndBop on May 15, 2019, 05:26:57 AM
Day 0
Again... I've slipped hard.
Can't read comments atm but will do. Thank you. Going to try get back on it. Have slipped well into despair recently.
So no I did not reach my goals..
Next goal is 13.00... Honestly I feel deflated.
Best
Bop
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: Quitforeverthenwin on May 15, 2019, 08:32:40 AM
Sorry to hear about the slip. BUT really good that you are coming back to the journal and posting, you'll get a streak going again eventually for sure. You keep getting back to it and that is great.
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: LeanAndBop on May 15, 2019, 09:56:59 AM
Hey thanks I appreciate it. It's so disappointing to slip. Unfortunately PMO brings such immense pleasure, when I'm down in the dumps it is very appealing. I'm still learning and it's slow progress. All the best to you quit!
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: Quitforeverthenwin on May 15, 2019, 03:57:48 PM
Yeah it can be really tough for sure. Something that could help a little bit is a cost benefit analysis, it's from Smart Recovery (science based organization to help get over addictions). It could help you to weigh the pleasure of PMO versus the downsides. The smart manual may also be worth a look, it's like $10. It can be useful to change things up when in the relapse rut. But like I said, really good you keep posting, keep that up... because eventually you will get back on the horse. This way, you still are thinking about recovery and trying.

https://www.smartrecovery.org/smart-recovery-toolbox/cba-4-questions/

https://www.smartrecovery.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/CBA_Worksheet.pdf

Edit: I just realize I mentioned smart several times in this thread. I promise I am not getting a commission or anything lol. I just found their little booklet really helpful and some of their stuff relevant to some of what has come up.
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: BlueHeronFan on May 15, 2019, 06:30:10 PM
Sorry to hear you slipped hard. There's no doubt about it, though: PMO does bring immense pleasure. The problem is that the pleasure from PMO doesn't solve any problems and only makes them worse.

A little while ago, I was listening to something that said that our addictions are our brain's way of taking care of us when we feel we're in trouble. If we feel miserable and depressed, our brain knows that PMO will give us a shot of chemical to make us feel better. It works every time so our brain keeps pushing us back to it. But then we get stuck in addiction, and our lives get worse.

So it might be worth taking another step back. Instead of just focusing on quitting PMO, take some time to think about why you feel down in the dumps. Where is the despair coming from? And then, instead of escaping from your emotions through PMO, think about what you can actually do to address your pain. For me, relapses usually come because I feel sad about being single, because I get too stressed with school, or because I feel stuck or frustrated about something else. That realization has helped me to see that PMO is not just about PMO, but it's about solving more basic problems in my life and learning to deal with my emotions in healthier and more positive ways.

So definitely keep working on cutting PMO out of your life, but also make sure that you're also finding ways to take care of yourself and to find healthier ways of dealing with your sadness. That has made a huge difference for me, and I think it could help you too.
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: WilltoPower on May 15, 2019, 09:54:05 PM
I read through your journal, Bop.

Inspirational. Sorry to hear you slipped. You're still getting better though! Stay vigilant. I'm rooting for you!
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: LeanAndBop on May 16, 2019, 02:21:24 PM
Day 1

Reached my goal.

Began to feel more upbeat. Read a news story or two that made me realise life is precious, and also I could die today... Right now even. I'm still here but this attitude helps me, problems feel lighter. What's the point in persecuting myself if I could die today? I'm not sure how rational this is but it helps...

Next goal is 22.30.
Going to do some light exercise and meditate. Journal too.

Thanks for your comments. Quit I really connected with your thoughts. It makes sense for the brain to work like this, I think but I am not an expert. And I think it makes sense that I look at beyond the act and what comes before. For me it can be feeling isolated or tired, other emotions too. I think I am slowly learning to manage it better. Note: slowly!

Best
Bop
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: Quitforeverthenwin on May 16, 2019, 04:08:40 PM
Great job getting back on the horse! See the persistence payed off, really glad you kept posting and kept trying... keep up the good work! I think that even with lapses if you are constantly trying to get back on the horse, it does not hurt the recovery as much as just going being like "f- in". Since a part of you is resisting it.

Good that those articles inspired you. It reminds me, I was down about girls not being interested in me, then I read a biography of a guy who's wife and daughter died in a plane crash. It really put things in perspective... Our problems are tough but at least we have the opportunity to do something about them!
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: LeanAndBop on May 17, 2019, 04:35:53 AM
Day 2
I reached my goal.
Kepy busy. Exercise. No urges.
Next goal: 7pm
Will be busy and engaged so no issues I think. So if I am not busy and engaged in life then...
Thanks Quit. Yeah I know what you mean, more catastrophic things exist than a relapse! Perspective helps.
best
Bop
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: Quitforeverthenwin on May 17, 2019, 10:29:27 AM
Great keep it up! For sure being really busy is super helpful, especially early into the streak
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: LeanAndBop on May 18, 2019, 06:21:09 AM
Day 3
Reached my goal.
It was a difficult day. Challenging emotions to deal with. I did get an urge but brushed it off.

Next goal is 5pm.
I am socialising so should be OK. There is an opportunity to PMO this evening so I need to be wary. Stay off devices and be with the urge as soon as it comes.

Thanks for your support Quit!

Best
Bop
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: Do or die on May 18, 2019, 02:18:59 PM
Every reboot identifying your weakness. So write down your trigger in a diary and try to complete avoidance of it.
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: BlueHeronFan on May 18, 2019, 06:23:34 PM
Keep going! I'm glad you're making progress with smaller goals! Every time you try again and every time you achieve a goal is a huge win.

I've been struggling with some strong urges the last few days, and it's inspiring to see you working so hard to make progress. If you can keep fighting, I can too.

We'll get there together!
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: Quitforeverthenwin on May 18, 2019, 06:31:52 PM
Great job! Sounds like you are rebuilding that momentum. Keep it up!
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: LeanAndBop on May 19, 2019, 04:18:46 AM
Day 0
Another relapse
Hard to not feel deflated.
Thanks for all your comments. Trigger was TV.
Ah man I feel empty.
Next goal is just 12pm.
Bop
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: WilltoPower on May 19, 2019, 07:58:17 AM
Keep giving it your all Bop!

Was it something suggestive on TV? My friend uses VidAngel on his TV which can censor those kind of things from what I understand. Might be worth checking out.
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: Quitforeverthenwin on May 19, 2019, 09:06:35 AM
The relapses/ lapese can always be a bummer. But one way of looking at it is, at least you are back in something of an upward trend. For a week or two your lapses were becoming more frequent, now you had a few days in between, so it's back on a bit of an upward trend, lengthening streaks, rather then shortening.
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: BlueHeronFan on May 19, 2019, 06:37:17 PM
The relapses/ lapese can always be a bummer. But one way of looking at it is, at least you are back in something of an upward trend. For a week or two your lapses were becoming more frequent, now you had a few days in between, so it's back on a bit of an upward trend, lengthening streaks, rather then shortening.


What he said!

Also, don't forget to be kind to yourself when you relapse (I always forget it myself). It's a bummer to slip, but don't forget that learning from relapses is all a part of the process. As long as you don't mess up for the same reason again, that's still progress. We can only keep learning and improving, little by little, but we'll get where we're going eventually.
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: LeanAndBop on May 20, 2019, 07:55:41 AM
Day 1
Reached my goal.
Next is 5.30pm.
Thanks for all your comments! Really uplifting. Helps me to think positively.
Doing OK today.
Best
Bop
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: LeanAndBop on May 21, 2019, 12:17:42 PM
Day 2
All good.
Feeling ok. Keeping busy and feel motivated. Listening to a helpful podcast.
No urges but a few triggers.
Next goal is 10.30pm
Best
Bop
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: Quitforeverthenwin on May 21, 2019, 05:58:55 PM
Great job! Keep it up, sounds like you are doing the right things.
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: pichaelthompson on May 21, 2019, 09:16:36 PM
Good to hear you had a nice day. It sucks that triggers are apart of life, glad you aren't getting any urges for now. Wishing you the best
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: LeanAndBop on May 22, 2019, 01:11:49 PM
Day 3
Got through till now.
Feeling quite angsty today. Mind caught up in worrying. Thoughts and emotions will pass. I am aware of them. Sometimes I really persecute myself.
Next goal is 10.30pm.
Best not to drink and to go to bed early. Journalling could help.
Thanks for the encouragement.
All the best
Bop
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: LeanAndBop on May 23, 2019, 07:13:22 AM
Day 4
Happy to be here.
Yes reached my goal.
No urges. Aware of uncomfortable emotions and thoughts.
Not too much to say other than it is beautiful day here.
Best
Bop
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: BlueHeronFan on May 23, 2019, 05:52:36 PM
Glad it was a beautiful day over there!

I once read a book about PMO addiction, and there was a story about a man who said that he first noticed that trees had individual leaves when he started his recovery. It sounds a little silly, but I think there's something real to it. I have been much more aware of the beauty in the world as I've moved away from PMO.

Keep your eyes open to the good in the world and focus on what helps you to progress! You've got this!
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: LeanAndBop on May 24, 2019, 07:03:22 AM
Day 5
Glad to be here.
@BlueHeronFan thanks for your support. I think it makes sense.
Doing OK. Triggered last night but blocker and accountability app kept me safe. Very glad.
I jogged early today and had some fun.
Goal is to get to 5.30pm. Stay off phone and focus.
I tend to take life seriously, I think sometimes I need to just be like a kid again.
Best
Bop
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: Quitforeverthenwin on May 24, 2019, 08:35:28 AM
Great job man! Keep up the good work.

Nice insight about taking life seriously.... I think I could use more fun sometimes too. Not always, thinking about what I should be doing or whether I am doing enough....
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: BlueHeronFan on May 24, 2019, 06:12:38 PM
That is a great insight! Honestly, I feel like I've been more like the kid version of me as I've progressed through recovery than the teenager version of me (who was very addicted but wasn't doing anything about it). You know, just in terms of confidence, playfulness, etc. I sometimes forget how much of my personality I lost when I was deep into PMO.

Glad the blockers did their job! Just keep at it: we're with you!
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: LeanAndBop on May 25, 2019, 02:39:41 AM
Day 0
PM relapse on Fri 24 May
Triggers: alcohol, indecision, angst, and boredom.
Back here again.
Oh well.
Target is 12pm.
Exercise and meditate.
Bop
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: Quitforeverthenwin on May 26, 2019, 05:12:28 PM
Keep getting back on that horse! Meditation and exercise are the bomb!
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: LeanAndBop on May 27, 2019, 01:56:23 AM
Day 2
Feeling generally empty and hopeless. I can't watch porn due to blockers on the only device I have access to at the moment. Hobbies seem like a chore, and uninteresting or pretentious. Work is nothing to look forward to. I don't feel proud of my job or my contributions, even though I do my best. Relationships and friendships seem too damaged, weak, or made unappealing by fantasy. I feel like I could be living a simpler more free life, but that comes at a cost. At the end of the day I don't really know what is best for me. I'm making my best guess. Yes, I am an idiot.
As for PMO, it still has such a hold on me. There are boundaries that I won't cross to PMO, but I am really longing for it. Just to get a break, some relief, from a life that feels hopeless, dry, stale, tasteless, yet slightly sickly and, ultimately, good for nothing.
Anyway! My recovery goals will be to help someone out on here, do some meditation, and exercise.
A quick return to moaning, I am so sick of trying to quit porn. I wish I was just a 'normal' human with a group of supportive friends who do 'normal' things and so on... Ahhh fantasy! I do feel lonely and disconnected, to an extent. I feel indignant 100 percent.
But it is not all blue, life may feel like a continuous experience of angst, fear, sickness, and the occassional moment of peace... Note the latter.
@quit thanks for your support!
Best
Bop
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: Quitforeverthenwin on May 27, 2019, 09:32:26 PM
Well man, sorry to hear you are feeling down. Literally what you wrote is word for word what a felt today. Word for word. Isn't that wild.
Anyway, what helped me was I just sat down and read a book for like three hours, it just gave me a chance to reset. So whatever healthy thing you can do to just forget about life for the time being, could help.

Hey man, this may be a little out there but at least you can see! I know it's random, this addiction sucks but man. I wouldn't trade my eyes to get rid of the addiction or an arm or anything like that..... So things could be worse. We have our physical bodies relatively intact, don't have schizophrenia or anything, so we definitely have the opportunity to make things happen in the future...
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: LeanAndBop on May 29, 2019, 07:45:27 AM
Day 4
All ok.
@quit thanks for your comment. I've got to try that some time, just read or meditate or whatever healthy thing for 3 hours. And you are right, I do have eyes... How did you know!? But seriously its good to focus on the positives surely?
Anyway I'm OK. I haven't pmod in a while.
Feeling focused. Plan is to just keep going.
Best.
Bop
I'm still
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: Quitforeverthenwin on May 31, 2019, 03:44:48 PM
Hahaha, I guess I am a psychic.

Great, glad you are feeling better!
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: LeanAndBop on June 01, 2019, 09:26:48 AM
Day 0
Pmo Jun 31
Time alone, managed to let one urge pass but not the next. But it was only 1 hour and not late at night. Will try to avoid isolation, or prepare better for it. Maybe go see a movie or go to a park.
Anyway. Today is challenging. Some difficult emotions. That's my challenge today, just allowing these emotions to be. I can still contribute to the world and have anxiety and fear.
Goal is 11pm.
All the best
Bop
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: BlueHeronFan on June 01, 2019, 06:38:58 PM
Sorry for the troubles, but keep at it!

I've been learning a lot lately that PMO is not the problem but it is a symptom of a larger problem. Really, PMO for me comes out of not knowing how to deal with negative emotions and using PMO to try to escape them. It might be helpful to shift your focus a little bit and to think more about taking care of yourself emotionally than about quitting PMO. If we don't take care of the problems underneath our addictive behaviors, trying to quit will always be frustrating and unsuccessful.

And you definitely can contribute! Probably the goal is not to get rid of negative emotions but to learn to deal with them in healthier ways. It's good that you're meditating. That has helped me a lot. Comedy also helps me a lot too.
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: pichaelthompson on June 02, 2019, 05:26:51 PM
I agree with BlueHeron, for me PMO is a small part of a lifestyle change that I am trying to adapt to hopefully deal with some of the larger issues in my life outside of PMO. Wishing you the best
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: LeanAndBop on June 06, 2019, 05:42:38 AM
Day 0
Thanks for support.
Another relapse.
Not the best day so far. Porn isn't even interesting but I can't seem to stop sometimes.
All the best
Bop
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: Lero on June 06, 2019, 06:00:06 AM
I agree with BlueHeron, for me PMO is a small part of a lifestyle change that I am trying to adapt to hopefully deal with some of the larger issues in my life outside of PMO. Wishing you the best

Exactly. When you see that you are able to deal with your problems without running to PMO, P loses its power. 
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: LeanAndBop on June 06, 2019, 09:54:16 AM
Thanks.
For me it was feeling exhausted and depressed this morning. Then I went to PMO.
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: BlueHeronFan on June 06, 2019, 06:02:01 PM
Thanks.
For me it was feeling exhausted and depressed this morning. Then I went to PMO.

That's an important thing to recognize. What was making you feel exhausted and depressed? What things can you do to help deal with those feelings more directly? If it's in the morning, would going to bed a little earlier help? It might be really simple things early on that can make a big difference before the urges hit.
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: achilles heel on June 07, 2019, 12:38:50 PM
Day 0
Thanks for support.
Another relapse.
Not the best day so far. Porn isn't even interesting but I can't seem to stop sometimes.
All the best
Bop

As you seem to struggle to make it through the first days lately you should analyze in detail how those relapses occur. Not just identify a trigger like you did at one point with TV being the cause, but an exact reconstruction of the situation and the device you used to relapsed.

For most relapses on here I read the same: Being home alone and bored in the evening when there's no activities left to distract, maybe even insomnia or depression setting in. Now there is a computer or cell phone to distract and one thing leads to another. In my case often it was some random news page, a clickbait link with tits or a social media pic and I returned to porn due to excessive cravings after being many days clean.

You need to change something, heavy restrictions on computer and cell phone, not allowing pictures at your browser for example or using restrictions (I use LeechBlock on Firefox)... not allowing phone use while on the sofa or in bed, in my case I even leave the phone outside my home because I know I can't control it sooner or later. I don't even have a TV for years because music videos were my biggest trigger (and still trouble me sometimes because at my gym they show them on screens).

After every relapse try to get some useful information about how you went to porn and what steps could have stopped you.

You made it one month without porn and can do it again - even longer, but it's hard work! All the best for you!  :)
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: Quitforeverthenwin on June 08, 2019, 05:49:25 PM
Sorry about the recent struggles man! Keep trying.
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: LeanAndBop on June 09, 2019, 05:36:13 AM
Day 0
Thanks for the support.
I'm just at a point where I've tried so hard that I feel I don't have energy to keep going.
Going to put better blockers on my laptop.
Another relapse today. Woke up to PMO. Not the best start to a day, but could be worse...
All the best
Bop
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: Lero on June 09, 2019, 06:53:15 AM
Day 0
Thanks for the support.
I'm just at a point where I've tried so hard that I feel I don't have energy to keep going.
Going to put better blockers on my laptop.
Another relapse today. Woke up to PMO. Not the best start to a day, but could be worse...
All the best
Bop

Probably you've heard this a thousand times but at least don't binge. Doing it once a day is one thing but doing it five fucking times is another. Look at me, I haven't been able to control my binges and it's not good.
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: BlueHeronFan on June 09, 2019, 06:12:18 PM
Sometimes it can be hard to want to keep going. Fighting an addiction is hard, probably one of the hardest things we'll do. But don't give up. Think about where you want to be in five years, ten years even. Think about where you could be without porn in your life. Isn't it worth the struggle of giving it up?

Porn has done some good things for us: maybe it has helped us to escape our problems, maybe it has given us pleasure or been fun. It makes sense that it would be hard and painful to give it up. But it's also doing us a lot of harm, so we have to remember that a life without it is worth the pain of getting rid of it.

Keep at it, man! We're all in this one together.
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: LeanAndBop on June 10, 2019, 11:56:31 AM
Day 1
Trying to not focus as much on days. But good to communicate.
Been a good day. Motivated. Just got triggered a bit, feel overwhelmed by the allure. But it passes.
Thanks for the support guys.
Best
Bop
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: LeanAndBop on June 10, 2019, 11:57:43 AM
Day 0
Thanks for the support.
I'm just at a point where I've tried so hard that I feel I don't have energy to keep going.
Going to put better blockers on my laptop.
Another relapse today. Woke up to PMO. Not the best start to a day, but could be worse...
All the best
Bop

Probably you've heard this a thousand times but at least don't binge. Doing it once a day is one thing but doing it five fucking times is another. Look at me, I haven't been able to control my binges and it's not good.

Thanks Lero. Yeah I tend to binge when I relapse. Something I need to work on for sure.
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: LeanAndBop on June 10, 2019, 12:00:11 PM
Sometimes it can be hard to want to keep going. Fighting an addiction is hard, probably one of the hardest things we'll do. But don't give up. Think about where you want to be in five years, ten years even. Think about where you could be without porn in your life. Isn't it worth the struggle of giving it up?

Porn has done some good things for us: maybe it has helped us to escape our problems, maybe it has given us pleasure or been fun. It makes sense that it would be hard and painful to give it up. But it's also doing us a lot of harm, so we have to remember that a life without it is worth the pain of getting rid of it.

Keep at it, man! We're all in this one together.

Thanks Heron. Your comment uplifts me. I think we are really all in this together, we can choose to be and we all have an issue that we work towards overcoming.

What could we do more to support one another?

In 5 years I really hope to have let go of porn and all the shame surrounding past acting out. To at least have made significant progress. I think I would like to be in a position where I can commit to helping others...
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: jixu on June 10, 2019, 03:26:32 PM
I would like to make a suggestion so as not to lose the linguistic battle.  You talked about having shame-I know what you mean and I hear you.  However, how about saying you feel frustration or disappointment, instead of saying you feel shame ?  You are among equals here friend-no need for shame here or "out there" for that matter.

You are wrong about your commitment to help others-you are already helping people.  I have seen your comments many times, cheering a weary traveller on.  To help people in the midst of your own struggle says a lot about you.

The fact that you have been at it for five years is of little relevant significance as to what happens today or tomorrow.  You have a good attitude and a lot of tenacity; many would have given up, but you are still fighting.  Let's do this!   

 
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: LeanAndBop on June 11, 2019, 11:17:34 AM
Day 0
Another relapse. Two. No P.
Coming on here to show some support and just for the habit.
Triggers... Well I am struggling to have interest in work. And I am feeling stressed. Really feel I have little to live for at times. My partner would be better without me I think. But its OK, just going to keep trying. A slip today, that's all. I would be lying if I said I'm not not feeling low, though.
Plan is to jog...
Best
Bop
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: LeanAndBop on June 11, 2019, 11:19:27 AM
I would like to make a suggestion so as not to lose the linguistic battle.  You talked about having shame-I know what you mean and I hear you.  However, how about saying you feel frustration or disappointment, instead of saying you feel shame ?  You are among equals here friend-no need for shame here or "out there" for that matter.

You are wrong about your commitment to help others-you are already helping people.  I have seen your comments many times, cheering a weary traveller on.  To help people in the midst of your own struggle says a lot about you.

The fact that you have been at it for five years is of little relevant significance as to what happens today or tomorrow.  You have a good attitude and a lot of tenacity; many would have given up, but you are still fighting.  Let's do this!   

 

Hey jixu,
Thanks.
I understand where you are coming from with language use. I use the word shame as I feel that, not another emotion. But yes maybe there is no need for it, little benefit.

I really appreciate your comment. It's kind of you. Wishing you well.
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: achilles heel on June 11, 2019, 04:31:08 PM
Try to pull yourself out of the downward spiral of negative emotions and thoughts... I know where you are and how your brain makes all kinds of stupid excuses to not get up but remain in the dirt... shame and self-hatred just hold you down... but every day counts and you can start to change things right now, step by step.

I've gone through that feeling of "It's day 0 anyway so another relapse won't matter because I have to start from nothing anyway" many times and it seems like you are there too... I also struggle for years with failed reboots and every relapse is damaging the belief in overcoming this addiction, but I read a quote by Thomas Edison that really helped me:

"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."

Just get up and start again, think about what didn't work during your last reboot attempts and change those things for the better!
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: Do or die on June 14, 2019, 12:04:39 AM
Only you can change yourself. Believe in yourself. Not any other super natural power is going to help you. Only you can help yourself. Best luck bro.
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: pichaelthompson on June 14, 2019, 03:51:11 PM
We all feel shame towards ourselves when we relapse, but I will never scold or shame anyone for PMO'ing no matter what. This is because I understand the struggle, how it is hard beyond comprehension and logic. Know that whatever you are feeling, you have a community here that will always respect and support you just for trying and failing. Best of luck
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: BlueHeronFan on June 14, 2019, 05:59:27 PM
We all feel shame towards ourselves when we relapse, but I will never scold or shame anyone for PMO'ing no matter what. This is because I understand the struggle, how it is hard beyond comprehension and logic. Know that whatever you are feeling, you have a community here that will always respect and support you just for trying and failing. Best of luck

Definitely! The only thing shame does is keep us addicted. We're all making mistakes a long the way. Progress might be slow and frustrating, but you're still trying! Think of all the guys who are addicted to porn and aren't even doing anything about it. The fact that you're still going, even with bumps in the road, is huge. We're all dealing with the same stuff, and we're here with you.
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: LeanAndBop on June 16, 2019, 07:20:39 PM
Day 0
Thanks for support
The downward spiral continues
So in the habit of PMO it's so hard not to do
And not doing it requires constant effort
Oh well, will try get back on it
Taking St John's wart is helping depression
Best
Bop
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: Lero on June 17, 2019, 04:18:46 AM
Me too, man. I haven't been too successful either.
Title: Re: Journal
Post by: Do or die on June 19, 2019, 12:11:20 AM
We feel that when we are close to got relapsed , we think that start a new reboot from tomorrow and i can definitely do that.
But you don't remember that you did it already then why you wasting your first efforts by relapsing.
So i suggest you a mindful ness meditation about how life without porn is so beautiful than porn. Do it daily . because its a normal thing that human leave small things for large and more profitable things.
In your mind you know that if i start today i relapse tomorrow. This thinking is because of past experience. Create a new experience by not relapsing.
All the best..