Reboot Nation

Journals => Ages 40 and up => Topic started by: jixu on March 24, 2019, 04:23:19 PM

Title: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on March 24, 2019, 04:23:19 PM
 
   Two weeks or so into the forum now-came here by the "must read" Your Brain on Porn.

    50 years plus old, never a daily user but more of the sporadic use while looking for relief from work stress.  Although I never did web cams, escorts, strip clubs etc the plain old vanilla stuff was more than sufficient to push me into discouragement, shame, and defeat. 

    At first I just focused on stress reduction, but, in this life, that is a losing battle.  Stress is going to come no matter what we do; the key is properly handling the stress.  We all know one way that doesn't work, the reason we are here.  I have recently seen the great power that encouragement can bring, and that is why this forum is so helpful to us.

    As a practical matter, I have found having an accountability partner to be a big help.  it doesn't have to be some 2 hour meet-up at Denny's; just a simple weekly report or staying in touch is helpful.  However, beware-I have previously lied to my AP, and it is no guarantee to help you if you don't use honesty and commitment. 

    No more heading to the cheating side of town.  You can't hide your Lyin' Eyes.

     Best wishes to all the fighters and warriors out there.  If you have recently stumbled, get back up.  if you are doing strong and great-keep on keeping on. It is an honor to be in your midst.   
     

Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on April 07, 2019, 07:30:27 AM
Day 25 clean

Was able to handle a couple of bad stress days from work.  This battle is so worth it in so many ways.  Stay strong everybody!

If you have recently stumbled, get back up today-now!   
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: BigMog on April 07, 2019, 10:20:02 AM
Good work Jixu. Being able to cope with with those stressful days in other ways than PMO is a good victory. Keep at it!
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on April 07, 2019, 06:21:36 PM
BigMog, you are so right about stress!  Thanks for the encouragement !
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: workinprogressUK on April 08, 2019, 03:56:23 AM
25 days and counting. That's great progress. Reads like you have your foundations set up really well. Good luck and stay strong. You can do it.
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: Pete McVries on April 10, 2019, 09:56:00 AM
25 days is huge but it will even get better. Stick to the game plan and keep racking up those days!
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: cranm329 on April 10, 2019, 02:44:41 PM
Well done going 25 days
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on April 10, 2019, 06:08:48 PM
Thanks for the encouragement WIP, Pete, and Cranm.  Keep going strong you guys!   
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on April 17, 2019, 07:17:51 AM

Day 35 clean

Doing pretty decent most of the time but am battling an old enemy of mine-procrastination.  I am good at tackling the big stuff but tend to let a bunch of little things pile up and then I can get discouraged by it.  Need to hit the ground running in the morning instead of dallying around.  In other words, some of the personal and employment stress I encounter is self-induced!  How dumb is that ? Anyway, the over-all fight is progressing ok and the battle is worth it !       
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: Pete McVries on April 21, 2019, 07:05:42 AM
Nice to hear, you're staying strong. Remember, don't try to tackle all problems at once. Small steps and build from there! Take care!
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on May 02, 2019, 07:29:32 AM

Day 50 clean

Spending some time re-watching the "Your brain on porn" video that is so conveniently linked on the home page.  Good to keep in mind all facets of this battle.     
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: BigMog on May 21, 2019, 04:45:46 PM
Hi jixu, how are you doing?-haven't heard from you for a while.
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on May 26, 2019, 07:06:21 AM
 75 Day Clean

Attended a couple of wonderful social functions last week.  Prior to attending the functions I kind of dreaded it but they turned out to be great. It is nice to be clean and clear and it seems likes it makes the interactions a lot less stressful and much more meaningful.  It also reinforced the notion that it is good to break the daily routine and shake things up a bit once in awhile.  It is easy to get trapped into thinking that nothing exists except work or study or whatever the daily toil involves.   

BigMog, thanks for your post and the encouragement that you give to us here on this forum.

Keep fighting warriors!

 
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: idunno on May 26, 2019, 06:10:53 PM
I've been finding socializing more rewarding, too. Less stressful, less worried that I'm going to let something slip. Also, fewer porn-related intrusions in the back of my own mind during conversations, etc. Easier to focus, to laugh. Your post reminded me of that.
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on June 05, 2019, 09:20:19 AM
Yikes, 85 days or so clean and the last two days have been the hardest for urges! Today I caught myself deceiving myself trying to prepare to pre-peek some peeking, if you know what I mean.  Thought I would come on here and type it out of the system.  Feel better already!  What tricky brains we have.

Thanks idunno for your comments and good example! I think social expansion and interaction are big-time necessary in this journey! 
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: Lero on June 05, 2019, 01:07:16 PM
Wow, man, 85 days! Outstanding progress!
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: BigMog on June 06, 2019, 02:48:49 PM
Well done Jixu. Congrats on 85 Days and on defeating the urges yesterday.
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on June 06, 2019, 03:36:54 PM
Thanks for the encouragement BigMog !  It is crazy the way the urges can seemingly come out of nowhere fast.
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: ArthurMorgan on June 08, 2019, 09:43:37 AM
Good luck brother. Keep going. I've just passed 100 days. Urges are ok for me, just trying to repair myself physically is the issue.
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on June 11, 2019, 11:19:08 AM
  90 Day Clean     ......but this post is not about me.....

The forum is littered with jaded journals and dead threads all over the place, and I think I know part of the reason for this-people are too embarrassed to come back after lapsing, people are too afraid they are letting other people down if they admit a stumble after having seemingly figured the whole thing out.   

To anyone who started fine and crashed a bit, I would like to say first of all, join the club-you are not the first and wont be the last. Second, you need to get back and start again.  In doing so, you owe no explanation to anyone (if you want to provide one, then fine-but you don't owe it to anyone).  I've seen guys come back from being gone many months with entries like "Day 1, feeling good, worked out today" etc. with no comment on the absence and so forth; that is great in my opinion.  You owe no explanation but you owe it to yourself to get back.  It shows courage and will inspire others. 

I am doing great right now but who knows what I'll be 30 days from now?  We have to support each other and be real people.  Ok everybody, let's get back to work!!       

Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: BigMog on June 11, 2019, 03:56:01 PM
Hey Jixu, very well done on the 90 Days. Keep it going!

.
and I think I know part of the reason for this-people are too embarrassed to come back after lapsing, people are too afraid they are letting other people down if they admit a stumble


Good observation, yes that’s me! I don’t think I was under the impression I had it all worked out but my latest run of lapses is longer than I anticipated and yes I do feel embarrassed. I will post again in my own thread and like you I encourage others in my position to do the same and stay with the process.
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: ArthurMorgan on June 12, 2019, 12:09:43 PM
I relapsed after 90 days but I'm back on it, restarted again and now I'm 105 days in, we just crack on, and keep going, good luck everyone
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: Jbow on June 16, 2019, 09:01:27 AM
jixu, you are doing great.  I was reading your observations,  and you sound like an old pro at rebooting.  I've been here a long time and I fallen more times than I care to count. the important thing is that we always get back up and keep moving forward. I'm afraid the temptation will ALWAYS be there, we just need to figure out how to work around them. just last night I was in bed and a bunch of crap went through my mind,  and if I wasnt committed to getting better, I'd still be in bed surfing the waves of desire.  stay strong and I want to thank you for your support you have given me on my journal. I have a saying I learned several years ago, IN THE BEGINNING,  ALWAYS THINK OF THE END. I know that's kind of random, but when I get the urge to look at that crap I've relied on for 3 plus decades, that saying helps me a lot.
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on June 16, 2019, 10:40:42 AM
Thanks JBOW for your encouraging words and the wise articulation of the battle we face.  You are right-we have to keep moving forward, no matter what.  The urges like you mentioned are not only daily but often hourly, and that is why to me everybody is really in some way at Day 1- we all have to make it through today, regardless of what the length of our "streak" might be.   Thinking of the end, thanks again! 
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: workinprogressUK on June 17, 2019, 07:01:39 AM
You're absolutely right, jixu. Every day is like day-1. No reason to think we won't continue to get cravings and temptations, having swamped our brains with P for som many years. I walked into my home office this morning and i got a pin-prick fast message in my head that it would be good to look at P instead of working today. I still get them most days and whenever I have to do something that I don't want to. I think I'm going to continue to get those little "zaps" from my "automatic brain" for a long time to come. We all start fresh every day.

Great to see you continuing to make progress. Wishing you strength.
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on July 10, 2019, 08:07:59 PM
120 Day Clean

No matter what stage you are at, even if you are 5 minutes clean, make a new commitment today-now-and keep going.  Do not give up.

Will be out for awhile-take care!   
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: allforone on July 10, 2019, 09:23:32 PM
Great job 120 days! Keep going! I am running just behind you in this journey. Lets do it together!
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on July 13, 2019, 07:16:49 AM
Thanks for the encouragement allforone and wip.  Best wishes and keep going-it is worth it!
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: BigMog on July 15, 2019, 03:02:41 AM
120 Days. Nice work Jixu. Thanks for continuing to post. It helps the rest of us to see that someone else has managed to make so much progress.
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: workinprogressUK on July 15, 2019, 03:29:29 AM
No matter what stage you are at, even if you are 5 minutes clean, make a new commitment today-now-and keep going.  Do not give up.

 :D Love that!
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on July 24, 2019, 06:37:39 AM
133 Day Clean

Dealing with what seems like a series of never ending stress-laden work days!  Getting sustenance, stability, and direction from the Psalms.  Stress is just part of the deal and we must engage it without resorting to temporary false comfort relievers like porn.

Let's all have a clean day today-take care! 
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on August 08, 2019, 12:51:31 PM
I am more or less at 150 days clean.  Based on reading about others, and based on my own experiences, I have discovered a couple of things.

The first item is stumbling.  When we stumble, we have to remember to exercise proportionality.  Don't make light of it, but don't get devastated by it either. Of course, learn what we can from it, but the battle is all about today, right now; we have to continue moving forward. 

Another observation is that we have to deploy preparation and intentionality.  We have to prepare our minds for what we will do when the situation or scenario arises. If we don't firmly resolve to look away ahead of time we will be lost when we are in the midst of the trigger.    For example, when we go to check the score from last night's ballgame, we know ahead of time that stuff can come up from the side, such as "top 10 hottest wives of the players" or whatever.  We can not always avoid this type of stuff, but we have to have told ourselves ahead of time that we wont go for it.  I guess it really comes down to intentionality-what am I really pursuing at this gym, library, web site, etc.  We have to be honest about it and watch out for self-deception.

The porn site does not care about your streak; whether it is 3 days or 3 years, we will be most readily welcomed to visit.  That is why I have come to the conclusion that it is really day 1 for us all-and today we will be clean!

Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: Lero on August 08, 2019, 12:55:27 PM
Another observation is that we have to deploy preparation and intentionality.  We have to prepare our minds for what we will do when the situation or scenario arises. If we don't firmly resolve to look away ahead of time we will be lost when we are in the midst of the trigger.    For example, when we go to check the score from last night's ballgame, we know ahead of time that stuff can come up from the side, such as "top 10 hottest wives of the players" or whatever.  We can not always avoid this type of stuff, but we have to have told ourselves ahead of time that we wont go for it.  I guess it really comes down to intentionality-what am I really pursuing at this gym, library, web site, etc.  We have to be honest about it and watch out for self-deception.

I definitely subscribe to this idea. Maybe I've been doing something like this too. In my case, it manifests like a disgust for porn and anything related. When I see stuff like that, I feel that disgust and say: "No, get the fuck out of my face! I know what you're trying to do but I'm done with this. I've other business here, not to fucking click on you!" Creating this mentality is a very powerful too. "I will check some websites cause I need to find out something but, if something pops up, I don't give a fuck."
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: hope2reboot on August 10, 2019, 03:36:48 PM
Yeah definitely agree! We gotta hate this crap for what it really is. Soul and joy destroying lies. Wants nothing but to destroy us and ruin our lives. Congrats jixu on the 150. I agree everyday is like day one and the more day ones we can put together back to back the more our minds will heal up.
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: idunno on August 15, 2019, 12:25:21 PM
Good job jixu. I like your thoughts on intentionality. The same goes for me with women I see around. Just yesterday, dropping off at school. I realized my attention was "over there," towards a certain woman who I've often wanted to leer at. I then asked myself -- of all the 360 degrees of places to direct my attention, why am I lingering over there? I was able to cut it off at that point. Then I try to just move on, not beat myself up over the strong urge to stare. Anyway, happy to be progressing with you and all the other folks here.
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on August 15, 2019, 05:38:08 PM
Lero and Hope2, thanks for the comments and encouragement!

idunno, that is something, isn't it?  Just being away from the screen does not guarantee a smooth ride-potential triggers are basically everywhere!  Let us continue to resolve in our minds what we will do beforehand! 
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: BigMog on August 18, 2019, 09:29:23 AM
Well done Jixu,
Yes I agree with your comments about intentionality. When I’ve been clean for a while I kind of forget I’m in this battle so get caught out by triggers. I guess I need to constantly be preparing and reminding myself of what I’m going to do in any triggering situation.
Keep up the good work!
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on August 18, 2019, 01:02:51 PM
BigMog, thanks for the encouragement.  You are so right-sometimes we can stumble even when things are going pretty well and we let our guard down.  What a crazy battle!
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: Lero on August 18, 2019, 02:05:02 PM
BigMog, thanks for the encouragement.  You are so right-sometimes we can stumble even when things are going pretty well and we let our guard down.  What a crazy battle!

There is a big risk for this when things are going well because of letting the guard down. "I can handle it now, no problem". We have to be careful.
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on September 05, 2019, 05:31:56 AM
  175 day recap, includes a stumble

I have been here for about 6 months now and have been encouraged by the brute honesty and dedication of people here improving their lives.  On day 173 I had a 2 minute "session" so to speak and a 1 minute session the following day.  So, I had 3 minutes out of 175 days.  That is good on paper, but, while the goal is reduction, the real goal for me is complete eradication.  I feel more disappointed in myself as opposed to despondent-what a knucklehead !

The days pass quickly once you get going.  However, I have always viewed the days as simply being yesterday, today, and tomorrow-those are the only three that really matter.   

It is all about the thought life-where does your mind go at rest?  This is the key, and being off-screen does not guarantee victory (but it sure helps).  My stumble was precipitated by playing around, by "dwelling" on perfectly harmless material, even just something like a small facial picture of someone or a "concentrated glance" at a stranger on the street. Viewing is one thing, but dwelling and letting the mind run wild is another.

Ok, enough talk-back to the fight.  Regardless of our streaks, let's be clean today everybody.



 

   



Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: Iloveicecream on September 05, 2019, 08:10:39 AM
your Performance is very impressive.
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: Free-man on September 05, 2019, 09:44:54 AM
triggers are very difficult to fix, I think they always going stay there hide at moments, but waiting…
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: workinprogressUK on September 06, 2019, 07:22:06 AM
Great work. I'm inspired by your success. Your insights and experiences make for interesting reading, too.
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on September 08, 2019, 04:25:48 PM
Ice, thanks for the kind words, and Free, that is a good reminder about triggers.

WIP, I was very encouraged by your comment.  Thanks, and thanks as well for your steadfast support and encouragement to the Forum as a whole.

If any of you have recently stumbled, as I did recently, the only option is to get back on track again.  Stay in the battle, no matter what.

4 Day Clean
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on September 12, 2019, 07:48:41 PM
Had a great run today-it is often the best part of the day!  Like many others have noted, some form of an exercise regimen is a great addition to the over-all stride of life improvement.  Walking is fine as well; running and walking are free and they get one outdoors. 

Lots of triggers all around the last few days-no matter what we do an ambush is right around the corner.

8 Day Clean
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: idunno on September 17, 2019, 01:00:36 PM
Hey jixu, I hope you're doing OK. I'm pulling for you, as everyone else is I'm sure. If there's anything to learn from the stumble, I hope you crack it, but if not then I hope you just move on to an even better effort. God knows I had so many stumbles (...and complete falls, and over-the-cliff plunges, etc...), that I don't think there was anything to learn from them after a while. In fact, I probably got to the point where I liked thinking about stumbles and relapses, because doing so allowed me to think about porn! Everyone's different, so I hope I'm not saying anything wrong, but here's hoping you focus on the positive, and on the good path into the future. I'm talking like all this is in the past, but I'm really struggling with it every day, too.
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on September 17, 2019, 02:45:39 PM
Hi idunno-great to hear from you, and thanks for the encouragement!  Doing pretty decent, just trying to juggle, allocate, and integrate the various personal and professional stressors that seem to pop up.  I agree about what you said about learning, in that my battle lies more in the doing than in the lack of knowing what I should be doing.  Have enjoyed and benefited from the cogent comments you have made, both on your thread and others.  Thanks again!

13 Day Clean       
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: Pete McVries on September 20, 2019, 04:06:46 AM
Hey jixu,

sorry to hear about your relapse but kudos that you go right back at it!

May I ask what led to your relapse or what caused it? You don't need to explain yourself, I'm just interested in it because you were clean for such a long time.

Take care!
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on September 20, 2019, 07:05:15 AM
Hi Pete!  As I think about my recent relapse, it is interesting to me to start by gauging my reaction to the relapse.  In the past I would be plunged into despondency and it would greatly impact me for at least a few days.  This time was quite different: this time I was just basically disappointed in myself, feeling like a bonehead, talking to myself like, "nice move genius, what an idiot" etc.  I usually don't have inner dialogue like that.  The viewing time was very very short (just wham bam thank you mam) and there was no binge afterwards or anything approaching that and getting back on board was not difficult. 

I think part of the reason for having disappointment instead of despair was based on the reason for the relapse: I think I chose to view the stuff as a celebratory offering to myself (I don't mean it in the sense that I rewarded myself with porn due to the fact of the 6 month streak).  Yes, I think I became mentally slothful in the "midst of prosperity."  Actually, things were going along quite nicely-the usual suspect, work stress, was not really at play.  I guess in some manner maybe the smooth and easy going kind of disoriented me in a sense and I was in a new place so to speak and did not self-adjust accordingly and I let my guard down.   Don't get me wrong: it isn't like my life is horrible.  I have stable employ, am socially connected, have a reasonably clear conscience, can sleep at night, decent health, etc etc.  But, I guess i'm not good at dealing with good things when they get "gooder" ha ha.  After it is all said and done, the raw reality is this: I watched it because I wanted to, plain and simple.
 
In the broad sense, I view the goal as life self-improvement so that we can be of useful service to others and ourselves.  The self-improvement destination has many areas (exercise, continued education and learning, eating right, being kind to our families and friends, etc) of which porn elimination is one component.  It is a huge component, no doubt. 

I think counting days is good, but the main thing to me is this: what is my life like today-what is my life like right now?

Best wishes to all !

16 Day Clean















   

Best wishes in your journey!



 
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: Lero on September 20, 2019, 08:52:14 AM
That's right, man, this is a good strategy not to get miserable about the relapse. It is usually a mistake we make before we relapse, it's not that we are idiots, incapable people or whatever. We actually know what to do, especially those who make it to many days, they don't get there because they went to sleep and woke up after 6 months. They have a plan, they know what they have to do but mistakes are always available. You might not even know when the mistake jumps out of the bushes. I've noticed that some people relax their guard after a few months, thinking that they have it, everything is going great and they don't need to be that super careful. I don't know if this happened to you but it's something to keep in mind, as you have the ability to go months without relapse. Keep in mind what made you relapse.
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on September 29, 2019, 06:14:18 PM
Dealing with a reasonably large and extremely unpleasant (as well as utterly unanticipated) financial blow to the family bank account this week.  The good thing is that I didn't procrastinate and immediately engaged in at least some mitigation efforts to contain the thing.  Sometimes if faced with this I would go to sleep and hope it went away the next day-it doesn't work like that.  Was proud that I didn't seek the easy way out and faced it head on and didn't let the stress send me into the wrong stuff and direction.

Take care all-keep going no matter what you are facing.

25 Day Clean       
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on October 08, 2019, 01:54:03 PM
Rats! Lost the restart at 30 plus days a couple of days back. Saw it coming a mile away and didn't fight it properly as it started to very manifestly percolate right before my eyes.  Instead of knocking it out at inception I let it rage like a wildfire out of control.

Just keep going, patience and pace, one day at a time. 

2 Day Clean 
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: cranm329 on October 08, 2019, 08:09:11 PM
Well done getting getting back on track. Just a thought...rather than fighting this addiction, consider killing it stone dead. Stake through the heart, silver bullet, whatever imagery that works for you. It's a beast that will keep coming back from its hiding place in the deepest recesses of your mind. For me it was other imagery that helped ( have shared in my journal) but I had to face the monster down and say " I deny you! I give you up!" Prepare to psychologically 'die' in the process because the beast is part of you. The 'real' you can then be free to live as never before.
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on October 08, 2019, 08:31:14 PM
Thanks Cranm for your encouragement and comments.  I hadn't thought of conceptualizing it like that, it makes a lot of sense.  Thanks! 
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on October 11, 2019, 05:46:08 AM
Kind of quiet out there in the 40 and up Forum.  Feels like the dark dreary November of the soul has set in early.  Hope folks can give some updates, whether rain or shine.  If you have achieved some goals and desired milestones, pass them along as encouragement and keep going.  If you are struggling, come back in and restart the commitment. Friend, today and tomorrow are what count.
 
Take care!

5 Day clean   
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: Rex on October 11, 2019, 08:47:47 AM
Jixu,

Great work on jumping back on the wagon, this was something in the past I was never good at.  Once I started getting good at jumping back on the wagon, that was the first step forward for me to the success I have had in the last year staying away from PMO. 

You need to take one day at a time and not worry about the next day, the days will pass just concentrate on staying clean that day. One thing that I have discovered is that the fall to PMO never begins right before it happens.  It starts in the mind days, weeks, months, etc. before it happens.  In other words if you rationalize a fall to PMO in the future, you'll fall.  Don't give in in your thoughts.  When those thoughts hit your mind, knock them immediately out.  Laugh at those tempting or rationalization thoughts concerning falling to PMO, and keep saying to yourself - "never again".  It will get easier the more times you successfully knock the thoughts out of your mind, the effect they will have on you will lessen the more times you successfully do this.  It's a skill that takes some practice but it yields great results.  You'll find over time the thoughts and temptations won't hold any power over you, you'll have the self control to not let them bother you or pay any attention to them.  You'll treat them like an annoying person that you avoid and ignore.  Another technique that worked well is when I would get porn images of women hit my mind from previous PMO falls, I would pray for these women - a Hail Mary or Our Father prayer.  And every time the images would come back to my mind I would repeat the prayer.  This usually caused the images to stop popping into in my head for a while. The longer you stay away from PMO those former porn images that you viewed begin to fade and drop from your subconscious.

Be very cautious and control what passes through the eyes especially when it comes to TV shows and movies.  If a TV show or movie has nudity in it, don't watch it.  If when watching a TV show or movie you feel it's stimulating bad thoughts or feelings, shut it off and watch something else.  It's amazing how this stuff enters into the subconscious leading to a fall to PMO.  I find when I watch TV now, I watch a lot of documentaries and sports games.  I stopped watching baseball years ago, now I watch MLB baseball games all the time. 

The biggest change I made in order to defeat PMO, was to realize that it was a lot more powerful than me I needed God's help to overcome it.  Just like in any 12 step recovery program, God is the center of the recovery.  It was when I turned over my recovery to God and instituted a daily prayer life that I started to truly beat PMO.  You can read my journal for more details. 

Last, please remember this, no matter how bad the urges or temptations are they always pass.  At the time when they hit they may seem like it's never going to end and you have to submit to them.  No, they will soon pass.  Each time you beat them you get stronger and the urges and temptations overall get weaker.

You recently made it over 30 days free from PMO.  This is a sign that you are close to beating it.  I really started to notice the changes where it got easier after the 60 day mark and then after 6 months I saw big changes where it was second nature to stay clean.  It takes awhile but the longer you stay away from PMO the easier it gets.   

I'll keep you in my prayers.  Keep up the hard work, you are going to beat PMO!

.
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on October 11, 2019, 10:35:01 AM
Rex, thanks for that considerate and thoughtful reply.  There is a lot of good stuff to think about and absorb.  You are spot on about giving in to the thoughts-that is what got me last time.  The thought was planted and nurtured prior to the event itself.

I have also noticed that when my daily devotions in the Psalms flounder I become way more susceptible to the urges.  Like you said, they will indeed pass, but it is good to have (as you noted) some spiritual help in warding them off.

Thanks again and best wishes as you continue on your own journey! 

Day 5  Clean
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on October 16, 2019, 10:24:29 AM
Staying on track and patiently engaging in the daily battles that arise. 

WIP, BigMog, idunno, jbow-would love hearing from any of you guys, even if you are taking a break from the forum.  The 40 year old group threads are getting pretty lean these days.  Hope all is well.

10 Day Clean
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: BigMog on October 16, 2019, 03:39:01 PM
Hi Jixu, thanks for thinking of me. I’m still here, still reading the forum. I had some success and then a couple of fails, so I’m just regrouping at the moment. I feel I don’t have  much to say but it’s probably sensible to keep journaling more regularly just so I keep focused on the mission.
You’ve said further back that stress at work is a trigger, but conversely that when things are going too well you can have a slip. I think many of us have similar experiences. For me to be successful seems to require just keeping on an even keel, controlling the stress but also when things are going OK not forgetting that I am still in the struggle and making sure I am prepared for when the urges come.
Also I agree with your comments about escaping PMO being part of a bigger goal of self improvement.
Keep up the good fight!
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on October 16, 2019, 04:26:54 PM
BigMog-so great to hear from you, and encouraging as well !  It is always good to be reminded about being on guard when things are going smoothly.  Hope you can get some fresh momentum going as you regroup and continue the trek to freedom.  Thanks again, take care!
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on October 21, 2019, 09:40:12 AM
Had a good weekend with some family members enjoying a portion of awesome and majestic nature.  It is nice to get outdoors and see the enormity of the world-it helps keep my struggles in proper perspective.  Looking forward to a nice jog a bit later.

It is frustrating to lose a streak but the numbers do come back and begin to accumulate.  Never give up, and best wishes to all !

15 Day Clean

Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: cranm329 on October 21, 2019, 02:42:37 PM
Well done for going over 2 weeks.
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on October 28, 2019, 03:21:41 PM
Had a good weekend after a challenging week at work.  Most days have been passing without incident but yesterday was a tough one but I prevailed.  Glad to be able to give a good report to my AP.  So easy to give in, but so regrettable afterwards.  Keep fighting, it is worth it.

22 Day Clean
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: lyon03 on November 01, 2019, 06:23:34 AM
3+ weeks porn-free! Great job my friend. Keep coming back and sharing your journey. For every person posting here, I reckon there are dozens quietly following our journeys. Take care.
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: Rex on November 01, 2019, 12:45:44 PM
Jixu,

You have made it through the toughest part of the reboot, keep moving forward and keep up the vigilance that you had the the last three weeks that kept you clean.  Remember, no matter how bad the urges or temptations get, they will pass.  Each time you fight these urges and temptations until they pass, you win and it gets easier to fight them. 

Keep up the hard work!  You're doing great. 

Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on November 11, 2019, 08:05:11 AM
Been focusing on ways to deal with difficulties in the employment arena-often times the struggles at work spill over to other areas of life in non-helpful ways.  Met up with a friend and got some good advice on dealing with some of the situations.  It seems like we often think only experts have the answers but sometimes the guy across the street or the old friend is just or even more helpful.

Thanks Rex and Lyon for the encouragement.

13 Day Clean   
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on November 18, 2019, 12:46:27 PM
Been doing better at properly channelling work-related stress; that is a big issue with me, generally speaking.  Have also increased the social activities a bit, something I'm not always that enthusiastic about.   I have discovered, however, that usually the events turn out to be a lot better than expected!  I am going to an event this weekend that I am only so-so about so i guess i'll have a chance to test the theory!

20 Day Clean     
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: warp4 on November 26, 2019, 10:28:24 AM
Hi jixu

first time poster here and wanted to say your posts have inspired me.  I'm 55 yo and have been dealing with PMO almost since I first signed up with AOL (I know, I know) in the late 90's.  My obsession has come and gone over the years, but never gone for good.  My trigger has always been work stress too, coupled with boredom and my general lack of desire for socializing (I'm an introvert, prefer my own company and that of my wife to anyone else).

Over the last 3 years, work got very stressful and emotionally painful for me and stresses in life outside of work increased too.  In April of this year, I resigned from my job of 25 years under duress and it really crushed my soul.  I loved what I did and it was my career, not just a "job".  This emotional and financial pain led to a several month binge of PMO.  Turned to webcam for the first time along with vanilla porn sites.  Put myself in debt racking up charges to chat with cam girls.  My wife has been on to me for several years about my porn habit and though she's not necessarily opposed to porn, she is opposed to my binging and PIED.  About 3 weeks ago, I discovered Gary Wilson's YouTube video which led me to videos from Gabe, which led me to Reboot Nation.  I've been PMO clean for almost 3 weeks now, though I did slip about 6 days ago, but only got to the "P" stage, didn't follow with "MO".

This morning I am struggling with urges and "wanting", so I decided to jump on the Forums here for my age group and read your story.  After writing the above, I find my urge is still there, but not nearly so strong.  I think you've helped me through one more day.  Thanks for sharing your journey and continuing struggles.  It really does help the rest of us.
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on November 26, 2019, 11:23:23 AM
Hi Warp-thanks so much for your incredibly encouraging comments!  Also, and more importantly, congratulations on undertaking this new commitment to engage in this battle.  The webcam escalation is a definite no-go zone warning (danger danger Will Robinson!!) and I'm glad you have taken control.  I will say, however, that it is hard to say what anyone would do if facing a job situation as you described-that would be a huge stressor looking for an outlet.  That would devastate anyone, so please don't be too hard on yourself.  At any rate, best wishes and even with some stumbles here and there it will be nice to have an over-all clean feeling of doing the right thing to improve ourselves !  Keep going, you are doing the right thing. 
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on November 30, 2019, 11:07:27 AM
Wishing everyone a clean and enjoyable weekend.  Let's renew our resolve and build some momentum as we battle our way day by day into the new year.  Nothing magical about calendar dates but they can serve as reflecting points and motivational helps.  No more destruction from this garbage!  Take care, and keep going forward today-right now. 

32 Day Clean
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: warp4 on November 30, 2019, 01:03:34 PM
Wishing everyone a clean and enjoyable weekend.  Let's renew our resolve and build some momentum as we battle our way day by day into the new year.  Nothing magical about calendar dates but they can serve as reflecting points and motivational helps.  No more destruction from this garbage!  Take care, and keep going forward today-right now. 

32 Day Clean

Thank you Jixu.  Hope your weekend is clean but fun.  I'm nearly a month into this (had nothing to do with "No Nut November" though, it was just seriously TIME), but still have to fight off the "wanting" nearly every day.  The holidays are a blessing in that there are more people/family around, so I'm occupied by (trying to) socialize.  I'm the cook in my family, so that keeps me occupied, as does the inevitable clean up!  The days that are difficult are those where I am bored, because when I get bored, I start to stress and when I stress...you know.

This is literally a battle with my own brain and a part of myself I don't like very much.  I even find my brain trying to tell me that "this isn't bad, come on, you need a little pleasure now and then, what easier way to get it, no one has to know blah blah blah".  It's scary when I read on these forums about guys who say they feel much more in control after only 2 or 3 weeks.  I don't feel more in control, yet, and I'm worried "what if I never get there?"  I know I'm only a month into this, but still.  Its probably that addicted part of my brain trying to make me give up, in a more insidious way.

Anyway,  best to all of you out there and fight the good fight!
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: BigMog on December 03, 2019, 04:40:00 AM
Well done for 32 days Jixu, keep it going!
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on December 06, 2019, 07:25:42 AM
BigMog-thanks for the encouragement.  It is always good to hear from you and know that you are still trekking along!  Warp, hope you are still engaged in the battle.

Here is to a clean weekend!

38 Day Clean 
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: John1968 on December 07, 2019, 06:13:58 AM
Hi guys hope you don’t mind me chipping in
I’m comcerned
Reading this thread and a few others it seems I should be gagging to get some porn on
My story is I’m 51 and noticed about 5 years ago that I wasn’t excited in sex wasn’t getting hard during foreplay or kissing etc
Also lost morning erections and not had one in 4 years
I have been pursuing low testosterone as mine is low, but being in the uk you don’t get anywhere with trying to get on trt very easily so went down the self medicating route
Upped my testosterone to high levels and to normal levels and it made zero difference
Then stumbled across this no fap thing and it does resonate with my porn use
However I started and it’s been easy as have no libido to even watch porn anyway , I think I have been In a flat line before even starting no fap
It’s been 4 weeks and I gonna continue for 90 days but i feel  no different so far at all, I’m starting to feel like I’ll never get my libido back
What do you think?
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on December 07, 2019, 09:36:40 AM
Hi!  To any and all: please feel free to use this thread if you would like to respond to John1968's question that was posted directly before this entry on this thread. I don't feel very qualified to reply at the depth it deserves.

First, good job on the streak and glad to see that you are committed to the 90 days; maybe some of the answers will fall into place by then.  I have never really had the libido problem that you discussed.  My layman's opinion would be that it is multi-factoral, likely encompassing physical health, emotional aspects, socialization and relationship status, and even some world-view (religion, spiritual, etc) aspects thrown in for good measure.  Not my field, but I find it beyond highly unlikely that the libido will never return; you would be a candidate for the front page of the Daily Mail were that to occur. 

As I spend more time here, thinking through my own stuff and reading about others, I am getting more and more convinced that there is a huge
connection between the mental (by this I mean emotional well-being) and the physical.  I think the two form a self-reinforcing feed back loop, where the mental hits the physical and then the physical strikes the mental, and on and on it goes.   Which factor is the chicken and which factor is the egg I don't know, but, it also doesn't really matter-the dialectical interplay moves on, and it either intensifies or lessens.   

I also believe that relationship philosophy is huge. We have to think of the person we are with as valuable and deserving, and not just view them as "a warm place to put it."  I am not saying you did this, I am just thinking out loud here.  It is an easy thing to fall into this mindset at times.  For me, I'm trying to bolster my conception of the relationship with my wife as companionship (friendship). Sure, physical intimacy is a big part, but it isn't everything.  But, interestingly, and this is what i am getting more and more convinced of, when the companionship aspect kicks in and improves-surprise, surprise, surprise-the physical intimacy seems to miraculously and correspondingly improve as well. 

I guess the bottom line suggestion from me would be to take a "spiritual inventory" update in addition to working the physiological component; I think they go hand in hand.  I don't think focusing on physiological alone is sufficient.  The spiritual stuff is obviously very personal, but, whatever form you deploy, make sure it is the type that provides comfort and guidance, and answers "big topics" like how does one obtain significance and security in this world, and what is the essence of relationships.  If you already have this side of things concretized in your life, then good, and please disregard!

Ok, maybe this crazy Yank has said enough.   If no one responds you could consider posting this matter out on another forum in an effort to get wider readership and a more learned response.  At any rate, keep going to the 90 and then reassess from there; I bet things will be different at that stage.
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on December 12, 2019, 10:47:41 AM
Have had some good work days as of late-very thankful for that!  Can feel the holiday pace pick up a bit now. 

Keep going-it is worth it !

44 Day Clean
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on December 18, 2019, 10:36:39 AM
Slow and steady she goes, one challenge and day at a time. 

50 Day Clean
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: SietchTabr on December 18, 2019, 01:18:55 PM
Congratulations on 50 days. That's fantastic.
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: coachj on December 18, 2019, 01:44:03 PM
You get to enjoy the way, so keep on paying it!
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on December 28, 2019, 09:04:07 AM
Went to the movie Little Women the other day.  It deals with many of the issues that are contained in the journals on this site-meaningful conversations, real relationships, and even notions of love itself.  if you are looking for special effects, shoot em up, smash em up, take the hot chick to the rack type of movies you likely wont enjoy Little Women.  It is clean and wholesome, and I found it entertaining and engaging, and strongly recommend it.   

Sietch and coach, thanks for your comments and encouragement.

60 Day Clean
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on January 07, 2020, 02:06:53 AM
Had to reset after a slip on day 70.  No binge, and I know what I need to better guard against.  Moving forward again. 

1 Day clean.
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on January 16, 2020, 07:08:21 AM
Pretty good last 10 days or so of work and socializing a couple of times.  Cutting back on mindless on-line time, not just because of content avoidance but also because it seems to be a waste of time when it is all said and done.  Humble (re)beginnings!

10 Day Clean
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: Curly Bill on January 16, 2020, 08:42:29 AM
Love your journal, good job getting back on the horse.
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: joepanic on January 16, 2020, 10:06:09 AM
Nice going getting back in the race

       I totally understand the whole mindless surfing    Sheesh  what did we do before the internet for entertainment?  Its no wionder most of the planet is putting on extra weight

    Cheers

      Post often it helps me it helps you
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on January 21, 2020, 06:23:09 AM
Curly and Joe, thanks for the comments and encouragement-it is nice to know that we are traveling in a convoy and not on solo missions.  Looking forward to a challenging but clean week ahead!

15 Day Clean 
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: GottaReboot on January 21, 2020, 01:43:15 PM
Way to go Jixu. You got this!
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on January 26, 2020, 06:24:35 PM
Hi GR-Thanks!  I have been doing pretty decent lately and have been encouraged and gladdened by reading about your progress in your journal.  Let's keep going forward!

20 Day Clean   
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on January 31, 2020, 07:26:12 AM
Looking forward to shaking up the routine with a bit of upcoming travel this week.  Have a few things on my mind, including pursuing more silence and being more expressive with thankfulness to those around me whom I take for granted sometimes. 

25 Day Clean 
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: fastfreddy on January 31, 2020, 02:38:58 PM
As I get more time in on my sobriety, I seem to have more ability to go through the emotions that I tied up with my PA. I hadn't really done that before, other than a cursory nod to what was going on at the moment.

Thankfulness? Definitely a healthy choice. That's a really great topic for me to think through too.

Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: EmancipatedPrimate on February 02, 2020, 03:52:26 PM
great job on the reboot! thanks for posting!
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on February 10, 2020, 09:40:39 AM
Been on the road for a bit enjoying a change of scenery-ended up being kind of refreshing. 

FastFreddy, I'm sure we all have a lot to think through!

EmancipatedPrimate, thanks for your encouragement and I must commend you on having one of the coolest user names ever!

35 Day Clean
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on February 14, 2020, 03:59:50 PM
Last prior streak was 70 days, just lost a 39 day streak yesterday-did not handle work stress properly.  No binge, no excuses, just going onward again right away.  Focus is on today and tomorrow.

Keep at it!

1 Day Clean 
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: GottaReboot on February 18, 2020, 06:04:57 PM
As I've learned it happens to us all. I am following your thread and you're amazing. Keep up the fight.
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on February 19, 2020, 05:59:52 AM
Hi GR-thanks for the nice words and encouragement, and glad to see that you are moving strongly onwards! 

I have a bunch of upcoming events and activities and will need to stay focused and vigilant.  Clean is the only way to go!

5 Day Clean   
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on March 04, 2020, 12:59:24 PM
Nice weather coupled with a recent recovery from a nasty sore throat and cold allowed me to have a great run today.  It felt good to be out there again. 

Yesterday I viewed some p-subs.  Actually, it wasn't viewing, it was dwelling; it was done with full intentionality for the dopamine hit.  Although not "porn" as we would understand it, I am going to reset as it violates my goals and personal standard in that regard.  A quick glance is one thing; hovering over it is another! 

1 Day Clean         
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: BigMog on March 09, 2020, 06:47:47 AM
Hi Jixu,
Well done for being honest with yourself and keeping the bar at a constant level. It would be easy to be lenient but then your streak would not be a really clean streak.
Looks to me like you’re making good progress with good, long streaks and only minor slips without bingeing.
Keep trekking!
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on March 14, 2020, 08:50:40 PM
Had a good trip with some family members-hard to say how many chances like that will arise in the near future with all that is going on! 

BigMog, thanks for the encouragement-it is nice to be trekking with you!  Let's continue pushing for this area of improvement in our lives.

11 Day Clean   
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: joepanic on March 15, 2020, 08:19:24 AM
Nice going Jixu    we have all crashed  at one time or 3 or 4

    11 days is a good streak again   I had many of those  over the last 2 years  before finally kicking it   and I still dont think I have kicked it 100%   in that I still have fantasies  drift in and out  although they are becoming more far and few between  and never lead to anything else   I am currently at day 95 and will not post in success stories till I am 100% sure    I have not pmo'd once  view no p   have seen a few p subs  have not cmo(chat masturbate orgasm) once either  which was the biggest part of my problem  I have m 3 times so about once a month   Ive never felt better and my wife and I have had sex around once a week  since   The big take away is that we are becomming so much more organized in our home these days(I had to fight for that a little)  but it seems both of us are more happy as a result of it     I suggest keep truckin forward with the finish line in sight   it will be worth it in the end

     Cheers

    Post often it helps me it helps you
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on March 16, 2020, 09:27:17 AM
Thanks Joe!  I think it comes down to remembering that we have to keep moving forward, like you said.  Have to acknowledge the slips but also must continue to persevere, even in the face of some discouragement.   

I have been following your journal and am glad to see you have progressed so far-keep it going!

13 Day Clean   
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on March 25, 2020, 09:59:58 AM
Doing pretty decent, just hunkering down and wondering like everyone else how this is all going to play out.  Trying to find ways to treat the adjustments in a positive manner.  Keep going strong everybody!

20 Day Clean
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on March 28, 2020, 12:01:01 PM
Moving along and doing pretty decent, but I haven't had to change things as much as many people.  My employment and family life-at least for now-is reasonably similar as before, for which I am thankful to my Heavenly Father.  Exercise, eating, and sleeping are in proper balance I guess.  Trying to limit, at least somewhat, my internet time usage.

As noted by Joe Panic, the postings and traffic on the over 40 group has been slow as of late.  With most folks at home more now I would have thought there would have been increased action and communication.  Instead, it is otherwise.  Not sure for the reason for the slow down!

If you are struggling, if you are slipping up, if you are floundering and thrashing around in the dumpster-take heart; you don't have to stay in the mire any longer.  Make a new commitment today-right now, and begin to put in some clean time and start feeling good about yourself again.  If you are doing fine, drop a line of encouragement to the weary brethren and keep up the good work!

Take care!

23 Day Clean


   
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: joepanic on April 04, 2020, 07:53:55 AM
Good morning Jixu

     How goes your battle   Things are well on my end

   cheers

     POst often it helps me it helps you
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on April 04, 2020, 08:50:40 AM
Hi Joe!  I would wish you a great weekend but I guess all the days seem to have merged together lately and they can kind of seem to be the same! I am doing pretty job wise and no one in the family is going crazy yet.  I am maintaining good exercise and eating (mostly) properly and am reducing needless online time.  Thanks for the encouragement, and keep going on your great streak!

30 Day Clean
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on April 18, 2020, 01:23:10 PM
Work stress-my main trigger-is arising again.  Some of it is my own fault as I avoid doing the hard and nasty thing first in the morning and then, due to my procrastination, I get discouraged and do even less the next few hours.  I have been doing good, however, in correctly dealing with the stress.  Also, in the midst of everything I am glad to have employ, but I need to up the focus and intensity.  In a bit I am going to go on a run and try to leave some of the stuff behind for awhile.

Keep moving forward and don't quit!

45 Day Clean

   
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: GottaReboot on April 21, 2020, 05:16:09 PM
Great work on the 45 days Jixu. I hope to be there in a few weeks myself so far so good.
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: Rookie on April 21, 2020, 06:09:43 PM
Only 13 days behind you. Don't let my streak pass yours....
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on April 23, 2020, 06:31:39 PM
Thanks GR and Rookie; the way I see it, we are running together!  Let's stay on course and run the race to completion with honor!

BigMog, if you read this-hello!  Hope you are doing okay.

50 Day Clean   
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: BigMog on May 01, 2020, 04:14:02 PM
Hello Jixu!
I’m still here and OK, thanks for the hello. Glad to see you’ve reached the fifty day mark. I hope things are still going well.
I’m on day 30 myself. I had a good streak at the beginning of the year and then stumbled around for a while before getting back on track. I’m still following the program on the app I have and with generally trying to lead a healthier life in every way and regular mindfulness hope I’m gradually turning things around.
Yes, stress at work, especially if I feel I’m failing or have made a fool of myself can be a trigger. Keeping a balance and a perspective is so important. Usually I find the situation isn’t as bad as I thought or I eventually get over it and then it’s a shame if I’ve ruined a good streak for no good reason.
Anyway, best wishes to you. Keep up the good fight.
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: joepanic on May 02, 2020, 08:27:49 AM
Hey Jixu

   nice going on 50 days on April 23rd     Hope your still fighting  that will give you about 60 days or so  by now  Let us know how your making out  If you had to start over  were here with you

  cheers

   Post often it helps me it helps you
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on May 03, 2020, 07:59:27 AM
 
Joe, thanks, and I really think you hit on something key when you said, "if you had to start over we are here for you."  That is what the forum should be about, encouraging and advising people to keep going after a slip up.  The only failure is stopping the process.

BigMog, it is always nice to hear from you, and I'm glad you are doing good and trekking forward.  The balance and perspective you mentioned are important indeed; this is just one aspect of our lives.  Hope your work (and mine as well !) can be more manageable this Spring. 

Work has been better, and that is a big help to me.  Been working on being patient with others and trying to overlook minor offenses as I probably have many myself.  Lots of stress out there already, don't need to create anymore.   
   
60 Day Clean 
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: Leonidas on May 09, 2020, 05:49:05 PM

Joe, thanks, and I really think you hit on something key when you said, "if you had to start over we are here for you."  That is what the forum should be about, encouraging and advising people to keep going after a slip up.  The only failure is stopping the process.
I second this.  Long periods of silence may mean that one has either succeeded (and no longer need the forum's support) or it can mean one has given up on the goal of completing recovery.  In all this, it may seem (and not necessarily referring to this board) that there may be one-upmanship games running in the background.  Keeping tallies for the sake of being better than the next man.  Or keeping mum about slips because of the imagined fear of backlash: "Oh dear, how could you.. how dare you relapse! This is an outrage! Where is thy self-control?"  Failing only ever occurs when one gives up on a goal that was both feasible and inherently motivating.  Slips may suck but they are not without value... like cues telling us where to course-correct.
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: joepanic on May 09, 2020, 07:46:53 PM
Some interesting points  Leonidas  I keep a running tally of days more for my own referance  and have got to the point of not posting every day  just because I dont always want to repeat myself   If I see someone dissapear the thought sometimes does go to  did they relapse  but I dont consider relapse a failure  I like your  idea of them being cues to learn from to change course

  cheers

    Post often it helps me it helps you
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on May 10, 2020, 03:07:55 PM
As for the discussion of others posting or being absent, I guess some of it comes down to the fact that we are each on our own path, at least in some manner.  Hard to know what is going on with someone at any given time.  As for me, I just like to see when someone checks in, even if just once in awhile, and thereby confirming they are still in the battle.  It is like the idea of safety in numbers.  Of course, some may have good reasons for moving on, and there is a time when it may come for anyone of us. 

Doing good, and hoping that some of the vague unknown about the virus will subside a bit.  As many have commented on here, I believe exercise is a huge help to our physical and psychological system!  I had recently been unable to run for a couple of weeks and I have now been able to get it going again-it really helps boost the morale. 

Urges and attacks are really becoming increasingly quite infrequent. 

67 Day Clean   
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: joepanic on May 10, 2020, 06:52:40 PM
Nice going Jixu

       It seems there is enough guys these days even when they are not on here everyday(I too do not post every day) that there is always a post to read   The conversation is good  and always spomething to learn from it.  And that my friend is why this place is such a powerfull tool in our building of new lives.

     Yes the virus I think is starting to take its toll a little more.  I know our family is starting to feel the strain.  One huge tak away from it is it has really made me rethink my life to a degree.  I am learning so much more on healthy living as well as  everyday living.  How I use my time and resources.  I think I will come out of this experience a better person   Cant say much for my 2 teenaged daughters though  but hey  they are just teenagers

    Cheers  good luck this week

    Post often it helps me it helps you
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: mr.slurps on May 10, 2020, 07:22:56 PM
Hi Jix,  Good work!  keep going
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on May 14, 2020, 02:46:20 PM
Been hit with some nasty urges out of the blue maybe 3 out of the last 5 days. Today I almost fell into the p-sub trap, which would have doomed me.  Just goes to show that we always have to be vigilant and not take the smooth ride for granted.  A couple of days ago I totally changed my schedule and just got the heck out of dodge and bolted from the house even though it was in the middle of work! The most alarming thing is that I'm not really dealing with anything overly stressful right now-kind of hard to explain!  At any rate, I made it and will make it today as well. 

Joe, I hear you on the strain of having the young people in the home during this time.  They have been upended and have it tough now!  Keep encouraging them, this thing is going to clear.

Mr S, welcome to the journey and stay with it, even if you hit a few bumps along the way.  it is a battle, pure and simple.

71 Day Clean



     
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on May 18, 2020, 01:16:58 PM
Heading to the back of the line after a slip following a 70 day plus streak.  I strongly considered lying about it and just continuing on and pretend it didn't happen but I'll feel a lot better if I come clean.  I had been fighting urges for 3 or 4 days and finally succumbed after a "harmless" start in the wrong direction. No binge, at least that part didn't occur.  I still feel pretty good overall as the directional thrust is forward and the job, family life, and health are holding up pretty decently.  One of my recent deficiencies was neglecting my devotions (mostly reading and praying the Psalms) so I am going to pay more attention to that aspect. 

1 Day Clean 
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: Leonidas on May 19, 2020, 08:58:26 AM
Heading to the back of the line after a slip following a 70 day plus streak.  I strongly considered lying about it and just continuing on and pretend it didn't happen but I'll feel a lot better if I come clean.  I had been fighting urges for 3 or 4 days and finally succumbed after a "harmless" start in the wrong direction. No binge, at least that part didn't occur.  I still feel pretty good overall as the directional thrust is forward and the job, family life, and health are holding up pretty decently.  One of my recent deficiencies was neglecting my devotions (mostly reading and praying the Psalms) so I am going to pay more attention to that aspect. 

1 Day Clean 
Interesting take on figuring out reasons for the slip.  In my case, a dry spell in reading (I used to be quite dedicated until about 3 weeks ago) has landed me in strange currents.  Not necessarily more relapses, but it "feels" that way for some reason.  So if the activity you LIKE engaging in is ceased for whatever reason and causes anxiety, then try to answer why you've been less dedicated.  The answers could be as diverse as say: "I've been feeling lazy" to: "I've been wanting to try out this other thing but not sure how to go about it..."

Now as to how to react to the feeling you've identified: ask whether you need to change it.  We're trained to think that such negative feelings are somehow bad and must be eradicated at once.  Stay with them instead.  Let them simmer for a while, watch them evolve.  Most go away on their own but if they regularly revisit, then it's like someone hammering home a message one cannot ignore.  What is that persistent feeling trying to communicate to me?
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: Joel on May 19, 2020, 09:31:16 AM
Ice, thanks for the kind words, and Free, that is a good reminder about triggers.

WIP, I was very encouraged by your comment.  Thanks, and thanks as well for your steadfast support and encouragement to the Forum as a whole.

If any of you have recently stumbled, as I did recently, the only option is to get back on track again.  Stay in the battle, no matter what.

4 Day Clean

Inspiring attitude, Jixu

Cheers!
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on May 20, 2020, 06:48:02 AM
Hi Leonidas!  Hope you are able to get back on track with your reading!  Reading is one of the best pleasures in life, that is for sure.  As for me, as to why I let a beneficial activity (devotions) decline, some of it is due to laziness and procrastination I'm sure.  Yet, a major reason is also related to the simple fact that prayer (at least for me) is difficult: you need a reasonably quiet setting (or at least a distraction reduced place) and, more importantly, and even more of a challenge, you need to quiet the heart (soul).  Silence is an enemy of modern man, or, is it, man is an enemy of silence?  Probably both are true I guess.  Anyway, today my reading is around Psalm 46, one of my favorites.

Joel, thanks for reminding me of my reminder!   

3 Day Clean     
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: joepanic on May 20, 2020, 08:16:35 PM
Hey Jixu

    good to see your back on the train  look at where things went wrong  and see if there is anything you can take away  so you can be prepared for next time

    Cheers

    Post often it helps me it helps you
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on May 27, 2020, 08:55:30 AM
Had a short slip following my slip. 

2 Day Clean
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: Joel on May 27, 2020, 09:32:20 AM
Totally been there. Really hard to get back on the train after a streak is broken. But the best time the plant a tree is 20 years ago, the 2nd best time is now; let's build on this streak!
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on May 28, 2020, 05:26:30 AM
Joel-thanks, I like the way you put that!  It is useful for other areas of our lives as well. 

3 Day Clean
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on June 04, 2020, 01:30:48 PM
Not much to report-I guess that is good!  Some difficulties on keeping focused with all the events going on but reasonably pleased with the efforts so far.   Keep going and best wishes to all.

10 Day Clean
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: Chris Oz on June 10, 2020, 06:52:33 AM
I wish you well jixu. Keep fighting hard.
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on June 10, 2020, 04:58:13 PM
Thanks for the support Chris!  Glad to read of your own great progress!  Things are moving along nicely, and even work has been decent lately!

16 Day Clean
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: workinprogressUK on June 11, 2020, 04:05:14 AM
Have a good 'un, jixu. Stay strong!
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: Joel on June 11, 2020, 07:05:53 AM
Streak's looking good, jixu. great work!
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on June 11, 2020, 10:58:14 AM
Thanks for the encouragement WIP and Joel !  Another good day of staying busy at work and staying away from unnecessary and wasteful internet surfing.  Seeing some positive developments concerning more places opening up and more people out and about.  Hopefully it lifts the societal spirits.  Stay in the battle! 

17 Day Clean   
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: mr.slurps on June 13, 2020, 05:01:22 PM
Hiya Jix,  I was reading your journal, when you were at #4 after relapse. That is where I'm at but w/out the impressive streak you had. Plus I had a lengthy binge afterwards.
It helped me to see how you kept a positive attitude.
I'm trying to man-up now and do the hard work. For me porn doesn't exist in an island.
I must explore the reasons I "need" it- deep down.
I'm not going to let myself get away w/: oh it was just dopamine, hornyness, loneliness, boredom....
What I'm figuring out is that I have a whopping ego (not enough humility) and that on some level I'm attracted to delusion. (That sounds weird.)
Anyhow, I'm trying to emulate you and keep connected to the forum despite my tendency to self-isolate like a spoiled brat that didn't get his way.
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on June 14, 2020, 06:46:48 AM
Hi Mr S-thanks for the comment and encouraging words.  I like the way you described this as hard work-indeed it is.  The problem for us is, no one likes hard work, we always look for the path of least resistance, the quick and easy (but ultimately deceptive) fix. Strongly concur with your assessment of the dangers of self-isolation and the need to keep going in a positive direction!

20 Day Clean       
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: mr.slurps on June 14, 2020, 01:43:46 PM
Hi Jix,  You got 20 days! Man 'o man! I'd hate to face you in the ring. I'll stay in your corner though.
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: Joel on June 16, 2020, 11:24:22 AM
Well done on the milestone, man. Onward!
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: ShadeTrenicin on June 18, 2020, 12:43:37 PM
Hey Jixu, congrats on the 20 days. Well done
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on June 19, 2020, 06:16:01 AM
Have a great clean weekend everybody!  Mr. S, Joel, and Shade, thanks for the support and keep up the good work and stay vigilant.   

25 Day Clean 
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: ShadeTrenicin on June 21, 2020, 05:05:58 AM
Wow, 25 days!!! Great job man!! Keep safe and keep us updated!

I am rooting for you!
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: mr.slurps on June 21, 2020, 03:42:06 PM
Hi Jix,  Good job.  25 is a big one!
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on June 26, 2020, 11:22:41 AM
Once again I was going to not come clean on my not being clean!  I slipped up, and this one was after about 32 days, as opposed to the last two being maybe 60-70 days each.  I don't want to be satisfied with the once every other month type of indulger but I will keep it in perspective for now and make a couple of changes that I have been purposely avoiding.  Work stress and mindless net surfing did a tag team match on me and delivered the fatal shot. I even saw it coming but stood there like an idiot and took the hammering.

1 Day Clean           
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on July 16, 2020, 09:41:49 AM
Having nice solid days during the onset of this restart.  Moving forward one day at a time!

21 Day Clean 
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: workinprogressUK on July 16, 2020, 10:34:44 AM
I even saw it coming but stood there like an idiot and took the hammering.

Well.... I'm sure lots of us can identify with that. So obvious but so easy for it to happen. Damn frustrating though! You've got things pretty well balanced though, haven't you? No drama. Congrats on moving through it.
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: Joel on July 16, 2020, 12:48:00 PM
Nice work, brother!
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: mr.slurps on July 16, 2020, 01:33:34 PM
Hiya Jix,  It's good to see how you "confess".  What I did last relapse was just disappear and wait for my shame/disappointment to subside. That's not good.
I'm going to try your way and not put my tail between my legs.
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: Leonidas on July 16, 2020, 04:31:04 PM
Once again I was going to not come clean on my not being clean!  I slipped up, and this one was after about 32 days, as opposed to the last two being maybe 60-70 days each.  I don't want to be satisfied with the once every other month type of indulger but I will keep it in perspective for now and make a couple of changes that I have been purposely avoiding.  Work stress and mindless net surfing did a tag team match on me and delivered the fatal shot. I even saw it coming but stood there like an idiot and took the hammering.       
Several years ago, a man once showed up to his session and told his shrink about this residual porn problem he felt was bothersome.  It wasn't a full-blown addiction.  He used porn once every other week or so, but still felt something was wrong; a rate of once a year or NEVER would be best.  Without blinking, the shrink asked him why he felt bad.  Then followed it up with how he felt it was different from real sex -- was it the length of time, the frequency, the nature of the act, etc?  The exact details of the conversation that transpired are not that relevant.  What was most surprising was the therapist's seemingly complete indifference with regard to the client's use of porn.  In fact, the therapist was surprised of his client's shame for using porn.  In case you were wondering, yes I was that client...

I too, like you, do not want to be satisfied with a once-a-whatever-number-of-days porn habit.  But notice: we care a lot more about this problem than do most people, and this includes highly trained therapists.  So the take-home for me was that porn IS a problem when we make it one.  When we don't care to frame it as 'a problem', it does not feel like a soul-crushing issue anymore.  Then it becomes a matter of coaxing the habit to wither away.  Of course, it's another thing altogether when porn use is so frequent it causes havoc in one's life...
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on July 17, 2020, 07:43:10 AM
Thanks for the comments gents! 

WIP, I do think I have maintained reasonable balance and I believe that is important.  Thanks for the encouragement about moving through it!  Nice job on your 60 plus days. 

Joel, thanks as well.  I have been following your journal and wish you continued success. 

Mr. S, the main thing is that you are still fighting it-that says a lot about your determination and commitment.

Leonidas-I think your post highlights the concepts of perspective and proportionality, and further indicates that a lot of this journey is unique to each person's background and motivation.  Moreover, some of this comes down to the definition of "a problem."  Cleary the base analysis should pertain to porn's impact and problem development in the areas of social functioning and employment.  My view, however, would also include problem as encompassing the fact that I don't want to be part of the industry, even in a peripheral manner; porn is destructive.  Also, even having a basic grasp of the neuroscience behind internet porn should be enough to send a shiver down the spine of any sentient person-we are playing with cognitive fire.  I think that, under the right circumstances (particularly when considering our propensity for self-delusion and self-deception), escalation could happen to any of us if not properly managed.  I also believe that porn viewing is a spiritual deriment and can essentially wage war against one's own soul (many will roll the eyes and scoff at that but it is my belief).  Thus, for all these reasons, I am aiming to completely coax the thing into terminal witherment!  Thanks again for you response and insights into your own journey!   

22 Day Clean   



     


   
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: Leonidas on July 20, 2020, 01:56:15 PM
Hey Jixu, I agree with everything you mentioned above, including the part about porn waging war against the soul... I've heard much more implacable statements likening porn to "the work of the Devil" or to allowing "diabolical expression" (from a Christian's faith perspective).  Although not a follower of the faith myself, I do believe in the inherent harm it can impact on the soul.  Obviously, there is a reason we all decided to show up to this board: we perceived that the habit we were engaging in was causing conflict and suffering.

That said, there is also a danger in turning our journeys into crusades against 'Evil'.  Humans are complicated, complex and contradictory creatures... so oftentimes when we become over-committed to a cause, it becomes tempting - after a while - to desire the forbidden.  And thus the relapsing.  What I said earlier about the shrink's indifference towards porn was just to me the perfect example of what it takes to become free of a problem: to become indifferent!  It does not mean that porn is right; porn is mostly harmful full stop.  But seeing it as an enemy will tend to backfire... (if that makes any sense).  What do you think?  Btw, I still have some way to go before I become 'indifferent' to it..  ::)
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on July 20, 2020, 07:30:38 PM
Had a rare but most welcomed victory at work which has resulted in a significant reduction in work requirements (or at least work stress) for a couple of months or so.  It kind of came out of the blue so it was even more appreciated!

Leonidas, I do think we can get over-committed to a cause, as you put it, in that we can at times over-emphasize one area and lose focus of other areas that need work as well.  That is why I view the battle as one element of self-improvement, and also try to add other things like exercise, trying to help others, and intellectual development (like reading, as you have noted in your journal).  That way, some sense of balance and proportionality can be maintained.  On the other hand, it does seem to be true that relapsing can have a greater deleterious impact on other areas far in excess of, for example, failure to exercise for 3 or 4 days.  Take care!     

25 Day Clean     
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: TheNorman on July 21, 2020, 09:22:38 AM
Congrats on the unexpected work surprise Jixu! Stress is a big trigger for a lot of us here so hopefully that helps you keep building on that streak even more!
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on July 27, 2020, 07:47:47 AM
Went to a sporting goods store over the weekend while on the hunt for some edible treats and a little break from the routine.  A guy at the store told me that they were having a hard time keeping bikes, kayaks, fishing equipment, and golf starter sets in stock.  Maybe a silver lining to the covid 19 stuff-was glad to hear it. Nothing better than doing healthy stuff outdoors.

Thanks for the comment TheNorman, and I was glad to hear of your successful project at work the other day. Still feeling the heat at my job but I am dealing with it correctly. 

32 Day Clean           
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: Rex on July 31, 2020, 09:10:17 AM
Went to a sporting goods store over the weekend while on the hunt for some edible treats and a little break from the routine.  A guy at the store told me that they were having a hard time keeping bikes, kayaks, fishing equipment, and golf starter sets in stock.  Maybe a silver lining to the covid 19 stuff-was glad to hear it. Nothing better than doing healthy stuff outdoors.

Thanks for the comment TheNorman, and I was glad to hear of your successful project at work the other day. Still feeling the heat at my job but I am dealing with it correctly. 

32 Day Clean         

Jixu,

Great work, staying clean!  Be careful when when fishing or spending time in the outdoors especially in deep grass and brush in the woods.  I suffer from bad case of long term Lyme disease and a bunch of co-infections which I got from tick bites in the woods.  I used to love hiking and fishing.  I never paid any attention to bugs crawling over me or biting me.  I was always more concerned with staying away from the water moccasins, copperheads, and other poisonous snakes and never worried about the ticks.  Keep up the hard work, you are doing great!
 
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on August 07, 2020, 08:13:29 AM
Rats-slipped up on day 43!!  My mind was wandering into dangerous territory a couple days prior and I didnt redirect the cognitive traffic properly. My last two were 30 days plus so I need to be more vigilant after hitting 30 days.  Don't like coming on here and fessing up but I feel a lot better afterwards!  I will also use Psalm 51 for some personal soul cleansing.  I am doing pretty decent in overall life stuff and am getting back into the battle now and focusing on today and tomorrow!  Take care and keep going!

Rex, your warning about outdoor hazards is duly noted-hope you keep getting your strength back!

1 Day Clean   
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: Leonidas on August 07, 2020, 09:04:32 AM
Not many people like coming here to 'fess up as you say.  Tied to that nasty little thing, what do they call it... the ego?  :D  Anyway, I find it exemplar to a T that you are able to carry yourself forward rain or shine.   Shows how much you radiate from within.

Remember the duality that operates in our minds.  Can you also recognize what were some of the feelings that led to the P escape?  And crucially, what needs were they trying to address?  Speaking for myself, I often find that immersing myself in fantasy (which mostly ends up in relapsing) is trying to fulfill a need for companionship not present in my life right now.  I haven't managed to end the behaviors yet, but looking at them straight in the eye is a start.

I don't see duality as a good/evil dynamic.  I see the 'evil' side as a poorly learned mechanism some of us use to try to be happier.. With respect, I know the Bible insists on the duality.  But along with God's forgiveness for 'sins', why not extend compassion towards self?  After all, it's a side of you that is suffering and in want of listening to.

I imagine inviting my 'relapse-self' out for a cup of coffee and engaging in a simple conversation with him.  How would it unfold?  Could I momentarily resist the urge to reject him outright... and just listen?
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on August 09, 2020, 09:29:47 AM
Today is already off to a good start.  Went on a nice jog with my wife that resulted in both good exercise and great conversation.  Will have a special lunch, nap, stream a sermon, mow the lawn, and then enjoy some time tonight reading some Russian Literature.  Reading the great Russian literary works is my form of a self-help book I guess! 

Leonidas, thanks for your comments and encouragement.  You are right on about fantasy, and it is good to ponder and reflect on it as you stated.   It is also for me a sure-fire road to relapse.

3 Day Clean     
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: Georgos on August 16, 2020, 04:04:54 AM
Hi Jixu, I know I have to be responsible writing on other people's journals or the MODs will take my comments down, but then that is there job, so hopefully I won't give them anymore work here ;)

Your name sounds sort of Cantonese, not exactly sure why you chose it, but I am assuming you have a China connection.

I used to train at the Shaolin Temple for real after an British born Irish friend of mine started going there. I only really did t'ai ji, as I'm not Buddhist and don't like work which is the primary function of Gong Fu. However I think Gong Fu is a great discipline for giving up P.

The Abbott had a kid with his then receptionist, I don't know how old the kid is now, whether he goes to school or has started university, I hope he wasn't condemned to the temple for life, I still think Shaolin is a bit barbaric personally. At any rate, I just watched a video with the Abbott and it looked like a lot of TRIADS have descended on the temple since the birth of his child for training. I don't envy that job, teaching violent criminals morals and religion whilst at the same time trying to spread the message of peace.

If any of this strikes a chord with you then let me know, I have been following your progress intensely and wish you the best of luck with your struggles.

Feel free to PM me if you would like to find out more.

Thank you.
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: Joel on August 16, 2020, 04:37:05 AM
Good stuff, Jixu. Yes - I read an article recently about how great literature is great for sound emotional development! And it's awesome to stay inspired. Have a great day
J
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on August 16, 2020, 05:50:04 PM
Hi Georgos-that would be amazing to receive Tai Qi training at Shaolin Temple.  Take care and best wishes.

Joel, I am trying to do something like what you are doing and am following your good example and am implementing web time reduction and switching to better stuff like reading some good literature.   I have been into mostly non-fiction for a bit and am attempting some novels for a change of pace.  thanks for the encouragement!

10 Day Clean   
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on August 22, 2020, 07:23:32 AM
Got hit by a couple of stressors in the personal life that arose from unexpected quarters.  I guess you never know what a day may bring forth.  Thoughts of the "one click away quick release solution" raced through my head on several occasions but I was able to stay strong, chiefly due to going off line and going outdoors-those are good escape mechanisms.

One of the stressors centred on a dumb disagreement on a non-essential topic; it got prolonged and more heated than necessary and drained an already limited supply of emotional energy.  It reminded me of a line from the Book of Proverbs that goes something like this:  Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.   

It also reminded me of something else.  There is an old philosophical conundrum tossed about by people like Freshman college students that is something like this:  If a tree falls in the forest, but no one hears it, did it really make a sound?  But there is one for married folks also:  If a husband is walking in the forest, and he says something, but no one hears it-is he still wrong?

15 Day Clean

 
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: Chris Oz on August 22, 2020, 04:01:35 PM
Stay strong jixu
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on August 28, 2020, 07:30:01 AM
Placed myself in a situation that had more Red Flags than a Kremlin May Day parade and I succumbed.   Going to bounce back today as I am off work and have an outing to the great outdoors with my wife for some fresh air, conversation, treats, and viewing of God's wonderful creation.  Have a clean day!

1 Day Clean
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: workinprogressUK on August 28, 2020, 07:44:42 AM
If a husband is walking in the forest, and he says something, but no one hears it-is he still wrong?

If you work on the assumption that you are wrong, jixu, you probably won't suffer many disappointing surprises.
Sorry to read about your Kremlin incident. Can't do better than get out in the great outdoors, soak up the energy, and focus on being clean today. Take care and good luck!
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on August 31, 2020, 08:43:24 AM
Thanks WIP!  Feel recharged after a nice weekend outdoors.  I think it is clear that cutting non-essential online time is something I need to continue pursuing.   So many other things out there!

4 Day Clean   
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: Leonidas on August 31, 2020, 03:40:11 PM
Placed myself in a situation that had more Red Flags than a Kremlin May Day parade
I love metaphors!  I cannot resist the temptation to follow this up with: "more Red Flags than an expert-level Minesweeper challenge"?  Of course, nowhere near as good as the original...
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on August 31, 2020, 04:05:30 PM
Hi Leonidas-your Minesweeper reference is a good one also!

Even though we are engaged in serious business here, not everything all the time has to be heavy, deep, and profound.  Sometimes we have to just acknowledge and laugh at our stupidities, foibles, and frailties.  Take care and keep at it!   
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: LetItGoAlready on September 06, 2020, 05:48:27 PM
Hi Jixu,

Quote
One of the stressors centred on a dumb disagreement on a non-essential topic; it got prolonged and more heated than necessary and drained an already limited supply of emotional energy.  It reminded me of a line from the Book of Proverbs that goes something like this:  Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.

It was good on your part to recognize the disagreement as a stressor and trigger for you, and more importantly, to do something about it. I can't think of a better way to disengage from the stresses of life than to spend some quality time outdoors. Glad to hear the experience left you feeling recharged and gave you some perspective on how you've been spending your time.

Also, I'd like to add one more thought:

Quote
more Red Flags than a Kremlin May Day parade
more Red Flags than an expert-level Minesweeper challenge

More red flags than the bull run in Pamplona?

 I'm sorry. I couldn't help myself. Full credit to your original, which was awesome by the way!
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on September 07, 2020, 06:00:47 PM
Been doing good on limiting recreational web surfing time- I still like to look stuff up and follow certain stories and events but such usage has been greatly reduced.  Had some recent good walks and hikes and doses of forest therapy, thereby benefiting both lungs and soul.

Hi LIGA-the running of the bulls at Pamplona!  A worthy addition indeed to the Red Flag pantheon-thanks!

11 Day Clean
 
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: Joel on September 10, 2020, 06:02:46 AM
Sounds good, jixu. Web detox is definitely a good habit that feeds recovery nicely!
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on September 11, 2020, 06:44:00 AM
Thanks Joel-I am making good progress on reducing recreational web time and have all types of reading materials readily at hand as good substitutes.  I really like what you said on your journal about taking a peek is like taking a dose of kryptonite-that is how it all starts, the little doses, the little peeks, the little start down the wrong path.

15 Day Clean
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on September 16, 2020, 10:44:55 AM
Been doing good recently at keeping suggestive pictures and (more importantly) suggestive thoughts out of the mental fireplace, thus denying the insatiable flames further combustible material.  Yes, embers and coals remain, yet they can do nothing but drift into extinguishment in the absence of additional fuel.  Take every thought captive, and don't let them grow and fester!  Stay in the battle, it is worth it.

20 Day Clean     
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: UKGuy on September 16, 2020, 03:14:28 PM
Well done Jixu - if you don't take the first sip, it's impossible to get drunk! happy 3 weeks tomorrow!!
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: mr.slurps on September 22, 2020, 01:35:06 AM
Hi Jix,  You're one of the best guys I've "met" here. You hit the nail on the head re some non-serious banter. For me the connection w/ you and others can't be fostered w/out some teasing and cynicism. Usually I like to make UK the butt but but but... hahaha
I'm hoping your streak keeps going pal.
Many moons ago I went on a tear w/ literature crossing them off my list:  English, Russian, U.S., existential, mythological, religious... man, I hit every genre. It still reminds me how great heroes/characters faced the same challenges we do. And they flopped a lot. Did you know that Ghandi had issues w/ sex/abstinence/marriage? Check out his autobiography. He was making vows with himself re sex and many of us can relate.
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on September 22, 2020, 06:45:18 AM
Hi UKGuy-that is a good way to put it; it all begins with a sip, a small step away from the mark.  Sometimes we can catch it, but it isn't worth the risk!

Hello Mr. Slurps! I also like biographies.  If there is one thing I have learned, it is that if you drill down deep enough into a man's life something bad will be discovered sooner or later!  But, like you said, it seems in the end we all face the same challenges.  Keep up the good work!

26 Day Clean
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: LetItGoAlready on September 22, 2020, 10:17:54 PM
Jixu-I took a brief hiatus from journaling, but was pleased to see on my return that you've made it to 26 days clean. That's huge, man. Keep it up. You're doing great!
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on September 24, 2020, 06:07:31 AM
I recently came across an interesting item in our group health care provider's newsletter.  It seems like common sense but it is a good reminder of one of the tools to deal with some of life's struggles.  It pertained to the basic idea of just getting outside. Leonidas had been discussing it recently.
Anyway, It went like this:

"When you’re feeling stressed or dwelling on negative thoughts, head for the hills [go outside]. Levels of cortisol, a hormone associated with stress, drop by more than 20% after people spend 20 to 30 minutes in nature. Research also shows that walking in nature can help ease symptoms of depression and anxiety — and cultivate peace of mind."

Pretty simple stuff, but it is pretty cool to see the little neuroscience blurb embedded in the quote.  Hard to see any downside to getting outside.  Maybe nature helps us see how small we are in the big scheme of things.

LetItGo, thanks for the encouragement and keep up your good restart!

28 Day Clean   

   
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: workinprogressUK on September 24, 2020, 09:34:08 AM
Congrats on your 28 days!
Couldn't agree more about the mental health benefits of being outside. I never fail to find something that lifts my mood when I'm outdoors.
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on September 24, 2020, 06:47:20 PM
Thanks WIP-believe me, I was living through you vicariously during your great recent beach trips!  I love the forests and hills but the beach is my favorite; however, I can only get there about twice a year.  Love those therapeutic waters! 
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: Chris Oz on September 28, 2020, 07:55:29 AM
Good one on 28days jixiu
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: Joel on September 28, 2020, 11:21:44 AM
Well done on the awesome streak, man.

Hard to see any downside to getting outside.  Maybe nature helps us see how small we are in the big scheme of things.
 

   

It's getting cold and dark where I live; so this is a good reminder. I gotta wrap up and get out there. Yesterday I was home alone most of the day. All I did was one short walk around the block.
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: Leonidas on September 28, 2020, 04:51:28 PM
I can only concur with the arguments presented by the scientists.  We need Nature and Nature needs us.

For those in doubt or on the fence about this I would suggest this: decide to devote an entire morning or afternoon off from work.  Head out into a nature path somewhere in or out of the city.  Some cities, granted, are better organized than others, but still... if one takes the time to figure this out, one can find something.  A great big park, a small hill or mountain, a riverside path or a beach, a botanical garden, any trail that has abundant greenery and is free from any cars.  Take the time you need, but if all you have is one hour then I promise you will reap plenty of rewards, enough time to enjoy the surroundings, the cleaner air, the adventure of setting out and getting a fresh new perspective:

Maybe nature helps us see how small we are in the big scheme of things.
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: LetItGoAlready on September 30, 2020, 12:06:35 AM
Jixu - Nature seems to suit you, my friend. If that's your ticket out of this stifling "faptropolis" (I'm pretty proud of that one), by all means, get out and enjoy the great outdoors. You're doing great!
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on September 30, 2020, 05:05:34 AM
Doing good at making sure the unwelcome and inevitable intrusive thoughts that arrive don't linger long enough to become urges.  The last few days I have been shaking off a cold but rest and some nice home-made soups have revived me! Hope that is my only brush with respiratory ailments for the foreseeable future.

Thanks guys for your encouragement and comments about nature.  I am going outside now to scan the heavens and constellations and see if I can spot that harbinger of autumn, Orion.   

34 Day Clean 
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: Chris Oz on October 09, 2020, 04:03:28 PM
Yeah, I think it's a really nice thing to do, observing the heavens. Noticing nature is really good for the mind. Most humans forget to.
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on October 15, 2020, 08:18:54 AM
  "You can always count on the Americans to do the right thing - after they have tried everything else."   Winston Churchill

Is Mr. Churchill's comment a criticism or a praise?  It is probably both I think, and I find it useful for the business at hand.

It means to me that we have to keep at it and make some adjustments along the way.  Some things might work for one person but not for another.  Also, it seems like we have to take assessments of what we are doing.  For me, I have had to cut recreational web time down; I also added an extra exercise routine that is only a few minutes but is quite helpful.  Maybe it might mean giving up the "must see" series with provocative scenes that "everybody" is talking about.  Maybe it involves something simple like turning this way at work (and thereby giving up the chance to see the new hot chick in cube number 7) instead of turning that way.  At any rate, keep going and be on the lookout for things that could be modified in a beneficial way. Maybe it isn't even some huge big drastic change but something very simple. 

I am at day forty-nine but in the spirit of "rounding up" and motivation for tomorrow I'll call it fifty.  Take care all and have a clean day!

50 Day Clean

 
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: LetItGoAlready on October 17, 2020, 04:17:40 PM
Great job on "doing the right thing" and making the necessary adjustments to your life. Also, congrats on 50+ days clean. You're really making some great progress here, Jixu!
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on October 18, 2020, 06:19:55 PM
Hi LIGA-thanks for the encouragement.  Let's have a great week!
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: ToomuchisToomuch on October 18, 2020, 06:32:15 PM
Really amazing milestone you hit Jixu.  Keep it rolling.  Nature is a really great way to get some new thoughts processing in your brain, and I comment you for finding that as a solution to investing time in the alternative negative options. 

I am pulling for you buddy! 
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on October 18, 2020, 06:56:22 PM
Thanks TooMuch.  Hope you can find some great nature places as well!  Keep up the good fight!
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: Joel on October 19, 2020, 12:35:39 PM
cut recreational web time down; I also added an extra exercise routine that is only a few minutes but is quite helpful.  Maybe it might mean giving up the "must see" series with provocative scenes that "everybody" is talking about.  Maybe it involves something simple like turning this way at work (and thereby giving up the chance to see the new hot chick in cube number 7) instead of turning that way.  At any rate, keep going and be on the lookout for things that could be modified in a beneficial way. Maybe it isn't even some huge big drastic change but something very simple. 


 

Well done on the milestone, mate. And yes, keep tweaking that system and making progress - that's the answer!
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on October 19, 2020, 01:41:37 PM
Thanks Joel-I have been inspired by your own efforts at web detox! 
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on October 29, 2020, 06:39:59 AM
The days were moving by pretty uneventfully until about a week ago when a series of relentless urges and triggers engulfed me.  I fought them off for a few days but finally resorted to self-deception and then a couple of days later gave in.  This streak was 62 days and I'm just going to keep going and feel good about the good days and learn what I can from it!  No binge and back to the battle.

1 Day Clean   
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: Chris Oz on October 29, 2020, 06:55:51 AM
You did good Jixui, you can do it again.
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on October 30, 2020, 05:22:59 AM
Sure is quiet out here on the western front-hope everyone stays engaged and does not grow weary!

Thanks Chris-keep pushing brother!

2 Day clean   
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: LetItGoAlready on October 30, 2020, 09:53:03 AM
Jixu-It has been kind of quiet lately, I agree. On my own front, I have been fighting a losing battle against time. The demands of work coupled with the shorter, darker, colder days of autumn has taken a toll on my motivation to check in as often as I used to, but I need to change that.

You've got the right attitude about this. Keep plugging away and don't let this latest setback shake you. You have shown before that you can go the distance against this lying cheating scumbag bitch of a habit, and you will do so again. Full confidence in you, friend.
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on October 30, 2020, 10:54:00 AM
Thanks for the encouragement Let It Go.  My own view is that anyone who is here, no matter what their streak or no streak is, is way ahead of the game.  Sometimes it starts small, and starts today!    Fall can be hard, but I kind of like the new crispness, cradling a warm beverage and dreaming of the aroma of burning leaves (when I was a kid you could burn them at home in your yard, no one cared!)
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: LetItGoAlready on November 01, 2020, 01:29:54 PM
Quote
My own view is that anyone who is here, no matter what their streak or no streak is, is way ahead of the game.  Sometimes it starts small, and starts today!

Agreed. It's not easy taking that crucial first step of admitting weakness and reaching out for help. Beyond that, it's our commitment to personal growth and fostering growth in others that puts us ahead of the game, not just our days clean. Well done moving forward with a solid growth mindset, Jixu. You're doing great!
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on November 03, 2020, 06:16:28 PM
Violated my rules against recreational web surfing and got burned.  I have been doing pretty good recently at reducing web time so I'm staying positive and driving on.  If you want to stay out of harm, stay out of harm's way!

1 Day Clean 
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on November 13, 2020, 07:02:33 AM
Struggling a bit to get up and running again but feel good about staying committed.   

2 Day Clean
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: Joel on November 13, 2020, 12:18:56 PM
Good work getting back in the saddle, jixu. I feel that something new helps me kick off a new streak - whether it's a new resource, habit or system - e.g. buying a new, highly praised self-help book and working through the exercises. See you tomorrow!
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on November 15, 2020, 08:36:18 AM
Thanks Joel.  I like your idea of a "new" input and have added a new book into my line-up for a fresh perspective on the battle.  Best wishes to you as well. 

4 Day Clean
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: ShadeTrenicin on November 18, 2020, 04:12:37 AM
Hey Jixu,

What exactly happened with the recreational web surfing? Also, what was different these past two weeks in comparison to your previous 62 days streak? Nevertheless I am glad to see that you are back on the horse again.

Stay safe and stay strong!

Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on November 18, 2020, 06:00:14 AM
Hi Shade!  As for recreational web time, mostly I just let my guard down and got careless about following my own guidelines.  At the same time I can see that I was being a little less than "thorough" with my accountability partner-a huge component in my effort.  Glad to be going better now.  Take care!

7 Day Clean
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on November 21, 2020, 04:18:53 PM
Pretty good day consisting of getting outside to a nature trail and meeting up with some friends.  Getting ready to grill a cheap steak and then enjoy some pleasure reading.  Keep at it everyone!

10 Day Clean
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: Phineas 808 on November 21, 2020, 11:24:19 PM
Awesome! Sounds like a recipe for healthy dopamine!

Hope you enjoyed!
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on November 23, 2020, 07:39:04 AM
Coming on here now as an extra level of vigilance as I'm starting to get hit with some work stress again.  I can also detect something like a general weariness to keep up the battle-myself included.  The only solution is to keep going and work on being clean today.

Thx Phineas.

12 Day Clean 
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: Phineas 808 on November 23, 2020, 12:22:58 PM
Awesome job, brother! One day at a time... You did it yesterday, you can do it today.