Reboot Nation

Journals => Ages 40 and up => Topic started by: jixu on March 24, 2019, 04:23:19 PM

Title: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on March 24, 2019, 04:23:19 PM
 
   Two weeks or so into the forum now-came here by the "must read" Your Brain on Porn.

    50 years plus old, never a daily user but more of the sporadic use while looking for relief from work stress.  Although I never did web cams, escorts, strip clubs etc the plain old vanilla stuff was more than sufficient to push me into discouragement, shame, and defeat. 

    At first I just focused on stress reduction, but, in this life, that is a losing battle.  Stress is going to come no matter what we do; the key is properly handling the stress.  We all know one way that doesn't work, the reason we are here.  I have recently seen the great power that encouragement can bring, and that is why this forum is so helpful to us.

    As a practical matter, I have found having an accountability partner to be a big help.  it doesn't have to be some 2 hour meet-up at Denny's; just a simple weekly report or staying in touch is helpful.  However, beware-I have previously lied to my AP, and it is no guarantee to help you if you don't use honesty and commitment. 

    No more heading to the cheating side of town.  You can't hide your Lyin' Eyes.

     Best wishes to all the fighters and warriors out there.  If you have recently stumbled, get back up.  if you are doing strong and great-keep on keeping on. It is an honor to be in your midst.   
     

Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on April 07, 2019, 07:30:27 AM
Day 25 clean

Was able to handle a couple of bad stress days from work.  This battle is so worth it in so many ways.  Stay strong everybody!

If you have recently stumbled, get back up today-now!   
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: BigMog on April 07, 2019, 10:20:02 AM
Good work Jixu. Being able to cope with with those stressful days in other ways than PMO is a good victory. Keep at it!
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on April 07, 2019, 06:21:36 PM
BigMog, you are so right about stress!  Thanks for the encouragement !
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: workinprogressUK on April 08, 2019, 03:56:23 AM
25 days and counting. That's great progress. Reads like you have your foundations set up really well. Good luck and stay strong. You can do it.
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: Pete McVries on April 10, 2019, 09:56:00 AM
25 days is huge but it will even get better. Stick to the game plan and keep racking up those days!
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: cranm329 on April 10, 2019, 02:44:41 PM
Well done going 25 days
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on April 10, 2019, 06:08:48 PM
Thanks for the encouragement WIP, Pete, and Cranm.  Keep going strong you guys!   
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on April 17, 2019, 07:17:51 AM

Day 35 clean

Doing pretty decent most of the time but am battling an old enemy of mine-procrastination.  I am good at tackling the big stuff but tend to let a bunch of little things pile up and then I can get discouraged by it.  Need to hit the ground running in the morning instead of dallying around.  In other words, some of the personal and employment stress I encounter is self-induced!  How dumb is that ? Anyway, the over-all fight is progressing ok and the battle is worth it !       
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: Pete McVries on April 21, 2019, 07:05:42 AM
Nice to hear, you're staying strong. Remember, don't try to tackle all problems at once. Small steps and build from there! Take care!
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on May 02, 2019, 07:29:32 AM

Day 50 clean

Spending some time re-watching the "Your brain on porn" video that is so conveniently linked on the home page.  Good to keep in mind all facets of this battle.     
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: BigMog on May 21, 2019, 04:45:46 PM
Hi jixu, how are you doing?-haven't heard from you for a while.
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on May 26, 2019, 07:06:21 AM
 75 Day Clean

Attended a couple of wonderful social functions last week.  Prior to attending the functions I kind of dreaded it but they turned out to be great. It is nice to be clean and clear and it seems likes it makes the interactions a lot less stressful and much more meaningful.  It also reinforced the notion that it is good to break the daily routine and shake things up a bit once in awhile.  It is easy to get trapped into thinking that nothing exists except work or study or whatever the daily toil involves.   

BigMog, thanks for your post and the encouragement that you give to us here on this forum.

Keep fighting warriors!

 
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: idunno on May 26, 2019, 06:10:53 PM
I've been finding socializing more rewarding, too. Less stressful, less worried that I'm going to let something slip. Also, fewer porn-related intrusions in the back of my own mind during conversations, etc. Easier to focus, to laugh. Your post reminded me of that.
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on June 05, 2019, 09:20:19 AM
Yikes, 85 days or so clean and the last two days have been the hardest for urges! Today I caught myself deceiving myself trying to prepare to pre-peek some peeking, if you know what I mean.  Thought I would come on here and type it out of the system.  Feel better already!  What tricky brains we have.

Thanks idunno for your comments and good example! I think social expansion and interaction are big-time necessary in this journey! 
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: Lero on June 05, 2019, 01:07:16 PM
Wow, man, 85 days! Outstanding progress!
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: BigMog on June 06, 2019, 02:48:49 PM
Well done Jixu. Congrats on 85 Days and on defeating the urges yesterday.
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on June 06, 2019, 03:36:54 PM
Thanks for the encouragement BigMog !  It is crazy the way the urges can seemingly come out of nowhere fast.
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: ArthurMorgan on June 08, 2019, 09:43:37 AM
Good luck brother. Keep going. I've just passed 100 days. Urges are ok for me, just trying to repair myself physically is the issue.
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on June 11, 2019, 11:19:08 AM
  90 Day Clean     ......but this post is not about me.....

The forum is littered with jaded journals and dead threads all over the place, and I think I know part of the reason for this-people are too embarrassed to come back after lapsing, people are too afraid they are letting other people down if they admit a stumble after having seemingly figured the whole thing out.   

To anyone who started fine and crashed a bit, I would like to say first of all, join the club-you are not the first and wont be the last. Second, you need to get back and start again.  In doing so, you owe no explanation to anyone (if you want to provide one, then fine-but you don't owe it to anyone).  I've seen guys come back from being gone many months with entries like "Day 1, feeling good, worked out today" etc. with no comment on the absence and so forth; that is great in my opinion.  You owe no explanation but you owe it to yourself to get back.  It shows courage and will inspire others. 

I am doing great right now but who knows what I'll be 30 days from now?  We have to support each other and be real people.  Ok everybody, let's get back to work!!       

Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: BigMog on June 11, 2019, 03:56:01 PM
Hey Jixu, very well done on the 90 Days. Keep it going!

.
and I think I know part of the reason for this-people are too embarrassed to come back after lapsing, people are too afraid they are letting other people down if they admit a stumble


Good observation, yes that’s me! I don’t think I was under the impression I had it all worked out but my latest run of lapses is longer than I anticipated and yes I do feel embarrassed. I will post again in my own thread and like you I encourage others in my position to do the same and stay with the process.
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: ArthurMorgan on June 12, 2019, 12:09:43 PM
I relapsed after 90 days but I'm back on it, restarted again and now I'm 105 days in, we just crack on, and keep going, good luck everyone
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: Jbow on June 16, 2019, 09:01:27 AM
jixu, you are doing great.  I was reading your observations,  and you sound like an old pro at rebooting.  I've been here a long time and I fallen more times than I care to count. the important thing is that we always get back up and keep moving forward. I'm afraid the temptation will ALWAYS be there, we just need to figure out how to work around them. just last night I was in bed and a bunch of crap went through my mind,  and if I wasnt committed to getting better, I'd still be in bed surfing the waves of desire.  stay strong and I want to thank you for your support you have given me on my journal. I have a saying I learned several years ago, IN THE BEGINNING,  ALWAYS THINK OF THE END. I know that's kind of random, but when I get the urge to look at that crap I've relied on for 3 plus decades, that saying helps me a lot.
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on June 16, 2019, 10:40:42 AM
Thanks JBOW for your encouraging words and the wise articulation of the battle we face.  You are right-we have to keep moving forward, no matter what.  The urges like you mentioned are not only daily but often hourly, and that is why to me everybody is really in some way at Day 1- we all have to make it through today, regardless of what the length of our "streak" might be.   Thinking of the end, thanks again! 
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: workinprogressUK on June 17, 2019, 07:01:39 AM
You're absolutely right, jixu. Every day is like day-1. No reason to think we won't continue to get cravings and temptations, having swamped our brains with P for som many years. I walked into my home office this morning and i got a pin-prick fast message in my head that it would be good to look at P instead of working today. I still get them most days and whenever I have to do something that I don't want to. I think I'm going to continue to get those little "zaps" from my "automatic brain" for a long time to come. We all start fresh every day.

Great to see you continuing to make progress. Wishing you strength.
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on July 10, 2019, 08:07:59 PM
120 Day Clean

No matter what stage you are at, even if you are 5 minutes clean, make a new commitment today-now-and keep going.  Do not give up.

Will be out for awhile-take care!   
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: allforone on July 10, 2019, 09:23:32 PM
Great job 120 days! Keep going! I am running just behind you in this journey. Lets do it together!
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on July 13, 2019, 07:16:49 AM
Thanks for the encouragement allforone and wip.  Best wishes and keep going-it is worth it!
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: BigMog on July 15, 2019, 03:02:41 AM
120 Days. Nice work Jixu. Thanks for continuing to post. It helps the rest of us to see that someone else has managed to make so much progress.
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: workinprogressUK on July 15, 2019, 03:29:29 AM
No matter what stage you are at, even if you are 5 minutes clean, make a new commitment today-now-and keep going.  Do not give up.

 :D Love that!
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on July 24, 2019, 06:37:39 AM
133 Day Clean

Dealing with what seems like a series of never ending stress-laden work days!  Getting sustenance, stability, and direction from the Psalms.  Stress is just part of the deal and we must engage it without resorting to temporary false comfort relievers like porn.

Let's all have a clean day today-take care! 
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on August 08, 2019, 12:51:31 PM
I am more or less at 150 days clean.  Based on reading about others, and based on my own experiences, I have discovered a couple of things.

The first item is stumbling.  When we stumble, we have to remember to exercise proportionality.  Don't make light of it, but don't get devastated by it either. Of course, learn what we can from it, but the battle is all about today, right now; we have to continue moving forward. 

Another observation is that we have to deploy preparation and intentionality.  We have to prepare our minds for what we will do when the situation or scenario arises. If we don't firmly resolve to look away ahead of time we will be lost when we are in the midst of the trigger.    For example, when we go to check the score from last night's ballgame, we know ahead of time that stuff can come up from the side, such as "top 10 hottest wives of the players" or whatever.  We can not always avoid this type of stuff, but we have to have told ourselves ahead of time that we wont go for it.  I guess it really comes down to intentionality-what am I really pursuing at this gym, library, web site, etc.  We have to be honest about it and watch out for self-deception.

The porn site does not care about your streak; whether it is 3 days or 3 years, we will be most readily welcomed to visit.  That is why I have come to the conclusion that it is really day 1 for us all-and today we will be clean!

Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: Lero on August 08, 2019, 12:55:27 PM
Another observation is that we have to deploy preparation and intentionality.  We have to prepare our minds for what we will do when the situation or scenario arises. If we don't firmly resolve to look away ahead of time we will be lost when we are in the midst of the trigger.    For example, when we go to check the score from last night's ballgame, we know ahead of time that stuff can come up from the side, such as "top 10 hottest wives of the players" or whatever.  We can not always avoid this type of stuff, but we have to have told ourselves ahead of time that we wont go for it.  I guess it really comes down to intentionality-what am I really pursuing at this gym, library, web site, etc.  We have to be honest about it and watch out for self-deception.

I definitely subscribe to this idea. Maybe I've been doing something like this too. In my case, it manifests like a disgust for porn and anything related. When I see stuff like that, I feel that disgust and say: "No, get the fuck out of my face! I know what you're trying to do but I'm done with this. I've other business here, not to fucking click on you!" Creating this mentality is a very powerful too. "I will check some websites cause I need to find out something but, if something pops up, I don't give a fuck."
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: hope2reboot on August 10, 2019, 03:36:48 PM
Yeah definitely agree! We gotta hate this crap for what it really is. Soul and joy destroying lies. Wants nothing but to destroy us and ruin our lives. Congrats jixu on the 150. I agree everyday is like day one and the more day ones we can put together back to back the more our minds will heal up.
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: idunno on August 15, 2019, 12:25:21 PM
Good job jixu. I like your thoughts on intentionality. The same goes for me with women I see around. Just yesterday, dropping off at school. I realized my attention was "over there," towards a certain woman who I've often wanted to leer at. I then asked myself -- of all the 360 degrees of places to direct my attention, why am I lingering over there? I was able to cut it off at that point. Then I try to just move on, not beat myself up over the strong urge to stare. Anyway, happy to be progressing with you and all the other folks here.
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on August 15, 2019, 05:38:08 PM
Lero and Hope2, thanks for the comments and encouragement!

idunno, that is something, isn't it?  Just being away from the screen does not guarantee a smooth ride-potential triggers are basically everywhere!  Let us continue to resolve in our minds what we will do beforehand! 
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: BigMog on August 18, 2019, 09:29:23 AM
Well done Jixu,
Yes I agree with your comments about intentionality. When I’ve been clean for a while I kind of forget I’m in this battle so get caught out by triggers. I guess I need to constantly be preparing and reminding myself of what I’m going to do in any triggering situation.
Keep up the good work!
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on August 18, 2019, 01:02:51 PM
BigMog, thanks for the encouragement.  You are so right-sometimes we can stumble even when things are going pretty well and we let our guard down.  What a crazy battle!
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: Lero on August 18, 2019, 02:05:02 PM
BigMog, thanks for the encouragement.  You are so right-sometimes we can stumble even when things are going pretty well and we let our guard down.  What a crazy battle!

There is a big risk for this when things are going well because of letting the guard down. "I can handle it now, no problem". We have to be careful.
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on September 05, 2019, 05:31:56 AM
  175 day recap, includes a stumble

I have been here for about 6 months now and have been encouraged by the brute honesty and dedication of people here improving their lives.  On day 173 I had a 2 minute "session" so to speak and a 1 minute session the following day.  So, I had 3 minutes out of 175 days.  That is good on paper, but, while the goal is reduction, the real goal for me is complete eradication.  I feel more disappointed in myself as opposed to despondent-what a knucklehead !

The days pass quickly once you get going.  However, I have always viewed the days as simply being yesterday, today, and tomorrow-those are the only three that really matter.   

It is all about the thought life-where does your mind go at rest?  This is the key, and being off-screen does not guarantee victory (but it sure helps).  My stumble was precipitated by playing around, by "dwelling" on perfectly harmless material, even just something like a small facial picture of someone or a "concentrated glance" at a stranger on the street. Viewing is one thing, but dwelling and letting the mind run wild is another.

Ok, enough talk-back to the fight.  Regardless of our streaks, let's be clean today everybody.



 

   



Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: Iloveicecream on September 05, 2019, 08:10:39 AM
your Performance is very impressive.
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: Free-man on September 05, 2019, 09:44:54 AM
triggers are very difficult to fix, I think they always going stay there hide at moments, but waiting…
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: workinprogressUK on September 06, 2019, 07:22:06 AM
Great work. I'm inspired by your success. Your insights and experiences make for interesting reading, too.
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on September 08, 2019, 04:25:48 PM
Ice, thanks for the kind words, and Free, that is a good reminder about triggers.

WIP, I was very encouraged by your comment.  Thanks, and thanks as well for your steadfast support and encouragement to the Forum as a whole.

If any of you have recently stumbled, as I did recently, the only option is to get back on track again.  Stay in the battle, no matter what.

4 Day Clean
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on September 12, 2019, 07:48:41 PM
Had a great run today-it is often the best part of the day!  Like many others have noted, some form of an exercise regimen is a great addition to the over-all stride of life improvement.  Walking is fine as well; running and walking are free and they get one outdoors. 

Lots of triggers all around the last few days-no matter what we do an ambush is right around the corner.

8 Day Clean
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: idunno on September 17, 2019, 01:00:36 PM
Hey jixu, I hope you're doing OK. I'm pulling for you, as everyone else is I'm sure. If there's anything to learn from the stumble, I hope you crack it, but if not then I hope you just move on to an even better effort. God knows I had so many stumbles (...and complete falls, and over-the-cliff plunges, etc...), that I don't think there was anything to learn from them after a while. In fact, I probably got to the point where I liked thinking about stumbles and relapses, because doing so allowed me to think about porn! Everyone's different, so I hope I'm not saying anything wrong, but here's hoping you focus on the positive, and on the good path into the future. I'm talking like all this is in the past, but I'm really struggling with it every day, too.
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on September 17, 2019, 02:45:39 PM
Hi idunno-great to hear from you, and thanks for the encouragement!  Doing pretty decent, just trying to juggle, allocate, and integrate the various personal and professional stressors that seem to pop up.  I agree about what you said about learning, in that my battle lies more in the doing than in the lack of knowing what I should be doing.  Have enjoyed and benefited from the cogent comments you have made, both on your thread and others.  Thanks again!

13 Day Clean       
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: Pete McVries on September 20, 2019, 04:06:46 AM
Hey jixu,

sorry to hear about your relapse but kudos that you go right back at it!

May I ask what led to your relapse or what caused it? You don't need to explain yourself, I'm just interested in it because you were clean for such a long time.

Take care!
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on September 20, 2019, 07:05:15 AM
Hi Pete!  As I think about my recent relapse, it is interesting to me to start by gauging my reaction to the relapse.  In the past I would be plunged into despondency and it would greatly impact me for at least a few days.  This time was quite different: this time I was just basically disappointed in myself, feeling like a bonehead, talking to myself like, "nice move genius, what an idiot" etc.  I usually don't have inner dialogue like that.  The viewing time was very very short (just wham bam thank you mam) and there was no binge afterwards or anything approaching that and getting back on board was not difficult. 

I think part of the reason for having disappointment instead of despair was based on the reason for the relapse: I think I chose to view the stuff as a celebratory offering to myself (I don't mean it in the sense that I rewarded myself with porn due to the fact of the 6 month streak).  Yes, I think I became mentally slothful in the "midst of prosperity."  Actually, things were going along quite nicely-the usual suspect, work stress, was not really at play.  I guess in some manner maybe the smooth and easy going kind of disoriented me in a sense and I was in a new place so to speak and did not self-adjust accordingly and I let my guard down.   Don't get me wrong: it isn't like my life is horrible.  I have stable employ, am socially connected, have a reasonably clear conscience, can sleep at night, decent health, etc etc.  But, I guess i'm not good at dealing with good things when they get "gooder" ha ha.  After it is all said and done, the raw reality is this: I watched it because I wanted to, plain and simple.
 
In the broad sense, I view the goal as life self-improvement so that we can be of useful service to others and ourselves.  The self-improvement destination has many areas (exercise, continued education and learning, eating right, being kind to our families and friends, etc) of which porn elimination is one component.  It is a huge component, no doubt. 

I think counting days is good, but the main thing to me is this: what is my life like today-what is my life like right now?

Best wishes to all !

16 Day Clean















   

Best wishes in your journey!



 
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: Lero on September 20, 2019, 08:52:14 AM
That's right, man, this is a good strategy not to get miserable about the relapse. It is usually a mistake we make before we relapse, it's not that we are idiots, incapable people or whatever. We actually know what to do, especially those who make it to many days, they don't get there because they went to sleep and woke up after 6 months. They have a plan, they know what they have to do but mistakes are always available. You might not even know when the mistake jumps out of the bushes. I've noticed that some people relax their guard after a few months, thinking that they have it, everything is going great and they don't need to be that super careful. I don't know if this happened to you but it's something to keep in mind, as you have the ability to go months without relapse. Keep in mind what made you relapse.
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on September 29, 2019, 06:14:18 PM
Dealing with a reasonably large and extremely unpleasant (as well as utterly unanticipated) financial blow to the family bank account this week.  The good thing is that I didn't procrastinate and immediately engaged in at least some mitigation efforts to contain the thing.  Sometimes if faced with this I would go to sleep and hope it went away the next day-it doesn't work like that.  Was proud that I didn't seek the easy way out and faced it head on and didn't let the stress send me into the wrong stuff and direction.

Take care all-keep going no matter what you are facing.

25 Day Clean       
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on October 08, 2019, 01:54:03 PM
Rats! Lost the restart at 30 plus days a couple of days back. Saw it coming a mile away and didn't fight it properly as it started to very manifestly percolate right before my eyes.  Instead of knocking it out at inception I let it rage like a wildfire out of control.

Just keep going, patience and pace, one day at a time. 

2 Day Clean 
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: cranm329 on October 08, 2019, 08:09:11 PM
Well done getting getting back on track. Just a thought...rather than fighting this addiction, consider killing it stone dead. Stake through the heart, silver bullet, whatever imagery that works for you. It's a beast that will keep coming back from its hiding place in the deepest recesses of your mind. For me it was other imagery that helped ( have shared in my journal) but I had to face the monster down and say " I deny you! I give you up!" Prepare to psychologically 'die' in the process because the beast is part of you. The 'real' you can then be free to live as never before.
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on October 08, 2019, 08:31:14 PM
Thanks Cranm for your encouragement and comments.  I hadn't thought of conceptualizing it like that, it makes a lot of sense.  Thanks! 
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on October 11, 2019, 05:46:08 AM
Kind of quiet out there in the 40 and up Forum.  Feels like the dark dreary November of the soul has set in early.  Hope folks can give some updates, whether rain or shine.  If you have achieved some goals and desired milestones, pass them along as encouragement and keep going.  If you are struggling, come back in and restart the commitment. Friend, today and tomorrow are what count.
 
Take care!

5 Day clean   
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: Rex on October 11, 2019, 08:47:47 AM
Jixu,

Great work on jumping back on the wagon, this was something in the past I was never good at.  Once I started getting good at jumping back on the wagon, that was the first step forward for me to the success I have had in the last year staying away from PMO. 

You need to take one day at a time and not worry about the next day, the days will pass just concentrate on staying clean that day. One thing that I have discovered is that the fall to PMO never begins right before it happens.  It starts in the mind days, weeks, months, etc. before it happens.  In other words if you rationalize a fall to PMO in the future, you'll fall.  Don't give in in your thoughts.  When those thoughts hit your mind, knock them immediately out.  Laugh at those tempting or rationalization thoughts concerning falling to PMO, and keep saying to yourself - "never again".  It will get easier the more times you successfully knock the thoughts out of your mind, the effect they will have on you will lessen the more times you successfully do this.  It's a skill that takes some practice but it yields great results.  You'll find over time the thoughts and temptations won't hold any power over you, you'll have the self control to not let them bother you or pay any attention to them.  You'll treat them like an annoying person that you avoid and ignore.  Another technique that worked well is when I would get porn images of women hit my mind from previous PMO falls, I would pray for these women - a Hail Mary or Our Father prayer.  And every time the images would come back to my mind I would repeat the prayer.  This usually caused the images to stop popping into in my head for a while. The longer you stay away from PMO those former porn images that you viewed begin to fade and drop from your subconscious.

Be very cautious and control what passes through the eyes especially when it comes to TV shows and movies.  If a TV show or movie has nudity in it, don't watch it.  If when watching a TV show or movie you feel it's stimulating bad thoughts or feelings, shut it off and watch something else.  It's amazing how this stuff enters into the subconscious leading to a fall to PMO.  I find when I watch TV now, I watch a lot of documentaries and sports games.  I stopped watching baseball years ago, now I watch MLB baseball games all the time. 

The biggest change I made in order to defeat PMO, was to realize that it was a lot more powerful than me I needed God's help to overcome it.  Just like in any 12 step recovery program, God is the center of the recovery.  It was when I turned over my recovery to God and instituted a daily prayer life that I started to truly beat PMO.  You can read my journal for more details. 

Last, please remember this, no matter how bad the urges or temptations are they always pass.  At the time when they hit they may seem like it's never going to end and you have to submit to them.  No, they will soon pass.  Each time you beat them you get stronger and the urges and temptations overall get weaker.

You recently made it over 30 days free from PMO.  This is a sign that you are close to beating it.  I really started to notice the changes where it got easier after the 60 day mark and then after 6 months I saw big changes where it was second nature to stay clean.  It takes awhile but the longer you stay away from PMO the easier it gets.   

I'll keep you in my prayers.  Keep up the hard work, you are going to beat PMO!

.
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on October 11, 2019, 10:35:01 AM
Rex, thanks for that considerate and thoughtful reply.  There is a lot of good stuff to think about and absorb.  You are spot on about giving in to the thoughts-that is what got me last time.  The thought was planted and nurtured prior to the event itself.

I have also noticed that when my daily devotions in the Psalms flounder I become way more susceptible to the urges.  Like you said, they will indeed pass, but it is good to have (as you noted) some spiritual help in warding them off.

Thanks again and best wishes as you continue on your own journey! 

Day 5  Clean
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on October 16, 2019, 10:24:29 AM
Staying on track and patiently engaging in the daily battles that arise. 

WIP, BigMog, idunno, jbow-would love hearing from any of you guys, even if you are taking a break from the forum.  The 40 year old group threads are getting pretty lean these days.  Hope all is well.

10 Day Clean
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: BigMog on October 16, 2019, 03:39:01 PM
Hi Jixu, thanks for thinking of me. I’m still here, still reading the forum. I had some success and then a couple of fails, so I’m just regrouping at the moment. I feel I don’t have  much to say but it’s probably sensible to keep journaling more regularly just so I keep focused on the mission.
You’ve said further back that stress at work is a trigger, but conversely that when things are going too well you can have a slip. I think many of us have similar experiences. For me to be successful seems to require just keeping on an even keel, controlling the stress but also when things are going OK not forgetting that I am still in the struggle and making sure I am prepared for when the urges come.
Also I agree with your comments about escaping PMO being part of a bigger goal of self improvement.
Keep up the good fight!
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on October 16, 2019, 04:26:54 PM
BigMog-so great to hear from you, and encouraging as well !  It is always good to be reminded about being on guard when things are going smoothly.  Hope you can get some fresh momentum going as you regroup and continue the trek to freedom.  Thanks again, take care!
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on October 21, 2019, 09:40:12 AM
Had a good weekend with some family members enjoying a portion of awesome and majestic nature.  It is nice to get outdoors and see the enormity of the world-it helps keep my struggles in proper perspective.  Looking forward to a nice jog a bit later.

It is frustrating to lose a streak but the numbers do come back and begin to accumulate.  Never give up, and best wishes to all !

15 Day Clean

Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: cranm329 on October 21, 2019, 02:42:37 PM
Well done for going over 2 weeks.
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on October 28, 2019, 03:21:41 PM
Had a good weekend after a challenging week at work.  Most days have been passing without incident but yesterday was a tough one but I prevailed.  Glad to be able to give a good report to my AP.  So easy to give in, but so regrettable afterwards.  Keep fighting, it is worth it.

22 Day Clean
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: lyon03 on November 01, 2019, 06:23:34 AM
3+ weeks porn-free! Great job my friend. Keep coming back and sharing your journey. For every person posting here, I reckon there are dozens quietly following our journeys. Take care.
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: Rex on November 01, 2019, 12:45:44 PM
Jixu,

You have made it through the toughest part of the reboot, keep moving forward and keep up the vigilance that you had the the last three weeks that kept you clean.  Remember, no matter how bad the urges or temptations get, they will pass.  Each time you fight these urges and temptations until they pass, you win and it gets easier to fight them. 

Keep up the hard work!  You're doing great. 

Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on November 11, 2019, 08:05:11 AM
Been focusing on ways to deal with difficulties in the employment arena-often times the struggles at work spill over to other areas of life in non-helpful ways.  Met up with a friend and got some good advice on dealing with some of the situations.  It seems like we often think only experts have the answers but sometimes the guy across the street or the old friend is just or even more helpful.

Thanks Rex and Lyon for the encouragement.

13 Day Clean   
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on November 18, 2019, 12:46:27 PM
Been doing better at properly channelling work-related stress; that is a big issue with me, generally speaking.  Have also increased the social activities a bit, something I'm not always that enthusiastic about.   I have discovered, however, that usually the events turn out to be a lot better than expected!  I am going to an event this weekend that I am only so-so about so i guess i'll have a chance to test the theory!

20 Day Clean     
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: warp4 on November 26, 2019, 10:28:24 AM
Hi jixu

first time poster here and wanted to say your posts have inspired me.  I'm 55 yo and have been dealing with PMO almost since I first signed up with AOL (I know, I know) in the late 90's.  My obsession has come and gone over the years, but never gone for good.  My trigger has always been work stress too, coupled with boredom and my general lack of desire for socializing (I'm an introvert, prefer my own company and that of my wife to anyone else).

Over the last 3 years, work got very stressful and emotionally painful for me and stresses in life outside of work increased too.  In April of this year, I resigned from my job of 25 years under duress and it really crushed my soul.  I loved what I did and it was my career, not just a "job".  This emotional and financial pain led to a several month binge of PMO.  Turned to webcam for the first time along with vanilla porn sites.  Put myself in debt racking up charges to chat with cam girls.  My wife has been on to me for several years about my porn habit and though she's not necessarily opposed to porn, she is opposed to my binging and PIED.  About 3 weeks ago, I discovered Gary Wilson's YouTube video which led me to videos from Gabe, which led me to Reboot Nation.  I've been PMO clean for almost 3 weeks now, though I did slip about 6 days ago, but only got to the "P" stage, didn't follow with "MO".

This morning I am struggling with urges and "wanting", so I decided to jump on the Forums here for my age group and read your story.  After writing the above, I find my urge is still there, but not nearly so strong.  I think you've helped me through one more day.  Thanks for sharing your journey and continuing struggles.  It really does help the rest of us.
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on November 26, 2019, 11:23:23 AM
Hi Warp-thanks so much for your incredibly encouraging comments!  Also, and more importantly, congratulations on undertaking this new commitment to engage in this battle.  The webcam escalation is a definite no-go zone warning (danger danger Will Robinson!!) and I'm glad you have taken control.  I will say, however, that it is hard to say what anyone would do if facing a job situation as you described-that would be a huge stressor looking for an outlet.  That would devastate anyone, so please don't be too hard on yourself.  At any rate, best wishes and even with some stumbles here and there it will be nice to have an over-all clean feeling of doing the right thing to improve ourselves !  Keep going, you are doing the right thing. 
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on November 30, 2019, 11:07:27 AM
Wishing everyone a clean and enjoyable weekend.  Let's renew our resolve and build some momentum as we battle our way day by day into the new year.  Nothing magical about calendar dates but they can serve as reflecting points and motivational helps.  No more destruction from this garbage!  Take care, and keep going forward today-right now. 

32 Day Clean
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: warp4 on November 30, 2019, 01:03:34 PM
Wishing everyone a clean and enjoyable weekend.  Let's renew our resolve and build some momentum as we battle our way day by day into the new year.  Nothing magical about calendar dates but they can serve as reflecting points and motivational helps.  No more destruction from this garbage!  Take care, and keep going forward today-right now. 

32 Day Clean

Thank you Jixu.  Hope your weekend is clean but fun.  I'm nearly a month into this (had nothing to do with "No Nut November" though, it was just seriously TIME), but still have to fight off the "wanting" nearly every day.  The holidays are a blessing in that there are more people/family around, so I'm occupied by (trying to) socialize.  I'm the cook in my family, so that keeps me occupied, as does the inevitable clean up!  The days that are difficult are those where I am bored, because when I get bored, I start to stress and when I stress...you know.

This is literally a battle with my own brain and a part of myself I don't like very much.  I even find my brain trying to tell me that "this isn't bad, come on, you need a little pleasure now and then, what easier way to get it, no one has to know blah blah blah".  It's scary when I read on these forums about guys who say they feel much more in control after only 2 or 3 weeks.  I don't feel more in control, yet, and I'm worried "what if I never get there?"  I know I'm only a month into this, but still.  Its probably that addicted part of my brain trying to make me give up, in a more insidious way.

Anyway,  best to all of you out there and fight the good fight!
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: BigMog on December 03, 2019, 04:40:00 AM
Well done for 32 days Jixu, keep it going!
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on December 06, 2019, 07:25:42 AM
BigMog-thanks for the encouragement.  It is always good to hear from you and know that you are still trekking along!  Warp, hope you are still engaged in the battle.

Here is to a clean weekend!

38 Day Clean 
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: John1968 on December 07, 2019, 06:13:58 AM
Hi guys hope you don’t mind me chipping in
I’m comcerned
Reading this thread and a few others it seems I should be gagging to get some porn on
My story is I’m 51 and noticed about 5 years ago that I wasn’t excited in sex wasn’t getting hard during foreplay or kissing etc
Also lost morning erections and not had one in 4 years
I have been pursuing low testosterone as mine is low, but being in the uk you don’t get anywhere with trying to get on trt very easily so went down the self medicating route
Upped my testosterone to high levels and to normal levels and it made zero difference
Then stumbled across this no fap thing and it does resonate with my porn use
However I started and it’s been easy as have no libido to even watch porn anyway , I think I have been In a flat line before even starting no fap
It’s been 4 weeks and I gonna continue for 90 days but i feel  no different so far at all, I’m starting to feel like I’ll never get my libido back
What do you think?
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on December 07, 2019, 09:36:40 AM
Hi!  To any and all: please feel free to use this thread if you would like to respond to John1968's question that was posted directly before this entry on this thread. I don't feel very qualified to reply at the depth it deserves.

First, good job on the streak and glad to see that you are committed to the 90 days; maybe some of the answers will fall into place by then.  I have never really had the libido problem that you discussed.  My layman's opinion would be that it is multi-factoral, likely encompassing physical health, emotional aspects, socialization and relationship status, and even some world-view (religion, spiritual, etc) aspects thrown in for good measure.  Not my field, but I find it beyond highly unlikely that the libido will never return; you would be a candidate for the front page of the Daily Mail were that to occur. 

As I spend more time here, thinking through my own stuff and reading about others, I am getting more and more convinced that there is a huge
connection between the mental (by this I mean emotional well-being) and the physical.  I think the two form a self-reinforcing feed back loop, where the mental hits the physical and then the physical strikes the mental, and on and on it goes.   Which factor is the chicken and which factor is the egg I don't know, but, it also doesn't really matter-the dialectical interplay moves on, and it either intensifies or lessens.   

I also believe that relationship philosophy is huge. We have to think of the person we are with as valuable and deserving, and not just view them as "a warm place to put it."  I am not saying you did this, I am just thinking out loud here.  It is an easy thing to fall into this mindset at times.  For me, I'm trying to bolster my conception of the relationship with my wife as companionship (friendship). Sure, physical intimacy is a big part, but it isn't everything.  But, interestingly, and this is what i am getting more and more convinced of, when the companionship aspect kicks in and improves-surprise, surprise, surprise-the physical intimacy seems to miraculously and correspondingly improve as well. 

I guess the bottom line suggestion from me would be to take a "spiritual inventory" update in addition to working the physiological component; I think they go hand in hand.  I don't think focusing on physiological alone is sufficient.  The spiritual stuff is obviously very personal, but, whatever form you deploy, make sure it is the type that provides comfort and guidance, and answers "big topics" like how does one obtain significance and security in this world, and what is the essence of relationships.  If you already have this side of things concretized in your life, then good, and please disregard!

Ok, maybe this crazy Yank has said enough.   If no one responds you could consider posting this matter out on another forum in an effort to get wider readership and a more learned response.  At any rate, keep going to the 90 and then reassess from there; I bet things will be different at that stage.
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on December 12, 2019, 10:47:41 AM
Have had some good work days as of late-very thankful for that!  Can feel the holiday pace pick up a bit now. 

Keep going-it is worth it !

44 Day Clean
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on December 18, 2019, 10:36:39 AM
Slow and steady she goes, one challenge and day at a time. 

50 Day Clean
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: SietchTabr on December 18, 2019, 01:18:55 PM
Congratulations on 50 days. That's fantastic.
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: coachj on December 18, 2019, 01:44:03 PM
You get to enjoy the way, so keep on paying it!
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on December 28, 2019, 09:04:07 AM
Went to the movie Little Women the other day.  It deals with many of the issues that are contained in the journals on this site-meaningful conversations, real relationships, and even notions of love itself.  if you are looking for special effects, shoot em up, smash em up, take the hot chick to the rack type of movies you likely wont enjoy Little Women.  It is clean and wholesome, and I found it entertaining and engaging, and strongly recommend it.   

Sietch and coach, thanks for your comments and encouragement.

60 Day Clean
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on January 07, 2020, 02:06:53 AM
Had to reset after a slip on day 70.  No binge, and I know what I need to better guard against.  Moving forward again. 

1 Day clean.
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on January 16, 2020, 07:08:21 AM
Pretty good last 10 days or so of work and socializing a couple of times.  Cutting back on mindless on-line time, not just because of content avoidance but also because it seems to be a waste of time when it is all said and done.  Humble (re)beginnings!

10 Day Clean
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: Curly Bill on January 16, 2020, 08:42:29 AM
Love your journal, good job getting back on the horse.
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: joepanic on January 16, 2020, 10:06:09 AM
Nice going getting back in the race

       I totally understand the whole mindless surfing    Sheesh  what did we do before the internet for entertainment?  Its no wionder most of the planet is putting on extra weight

    Cheers

      Post often it helps me it helps you
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: jixu on January 21, 2020, 06:23:09 AM
Curly and Joe, thanks for the comments and encouragement-it is nice to know that we are traveling in a convoy and not on solo missions.  Looking forward to a challenging but clean week ahead!

15 Day Clean 
Title: Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
Post by: GottaReboot on January 21, 2020, 01:43:15 PM
Way to go Jixu. You got this!