Reboot Nation

Journals => Ages 40 and up => Topic started by: RonDelPiero on March 11, 2019, 05:17:28 AM

Title: Ok, I think the time has come...
Post by: RonDelPiero on March 11, 2019, 05:17:28 AM
Hi let me introduce myself, I am a 46 year old guy living in the UK. I was married for 20 years until a few years ago. I have two kids who are mid teens now.

I think I might have all the symptoms of PIED but not sure what is wrong with me. I cannot even get a hard-on these days with porn, well not most of the time. I was prescribed Viagra by the doc and initially it was great but even that is now not giving me an erection.

So this is how it all happened...
Sex with my wife was not exciting enough, we did it out of habit and probably with the kids being really young and she was not interested, so I turned to porn. This was probably 15 years ago - I used to have the odd mag before then but probably around 15 years ago with the internet and all this free porn available I became a regular user.

It started off with the regular stuff, anything would get me hard and I would masturbate to orgasm any opportunity I had when I was alone in the house. This became almost daily, always at least once a day sometimes 2-3 depending on the amount of time I had to be alone.

This continued, I watching harder and harder stuff as I needed to be more excited  - nothing dodgy or anything like that but just harder...

Anyway now I find unless I watch something new or different I am no longer being excited or stimulated. I think this is also how the Viagra does not work - if I am not being stimulated by anything, then the Viagra or any other form of these drugs will not work.

I would find myself masturbating to porn with a limp dick for 1-2 hours just to get an orgasm. Most times this would be with a limp dick, unless I used Viagra and then the orgasm would be more intense and my hard-on would only reach an acceptable level for penetration(if I was to be penetrating) on orgasm.

I have now realised this is now the time to stop, my marriage broke down and I am now living alone. I have met a woman I really really like online and we have exchanged messages, photos and videos and we both really like each other.

We both want to meet and I want to give her a full relationship which obviously will mean intercourse. l know that at the moment it is a lottery if I meet her that I will be able to perform, maybe I could pop a Viagra and hope that the excitement of this new sex will allow me to become stimulated enough, for the Viagra to work and achieve a boner hard enough for penetration... Who knows?

I've been to the doc over and over again. The last time was a few days ago and had more bloods etc taken.

I am feeling like a lost cause, I want my boner to function again, to be excited by the touch, to get morning wood again, to have a wet dream...

I last watched porn 7 days ago, I am determined never to watch another video again. My new girl sends me sexy messages and we do talk on the phone and masturbate (which I can become hard to initially but then the feeling is not good and I go limp) - does this also come under the 'porn'

I feel myself becoming excited when we talk and when I think of being with her but my dick just will not get hard...

So I am hoping that if I cut out all porn and masturbation, then in time I will recover...

If not I don't know what to do as the docs can't help and at 46 the thought of never being with another woman again is absolutely heartbreaking...
Title: Re: Ok, I think the time has come...
Post by: workinprogressUK on March 11, 2019, 11:21:18 AM
"Coolidge Effect" on YBOP might encourage you that being with somebody new might change the outcome. That said, your brain's already finding basic P obsolete and you've spent years desensitising it from normal stimuli, so it might be asking too much to think that your new lady to achieve things that hardcore P no longer can. So if finding and cementing a new relationship in the real world is important enough for you to give up P, then a reboot is probably the way to go. But it's likely to take a while and one of the first outcomes could be a really numbing flatline, which would probably keep you "off games" for at least a few weeks. You can do it though. Lots of people have enjoyed lasting success and a better life by starting here. Just needs a lot of commitment and a little understanding. 
Title: Re: Ok, I think the time has come...
Post by: RonDelPiero on March 11, 2019, 05:16:59 PM
Thanks for your reply and encouraging words. I am not entirely sure what everything means tho as I am new to this. I understand that I need to give up P(orn) and masturbation.
I have not gone more than a few days without masturbating to orgasm with  porn in probably 6-7 years but don’t know what flatline means.

Also I have noticed probably in the past 6 months that my penis has almost no sensation at all when I do achieve a hard-on(usually with Viagra) or occasionally when I have morning wood.
I do get excited and feel my dick twitch when I speak to my new lady on the phone or she writes dirty messages to me but that is all. It’s almost like my brain is telling me ‘ahah don’t even bother as you’ll not get a hard-on)

Is this still classed as porn (sex talk with my lady on the phone and exchanging dirty texts)? If so I will have to avoid it until I get a natural hard-on again.

I don’t feel any different to what I did when I was frantically mastubating to porn, actually I think I have no interest in any form of sexual gratification at all at the moment.

I don’t know what to do or where to turn for help.
Title: Re: Ok, I think the time has come...
Post by: RonDelPiero on March 14, 2019, 04:15:34 AM
Day 10. This is close to the longest stretch of no porn watching in over 5 years. Although a colleague at work showed me a picture of a woman with her tits out on his phone yesterday(without me knowing what he was going to show me), I quickly made my excuses and left.
I am noticing I am getting hard-ons through the night and have had morning wood 3 times since day 6.
I still kind of feel like I have zero libido but will continue to fight the cause and not watch any porn again. My lady is often sending me naughty texts, which does get my cock stirring in my trousers but nowhere near even a 1-2. I thought if I touched it a little it might become harder but don’t want to risk my reebot.
Anyone any advice?
Title: Re: Ok, I think the time has come...
Post by: cranm329 on March 14, 2019, 06:24:52 AM
Caution! Resisting temptation to touch is a powerful means of  regaining control. Every MO session starts with one touch.
Title: Re: Ok, I think the time has come...
Post by: RonDelPiero on March 14, 2019, 07:00:16 AM
Ok. So masturbation even with a partner is outta the question too? I am new to this, obviously I know porn is no longer on the agenda and I will resist with everything I have to guarantee I never watch porn again.
I am absolutely determined to see this through. Of that I am certain.
Title: Re: Ok, I think the time has come...
Post by: cranm329 on March 14, 2019, 09:07:35 AM
Perhaps misunderstanding? Self touching is a no-no, not touch by/with partners. I suggest very light sensitive touching between couples to avoid friction overstimulation and getting an orgasmic focus or replicating self masturbation.
Title: Re: Ok, I think the time has come...
Post by: RonDelPiero on March 23, 2019, 06:39:49 PM
Day 19. I have not watched any porn. I have had thoughts/fantasies but they were either about my girl or girls in my office and I quickly changed my train of thought to non sexual content.

I am not actually feeling the desire to watch porn, I am not really feeling any desire at all. After a week to ten days in, I was noticing my morning wood but that hasn't even been apparent in the past week or so. I'm not sure if this is called flatline or not as I am new to all the terminology on here..

I have stopped drinking alcohol, I have always been a fit and healthy guy - I go to the gym and run 10km 3-4 times a week so I am active. I have tried to be more social, just engaging in more conversations with anyone and everyone - shop keepers, OAP's, basically anyone I encounter during the day. I am naturally a shy guy but feel that if I force myself out of my comfort zone it will eventually get easier - also I keep telling myself that if I continue the NO PMO, then eventually I will be cured of PIED... I truly hope so.

The longest I have gone with no P or O in the past 15 or so years is 2 weeks so I am now past that point but have zero desire for anyone. I would have thought that after 10-14 days without any I would be desperate for it but ziltch, zero libido...

I hope something gives me some encouragement soon...