Reboot Nation

Journals => Ages 20-29 => Topic started by: username is not available on February 24, 2019, 12:23:09 AM

Title: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on February 24, 2019, 12:23:09 AM
*WARNING*
May contain triggers
Read at your own risks

I started watching porn when I was 6 years old and escalated to some pretty weird stuff since then.
In my early porn days I watched some solo and lesbian stuff then came a foot fetish and hairy girl fetish, and later on came beastiality and shemale porn

Last year I lasted 75 days no PMO then I MO'd once, then another time, then I went and looked for pictures of girls feet to jack off to
saying to myself that its not actually porn and I ended up coming back to my old habbits.
After awhile I didn't even give a shit anyway, I was (still am) a virgin and I'm not able to get a girlfriend anyway so why not jack off?

Theres something wrong in my head and I don't know how to fix it, I isolate myself I try to avoid people even though I want to connect with a girl so much

I'm sad, depressed and sexually frustrated, I feel like shit all the time and jacking off is the only time I feel good.
I'm so fucked I'm having trouble having an O even to shemale porn thats why its time to stop this

This is going to be hard but I need to change
I'm not even attracted to girls anymore
I'd rather suck a tranny dick and I'm not even gay
I'm digusted by myself and ashamed
I don't feel like a man

Its been 3 days since last PMO...

I'm gunna try to keep this journal updated so I can write instead of thinking about porn

If anyone read this, thanks for reading
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on February 25, 2019, 04:37:56 PM
Day 5

I'm not working today and tomorrow and I'm depressed and really bored...
I wanna jack off but I know I'll be bored the rest of the day anyway
At least I won't be angry at myself for relapsing

Last week I was on Craigslist and was looking for tranny hookups and I found one but I decided not to go through with it
I'm not sure I really wanna fuck a tranny in real life... From what I've read most trannys aren't like the ones you see on the internet
And I'm pretty sure I'm gunna feel disgusted after I sucked a dude's dick
 
The only thing that helped me cope with depression and suicidal thoughs (porn) is now gone I need to find some hobbies,
to do something with my days
I've been on antidepressant for a month but they dont seem to be working yet
fuck I'm bored and dead inside



Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Pete McVries on February 25, 2019, 05:27:24 PM
Let me tell you this, I've been rebooting for more than 3 years and I've seen quite a few guys with a tranny fetish. And everyone who tried out his fetish in real life utterly regretted it afterwards to the point of wanting to commit suicide. I don't wanna scare you, I just tell it how it is. So do yourself the favor, reboot, don't look back, and DON'T HOOK UP WITH A TRANNY.

p.s I don't discriminate trannies
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on February 26, 2019, 04:06:30 PM
Damn man, thanks for the advice, I didn't think you'd want to commit suicide after having fucked a tranny but I can imagine why.. Definitely will not seek a tranny now


Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on February 26, 2019, 04:32:46 PM
Day 6:

Since like 2 days ago my attraction to women is slowly coming back and I'm noticing them now
A girl came to eat at my job and I couldn't stop looking at her and she was always turning her head to look at me...

She was pretty cute but was only 15 so I couldn't really be with her.. anyway I would probably not have had the balls to ask her out
so maybe its a good thing she was underaged..

I tried to keep working but I just couldn't stop looking at her and thinking about her
I wasn't even really turned on but I just knew I wanted her
I felt good and bad at the same time it was weird

Today I woke up feeling pretty shitty but went to buy some bread and I feel better now




Last time I rebooted, the first week after no PMO felt pretty good but after it turned into 2 months of shitty withdrawals and I think today and tomorrow is the calm before the storm...

One thing I learned from my last reboot is that theres no half measures when it comes to quitting porn...
If you think you can allow yourself to watch only one genre of porn without escalating back to the stuff you used to watched there 99.9% chances you will fail and fall back into your old habbits, at least that what happened to me

I think I will allow myself to jack off at one point in my reboot (like after 60 to 90 days) but can't allow myself to have an image in front of me not matter what even if its a Sears magazine.

I hope I will be able to get a girlfriend soon after or during the reboot or I'm afraid I'll fall back into my addiction..


Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on February 27, 2019, 10:17:15 PM
Day 7:

Woke up feeling pretty shitty, had about half a morning wood but wasn't horny and I don't have any urges but my dick isn't completely dead yet..
Was depressed and had low energy but went on the treadmill and listened to Slayer pretty loud on my speaker then it felt really good after about 10 mins
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on February 28, 2019, 03:21:31 PM
Day 8:

I had porn flashbacks when I was laying in bed last night and this morning.. I had a hard on for a moment but didn't feel the need to watch porn and wasn't even horny thinking about it. I imagined if there would be a tranny in my bed I would want to suck her cock till she cums in my mouth...

Yeah.. I know how gay that sounds..
But when I think of a tranny I think of a girl with a dick, not a dude with tits, but its not how it is in real life.

When I first started watching tranny porn (like 6 years ago, I'm 21 btw), I looked up things like girls with dicks and stuff cause
I though they were different than crossdressers and femboys and I was disgusted at the though of watching dudes turned into girls
but after awhile i didn't even care anymore.

I'm attracted to feminity and if a guy can portray that, my mind just doesn't see the difference

 
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Pete McVries on February 28, 2019, 04:06:21 PM
"her cock" sorry mate, I had to chuckle for a second ;D. Hope the reboot goes well and this porn induced fetish fades to black. It will be there forever but hopefully your fetish can become dormant. Rooting for you!
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on March 01, 2019, 03:24:08 PM
Lol yeah I have to tell myself its a women cause the thought of sucking a dude's dick is disgusting

Thanks for the comments man
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on March 01, 2019, 03:43:06 PM
Day 9:

I don't know when I'll start to get horny again but it probably will be awhile cause I abused the FUCK out of porn these past few months

I'm still not sure if I will jack off without porn or give up jacking off completely but damn..
Its gunna be hard if I can't even jack off at all when I'm horny

If anyone knows whether or not its best to stop jacking off completely feel free to post a reply
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on March 02, 2019, 01:32:36 PM
Day 10:

I could feel a tiny bit horny this morning and at the same time I feel like my emotions are coming back and I'm actually starting to feel some things again

I took a walk listening to music in the sun and I haven't felt that good in a long time
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on March 03, 2019, 10:18:03 PM
Day 11:

Had a 3 min morning wood this morning but was not horny, I haven't though about fucking shemales since 2 days ago which is good and I'm noticing girls more and more

I feel sad for no reason and I'm depressed.
I'm empty inside, unlike my balls

I don't know if the porn caused things that are fucked in my head or its just me but I'd like to know

It seems that I just can't connect with people and that I feel no emotions
I hope the reboot will fix some of those things otherwise fuck
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on March 06, 2019, 02:31:47 PM
Day 14:

I had a dream where I watched porn and thought I relapsed..
I didn't even enjoy it cause my dick is dead and has been dead for awhile except for the occasional morning wood

I think I've been on a flatline since before I stopped watching porn
I can't remember the last time I've actually been horny

I saw an attractive naked girl on a TV show last night for like 30 seconds and only got a semi about 20 seconds in

Actually I think the flatline is good cause it makes it easy for me not to watch porn






 
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Tempted on March 07, 2019, 08:52:56 AM
Hi, I want to wish you great success with your reboot I am struggling through it myself recently.
Because you talked so much about "trannys" and not wanting to "suck of a man" I wanted to talk about something that was hurting my reboot until recently.

I really had to learn to divoce my sexuality from pornography (I am bisexual), porn was really hurting my way of thinking about what I really like and what I do not like.
One thing, it is not something to be ashamed of maybe liking girls with dicks, or being with a man sexually, as long as it is something you are honestly into.
All I want to say is, dont necessarily think about transexuals, or sex with man as something that made you "dirty" in some way because it did not.

But probably from what you are saying you would probably define yourself as a heterosexual male. So maybe porn just made you deviate from what you normally find pleasureable, this does not mean you are a degenerate or something now. But this might mean you just went too far away from what you would like without porn and thats why you feel so bad.

I hope I made sense, tell me if I didnt.
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on March 07, 2019, 04:13:38 PM
Yeah I got to the point where I'm not even attracted to beautiful women anymore
I mean I still think they're hot but my body just doesn't respond and I know its my fault and I fucked up

I'm comfortable of talking about fetishes I have like foot fetish and even bestiality
But shemales are actually dudes and the fact that I'd rather fuck a dude dressed as a girl than a girl is fucked

What hurts the most is when I talk to a beautiful girl and I'm emotionally and sexually detached from her because
I watch shemale porn

It makes me wanna kill myself and so ashamed...

Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on March 07, 2019, 04:33:04 PM
Day 15:

Had some very dark thoughts last night but this morning my dick felt a little more alive and I felt really good
Its weird but it looks like I'm feeling what my dick is feeling

I woke up, had a good chest workout then went for a 50 min walk outside listening to music and I felt better than usual


I think I forgot to take my Venlafaxine the last 2 days and it doesn't seem to have made a difference
I'm gunna stop taking it completely and see how it goes cause I think it affects sex drive

I don't wanna be on medication if I don't need to

Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on March 08, 2019, 12:53:43 PM
Day 16:

Had my first wet dream but didn't cum so idk if you call that a wet dream
Woke up to the sound of my little brother's girlfriend moaning really loud
If there was no laws I would have walked downstairs, took a rope and strangled him to death
But I didn't really do anything except cry for like 3 mins

I'm gunna leave and go move to Alberta pretty soon if I get the job there
Hopefully I won't see anyone I know for at least a year after that
I've got friends here but I really don't give a shit if I ever see them again
I just wanna feel better

I feel so much pain and sadness
Its so fucking deep that when I cry I just can't get it all out even after crying for 20 minutes
I think I must have buried that sadness and sexual frustration for so many years using porn

I have so much time by myself to think about thoughts that fuck me
Yesterday I felt so good and had hope but not right now
I'm not even horny and the sexual frustration is that bad I can't imagine in 3 weeks...
fuck
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Pete McVries on March 08, 2019, 02:56:20 PM
All I can say is be patient and trust the process. Of course, everything that reminds you of sex, like the sound of your brother's gf is extremely annoying but try to reframe it. I mean, I don't know how your relationship is with your brother, but be happy that he didn't develop the same problems like you did.

Stay focused!
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on March 09, 2019, 01:42:53 PM
I haven't talked to my brother since 2018 and even then it was like once every couple months, never liked him and probably never will, I'd de happy if he could just die to be honest. I don't hate anybody else in my life its just him and believe me I tried to get along with him so many times but it doesn't work.
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on March 09, 2019, 02:02:12 PM
Day 17:

Got a morning wood that lasted like 15 mins and I'm feeling so fucking goood
I think I'm so connected with my dick that all those years I was depressed were cause my dick was depressed

I realized that my depression has been directly proportional to my porn use
The more porn I use, the more my dick get numb, and the more I get numb and depressed

I've been so stupid but at least now I know
I can't fucking believe how blinded I was by my porn use
Even when I rebooted last time and got better I relapsed and still kept watching it




I'm starting to feel everything again
Emotions and shit
Beginning to feel less like a brain dead fucking porn junkie

Fuck I got hope now





I'm gunna try to stop being a little whining bitch from now on and appreciate what I got
I have a nice dick that works and that's all I can ask for








Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on March 10, 2019, 12:44:37 PM
Day 18:

I jacked off a little in bed this morning but didn't cum.
I regret doing it but I didn't really set any ground rule for my reboot except for not looking at porn

My reboot has been going pretty well but its gunna require some effort from now on
I will try not to jerk off at least till I have my first wet dream then I will see from there

I'll probably allow myself to jerk off once a week without porn when the urge comes naturally
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on March 11, 2019, 04:58:48 PM
Day 19:

Went to a massage and I had some precum going on
Not sure if I was gunna bust at nut at some point but I didn't
Felt so good I had to give her 30 bucks of tip

I don't really have any urges to jerk off but I'm horny sometimes
Me and my cock are feeling alive again
Feels good
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on March 12, 2019, 03:51:20 PM
Day 20:

Didn't have a morning wood this morning which is weird
My dick is feeling dead
I think it has to do with what happened yesterday
I feel like I got set back in my reboot a little but its alright













Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on March 13, 2019, 11:12:34 PM
Day 21:

Had a headache due to Venlafaxine withdrawals in the morning
I scratched my car against my brother's girlfriend's car and left big marks
Someone at work burned me pretty bad with a hot spatula for no reason
But damn it was a good day

There's a new girl at work she's cute
It was so hard to work I just kept thinking about her and still am right now
I always wanted to have her near me and kept talking to her
I just wanna kiss her, hold her tight and eat her pussy


I'm not thinking about shemales anymore and when I do I think its a little weird and I'm not turned on
I just want a connection with a girl even if its not sexual

My dick/libido is doing pretty well
Also not related but I just trimmed my beard that I haven't touched in over 7 months and I'm looking less homeless



Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on March 16, 2019, 09:23:52 PM
Day 24:

Last night was so fucked up I asked the girl at work if she wanted to go smoke a joint after work and I did but then I asked
her if I could kiss her and she said yes but it was really awkward and she wasn't really enjoying it and me neither...
I even asked her if she wanted to fuck but idk what she answered but she told me she thought I was cute

I don't even smoke weed anymore cause it makes me wanna kill myself but I knew she smoked so I used that to try to fuck her (that was my coworker's idea that i regret now)

Also she's only 15 and I felt so fucking bad afterwards that I stayed high in my car and cried for 1 hour
I was so high yesterday that I was hungover all day today and wanted to kill myself still

I wasn't even horny and I asked her if she wanted to fuck... wtf is wrong with me

I told her everything about my porn addiction and the fact that I'm depressed and I've been suicidial and I take antidepressant and even texted her that I cried for 1 hour in my car after she left I'm so fucked up FUCK
She didn't respond and must feel awkward as fuck.

I'm gunna see her at work in a couple days I don't know what I should say about this whole thing but fuck me I feel so bad ashamed and fucked up I wanna kill myself everytime I think about this and I don't know if this is my mind fucking with me or I must really feel that way but fuck I'm gunna stop writing right now cause probably no one is going to read this shit till the end anyway.




Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Pete McVries on March 16, 2019, 09:50:51 PM
Oh, that's a very piquant situation. My immediate reaction: Stay away from all drugs, nothing good will come of it. You acted out in a weird way and maybe did some things you regret by now.

Stop wooing the girl, she is underage and that may be even culpable depending on which country you are living in.

If you feel the need to vent about all your problems, don't do it with some obscure girl. Vent here, confide your best friend, talk to your father, whatever but you don't know the intentions of that chick. I really hope that your actions won't backfire!

And lastly, don't kill yourself. Even if she is going to embarrass you in front of your co-workers. You can always find new work elsewhere, change cities, even change countries and so on and so forth, it won't be the end of the world if it comes down to it.

Sending you some strength!
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Quitforeverthenwin on March 17, 2019, 12:43:58 AM
Sorry to hear about the recent struggles man.

Hell, as far as this girl. You went for it IN THE REAL WORLD. So good for you. Sure, it sounds like it ended badly but, the real world does not always go the way we want it to, you've gotta fuck up and learn from your experiences.

A few recommendations:
1) Be motivated by things OTHER then having a girlfriend, this is BIG BIG BIG. When a girlfriend is my main motivation when I feel I have no prospects it is very triggering. What other benefits will you have by quitting porn? What other negatives will you avoid?

2) Stop saying/writing you want to kill yourself. (This is a recommendation as I think it'll help, not telling you what you can and can not write in your journal). What you say over and over really goes into your head. I've done a lot of research on this, our language matters. If I say to myself "this is a disaster, this is awful" I will worse then if I say "this is annoying, this is going to be a hard week". Now I am sure what you are going through is more extreme than that but maybe try instead of "I want to kill myself" ----> "Man this is the shittiest day I have ever had!" Still pretty extreme, but it likely would be beneficial to break the habit of telling yourself you want to kill yourself....

3) As the above post said NEVER act on your fetish in person. It'll fuck you up for years... seriously it's not a real desire you have, that's just the addiction escalating to a much much much worse place.

4) HIS dick lol. Sorry bud if it's got a dick it's a he. It's okay man, you have a nasty porn induced fetish, I do too. This is not what you are really into. But recognizing reality (porn has you fantasizing about sucking duded dicks) and not living in porn fantasy land (her dick). Will help to motivate you to cut that shit out of your life AND it gives you clarity.

Good job on the date man! You are going through crazy withdrawals, having things go wrong is to be expected. I literally fucked up bad with a girl last night cause of my cravings.... it ended up not nearly as bad as I thought! You could wait a few days and calmly plan to smooth things over. I mean in 24 days you kissed a girl, thats pretty good..... I mean how long did you spend watching porn? In like 2% of that time you are kissing a girl.
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Daaaa12 on March 18, 2019, 12:58:54 AM
Hi, first of all I want to say that I’m from Argentina so don't be scared from my mistakes writing this please.
I had read all comments of this section and I'm passing through the same shit and I really need help cause I'm being a shit with myself and with other people, I think I'm so depressed that I want to be all the time alone. I’m being rude with my mom and it's hurting me so bad, I don't want to be that shit...

First of all I started watching porn I think at 8/9 years, when I was like 14 I started having problems with my dick, I had phimosis, so I couldn't had sex but I could watch porn and jerk off, so I was jerking me everyday watching porn to stop my sexual anxiety. I'm a quite shy with all things in my life and I didn't said to my parents that problem I was having... I had relationships with girls, I wanted to fuck them but I wasn't able because of that, It really hurt... When I was 18 one friend send a fucking video of a shemale, first you could see the upper body, the tits and his face was covered with his hair so I got excited but at the final of the video it shows his dick and I felt a little disgusting but still excited, so idk why I went to the bathroom and start jerking me with this shit... after that I became a tranny addict, I stopped watching straight porn because it doesn't excited me until nowadays, it didn't affected my sexuality, I’m straight and I had girlfriends and always attracted to girls... When I was 19 I got the balls to tell my parents and asap they noticed they took me to the urologist and I had a circumsision, the first weeks of rest were hard and painful, when I was able I started jerking off again watching shemale porn, At my 20 day of rest a girl that I was dating invited me to have sex, I was a little nervous because I was virgin and I still had two or three points from the circumcision but we had sex normally and we both enjoy it and I cum with no problem.
Two weeks later I wanted to had sex so I called a girl that I really didn’t like but I wanted to fuck. So she came to my house, we both got naked but I wasn't excited, I hadn't an erection, she started doing me a blowjob but it didn't work, so we didn't have sex. After she left I went to the bathroom and I jerk off again with shemale porn. Since that day my whole life fucked up...
I was afraid to have sex with girls because I thought it will happen again that my dick can't have an erection... I had a lot of opportunities of having sex but always I’d avoid that. When I’m kissing with a girl I get excited and got erections if I don't think about sex but when that thoughts comes I'm to focused of tying to get an erection that my dick doesn't respond. I started to avoid seeing myself with girls for fear they want to have sex.

Now I'm 21, a few months ago I started chatting with a beautiful girl, she is blonde got green eyes, big tits and nice ass, the most important thing is that she isn't childish. Last week we meet up, We had some beers, we started kissing and we went to my car... When we were kissing she told me to go to the back seats to be more confortable, so we go and she sat on top of me and I started thinking of having sex, I got nervous and I started to sweat a lot, so I sat her by my side and told her what my problem was (without telling the shemale porn addiction) She understood me and said that she will help me and that calm me down a lot, after that I started having an erection that lasted about an hour or more meanwhile we were kissing and she was touching and jerking me off, I feel I could cum but I didn't want to get dirty so I stopped her. When I arrived to my house she insisted me to jerk off, she send me some pics and I was very excited with her pics that I recorded me masturbating and cumming and sent that video to her (I couldn't stop thinking of fucking her so hard  and eating her pussy) she was very happy and so was I. She proposed me to go to her house but we couldn't meet yet, in these days she will surely tell me to go and I do not intend to miss the opportunity.

It has been about a month ago that I stopped watching shemale porn, and when I want to masturbate I watch straight porn and I get excited.
I really want to stop this, I don't want to watch more shemale porn, I want to have a normal life, I don't want to fuck all up this time, I really need help, I'm afraid.

Sorry for writing so much but it is like a release and while I was writing it I was releasing tensions and now I feel better. Thanks to those who read me and understand how I feel. I do not want to give up I'm going to overcome it, I'm tired of this shitty life.

If someone wants to chat and talk about it, it would help me a lot and I would be very gratefull, I'm ashamed to share my real name but I could create a false account in a social network to talk about, Now its too late in my country and I'm tired so I'm going to sleep, but please, leave me a comment! Thanks again and be strong
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on March 18, 2019, 03:21:01 PM
Day 26:

I have no libido and Venlafaxine withdrawals are making me a lil fucked up but I'm good
I'm eating soup right now and its sooo good
Its been 60+ hours since I've eaten anything
I loss my appetite completely so I decided to do a water fast and I think it did some good

Man I remember why I don't smoke weed or drink beer now it fucks me up
From now on there's gunna be no weed, no alcohol and no porn for me

I'm still feeling shitty about what happened with the girl at work..
She doesnt want to work with me anymore Lol
I don't wanna see her anymore too
I can't stop thinking about what happened and feeling bad I gotta forget about it

At least we didn't fuck cause she could use that to send me to fucking prison
Damn thinking about not going to prison makes me happy I fucked up with her

I need to give less control to my dick, I'm thinking with the wrong head

Other than that the reboot and life in general is doing pretty good
I have hope for the future and I'm probably moving to Alberta if I get the job there
Should be pretty cool




Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Quitforeverthenwin on March 18, 2019, 10:34:51 PM
Day 26:

I have no libido and Venlafaxine withdrawals are making me a lil fucked up but I'm good
I'm eating soup right now and its sooo good
Its been 60+ hours since I've eaten anything
I loss my appetite completely so I decided to do a water fast and I think it did some good

Man I remember why I don't smoke weed or drink beer now it fucks me up
From now on there's gunna be no weed, no alcohol and no porn for me

I'm still feeling shitty about what happened with the girl at work..
She doesnt want to work with me anymore Lol
I don't wanna see her anymore too
I can't stop thinking about what happened and feeling bad I gotta forget about it

At least we didn't fuck cause she could use that to send me to fucking prison
Damn thinking about not going to prison makes me happy I fucked up with her

I need to give less control to my dick, I'm thinking with the wrong head

Other than that the reboot and life in general is doing pretty good
I have hope for the future and I'm probably moving to Alberta if I get the job there
Should be pretty cool



Man didn't realize she is underage. THANK GOD this happened and nothing went further, this is a shitty situation that will pass. Going to jail for underage sex ruins your entire life, can't really come back from that (dudes get the shit kicked out of them and worse who go to jail for that seriously)

Also dude, great job on keeping it up and staying porn free. You are seriously tough, for real. You are going through a ton of shit and still pushing through and moving forward that is awesome and inspiring, just keep it up.... if you can handle things like you have been you can get rid of this shitty addiction and if you do that, I am sure you can more awesome things in the future in your life, this is just the first step.
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on March 19, 2019, 06:51:47 PM
Thanks everyone for the nice comments I wasn't expecting this
Sorry I didn't read them sooner I didn't know we were at page number 2 I'm dumb Lol




Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on March 19, 2019, 07:23:36 PM
Day 27:

Feeling alright
I think I'm having the last side effects of Venlafaxine and I just threw the bottle away it felt good
I'm a little bit tired and feeling some darkness a bit but overall my mind is way clearer than before

Yesterday I was feeling shameful about what happened with the girl so I typed:
What is the most shameful thing that you have ever done? on Google
I ended up reading a bunch of shit on Quora
One of the shameful thing someone had done was having sex with shemales
But he said he enjoyed it

Then I got curious and started searching for other people's experience with shemales and one story turned me on
I ended up going on Craigslist to see if there was shemale ads...
I wasn't planning on actually finding a shemale but I was curious if I'd find attractive ones
Anyway last night I asked myself if I'd enjoy it and wasn't sure what to think

Man if I feel that ashamed about having kissed that under-aged girl I can't even think whats gunna go through my mind when Ima be heading home with the taste of a dude's dick in my mouth
Or will I be okay with it? I don't know
I'll probably wanna die and call myself a cock sucking faggot everyday for the next month though..
Noo thanks


I got work tomorrow and guess who's gunna be there..
Fuuck me this is gunna be so awkward hahah



Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Pete McVries on March 19, 2019, 10:15:14 PM
Was your attraction to shemales there before you were exposed to P or has P caused it? If it's a P induced fetish then acting out will never make you happy or fulfill you. You will open a door to a dark hole you normally would have stayed the fuck away from because all your spidy senses would tingle and you know that once you enter that entrance, you'll come back a different man. Not in a good way. You will able to flush the taste of MALE cock away but, you know, the mental damage will be there for life. It has the possibilty to eat you away completely. Be very wary about it.

I have a p induced fetish myself and it is a lot more harmless than yours but during my P days I always dreamed of including it into my sex life. And while this fetish will always be my go to fetish when it comes to P, I know that I won't include it into my healthy sex life that I'm trying to build at the moment. You gotta distinguish between actual healthy sex, communicating in the most intimate way possible with another sentient being, and porn induced fetishes that are nothing more than extreme fantasies that work because they lead to a huge release of dopamine.

Some people claim that fetishes will vanish but I don't think so. Instead, you gotta put that mother f*cker on a leash and teach it some manners so that it'll only bark once in a while and shuts the fuck up when you tell it to do so.

You got this!
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Quitforeverthenwin on March 20, 2019, 12:09:58 PM
I can very much relate to this post.

I would google something like this on the internet and eventually it would lead to a trigger or lead to me "just looking" at some ads for me to partake in some of my porn induced fetishes. Over time I came to realize that this, for me at least, was just me basically engaging in my addiction.

For me personally I consider looking at classified ads etc.  as the same or even worse then the porn. What happened to me was, I cut out porn and masturbation but then I started to find a new release by looking at classified ads and fantasizing about them. That was a far worse compulsion then the porn even. It started with looking at them, then contacting them as part of the fantasy/ getting off. I am ashamed to say I did actually act on my fetish once and it was a huge mistake. It was not quite as bad as shemale but it took me years to get over...... so in my experience looking at ads was something I highly regret, was worse even than porn and acting on my porn induced fetish was horrible horrible horrible.

I was lucky enough to spend some time documenting the escalation of my porn induced fetishes and it quite clearly was not natural, but something that escalated due to porn, as things that disgusted me before become irresistible.


Day 27:

Feeling alright
I think I'm having the last side effects of Venlafaxine and I just threw the bottle away it felt good
I'm a little bit tired and feeling some darkness a bit but overall my mind is way clearer than before

Yesterday I was feeling shameful about what happened with the girl so I typed:
What is the most shameful thing that you have ever done? on Google
I ended up reading a bunch of shit on Quora
One of the shameful thing someone had done was having sex with shemales
But he said he enjoyed it

Then I got curious and started searching for other people's experience with shemales and one story turned me on
I ended up going on Craigslist to see if there was shemale ads...
I wasn't planning on actually finding a shemale but I was curious if I'd find attractive ones
Anyway last night I asked myself if I'd enjoy it and wasn't sure what to think

Man if I feel that ashamed about having kissed that under-aged girl I can't even think whats gunna go through my mind when Ima be heading home with the taste of a dude's dick in my mouth
Or will I be okay with it? I don't know
I'll probably wanna die and call myself a cock sucking faggot everyday for the next month though..
Noo thanks


I got work tomorrow and guess who's gunna be there..
Fuuck me this is gunna be so awkward hahah
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on March 20, 2019, 10:24:13 PM
I used to find trannys disgusting but once I got bored of pretty much every porn genres I stumbled upon girls with dicks in cartoons and watched that for awhile, then it was girls with fake dicks, then girls with dicks
I used to search girl with dicks on the internet but never trannys or shemale cause that was digusting to me
But after a few years I was searching things like femboys and crossdresser and didn't even give a shit anymore
I got to the point when I wasn't even ashamed to leave my computer on and not clear my history


Girls with dicks and boy with tits were a completely different thing in my head and I rationalized by thinking
it was still a girl she just got a dick attached... but thinking of a girl with a dead dude's dick attacked was worse so idk what I was thinking at that time

Anyway... I think I like shemales because porn is like a drug and I watch it to get a bigger and bigger dopamine hit
I don't even give a fuck if its gay I just want my kick cause I'm a porn junkie

I need to see girls as humans and not a piece of meat for me to stick my dick in but thats hard
Cause I think porn and drugs fucked with my emotions

I wanna find something in life that will give me pleasure... I'm lost without porn or girls nothing fulfills me
I want to feel alive somehow





Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on March 20, 2019, 10:39:07 PM
Day 28:

Didn't see the girl at work today, she was at a funeral... damn I already feel bad about what I did to her what now?
I was so relieved she wasn't here today but she should be here tomorrow
I will apologize again to her

People at work asked me why that girl didn't wanna work with me anymore
At first I didn't say much but I ended up explained everything so now everyone knows...
My coworkers teased me all day about that girl, even in front of clients and my boss who has a 15 yr old daughter
It didn't affect me that much to be honest, I don't really give a shit at this point

Other than that I didn't get an email since my interview for my job in Alberta so I'm not really optimist about that but its okay I'll just get another job somewhere else in Alberta if they don't contact me back




Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Quitforeverthenwin on March 20, 2019, 10:53:34 PM
That is great that you are aware of the escalation. Aim to keep that in mind.

Our male brains are designed to mate with a given female a few times and then stop and do other things. (She should be pregnant by now or she is sterile). If a new female comes our brain will find a way for us to mate/cum ever more. This keeps going and going, NEW females are the key, NOVELTY. When our brain sees a novel sexual situation it thinks, more opportunities to pass on my genes! In the case of porn, we see 1000s of females, so eventually that is no longer novel, and thats where fetishes come in, we need more or more shocking and odd fetishes to make our brain react and believe we are mating or passing on our genes in some new sexual situation.

With drugs, you need more drugs to get high. With porn we need different, more shocking odder porn to get "high". So imo the odd fetishes we get are just the progression of the addiction and don't mean anything about us as people, just that oh shit we have a bad addiction and have to handle this shit!

I am not fully healed yet, but I have made HUUUGGEE progress over the years. Trust me there is a ton of cool shit to do in life once we get over addictions.

Learning an insturment
Giving a speech that helps people
Jet skiing
Snowboarding
Reading
Becoming an awesome dancer
Learn to box and compete in an amateur match
When you have your shit together move to your dream city.


As an example from my own life, I learned a language to a pretty high level, go swimming and jogging all the time and am learning to dance.

I never would have been able a few years ago when my addiction was at it's worth, but my habits are pretty good and I got my life together enough that I moved to my favorite city and have a nice pool in my building.

I wanted some excitement, before I might have gotten that from calling sex workers. But I went to my pool, with lights off outside of the pool (I live in the tropics which I love : ) and the lights underwater in the pool on. There is a little elevated platform and I dived over and over into the pool and glided through the water with the lights around me, I felt like I was flying.... Now THAT was exciting.

I never would be in this position if I hadn't really improved my habits and self. Trust me it is WAAAYYY better than porn and I presume drugs.

It may take work though, when we're deep in the addiction, our brains are fried. Our brain just isn't processing dopamine and serotonin the way it is supposed to, so it may be necessary to force ourselves to do these "fun" activities and not really enjoy them but in a few months they will become super awesome, as our brains heal.

Plus whats the alternative? For me it would be like idk. having my brain fucked and no discipline from the addiction spending every penny I had on sex workers and being literally homeless, maybe in jail. That sucks pretty damn bad lol.


Just saw you posted again: Keep your chin up! No doubt it sounds like a rough situation, remember you've got the support here at the forum! You have anything (healthy) you like to do? A nice book? Watch comedy? In a way, it's hard but you could look at this shitty situation as an opportunity as a way for you to learn to handle shitty situations in a healthier way. Finding activities to take your mind of it, but ones that are healthy or at least not harmful. As rough as the situation is, sounds like you are handling it well.

I used to find trannys disgusting but once I got bored of pretty much every porn genres I stumbled upon girls with dicks in cartoons and watched that for awhile, then it was girls with fake dicks, then girls with dicks
I used to search girl with dicks on the internet but never trannys or shemale cause that was digusting to me
But after a few years I was searching things like femboys and crossdresser and didn't even give a shit anymore
I got to the point when I wasn't even ashamed to leave my computer on and not clear my history


Girls with dicks and boy with tits were a completely different thing in my head and I rationalized by thinking
it was still a girl she just got a dick attached... but thinking of a girl with a dead dude's dick attacked was worse so idk what I was thinking at that time

Anyway... I think I like shemales because porn is like a drug and I watch it to get a bigger and bigger dopamine hit
I don't even give a fuck if its gay I just want my kick cause I'm a porn junkie

I need to see girls as humans and not a piece of meat for me to stick my dick in but thats hard
Cause I think porn and drugs fucked with my emotions

I wanna find something in life that will give me pleasure... I'm lost without porn or girls nothing fulfills me
I want to feel alive somehow

I used to find trannys disgusting but once I got bored of pretty much every porn genres I stumbled upon girls with dicks in cartoons and watched that for awhile, then it was girls with fake dicks, then girls with dicks
I used to search girl with dicks on the internet but never trannys or shemale cause that was digusting to me
But after a few years I was searching things like femboys and crossdresser and didn't even give a shit anymore
I got to the point when I wasn't even ashamed to leave my computer on and not clear my history


Girls with dicks and boy with tits were a completely different thing in my head and I rationalized by thinking
it was still a girl she just got a dick attached... but thinking of a girl with a dead dude's dick attacked was worse so idk what I was thinking at that time

Anyway... I think I like shemales because porn is like a drug and I watch it to get a bigger and bigger dopamine hit
I don't even give a fuck if its gay I just want my kick cause I'm a porn junkie

I need to see girls as humans and not a piece of meat for me to stick my dick in but thats hard
Cause I think porn and drugs fucked with my emotions

I wanna find something in life that will give me pleasure... I'm lost without porn or girls nothing fulfills me
I want to feel alive somehow
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on March 21, 2019, 09:04:13 PM
Yeah its pretty much smooth sailing right now I'm feeling good to be honest
The hard part was when I was depressed and suicidal a few weeks ago before I stopped watching porn
I also had chronic eardrum pain since October and its almost all gone now so just being pain free feels good
Also summer is coming and I'm moving to a beautiful place so I got things to look forward to
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on March 21, 2019, 09:18:49 PM
Day 29:

This morning I felt like shit probably cause I ate alot of Mcdonalds last night
I need to stop going there and get my diet on point
My libido sucks and I have no morning woods these days
But I don't really give a shit about that to be honest
I don't wanna have to control myself from jacking off right now anyway

I went to my job and my coworker told me that the girl I tried to fuck just quit
I felt a bit bad about it cause I knew it was my fault but quickly became relieved that I'll never have to see that bitch again






Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: pruthukkc on March 22, 2019, 12:59:21 PM
Calm down brother don't hate yourself there is nothing gonna change if you hate yourself. The girl you are thinking about is not last girl in this planet :)keep searching and also try to share you problems.
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Quitforeverthenwin on March 22, 2019, 11:01:18 PM
Keep it going man. At least you don't have to see the girl again. I am having some withdrawals too and made some errors with people as well, but I am just thinking. You know no one's perfect. Things got real awkward with that girl, she left the job so you don't have to deal with it which is nice and she was real young right? Not like she gave up her dream career, so no harm no foul...

Good diet can be good but man you are cutting out the drugs and the pmo, that is HUGE.
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on March 23, 2019, 09:04:17 PM
Day 31:

Family woke me up near like 11 am with the noise of the juice maker I was like fuuuck that
Everyone was there talking, being social and shit
I got out of bed feeling like an old piece off dick and got the fuck out of there as quick as I could
Went for a 50 min walk and when I got back I was feeling better

Went to work and people on the road pissed me off
I used to be angry all the time and do alot of road rage a destroy shit at my house but not anymore
Yesterday I was very cold with clients at work and didn't give a fuck
Today I was pretty pissed
Maybe tomorrow I'll be happy

I saw a pretty girl at work but didn't give a shit about her
I have no interest in women at all right now which is a bit fucked up I don't know why


Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on March 26, 2019, 09:25:28 PM
Day 34:

Feeling pretty good and stronger mentally and physically
I always feel good when I get out of work
Its like I actually did something with myself

I ran on the threadmill this morning then went for a 50 min walk/run
It felt really good but then I kinda crashed down and felt shitty but then going to work made me feel better

Its so fucked up that only about 2 months ago I was depressed and wanted to actually commit suicide
But now my mind is clear and I'm all good
I still can't believe porn can do this to a man...
If that's actually true that mean porn must have killed people by suicide

Man I've had some good time jacking off to trannys I can't say I haven't
But now I'd rather feel good 99% of the time than the 1% I feel when I bust a nut and feel like shit the rest of the time
It just ain't worth it


The reboot is going good, I've had no real urges yet
Thing are easy for me right now but things are gunna get hard soon
Litterally

Its the calm before the fucking shitstorm boys
If you're rebooting I wish you STRENGTH






 
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Quitforeverthenwin on March 26, 2019, 10:04:15 PM
Man, awesome you are feeling good! Keep up the good work, crazy how doing the right stuff can change how you feel so quick.... I remember a few weeks ago it was rough. In my opinion it is good that you know that things will get hard again, it's good to enjoy the good time but also be mentally prepared and not taken off guard when a tougher time comes.
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on March 27, 2019, 09:09:58 PM
Yeah doing the wrong stuff can change how you feel real quick too...
I fucked up a bit today and straight piped my car even though I knew my chronic eardrum pain I've had for months was not healed completely
And now it hurts again

I was so fucking pissed this morning after I realized I fucked up
I'm dumb
I wanted to hear that sweet V8 sound real bad but it wasn't worth it
That's like I said last post that 1% is the good it felt and 99% is the pain that comes afterwards

It doesn't hurt that much anymore but I could really have fucked up my eardrum for months
Thank god it wasn't that bad hopefully tomorrow its not worse...

Overall good day other than that
I gotta watch myself before doing dumb shit
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Quitforeverthenwin on March 27, 2019, 11:03:00 PM
Not sure what piqued means, making a cool sound with the car I guess?

I wouldn't be too hard on myself if I were you! That doesn't sound too bad. We're always gonna do some dumb shit from time to time, so long as the big stuff is good it's okay. Keep up the good work!
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on March 28, 2019, 12:54:14 PM
Day 36:

I had a dream where I was dreaming about shemales then woke up, jerked off and jizzed in my bed
Then I woke up for real and thought I relapsed
I looked down under my sheets and everything was dry

I just went for a walk while listening to music and I was feeling like shit
I saw an old blind man walking to his house and realize I'm pretty lucky to be healthy and have no real handicap

We sometimes think everyone else is happy but there's so much people's lives that are fucked
People live in hospitals, in prison, in wheelchairs...

Lots of people have it real fucking bad
Most of us still have the chance and the time to fight our problems and addictions





 
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Quitforeverthenwin on March 28, 2019, 03:21:54 PM
Good point, things could be so so much worse.

Honestly I think dreams like that are good. I find them motivating. It's like a nightmare, but it's a good kind of nightmare imo. Like the fact that it is something we badly want to avoid.
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on March 29, 2019, 09:04:28 PM
Day 37:

Pretty good day
Hear back from my interview in Alberta  and I got the job so I'm moving there soon

Still on a flatline since day 1 but I'm ok with it
I'm feeling pretty tired and shitty these last few days but it really aint that bad I just wonder why
I'm more able to focus at work and I work a lil faster than before cause I'm less depressed
I dreamed about porn again last night
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Quitforeverthenwin on March 29, 2019, 10:10:21 PM
Congrats on the job!

Sounds like your moving in the right direction on your recovery.
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on March 30, 2019, 09:03:12 PM
Thanks man
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on March 30, 2019, 09:18:12 PM
Day 38:

Just got off work and I was fucking angry
Almost everyone pissed me off today all I could do was scream as loud as I can in my car and try not to murder someone
Fuck this

I haven't been angry in a long fucking time
And I think porn was numbing all this shit
I think I'll just be more and more angry from now on
I used to be angry all the time before

I can't help it I just wanna kill somebody
Even when I scream or destroy shit it helps a little but it always come back
It builds up till I can't take it anymore and I fucking loose it

Last summer I'd be in my basement weight training and listening to really loud death metal
while screaming for like 45 mins to get all the anger out
I'd do that once a week and I was not feeling angry the rest of the week
I'm probably gunna have to so something like that pretty soon
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Quitforeverthenwin on March 31, 2019, 05:08:41 PM
Yeah, intense physical exercise is the way to go imo. Weight lifting is good, running can be good too. This morning after meditating I was really riled up, I went for a run and lifted after. Felt soo much better after.
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on March 31, 2019, 09:10:41 PM
Day 39:

Shitty morning but the day ended up being alright
I'm not working tomorrow so that's good

Yesterday I saw a Death Race movie and there was alot of nudity but I didn't get hard
I'm still on a flatline, I wonder how long its gunna last
I'm not really thinking about sex at all since I stopped PMO
But I really wanna get my libido back

I miss being attracted to women and horny for them
And at the same time I don't cause I'm not thinking about sex all the time
I hated being sexually frustrated every time I saw a sexy girl
It was hurting me real fucking deep like nothing else tbh





Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Quitforeverthenwin on April 01, 2019, 12:29:35 AM
Enjoy the flatline bro! It's almost like free days added to your reboot. You can put your mind on other things, hobbies etc.
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on April 01, 2019, 06:49:02 PM
Yeah I'm lucky to be on a flatline or else I think I'd have relapse this morning...
I was on a youtube live chat yesterday I was talking to this hot girl and she said something that turned me on
This morning I was in bed and started thinking about her and fantasizing and stuff and I tried to jack off but didn't feel much
Its so easy to jack off when you're already in bed I'll need to watch out for that
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on April 01, 2019, 07:05:53 PM
Day 40:

Not sure what the definition of a flatline is anymore
Don't really care but I think I'm still in it
I don't know if I'll jack off when I get off the flatline I want to so bad but don't know if I should
What's 99.9% sure is I won't watch porn ever again, that's the main goal



I did a nice chest workout today it felt good
I'm starting to gain some real good gains

Changed my oil and realized my steering rack is fucked
Ordered a new one today it should be here tomorrow morning
I need to fix it tomorrow cause I work the day after...
I think its gunna be a pain in the ass and I'll fuck things up but Ima try anyway


Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on April 02, 2019, 11:44:27 PM
Day 41:

Busy day, didn't have time to think about anything but fixing my car
Its day like these I need to keep my mind off sexual thoughts

I thought about if I was still attracted to trannies but I'm not sure
The idea of sucking off a dude who's now a girl is kinda creepy
I actually would like a relationship soon and I don't think a tranny will do
I miss the way I looked at women when I was still very attracted to them

Its not just about sex too, I want to see women differently from sex objects
I'm still very isolated and disconnected.. I gotta come back to reality or howeverthefuck normal people live

 
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Pete McVries on April 03, 2019, 04:14:07 AM
41 days in, that's huge. Keep going your path and your tastes will return back to vanilla more and more. What I have noticed is that If I was to relapse, I would still go back to my P fetish but when I think about being intimate with women, my fetish isn't involved at all which is a good sign, I think.
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Quitforeverthenwin on April 04, 2019, 05:18:52 PM
Congrats bro keep it up! I'd steer clear of the youtube chat stuff and probably of the jacking off for awhile too.... Your brain is healing and the fetish is fading which is awesome! So, why not keep things moving that way as quick as possible?   
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on April 04, 2019, 09:28:14 PM
Yeah I wanna keep things moving as quick as possible but also make this a way of life that's sustainable long term
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on April 04, 2019, 09:40:53 PM
Day 43:

Pretty shitty morning but the day turned out alright
I was awake in my bed and my dick was hard 80% of the time for 1 hour
That a pretty long morning wood
I wasn't horny or anything though

I think this flatline is coming to an end
I'm gunna set 3 rules Ima try to follow for when I start getting horny again:

-No porn
-Jacking off will be allowed after 90 days no PMO
-I will jack off only when I can't take it anymore, and without fantasies
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Quitforeverthenwin on April 05, 2019, 01:32:34 PM
Great man! Morning wood like that is a huge huge sign of progress. Yeah no PMO ever ever ever though.
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on April 07, 2019, 11:59:50 AM
Day 46:

Yesterday I got back on the flatline

This morning I was really horny and fantasized about shemales
I'm not really proud of that, I thought I was over this fetish already

I went for a walk and saw a cute girl running across the street and we made eye contact
I know its not much but that made me feel really good
I made eye contact with another girl not long after and she also smiled
Man there not alot of things I love more than looking at beautiful girls running on a sunny day

I really got high hopes for the near future and things are gunna be good
I will jerk off without porn at day 90 if I feel like it
This is so whenever I'm horny I hold myself and have a thing to look forward to cause I don't think I'm gunna make it PMO free otherwise
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Quitforeverthenwin on April 08, 2019, 02:01:24 PM
Well, you are progressing for sure! Enjoying smiling at the girl and being attracted to her is awesome. It looks like a transition to me some of the old bs fantasies but also you are becoming attracted to real girls! Keep doing what you are doing, as that is progress for sure. And yeah, watch out for fantasy, aim to cut it out as much as possible. For me it became a problem and it avoiding it will MASSIVELY help in getting rid of the fetish.
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on April 08, 2019, 09:24:54 PM
I don't think about sex at all during the the day its just that when I wake up and I don't get out of bed right away and I'm horny I start fantasizing. I try to stop myself from fantasizing but I can't. Not sure if this is bad for the reboot if we're talking about my physical capability to bust nuts and not only about avoiding fetishes but it can't be good.

This will change pretty soon when I get a new job cause I will have to wake up earlier
I just hope I don't relapse until then
I almost relapsed this morning
I think I could have busted in less than 20 seconds
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Quitforeverthenwin on April 08, 2019, 10:57:27 PM
Stay strong bro!

I have the EXACT same problem. If I stay in bed in am it often leads to fantasy. It's simple you gotta get THE FUCK OUTTA BED. Like as if the bed were lava. Do that shit asap, as the fantasy is real bad you want to cut it out cause it'll give you super strong urges.

I hack I have used recently that works for me is.... I get instantly out of bed, but I go to the couch and rest more lol. For whatever reason it's just not the same. I can go on the couch and the urges aren't there but I can still rest a bit or take the time to get going if I wake up feeling like shit.
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on April 11, 2019, 10:04:48 PM
Day 50:

Had my first wet dream last night
I thought it was gunna feel good after not having busted all that time but I didn't feel anything
It just felt like i pissed myself
This makes me not even want to jerk off even more so that's a good thing
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Quitforeverthenwin on April 11, 2019, 11:44:27 PM
Great man! Thats an awesome indicator of healing happening and awesome that is lowers your cravings. Keep it up! 50 days is quite the accomplishment, keep going. Your brain is getting healthier and healthier
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: LeanAndBop on April 14, 2019, 04:57:57 AM
Hey I read your original post and I can relate to your despair. I hope you are OK. Wishing you all the best with your goals.
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on April 14, 2019, 09:32:48 PM
Thanks, I'm in a much better place now
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on April 14, 2019, 09:57:29 PM
Day 53:

Had urges this morning
I went on craigslist during the day to see if there was trannies posting ads but what I saw left me pretty disgusted
I wasn't even horny when I was looking that up, I think I'm doing it out of curiosity
The urge to watch porn and the urge to jerk off are two different things it seems
I wanted to look up shemale porn to see if I was still attracted to it but I didn't

Transsexuals irl are not like in porn and I'm starting to acknowledge that
If I don't watch porn ever again I shouldn't think about them anymore
But I have watched them everyday for years so that will take awhile

You'd think at day 50+ I'd be smooth sailing but I'm not
I'm not even that horny yet and I need to control myself not to jerk off

I need to remember why I'm rebooting at my most vulnerable times cause otherwise I'll jack off
I will write a post about my reasons for doing the reboot soon so I can check it when I'm about to relapse




Other than that I've had a shitty day at work
Tomorrow will be better
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: mym8marty on April 14, 2019, 11:14:33 PM
Hey! Just read through this thread from the beginning, just want to say CONGRATS you've made it a huge way from where you started out, even just a couple months ago.

I think one way we will try to trick ourselves into relapsing is by telling ourselves things aren't for PMO, but that we're just curious, or we're just wondering, or it's not actually relapsing if we're looking at something without the intention of MO. It's a TRAP, if you find yourself just using the curiosity as an excuse, remind yourself what that road leads to, and step away/do something else off of your phone/computer. That's really helped me, at least. Hope it helps you. Good luck!
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Quitforeverthenwin on April 15, 2019, 07:58:17 PM
Keep going man. Remember, the urge to check if you are still "into" your porn induced fetish is just some tricky addiction rationalization stuff so good thing you avoided it!

 For me it's helpful to categorize looking up classfied ads as looking at P. In a way it can be worse, cause now it's moving into the real world. Remember, you want this addiction and fetish GONE right? You didn't have this fetish before porn and were disgusted by it the first time you saw it right? It's like a shitty parasite, let it starve totally and be gone.

Keep moving forward and get this shit out of your life! ON the other side is relationships with real women, feeling a hell of a lot better about your self, inspiring others including on this forum.
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on April 15, 2019, 09:09:20 PM
Thanks for reading Marty

and Quit, when I checked out ads everything I saw on there was really nasty and made me pretty disgusted and they all looked like men, so it actually made me not want to look up shemale porn

Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on April 15, 2019, 09:28:45 PM
Day 54:

Had another wet dream last night and it felt good but hurt a little a the same time
Both this dream and the last I can't remember what the dream was about exactly but I know it was porn
And most likely shemale related

I woke up and cleaned up a bit, my shirt and sheets got hit
I went back to sleep and I was still horny but managed not to jack off
When I woke up I was still horny and decided to empty my ballsack
I didn't fantasize about anything I just busted without thinking

Some of you might think this is a relapse and see this as a failure but not jacking off is not the main goal for me here
Quitting porn forever is
I don't wanna bust all over myself every 4 days..
Wet dreams don't seem to clean my balls properly so I will do the maintenance of my sack once a month maybe more if necessary but will keep it to a minimum


Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on April 18, 2019, 09:05:15 PM
Day 57:

Shit fucking day
I'm pissed and I wanna strangle someone
I'd like to strangle my boss with a mirror in front of me so I can watch his face while I choke the life outta him
Fucking cunt
I quit today so I'll never see him again

My little brother and his bitch ass girlfriend too can suck my fucking dick
I'm leaving town on Monday so I'll never see them again too
Good fucking thing
I'm getting the fuck outttttt yeaaaaaaaah booiiii
 








Other than that the reboot is doing pretty good
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on May 16, 2019, 08:15:17 PM
Day 85:

I live in Alberta now, I just got internet
I don't like how I left things
Sometimes I just feel like deleting angry posts cause its just bad vibes and no one wants that
I never re-read what I write after I post it

But its part of the journey my friends
The reboot ain't smooth sailing for anyone I think

I think my body is more fucked than I realized and its gunna take awhile to reboot but its okay
I don't think about what I'm doing as a reboot or challenge anymore but a new way of living
I'm doing an experience of jacking once a week without porn and so far I don't know if its good or bad
Once I'm comfortable not jacking of a week then I'm gunna do it every 8 days, then 9 days etc...

It feels good to be back on here I got some things I needed to write about


The change of environment has done some good to me and I recommend moving somewhere to anyone who feels stuck in their life



The girls at my job are all either fat or ugly which kinda sucks but I have low libido anyway so fuck me
I'm feeling kinda depressed these days and don't feel like talking to girl anyway


I will try to keep the vibes of this blog positive or neutral at least and will try to vent my anger somewhere else in the future.

Feel free to let me know how your reboot is doing or what kind of reboot you're doing
Thanks for reading
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on May 17, 2019, 06:48:30 PM
Day 86:

The success rate of nofap is very low
Stopping jerking off and porn at the same time when like me you've been doing it for more than 15 years is almost impossible
Its like quitting smoking and going on a diet at the same time
Very fucking harddd

That's why I'm trying a new approach right now

I haven't had an urge to watch porn since I stopped cause now I know its bad
I used to believe it was bad and stop believing and came back to porn but now I KNOW

For most people 90 days will not cut it
You will just go back to your old habits and it will all be for nothing
I think for me its going to take at least a couple of years to get back to normal cause I've watched so much fucked up shit



Right now I don't got much motivation to stopping jacking off though
I know it would be best but I don't see the point
I'm depressed and fucked up and don't feel like talking to girls at all
Not to anyone actually

I thought moving was gunna make me feel better but I was wrong
I don't know what can fix my mind anymore, seems like I've tried everything
Now I'm just somewhere nicer but still got a shitty jobs with some cunt ass bosses
Maybe in time I'll feel better, probably not though

If not I'll just move places till I find something I like doing or a girl I like
I just don't wanna die a fucking virgin it would be sad


Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on May 19, 2019, 09:14:29 PM
Day 88:

Got fired from my job yesterday
The job gave me a place to stay so I'm gunna be homeless in 2 days
People there were fucking asshole I'm glad to get the fuck out tbh
Gunna head towards the west in search of a new job, and south to the states if I don't find one

This should keep me busy and away from jacking off for a bit so that's a good thing
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: LeanAndBop on May 20, 2019, 07:57:06 AM
Sorry to hear you are in a tough situation. Best of luck. Hope you are alright.
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Quitforeverthenwin on May 26, 2019, 05:30:36 PM
Well, best of luck to you man. Life is not always easy, but at least you are trying and going for it! Abraham Lincoln went through many nervous breakdowns and total failures in life and then we all know what he became. Perhaps you can overcome this stuff and make something great of yourself in the future too!
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on June 16, 2019, 04:33:54 PM
Day 115?:

Found a painting job in Vancouver
Been living in my car for a month now and I'm used to it
I'm jacking off less than once a week now so I'm making progress

I find that pretty much all the women in Vancouver are ugly so when I see a girl that's barely attractive I find her really attractive
I think being around ugly women is good for the reboot

I got like 4000 bucks to spend on car repairs so I might need a better paying job soon
I wanna stack enough money to go to south to the states when its start to get cold

Other than that I'm gunna start to get serious about trying to date women and see how it goes
I'm so clueless when it comes to women its a shame
I mean I wanna put in the work but when I talk to women it just sounds so unnatural and fake I don't know how to fix that
If you guys got any tips on dating and shit, feel free to share

Quitforever thanks and yes I believe every challenge makes you stronger and I'm trying to be the stronger motherfucker I can!


Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: LeanAndBop on June 18, 2019, 11:55:54 AM
Hey mate
Glad things are looking up
Yeah surely if you talk to more women go on dates it will help you to improve in this area. I'm pretty hopeless too, but all we can do is try to learn and be brave... I think.
All the best
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on July 03, 2019, 10:16:15 PM
Day 133:

Job got boring, I'm sexually frustrated alot and can't think about anything else than women
I just want a small girl I can hold and give affection to
Its not even just about sex

Sometimes I see cute 10-12 yrs old girl and I just wanna hold and kiss them
But I try not to look at those girls too long so people don't think I am a pedo

I'm getting so bored of the job I can't work anymore so I'm quitting
I'm getting more sad and depressed as the time goes by and I need to get back on the road and head south.
 I don't know if I feel lonely cause I don't know what its supposed to feel like tbh

I've downloaded 6 dating apps and they're all set up but I don't got much hope of finding someone on there right now
I'll probably start using them when I'm back home cause its a waste of time and data and I'm travelling to much to find anything else than a quick fuck

I'm kinda tired and bored of my situation
but I'm sure travelling will make it less shitty


Other than that I'm jacking off not that much still but creating profiles. on swiping bitches on tinder made jack off 2 days in a row

Still haven't looked at porn but I've been on craigslist looking for sexy ads one day and saw a lesbian ad with a picture of her hairy pussy and got really horny

A good thing right now is I think I'm pretty much rebooted
My attraction to women is high
I get boners alot when I go to the beach

Alright alright alright,
I think I've said enough
I'll update the situation every 2 weeks or so
Hope you guys are doing well in your reboot and in your life
Don't kill yourself, and keep porn off your mind 
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on July 09, 2019, 06:59:18 PM
Day 139:

I can't believe its been only 6 days since my last post
I quit my job and now I'm in kelowna and jobless
I made accounts on like 8 different dating sites and on adulfriend finder
I've been jacking off everyday since a few days ago

Browsing those website is like porn and Im so horny all the time
Ive messaged some trannies and i wanna fuck them

I dont give a fuck theyre dudes anymore
I just wanna fuckkk
I need sex and im bored and lonely

Ive not actually watched porn but used those site as porn
my counter is now at 0
I'm about to get a tranny escort if I dont meet anyone really soon

Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Thank you for all that you do for me on July 11, 2019, 06:14:21 AM
You are talented and strong and capable, but that doesn't mean you can't get hurt or tired. Take care of yourself and your needs   :)
Stay gold my friend
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on July 16, 2019, 10:30:00 PM
Day 1:

I said if I watched porn I would reset the counter
I googled a picture of a shemale and jerked off
I needed so little for me to jerk of so thats a good sign
I'm not even mad I dont give a shit tbh

Too many people are too obsessed with the numbers
but this is about much more than that

Had a pretty shitty week this week
heres some stuff that happened:

locked my keys in my own car
got caught in a ditch at 1 am
got a 742$ speeding ticket
spent 7 hours at the border and got banned from the states
Officially relapsed

Whats funny and not funny is that the officers at the border watched all of the videos of me jerking off that I sent to some trannies I met on grindr...
and theres one where I say I may try to find work in the states so now its in the official interview, written filmed. and everything and I was kinda ashamed about that...

Anyway now I'm 3000 bucks in debt so I gotta make money.
Also I'm gunna try really hard to find a girl

I'm not sure if I wanna fuck a tranny but I may get a tranny escort to make sure im not missing on anything in life and its betted to try it while I dont have a girlfriend
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on July 16, 2019, 10:31:11 PM
Also thank you thank you for the kind words
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on July 18, 2019, 08:45:09 PM
Day 0:

Not sure what to do about that shemale stuff but trying to find real girls instead, I got about 6 dating apps that don't seem to work, feels like a waste of time

I jerked off today and looked for shemale escort and found one in my area but shes not that hot and cost 300 bucks
I feel bad cause I forced myself to jerk off and didnt even enjoy it

I was so angry today it felt like I was possesed by demons man
I thought that was my sexual frustration and jerking off would make me feel better but it didnt do dick

I'll try to find a job where I can meet women
I don't care if the job sucks I want a cute girls my arms I can give some love to

I watched nudes of tranny on the escort site and now my counter is back at 0 again not that I give a fuck anymore
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on July 20, 2019, 02:00:36 PM
Day 1:

Slept all the afternoon yesterday
Feeling depressed and having some kind of brain fog
I have no energy to do anything
It might be caused by all the fast food I ate when I was
on the road
I might do a fast if it doesnt go away

I have a feeling the depression is gunna hit me hard now that
I'm not on the road again

I try to not look up porn but I feel like shit anyway so whats the point
I hope I find a girl soon and that I feel better but
I shouldnt need that to be happy you know

Im just rambling at this point
I never read back what I write
This us just a place where I can empty my thoughts

I need some shit to occupy my mind quick and get out of my head or I feel Im gunna go crazy and suicidal and depressed again and maybe relapse for good and go on a 1 year shemale porn binge.

Im not even gunna bother putting the no porn days anymore
Ill just try not to look up shit too often

lemme know if youre having a shitty reboot
bye

Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on July 20, 2019, 03:23:16 PM
relapsed
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Do or die on July 24, 2019, 01:03:10 AM
I also relapsed and started again.
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on July 28, 2019, 01:13:09 AM
Flatline

havent jacked off or thought about porn for 8 days

I partied with some friends
There was a cute girl there that I played with in the pool and
I got a boner at some point
but I don't think shes into me

She wasnt that hot but I liked her kinda
or maybe its just my dick who wants her

anyway I still had fun

she was climbing on my shoulders in the pool and I could feel her soft thighs on my neck
I enjoyed that



sometimes my mind shift into the darkness..
and it gets really bad, its the depression taking over and
I think that I may never get a girlfriend
and I say to myself thats its not true but thats not what
I truly believe

I have a problem that I dont know how to fix
what if I dont ever fuck and die a virgin?

I feel like such a bitch though.. complaining about that when some people have much bigger issues
but I truly feel  bad inside
my mind fucks with me

help





Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on July 29, 2019, 09:50:36 PM
I've jerked off this morning
I was thinking about real girls only so I dont consider it bad

I've spent alot of time with friends and people this week
and im feeling better

I still hate the fact that I have no gf but I am grateful to have such good friends

My job sucks but sometime I have fun
I think Im gunna get another shitty job just so I can meet girls
Theres a 16 yr old girl thats kinda alright looking but I dont know how I feel about her
All I know is when I get close to her I feel something inside of me

My boss told me not to try to fuck her cause I got the last girl
fired caused I made things awkward and tried to kiss her but fuck him lol

I need to make pussy my buisness
Invest time and money in it like it was a hobby



I need to focus on the positive
the devil is there whenever I let my guard down or Im tired

that motherfucker is tryna take over


Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Do or die on July 30, 2019, 12:45:10 AM
you can do it. just dont loss your will power
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on August 02, 2019, 12:46:00 PM
Its been 6 months since I started the reboot now
I jerked off this morning and its been 3 days since I last jerked off and it was pretty hard to do

I hope Ill be able to cum if i ever fuck a girl

Ive kinda given up on dating sites again
I dont have the personality to use that stuff and my photo looks like shit
Its kinda degrading for me to have to look a pictures of girls with my phone to fuck them

it just feels wrong

but i might try using them once i get desperate again


Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on August 04, 2019, 12:25:45 PM
I dont believe in god but I believe things happen fot a reason

maybe Im not supposed to have sex yet cause im not ready
im still in a flatline and Im not sure if having sex would be good for the reboot or not
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on August 06, 2019, 02:56:12 PM
jerked off
kinda forced myself to cum so I could sleep
I dont feel good about it

Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on August 08, 2019, 09:04:10 PM
Feeling kinda down
dont know if its my shitty job or what
I want to fuck a girl at my job
shes like a 5 and 16 yrs old but im horny

she teased me but dont think she wants me
anyway shes not my type but I want her to suck me off
or to eat her pussy
ill probably ask her if she wanna fuck tomorrow but idk
she has a boyfriend anyway but she never sees him

im getting a new job as a telephonist next week
I realllly hope theres some cute girls ill work with that are gunna like me
Its not even about if im gunna like the work anymore
I want to fuck

Also today I got hard when I said to the girl at work I bet you cant fit my cock in your mouth and she said she could
dont know how we got to talk about that but dont matter
I count this as progress
Im in a better shape than I thought (my dick)

Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on August 08, 2019, 11:27:30 PM
jerked off and I feel like shit about it
its like when I'm hangover  and say that im never dri king but do it the next day

It usually doesnt feel that bad
but I feel kinda ashamed
like I failed to get a real women and Im being punished by my own body for it

I feel fucking worthless and disgusting
my new goal is to go back to the once a week jack off plan
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on August 09, 2019, 08:53:23 PM
feeling alright

day was not that shitty
I was kinda attracted to the girl at work today
more than usual
when she left to go meet a guy I kinda got depressed
I kinda like working with her

I just started my new job this morning and there only older women working there so far
Im kinda dissapointed
Im probably gunna leave soon
I have some stuff to learn from this job

not sure where Im gunna go next
I need a place where I can meet girls but also a job thats kinda relax cause im gunna be back to school and working
at the same time

I just checked my dating apps and i matched
with 2 girls, one is really fat, one is ugly
fuck
Im not looking at any pictures of girls when I swipe cause I consider it porn now
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on August 11, 2019, 12:29:21 PM
fantasized about a girl this morning
I need to stop that
leaves me frustrated

feeling like total shit right now
im not sure if training alot has to do with that
or allergies and shit

Todays my last day at work
I need to find another job
probably gunna end up at mcdonalds or
shit like that
its gunna suck but atleast ill be part time
and im gunna meet girls maybe

if not ill just change jobs again until i do


Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on August 21, 2019, 08:10:00 PM
Its 9 o clock
I'm tired
went to school and then replaced a girl from work
who needed to go to the hospital

I thought she liked me but then told me by text
that we couldnt be together
I felt a little sad
then a little angry
but im fine I dont give a fuck about her

I thought i like her at first but nah
Not as a lover and shit

anyway, school sucks right now
work sucks just as much
and so does my dating life
but I got 1% hope

so thats nice

anyway Im probably gunna quit my job
but I dont know
I need a fucking girlfriend
I was so close god damnit

but im kinda happy i was close
it gave me hope
and maybe thats all I need right now

GOD HAS A PLAN FOR ME
I BELIEVE IN THE LAWD

jk

Im gunna go sleep now
and forget this shitty day
tomorrow is a new day my friend
its a new  fucking good shitty fucking day

coming in live and uncensored
straight from my mind to this piece of internet paper
till the next post
if anyone is reading
bye
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on August 24, 2019, 09:09:12 PM
it was my last day at work today
I just finished and I got a sore throat and I dont feel great
I feel dumb, and used by a girl at work
she messaged me saying she was wet and wanted to fuck

but it was all bullshit
she got me all horny and shit.. fuck what a fucking dumb teasing whore
Im fucking pissed

Im probably gunna jack off today or tomorrow
its been a week and im so sexually frustrated
cant fucking deal with this shit

now I dont have a job so I wont be able to meet girls anymore
I have school at working at the same time sucks
Im probably gunna end up doing that anyway cause otherwise Ill never fuck and die a fucking virgin

Not feeling positive
At All

Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on August 24, 2019, 10:13:33 PM
cant sleep
I dont know if im sick or just sad and depressed
I just broke down and cried
I kinda liked that girl in some way

I was so dumb and blind
I thought things were gunna come together
that she liked me
Im so used to blocking my feelings that I didnt feel the sadness when she texted me everything she said about how she like me was a lie

I was just kinda shocked

but now im hurt
no matter how hard I try to mask it it wont work
its just gunna get me depressed

how can she be so cruel
what a fucking bitch
shes got a nice body but fuck her face is ugly
her fingers and teeths are disgusting too

I didnt kiss her when I had the chance
didnt even want to at all

This is another fucking lesson learned
hope tomorrow is better
and that i find love someday hopefully

or at least a girl to empty my balls every once in awhile for fucks sake a man has needs

Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on August 25, 2019, 09:15:05 AM
jerked off twice
and relapsed
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on August 25, 2019, 10:17:32 AM
I feel karma is real for some reason
One time I scratched someone car and didnt leave a note
well someone did the exact same thing to me but worse
I kinda broke some girl's heart at mcdonald and didnt acknowledge her feelings when I left and she looked so sad
well now I just got the balance I deserved

The universe is balanced now
maybe if I do good things
good things will happen to me
not sure if a believe what Im saying but I think its a good way to look at things
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Lero on August 25, 2019, 11:09:55 AM
I believe in this too.
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on August 26, 2019, 10:20:55 AM
relapsed again
this time it was because my friends talked about sex too much
all of them have a girlfriend except me so it fucking sucks

I watched asmr videos on youtube and jerked off to those
I feel kinda I did but at the same time its not as bad as porn
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on August 28, 2019, 10:59:32 PM
relapsed twice the same day 2 days ago

not feeling really horny these days cause Im sick
also got cigar sickness

but im alright

I'm always thinking about girls
I see pretty girls everywhere
I'm always torturing myself

I've got everything I need in my life right now
except a girlfriend
and I always focus on that
Its hard for me to appreciate my situation even though I've got it better than most

you don't value things until theyre gone
and thats a sad truth

but I'm grateful for everything I have
I just dont focus on that and I think I'm trying to better myself
and thats a good and a bad thing
cause I'm not even bettering myself if thats even a word
Im just making myself miserable

at least Im not suicidal like I used to anymore


anyway..
lets get back to the topic this site is all about
this turned in some kind of intimate journal
which kinda sounds gay and not something I thought I'd ever do but fuck it

I looked up shemale porn recently to see if I was still attracted but it wasnt the same as before
I'm not even thinking about shemales anymore cause I'm already really attracted to females right now
I'm more in tune with my old foot fetish

Sometimes I see girls in sandals playing with their feet and I get so turned on
I love feet so much
And I like having a foot fetish more than I like having a shemale fetish

I'm gunna stay away from shemales for some time
If i get the chance to fuck one I mighy just do it but I'm not actively going to seek one like I was before
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on August 29, 2019, 05:59:08 AM
Feeling pretty shitty this morning
I feel bad about relapsing yesterday
things were going well until recently
now I feel like a fucking looser

I think I'm gunna go fuck a prostitute
not sure if its gunna make me feel better or worse but I dont really give a shit
I'm tired and sick and I feel bad in my mind
I dont know what to do about how to get a girl
and its making me depressed

maybe ill just fuck prostitute till I die of some disease..
probably not tho



Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Lero on August 29, 2019, 06:03:57 AM
I feel you, man. I don't get any either. But I am afraid to go to prostitutes because of diseases.
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on August 29, 2019, 10:36:34 AM
I think most prostitutes are as clean as regular girls
yes they fuck with lots of people but they wear protection (most of them) and they get tested every 2 weeks or so from what I've learned

they are more attentive to it cause they don't wanna carch disease and even less spread them cause they'd be out of work or get their ass kicked by a dude who caught something one day you know

I'd say go with your gut on this one depending on what she looks like
If she looks nasty and not like the picture you can just leave
(that happened to me once)
the bitch looked pregnant and was eating general tao chicken when I arrived and I couldnt even get hard so I left lol

personally I fucked one and wore a condom and didnt caught anything as far as Im aware
I even ate her pussy and ass but she insisted really hard that I wear a condom so thats a good sign

a good tip would be to ask her if you can fuck her without a condom and if she says yes thats not a good sign

hope this was helpful, sorry for the long text
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on August 30, 2019, 06:19:45 AM
Yesterday I saw the girl that I wanted to fuck at work that teased me for no reason
That bitch was ugly

I got blinded by my thirst and didnt even realize how ugly she was
I would still have liked to fuck her but its no big deal. she didnt want to
I think shes mean to people cause she knows she looks like shit

I also went to gym and wasnt at all horny and almost didnt look at girls there
normally I just look at girls all the time but this time. and didnt look at girls much but noticed girls looking at me without having to look at them

I think its more attractive to them when you dont look at them cause they can just look at you without feeling uncomfortable and see you do your thing and also you dont look needy for sex

Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Lero on August 30, 2019, 06:31:55 AM
You know, I take a quick look at girls but it's enough for me to realize: Do I have a chance with her or not? If not, keep looking will only make me so desperate and frustrated and I will go home depressed and ready for PMO. I look away and that's it. It's painful most of the time to interrupt the dopamine but whatever. Only if I think I could make it work, then whatever, you know what I'm saying? Maybe it doesn't make sense.
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on August 30, 2019, 05:49:14 PM
Me it depends,
Sometimes I like being horny for girls sometimes not
when its a girl thats has a nice ass but not a pretty face that I wouldnt even like to be with and I'm just horny looking at her ass, its fine. It even gives me power to do more reps when I channel my sexual frustration to do more reps

But it its a cute girl that I would like to kiss and be with its different, I can get sad and depressed really quickly if I think about her

I prefer not thinking about girls too much at all you know, thats when you'll go crazy and get depressed, but its hard not to, and also if I don't think about it I won't ever get a girl probably, I need a plan for myself to be around women
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on August 30, 2019, 06:02:04 PM
So I checked on the internet and got a good idea (not)
I wanted to know if I was still attracted to shemales
and at first I convinced myself how they all looked like dudes and I was not attractes anymore
 
but then I saw a passable one and got attracted
than another one and another one...
now I'm 99,9% positive than this is a fetish that can't go away
maybe deep down I knew but I was just too curious

that what porn is too, its as much about the curiousity as the dopamine that gets you
anyway, after that I didnt jack off to that and tried to jack off to asmr but it wasnt enough anymore so I went back to it and jerked off to shemales...

I don't feel good about it but lately I'm prone to relapses
cause I've been sick and some other frustrations or maybe thats just an excuse

I will always like shemales, it is what it is and I'm not ashamed about it, I even like the fact I like it
its just so dirty
but I must not watch it
I'll try in real life with a passable trans to know if I like it


Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on August 31, 2019, 07:19:08 AM
Pmo'd 3 times yesterday to shemale and girls fucking dogs
I just Pmo'd right now too after I said to myself I was gunma stop

I'm sick and weak right now
my room is filthy and full of kleenex from both me being sick and jacking off too much
I'm gunna take a shower and clean everything
and also my mind from porn thoughts

Its gunna be a rough weekend to stop
I have 4 days free that I don't know what to do with
I hope I don't end up relapsing again

Each time I think I'm done with porn I'm not
I'm setting a new goal of not jerking off or watch any kind of porn till next saturday at least where I'll be authorized to jerk off but not watch porn

I think my relapsed was mostly caused my asmr videos
I used them as porn for a week and then it wasnt enough for me
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Free-man on August 31, 2019, 07:38:57 AM
Watch this video by Noah Church, it's very interesting
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Ldd7wfbKQA&feature=youtu.be (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Ldd7wfbKQA&feature=youtu.be)

Anyway, try to change your behaviours and change the habit for other healthier.
When you feel dopamine calling you go out of your home, you will calm you.
Erase all the p stuff from your mobile phone and your computer, Install a blocker like cold turkey or similar.
Replace the time dedicated to PMO for another helthier hobbies
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on August 31, 2019, 09:43:38 PM
yea I've watched it before
doesn't change a thing though
I don't need a blocker or any of this shit it wont change a thing
If I want to watch porn I'll find a way anyway

I only watched porn a little cause I wanted to
And also I've been sick for more than a week now and my willpower is just weak right now
I'm just fucked in my mind these days and I'm not doing that good

I love sex man and I'm missing out on it and it sucks
If I want I can control myself and not watch it for weeks and I've done that up until now but it sucks
I do this only cause I wanna enjoy sex more
not do more productive things, I don't give a fuck about that

If I could have sex 3 times a day I probably would
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on August 31, 2019, 09:52:19 PM
I don't feel like watching porn
Yesterday's relapse made me fall a little behind in my reboot but I think I needed this
I'm confident I'll be able to go on another streak of no porn
I'm gunna have to stop watching sexy girls doing asmr though, this is what lead me to this without knowing it

I'm going to try and focus on fitness and getting jacked now
also getting a girlfriend
not sure if I feel like using dating sites anymore, I don't like thrm
and most attractive girls dont need this anyway so Im not sure ill find a girlfriend on there

I need a consistent place and time where I'll be in contact with women

heres my reminder if I need to look back:
1. get jacked
2. find a place to meet girls

those 2 things are my main goals right now
everything else is less important


Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on August 31, 2019, 10:01:54 PM
Also another random intersting thing
I've noticed I get boners when a cat shows me affection or when I see a cute girl even if she's like 10 yrs old and it feels weird
I'm not sexually attracted to either of these though but I feel good and get hard but its not sexual, sometimes it happens in public and it feels kinda wrong, has it happened to anyone of you before?



But I love cute girls of all ages.. I just wanna hold them tight, take care of them and kiss them so bad, I hope I'll have a daughter some day so I can do that
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on September 01, 2019, 04:24:13 PM
Feeling like shit
I saw a cute girl that was kissing some guy and she looked so in love with him
I got really angry and cranked up  some death metal to max volume on my headphones
I was about to hit anyone who even looked at me wrong

But now I just feel sad
this pattern used to happen to me all the time and now its the first time its done that in months and its the worst feeling
I think I might be bipolar or some shit

I've had porn flashbacks of a specific scene I watched of a girl getting fucked by a dog
she was loving it so much
I'm gunna stop writing about this before I relapse though

I just wanna jerk off till I cant feel a thing right now but I must not
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on September 02, 2019, 11:10:26 PM
Shitty depressing day
my sleep got all fucked up

didnt have any interest in watching porn
or to do anything at all
which is both good and bad

I saw the movie Once upon a time in Hollywood
didnt understand everything but was pretty funny
and had alot of feet in it cause the guy directing or producing or some shit has a foot fetish
I got really turned on during the movie and ended up looking some feet scenes when I got back home but it didnt end up in me jacking off to porn

also there was a girl next to me that kept moving her feet and I kinda got turned on by that also. I was hoping she would just remove her shoes and her socks and place them on my lap so i could play with them and suck on them..
but it didnt happen

found out later she was ugly anyway
I don't know why but when Im next to a girl and didnt look at her or its dark I always assume shes really hot

maybe thats because thats my body wants to believe but who knows



I don't even care about tits and ass right now I need a girl with a cute face and some pretty feet that likes to get her toes licked



Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: malando on September 02, 2019, 11:39:23 PM

Have you ever had a read through your posts? I'd be surprised if you are proud of what you've posted here. I'd say you are more affected by porn than you even know. Your attitude to women is deplorable. And please leave that 16 year old girl alone. She doesn't deserve to have you in her life.
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on September 03, 2019, 09:05:31 PM
That 16 yr old girl is a total bitch anyway
I never read back what I post once and sorry if porn is affecting me, thats why I'm here!
I just come here to let everything inside my mind out so those thoughts cant fuck with me

Your life must suck to have to insult people on the internet to feel better about yourself
read back what you posted and tell me, are you proud of what you've posted here? L0l
All I can see is anger, negativity and saltyness
you must not have jerked off in a very long time

your attitude towards people in general sucks so I can't believe that women it would be better

You need some serious help, if you're gunna spread negativity just leave man, I've got enough of that already

Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on September 03, 2019, 10:04:22 PM
I just want to stay raw and let people have a look at exactly what goes through my mind
i posted a warning at the very begginning of the thread to let people know that

what you said kinda hurt and was very cold, negative, and unproffessional for a moderator
Ive got more views than some people with more replies so some people must relate or enjoy what I write so I dont see why I shouldnt be free to post

no one has to read what I write
most other posters really piss me off and I just dont read them
you also piss me off  but I kept my calm as you can see

try to be more kind even if youre pissed at me
dont spread negativity on me even if I have on you somehow

i truly want to get better and I use this website as a tool to let off steam and what goes on in my mind
not write a novel!

I realized I was a little cold with that girl now that I look back and I do feel bad about it

but I'm having trouble realizing that
I'm dumb when it comes to that kinda stuff
Im used to numb my emotions
I really thought I loved her...

anyway
I'm not a bad man, I'm just in a bad shape mentally

if you wanna beat down a sick man instead of lending him a hand, be my guest and ban me
but if you would just tell me calmly what you think is wrong with me I'd prefer that

I was gunna send this to you as a private message but I'll just post it on the thread
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on September 03, 2019, 10:17:11 PM
 If you click ''help'', thats whats written word for word:

"Posting - The whole point of a forum, posting allows users to express themselves."

do I need to say more? can't I express myself please?
If I need to use certain words to express myself, I'll use them
Dont like it? just leave!
do I go to justin bieber videos to say how much I hate him?
No!
Why?
cause I don't need to
all i gotta do is not watch them!

if you wanna act though and ban me just to prove you have the power to do so... you can
Id rather you dont but hey
its gunna say alot more about you than it says about me

I've spent too much time on this
I'm done

If I get banned, thanks everyone for reading
I wish you good luck on your reboot
and I will join a forum that allows me to post whatever the
FUCK I want
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: nps1337 on September 04, 2019, 02:13:33 AM
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Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on September 04, 2019, 08:01:35 PM
No prob man
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on September 04, 2019, 08:11:23 PM
It was hard to focus at school today
I was doing maths and kept thinking about girls
I can't not think about girls or sex when I'm doing something boring like that

I took a nap and I got the urge to jack off and did it
I don't feel good or bad about it, it just happened
I didn't fantasize or anything and just focused on the feeling so I don't think its that bad for me

porn is the biggest issue and if I have to jerk off once in awhile to help me stay away then so be it
If I can cum easily like that then I wont have pied
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on September 04, 2019, 08:23:42 PM
Do you know the biggest reason I start watching porn again even though I stopped?
Its cause I always forget why I'm doing this
I mean I don't have always a clear reason so its easy to go on a dickjackathon when you don't remember why you stopped in the first place

heres my personal reasons:
1. I want to be more sensitive to real women emotionaly and sexualy
2. I want my future girlfriend to feel that I'm really attracted to her and I feel she doesn't deserve someone who watches porn
3. I don't wanna have pied
4. porn kinda makes me depressed and have a low self esteem and makes other things in life less enjoyable
5. I feel a little bit ashamed after watching porn

If you're rebooting, I strongly suggest having a list of your personal reasons to stop watching porn

Ill try to remember those if I'm close to relapsing again
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on September 04, 2019, 09:58:47 PM

I just ate alot of food and I'm feeling really good
I need to eat more

also I just took a walk and made eye contact with a girl
I know its nothing but it means alot to me
she turned her head 90 degrees to look at me a looked really cute and I smiled at her

Later during that walk I had some thoughs that I think I should have focused on before and are big part of my problem with meeting women

Since I was a boy I was only around other boys and I had a pretty violent childhood, I never got along with my brothers we fought with each other everyday
I still don't talk to my little brother to this day since a few years
anyway.. I'm not gunna write a fucking novel about how hard I've had it cause I've had a good childhood and had it. better thsn most, enough with that self pity bs, I just wanted to acknowledge the fact that I've grown to ignore and suppress my emotions till I couldn't feel pain
Till I coudn't feel anything then I only felt depression, sadness, anger and isolation
I became really cold and I still am cold to this day at some. extent

Its hard to tell people's feelings when you can't even feel your own
I few times I've had girl that were in love with me and I couldn't see it, I didn't feel shit
I didn't even give fuck about them cause I was numb

I'm working on trying to feel things but not sure how
I've learned how to cry again about 3 years ago but it was really hard even when I was alone

I used to listen to death metal only also and I think it affected me in some ways
Now I listen to latino music and songs about love cause thats what I wanna spread
not hate

Who thaught the need to meet women would lead me that deep into self reflection
maybe that was one the lessons I needed to learn

anyway, I'm gunna stop boring you and go to sleep now
I just needed to write these thoughts while they were still fresh in my mind

thats enough posts for today


Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on September 05, 2019, 09:41:59 PM
pretty good day
had some thought about shemales once or twice during the day
I'm never gunna be able to make myself not like shemales I think
you cant undoo a fetish

I'm thinking of how to become more sensitive to my emotions again
I've learned how to hate and look mean and though and be emitionless and cold and look at people in a very angry way to scare them off

Now its time to learn to love and be sensitive
like a women...
which is way harder
cause Im not a women

being vulnerable and sensitive as a man who is used to be manly is so hard
I've had to destroy my ego and unlearned my ways to be, act and even walk

I'm not talking about becoming a women but trying to learn how to feel how women feel when I need to feel it

I want to be as approachable as one can be
I used to want to look mean and want people to  be scared of me
I listenned to death metal only and wore only black shirt eith death metal  band logos on them

I don't wear those anymore

I think the music you listen to really matches the vibe you put out
it kinda brainwashes you into the mindset

ask yourself, does the music you listen to match what you need to be in your life at this moment?

I personally listen to latino music that talk about love and shit and are kinda soft cause thats an aspect im lacking
I want people (mainly girls) to get a loving vibe when they talk to me

if this topic interest you you can go watch a vid by eliott hulse on youtube called listen to this music
its pretty interesting


Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on September 06, 2019, 03:14:40 PM
searched for shemale escorts yesterday
only found one thats passable and she's.. (ok he!! whatever)
is far away
looked for girls escort too and found one but didnt contact her

I relapsed on shemale porn because of that
I dont feel good about it

Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on September 13, 2019, 03:13:13 PM
*Trigger warning*
Don't read this post if you're prone to relapses

I haven't felt the need to post in awhile
thats because my mind has been clear since last saturday

I fucked a tranny that day
It was stressfull to be honest
I didn't know what to expect
I remember the moment when I knocked on the door..
and waited... very stressfull

she opened the door (yes SHE okay)
that wasnt a man dressed in girls clothes
It was a really beautiful and feminine transgender
I was happy

she had a girly voice and really soft skin and cute little breasts and for a moment I thought the might not be a transgender after all
I would never have known if it wasnt for the cock in her panties

she sucked my cock and I busted in less than a minute
I was way too horny that day
But it kinda took a moment for me to get hard cause of the stress

I tried to get hard again but couldnt so we talked for a few minutes

I sucked her cock after that but she couldnt get hard cause of the hormones

I managed to get hard and fucked her in the ass after that
but didnt feel much

I then dressed up, looked at her amazing body one last time and we kissed eachother on the cheeks and then I left

I thought from what I've read that some people felt like commiting suicide after having fucked a tranny but it felt amazing to me

feels weird to have sucked dick but hey
if you're afraid to suck a little dick, who the fag?
L0l






Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on September 14, 2019, 12:03:02 PM
It feels weird to like trannies
what do you tell your friends
oh I like dicks in my mouth but I'm not gay
right...

but its true
I'm not gay
I don't like men
I didnt even watch porn where there was a man in the video

But its hard for people to understand
even I thought I was gay at some point and googled are you gay if you like trannies
now I have a simple definition of whats gay
Its simple, if you see an attractive man, do you want to fuck him?
If no, you're not gay


I realized a week of reflection that a huge part of the addiction for me was curiosity
now that I've been with a tranny I'm less curious about them and I'm not as prone to relapse (I think)
or I could be wrong and I'm just in a flatline right now which is most likely the case

Its been 1 week since I fucked a shemale (feels weird writing this) and I havent jacked off since
I' m gunna start the counter back on from now just for fun
this is day 7
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on September 15, 2019, 09:54:36 AM
Day 8:
Sick and feeling shitty
left ear been hurting for 11 and a half months now
sucks

I'm still on the flatline and that's exactly what I need right now
when I'm gunna be on a small streak its gunna be harder for me to start watching it again

I feel depression creeping up as winter is coming
I hope I don't get as depressed as last year to the point of wanting to kill myself
If I do I'll power through that but its not fun

maybe I need to be able to live with myself before I find someone
If I need someone to be happy thats not good
and if I need porn to make me happy thats worse

This doesnt mean I wont try to find a girl
but I'm gunna try to live a good life alone