Reboot Nation

Journals => Ages 20-29 => Topic started by: username is not available on February 24, 2019, 12:23:09 AM

Title: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on February 24, 2019, 12:23:09 AM
*WARNING*
May contain triggers
Read at your own risks

I started watching porn when I was 6 years old and escalated to some pretty weird stuff since then.
In my early porn days I watched some solo and lesbian stuff then came a foot fetish and hairy girl fetish, and later on came beastiality and shemale porn

Last year I lasted 75 days no PMO then I MO'd once, then another time, then I went and looked for pictures of girls feet to jack off to
saying to myself that its not actually porn and I ended up coming back to my old habbits.
After awhile I didn't even give a shit anyway, I was (still am) a virgin and I'm not able to get a girlfriend anyway so why not jack off?

Theres something wrong in my head and I don't know how to fix it, I isolate myself I try to avoid people even though I want to connect with a girl so much

I'm sad, depressed and sexually frustrated, I feel like shit all the time and jacking off is the only time I feel good.
I'm so fucked I'm having trouble having an O even to shemale porn thats why its time to stop this

This is going to be hard but I need to change
I'm not even attracted to girls anymore
I'd rather suck a tranny dick and I'm not even gay
I'm digusted by myself and ashamed
I don't feel like a man

Its been 3 days since last PMO...

I'm gunna try to keep this journal updated so I can write instead of thinking about porn

If anyone read this, thanks for reading
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on February 25, 2019, 04:37:56 PM
Day 5

I'm not working today and tomorrow and I'm depressed and really bored...
I wanna jack off but I know I'll be bored the rest of the day anyway
At least I won't be angry at myself for relapsing

Last week I was on Craigslist and was looking for tranny hookups and I found one but I decided not to go through with it
I'm not sure I really wanna fuck a tranny in real life... From what I've read most trannys aren't like the ones you see on the internet
And I'm pretty sure I'm gunna feel disgusted after I sucked a dude's dick
 
The only thing that helped me cope with depression and suicidal thoughs (porn) is now gone I need to find some hobbies,
to do something with my days
I've been on antidepressant for a month but they dont seem to be working yet
fuck I'm bored and dead inside



Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Pete McVries on February 25, 2019, 05:27:24 PM
Let me tell you this, I've been rebooting for more than 3 years and I've seen quite a few guys with a tranny fetish. And everyone who tried out his fetish in real life utterly regretted it afterwards to the point of wanting to commit suicide. I don't wanna scare you, I just tell it how it is. So do yourself the favor, reboot, don't look back, and DON'T HOOK UP WITH A TRANNY.

p.s I don't discriminate trannies
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on February 26, 2019, 04:06:30 PM
Damn man, thanks for the advice, I didn't think you'd want to commit suicide after having fucked a tranny but I can imagine why.. Definitely will not seek a tranny now


Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on February 26, 2019, 04:32:46 PM
Day 6:

Since like 2 days ago my attraction to women is slowly coming back and I'm noticing them now
A girl came to eat at my job and I couldn't stop looking at her and she was always turning her head to look at me...

She was pretty cute but was only 15 so I couldn't really be with her.. anyway I would probably not have had the balls to ask her out
so maybe its a good thing she was underaged..

I tried to keep working but I just couldn't stop looking at her and thinking about her
I wasn't even really turned on but I just knew I wanted her
I felt good and bad at the same time it was weird

Today I woke up feeling pretty shitty but went to buy some bread and I feel better now




Last time I rebooted, the first week after no PMO felt pretty good but after it turned into 2 months of shitty withdrawals and I think today and tomorrow is the calm before the storm...

One thing I learned from my last reboot is that theres no half measures when it comes to quitting porn...
If you think you can allow yourself to watch only one genre of porn without escalating back to the stuff you used to watched there 99.9% chances you will fail and fall back into your old habbits, at least that what happened to me

I think I will allow myself to jack off at one point in my reboot (like after 60 to 90 days) but can't allow myself to have an image in front of me not matter what even if its a Sears magazine.

I hope I will be able to get a girlfriend soon after or during the reboot or I'm afraid I'll fall back into my addiction..


Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on February 27, 2019, 10:17:15 PM
Day 7:

Woke up feeling pretty shitty, had about half a morning wood but wasn't horny and I don't have any urges but my dick isn't completely dead yet..
Was depressed and had low energy but went on the treadmill and listened to Slayer pretty loud on my speaker then it felt really good after about 10 mins
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on February 28, 2019, 03:21:31 PM
Day 8:

I had porn flashbacks when I was laying in bed last night and this morning.. I had a hard on for a moment but didn't feel the need to watch porn and wasn't even horny thinking about it. I imagined if there would be a tranny in my bed I would want to suck her cock till she cums in my mouth...

Yeah.. I know how gay that sounds..
But when I think of a tranny I think of a girl with a dick, not a dude with tits, but its not how it is in real life.

When I first started watching tranny porn (like 6 years ago, I'm 21 btw), I looked up things like girls with dicks and stuff cause
I though they were different than crossdressers and femboys and I was disgusted at the though of watching dudes turned into girls
but after awhile i didn't even care anymore.

I'm attracted to feminity and if a guy can portray that, my mind just doesn't see the difference

 
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Pete McVries on February 28, 2019, 04:06:21 PM
"her cock" sorry mate, I had to chuckle for a second ;D. Hope the reboot goes well and this porn induced fetish fades to black. It will be there forever but hopefully your fetish can become dormant. Rooting for you!
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on March 01, 2019, 03:24:08 PM
Lol yeah I have to tell myself its a women cause the thought of sucking a dude's dick is disgusting

Thanks for the comments man
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on March 01, 2019, 03:43:06 PM
Day 9:

I don't know when I'll start to get horny again but it probably will be awhile cause I abused the FUCK out of porn these past few months

I'm still not sure if I will jack off without porn or give up jacking off completely but damn..
Its gunna be hard if I can't even jack off at all when I'm horny

If anyone knows whether or not its best to stop jacking off completely feel free to post a reply
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on March 02, 2019, 01:32:36 PM
Day 10:

I could feel a tiny bit horny this morning and at the same time I feel like my emotions are coming back and I'm actually starting to feel some things again

I took a walk listening to music in the sun and I haven't felt that good in a long time
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on March 03, 2019, 10:18:03 PM
Day 11:

Had a 3 min morning wood this morning but was not horny, I haven't though about fucking shemales since 2 days ago which is good and I'm noticing girls more and more

I feel sad for no reason and I'm depressed.
I'm empty inside, unlike my balls

I don't know if the porn caused things that are fucked in my head or its just me but I'd like to know

It seems that I just can't connect with people and that I feel no emotions
I hope the reboot will fix some of those things otherwise fuck
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on March 06, 2019, 02:31:47 PM
Day 14:

I had a dream where I watched porn and thought I relapsed..
I didn't even enjoy it cause my dick is dead and has been dead for awhile except for the occasional morning wood

I think I've been on a flatline since before I stopped watching porn
I can't remember the last time I've actually been horny

I saw an attractive naked girl on a TV show last night for like 30 seconds and only got a semi about 20 seconds in

Actually I think the flatline is good cause it makes it easy for me not to watch porn






 
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Tempted on March 07, 2019, 08:52:56 AM
Hi, I want to wish you great success with your reboot I am struggling through it myself recently.
Because you talked so much about "trannys" and not wanting to "suck of a man" I wanted to talk about something that was hurting my reboot until recently.

I really had to learn to divoce my sexuality from pornography (I am bisexual), porn was really hurting my way of thinking about what I really like and what I do not like.
One thing, it is not something to be ashamed of maybe liking girls with dicks, or being with a man sexually, as long as it is something you are honestly into.
All I want to say is, dont necessarily think about transexuals, or sex with man as something that made you "dirty" in some way because it did not.

But probably from what you are saying you would probably define yourself as a heterosexual male. So maybe porn just made you deviate from what you normally find pleasureable, this does not mean you are a degenerate or something now. But this might mean you just went too far away from what you would like without porn and thats why you feel so bad.

I hope I made sense, tell me if I didnt.
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on March 07, 2019, 04:13:38 PM
Yeah I got to the point where I'm not even attracted to beautiful women anymore
I mean I still think they're hot but my body just doesn't respond and I know its my fault and I fucked up

I'm comfortable of talking about fetishes I have like foot fetish and even bestiality
But shemales are actually dudes and the fact that I'd rather fuck a dude dressed as a girl than a girl is fucked

What hurts the most is when I talk to a beautiful girl and I'm emotionally and sexually detached from her because
I watch shemale porn

It makes me wanna kill myself and so ashamed...

Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on March 07, 2019, 04:33:04 PM
Day 15:

Had some very dark thoughts last night but this morning my dick felt a little more alive and I felt really good
Its weird but it looks like I'm feeling what my dick is feeling

I woke up, had a good chest workout then went for a 50 min walk outside listening to music and I felt better than usual


I think I forgot to take my Venlafaxine the last 2 days and it doesn't seem to have made a difference
I'm gunna stop taking it completely and see how it goes cause I think it affects sex drive

I don't wanna be on medication if I don't need to

Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on March 08, 2019, 12:53:43 PM
Day 16:

Had my first wet dream but didn't cum so idk if you call that a wet dream
Woke up to the sound of my little brother's girlfriend moaning really loud
If there was no laws I would have walked downstairs, took a rope and strangled him to death
But I didn't really do anything except cry for like 3 mins

I'm gunna leave and go move to Alberta pretty soon if I get the job there
Hopefully I won't see anyone I know for at least a year after that
I've got friends here but I really don't give a shit if I ever see them again
I just wanna feel better

I feel so much pain and sadness
Its so fucking deep that when I cry I just can't get it all out even after crying for 20 minutes
I think I must have buried that sadness and sexual frustration for so many years using porn

I have so much time by myself to think about thoughts that fuck me
Yesterday I felt so good and had hope but not right now
I'm not even horny and the sexual frustration is that bad I can't imagine in 3 weeks...
fuck
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Pete McVries on March 08, 2019, 02:56:20 PM
All I can say is be patient and trust the process. Of course, everything that reminds you of sex, like the sound of your brother's gf is extremely annoying but try to reframe it. I mean, I don't know how your relationship is with your brother, but be happy that he didn't develop the same problems like you did.

Stay focused!
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on March 09, 2019, 01:42:53 PM
I haven't talked to my brother since 2018 and even then it was like once every couple months, never liked him and probably never will, I'd de happy if he could just die to be honest. I don't hate anybody else in my life its just him and believe me I tried to get along with him so many times but it doesn't work.
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on March 09, 2019, 02:02:12 PM
Day 17:

Got a morning wood that lasted like 15 mins and I'm feeling so fucking goood
I think I'm so connected with my dick that all those years I was depressed were cause my dick was depressed

I realized that my depression has been directly proportional to my porn use
The more porn I use, the more my dick get numb, and the more I get numb and depressed

I've been so stupid but at least now I know
I can't fucking believe how blinded I was by my porn use
Even when I rebooted last time and got better I relapsed and still kept watching it




I'm starting to feel everything again
Emotions and shit
Beginning to feel less like a brain dead fucking porn junkie

Fuck I got hope now





I'm gunna try to stop being a little whining bitch from now on and appreciate what I got
I have a nice dick that works and that's all I can ask for








Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on March 10, 2019, 12:44:37 PM
Day 18:

I jacked off a little in bed this morning but didn't cum.
I regret doing it but I didn't really set any ground rule for my reboot except for not looking at porn

My reboot has been going pretty well but its gunna require some effort from now on
I will try not to jerk off at least till I have my first wet dream then I will see from there

I'll probably allow myself to jerk off once a week without porn when the urge comes naturally
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on March 11, 2019, 04:58:48 PM
Day 19:

Went to a massage and I had some precum going on
Not sure if I was gunna bust at nut at some point but I didn't
Felt so good I had to give her 30 bucks of tip

I don't really have any urges to jerk off but I'm horny sometimes
Me and my cock are feeling alive again
Feels good
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on March 12, 2019, 03:51:20 PM
Day 20:

Didn't have a morning wood this morning which is weird
My dick is feeling dead
I think it has to do with what happened yesterday
I feel like I got set back in my reboot a little but its alright













Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on March 13, 2019, 11:12:34 PM
Day 21:

Had a headache due to Venlafaxine withdrawals in the morning
I scratched my car against my brother's girlfriend's car and left big marks
Someone at work burned me pretty bad with a hot spatula for no reason
But damn it was a good day

There's a new girl at work she's cute
It was so hard to work I just kept thinking about her and still am right now
I always wanted to have her near me and kept talking to her
I just wanna kiss her, hold her tight and eat her pussy


I'm not thinking about shemales anymore and when I do I think its a little weird and I'm not turned on
I just want a connection with a girl even if its not sexual

My dick/libido is doing pretty well
Also not related but I just trimmed my beard that I haven't touched in over 7 months and I'm looking less homeless



Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on March 16, 2019, 09:23:52 PM
Day 24:

Last night was so fucked up I asked the girl at work if she wanted to go smoke a joint after work and I did but then I asked
her if I could kiss her and she said yes but it was really awkward and she wasn't really enjoying it and me neither...
I even asked her if she wanted to fuck but idk what she answered but she told me she thought I was cute

I don't even smoke weed anymore cause it makes me wanna kill myself but I knew she smoked so I used that to try to fuck her (that was my coworker's idea that i regret now)

Also she's only 15 and I felt so fucking bad afterwards that I stayed high in my car and cried for 1 hour
I was so high yesterday that I was hungover all day today and wanted to kill myself still

I wasn't even horny and I asked her if she wanted to fuck... wtf is wrong with me

I told her everything about my porn addiction and the fact that I'm depressed and I've been suicidial and I take antidepressant and even texted her that I cried for 1 hour in my car after she left I'm so fucked up FUCK
She didn't respond and must feel awkward as fuck.

I'm gunna see her at work in a couple days I don't know what I should say about this whole thing but fuck me I feel so bad ashamed and fucked up I wanna kill myself everytime I think about this and I don't know if this is my mind fucking with me or I must really feel that way but fuck I'm gunna stop writing right now cause probably no one is going to read this shit till the end anyway.




Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Pete McVries on March 16, 2019, 09:50:51 PM
Oh, that's a very piquant situation. My immediate reaction: Stay away from all drugs, nothing good will come of it. You acted out in a weird way and maybe did some things you regret by now.

Stop wooing the girl, she is underage and that may be even culpable depending on which country you are living in.

If you feel the need to vent about all your problems, don't do it with some obscure girl. Vent here, confide your best friend, talk to your father, whatever but you don't know the intentions of that chick. I really hope that your actions won't backfire!

And lastly, don't kill yourself. Even if she is going to embarrass you in front of your co-workers. You can always find new work elsewhere, change cities, even change countries and so on and so forth, it won't be the end of the world if it comes down to it.

Sending you some strength!
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Quitforeverthenwin on March 17, 2019, 12:43:58 AM
Sorry to hear about the recent struggles man.

Hell, as far as this girl. You went for it IN THE REAL WORLD. So good for you. Sure, it sounds like it ended badly but, the real world does not always go the way we want it to, you've gotta fuck up and learn from your experiences.

A few recommendations:
1) Be motivated by things OTHER then having a girlfriend, this is BIG BIG BIG. When a girlfriend is my main motivation when I feel I have no prospects it is very triggering. What other benefits will you have by quitting porn? What other negatives will you avoid?

2) Stop saying/writing you want to kill yourself. (This is a recommendation as I think it'll help, not telling you what you can and can not write in your journal). What you say over and over really goes into your head. I've done a lot of research on this, our language matters. If I say to myself "this is a disaster, this is awful" I will worse then if I say "this is annoying, this is going to be a hard week". Now I am sure what you are going through is more extreme than that but maybe try instead of "I want to kill myself" ----> "Man this is the shittiest day I have ever had!" Still pretty extreme, but it likely would be beneficial to break the habit of telling yourself you want to kill yourself....

3) As the above post said NEVER act on your fetish in person. It'll fuck you up for years... seriously it's not a real desire you have, that's just the addiction escalating to a much much much worse place.

4) HIS dick lol. Sorry bud if it's got a dick it's a he. It's okay man, you have a nasty porn induced fetish, I do too. This is not what you are really into. But recognizing reality (porn has you fantasizing about sucking duded dicks) and not living in porn fantasy land (her dick). Will help to motivate you to cut that shit out of your life AND it gives you clarity.

Good job on the date man! You are going through crazy withdrawals, having things go wrong is to be expected. I literally fucked up bad with a girl last night cause of my cravings.... it ended up not nearly as bad as I thought! You could wait a few days and calmly plan to smooth things over. I mean in 24 days you kissed a girl, thats pretty good..... I mean how long did you spend watching porn? In like 2% of that time you are kissing a girl.
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Daaaa12 on March 18, 2019, 12:58:54 AM
Hi, first of all I want to say that I’m from Argentina so don't be scared from my mistakes writing this please.
I had read all comments of this section and I'm passing through the same shit and I really need help cause I'm being a shit with myself and with other people, I think I'm so depressed that I want to be all the time alone. I’m being rude with my mom and it's hurting me so bad, I don't want to be that shit...

First of all I started watching porn I think at 8/9 years, when I was like 14 I started having problems with my dick, I had phimosis, so I couldn't had sex but I could watch porn and jerk off, so I was jerking me everyday watching porn to stop my sexual anxiety. I'm a quite shy with all things in my life and I didn't said to my parents that problem I was having... I had relationships with girls, I wanted to fuck them but I wasn't able because of that, It really hurt... When I was 18 one friend send a fucking video of a shemale, first you could see the upper body, the tits and his face was covered with his hair so I got excited but at the final of the video it shows his dick and I felt a little disgusting but still excited, so idk why I went to the bathroom and start jerking me with this shit... after that I became a tranny addict, I stopped watching straight porn because it doesn't excited me until nowadays, it didn't affected my sexuality, I’m straight and I had girlfriends and always attracted to girls... When I was 19 I got the balls to tell my parents and asap they noticed they took me to the urologist and I had a circumsision, the first weeks of rest were hard and painful, when I was able I started jerking off again watching shemale porn, At my 20 day of rest a girl that I was dating invited me to have sex, I was a little nervous because I was virgin and I still had two or three points from the circumcision but we had sex normally and we both enjoy it and I cum with no problem.
Two weeks later I wanted to had sex so I called a girl that I really didn’t like but I wanted to fuck. So she came to my house, we both got naked but I wasn't excited, I hadn't an erection, she started doing me a blowjob but it didn't work, so we didn't have sex. After she left I went to the bathroom and I jerk off again with shemale porn. Since that day my whole life fucked up...
I was afraid to have sex with girls because I thought it will happen again that my dick can't have an erection... I had a lot of opportunities of having sex but always I’d avoid that. When I’m kissing with a girl I get excited and got erections if I don't think about sex but when that thoughts comes I'm to focused of tying to get an erection that my dick doesn't respond. I started to avoid seeing myself with girls for fear they want to have sex.

Now I'm 21, a few months ago I started chatting with a beautiful girl, she is blonde got green eyes, big tits and nice ass, the most important thing is that she isn't childish. Last week we meet up, We had some beers, we started kissing and we went to my car... When we were kissing she told me to go to the back seats to be more confortable, so we go and she sat on top of me and I started thinking of having sex, I got nervous and I started to sweat a lot, so I sat her by my side and told her what my problem was (without telling the shemale porn addiction) She understood me and said that she will help me and that calm me down a lot, after that I started having an erection that lasted about an hour or more meanwhile we were kissing and she was touching and jerking me off, I feel I could cum but I didn't want to get dirty so I stopped her. When I arrived to my house she insisted me to jerk off, she send me some pics and I was very excited with her pics that I recorded me masturbating and cumming and sent that video to her (I couldn't stop thinking of fucking her so hard  and eating her pussy) she was very happy and so was I. She proposed me to go to her house but we couldn't meet yet, in these days she will surely tell me to go and I do not intend to miss the opportunity.

It has been about a month ago that I stopped watching shemale porn, and when I want to masturbate I watch straight porn and I get excited.
I really want to stop this, I don't want to watch more shemale porn, I want to have a normal life, I don't want to fuck all up this time, I really need help, I'm afraid.

Sorry for writing so much but it is like a release and while I was writing it I was releasing tensions and now I feel better. Thanks to those who read me and understand how I feel. I do not want to give up I'm going to overcome it, I'm tired of this shitty life.

If someone wants to chat and talk about it, it would help me a lot and I would be very gratefull, I'm ashamed to share my real name but I could create a false account in a social network to talk about, Now its too late in my country and I'm tired so I'm going to sleep, but please, leave me a comment! Thanks again and be strong
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on March 18, 2019, 03:21:01 PM
Day 26:

I have no libido and Venlafaxine withdrawals are making me a lil fucked up but I'm good
I'm eating soup right now and its sooo good
Its been 60+ hours since I've eaten anything
I loss my appetite completely so I decided to do a water fast and I think it did some good

Man I remember why I don't smoke weed or drink beer now it fucks me up
From now on there's gunna be no weed, no alcohol and no porn for me

I'm still feeling shitty about what happened with the girl at work..
She doesnt want to work with me anymore Lol
I don't wanna see her anymore too
I can't stop thinking about what happened and feeling bad I gotta forget about it

At least we didn't fuck cause she could use that to send me to fucking prison
Damn thinking about not going to prison makes me happy I fucked up with her

I need to give less control to my dick, I'm thinking with the wrong head

Other than that the reboot and life in general is doing pretty good
I have hope for the future and I'm probably moving to Alberta if I get the job there
Should be pretty cool




Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Quitforeverthenwin on March 18, 2019, 10:34:51 PM
Day 26:

I have no libido and Venlafaxine withdrawals are making me a lil fucked up but I'm good
I'm eating soup right now and its sooo good
Its been 60+ hours since I've eaten anything
I loss my appetite completely so I decided to do a water fast and I think it did some good

Man I remember why I don't smoke weed or drink beer now it fucks me up
From now on there's gunna be no weed, no alcohol and no porn for me

I'm still feeling shitty about what happened with the girl at work..
She doesnt want to work with me anymore Lol
I don't wanna see her anymore too
I can't stop thinking about what happened and feeling bad I gotta forget about it

At least we didn't fuck cause she could use that to send me to fucking prison
Damn thinking about not going to prison makes me happy I fucked up with her

I need to give less control to my dick, I'm thinking with the wrong head

Other than that the reboot and life in general is doing pretty good
I have hope for the future and I'm probably moving to Alberta if I get the job there
Should be pretty cool



Man didn't realize she is underage. THANK GOD this happened and nothing went further, this is a shitty situation that will pass. Going to jail for underage sex ruins your entire life, can't really come back from that (dudes get the shit kicked out of them and worse who go to jail for that seriously)

Also dude, great job on keeping it up and staying porn free. You are seriously tough, for real. You are going through a ton of shit and still pushing through and moving forward that is awesome and inspiring, just keep it up.... if you can handle things like you have been you can get rid of this shitty addiction and if you do that, I am sure you can more awesome things in the future in your life, this is just the first step.
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on March 19, 2019, 06:51:47 PM
Thanks everyone for the nice comments I wasn't expecting this
Sorry I didn't read them sooner I didn't know we were at page number 2 I'm dumb Lol




Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on March 19, 2019, 07:23:36 PM
Day 27:

Feeling alright
I think I'm having the last side effects of Venlafaxine and I just threw the bottle away it felt good
I'm a little bit tired and feeling some darkness a bit but overall my mind is way clearer than before

Yesterday I was feeling shameful about what happened with the girl so I typed:
What is the most shameful thing that you have ever done? on Google
I ended up reading a bunch of shit on Quora
One of the shameful thing someone had done was having sex with shemales
But he said he enjoyed it

Then I got curious and started searching for other people's experience with shemales and one story turned me on
I ended up going on Craigslist to see if there was shemale ads...
I wasn't planning on actually finding a shemale but I was curious if I'd find attractive ones
Anyway last night I asked myself if I'd enjoy it and wasn't sure what to think

Man if I feel that ashamed about having kissed that under-aged girl I can't even think whats gunna go through my mind when Ima be heading home with the taste of a dude's dick in my mouth
Or will I be okay with it? I don't know
I'll probably wanna die and call myself a cock sucking faggot everyday for the next month though..
Noo thanks


I got work tomorrow and guess who's gunna be there..
Fuuck me this is gunna be so awkward hahah



Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Pete McVries on March 19, 2019, 10:15:14 PM
Was your attraction to shemales there before you were exposed to P or has P caused it? If it's a P induced fetish then acting out will never make you happy or fulfill you. You will open a door to a dark hole you normally would have stayed the fuck away from because all your spidy senses would tingle and you know that once you enter that entrance, you'll come back a different man. Not in a good way. You will able to flush the taste of MALE cock away but, you know, the mental damage will be there for life. It has the possibilty to eat you away completely. Be very wary about it.

I have a p induced fetish myself and it is a lot more harmless than yours but during my P days I always dreamed of including it into my sex life. And while this fetish will always be my go to fetish when it comes to P, I know that I won't include it into my healthy sex life that I'm trying to build at the moment. You gotta distinguish between actual healthy sex, communicating in the most intimate way possible with another sentient being, and porn induced fetishes that are nothing more than extreme fantasies that work because they lead to a huge release of dopamine.

Some people claim that fetishes will vanish but I don't think so. Instead, you gotta put that mother f*cker on a leash and teach it some manners so that it'll only bark once in a while and shuts the fuck up when you tell it to do so.

You got this!
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Quitforeverthenwin on March 20, 2019, 12:09:58 PM
I can very much relate to this post.

I would google something like this on the internet and eventually it would lead to a trigger or lead to me "just looking" at some ads for me to partake in some of my porn induced fetishes. Over time I came to realize that this, for me at least, was just me basically engaging in my addiction.

For me personally I consider looking at classified ads etc.  as the same or even worse then the porn. What happened to me was, I cut out porn and masturbation but then I started to find a new release by looking at classified ads and fantasizing about them. That was a far worse compulsion then the porn even. It started with looking at them, then contacting them as part of the fantasy/ getting off. I am ashamed to say I did actually act on my fetish once and it was a huge mistake. It was not quite as bad as shemale but it took me years to get over...... so in my experience looking at ads was something I highly regret, was worse even than porn and acting on my porn induced fetish was horrible horrible horrible.

I was lucky enough to spend some time documenting the escalation of my porn induced fetishes and it quite clearly was not natural, but something that escalated due to porn, as things that disgusted me before become irresistible.


Day 27:

Feeling alright
I think I'm having the last side effects of Venlafaxine and I just threw the bottle away it felt good
I'm a little bit tired and feeling some darkness a bit but overall my mind is way clearer than before

Yesterday I was feeling shameful about what happened with the girl so I typed:
What is the most shameful thing that you have ever done? on Google
I ended up reading a bunch of shit on Quora
One of the shameful thing someone had done was having sex with shemales
But he said he enjoyed it

Then I got curious and started searching for other people's experience with shemales and one story turned me on
I ended up going on Craigslist to see if there was shemale ads...
I wasn't planning on actually finding a shemale but I was curious if I'd find attractive ones
Anyway last night I asked myself if I'd enjoy it and wasn't sure what to think

Man if I feel that ashamed about having kissed that under-aged girl I can't even think whats gunna go through my mind when Ima be heading home with the taste of a dude's dick in my mouth
Or will I be okay with it? I don't know
I'll probably wanna die and call myself a cock sucking faggot everyday for the next month though..
Noo thanks


I got work tomorrow and guess who's gunna be there..
Fuuck me this is gunna be so awkward hahah
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on March 20, 2019, 10:24:13 PM
I used to find trannys disgusting but once I got bored of pretty much every porn genres I stumbled upon girls with dicks in cartoons and watched that for awhile, then it was girls with fake dicks, then girls with dicks
I used to search girl with dicks on the internet but never trannys or shemale cause that was digusting to me
But after a few years I was searching things like femboys and crossdresser and didn't even give a shit anymore
I got to the point when I wasn't even ashamed to leave my computer on and not clear my history


Girls with dicks and boy with tits were a completely different thing in my head and I rationalized by thinking
it was still a girl she just got a dick attached... but thinking of a girl with a dead dude's dick attacked was worse so idk what I was thinking at that time

Anyway... I think I like shemales because porn is like a drug and I watch it to get a bigger and bigger dopamine hit
I don't even give a fuck if its gay I just want my kick cause I'm a porn junkie

I need to see girls as humans and not a piece of meat for me to stick my dick in but thats hard
Cause I think porn and drugs fucked with my emotions

I wanna find something in life that will give me pleasure... I'm lost without porn or girls nothing fulfills me
I want to feel alive somehow





Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on March 20, 2019, 10:39:07 PM
Day 28:

Didn't see the girl at work today, she was at a funeral... damn I already feel bad about what I did to her what now?
I was so relieved she wasn't here today but she should be here tomorrow
I will apologize again to her

People at work asked me why that girl didn't wanna work with me anymore
At first I didn't say much but I ended up explained everything so now everyone knows...
My coworkers teased me all day about that girl, even in front of clients and my boss who has a 15 yr old daughter
It didn't affect me that much to be honest, I don't really give a shit at this point

Other than that I didn't get an email since my interview for my job in Alberta so I'm not really optimist about that but its okay I'll just get another job somewhere else in Alberta if they don't contact me back




Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Quitforeverthenwin on March 20, 2019, 10:53:34 PM
That is great that you are aware of the escalation. Aim to keep that in mind.

Our male brains are designed to mate with a given female a few times and then stop and do other things. (She should be pregnant by now or she is sterile). If a new female comes our brain will find a way for us to mate/cum ever more. This keeps going and going, NEW females are the key, NOVELTY. When our brain sees a novel sexual situation it thinks, more opportunities to pass on my genes! In the case of porn, we see 1000s of females, so eventually that is no longer novel, and thats where fetishes come in, we need more or more shocking and odd fetishes to make our brain react and believe we are mating or passing on our genes in some new sexual situation.

With drugs, you need more drugs to get high. With porn we need different, more shocking odder porn to get "high". So imo the odd fetishes we get are just the progression of the addiction and don't mean anything about us as people, just that oh shit we have a bad addiction and have to handle this shit!

I am not fully healed yet, but I have made HUUUGGEE progress over the years. Trust me there is a ton of cool shit to do in life once we get over addictions.

Learning an insturment
Giving a speech that helps people
Jet skiing
Snowboarding
Reading
Becoming an awesome dancer
Learn to box and compete in an amateur match
When you have your shit together move to your dream city.


As an example from my own life, I learned a language to a pretty high level, go swimming and jogging all the time and am learning to dance.

I never would have been able a few years ago when my addiction was at it's worth, but my habits are pretty good and I got my life together enough that I moved to my favorite city and have a nice pool in my building.

I wanted some excitement, before I might have gotten that from calling sex workers. But I went to my pool, with lights off outside of the pool (I live in the tropics which I love : ) and the lights underwater in the pool on. There is a little elevated platform and I dived over and over into the pool and glided through the water with the lights around me, I felt like I was flying.... Now THAT was exciting.

I never would be in this position if I hadn't really improved my habits and self. Trust me it is WAAAYYY better than porn and I presume drugs.

It may take work though, when we're deep in the addiction, our brains are fried. Our brain just isn't processing dopamine and serotonin the way it is supposed to, so it may be necessary to force ourselves to do these "fun" activities and not really enjoy them but in a few months they will become super awesome, as our brains heal.

Plus whats the alternative? For me it would be like idk. having my brain fucked and no discipline from the addiction spending every penny I had on sex workers and being literally homeless, maybe in jail. That sucks pretty damn bad lol.


Just saw you posted again: Keep your chin up! No doubt it sounds like a rough situation, remember you've got the support here at the forum! You have anything (healthy) you like to do? A nice book? Watch comedy? In a way, it's hard but you could look at this shitty situation as an opportunity as a way for you to learn to handle shitty situations in a healthier way. Finding activities to take your mind of it, but ones that are healthy or at least not harmful. As rough as the situation is, sounds like you are handling it well.

I used to find trannys disgusting but once I got bored of pretty much every porn genres I stumbled upon girls with dicks in cartoons and watched that for awhile, then it was girls with fake dicks, then girls with dicks
I used to search girl with dicks on the internet but never trannys or shemale cause that was digusting to me
But after a few years I was searching things like femboys and crossdresser and didn't even give a shit anymore
I got to the point when I wasn't even ashamed to leave my computer on and not clear my history


Girls with dicks and boy with tits were a completely different thing in my head and I rationalized by thinking
it was still a girl she just got a dick attached... but thinking of a girl with a dead dude's dick attacked was worse so idk what I was thinking at that time

Anyway... I think I like shemales because porn is like a drug and I watch it to get a bigger and bigger dopamine hit
I don't even give a fuck if its gay I just want my kick cause I'm a porn junkie

I need to see girls as humans and not a piece of meat for me to stick my dick in but thats hard
Cause I think porn and drugs fucked with my emotions

I wanna find something in life that will give me pleasure... I'm lost without porn or girls nothing fulfills me
I want to feel alive somehow

I used to find trannys disgusting but once I got bored of pretty much every porn genres I stumbled upon girls with dicks in cartoons and watched that for awhile, then it was girls with fake dicks, then girls with dicks
I used to search girl with dicks on the internet but never trannys or shemale cause that was digusting to me
But after a few years I was searching things like femboys and crossdresser and didn't even give a shit anymore
I got to the point when I wasn't even ashamed to leave my computer on and not clear my history


Girls with dicks and boy with tits were a completely different thing in my head and I rationalized by thinking
it was still a girl she just got a dick attached... but thinking of a girl with a dead dude's dick attacked was worse so idk what I was thinking at that time

Anyway... I think I like shemales because porn is like a drug and I watch it to get a bigger and bigger dopamine hit
I don't even give a fuck if its gay I just want my kick cause I'm a porn junkie

I need to see girls as humans and not a piece of meat for me to stick my dick in but thats hard
Cause I think porn and drugs fucked with my emotions

I wanna find something in life that will give me pleasure... I'm lost without porn or girls nothing fulfills me
I want to feel alive somehow
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on March 21, 2019, 09:04:13 PM
Yeah its pretty much smooth sailing right now I'm feeling good to be honest
The hard part was when I was depressed and suicidal a few weeks ago before I stopped watching porn
I also had chronic eardrum pain since October and its almost all gone now so just being pain free feels good
Also summer is coming and I'm moving to a beautiful place so I got things to look forward to
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on March 21, 2019, 09:18:49 PM
Day 29:

This morning I felt like shit probably cause I ate alot of Mcdonalds last night
I need to stop going there and get my diet on point
My libido sucks and I have no morning woods these days
But I don't really give a shit about that to be honest
I don't wanna have to control myself from jacking off right now anyway

I went to my job and my coworker told me that the girl I tried to fuck just quit
I felt a bit bad about it cause I knew it was my fault but quickly became relieved that I'll never have to see that bitch again






Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: pruthukkc on March 22, 2019, 12:59:21 PM
Calm down brother don't hate yourself there is nothing gonna change if you hate yourself. The girl you are thinking about is not last girl in this planet :)keep searching and also try to share you problems.
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Quitforeverthenwin on March 22, 2019, 11:01:18 PM
Keep it going man. At least you don't have to see the girl again. I am having some withdrawals too and made some errors with people as well, but I am just thinking. You know no one's perfect. Things got real awkward with that girl, she left the job so you don't have to deal with it which is nice and she was real young right? Not like she gave up her dream career, so no harm no foul...

Good diet can be good but man you are cutting out the drugs and the pmo, that is HUGE.
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on March 23, 2019, 09:04:17 PM
Day 31:

Family woke me up near like 11 am with the noise of the juice maker I was like fuuuck that
Everyone was there talking, being social and shit
I got out of bed feeling like an old piece off dick and got the fuck out of there as quick as I could
Went for a 50 min walk and when I got back I was feeling better

Went to work and people on the road pissed me off
I used to be angry all the time and do alot of road rage a destroy shit at my house but not anymore
Yesterday I was very cold with clients at work and didn't give a fuck
Today I was pretty pissed
Maybe tomorrow I'll be happy

I saw a pretty girl at work but didn't give a shit about her
I have no interest in women at all right now which is a bit fucked up I don't know why


Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on March 26, 2019, 09:25:28 PM
Day 34:

Feeling pretty good and stronger mentally and physically
I always feel good when I get out of work
Its like I actually did something with myself

I ran on the threadmill this morning then went for a 50 min walk/run
It felt really good but then I kinda crashed down and felt shitty but then going to work made me feel better

Its so fucked up that only about 2 months ago I was depressed and wanted to actually commit suicide
But now my mind is clear and I'm all good
I still can't believe porn can do this to a man...
If that's actually true that mean porn must have killed people by suicide

Man I've had some good time jacking off to trannys I can't say I haven't
But now I'd rather feel good 99% of the time than the 1% I feel when I bust a nut and feel like shit the rest of the time
It just ain't worth it


The reboot is going good, I've had no real urges yet
Thing are easy for me right now but things are gunna get hard soon
Litterally

Its the calm before the fucking shitstorm boys
If you're rebooting I wish you STRENGTH






 
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Quitforeverthenwin on March 26, 2019, 10:04:15 PM
Man, awesome you are feeling good! Keep up the good work, crazy how doing the right stuff can change how you feel so quick.... I remember a few weeks ago it was rough. In my opinion it is good that you know that things will get hard again, it's good to enjoy the good time but also be mentally prepared and not taken off guard when a tougher time comes.
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on March 27, 2019, 09:09:58 PM
Yeah doing the wrong stuff can change how you feel real quick too...
I fucked up a bit today and straight piped my car even though I knew my chronic eardrum pain I've had for months was not healed completely
And now it hurts again

I was so fucking pissed this morning after I realized I fucked up
I'm dumb
I wanted to hear that sweet V8 sound real bad but it wasn't worth it
That's like I said last post that 1% is the good it felt and 99% is the pain that comes afterwards

It doesn't hurt that much anymore but I could really have fucked up my eardrum for months
Thank god it wasn't that bad hopefully tomorrow its not worse...

Overall good day other than that
I gotta watch myself before doing dumb shit
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Quitforeverthenwin on March 27, 2019, 11:03:00 PM
Not sure what piqued means, making a cool sound with the car I guess?

I wouldn't be too hard on myself if I were you! That doesn't sound too bad. We're always gonna do some dumb shit from time to time, so long as the big stuff is good it's okay. Keep up the good work!
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on March 28, 2019, 12:54:14 PM
Day 36:

I had a dream where I was dreaming about shemales then woke up, jerked off and jizzed in my bed
Then I woke up for real and thought I relapsed
I looked down under my sheets and everything was dry

I just went for a walk while listening to music and I was feeling like shit
I saw an old blind man walking to his house and realize I'm pretty lucky to be healthy and have no real handicap

We sometimes think everyone else is happy but there's so much people's lives that are fucked
People live in hospitals, in prison, in wheelchairs...

Lots of people have it real fucking bad
Most of us still have the chance and the time to fight our problems and addictions





 
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Quitforeverthenwin on March 28, 2019, 03:21:54 PM
Good point, things could be so so much worse.

Honestly I think dreams like that are good. I find them motivating. It's like a nightmare, but it's a good kind of nightmare imo. Like the fact that it is something we badly want to avoid.
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on March 29, 2019, 09:04:28 PM
Day 37:

Pretty good day
Hear back from my interview in Alberta  and I got the job so I'm moving there soon

Still on a flatline since day 1 but I'm ok with it
I'm feeling pretty tired and shitty these last few days but it really aint that bad I just wonder why
I'm more able to focus at work and I work a lil faster than before cause I'm less depressed
I dreamed about porn again last night
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Quitforeverthenwin on March 29, 2019, 10:10:21 PM
Congrats on the job!

Sounds like your moving in the right direction on your recovery.
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on March 30, 2019, 09:03:12 PM
Thanks man
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on March 30, 2019, 09:18:12 PM
Day 38:

Just got off work and I was fucking angry
Almost everyone pissed me off today all I could do was scream as loud as I can in my car and try not to murder someone
Fuck this

I haven't been angry in a long fucking time
And I think porn was numbing all this shit
I think I'll just be more and more angry from now on
I used to be angry all the time before

I can't help it I just wanna kill somebody
Even when I scream or destroy shit it helps a little but it always come back
It builds up till I can't take it anymore and I fucking loose it

Last summer I'd be in my basement weight training and listening to really loud death metal
while screaming for like 45 mins to get all the anger out
I'd do that once a week and I was not feeling angry the rest of the week
I'm probably gunna have to so something like that pretty soon
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Quitforeverthenwin on March 31, 2019, 05:08:41 PM
Yeah, intense physical exercise is the way to go imo. Weight lifting is good, running can be good too. This morning after meditating I was really riled up, I went for a run and lifted after. Felt soo much better after.
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on March 31, 2019, 09:10:41 PM
Day 39:

Shitty morning but the day ended up being alright
I'm not working tomorrow so that's good

Yesterday I saw a Death Race movie and there was alot of nudity but I didn't get hard
I'm still on a flatline, I wonder how long its gunna last
I'm not really thinking about sex at all since I stopped PMO
But I really wanna get my libido back

I miss being attracted to women and horny for them
And at the same time I don't cause I'm not thinking about sex all the time
I hated being sexually frustrated every time I saw a sexy girl
It was hurting me real fucking deep like nothing else tbh





Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Quitforeverthenwin on April 01, 2019, 12:29:35 AM
Enjoy the flatline bro! It's almost like free days added to your reboot. You can put your mind on other things, hobbies etc.
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on April 01, 2019, 06:49:02 PM
Yeah I'm lucky to be on a flatline or else I think I'd have relapse this morning...
I was on a youtube live chat yesterday I was talking to this hot girl and she said something that turned me on
This morning I was in bed and started thinking about her and fantasizing and stuff and I tried to jack off but didn't feel much
Its so easy to jack off when you're already in bed I'll need to watch out for that
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on April 01, 2019, 07:05:53 PM
Day 40:

Not sure what the definition of a flatline is anymore
Don't really care but I think I'm still in it
I don't know if I'll jack off when I get off the flatline I want to so bad but don't know if I should
What's 99.9% sure is I won't watch porn ever again, that's the main goal



I did a nice chest workout today it felt good
I'm starting to gain some real good gains

Changed my oil and realized my steering rack is fucked
Ordered a new one today it should be here tomorrow morning
I need to fix it tomorrow cause I work the day after...
I think its gunna be a pain in the ass and I'll fuck things up but Ima try anyway


Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on April 02, 2019, 11:44:27 PM
Day 41:

Busy day, didn't have time to think about anything but fixing my car
Its day like these I need to keep my mind off sexual thoughts

I thought about if I was still attracted to trannies but I'm not sure
The idea of sucking off a dude who's now a girl is kinda creepy
I actually would like a relationship soon and I don't think a tranny will do
I miss the way I looked at women when I was still very attracted to them

Its not just about sex too, I want to see women differently from sex objects
I'm still very isolated and disconnected.. I gotta come back to reality or howeverthefuck normal people live

 
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Pete McVries on April 03, 2019, 04:14:07 AM
41 days in, that's huge. Keep going your path and your tastes will return back to vanilla more and more. What I have noticed is that If I was to relapse, I would still go back to my P fetish but when I think about being intimate with women, my fetish isn't involved at all which is a good sign, I think.
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Quitforeverthenwin on April 04, 2019, 05:18:52 PM
Congrats bro keep it up! I'd steer clear of the youtube chat stuff and probably of the jacking off for awhile too.... Your brain is healing and the fetish is fading which is awesome! So, why not keep things moving that way as quick as possible?   
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on April 04, 2019, 09:28:14 PM
Yeah I wanna keep things moving as quick as possible but also make this a way of life that's sustainable long term
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on April 04, 2019, 09:40:53 PM
Day 43:

Pretty shitty morning but the day turned out alright
I was awake in my bed and my dick was hard 80% of the time for 1 hour
That a pretty long morning wood
I wasn't horny or anything though

I think this flatline is coming to an end
I'm gunna set 3 rules Ima try to follow for when I start getting horny again:

-No porn
-Jacking off will be allowed after 90 days no PMO
-I will jack off only when I can't take it anymore, and without fantasies
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Quitforeverthenwin on April 05, 2019, 01:32:34 PM
Great man! Morning wood like that is a huge huge sign of progress. Yeah no PMO ever ever ever though.
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on April 07, 2019, 11:59:50 AM
Day 46:

Yesterday I got back on the flatline

This morning I was really horny and fantasized about shemales
I'm not really proud of that, I thought I was over this fetish already

I went for a walk and saw a cute girl running across the street and we made eye contact
I know its not much but that made me feel really good
I made eye contact with another girl not long after and she also smiled
Man there not alot of things I love more than looking at beautiful girls running on a sunny day

I really got high hopes for the near future and things are gunna be good
I will jerk off without porn at day 90 if I feel like it
This is so whenever I'm horny I hold myself and have a thing to look forward to cause I don't think I'm gunna make it PMO free otherwise
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Quitforeverthenwin on April 08, 2019, 02:01:24 PM
Well, you are progressing for sure! Enjoying smiling at the girl and being attracted to her is awesome. It looks like a transition to me some of the old bs fantasies but also you are becoming attracted to real girls! Keep doing what you are doing, as that is progress for sure. And yeah, watch out for fantasy, aim to cut it out as much as possible. For me it became a problem and it avoiding it will MASSIVELY help in getting rid of the fetish.
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on April 08, 2019, 09:24:54 PM
I don't think about sex at all during the the day its just that when I wake up and I don't get out of bed right away and I'm horny I start fantasizing. I try to stop myself from fantasizing but I can't. Not sure if this is bad for the reboot if we're talking about my physical capability to bust nuts and not only about avoiding fetishes but it can't be good.

This will change pretty soon when I get a new job cause I will have to wake up earlier
I just hope I don't relapse until then
I almost relapsed this morning
I think I could have busted in less than 20 seconds
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Quitforeverthenwin on April 08, 2019, 10:57:27 PM
Stay strong bro!

I have the EXACT same problem. If I stay in bed in am it often leads to fantasy. It's simple you gotta get THE FUCK OUTTA BED. Like as if the bed were lava. Do that shit asap, as the fantasy is real bad you want to cut it out cause it'll give you super strong urges.

I hack I have used recently that works for me is.... I get instantly out of bed, but I go to the couch and rest more lol. For whatever reason it's just not the same. I can go on the couch and the urges aren't there but I can still rest a bit or take the time to get going if I wake up feeling like shit.
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on April 11, 2019, 10:04:48 PM
Day 50:

Had my first wet dream last night
I thought it was gunna feel good after not having busted all that time but I didn't feel anything
It just felt like i pissed myself
This makes me not even want to jerk off even more so that's a good thing
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Quitforeverthenwin on April 11, 2019, 11:44:27 PM
Great man! Thats an awesome indicator of healing happening and awesome that is lowers your cravings. Keep it up! 50 days is quite the accomplishment, keep going. Your brain is getting healthier and healthier
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: LeanAndBop on April 14, 2019, 04:57:57 AM
Hey I read your original post and I can relate to your despair. I hope you are OK. Wishing you all the best with your goals.
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on April 14, 2019, 09:32:48 PM
Thanks, I'm in a much better place now
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on April 14, 2019, 09:57:29 PM
Day 53:

Had urges this morning
I went on craigslist during the day to see if there was trannies posting ads but what I saw left me pretty disgusted
I wasn't even horny when I was looking that up, I think I'm doing it out of curiosity
The urge to watch porn and the urge to jerk off are two different things it seems
I wanted to look up shemale porn to see if I was still attracted to it but I didn't

Transsexuals irl are not like in porn and I'm starting to acknowledge that
If I don't watch porn ever again I shouldn't think about them anymore
But I have watched them everyday for years so that will take awhile

You'd think at day 50+ I'd be smooth sailing but I'm not
I'm not even that horny yet and I need to control myself not to jerk off

I need to remember why I'm rebooting at my most vulnerable times cause otherwise I'll jack off
I will write a post about my reasons for doing the reboot soon so I can check it when I'm about to relapse




Other than that I've had a shitty day at work
Tomorrow will be better
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: mym8marty on April 14, 2019, 11:14:33 PM
Hey! Just read through this thread from the beginning, just want to say CONGRATS you've made it a huge way from where you started out, even just a couple months ago.

I think one way we will try to trick ourselves into relapsing is by telling ourselves things aren't for PMO, but that we're just curious, or we're just wondering, or it's not actually relapsing if we're looking at something without the intention of MO. It's a TRAP, if you find yourself just using the curiosity as an excuse, remind yourself what that road leads to, and step away/do something else off of your phone/computer. That's really helped me, at least. Hope it helps you. Good luck!
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Quitforeverthenwin on April 15, 2019, 07:58:17 PM
Keep going man. Remember, the urge to check if you are still "into" your porn induced fetish is just some tricky addiction rationalization stuff so good thing you avoided it!

 For me it's helpful to categorize looking up classfied ads as looking at P. In a way it can be worse, cause now it's moving into the real world. Remember, you want this addiction and fetish GONE right? You didn't have this fetish before porn and were disgusted by it the first time you saw it right? It's like a shitty parasite, let it starve totally and be gone.

Keep moving forward and get this shit out of your life! ON the other side is relationships with real women, feeling a hell of a lot better about your self, inspiring others including on this forum.
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on April 15, 2019, 09:09:20 PM
Thanks for reading Marty

and Quit, when I checked out ads everything I saw on there was really nasty and made me pretty disgusted and they all looked like men, so it actually made me not want to look up shemale porn

Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on April 15, 2019, 09:28:45 PM
Day 54:

Had another wet dream last night and it felt good but hurt a little a the same time
Both this dream and the last I can't remember what the dream was about exactly but I know it was porn
And most likely shemale related

I woke up and cleaned up a bit, my shirt and sheets got hit
I went back to sleep and I was still horny but managed not to jack off
When I woke up I was still horny and decided to empty my ballsack
I didn't fantasize about anything I just busted without thinking

Some of you might think this is a relapse and see this as a failure but not jacking off is not the main goal for me here
Quitting porn forever is
I don't wanna bust all over myself every 4 days..
Wet dreams don't seem to clean my balls properly so I will do the maintenance of my sack once a month maybe more if necessary but will keep it to a minimum


Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on April 18, 2019, 09:05:15 PM
Day 57:

Shit fucking day
I'm pissed and I wanna strangle someone
I'd like to strangle my boss with a mirror in front of me so I can watch his face while I choke the life outta him
Fucking cunt
I quit today so I'll never see him again

My little brother and his bitch ass girlfriend too can suck my fucking dick
I'm leaving town on Monday so I'll never see them again too
Good fucking thing
I'm getting the fuck outttttt yeaaaaaaaah booiiii
 








Other than that the reboot is doing pretty good
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on May 16, 2019, 08:15:17 PM
Day 85:

I live in Alberta now, I just got internet
I don't like how I left things
Sometimes I just feel like deleting angry posts cause its just bad vibes and no one wants that
I never re-read what I write after I post it

But its part of the journey my friends
The reboot ain't smooth sailing for anyone I think

I think my body is more fucked than I realized and its gunna take awhile to reboot but its okay
I don't think about what I'm doing as a reboot or challenge anymore but a new way of living
I'm doing an experience of jacking once a week without porn and so far I don't know if its good or bad
Once I'm comfortable not jacking of a week then I'm gunna do it every 8 days, then 9 days etc...

It feels good to be back on here I got some things I needed to write about


The change of environment has done some good to me and I recommend moving somewhere to anyone who feels stuck in their life



The girls at my job are all either fat or ugly which kinda sucks but I have low libido anyway so fuck me
I'm feeling kinda depressed these days and don't feel like talking to girl anyway


I will try to keep the vibes of this blog positive or neutral at least and will try to vent my anger somewhere else in the future.

Feel free to let me know how your reboot is doing or what kind of reboot you're doing
Thanks for reading
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on May 17, 2019, 06:48:30 PM
Day 86:

The success rate of nofap is very low
Stopping jerking off and porn at the same time when like me you've been doing it for more than 15 years is almost impossible
Its like quitting smoking and going on a diet at the same time
Very fucking harddd

That's why I'm trying a new approach right now

I haven't had an urge to watch porn since I stopped cause now I know its bad
I used to believe it was bad and stop believing and came back to porn but now I KNOW

For most people 90 days will not cut it
You will just go back to your old habits and it will all be for nothing
I think for me its going to take at least a couple of years to get back to normal cause I've watched so much fucked up shit



Right now I don't got much motivation to stopping jacking off though
I know it would be best but I don't see the point
I'm depressed and fucked up and don't feel like talking to girls at all
Not to anyone actually

I thought moving was gunna make me feel better but I was wrong
I don't know what can fix my mind anymore, seems like I've tried everything
Now I'm just somewhere nicer but still got a shitty jobs with some cunt ass bosses
Maybe in time I'll feel better, probably not though

If not I'll just move places till I find something I like doing or a girl I like
I just don't wanna die a fucking virgin it would be sad


Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on May 19, 2019, 09:14:29 PM
Day 88:

Got fired from my job yesterday
The job gave me a place to stay so I'm gunna be homeless in 2 days
People there were fucking asshole I'm glad to get the fuck out tbh
Gunna head towards the west in search of a new job, and south to the states if I don't find one

This should keep me busy and away from jacking off for a bit so that's a good thing
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: LeanAndBop on May 20, 2019, 07:57:06 AM
Sorry to hear you are in a tough situation. Best of luck. Hope you are alright.
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Quitforeverthenwin on May 26, 2019, 05:30:36 PM
Well, best of luck to you man. Life is not always easy, but at least you are trying and going for it! Abraham Lincoln went through many nervous breakdowns and total failures in life and then we all know what he became. Perhaps you can overcome this stuff and make something great of yourself in the future too!
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on June 16, 2019, 04:33:54 PM
Day 115?:

Found a painting job in Vancouver
Been living in my car for a month now and I'm used to it
I'm jacking off less than once a week now so I'm making progress

I find that pretty much all the women in Vancouver are ugly so when I see a girl that's barely attractive I find her really attractive
I think being around ugly women is good for the reboot

I got like 4000 bucks to spend on car repairs so I might need a better paying job soon
I wanna stack enough money to go to south to the states when its start to get cold

Other than that I'm gunna start to get serious about trying to date women and see how it goes
I'm so clueless when it comes to women its a shame
I mean I wanna put in the work but when I talk to women it just sounds so unnatural and fake I don't know how to fix that
If you guys got any tips on dating and shit, feel free to share

Quitforever thanks and yes I believe every challenge makes you stronger and I'm trying to be the stronger motherfucker I can!


Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: LeanAndBop on June 18, 2019, 11:55:54 AM
Hey mate
Glad things are looking up
Yeah surely if you talk to more women go on dates it will help you to improve in this area. I'm pretty hopeless too, but all we can do is try to learn and be brave... I think.
All the best
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on July 03, 2019, 10:16:15 PM
Day 133:

Job got boring, I'm sexually frustrated alot and can't think about anything else than women
I just want a small girl I can hold and give affection to
Its not even just about sex

Sometimes I see cute 10-12 yrs old girl and I just wanna hold and kiss them
But I try not to look at those girls too long so people don't think I am a pedo

I'm getting so bored of the job I can't work anymore so I'm quitting
I'm getting more sad and depressed as the time goes by and I need to get back on the road and head south.
 I don't know if I feel lonely cause I don't know what its supposed to feel like tbh

I've downloaded 6 dating apps and they're all set up but I don't got much hope of finding someone on there right now
I'll probably start using them when I'm back home cause its a waste of time and data and I'm travelling to much to find anything else than a quick fuck

I'm kinda tired and bored of my situation
but I'm sure travelling will make it less shitty


Other than that I'm jacking off not that much still but creating profiles. on swiping bitches on tinder made jack off 2 days in a row

Still haven't looked at porn but I've been on craigslist looking for sexy ads one day and saw a lesbian ad with a picture of her hairy pussy and got really horny

A good thing right now is I think I'm pretty much rebooted
My attraction to women is high
I get boners alot when I go to the beach

Alright alright alright,
I think I've said enough
I'll update the situation every 2 weeks or so
Hope you guys are doing well in your reboot and in your life
Don't kill yourself, and keep porn off your mind 
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on July 09, 2019, 06:59:18 PM
Day 139:

I can't believe its been only 6 days since my last post
I quit my job and now I'm in kelowna and jobless
I made accounts on like 8 different dating sites and on adulfriend finder
I've been jacking off everyday since a few days ago

Browsing those website is like porn and Im so horny all the time
Ive messaged some trannies and i wanna fuck them

I dont give a fuck theyre dudes anymore
I just wanna fuckkk
I need sex and im bored and lonely

Ive not actually watched porn but used those site as porn
my counter is now at 0
I'm about to get a tranny escort if I dont meet anyone really soon

Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Thank you for all that you do for me on July 11, 2019, 06:14:21 AM
You are talented and strong and capable, but that doesn't mean you can't get hurt or tired. Take care of yourself and your needs   :)
Stay gold my friend
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on July 16, 2019, 10:30:00 PM
Day 1:

I said if I watched porn I would reset the counter
I googled a picture of a shemale and jerked off
I needed so little for me to jerk of so thats a good sign
I'm not even mad I dont give a shit tbh

Too many people are too obsessed with the numbers
but this is about much more than that

Had a pretty shitty week this week
heres some stuff that happened:

locked my keys in my own car
got caught in a ditch at 1 am
got a 742$ speeding ticket
spent 7 hours at the border and got banned from the states
Officially relapsed

Whats funny and not funny is that the officers at the border watched all of the videos of me jerking off that I sent to some trannies I met on grindr...
and theres one where I say I may try to find work in the states so now its in the official interview, written filmed. and everything and I was kinda ashamed about that...

Anyway now I'm 3000 bucks in debt so I gotta make money.
Also I'm gunna try really hard to find a girl

I'm not sure if I wanna fuck a tranny but I may get a tranny escort to make sure im not missing on anything in life and its betted to try it while I dont have a girlfriend
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on July 16, 2019, 10:31:11 PM
Also thank you thank you for the kind words
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on July 18, 2019, 08:45:09 PM
Day 0:

Not sure what to do about that shemale stuff but trying to find real girls instead, I got about 6 dating apps that don't seem to work, feels like a waste of time

I jerked off today and looked for shemale escort and found one in my area but shes not that hot and cost 300 bucks
I feel bad cause I forced myself to jerk off and didnt even enjoy it

I was so angry today it felt like I was possesed by demons man
I thought that was my sexual frustration and jerking off would make me feel better but it didnt do dick

I'll try to find a job where I can meet women
I don't care if the job sucks I want a cute girls my arms I can give some love to

I watched nudes of tranny on the escort site and now my counter is back at 0 again not that I give a fuck anymore
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on July 20, 2019, 02:00:36 PM
Day 1:

Slept all the afternoon yesterday
Feeling depressed and having some kind of brain fog
I have no energy to do anything
It might be caused by all the fast food I ate when I was
on the road
I might do a fast if it doesnt go away

I have a feeling the depression is gunna hit me hard now that
I'm not on the road again

I try to not look up porn but I feel like shit anyway so whats the point
I hope I find a girl soon and that I feel better but
I shouldnt need that to be happy you know

Im just rambling at this point
I never read back what I write
This us just a place where I can empty my thoughts

I need some shit to occupy my mind quick and get out of my head or I feel Im gunna go crazy and suicidal and depressed again and maybe relapse for good and go on a 1 year shemale porn binge.

Im not even gunna bother putting the no porn days anymore
Ill just try not to look up shit too often

lemme know if youre having a shitty reboot
bye

Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on July 20, 2019, 03:23:16 PM
relapsed
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Do or die on July 24, 2019, 01:03:10 AM
I also relapsed and started again.
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on July 28, 2019, 01:13:09 AM
Flatline

havent jacked off or thought about porn for 8 days

I partied with some friends
There was a cute girl there that I played with in the pool and
I got a boner at some point
but I don't think shes into me

She wasnt that hot but I liked her kinda
or maybe its just my dick who wants her

anyway I still had fun

she was climbing on my shoulders in the pool and I could feel her soft thighs on my neck
I enjoyed that



sometimes my mind shift into the darkness..
and it gets really bad, its the depression taking over and
I think that I may never get a girlfriend
and I say to myself thats its not true but thats not what
I truly believe

I have a problem that I dont know how to fix
what if I dont ever fuck and die a virgin?

I feel like such a bitch though.. complaining about that when some people have much bigger issues
but I truly feel  bad inside
my mind fucks with me

help





Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on July 29, 2019, 09:50:36 PM
I've jerked off this morning
I was thinking about real girls only so I dont consider it bad

I've spent alot of time with friends and people this week
and im feeling better

I still hate the fact that I have no gf but I am grateful to have such good friends

My job sucks but sometime I have fun
I think Im gunna get another shitty job just so I can meet girls
Theres a 16 yr old girl thats kinda alright looking but I dont know how I feel about her
All I know is when I get close to her I feel something inside of me

My boss told me not to try to fuck her cause I got the last girl
fired caused I made things awkward and tried to kiss her but fuck him lol

I need to make pussy my buisness
Invest time and money in it like it was a hobby



I need to focus on the positive
the devil is there whenever I let my guard down or Im tired

that motherfucker is tryna take over


Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Do or die on July 30, 2019, 12:45:10 AM
you can do it. just dont loss your will power
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on August 02, 2019, 12:46:00 PM
Its been 6 months since I started the reboot now
I jerked off this morning and its been 3 days since I last jerked off and it was pretty hard to do

I hope Ill be able to cum if i ever fuck a girl

Ive kinda given up on dating sites again
I dont have the personality to use that stuff and my photo looks like shit
Its kinda degrading for me to have to look a pictures of girls with my phone to fuck them

it just feels wrong

but i might try using them once i get desperate again


Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on August 04, 2019, 12:25:45 PM
I dont believe in god but I believe things happen fot a reason

maybe Im not supposed to have sex yet cause im not ready
im still in a flatline and Im not sure if having sex would be good for the reboot or not
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on August 06, 2019, 02:56:12 PM
jerked off
kinda forced myself to cum so I could sleep
I dont feel good about it

Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on August 08, 2019, 09:04:10 PM
Feeling kinda down
dont know if its my shitty job or what
I want to fuck a girl at my job
shes like a 5 and 16 yrs old but im horny

she teased me but dont think she wants me
anyway shes not my type but I want her to suck me off
or to eat her pussy
ill probably ask her if she wanna fuck tomorrow but idk
she has a boyfriend anyway but she never sees him

im getting a new job as a telephonist next week
I realllly hope theres some cute girls ill work with that are gunna like me
Its not even about if im gunna like the work anymore
I want to fuck

Also today I got hard when I said to the girl at work I bet you cant fit my cock in your mouth and she said she could
dont know how we got to talk about that but dont matter
I count this as progress
Im in a better shape than I thought (my dick)

Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on August 08, 2019, 11:27:30 PM
jerked off and I feel like shit about it
its like when I'm hangover  and say that im never dri king but do it the next day

It usually doesnt feel that bad
but I feel kinda ashamed
like I failed to get a real women and Im being punished by my own body for it

I feel fucking worthless and disgusting
my new goal is to go back to the once a week jack off plan
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on August 09, 2019, 08:53:23 PM
feeling alright

day was not that shitty
I was kinda attracted to the girl at work today
more than usual
when she left to go meet a guy I kinda got depressed
I kinda like working with her

I just started my new job this morning and there only older women working there so far
Im kinda dissapointed
Im probably gunna leave soon
I have some stuff to learn from this job

not sure where Im gunna go next
I need a place where I can meet girls but also a job thats kinda relax cause im gunna be back to school and working
at the same time

I just checked my dating apps and i matched
with 2 girls, one is really fat, one is ugly
fuck
Im not looking at any pictures of girls when I swipe cause I consider it porn now
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on August 11, 2019, 12:29:21 PM
fantasized about a girl this morning
I need to stop that
leaves me frustrated

feeling like total shit right now
im not sure if training alot has to do with that
or allergies and shit

Todays my last day at work
I need to find another job
probably gunna end up at mcdonalds or
shit like that
its gunna suck but atleast ill be part time
and im gunna meet girls maybe

if not ill just change jobs again until i do


Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on August 21, 2019, 08:10:00 PM
Its 9 o clock
I'm tired
went to school and then replaced a girl from work
who needed to go to the hospital

I thought she liked me but then told me by text
that we couldnt be together
I felt a little sad
then a little angry
but im fine I dont give a fuck about her

I thought i like her at first but nah
Not as a lover and shit

anyway, school sucks right now
work sucks just as much
and so does my dating life
but I got 1% hope

so thats nice

anyway Im probably gunna quit my job
but I dont know
I need a fucking girlfriend
I was so close god damnit

but im kinda happy i was close
it gave me hope
and maybe thats all I need right now

GOD HAS A PLAN FOR ME
I BELIEVE IN THE LAWD

jk

Im gunna go sleep now
and forget this shitty day
tomorrow is a new day my friend
its a new  fucking good shitty fucking day

coming in live and uncensored
straight from my mind to this piece of internet paper
till the next post
if anyone is reading
bye
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on August 24, 2019, 09:09:12 PM
it was my last day at work today
I just finished and I got a sore throat and I dont feel great
I feel dumb, and used by a girl at work
she messaged me saying she was wet and wanted to fuck

but it was all bullshit
she got me all horny and shit.. fuck what a fucking dumb teasing whore
Im fucking pissed

Im probably gunna jack off today or tomorrow
its been a week and im so sexually frustrated
cant fucking deal with this shit

now I dont have a job so I wont be able to meet girls anymore
I have school at working at the same time sucks
Im probably gunna end up doing that anyway cause otherwise Ill never fuck and die a fucking virgin

Not feeling positive
At All

Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on August 24, 2019, 10:13:33 PM
cant sleep
I dont know if im sick or just sad and depressed
I just broke down and cried
I kinda liked that girl in some way

I was so dumb and blind
I thought things were gunna come together
that she liked me
Im so used to blocking my feelings that I didnt feel the sadness when she texted me everything she said about how she like me was a lie

I was just kinda shocked

but now im hurt
no matter how hard I try to mask it it wont work
its just gunna get me depressed

how can she be so cruel
what a fucking bitch
shes got a nice body but fuck her face is ugly
her fingers and teeths are disgusting too

I didnt kiss her when I had the chance
didnt even want to at all

This is another fucking lesson learned
hope tomorrow is better
and that i find love someday hopefully

or at least a girl to empty my balls every once in awhile for fucks sake a man has needs

Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on August 25, 2019, 09:15:05 AM
jerked off twice
and relapsed
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on August 25, 2019, 10:17:32 AM
I feel karma is real for some reason
One time I scratched someone car and didnt leave a note
well someone did the exact same thing to me but worse
I kinda broke some girl's heart at mcdonald and didnt acknowledge her feelings when I left and she looked so sad
well now I just got the balance I deserved

The universe is balanced now
maybe if I do good things
good things will happen to me
not sure if a believe what Im saying but I think its a good way to look at things
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Lero on August 25, 2019, 11:09:55 AM
I believe in this too.
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on August 26, 2019, 10:20:55 AM
relapsed again
this time it was because my friends talked about sex too much
all of them have a girlfriend except me so it fucking sucks

I watched asmr videos on youtube and jerked off to those
I feel kinda I did but at the same time its not as bad as porn
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on August 28, 2019, 10:59:32 PM
relapsed twice the same day 2 days ago

not feeling really horny these days cause Im sick
also got cigar sickness

but im alright

I'm always thinking about girls
I see pretty girls everywhere
I'm always torturing myself

I've got everything I need in my life right now
except a girlfriend
and I always focus on that
Its hard for me to appreciate my situation even though I've got it better than most

you don't value things until theyre gone
and thats a sad truth

but I'm grateful for everything I have
I just dont focus on that and I think I'm trying to better myself
and thats a good and a bad thing
cause I'm not even bettering myself if thats even a word
Im just making myself miserable

at least Im not suicidal like I used to anymore


anyway..
lets get back to the topic this site is all about
this turned in some kind of intimate journal
which kinda sounds gay and not something I thought I'd ever do but fuck it

I looked up shemale porn recently to see if I was still attracted but it wasnt the same as before
I'm not even thinking about shemales anymore cause I'm already really attracted to females right now
I'm more in tune with my old foot fetish

Sometimes I see girls in sandals playing with their feet and I get so turned on
I love feet so much
And I like having a foot fetish more than I like having a shemale fetish

I'm gunna stay away from shemales for some time
If i get the chance to fuck one I mighy just do it but I'm not actively going to seek one like I was before
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on August 29, 2019, 05:59:08 AM
Feeling pretty shitty this morning
I feel bad about relapsing yesterday
things were going well until recently
now I feel like a fucking looser

I think I'm gunna go fuck a prostitute
not sure if its gunna make me feel better or worse but I dont really give a shit
I'm tired and sick and I feel bad in my mind
I dont know what to do about how to get a girl
and its making me depressed

maybe ill just fuck prostitute till I die of some disease..
probably not tho



Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Lero on August 29, 2019, 06:03:57 AM
I feel you, man. I don't get any either. But I am afraid to go to prostitutes because of diseases.
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on August 29, 2019, 10:36:34 AM
I think most prostitutes are as clean as regular girls
yes they fuck with lots of people but they wear protection (most of them) and they get tested every 2 weeks or so from what I've learned

they are more attentive to it cause they don't wanna carch disease and even less spread them cause they'd be out of work or get their ass kicked by a dude who caught something one day you know

I'd say go with your gut on this one depending on what she looks like
If she looks nasty and not like the picture you can just leave
(that happened to me once)
the bitch looked pregnant and was eating general tao chicken when I arrived and I couldnt even get hard so I left lol

personally I fucked one and wore a condom and didnt caught anything as far as Im aware
I even ate her pussy and ass but she insisted really hard that I wear a condom so thats a good sign

a good tip would be to ask her if you can fuck her without a condom and if she says yes thats not a good sign

hope this was helpful, sorry for the long text
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on August 30, 2019, 06:19:45 AM
Yesterday I saw the girl that I wanted to fuck at work that teased me for no reason
That bitch was ugly

I got blinded by my thirst and didnt even realize how ugly she was
I would still have liked to fuck her but its no big deal. she didnt want to
I think shes mean to people cause she knows she looks like shit

I also went to gym and wasnt at all horny and almost didnt look at girls there
normally I just look at girls all the time but this time. and didnt look at girls much but noticed girls looking at me without having to look at them

I think its more attractive to them when you dont look at them cause they can just look at you without feeling uncomfortable and see you do your thing and also you dont look needy for sex

Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Lero on August 30, 2019, 06:31:55 AM
You know, I take a quick look at girls but it's enough for me to realize: Do I have a chance with her or not? If not, keep looking will only make me so desperate and frustrated and I will go home depressed and ready for PMO. I look away and that's it. It's painful most of the time to interrupt the dopamine but whatever. Only if I think I could make it work, then whatever, you know what I'm saying? Maybe it doesn't make sense.
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on August 30, 2019, 05:49:14 PM
Me it depends,
Sometimes I like being horny for girls sometimes not
when its a girl thats has a nice ass but not a pretty face that I wouldnt even like to be with and I'm just horny looking at her ass, its fine. It even gives me power to do more reps when I channel my sexual frustration to do more reps

But it its a cute girl that I would like to kiss and be with its different, I can get sad and depressed really quickly if I think about her

I prefer not thinking about girls too much at all you know, thats when you'll go crazy and get depressed, but its hard not to, and also if I don't think about it I won't ever get a girl probably, I need a plan for myself to be around women
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on August 30, 2019, 06:02:04 PM
So I checked on the internet and got a good idea (not)
I wanted to know if I was still attracted to shemales
and at first I convinced myself how they all looked like dudes and I was not attractes anymore
 
but then I saw a passable one and got attracted
than another one and another one...
now I'm 99,9% positive than this is a fetish that can't go away
maybe deep down I knew but I was just too curious

that what porn is too, its as much about the curiousity as the dopamine that gets you
anyway, after that I didnt jack off to that and tried to jack off to asmr but it wasnt enough anymore so I went back to it and jerked off to shemales...

I don't feel good about it but lately I'm prone to relapses
cause I've been sick and some other frustrations or maybe thats just an excuse

I will always like shemales, it is what it is and I'm not ashamed about it, I even like the fact I like it
its just so dirty
but I must not watch it
I'll try in real life with a passable trans to know if I like it


Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on August 31, 2019, 07:19:08 AM
Pmo'd 3 times yesterday to shemale and girls fucking dogs
I just Pmo'd right now too after I said to myself I was gunma stop

I'm sick and weak right now
my room is filthy and full of kleenex from both me being sick and jacking off too much
I'm gunna take a shower and clean everything
and also my mind from porn thoughts

Its gunna be a rough weekend to stop
I have 4 days free that I don't know what to do with
I hope I don't end up relapsing again

Each time I think I'm done with porn I'm not
I'm setting a new goal of not jerking off or watch any kind of porn till next saturday at least where I'll be authorized to jerk off but not watch porn

I think my relapsed was mostly caused my asmr videos
I used them as porn for a week and then it wasnt enough for me
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Free-man on August 31, 2019, 07:38:57 AM
Watch this video by Noah Church, it's very interesting
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Ldd7wfbKQA&feature=youtu.be (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Ldd7wfbKQA&feature=youtu.be)

Anyway, try to change your behaviours and change the habit for other healthier.
When you feel dopamine calling you go out of your home, you will calm you.
Erase all the p stuff from your mobile phone and your computer, Install a blocker like cold turkey or similar.
Replace the time dedicated to PMO for another helthier hobbies
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on August 31, 2019, 09:43:38 PM
yea I've watched it before
doesn't change a thing though
I don't need a blocker or any of this shit it wont change a thing
If I want to watch porn I'll find a way anyway

I only watched porn a little cause I wanted to
And also I've been sick for more than a week now and my willpower is just weak right now
I'm just fucked in my mind these days and I'm not doing that good

I love sex man and I'm missing out on it and it sucks
If I want I can control myself and not watch it for weeks and I've done that up until now but it sucks
I do this only cause I wanna enjoy sex more
not do more productive things, I don't give a fuck about that

If I could have sex 3 times a day I probably would
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on August 31, 2019, 09:52:19 PM
I don't feel like watching porn
Yesterday's relapse made me fall a little behind in my reboot but I think I needed this
I'm confident I'll be able to go on another streak of no porn
I'm gunna have to stop watching sexy girls doing asmr though, this is what lead me to this without knowing it

I'm going to try and focus on fitness and getting jacked now
also getting a girlfriend
not sure if I feel like using dating sites anymore, I don't like thrm
and most attractive girls dont need this anyway so Im not sure ill find a girlfriend on there

I need a consistent place and time where I'll be in contact with women

heres my reminder if I need to look back:
1. get jacked
2. find a place to meet girls

those 2 things are my main goals right now
everything else is less important


Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on August 31, 2019, 10:01:54 PM
Also another random intersting thing
I've noticed I get boners when a cat shows me affection or when I see a cute girl even if she's like 10 yrs old and it feels weird
I'm not sexually attracted to either of these though but I feel good and get hard but its not sexual, sometimes it happens in public and it feels kinda wrong, has it happened to anyone of you before?



But I love cute girls of all ages.. I just wanna hold them tight, take care of them and kiss them so bad, I hope I'll have a daughter some day so I can do that
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on September 01, 2019, 04:24:13 PM
Feeling like shit
I saw a cute girl that was kissing some guy and she looked so in love with him
I got really angry and cranked up  some death metal to max volume on my headphones
I was about to hit anyone who even looked at me wrong

But now I just feel sad
this pattern used to happen to me all the time and now its the first time its done that in months and its the worst feeling
I think I might be bipolar or some shit

I've had porn flashbacks of a specific scene I watched of a girl getting fucked by a dog
she was loving it so much
I'm gunna stop writing about this before I relapse though

I just wanna jerk off till I cant feel a thing right now but I must not
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on September 02, 2019, 11:10:26 PM
Shitty depressing day
my sleep got all fucked up

didnt have any interest in watching porn
or to do anything at all
which is both good and bad

I saw the movie Once upon a time in Hollywood
didnt understand everything but was pretty funny
and had alot of feet in it cause the guy directing or producing or some shit has a foot fetish
I got really turned on during the movie and ended up looking some feet scenes when I got back home but it didnt end up in me jacking off to porn

also there was a girl next to me that kept moving her feet and I kinda got turned on by that also. I was hoping she would just remove her shoes and her socks and place them on my lap so i could play with them and suck on them..
but it didnt happen

found out later she was ugly anyway
I don't know why but when Im next to a girl and didnt look at her or its dark I always assume shes really hot

maybe thats because thats my body wants to believe but who knows



I don't even care about tits and ass right now I need a girl with a cute face and some pretty feet that likes to get her toes licked



Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: malando on September 02, 2019, 11:39:23 PM

Have you ever had a read through your posts? I'd be surprised if you are proud of what you've posted here. I'd say you are more affected by porn than you even know. Your attitude to women is deplorable. And please leave that 16 year old girl alone. She doesn't deserve to have you in her life.
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on September 03, 2019, 09:05:31 PM
That 16 yr old girl is a total bitch anyway
I never read back what I post once and sorry if porn is affecting me, thats why I'm here!
I just come here to let everything inside my mind out so those thoughts cant fuck with me

Your life must suck to have to insult people on the internet to feel better about yourself
read back what you posted and tell me, are you proud of what you've posted here? L0l
All I can see is anger, negativity and saltyness
you must not have jerked off in a very long time

your attitude towards people in general sucks so I can't believe that women it would be better

You need some serious help, if you're gunna spread negativity just leave man, I've got enough of that already

Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on September 03, 2019, 10:04:22 PM
I just want to stay raw and let people have a look at exactly what goes through my mind
i posted a warning at the very begginning of the thread to let people know that

what you said kinda hurt and was very cold, negative, and unproffessional for a moderator
Ive got more views than some people with more replies so some people must relate or enjoy what I write so I dont see why I shouldnt be free to post

no one has to read what I write
most other posters really piss me off and I just dont read them
you also piss me off  but I kept my calm as you can see

try to be more kind even if youre pissed at me
dont spread negativity on me even if I have on you somehow

i truly want to get better and I use this website as a tool to let off steam and what goes on in my mind
not write a novel!

I realized I was a little cold with that girl now that I look back and I do feel bad about it

but I'm having trouble realizing that
I'm dumb when it comes to that kinda stuff
Im used to numb my emotions
I really thought I loved her...

anyway
I'm not a bad man, I'm just in a bad shape mentally

if you wanna beat down a sick man instead of lending him a hand, be my guest and ban me
but if you would just tell me calmly what you think is wrong with me I'd prefer that

I was gunna send this to you as a private message but I'll just post it on the thread
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on September 03, 2019, 10:17:11 PM
 If you click ''help'', thats whats written word for word:

"Posting - The whole point of a forum, posting allows users to express themselves."

do I need to say more? can't I express myself please?
If I need to use certain words to express myself, I'll use them
Dont like it? just leave!
do I go to justin bieber videos to say how much I hate him?
No!
Why?
cause I don't need to
all i gotta do is not watch them!

if you wanna act though and ban me just to prove you have the power to do so... you can
Id rather you dont but hey
its gunna say alot more about you than it says about me

I've spent too much time on this
I'm done

If I get banned, thanks everyone for reading
I wish you good luck on your reboot
and I will join a forum that allows me to post whatever the
FUCK I want
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: nps1337 on September 04, 2019, 02:13:33 AM
Thanks alot for you're Information sir

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Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on September 04, 2019, 08:01:35 PM
No prob man
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on September 04, 2019, 08:11:23 PM
It was hard to focus at school today
I was doing maths and kept thinking about girls
I can't not think about girls or sex when I'm doing something boring like that

I took a nap and I got the urge to jack off and did it
I don't feel good or bad about it, it just happened
I didn't fantasize or anything and just focused on the feeling so I don't think its that bad for me

porn is the biggest issue and if I have to jerk off once in awhile to help me stay away then so be it
If I can cum easily like that then I wont have pied
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on September 04, 2019, 08:23:42 PM
Do you know the biggest reason I start watching porn again even though I stopped?
Its cause I always forget why I'm doing this
I mean I don't have always a clear reason so its easy to go on a dickjackathon when you don't remember why you stopped in the first place

heres my personal reasons:
1. I want to be more sensitive to real women emotionaly and sexualy
2. I want my future girlfriend to feel that I'm really attracted to her and I feel she doesn't deserve someone who watches porn
3. I don't wanna have pied
4. porn kinda makes me depressed and have a low self esteem and makes other things in life less enjoyable
5. I feel a little bit ashamed after watching porn

If you're rebooting, I strongly suggest having a list of your personal reasons to stop watching porn

Ill try to remember those if I'm close to relapsing again
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on September 04, 2019, 09:58:47 PM

I just ate alot of food and I'm feeling really good
I need to eat more

also I just took a walk and made eye contact with a girl
I know its nothing but it means alot to me
she turned her head 90 degrees to look at me a looked really cute and I smiled at her

Later during that walk I had some thoughs that I think I should have focused on before and are big part of my problem with meeting women

Since I was a boy I was only around other boys and I had a pretty violent childhood, I never got along with my brothers we fought with each other everyday
I still don't talk to my little brother to this day since a few years
anyway.. I'm not gunna write a fucking novel about how hard I've had it cause I've had a good childhood and had it. better thsn most, enough with that self pity bs, I just wanted to acknowledge the fact that I've grown to ignore and suppress my emotions till I couldn't feel pain
Till I coudn't feel anything then I only felt depression, sadness, anger and isolation
I became really cold and I still am cold to this day at some. extent

Its hard to tell people's feelings when you can't even feel your own
I few times I've had girl that were in love with me and I couldn't see it, I didn't feel shit
I didn't even give fuck about them cause I was numb

I'm working on trying to feel things but not sure how
I've learned how to cry again about 3 years ago but it was really hard even when I was alone

I used to listen to death metal only also and I think it affected me in some ways
Now I listen to latino music and songs about love cause thats what I wanna spread
not hate

Who thaught the need to meet women would lead me that deep into self reflection
maybe that was one the lessons I needed to learn

anyway, I'm gunna stop boring you and go to sleep now
I just needed to write these thoughts while they were still fresh in my mind

thats enough posts for today


Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on September 05, 2019, 09:41:59 PM
pretty good day
had some thought about shemales once or twice during the day
I'm never gunna be able to make myself not like shemales I think
you cant undoo a fetish

I'm thinking of how to become more sensitive to my emotions again
I've learned how to hate and look mean and though and be emitionless and cold and look at people in a very angry way to scare them off

Now its time to learn to love and be sensitive
like a women...
which is way harder
cause Im not a women

being vulnerable and sensitive as a man who is used to be manly is so hard
I've had to destroy my ego and unlearned my ways to be, act and even walk

I'm not talking about becoming a women but trying to learn how to feel how women feel when I need to feel it

I want to be as approachable as one can be
I used to want to look mean and want people to  be scared of me
I listenned to death metal only and wore only black shirt eith death metal  band logos on them

I don't wear those anymore

I think the music you listen to really matches the vibe you put out
it kinda brainwashes you into the mindset

ask yourself, does the music you listen to match what you need to be in your life at this moment?

I personally listen to latino music that talk about love and shit and are kinda soft cause thats an aspect im lacking
I want people (mainly girls) to get a loving vibe when they talk to me

if this topic interest you you can go watch a vid by eliott hulse on youtube called listen to this music
its pretty interesting


Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on September 06, 2019, 03:14:40 PM
searched for shemale escorts yesterday
only found one thats passable and she's.. (ok he!! whatever)
is far away
looked for girls escort too and found one but didnt contact her

I relapsed on shemale porn because of that
I dont feel good about it

Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on September 13, 2019, 03:13:13 PM
*Trigger warning*
Don't read this post if you're prone to relapses

I haven't felt the need to post in awhile
thats because my mind has been clear since last saturday

I fucked a tranny that day
It was stressfull to be honest
I didn't know what to expect
I remember the moment when I knocked on the door..
and waited... very stressfull

she opened the door (yes SHE okay)
that wasnt a man dressed in girls clothes
It was a really beautiful and feminine transgender
I was happy

she had a girly voice and really soft skin and cute little breasts and for a moment I thought the might not be a transgender after all
I would never have known if it wasnt for the cock in her panties

she sucked my cock and I busted in less than a minute
I was way too horny that day
But it kinda took a moment for me to get hard cause of the stress

I tried to get hard again but couldnt so we talked for a few minutes

I sucked her cock after that but she couldnt get hard cause of the hormones

I managed to get hard and fucked her in the ass after that
but didnt feel much

I then dressed up, looked at her amazing body one last time and we kissed eachother on the cheeks and then I left

I thought from what I've read that some people felt like commiting suicide after having fucked a tranny but it felt amazing to me

feels weird to have sucked dick but hey
if you're afraid to suck a little dick, who the fag?
L0l






Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on September 14, 2019, 12:03:02 PM
It feels weird to like trannies
what do you tell your friends
oh I like dicks in my mouth but I'm not gay
right...

but its true
I'm not gay
I don't like men
I didnt even watch porn where there was a man in the video

But its hard for people to understand
even I thought I was gay at some point and googled are you gay if you like trannies
now I have a simple definition of whats gay
Its simple, if you see an attractive man, do you want to fuck him?
If no, you're not gay


I realized a week of reflection that a huge part of the addiction for me was curiosity
now that I've been with a tranny I'm less curious about them and I'm not as prone to relapse (I think)
or I could be wrong and I'm just in a flatline right now which is most likely the case

Its been 1 week since I fucked a shemale (feels weird writing this) and I havent jacked off since
I' m gunna start the counter back on from now just for fun
this is day 7
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on September 15, 2019, 09:54:36 AM
Day 8:
Sick and feeling shitty
left ear been hurting for 11 and a half months now
sucks

I'm still on the flatline and that's exactly what I need right now
when I'm gunna be on a small streak its gunna be harder for me to start watching it again

I feel depression creeping up as winter is coming
I hope I don't get as depressed as last year to the point of wanting to kill myself
If I do I'll power through that but its not fun

maybe I need to be able to live with myself before I find someone
If I need someone to be happy thats not good
and if I need porn to make me happy thats worse

This doesnt mean I wont try to find a girl
but I'm gunna try to live a good life alone



Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on September 17, 2019, 03:02:49 PM
Day 1:

feeling alright
relapsed yesterday
felt like shit about it this morning

I watch asmr videos to help me sleep
but I ended up on a pretty sexual asmr video
I thought it was ok cause its on youtube but I consider it porn since I jerked off to it pretty easily

It was a girl with a shirt with a huge hole in the back..
so she was laying on her bed and I could see her whole back and ass without panties and feet in the air...
I knew I shouldnt have watched it but now I wanna watch it again and I must not..

I know I should just stop watching asmr alltogether cause its the same thing as porn
its like I would say to myself I'll just start watching vanilla porn again and nothing too hardcore
Yeah.. ive tried that and it did not work at all

It sucks cause I actually enjoy asmr to sleep even if its not sexual
just seeing and hearing a girl speak softly and getting feminine vibes is pleasant and calming

Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Lero on September 17, 2019, 04:16:24 PM
Day 1:

feeling alright
relapsed yesterday
felt like shit about it this morning

I watch asmr videos to help me sleep
but I ended up on a pretty sexual asmr video
I thought it was ok cause its on youtube but I consider it porn since I jerked off to it pretty easily

It was a girl with a shirt with a huge hole in the back..
so she was laying on her bed and I could see her whole back and ass without panties and feet in the air...
I knew I shouldnt have watched it but now I wanna watch it again and I must not..

I know I should just stop watching asmr alltogether cause its the same thing as porn
its like I would say to myself I'll just start watching vanilla porn again and nothing too hardcore
Yeah.. ive tried that and it did not work at all

It sucks cause I actually enjoy asmr to sleep even if its not sexual
just seeing and hearing a girl speak softly and getting feminine vibes is pleasant and calming

Anything that stimulates the addicted brain (and we should know how this feels like aka identify when this happens) is to be avoided. If jerking off to a picture triggers the same feelings like P, it's clear.
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on September 18, 2019, 09:46:36 PM
Day 2:

yeah I should stop watching it
I only watch one the same video to help me sleep now, that it not arousing to me (at the moment..)

but its playing with fire and I should probably stop cause I lack self control these days

I see asmr vids on the front page of youtube on my phone now and saw a vid of a girl on her bed barefeet and it would have made me relapse if I was horny
I need to clear this somehow


...



Not a bad day
I was sad and depressed this morning but it got better
saw a few beautiful girls and they made me feel like shit
Its really hard for me to be social for some reason
I have some darkness sucking the life outta me
I can see it in my eyes when I look in the mirror
I look like a serial killer who hasnt slept for days

I don't talk to people
I only talk here which is not really talking but still better than nothing
I can get some shit out my head atleast
some shit you just dont talk to people about
who wants to hear about depression? its depressing

I need a place where I'm forced to socialise or I'll go down the path of depression
I'm already on the path going downhill about 30 miles an hour up in this BITCH I need something to change that


yesterday I looked up shemale hookers..
I didnt even want to fuck
I was bored and curious and wanted some excitement
I need to stop doing that
its just as bad as looking up porn

no more...

*looks it up*



Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on September 19, 2019, 09:37:40 AM
Day 3:

don't remember the last time I felt this good
has to do with a couple things
1 I had allergies and bought an air purifier
2 had bloating for days and stopped eating beans everyday
3 smoked a good cigar and I'm on that nicotine high

lesson: stop eating beans and start smoking cigars

porn wise I think I'll be more horny the better I feel ehich is both good and bad
Ill want to watch it more but Ill have more energy to fight the addiction
I'll just go back to jacking off without porn using only the feeling and a finger in my ass... hey thats not gay ok don' t judge, at least I have the balls to admit it... to a bunch of strangers on the internet
alright I have nothing to hide anymore
we're all gunna die who gives a fuck

enjoy life while it lasts
a life WITHOUT PORN

porn kills love

good luck everyone rebooting
I hope you have one good day every once in awhile
and I hope things will be better from now on
I have regained hope and I'm sure everything will work out in the end for all of us
its better to think the universe is on our side than to think otherwise

Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on September 20, 2019, 10:00:36 AM
Day 0:

things were looking so great yesterday
well they're not
It was just one of those moment you feel great then everything goes back to the way it was

I was feeling curious yesterday and wanted to see if there was trans escort in the area yesterday
long story short I ended up relapsing
then full blown relapsed twice on shemale porn this morning

fuck.

Sometimes I wish I would follow my own advice
I'm really good at giving advice to people you know
but I never follow my own fucking advice

I saw a post titles '' my last attempt at quitting porn''
well for me theres no last attempt
I'm gunna try till I succeed
I ain' t no quitter..
wrong choice of words there

I just shave my beard and hair
Took a shower cleaned the jizz off myself
Its time to start brand new again
gunna clean my room, go to the gym and find other stuff to do

I'm gunna write myself a note of why I want to quit porn
wait I already did, im gunna try to find it in the posts
and I'm gunna read it everytime I have cravings
might not work but its better than nothing

I don't wanna have a relationship with a tranny man..
Imagine telling my friends my girlfriend has a cock
telling my parents my girlfriend was born a man
seeing pictures of the tranny as a boy
how disgusting

I wanna have a long term relationship with a real girl
a women who I can have kids with someday
someone I'm proud to introduce to people
thats what I need

what scares me is I'm always gunna have cravings towards shemales and when I'm gunna have a wife I dont wanna cheat so maybe I should have one last experience with one while I have the chance? maybe its gunna be a bad one hopefully and I wont ever think of fucking one again
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on September 20, 2019, 02:35:06 PM
Its hard for me to appreciate what I got
Got plenty of good things yet I often focus on the negative side
It has its positives and negatives points

like if youd never focus on the negative side you wouldnt evolve
and I'm grateful for that

even though I lived in a negative mindset for the last few years it forced me to improove myself in many ways

you don't evolve in your confort zone cause you don't need to
it takes something to push you

porn in a way made me a better man cause quitting made me focus on all the aspects of my life that were wrong

I'm not out of the trench yet but I stopped drinking and smoking weed alltogether and its been more than a year and I'm not going back to it anytime soon

I started smoking cigars by choice and I don't regret my descision even though people say its bad for you
Its good for my mind right now and makes me feel great

its not a high that brings me down but put me in a higher state, it brings me energy while relaxing me at the same time

I just smoked one right now and I'm in a much better place
I think this is actually good for me
Its not an addiction that I want to stop
I understand why people have the deepest conversations when smoking cigars now, it just opens up your mind on another level, I just smoked one right now and thats why I am pouring letter out of my ass like its water not that I would do that on a daily basis

I wish I could have deep conversations about stuff I talk in here with people in real life
sucks that most people just like talking about superficial stuff that doesnt matter really
I mean its fun but I'd rather talk about stuff that makes tou think
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on September 21, 2019, 02:42:10 PM
Day 1:

I feel shitty and depressed
day 1
fuck

I've been doing this for so long now I'm starting over
I've deleted both my dating apps
cause they can be used as porn kinda
and I have stopped watching asmr
I deleted my youtube history so I'm good trigger wise

Its time I take this shit more seriously
the first time I rebooted I made it to 75 days before jerking off
the second time about 45
now its just pathetic
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on September 23, 2019, 01:59:56 PM
Day 3:

Feeling alright
only at day 3 but I plan on doing a good streak right now
I'm gunna find a way to fill up my time

im gunna try to not jerk off at all for as long as I can
when I jerk off its gunna be without porn and once a week max like I was doing before
that worked really good for awhile before that asmr shit came along for the ride
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on September 25, 2019, 10:35:13 PM
Day 5:

Been feeling bloated and sick inside
which is good for the reboot because I'm not horny

I feel I'm in for a pretty good streak

I don't feel like posting these days
I feel when I post its that I'm thinking about sex
and when Im thinking about sex its cause I want it
not posting often means im actually doing good reboot wise I think

Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on September 26, 2019, 02:25:17 PM
Day 6:

No urges so far
I don't feel attracted to 90% of women right now
but sometimes like today I sense my animal instinct going through my body when I see some type of women

this is the calm before then storm
Im enjoying those free days of rest before the real challenge begins, Its gunna make me feel more comitted to the streak

So the date I started is semptember 19, 2019
I'll try not to jerk off till 2020
No porn at least
Fuck thats harsh
100+ days attempt lets go
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Chuck Shurley on September 26, 2019, 02:30:24 PM

So the date I started is semptember 19, 2019
I'll try not to jerk off till 2020
No porn at least
Fuck thats harsh
100+ days attempt lets go

Hey, that's what I'm attempting to do too. Hit the magical 90 day mark come Christmas, and go into 2020 PMO Free.

Let's do this, or as the Spanish say, Vamos (let's go!)

Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Lero on September 26, 2019, 02:44:21 PM

So the date I started is semptember 19, 2019
I'll try not to jerk off till 2020
No porn at least
Fuck thats harsh
100+ days attempt lets go

Hey, that's what I'm attempting to do too. Hit the magical 90 day mark come Christmas, and go into 2020 PMO Free.

Let's do this, or as the Spanish say, Vamos (let's go!)

Shit, man, now I realized. 90 days would be exactly on Christmas day. Vamos.
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on September 27, 2019, 04:45:54 PM
Vamos brothers!
Day 7:
woke up with a pretty agressive morning wood
snake was ready to bite a cat
had dreams about sex dont remeber details, dont wanna know

I saw a girl at school that is the cutest thing..
its pretty much 99% guys so she pops out like crazy
shes starting to drive me crazy

usually day 7 is when my balls need to be emptied badly but not right now
I can see the damage only a few relapses made
no more damage
no more...
it has to stop

I want my sensitivity back
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on September 29, 2019, 02:30:07 AM
Day 8 (technicaly 9 but havent gone to sleep):
Feeling alright
chilled with my friends tonight it was pretty cool
they talked about sex and usually it gets to me but it didnt affect me too much tonight

I'm feeling strong and commited
I'm also dry fasting hard
that means no eating drinking or contact with water
Its my first time so ill only do 24 hours I'm sure itll help my fucked up gut

Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on September 29, 2019, 01:12:02 PM
Day 9:

Doing good porn wise

Just broke the dry fast
still water fasting since friday though
I know this is not related to porn but I feel fasting is really important
it changes your mind alot

I feel so good right now
I notice lots of girls being attracted to me
Its not that they never were I think
Its cause of the fast I'm more sensitive and I can notice them being attracted
food can numb you out just like porn

your gut and your mind are related much more than we know
I'm defenitely going to be fasting again soon
even though I'm trying to eat as much as I can to gain muscle, I feel my mind and body's well being should come first


Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on September 29, 2019, 11:12:02 PM
can't sleep
started fantasizing about girl I coulda slept with but didnt cause I was too much of a pussy
its fucking me up

I'm having trouble turning the page

How many guys have actually quit porn and never came back on here?
except gabe deem I don't know any
I cant just quit porn without having a girlfriend forever..

I mean I think I can last till 2020 but after that Ill start jacking off I think (without porn)
Or ill go fucking crazy

I'm doing this shit to enjoy sex as much as I can
not elimimate it
Its the thing I love the most in life

I need to be in contact with women
as much as I can but I'm not taking the steps..
I must find a shitty job just to meet women

I can have a higher paying job but there wont be girls so it sucks
its one or the other
I'm having trouble finding a sustainable way to be in contact with women daily

If I get a girlfriend one day I wont ever even think about watching porn...

anyway heres whats going on in my head not sure if anyone can relate
I'm gunna try to get some sleep now
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Lero on September 30, 2019, 04:50:13 AM
I feel you, man. What you said there is not something foreign for me. Trying to quit P when you've been single for a long time definitely sucks big time. I haven't had many opportunities to work in places with many girls either so I know what it means to have a difficult time meeting girls. I don't know, I'm also trying to recover so I could finally start to work on getting a girlfriend. Right now it's a little bit tricky. Yes, I wouldn't say "no" to an opportunity but I'm worried about PIED. I don't want to embarrass myself. As much as it drives me crazy to be single or get not sex in general, I feel like I have to wait at least a few months. It's no big deal, just a few months and then I'm going to take things seriously. 
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Pete McVries on September 30, 2019, 05:15:49 AM

If I get a girlfriend one day I wont ever even think about watching porn...


Unfortunately, that is not true. I have a gf since spring and I still think about p occasionally. Furthermore, if you externalize your addiction, you won't have any success in the long run. Because, if your fair maiden decided to leave you, you would be back at square one again. It's not her job to prevent you from acting out. That's solely your job.

All the best!
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Lero on September 30, 2019, 06:01:14 AM
Unfortunately, that is not true. I have a gf since spring and I still think about p occasionally. Furthermore, if you externalize your addiction, you won't have any success in the long run. Because, if your fair maiden decided to leave you, you would be back at square one again. It's not her job to prevent you from acting out. That's solely your job.

All the best!

Yes, I have to agree with this. I used to say the same thing: "If I had a girlfriend, I wouldn't watch P anymore, I wouldn't PMO but what can I do now? I'm sexually frustrated, that's why I PMO." But you see, there is nothing like P, man. A girlfriend cannot compete with what P does. Even with a girlfriend I would crave P like crazy cause I'm still an addict. As much as it sucks to be single, I haven't been trying hard to get a girlfriend because I'm still an addict and I want to work on this first.
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on October 01, 2019, 12:08:21 AM
Yeah.. you may be right
its like I'm saying to myself not having a girlfriend is the only thing keeping me from being happy but I'm not sure I truely known whats gunna make me happy

But I'm sure a girlfriend would make my life more enjoyable

And I hear you about Pied, I forgot I was scared of that
maybe being single is something I need after all
I need to be able to live with myself
and I'm pretty sure my first girlfriend is not the one I'll end up spending the rest of my life with so when we break up I better be ready even more than I am now or I'm fall really hard into porn again

Day 10:
flatline right now
let the healing begin
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Lero on October 01, 2019, 07:12:07 AM
Yeah.. you may be right
its like I'm saying to myself not having a girlfriend is the only thing keeping me from being happy but I'm not sure I truely known whats gunna make me happy

But I'm sure a girlfriend would make my life more enjoyable

And I hear you about Pied, I forgot I was scared of that
maybe being single is something I need after all
I need to be able to live with myself
and I'm pretty sure my first girlfriend is not the one I'll end up spending the rest of my life with so when we break up I better be ready even more than I am now or I'm fall really hard into porn again

Day 10:
flatline right now
let the healing begin

It sounds like you base your happiness on a girlfriend and I hate to bring the bad news but you won't find your happiness in external things. If you are not alright with yourself you can't be truly happy. A girlfriend won't make our mental mess go away. It will be like this: I find a girlfriend, I am super euphoric about it, the chemicals in my brain work overtime. Everything is great then things start not being that great anymore with my girlfriend, we break up and I fall from 1000 feet above the ground back into my misery and maybe binging PMO to cope. It's like one second I'm happy cause I have a girlfriend then the next second I'm miserable for lack of girlfriend. Also, until I'm completely done with porn a girlfriend will not make me stop. A girlfriend cannot compete with what porn is capable of doing to our brains. I will continue to PMO and hide it from my girlfriend, probably that's what I would do. That's why I think it's better for me to work on my life, get some months away from porn, maybe half a year, and then hopefully I could discuss this differently. But now, a girlfriend would not be able to do to my chemicals what porn does. It really sounds like selfish reasons, to be honest, me getting a girlfriend to make her "take me away from porn". Why should I do this to another person? "Come, be my girl and let me fuck you because like this I will stay away from PMO." No, this is bullshit. This is my opinion about this whole thing.
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on October 01, 2019, 10:33:27 PM
Thats fucked up when you think about it
finding a girlfriend just to stop porn
using her like id use a vape to get off cigarettes..

I realize that I objectify women to be honest
but its not my intention I truely wanna love a girl and please her every way I can to make her happy

porn kinda made me see girls this way I think
and also I've not been in contact with much women in my life in general except my mother

Its hard for me to know what love is
I thought I loved a girl many times but it was just lust
I truely can't tell what love is when all I feel is sexual

Anyway.. I'm realizing that I'm looking for a girlfriend just to fill up the empty space porn left in my life and I'm being desperate about it
I deleted all my dating apps now and wont be acting needy around women anymore
I'll just let things be

Its time for us to stop sex
I hate to say it
It sounds wrong
Its scary
but fuck I need to unfuck my my mind from all of this

years of porn changed my mind you can't expect me not to see women as objects man! thats what I've seen them as for most of my life! no I mean litterally seeing them as sex objects when watching porn
I'm aware now

Deep down I knew I wasnt gunna be happy by just getting a gf
I just needed something to blame my unhappiness on

Day 11:
just took a walk outside
saw one girl and she smiled at me
she was kinda good looking too
I felt good about that

usually I feel like shit and say to myself I should have talked to her and stuff like that but not this time
I just appreciated the moment for what it was
I don't wanna push things anymore
I don't wanna be needy with women
I just wanna let things be and I'm sure everything will fall into place when the time is right

I trust the universe

I've had a few thought about sex today
no urges so far
Doing pretty good and willpower is at 11/10
I wanna stop porn so bad
I wanna stop porn more than I wanna fuck the most beautiful women that ever existed
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Lero on October 02, 2019, 04:00:54 AM
Yes, porn brainwashes us to see girls as sex objects but if you think about it for a minute, you shouldn't like using a person like that.
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on October 03, 2019, 10:38:43 PM
Its not bad to use girls for sex
its not like they get no pleasure out of it
as long as they know what they're in for its fine

Its not like I'd tell a girl I love her just to have sex with her

If youre straight forward and tell her you just want sex
I don't see a problem

personally I would love to be used just for sex

some people need to stop idolizing women as gods
they can be evil and I think they use men more than we use women to be honest
some are evil man trust me

Dont put the bitch on a pedestal as they say lol
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: GeenViespeukMeer on October 04, 2019, 11:14:20 AM
Hey man, great to read your story.

Have you ever considered getting rid of internet completely? You could just throw away your laptop and get an old phone that can only call/send text messages.

I've done this myself and it was very effective, to say the least.
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on October 04, 2019, 08:13:13 PM
Man I was just thinking of this the other day
I would love it if I could find stuff to do other than fucking around on the internet

But actually I wasnt thinking of this to help me with porn but my quality of life
 I think what would be best is if I could fill up my days more with work and hobbies
I wanna find job as a barista maybe
I'll be forced to interract with people
so then I wont have an excuse to go on my phone

I don't think internet is bad but it should be used in a healthy way
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on October 04, 2019, 08:20:20 PM
Day 14:

Felt angry or frustrated today for some reason
not sure if its cause i was hungry, sexually frustrated or my ear pain fucking with me

I've had a few quick sexual thoughts but no fantasy

doing pretty good still, almost half a month done already
I wanna go into 2020 without porn and have a porn free whole fucking decade lets hope
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on October 06, 2019, 09:18:33 AM
Day 16:

watched a movie yesterday and they were some nude scenes with a girl thats I find attractive
they were kinda short but still, it fucked with the reboot cause I had real urges to jerk off yesterday

not while watching the scenes, I didnt even get hard,
but at night and this morning a had urges

I put a towel in my bed to catch the jizz if I get a wet dream and i kinda helped cause it was a pretty harsh material so you I didnt feel much pleasure when my dick was against it
Im gunna use that technique again

This is the day the game actually starts
those 16 days were easy but now its a whole other game
when urges start boy I say boiii you better have your mind fucking straight

to anyone on a streak right now know that I feel your pain and you're not the only one fighting this

I'm gunna jerk off without porn on new years eve after 100+
days no pmo,
Im gunna think about that reward and how good that accomplishement is gunna feel and the benefits for my body everytime I wanna jerk off until then

I'm gunna make it
I did 75 days the very first time I rebooted
I know I have it in me




Hey you
yeah you with the green shirt
are you ready to become a man?
if so you gotta say goodbye to your emotional crutch/teddybear called porn
you gotta stop sucking on your moms titties and fly with your own wings

This is more a message for me than for anyone..
I'm actually wearing a green shirt right now
but its the sad truth
I will not be a fully grown man until I get rid of those things which are making me weak

belive me I am a manly man but I still got those boy-ish things that need change
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Numezz on October 06, 2019, 02:07:09 PM
you gonna jerk off after 100 days of no pmo as a reward? you gonna reward yourself with chaser effect, porn cravings and other withdrawal symptoms?

i dont know about people who recovered from PIED or some weird porn shit they are not naturally in align with, who still jerk off... not happening. this is not a bad habit to have a cheat day. its an addiction. no cheat days when you are addicted to something.

private message me if you really do MO after 100 days of reboot. that would be sick.

forget about 100 days i did MO after 8 months of being MO and PMO free. that was 4 years ago......................... i was thinking like you, single MO session wont kill me. it didnt kill me but i relapsed soon after and i had many suicidal thoughts since then... but i had to go through it to grasp it (that MO is never again an option for me). maybe you have to go the same path. im PIED case.
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on October 08, 2019, 12:09:09 AM
Im only saying this as a way to tell myself im gunna jerk off later so I dont have to have it right now but I actually dont know what im gunna do after 100 days.

I'm not a T-800 man, I have needs and I dont think I can sustain the willpower to have no sex the rest of my life

If I could stop, I would at least for a year so I can get myself straight but I'm not sure I can

I'm sure what you're saying is wise and all but we're not all the same so ill never be certain. Its true that I had no pied and still jerked off for months a few months ago and everything was fine but I somehow fell down from this back into porn

man I just cant handle the fact that Im not gunna jerk off ever again, its like if you would say you're gunna leave your whole family and never get to see them again

I just can't do this right now
I mean if I find myself a partner before a year has passed it would be fine but I doubt its gunna happen

people say Im still gunna have urges to watch porn when I get a gf but I  dont believe that

Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on October 08, 2019, 12:11:11 AM
Day 17:
I had a dream that I relapsed
no urges today
doing good
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Numezz on October 09, 2019, 06:04:40 PM
Quote
I'm not a T-800 man, I have needs and I dont think I can sustain the willpower to have no sex the rest of my life
neither am i, its just a picture. btw who said you need to sustain willpower to have no sex for the rest of your life? lots of recovered porn addicts have sex on regular basis :o :o :o even during reboot you can have occasional sex to check out how you feel during sex and afterwards...

Quote
Its true that I had no pied and still jerked off for months a few months ago and everything was fine but I somehow fell down from this back into porn
seems to always happen.

Quote
man I just cant handle the fact that Im not gunna jerk off ever again, its like if you would say you're gunna leave your whole family and never get to see them again
is this a serious comparison. you are comparing jerking off with spending time with family?  8)

you need to switch off all devices, take a walk in nature or park and think about what you are thinking. lay down positives and negatives of jerking off. im sure you cant come up with any positive if you think deeply about what jerking off gives YOU long term. dont go for seconds, look at your life and overall happiness. thats deep thinking. actually you can come up with something positive in the long run about jerking off. for example you could say ,,if i went outside for a walk or exercise every day i jerked off, i would have more chance to get hit by a car and die. so thats positive, less chance of getting hit by a car,, at least this is how i must think if i wanna come up with long term benefit of jerking off in my room.

you cant quit if you think like this. you cant leave your family (if you love them). you are addicted to shemales so brain changes took place but you can always get a grip. its still primitive part of the brain taking over, you always have your rational side to play from and eventually win but you must use it.
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on October 09, 2019, 10:01:24 PM
when I start jerking off theres no line I cant cross
the only rule is I cant watch porn
but then it starts with jerking off once a week and comes down to once a day with fantasies and you didnt break any rule you set for yourself
then at this point youre way too close to your old habbits not to fall into the same. fucking. path.
then you binge and youre back to square one even worse cause you were aware of it


I'm starting to realize that with porn and with many other addictions it seems to be all or nothing
"hey Ill just have ONE cigarette!"
then might aswell have another one and we know its all over by then

now that I wrote it down I realize maybe its a bad idea to start jerking off again..

but the comparaison to the family I made was honestly how I feel about this
jerking off has been there my whole life, it helped me cope with things and it was something that was part of me, something that I couldnt live without and its scary for me just to say ill never jerk off again.

But to be honest I've been doing good these days and I dont feel im missing it. But its cause Im not horny too so Im not craving that drug..

so this probably a good place to take an objective descision  about jerking off or not

I'll do the 100 days first no pmo and in the meanwhile I have time to think about this



whats the hard part if for me is not being able to find someone to have sex with so no jerking means i just dont get sex at all for idk how long

people say having a girlfriend wont stop the urges to watch porn but I dont believe that


Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Numezz on October 10, 2019, 09:11:09 AM
Quote
I'm starting to realize that with porn and with many other addictions it seems to be all or nothing
"hey Ill just have ONE cigarette!"
then might aswell have another one and we know its all over by then
True

Quote
but the comparaison to the family I made was honestly how I feel about this
jerking off has been there my whole life, it helped me cope with things and it was something that was part of me, something that I couldnt live without and its scary for me just to say ill never jerk off again.
Escapism is not coping. Or is it? Either way its not good. When you look where it got you, did it helped out or made things worse?

Quote
whats the hard part if for me is not being able to find someone to have sex with so no jerking means i just dont get sex at all for idk how long
There is sexual self mastery series by universal man on Youtube. You can find that playlist and go through it. Its a long series but its fun if you are porn addict.

Married men still have porn cravings. Relationships, exclusive or non exclusive are not shortcut to overcoming cravings for fap/porn. People breaking and hooking up daily but you dont believe you can be in a relationship. If you dont believe that, then its easy not to believe about cravings in relationships and use it as an excuse to relapse during difficult times. "Oh Im single I must jerk off, Im not in a relationship like these guys, they got it easier than me. I will quit when I find a GF. Ooops, thats not happening. So, back to porn, Perfect loop!" says the brain. 
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on October 10, 2019, 11:09:44 PM
I think porn helped numb my feelings instead of facing them
which may have had a part in making me depressed and anti-social and weird around girls too maybe

I was heavily depressed when I started this thread and I think porn had a big part in this

And also you're right about the loop..
I have pied must stop watching porn to get a gf
then I stop and fix it but then hey
I cant get a gf so why not watch porn?
this has to stop

And also Im not sure I'm ready for a relationship or what to expect or how I feel about it but I must try
I feel like I have to push myself to want to be in a relationship somehow
maybe I just cant find someone I want to be with yet

Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on October 11, 2019, 02:08:27 PM
Day 20:
Massive urges yesterday
I wasnt that tired so my mind started going places when I couldnt fall asleep
It was hard not to give in

I think watching a tv serie with attractive girls in them may have had something to do with urges but not 100% sure

not gunna stop watching it cause of that though
its not like I get hard off it
even if I did I, would it be considered cheating or bad for the reboot? or is it actually good

anyway..
whats is bugging me is I dont know how to manage the urges long term
sure I can go 100 days MAYBE
but a whole year..
How am I supposed to do this?

At one point Ill run out of energy to fight it or what?
do the urges ever stop?
how have people done this in the past?
cause right now theres like a 3% success rate of reboots
thats crazy low
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on October 13, 2019, 02:51:29 AM
Day 21:
Feeling pretty sick and shitty
reboot doing good
first day at new job
noticed some girls that were older which I was really attracted to for some reason

started getting hard behind one of them
I couldnt really control myself and also didnt wanna stop the feeling I had towards them
and they were not that much my type but I felt so attracted anyway
feels good

I feel like thats how my body should be when functionning normally



I want to enjoy as much sex as I can in this life
fuck being productive I just wanna enjoy myself most of the time were all gunna die
I'm only doing the reboot to enjoy it more and enjoy it with someone else too so lets not even kid ourselves there

everyone giving the argument that youll have more time if you stop jerking off can fuck off no offense
I get it but damn
if youd rather read a book then have sex kill yourself

Its 3:48 am and im just saying shit right now
dont take anything I say seriously or do, I dont care as long as youre not giving me shit about it on here

still not sure if ima stop jacking off but right now I gotta do 100 days no pmo well see how we feel about this after.thst
gooodnigjt



Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on October 13, 2019, 12:43:47 PM
Day 22:
just went on a crazy roadrage
going high speeds, burned a light and screamed in my car as loud as I could while listenning to death metal
I felt possesed  or some shit
Im at the gym now so I can put it to good use

so much anger resurfacing...
I cant control it
its stronger than anything
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on October 14, 2019, 12:12:35 AM
about the roadrage, I was still in control and being safe though.. just so you know. anyway, the gym really let off steam
highly recommend if youre really angry
almost snapped some shit on my first two set though
my arms were hurting
you can do so much more at the gym while angry its incredible its like a 20% power gain

anyway enough about that I dont even feel like thinking about this
being pissed off and angry is not vibed I wanna share with people anymore

I try to keep the anger at bay but when I supress it I just become depressed like I have been lately
depression comes when I hold the anger or other emotions inside
and the more I hold it the bigger the unloading of it is

porn wise im doing good
Im flatlining right now which is both good and bad
its good cause I can stack some days for my goals
but its bad cause im in worse shape sexually then I thought

Im quite fucked and need lots of time to heal


feeling bad vibes right  now
the mental and physical is not at its greatest
but ive been much much worse so nothing to worry about

still i never have a reason not to try to feel my best
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on October 14, 2019, 12:14:52 PM
Day 23:
Not really in a flatline but kinda
its weird
drove off the gym and I still felt anger inside of me
2 people cut me off at the same time and it really pissed me off
Im thinking of getting a push bar to ram those fucks
people ask me why I drive like an asshole..

anyway I saw a cute teen girl on my way back and she smiled at me
I could see she was attracted to me and it made me feel better, even though shes too young for me

anyway
the anger comes from my body not getting what it wants
I know that now
right now it might be sex

I've notice I become very violent when I'm hungry so I must avoid that

other than that doing pretty good
been posting alot on here cause I dont talk to people and dont feel like talking to people alot so I must empty some thoughts
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on October 21, 2019, 04:01:25 PM
30 days

feeling alright
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Free-man on October 22, 2019, 01:55:56 AM
Congratulations for your first month!!!
You're doing great man.
Keep going on it. Stay strong
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on October 23, 2019, 12:41:36 AM
Thanks man
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on October 23, 2019, 12:51:25 AM
Almost relapsed right now
its hard not to think about sex when you cant fall asleep
theres a girl at school I cant stop thinking about..

I still like shemales
even though I want to be done with that it wont happen
its there for life
hopefully when I have a gf I wont have to fulfill tranny urges
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Numezz on October 23, 2019, 07:52:26 AM
You are only little over a month on nofap so dont judge your results yet. first two months things usually gets worse, only around 3rd month you will see more regular positive progress but not always. If you dont like your shemale attraction, it will fade away with time and only your natural attractions will remain or come to the surface.

If you are thinking about sex every time you lay down to sleep, thats a prescription for relapse. Why you think about it? Because you are lonely? Bored? What problem you are coping with sex thoughts? Discomfort of laying down in bed? Change the coping mechanism. If you cant sleep, get out of the bed and go for a walk. There is no point in laying in bed and thinking about sex when you cant fall asleep.

Every time you crave porn (think about sex), think about what you are actually feeling? Its probably loneliness or boredom. Maybe sadness and depression, anger?? Whatever, find other ways to give yourself a break. Dont look for dopamine that comes from thinking about sex as a solution that makes you feel better in certain situation. Thats a highway to relapse. Your brain is wired to feel horny and crave porn in a lot of problematic situations because you used porn a lot of times in the past to escape a lot of different things. This escapism mechanism only deepens the problem that you are trying to escape. Look what is behind a craving and deal with it in different ways or you will stay stuck in porn addiction like most porn addicts.

Its hard sometimes for me to explain myself fully in english. Better listen this guy yourself if you wanna get out of the relapse loop: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J55TZ0JaJXY&list=PL38uJEf-kRcaI0d2I9M_IjGWMFkHk8qCC    and follow the instructions from reboot regimen
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on October 24, 2019, 12:12:52 AM
actually feel all of these things, depression, lonelyness  boredom and sometimes alot of anger
also when I'm tired I get depressed so thats why I need the most rest I can get

I dont know if I like my shemale attraction
i would prefer being only focused on women

I think extra sexual energy is keeping me awake
I just went to gym and I'm not more tired than usual

I don't know whats behind all these feeling of anger and depression
but Im not enjoying life as much as I would like to
Im kinda just floating through it
I lack drive and motivation

the only thing im pumped and makes me less dead is the gym

and also what progress am I supposed to see?

I can't help myself but think about sex
everyone always talk about having a girlfriend
and I'm not even in the position where I could have one
even if I get one Im not sure shell be able to fill the depressed and empty feeling I live with
but sure life would be better

but another part of me says i should learn to live with myself first
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on October 24, 2019, 01:00:12 AM
fuck this
Ill just go to sleep at 2 am every night
ill be depressed and tired but its better than relapsing
ive been way to close from relapsing i cant allow myself to slip
I wanna make it
im serious about this im fucking tired of failing its been like 3 years since i first thought about quitting

no jerking off for 90 days or 2020 lets do this shit!!
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on October 24, 2019, 07:04:12 PM
Day 33:
Im aiming for 45 days right now
baby steps baby
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Numezz on October 25, 2019, 09:42:47 AM
Day 33:
Im aiming for 45 days right now
baby steps baby
good numbers, doing good
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on October 26, 2019, 06:38:50 PM
Day 35:

Feeling more stable now
havent had urges lately




Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on October 29, 2019, 12:55:54 AM
Day 38:

one more week and im halfway to the 90 day goal
feeling pretty good
I'm being kinda social at school and at work which I think is good for me

Feeling kinda bad when reading others people journal though
everyone seems to be doing well with girls or atleast having some kind of contact with them and I'm not at all
I will stop reading them and focus on my own progress instead

Anyway I'm not at the point where I can fuck girls yet
but I can still meet some and I think this is a good moment since I'm not so thirsty right now

I will probably get another job wich I have female co-workers soon
I think its the best way for me to meet women

I think I'll show interest without being a try-hard when it comes to women
Its more natural, attractive and shows youre not as needy

If you need to try really hard to get the girl, she probably doesnt have that much interest in you anyway right?


other than that, still thinking about shemales sometimes.
kinda dont feel like people would understand if I told them I like shemales and they would think im gay

but the other part of me wants to be honest and true to the people around me
Im not ashamed to tell people I used to watch shemale porn
but actually sucking a trans is another thing to admit

I'm sure my friends would fuck with me with that if I told them Lol


Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on October 29, 2019, 09:07:53 PM
Just watched a video of fearless dan about Kanye West coming out about his porn addiction
I used to kinda hate this guy but now I kinda like him for that
this was unexpected

Believe it or not the no fap movement is still pretty unknown to most people
I think seeing Kanye talk about this will open some eyes

Social media is just as bad imo and we dont realize it
I was just thinking this before watching the kanye vid

we've numbed ourself with it just like we did with porn
and I need to stop using it that much (youtube and shit, so many hours of wasted time)

I think it has a big part to play with boredom and depression
and people around us using it makes it hard for people to socialize with people that are always on their cellphone

I'm so bored man, I feel lifeless
I'm stuck in the same old boring routine
I need to change shit up

I was thinking of going to live somewhere with no technology
like do some kind of social media reboot
but I need to adopt this lifestyle where I live too







Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on October 31, 2019, 06:36:53 PM
Day 40:

5 day till im halfway there
no urges lately
going pretty smooth
 70+ days is going to be the hardest part I think
my first reboot ever I relapsed around day 75

I'm feeling kinda angry and irritable
smoking a lil cigar help take the edge off
I know smoking is not good for the body
but it helps me calm down and stay present
its the only bad habbit I have now

I'm still thinking about shemales
but girls not so much unless I see them
I think its cause im not horny enough
I'm planning to get with another trans after the 90 or 100 days maybe if I dont meet any girl

I wannna explore before Im settled with someone
I want to enjoy being with a shemale but a big part of me wants to have a really bad experience so I can stay away from them for awhile and focus on potential partners instead

Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on November 02, 2019, 06:28:10 PM
Day 42:

woke up with nut butter all over my bed
first wet dream
cleaned it up and tried going back to sleep but
I couldnt
I was way too horny and started fantasizing
started jacking off then stopped myself 3 times then I got up to try to stop myself but I just had no more willpower to stop

I relapsed
I went back to sleep and had another wet dream after that

I'm not even mad
I tried my best to fight it
I'm not back to square one and I made alot of progress
one porn-free relapse wont do much damage

I'm gunna try to still do the 48 days left trying not to relapse again

didnt expect to relapse this soon
right when I thought I was smooth sailing I get fucked..

but its fine its not about the 90 days
its about changing lifestyle for good
the challenge is only a tool to help
or for people who have a big ego who wanna brag

but props to the people whove done 90 days
thats hard



anyway
if i would jerk off every 42 days quickly without porn thats a win
thats enough to fix my dick

porn is the main enemy
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on November 10, 2019, 11:55:09 PM
Since my last post I shit got out of hand

After my relapse I got horny and looked up trans escorts online
found one but she ended up not being available
long story short I spent all week trying to find a shemale to fuck but all I ended up doing was using those sites like porn
I didnt jerk off to anything but at the end of looking ads up i always ended up jerking off

did that all week then contacted one that I didnt want to fuck cause she looked too much like a dude cause I was desperate and horny
that was today...
I just got back from there and didnt end up fucking him cause he was digusting
that was a dude

like theres no way id hit that,
for me to be attracted I must not be able to tell it ever looked like a man

anyway, I left and he wanted money cause I cancelled and threatened to post my cell number online
I left anyway

I got home like 30 mins ago then received threats by her pimp (or the tranny posing as her pimp idk)
that he took my plate number and he was gunna beat me up
Lol
and also that he followed me home but that was impossible cause hit like 200km/hr on my way back with another dude so I knew he was bluffing

Also I asked to tell him what my plate number was and he didnt respond
the tranny was pissed and called me names when I left the dirty ass motel lol
he wanted 40 bucks for the wasted time
fuck off

Im I scared of a 40 dollar debt beating? nah
and also he cant even find me so good luck fag

...


Other than that the reboot is going pretty shitty as you can see
I gotta stop going on these sites

life in general is also pretty shitty
but not that shitty
Im just depressed and really bored
I'll try to figure a way to get my shit together soon
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on November 11, 2019, 03:40:07 PM
Relapsed
feeling tired and depressed
I dont feel like doing anything
noticed 2 girls at school today that just couldnt keep my eyes off them

I just feel like giving them affection
I think I need that more than sex

yesterday was a good learning experience
trust your gut more than your cock when it comes to escort ads..
I was so stressed out about meeting the shemale that I lost my appetite, had diharea, a headache and was shaking like crazy, its like my body was trying to stop me


I'm not really craving shemales like I was for the last week today
I wanted to get with a shemale for the last time before I stop but I think I'll focus on real girls instead

just saying this makes me disgusted with myself
the fact that id choose a tranny over a girl
it may be the case for meaningless sex
but If I get a girl a really like Im sure id be fully satisfied

...

I must find a job asap and get back on track with the reboot and everything else before I fall too deep into depression like last winter

Im so brain dead and fucked I need to wake the fuck up and do shit, be sharp and stuff FUCK im tired of living like this

I wanna be surrounded by women 24/7 till I meet one

meeting a girl is the only way I can quit forever I think

Ima go work at starbucks theres plenty of girls there
If anyone is reading and have a good job idea to meet women post it
thanks







Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on November 13, 2019, 02:34:31 PM
only day I didnt relapse was yesterday

I'm so dumb

I actually thought I was done with porn for real this time
but here we are again
fucking day 0

ofcourse I'm gunna relapse if I'm feeling hopeless with meeting women
I dont give a shit if I have pied if I never fuck anyone

I dont know whats going on inside my head
42 days was not that hard now 1 day seems impossible

I need to start rebooting seriously again before I loose all the progress I made if its not already too late


Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on November 18, 2019, 02:06:09 AM
Made it to two days then relapsed again and again

I keep looking up shemale escort ads all the time
I always end up jacking off

Im obsessed with trying to find a trans to fuck
hopefully I find a passable one soon
but I don't know what will happen after
will I be able to move on and focus on girls now that I fulfilled my fantasy or am I gunna crave more?
last time I felt good and I didnt crave more also I didnt jerk off for a week after



I kinda like this fucked up fetish but its a love/hate relationship
I wouldnt want to get rid of it but at the same time it kinda fucks me up from getting in a relationship (I think)

I'm not sure what to do right now
I cant help myself from thinking about shemales
not sure if its cause Im bored, feeling sick or my mind is just at another place right now
usually it aint like this

I'm kinda lost and blinded
dont know what I want anymore
except feed the addiction
thats one of the reason its hard for me to do anything about it



Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on November 19, 2019, 10:20:58 PM
No luck finding shemales
contacted one yesterday but didnt respond
she got over 4000 views on her ad in 2 days
thats crazy

I cant believe how many people are seeking them out
ended up jerking off twice, once to tranny porn..
yes I know its bad
I know I should stop

Dont even know what changed to make me not give a shit

I have an idea that might explain it
I've been overtraining for awhile and my body was strugguling to recover and I think thats why I wasnt horny very much
its like when youre sick you dont wanna jack off that much cause your body is busy with something else
same shit might apply

since I stopped training to fully recover thats when I lost it
training is my number one addiction and its hard to cope when im not going to the gym and have all that extra free time
I replaced a good addiction with a bad one

hopefully when I start training again next week Ill stop fucking up and move in a good direction again with my life


...


I don't post much anymore cause I'm fucking up right now
I was doing good and now everything went to shit and I aint even the least bit upset which is even more fucked

at least the shame of having to post this might help me a bit to get better even though its not much
when sucking tranny dick has become everyday talk I dont really know how to be ashamed of stuff lol
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on November 21, 2019, 10:43:29 PM
Feeling shitty
my mind and body are fucked up
I jerked off twice in a row to shemales 2 days ago and it was a good move cause it left me fucking disgusted with myself
now I dont feel like watching porn at all

I found an attractive trans but I'm so fucked up Im really not in the mood for anything
bad timing

hope tomorrow will be better



Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on November 24, 2019, 07:09:47 PM
I've been sick
doing pretty good though
I thought my mind was sick so Im kinda relieved

Ive been way more horny this last month since I stopped training
when I fucked up my tricep last month I realized my whole body was overtrained
one side effect of overtraining is loss of sexual appetite or however you wanna call it
so if youre training too much and have PIED, consider slowing down to see if youre state improoves

ill begin a new training routine not exceeding 14 sets per workout and not going to failure, thats training advice from the hodgetwins

...


other than that, still jacking off sometimes
most of the time when I check ads
but usually not when looking at pics
and I do it very quickly

I know this is not optimal but I atleast I dont edge and watch porn for 1 hour + like I used to do





Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on November 26, 2019, 06:46:18 PM
Just woke up from a nap
I was checking escort ads and I received a call
almost denied the call cause it was a number from another region
I picked up and it was a girl and she was like whats up?

I didnt quite recognize her and she was like do you remember me?
it was the girl that I used to work with...
she wanted to see me or do something
right now

what the fuck
women are fucked up

I didn't say no but I got her number back cause she called me and I don't know what to do
I'm in shock and will process this

she was playing games last time we spoke or was mad that I didnt really love her or some shit
didnt even know if she liked me but I know we got along well and she talked about sex with me all the time and let me slap her ass with a spatula once Lol...

what does she want? to fuck me or fuck with me?



Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on November 26, 2019, 07:36:55 PM
Alright, just got prank call and fell for it
I'm dumb
it was that bitch

I forgot she was like 16 and why you shouldnt fuck with girls this age

Thats what happens when you only think with your dick
Im so fucking stupid
and I deserve it
This is a good learning experience

I'm way too thirsty..

In situations like this I only hear what I wanna hear you know
its like I don't wanna ever assume its bs even if the odds are 99 against one

I knew this couldnt be real but my dick made it possible

also she called when my dick was hard... like she fucking knew..

Im fucking done man
Ill either get a real girlfriend my age thats serious or jerk off and fuck trannies till I die
I wont settle for immature 16 year old bitches to get my dick sucked... at least I shouldnt..

well fuck boys
another lesson learned
or the same fucking lesson I didnt learn in the begginning
Its starting to get imprinted in my dumb ass brain now...

Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Numezz on November 27, 2019, 06:29:27 AM
how old are you? is 16 a minor in your state? In my country 14 is legal age for sex if she is consent. Thats just the law though, I could imagine peoples reaction if they knew that someone slept with a 14 yo.
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on November 29, 2019, 08:05:43 PM
she is 16 or 17 and the legal age is 16
I cant imagine sleeping with a 14 yr old that would be fucked up
even under 18 should be illegal cause girls that age are so immature 

Usually I wouldnt even think about sleeping with girls that age but when you have no other option its hard not to

like they say, a hard dick knows no conscience

and I didnt even think about what people would think if I slept with a 16 yr old, I was on nofap at that time for the first month and I was acting out of pure animal instinct without any afterthoughts

and shes not a poor little innocent normal 16 yr old shes the biggest slut and she dresses like it, tight yoga pants, showing off her tits and talking about sex all the time...

I have SOME self control but damn

But oh well its no big loss she was pretty ugly, immature and now I realize kinda of a fucked up bitch even though we got along pretty good


anyway..
I was listenning to the song dead & gone by TI this morning and in the intro they say something like

  what matters more than the mistakes you made is what you've been able to learn from them

well I've hopefully learned not to fuck with immature underaged girls
at least be more careful... and act less needy
cause im not saying i wont fuck one if I get the chance cause im dumb, horny and a stubborn mothafucka


Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on November 29, 2019, 08:31:08 PM
I havent found any shemale escorts
I've become addicted to looking up ads
I do it twice a day
It made me fall back into porn and my addiction is getting worse

I didn't even want to acknownledge this so I could act like everything is fine

I need slap myself and get a job now so I can meet women
I keep thinking about it but dont do shit
cause im scared to go work at starbucks
I'm kinda disgusted by this place
its like too fake and trendy and only girls and soy boys work there  (at least thats my thoughts of it, I may be wrong)
my ego hurts thinking about it lol

but fuck, there lots of girls so I must try alteast
and I hear Elliott Hulse saying " do the shit youre scared of"
in the back of my head

I'm going to go get a coffee there and see if its bad
i might check out other coffee spots too



Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on December 01, 2019, 01:38:54 PM
Day 2:

feels good to be porn free even if its just a day
I'll try to forget shemales for as long as possible and keep myself pmo free

I wont get a job a starbucks just to try and meet women
I'm sure I can get less shitty job and stay true to myself while meeting women too
A better job means probably older women more my age rather then 16 yrs old sluts
I'm thinking a legit restaurant thats not fast food

If I just talk to women daily I'm sure pmo'ing would be less tempting
cause right now things are fucking dead and I have no hope of meeting any women ever if I keep going on like this

I've been saying the same shit over and over in my head for years
always the same thoughts and nothing comes out of it
just a pure fucking waste of time
making me more and more depressed each time I think about it



Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on December 08, 2019, 10:49:49 PM
relapsed

I'm happy with the fact that I dont even think about or want to watch porn vids
sure I look a shemale ads and sometime end up jacking off to them but its way less harmfull than porn cause theres not even nudity most of the time


this is progress for me even though some people might not look at it this way
I dont feel like I'm at square one at all
seeking out real shemale is the way to go right now cause I think its whats keeping me from going ape shit with porn


.


Some of you guys reading might have trouble understanding or find that fucked up that straight guys wanna fuck shemales

If you wanna know, this is how the evolution of shemale attraction happened for me:
first I got into futanari, some animated girls with cock (hantai type shit)
then real girls with fake dicks (still women so its ok)
then real girl with dicks ( didnt know it was actually dudes with tits)

after awhile I realized there wasnt actually any girl with dicks and it was all males and I was disgusted

but it didnt stop me from watching it and after years and it became normal and I got used to it
I used to type t-girls on google instead of shemales cause I thought they t-girls were actually girls
but now I could type crossdresser and find a passable pic and jerk off to it and its pretty normal

I used to tell myself I would never actually fuck a shemale in real life cause it would make me gay or some shit but now I dont care about what it means I just do what I want

anyway you cant become gay as far as im aware of, youre either gay or youre not
with the amount of fucked up shit I watched Im sure if it was possible to become gay It would have already happened to me lol



Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on December 10, 2019, 09:10:41 PM
Just opened up my computer for the first time in awhile (weeks)
I was only using my cellphone for everything but an hour ago I bent it really hard cause I was really pissed
It started burning and now it smells like shit in the house

I'm not even mad

I feel depression creeping up on me
Its hard to say if I'm depressed or just really bored
I think its both
I feel like a limp dick

Not sure if looking at escort ads like an addict may be the cause of that cause I think its just as bad as porn to be honest
All that bottled up anger might be also feeding the depression
keeping feelings inside make you depressed
the opposite of depression is expression it seems
But I never let any anger out except when I cant keep it in anymore

I wrote a whole paragraph but deleted it cause fuck it
I don't wanna think anymore it just fucks me up more
I never get any answers to the questions I ask myself

Thinking just makes things worse
I need to do more stuff instead

Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on December 25, 2019, 11:18:59 PM
Pretty shitty day
havent felt that depressed in a really long time
didnt even eat diner or see my family at all
been feeling sick also so that doesnt help
tomorrow will be better

Finally fucked another shemale about 2 weeks ago
A fully functional one this time
She was asian and looked very passable
I did pretty much everything with the the ts (yeah that too lol, it kinda hurt but I enjoyed it)
I didn't remember how much stress it gives you before you go and fuck one, its really hard to explain
I wrote a list of all the symptoms on my phone but I broke it today (again)
but it looks like that:
-shaking
-anxiety
-light headache
-diahrea
-loss of appetite
-loss of hornyness
-obessive thinking
-elevated heart beat

It was hard to get hard at first cause I was really stressed but I managed to perform


Now that I've done this I haven't really checked that much ts ads except once or twice out of habbit or curiosity but I don't actually plan to fuck another tranny in the near future

I watched porn only 2 or 3 times since then which is better than porn ads everyday but still not optimal
I even watched non-tranny porn which felt weird

I felt disgusted with myself watching tranny porn the night before so I tested out if regular porn would do the same thing and it didn't

From now, like I said, I'm done with shemale porn and shemales in general for as long as I can
I can't keep doing this

Also fuck porn in general but when I'm this low mentally its hard to avoid sometimes cause I don't give a shit anymore
But a good thing is I feel so sick and shitty these days that I'm not even horny at all

2020 is a new fucking era, I'll try to start fresh, get a new job, and maybe some pussy with extra cum on the side
Props to everyone who's done no porn till christmas or whatever you guys are doing
And for those like me who didn't do shit you can start fresh in a couple days so its ok
merry. fucking. christmas.




Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on December 29, 2019, 11:07:36 PM
Still flatlining
Sex drive is pretty much non-existant so I'm not even thinking about sex at all
That shemale stuff fucked my brain a bit and set me back but I think it was a necessary step in the evolution of whatever the fucks happening

Now I think I'm ready to leave all that behind, at least I want to

Had a dream about kissing a girl and it felt pretty good
I feel like I naturally want a women more than an tranny now its not like I'm pushing myself to want girls instead of trans

I thought about fucking a mistress (domination type shit) a couple weeks ago when I found out I was into that type of shit but I wont do that

Trannys I can say to myself its ok since I most likely wont ever find one in real life to fuck so its ok but women I'm supposed to have this shit handled and to me its just sad if I have to pay for that
Even for sex in general

But maybe ill pull up to the sex dungeon if I get super sad and depressed cause I cant find any women

I'll get a job on the weekends real soon so I'll have more opportunities at least
But I'm lazy with looking for jobs
I need a big slap in the fucking face and my parents to kick me out the house please

Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on January 03, 2020, 05:47:09 PM
Relapsed yesterday
I typed big booty judy on youtube looking for the song and ended up... yeah you know, girl, big tiddies, doing stretches, ends up MO on cam

Last time I jerked off before that was the day after I fucked a tranny like on dec 10 or some shit

sure the beginning of the decade is kinda fucked if I wanted to do a streak but I still did like 20 days porn free


Also I ended up watching actual girls not some trannys so thats good
I didnt edge and busted in less than 2 mins so the damage is not the worst

I still feel like somethings wrong with my cock
20 days without being horny is weird



I feel l need a challenge in my life
things are fucking boring
If you could die of boredom id sure be dead

As soon as I figure out I'm in the right place job-wise I'll get my own place
And start being a strong, independant black woman who DON'T NEED NO MAN      L00l
Should probably stack up some cash first tho






Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on January 19, 2020, 02:22:01 PM
Feeling kinda shitty
saw a pretty girl at the store
I could tell she liked me (I think)
She was smiling alot and very open
She dropped the machine to pay by card

I don't know what to do in those kinds of situations
I don't wanna sound fake and compliment her hair or some bullshit that will lead to nothing
But I also wanna show that I like her

I always end up going back to my car feeling like total fucking shit

I used to litterally wanna kill myself when that happened
I felt that bad
Now I think I got used to it a bit more

I used to watch pickup videos and try to pickup girl at the mall but it lead to nothing
I went to the mall just for that at least 60 times and always ended up screaming and my car
then later crying like a little bitch
I stopped doing that awhile back

Next time I go to the store I'll try to make small talk
even though its hard for me I'll force myself to do my best without being boring
I'll ask if they're looking to hire people there (yes its a little creepy but idc)
also I don't know her age so that may be a problem
she looks like she could be 16 or 20 I'm not good with guessing age
I'm not a pedophile I just like small 100 pounds cute girl no matter if they are 16 or 30


...



Had a dream where I was fucking a shemale last night
doing some frottage (dont google this if you dont know what it is)
I think my mind is trying to get me back into shemale stuff but I wont
I'm fucking done with this man I want a girl

Havent been horny for awhile except the last 3 days I jerked off twice
but I was brief and to girls kissing on youtube so at least its soft, non-shemale stuff
This is progress for me

Other than that I haven't had anything to share lately so thats why I didnt post

I think talking about not watching porn still puts porn on your mind so thats a negative of this forum
But I still think this forum is a must for recovery
at least it is for me
but it should be used wisely


I'm not on a official reboot right now but watch stuff very rarely so I'm kinda going with the flow
Flatlining alot so I'm just trying to regain my sex drive
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Zel99 on January 20, 2020, 02:31:55 AM
The flatline is going to take some time. You should use it as a time to focus on other things. I'm in a flatline right now myself. It sucks so bad, but I'm using it as a chance to stay away from PMO. Having no sex drive makes it easier to quit.

Seems like you're in a rough spot. Let's take things one step at a time and focus on why we chose to reboot in the first place. It helps me to read success stories and watch Gabe's videos when I'm feeling insecure and doubtful. Good luck.
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on January 21, 2020, 12:17:50 AM
Yeah I'm almost never think about porn or sex since since I'm on a flatline
I don't ever consider myself as rebooting right now
Not even sure what I'm doing
but I'm making progress and my porn use has really decreased more and more as time go

Baby steps are the key to rebooting
at least for me

Flatline sucks but its the best at the same time cause its free porn-free days and its a sign you're healing (in most cases)

thanks for commenting
good luck to you too
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on January 25, 2020, 01:48:17 PM
havent relapsed in about a week
almost did yesterday but I said to myself if I'm not horny enough to jerk off in less than a min without porn than I dont need a release

checked shemales escort ads yesterday out of habbit
its been a while since I checked them and I dont know why I needed to
I didnt get any pleasure out of it and it seems the shemale fetish is still at bay
I'm feeling good about that

Feeling sexually frustrated right now
My feelings and attraction towards women are back to normal
I can feel it in my whole body sometimes

I just went to the gym and saw some beautiful girls who got me really frustrated sexually
I feel attracted to way more women than I was before
I'm way less picky

But everytime I see a girl I like I think shes the one for me and were gunna fall in love and shes perfect but its just a fantasy
I create in my head

It even happened when the girl was very ugly

I'm asking myself if being too horny is bad for relationship cause it blinds you

makes me think about a joe rogan podcast where he say you need to jerk off before a date
cause otherwise you dont know if you actually like the girl or youre horny
its impossible for me to tell the difference





Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on January 26, 2020, 02:57:58 PM
Today the same shit happened that I talked yesterday
I met this girl at the store last week who seemed into me and I was into her too at that time
I fantasized about her a few days through the week and how I was gunna come next week to tell her shes cute or ask her out
but when I came to see her about an hour ago she wouldnt even make eye contact with me and left
Also I felt bad cause she looked 15 and wasnt even attractive to me at all, I felt digusted that I would even think of getting with her
what the fuck
I cant trust myself







 
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on January 28, 2020, 10:16:22 PM
Back on the flat line
which is good
my dick still needs alot of healing I think

maybe me not getting a girlfriend right now is actually the best thing for me
even though it sucks
you dont ever really know whats good or bad
things that you think are bad right now can actually be good but you dont know it yet

one good thing about not having a girlfriend is youre free to travel wherever you wanna go
I'm gunna use this perk while I still can and travel pretty soon

This doesnt mean I wont try to meet women, but its just something to think about when I feel like it sucks not to have a gf

The better I feel the less I'll want to watch porn cause I feel like shit




Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on February 08, 2020, 06:47:22 PM
Relapsed yesterday
Jerked off to an asmr video

I was working early so I got in bed early but ended up not falling asleep and watching asmr videos which I relapsed to

Still on a flatline, yesterday was just too much stimulation not to break it

Felt like I havent jerked off in months but its been like 2 weeks or something lol



Kinda depressed about women
But kinda numb to it too at this point
I cant really complaint though
I'm alright and its better than most people can say


I've watched alot of prison stuff on netflix these days
It helps me cope with things
To see people who didnt even get a chance in life now have to life the rest of their days in prison for something stupid
You don't realise how bad can shit get

You see everyone posting fake ass posts of how everything in their life is amazing but you dont see half of the people who got a shitty life



This is just something to keep in mind when you feel depressed or shitty
some peoples whole life are depressed and shitty and they have no power to change their circumstances
We do


Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on February 12, 2020, 04:23:13 PM
Not feeling great
relapsed yesterday
I can hear my brother fucking upstairs
real nice

I swear if I ever get a girlfriend while I'm in still living in this house ill fuck the shit out of her with the door open

Valentines day is coming
fuck

I feel like doing a full blown relapse and go on a 3 hour porn binge till I cant feel shit
But I wont cause Ill feel worse after
and its gunna set me back 3 fucking months probably

Right now I need to go the fuck to sleep as soon as theyre done and stop watching any kind of girl vids thats gunna make me relapse again


feeling so fucking hopeless of finding a girl that I ain't even trying no more
has been this way for years and its not changing
I need to actively think about it

Ima try to sign up for a sport or some shit
I need alteast 2-3 outlets of place to meet girls










Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on April 20, 2020, 09:35:44 PM
Though it would be a good time to dig the old journal back now that I have a lot of time on my hands
I can't believe the journal has reached 10k view, damn

I don't usually read back anything I write cause I wanna keep it real and raw and think I would end up deleting some stuff I wrote but
I can see by reading my last post that I didn't leave things on a good note

I'm on a whole different mindset right now
My dick isn't controlling me for the moment and I can think clearly
I've been flatlining since December except for one or two moments where I relapsed
Had a wet dream last night, have been having those about once a month



Now that I don't care about women at all for the moment I can see stuff more objectively and I've changed my ways of thinking alot for the better
Sure I might go back to my fucked up ways when I start getting horny again but lets not focus on that

Watched alot of videos on hooking up and stuff, mainly by a guy named Elliott Hulse, who helped me view things from a different perspective
He talks about why you shouldn't waste your time hooking up and rather find a wife and make a family

All this time I was obsessed with finding a girl to fuck and now I'm thinking of taking my time to find a real girlfriend/wife

Men get better as they age while women are in their prime while they're young so right now if you're in your twenties and are a man, women have more power to choose cause they're at their ''peak sexual market value''

but when you're gunna be in your 30's you're gunna be in your prime and have the big end of the stick
meanwhile single hot 30 yrs old girls that didnt wanna sleep with you will get less and less attractive and are gunna get desperate to settle down and have a family, so they're gunna come back to you and you're gunna tell em to fuck off and go fuck younger girls instead.. well maybe not litterally but you know what I mean

Anyway...

So now I'm focused on my career and getting money, being independant once and for all without having to come back to sucking on my mother's tits everytime something go wrong
Time to leave the nest once everything goes back to normal

Right now Its been almost 4 months I've been flatlining and I gotta keep clear from porn cause the recovery periods are gunna get longer and longer each time I relapse

I've been thinking about a new way of counting relapses that I think is superior than what are most guys using right now

Instead of using streak days, use the number of times your jerk off
for example for 2020 I would be at like one or 2 relapses
The least time you jerk off to porn the better it is
It doesn't matter if you got a 90 day streak if you're gunna jerk off for seven days straight when you relapse


Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on April 26, 2020, 12:46:25 AM
Still on the flatline
my mind is feeling just like my dick
dead and numb
I've had enough of it

Everyone acts like everything is normal but its not for me, I'm fucked in the head
I can't do normal shit and be fine

I think porn had a big role to do with how I'm feeling right now
hormones fuck with your brain and if they're not right then you brain is not right

Staying at your house 24/7 makes it worse



As soon as the sun comes up I'll be heading east
I don't know what I'm gunna do but all I know is I cant keep living like this
I don't even fucking care if I get infected at this point
I hope they open the schools and stuff soon so I can come back and directly start gaining my sanity back or else I'll have to find a job and a place to live there







Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on April 27, 2020, 07:17:16 PM
Well things didn't really go as planned
I got cock-blocked at a road block only about an hour from my house
I told them I had to go buy something for work there but they didnt let me through cause I needed a work permit

this sucks

they should just leave the virus loose and let the weak people die
bunch of pussies
this does more harm than good what the governement is doing Imo
but let's not talk about that

anyway.. I still drove all day yesterday in randoms roads in the country and it did some good
cried for about 30 mins for no reason
I never cry and thats what happens when you never let anything out, it just becomes too much and then I force it out
I think holding it in doesnt help with my depressed state
they say expression is the opposite of expression
while I believe this is true its not so simple
still, you gotta cry sometimes, scream
let everything out


well now I'm stuck at home for I don't know how long
probably aint gunna do much except trying to keep myself busy till school starts again

started to do edibles again even though I stopped smoking weed a long time ago
not really proud of it but I'm just at that point

I did omad and one meal every other day too, lost some weight and still lifting weight so I'm almost on abs
I weighted myself every day and put in my notes apps, here is my results if you're curious about doing it and wanna know what you can expect... also I don't know what do with that list so might aswell post it somewhere:


OMAD

day 1: 200.2

day 2: 197.2

day 3: 195.4  

day 4: 195

day 5: 192.4

day 6: 192.2

day 7: 191.8

day 8: 191.4

day 9: 190.2

day 10: 189.2

day 11: 188

day 12: 188

day 13: 187.4

day 14: 185.8

day 15: 185.4

day 16: 184.4

day 17: 183.2

day 18: 183.2

day 19: 182.4

day 20: 182.6

day 21: 182.6

day 22: 182.4

day 23: 181.4

day 24: 179.4

day 25: 177.8

day 26: 178

day 27: 178.2

day 28: 177.4

day 29: 177

day 30: 176.4

day 31: 176.8

day 32: 176.4

day 33: 174.8

day 34: 174.4

day 35: 174.2

day 36: 172.4

day 37: 171.4

day 38: -

day 39: 171.2

day 40: 169.2

day 41: 169.4

day 42: 170

day 43: 169.8

day 44: -

day 45: 170

day 46: 168.4

day 47: 167.2

day 48: 168

day 49: 167.6

day 50: 168

day 51: 165.8

day 52: 166.8

day 53: 166.6

day 54: 167.2

day 55: 168.2

OMEOT

day 56: 166.2

day 57: 165.6

day 58: 163.8

day 59: 163.2

day 60: 161.2

day 61: 164

day 62: 162.8

day 63: 163.2

day 64: 161.6

day 65: 160.4

OMAD

day 66: 162

day 67: -

day 68: 160






ok so its kinda a long post and not related to porn but thats what I do here

I think people on here, when they're choosing to reboot, its not only about porn
its about choosing to make their life better
Its the first step and once you make the descision to quit you also choose to make your life better

also the rest of your life also gotta be in good shape if you wanna quit
if you're drinking and smoking weed you're gunna have a harder time watching porn

This is me just laying thoughts there
straight from my head
doing this mainly for myself but I know some people have thoughts like this or feel like shit so they can relate

Even thought this forum was made for porn I use it for pretty much everything cause I think porn affects your whole life and your whole life affects your porn use
if we wanna quit we have to fix everything,
get everything right

Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on April 29, 2020, 10:35:36 PM
I see some things different now
now that I've been off porn for a few months and on a flatline

Its amazing how much porn can twist your mind
When you need that drug, that hit of dopamine, nothing else matters
You're controlled by it
When you make an account on Grindr to try and fuck dudes than changed their sex to become half female and you're not even gay I mean
that is kinda weird

I mean it is right now but not when you do it, when you do it you've escalated very slowly for years and don't even realize it so its normal to you
You don't even give a shit



I've been thinking watching videos that kinda set me on a new way of thinking recently
all these years I've been trying to chase women
its like they're drug dealers and I need what they got
I don't care about how they feel I just want to use them like I use porn
And its not even working, its like I'm not the kind of guy thats built for this
I'm wasting time and it sounds wrong saying it like that

Now that I've been living without sex without any problem I see that I don't need it to live a good life
Not that my life has been great trust me it hasn't but its not worse than it was when I was watching porn
my mind is clearer and depression is gone

I'm thinking now instead of chasing women for sex I'll let them chase me for awhile

I'll spend my time building myself up and becoming a better, stronger, more evolved man
I'll let women do the chasing for a change

Cause when I try its just unnatural and ugly anyway
its fake and weak
women can see this shit
It kinda disgust me
but I learned from it and so now I know what happens


I'm hoping when my sexual energy comes back or whatever you wanna call it, when I get out of my flatline,
I wanna try and just meet women without trying to have sex with them at all
just play it slow

Try to get a wife instead of a human fleshlight
See long term and have a family in the future

Fucking all these women may be fun but I think its a waste of time
and I can't even get any girls anyway so whats the use


I'm kinda enjoying the flatline right now
I think my mind needed the rest just as much as my dick

enjoying the freedom of being single too

two things I never thought I'd ever say but now its true
Sometimes its only a matter of perspective...
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: goingpublic on May 01, 2020, 11:28:43 PM
Good to read from you! Even better to read that you are doing better!

This:
Even thought this forum was made for porn I use it for pretty much everything cause I think porn affects your whole life and your whole life affects your porn use
if we wanna quit we have to fix everything,
get everything right

Wish you the best!
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on May 06, 2020, 02:48:37 PM
Hey thanks for reading man
not feeling really good as I'm writing this lol but I'm sure things will get better

Its funny you bring that quote right now cause I think thats exactly what I need to do

I started doing edibles again and its fucking with my mind right now
I'm still high from the day before

Its making me weak
I need to cut that shit off asap but its hard
when I'm gunna come out of the flatline which I can feel it coming pretty soon I'm gunna need to be sober at all time to have all my mental strenght or I'm gunna relapse and it will kill me

I'm starting to smoke cigars again and I think its better for me right now
I'll try to cut edibles and replace it with that




days are so boring and I don't speak with anyone most days

school is cancelled till autumn so I will have to get a job and might aswell get an appartement
I have to work for something right?
otherwise whats the point

I could do fuck all and stay at my parents place but thats the easy thing to do

Do I wanna take the easy path? fuck no
its gunna make me weak and Ill become a bitch

Like Elliott says I need to push myself off the cliff cause no one is gunna do it for me

I need to leave my comfort zone by myself cause otherwise I'll still be living at my parents house when I'm 30

I'm tired of my dad's shit anyway
I don't speak to one of my brothers anymore
my mother treats me like I'm 15 years old
I don't wanna be mama's boy man
I need to handle my own shit


They say you become the people you hang around with well I'd rather be alone than become like my family
I can hear my dad swearing downstairs
always pissed
giving everyone that negative energy
always fucking complaining and being a fucking bitch

thats right my dad is a pussy
I don't fucking wanna be like him
greedy old fuck
all he cares about is money



Sorry I had to lay that there
I realize I'm complaining and being a negative bitch right now but this had to come out

I don't wanna spread the negativity anymore
all I wanna do is be in nature and listen to reggae or some shit

I'm going insane

There will be massive positive changes happening in my life that needed to happen a long time ago

Changes that are needed to evolve and grow stronger

its spring time motherfuckers! thats when shit grows
thats where you do a lil spring cleaning and throw out the thrash and keep whats good in your life


kinda a long post and I'm high but I hope that made you think about stuff thats what its about
I know it did for me just writing it the ideas came to life

I recommend starting a journal to everyone if you haven't done so already it helps and you're gunna need all the help you can when it comes to quitting porn

I hope everyone is doing well and if you're not I'm sure you'll have something good coming out of the shit you're in



Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on May 07, 2020, 05:46:15 PM
Its very dark inside my head right now
I don't know how to explain it
its like a different kind of depression
maybe its a down feeling from the edibles
I hope it is cause I don't like it lol

Yesterday I threw all my edibles in the garbage disposal
it was about 40 bucks worth
I needed to sacrifice them, I couldnt sell em cause now it means something cause I lost money over it
I'm adding edibles to my blacklist
things I don't plan on doing ever again

I only started doing em cause some people say its processed as a different drug by the liver but thats bullshit
its the same feeling pretty much except theres no cbd in it and it lasts longer than if you smoke weed

I'm done with Weed/edibles and alcohol and porn
3 things I must not touch





I started getting morning woods again
happened I think twice this week which is sign the ol dick is coming back from the grave slowly
I'll have to watch out cause I'm not used to having to control myself
Its been pretty much smooth sailing with the dead dick for awhile but its gunna be different soon

I try not to look at girls as much as I can
I don't even wanna start with this right now
I wanna focus on something else
on work

But fuck thats more than hard

I'm too fucked in the head to make any decision right now
So I'm gunna wait a couples days till the thc is out of my system

then I'll try to get myself in a ''get some major shit done'' mood
I'm already doing more and more shit everyday working on little projects
getting some momentum, getting the ball rolling
so its gunna be easier to do a big move when/if I have to


Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on May 08, 2020, 06:20:38 PM
Feeling better mentally
Something is wrong with my situation at home though
my parents havent talked to me since like 3 days ago
and when I see my father he just gives me the death stare or looks away

Maybe its just the thc fucking with me but I can feel something is wrong, I feel the tension

I'm pretty sure that its because i bashed the walls with my fist and broke a frame that was on my wall

anyway I think its time to get the fuck out of this place

I don't want anything to do with my parents and younger brother right now

I must get them off my life



Other than that I bought a 1400$ kings transformation program from Elliott Hulse
Why the fuck would I do that you ask?
cause I felt like I had to

It didnt think to much and didnt give a fuck anymore
I think it will help me

And just like I am now invested in stopping eating edibles cause I wasted 40 bucks now Im invested way more in making that investement worthwhile


Other than that I'm still hopeful that everything is gunna turn out fine
I had my first non morning wood boner last night I think.
the bird is slowly recovering






Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Jeks on May 09, 2020, 02:12:31 AM
Damn... You have got a lot going on right now. Maybe you should consider a rehab clinic? Maybe therapy? Porn seems not to be your only problem right now.
Anyway, you know that you are the only one, who can change his own life. No one can and will do it for you. Working on your porn use and other addictions is a very good start.

I wish you the best of luck.
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on May 10, 2020, 06:31:59 AM
Hey Thanks Jeks, I really appreciate the feedback,
I've had therapy before and it didn't help
The guy didn't really care at all about solving my problems he was just trying to make me come back so he could get more money from me
Then I went to see another therapist and I had to start the whole process again of explaining everything that was going on and I didn't feel like doing it again so I just left in the beginning of the session
Plus also the therapist looked more depressed than me so how can he fix my problems if he doesn't even have is own shit right lol

Anyway I realize no one really gives a shit but me and thats normal so thats on me to fix my life just like you said
Plus I feel like a pussy for going to therapy
It makes me feel weak
Like I need someone to talk to me about my feelings and stuff
It makes me feel like I'm disabled and need a crutch


I thought my parents were mad at me for something but now I talked to them yesterday a little bit
I don't even know if they were mad or it was just the edibles that were still fucking with my head making me paranoid
I speak to them so rarely that I couldn't tell if they are talking to me less than usual lol
They actually don't seem to know that I still exist its like I'm a ghost or something

They care more about money then their children
but can I blame them thats just how they are
don't ask me why my family is fucked up
I looked up a video on what is a toxic family and thats pretty much mine lol
its like porn addiction by the time you realize its bad you're already fucked in the head


Well enough of that self pity shit I'm doing pretty good this morning
Imma stop being a pussy and do what I gotta do to try and change something

I worked on the lawn yesterday all day and built a fence
woke up at 6 am just like today
thats progress
when you work all day its easy to go to bed at 8
get up when the sun gets up and go down when the sun goes down
thats an item checked off my list
I made a list of shit I need to do and it helps keep me busy

Soon I'll end up with pretty much nothing to do though and I will fall back into depression and bad habbits
thats why I need either a huge project or a job or both
and I need to work for something
either for my own survival or something bigger than myself

I've gained some momentum in the past few days and I gotta keep it up
my flatline is slowly ending and when my feelings for women come back they're gunna hit me hard
so I gotta have all my time filled up as much as I can or I'm gunna relapse and it will be a really bad day




Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Jeks on May 10, 2020, 07:43:28 AM
Hahha i see your point. I only went to a therapist, because i didnt see any other option. The nice thing is, that my therapist told me from day one (maybe day two or three,  i was really depressed at that time), that she wont give me any advice. She will maybe give me input or some ideas or things i could try out, but she wont tell meanything about how to run my life. And i could pretty much agree to this terms, because as we discussed our life is for us to figure out.
The nice thing about therapy, i find, is, that by someone asking you (good) questions and you answering them, you get this feeling that you start to understand things better. I always compare it to learning for a test. Maybe you have read something and you think you understand it, but by someone asking you questions you often notice, that you didnt understand it fully or maybe not at all. But when you are able to give a genuin answer to someone, you also feel like that you understand it and fully grasped it.
But i mean i was desperate...  I think you can also have some sort of this experience with good friends or also maybe here in the forum. But when you feel like you are really stuck, you should maybe consider it once more. Just something to think about. And you also have to find a good one of course. Mine is a cognitive therpapist. Maybe this style of therapy suits you also.

Good luck to you man
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on May 11, 2020, 07:16:28 AM
To be honest I think it really did help and make a difference seeing a therapist, its just that after a while I got better and I stopped seeing him but I'm not sure I got better because of him

It made me think about stuff and release some things I didn't know I had in me and I don't regret seeing him

Its just that a therapist wont fix depression
he might help you but its not like a permanent solution to what your problem really is and then your set for life

Youre right about having this same experience here on the forum
this is my therapy
a therapist mostly just listens to you
so I can do the same thing on here and talk to even more people

Even better, to some people who actually care about what I have to say and can get something out of it or just entertainement
I feel like putting my thoughts on here make them real and gets them out of my head
once I write it my mind is clearer and I can process what needs to be done in a better way


...



I watched a video last night where Elliott Hulse and his father speak called "without strong families we have nothing"
it starts off really slow but gets very very intense
I cried towards the end, it hit me hard
I recommend watching for everyone who wants to have a family one day

I feel like it was me speaking
or he was speaking about my parents
they have a nice big house, luxury cars
but their family is weak and falling appart
they care more about things then people
and to me its disgusting
it really sucks

But one good thing I get out of this is that I'm planning on having a family and you best fucking believe I'm gunna give them all the time, love and attention they need cause I know the pain of a weak family, and right now I don't consider my family to BE a family at all so I wanna make a real one, where people love and support eachother






Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on May 12, 2020, 10:19:49 AM
No matter how much you try and avoid it you always end up finding sexual or sexy pictures or vids on the internet
whether its on youtube or on netflix (thats the main two for me)

And it really affects me just seeing these breefly
I stumbled on something like that yesterday and during the night I had thoughts or dream (cant remember) about naked girls and even shemales too

it has to do with the fact that my flatline is ending too
but those triggers don't help

Also my sexual frustration will be coming back and I don't know how I'm gunna deal with
I'm angry pretty often even on the flatline but when I come out 100% its gunna get ugly and dangerous

I need to find a some kind of relief, I've tried training but it just makes it worse and when I train very angry my muscles hurt and I'm on the verge of snapping shit up

One of the option would be jerking off without porn but I don't think its a good idea cause I'm too addicted to porn
I've tried it many times but what happen most time is when you allow yourself to do it once that means you allow yourself to donit all the time, all least with me its all or nothing

and one day you try to jerk off and youre not horny enough so what do you do to get your dopamine hit? thats right you watch porn once

then when I watch porn once I already relapse at this point so I say to myself hey! I might aswell get the most pleasure out of it then you do it again for like 3 days

and after that you realize that you fucked all your progress
been there done that

I'm gunna try to do some research on ways you can get rid of your sexual frustration and feelings

I haven't done that since I started this journal so its time I think
there must be new valueable information I need to know out there

I know theres hour long videos from the program I bought available to me right now so that will be a good start

I will post useful information I got from them on this thread once I've gone through those and reflected on them
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Numezz on May 13, 2020, 04:15:06 AM
training is great for anger, stress and everything. its good for the brain. dont do excuses for training, do some cardio workouts instead. light workout is perfect if you are not already fit and habituated workout artist. dont push yourself too hard (keep it at 50-60% of your max intensity). focus on consistency.

reboot causes psychological problems and working out wont prevent it but it will help in reducing it. there are no fixes for reboot, only band aids. if you have bad temper after working out, its normal, workout still helps.
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on May 13, 2020, 07:05:43 AM
I've been weight training 3 times a week for about 5 years and I know what I'm doing by now its just that last time I trained when I was very angry my muscles hurt like never before

weight training exhausts the specific muscles more than my whole body and maybe I should start running again
getting a little sweat on, doing some cardio and getting the whole system completely exhauated
I'll try that
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on May 13, 2020, 07:37:39 AM
I had a wet dream during the night
I hate that shit, I have a whole mess upstairs to clean that I don't wanna get into right now

I just woke up and realize I'm almost done with the projects I had to do on my list
The last couple days have been great I've been moving all day constantly almost never sitting down or being inside
the wheater is getting hotter too so thats awesome

Once I'm done with all my projects at home I'm going to have nothing to do
thats a fact
and I'm probably gunna go back to the state I was which is depressed, loose the momentum that I built of waking up early
and other good habbits
will be tempted to jerk off too if I get horny and bored at the same time

So as hard at is might be right now my only option is to go find an appartement I have to pay for and get kinda broke so I'm forced to get a job
I have to light a fire under my ass to push me or I'm not gunna do shit

I'm not driven by money I don't wanna be rich I don't give a shit about that
so the only way I can keep myself sharp and moving and fucking evolve is get uncomfortable

you don't grow when your comfortable cause you don't need to
what forces growth is being uncomfortable cause then you get that drive to push you in a better situation

I have everything I need at home and I could stay there for as long as I want but thats the cowardly thing to
believe me I don't wanna leave home right now with the virus and stuff but that's the only option I see to keep my mental sanity and keep me going and evolving
I don't want to do it but I feel like I need to

also my father is just pissing me off
I got to get away from that negativity
that weakness
just being around him brainwashes you to be a fucking pussy
my mother is more of a man than him

and believe me I still love him but god damn!
why is he such a soft negative bitch


Believe me I never wanted to be like him, I'm probably the opposite of him that's why we never get along but my little brother is just like him even worse and that's why I don't talk to him anymore since I don't know how many years

At least half of my family is descent though
so I'm grateful for that
they still provided for me if not in love in materialistic things and thats the basics of survival

The lack of love and connection made me stronger than most

hard times create strong men
easy times create weak men

my father had it easy for too long maybe that has to do with why he is weak


Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on May 14, 2020, 06:50:16 AM
Finished listenning to a 4 hour audio book about the non-job revolution from the kings transformation program
I've been listenning to stuff about that but it takes a while to digest

Its about how to take something you enjoy doing and get money out of it basically

One thing that I wanted to share that I found valuable was towards the end of the book he talks about having skin in the game

If you get information for free, you're not invested and don't really have any push to follow that advice
but if you're like me and you pay 1400$ for a program you better believe you will listen to it cause now you've got skin in the game

what I'm saying is sometimes its even more benificial to you to spend money than get something for free in that situation

so asking for money to give valuable information to someone is benificial for you and for them too

I talked already briefly about that but I think it was something it was worth coming back to


The biggest thing to avoid porn is to have you days filled up always and never be bored
and idle mind is the devil's workshop so they say(or some shit like that)

the main thing that takes up a man's day is his job
if you don't have one your day will be harder to fill and your pockets too eventually

right now I'm weighting the pros and cons of starting your own buisness and I don't think I am ready for that but learning about it might be good in the future

right now what I've been doing unconsiously is spending all my money
And I've realized its a good thing
everyone has been telling me to save money but I need to do the exact opposite!

Right now I need a job to fill my days to get mentally sane, see some people and do something that will keep me away from porn right?

so I'm not someone who's motivated by money
I don't have money goals I don't give a shit
I'm only motivated by survival
when I get in deep shit that's where my body starts to react and has the motivation to work

so to work I gotta become broke first
I'm gunna throw my money in my area of work and In myself like my program, fix things on my car and all useful stuff I would have ended up spending money on anyway that are gunna be very benificial to me and now I'm gunna have "skin in the game"

I'll be forced to work cause I'm broke
and will be independant from my parents too most likely
That is what I need to do to get off my ass



Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on May 19, 2020, 11:48:13 AM
Feeling kinda weak today
worked hard the past few days at my parents house and now my relation with my parents is better

Last night I had a weird dream
I actually watched shemale porn in my head while I was sleeping
It seemed so real I thought I was really relapsing
By so miracle I stopped myself from busting at the last moment and only a few drops came out and I went back to sleep

Right now the shemale stuff is way gone and I wanna keep it that way
I wanna keep any sexual thing away in general too

I thought my flatline was gunna be over by now but its not
I must be at 95 days without porn right now or something close to that

I only watched porn once this year and I wanna keep it that way

Right now I'm not sure what to do with my life and I need more time to reflect about what I should do


Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on May 22, 2020, 07:23:52 PM
Doing good
just took a walk in the neighborhood while smoking a cheap stick
Wheater was perfect

confidence was through the roof
Being on a flatline is awesome
I never thought I'd say that but having very low sexual feelings towards women makes me way more ballsy cause I just don't give a fuck

Its how I should be all the time but for some reasons when I'm horny and looking for girls approval or changing my behavior when around women makes me less attractive to them so its just bs man

I just spit out some bits of tobacco in front of a girl and she looked at me like she wanted to suck me off wtf

I'm just kidding she was like 12 and she did a weird thing with her tongue that kinda threw me off guard

I don't even know why I'm writing this at this point moving on I'm not a pedo but I like them young Lol

not in that kind of way but you know I feel judged for looking at 12 year old girls sometimes
they're still cute..

Its like looking at a cat in a certain way doesnt mean I wanna fuck it

Things with my parents got better and I decided to stay not only cause I spent all my money and I'm broke but because I use all of the house alot to work and do things and also I don't plan on staying at an appartement for more than a year so

Still porn free
I think today is my 100th day PMO free if I'm not mistaken so thats nice lets keep it that way

now that I'm broke I'll have to start looking for a job pretty soon
not cause I want to but because I have to
why would you work if you don't even need money thats dumb
I'm glad I'm getting broke

I'll find a job when I won't be able to pay shit and I'm sure the work is gunna fill up my days and make me meet new people along the way maybe a girl? who knows
not that I could even get my dick hard but I think its better that than being too horny cause you know what happens when I get too horny I try to fuck anything that comes along my dick's way even 15 year old girls

But I'm done with this
from now I'm setting some boudaries for myself
discipline motherfuck
no girls under 18 from now on

Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on May 24, 2020, 12:08:43 PM
Feeling kinda weird
Like some sort of brain fog or darkness inside me
I think its cause I ate cheese last night
I never eat cheese

I think its best to eat the same shit everyday to keep it simple and  also for that reason that you wont have to deal with stuff that affects your brain without you even realising it

I ate the same stuff for like a month everyday pretty much until yesterday and I will try to do keep doing that

So now Its another thing I have to focus on doing just like going to bed when the sun comes down

To be honest I dont eat the same supper everyday but breakfast and lunch are always the same

I think its best to stick with as few things as possible your body enjoys
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on June 01, 2020, 04:14:31 PM
Feeling depressed man
like all the life has been sucked out of me
fucking drained

No matter how hard I try to live a better life I always find myself going back to the same depressed state
When I get weak the demons take over my soul and just consume it then I feel only darkness and negative thoughs

I think I need a few days to just to nothing and let my body heal
No exercise nothing
just stop doing anything

Sometimes I feel I'm just wasting my life away just waiting to die
whats the point

No matter how much progress I make I feel like I haven't done anything

Maybe the flatline has something to do with it
If I just give myself time maybe things will be okay after all
things seem to find a way to turn out alright with time

My mind is playing tricks on me and its making me focus on the negative right now cause I feel like shit, I know that now

I need a way to bring back some life in my dead body
exercise helps but I cant be doing that all day
or I get tapped out like I am right now
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: Icandoit on June 01, 2020, 04:53:08 PM
If you are in flatline, it can make you feel like shit. It certainly does this to me. It makes me feel overwhelmed about everything but I remember that I also feel better after that. Bottom line is: Nothing is a reason for a relapse. Feeling like shit won't go away after relapsing. Shit, relapsing makes us feel even worse. When I'm in flatline, I look at the positive thing: I don't have urges for PMO.
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on June 13, 2020, 11:28:12 AM
Yeah man, I'm on the good path. I kinda like the flatline because its like free porn-free days and its a sign your body is healing and can't take all the sex/dopamine your giving it. But it sucks too because you're numb and have zero sex drive. At the point I'm at I'm done going back to porn man thats the thing I wanna avoid the most on my life. I've gone back to it so many times and if it was a good option for me I wouldn't be there doing everything in my power to get rid of it.

I haven't watched porn or even jerked off since I said I did which is like febuary 12 or something so I've been on the flatline for about 4 months now. I thought my libido/sex drive was coming back a few weeks ago but it didn't I still feel numb/depressed with a lack of energy. Some people's flatline last 1+ year and I hope that won't be the case for me but I'm going to go through it no matter how long it takes. I think being horny and not be able to PMO is even worse to be honest.
Title: Re: Shemale Addiction
Post by: username is not available on June 29, 2020, 08:57:30 AM
Still on the flatline
Had a wet dream this morning
and it was with a women, not a dream about me watching porn
Thats a good sign my brain is letting go of the porn

I wonder how long this flatline is gunna last, but I hope it lasts a long time to be honest I don't wanna have to control urges again