Reboot Nation

Journals => Ages 30-39 => Topic started by: happyrunner on January 12, 2019, 04:18:23 AM

Title: Happy Runner's Journal
Post by: happyrunner on January 12, 2019, 04:18:23 AM
Day 1.

I used to keep a journal on this forum for some time during the last year. Eventually I stopped posting here thinking that the journal is not helping me.

I PMO for 2-3 times per month now even having good regular sex with my girlfriend. This is embarrassing. Why do I need to PMO if I have a girlfriend I like?

So I want to cut my PMO habits to at most 1 time per month.

I am not making a commitment for 90 days PMO free streak and not setting other goals. I just need a place to observe and document my addictive habits.

I am 32 years old.
Title: Re: Happy Runner's Journal
Post by: happyrunner on January 13, 2019, 09:23:36 AM
Day 2.

Just reminding myself that I am back on track.
Title: Re: Happy Runner's Journal
Post by: happyrunner on January 14, 2019, 01:20:18 AM
Day 3.

I think I can make it to 10 days streak without PMO. It's easy.
Title: Re: Happy Runner's Journal
Post by: happyrunner on January 15, 2019, 03:49:50 AM
Day 4.

Automatic negative thoughts are coming to my head every morning. Need to run 5-10 km to let them go.

Practice of gratitude should help. It always helped...

Need to focus on my goals and be greatful for what I have.
Title: Re: Happy Runner's Journal
Post by: happyrunner on January 16, 2019, 06:27:59 AM
Day 5.

Heavy PMO habit eliminates a need for goals. Why do you need goals if you can PMO every day?

Need to train my mind and body to focus on my goals.

With regular PMO it is hard to be focused.

Focus is the mental habit that can also be trained.
Title: Re: Happy Runner's Journal
Post by: happyrunner on January 16, 2019, 11:53:13 AM
I missed my morning run today.

Feeling unfocused and lonely. Such a weird feeling.
Title: Re: Happy Runner's Journal
Post by: happyrunner on January 17, 2019, 03:21:47 AM
Day 6.

Yesterday was a tough day. Negative thoughts overwhelmed me completely in the evening. I went outside and run 5 km with the tempo of 4:24 /km.

This fast run helped me to break free from these thoughts.

Now I know what to do when I feel low and fell the urge to PMO -- I will run 5 km as fast as I can.

Need to reed about nofap to be sure that the feelings I experience these days -- they are OK.
Title: Re: Happy Runner's Journal
Post by: happyrunner on January 18, 2019, 01:49:44 PM
Day 7.

Everything is OK.
Title: Re: Happy Runner's Journal
Post by: happyrunner on January 19, 2019, 05:28:26 AM
Day 8.

Just a reminder for myself:

If I feel an urge to PMO I must go outside and run 5+ km as fast as I can.
Title: Re: Happy Runner's Journal
Post by: happyrunner on January 20, 2019, 05:31:11 AM
Day 9.

It is easy to post in this journal when I allow myself to be laconic.

I made it to day 9 :)

Only one of these 9 days was at risk of PMO. And now I know what to do at such days -- run 5+ km as fast as I can.

My mood depends on what I eat. If I have bad mood and bad thoughts, risk of PMO increases.

If I eat the right food risk of PMO decreases.

Title: Re: Happy Runner's Journal
Post by: allthelights on January 20, 2019, 12:40:53 PM
I like your running fast/sprinting strategy! I'm thinking of working that into my routine when the weather gets better. Running has always calmed me but I find the idea of long distance running to be very unmotivating haha...maybe I just need to get in better shape.

Congratulations on 9 days!
Title: Re: Happy Runner's Journal
Post by: happyrunner on January 21, 2019, 07:19:43 AM
allthelights, I found out that what helps me most is not the long distance in running but the speed.

Sometimes I run 10 km in a slow pace and feel highly demotivated after the run. I haven't figured out why it feels like this yet.

Maybe the fast running tempo causes some special chemistry in the body and the brain. Or I feel the sense of achievement when I set new personal record in speed.
Title: Re: Happy Runner's Journal
Post by: happyrunner on January 21, 2019, 07:27:35 AM
Day 10.

I noticed that my mind tends to cultivate automatic negative thoughts every day. Even after my extremely fast runs.

Today I ran 5 km with the pace of 4:16 /km.

But now I am feeling upset due to the thoughts that I might not be accepted well in my local community. I know that these thoughts have nothing to do with reality. It is my mind that says that I am not good enough.

I assume these thoughts keep me upset because I did not eat proper food today yet. And I associate my feelings in my stomach with these thoughts.

What I feel is hunger but I tend to think that these feelings are caused by my thoughts.
Title: Re: Happy Runner's Journal
Post by: happyrunner on January 22, 2019, 07:11:11 AM
Day 11.

Still going strong.
Title: Re: Happy Runner's Journal
Post by: Edit_undo on January 22, 2019, 12:32:53 PM
Great job man, keep at it. And you’re a really fast runner- wow! My best 5km was 20:00 (indoor) in September and I felt nauseous starting at 16:00 and hurt my leg lol. So not running much these days. I have never done 10km.
As far as negative thoughts, the mind is the cruelest enemy I find. Usually I try to get outside first thing in the morning and have some gratitude - 3 things everyday. I think of it when I’m out because weather is an easy one - even if it’s cold, a bright wintery day is something to be thankful for.
All the best
Title: Re: Happy Runner's Journal
Post by: happyrunner on January 23, 2019, 05:02:19 PM
Day 12.

Losing my focus... Too much coffee.

But still on track.
Title: Re: Happy Runner's Journal
Post by: TheTr0jan1 on January 23, 2019, 05:17:39 PM
Keep going!

You are in control! Not your brain and certainly not your dick!  8) 8)
Title: Re: Happy Runner's Journal
Post by: happyrunner on January 24, 2019, 02:28:36 PM
Day 13.

Today I Installed two apps on my phone to focus on what is important: Forest and Todoist.

On day 1 I allowed myself to PMO for one time per month. I did not use that permission yet (and hopefully will not use it). Mentally it is easier to live with such a permission than with the obligation to go PMO free for 90 days in a row.
Title: Re: Happy Runner's Journal
Post by: HumbleRich on January 24, 2019, 08:09:32 PM
HappyRunner, I absolutely disagree.  That is the philosophy I take with alcohol (I have  previosly had drinking problems in the past), but to me alcohol and porn are two completely different things.  Alcohol is very difficult to be completely abstinent from, as its presence is ubiquitous in our lives.  Quitting alcohol requires that you make very extreme changes to your life, incliding, quite often a seriously deprived social life.  But maybe that has just been my experience.

Porn on the other  hand, has quite literally no significance to our lives, unless we allow it to.  I know, I know, there are near comstant arguments about the sexualization of our culture, but to me, someone who has made tremendous progress and gone without porn completely, porn is definitely something you can live without. 

Choosing to allow porn in yoir life will make breaking the habit much, much harder.

Rich
Title: Re: Happy Runner's Journal
Post by: happyrunner on January 25, 2019, 04:48:05 AM
Day 14.

I missed my morning run yesterday and felt like sh*t almost entire day. Did not eat properly, drank way too much coffee and was overwhelmed with the negative thoughts.

Staying in bed till 10-11 a.m. is the thing I must definitely avoid.

It is 11:45 in the morning now and my mind gives me an idea that I can miss the run today -- again.

Staying in bed longer than 7 a.m. is counter productive.
Title: Re: Happy Runner's Journal
Post by: happyrunner on January 25, 2019, 06:44:46 AM
I missed my morning run again.

Chances are that I will not go for a run in the evening today.

If I run in the morning, I feel high. If I don't, I feel down.

It is easy to run. And it is easy not to run. Lots of energy goes away when I think about should I go for a run today or not.

When I miss a run I feel like I am a total miserable loser. Low self-esteem, no energy, no ambitions, total failure.

Need to keep running in the morning and not let myself stay in bed after 7 a.m.

I must drink no more then 1 cup of coffee per day.

Discipline and healthy habits.
Title: Re: Happy Runner's Journal
Post by: happyrunner on January 26, 2019, 07:21:20 AM
Day 15.

Did not go for a morning run today again. Unfocused and frustrated and stressed out.

I felt a strong urge for PMO yesterday.

Stuck in my negative thoughts. Are they going to stay with me for the rest of my life?

Looks like everyday morning run is the only cure that still can help me.
Title: Re: Happy Runner's Journal
Post by: happyrunner on January 26, 2019, 03:51:32 PM
I am losing energy when I am in doubt: PMO or not PMO, eat healthy food or not, run in the morning or not.

These mental thoughts of doubt are the source of frustration and low self esteem.
Title: Re: Happy Runner's Journal
Post by: happyrunner on January 27, 2019, 04:18:18 PM
Day 16.

Today I ran my 4th half-marathon -- 21 km.

Restored my self-esteem.

21 km was not much harder than my regular 10 km or even 5 km. It is my mind that likes to scary me.

The hardest thing to do was to make my mind stop thinking its automatic negative thoughts.

Title: Re: Happy Runner's Journal
Post by: allthelights on January 27, 2019, 08:48:19 PM
Congratulations on the half marathon completion! I can't think of anything negative about that!
Title: Re: Happy Runner's Journal
Post by: happyrunner on January 28, 2019, 01:27:46 AM
Day 17.

Feeling much better after my yesterday's half marathon. Consciously replacing my negative thoughts with positive affirmations. It is easier to believe that you can achieve your goals after completing half marathon.

Need some kind of a system not to miss my morning runs.
Title: Re: Happy Runner's Journal
Post by: happyrunner on January 28, 2019, 05:46:35 AM
Comparing myself to my friends' photos on Instagram makes me feel upset and depressed.

I have lots of things in my life to be greatful for. But I feel depressed. How come?

Is it a side effect of my nofap journey?
Title: Re: Happy Runner's Journal
Post by: Pete McVries on January 28, 2019, 02:28:39 PM
Reread your post. Not the nofap that makes you feel depressed but the social media. It's designed to make you feel bad. It's all fake. It's nothing but a rat race. People like to brag to their peers about their "perfect" life. But it's all shallow and fake. The sooner you realize this, the happier you will become.

Also, instagram is the reason why many rebooters relapse, because half naked ladies are everywhere. It's porn for the PMO addict's brain.
Title: Re: Happy Runner's Journal
Post by: happyrunner on January 30, 2019, 10:50:33 AM
Day 18. Forgot to post here. Missed my morning run.

Day 19. Ran 10 km. Feeling OK.
Title: Re: Happy Runner's Journal
Post by: Edit_undo on January 30, 2019, 12:39:47 PM
Hey runner, you’re doing great. And don’t worry about social media. Pete nailed it - it’s all fake. These are perfect moments of their life. Nobody’s going to show you the crappy times, but they happen to everyone.

As for depression being a side effect of the noFap, maybe. PMO is the feel-good numbing agent we used to escape or dull the sensations of real life. You might feel like you’re all over the map while your brain is adjusting back to normal.
 You’ve got this!

Title: Re: Happy Runner's Journal
Post by: happyrunner on January 31, 2019, 08:48:22 AM
Day 20.

This is an important milestone. I do not feel any euphoria about this.

Thinking about getting a full time job to work in a team.

I tried to work alone as a freelance web developer for the previous 12 months. But it is hard for me to work alone at the computer -- I regularly missed important deadlines and am afraid to take new projects because of this.

Need a job with a schedule and less stress. Hope it will help me with the nofap journey.

I moved back to my home town a month ago. So I am living with my parents now. Lots of triggers here in my room. So I need a reason to get out of this apartment on a regular basis.

Thinking about renting a flat and living with my girlfriend together. It is better than living with parents.
Title: Re: Happy Runner's Journal
Post by: happyrunner on February 03, 2019, 04:45:36 PM
Day 21, 22, 23.

I am still on track :)
Title: Re: Happy Runner's Journal
Post by: happyrunner on February 07, 2019, 01:02:18 PM
Day 0.

OK, today my counter has been reset.

26 days PMO-free.

This has been a long streak.

I should not have stopped posting here.

26 days -- this is still an achievement.
Title: Re: Happy Runner's Journal
Post by: changemylife on February 07, 2019, 02:09:49 PM
Day 0.

OK, today my counter has been reset.

26 days PMO-free.

This has been a long streak.

I should not have stopped posting here.

26 days -- this is still an achievement.
26 days is of course an achievement. You should not think about it like "Day 0". It's not day 0 after 26 days. It's just a little slip, don't binge though.
Title: Re: Happy Runner's Journal
Post by: happyrunner on February 08, 2019, 02:56:30 PM
Day 1.

Got a new job. Nice day.
Title: Re: Happy Runner's Journal
Post by: Loth0 on February 10, 2019, 09:15:57 PM
Nice work on the half marathon! I've found trail running to be a wonderful source of inspiration myself. I hope all is going well still! I have my first ever marathon coming up March 3rd. Super nervous!
Title: Re: Happy Runner's Journal
Post by: changemylife on February 11, 2019, 04:04:32 AM
Nice work on the half marathon! I've found trail running to be a wonderful source of inspiration myself. I hope all is going well still! I have my first ever marathon coming up March 3rd. Super nervous!
Wow man, a marathon! That's what's up.
Title: Re: Happy Runner's Journal
Post by: Loth0 on February 15, 2019, 09:05:27 PM
Staying strong still