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Journals => Ages 30-39 => Topic started by: BabySteps on September 04, 2018, 02:36:55 AM

Title: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on September 04, 2018, 02:36:55 AM
Age: 33
Country: South Africa

Living at my parents house with my mom and sister. Dad passed away last year July 2017. He was the only one who new about my Compulsive porn viewing and Masturbation. He was the only one I could trust with confidential information, especially my Compulsive Masturbation.

Never really succeeded at controlling my thoughts, concentration was always low. Ran to masturbation from the age of 14 for comfort. Meanwhile the habit was messing up my brain, making things worse than before. Concentration dropping every year. Always struggled with low self-esteem from then. I guess one of the reasons is my family was very poor, with a father who refused to work for someone who thought of him a inferior human being because of the colour of his skin.

Sometimes I am in control of this Compulsive habits sometimes I am not.
Have a son I really love, but can't totally provide for his needs financially. I sometimes feel so pathetic about myself, see how much of a under achiever I am. Self hate takes root, self criticism has been my constant companion for like ever.

I need your help fellows, I have been doing a Mathematics degree with University of South Africa for 13 years. Left with 2 modules to finish, but I just self sabotage most of the time. I want to finish but usually I get so anxious that I don't even pitch for exams.

Then the Compulsive habits kick in just to feel better for a moment.
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: uncreatedlight on September 04, 2018, 01:47:41 PM
We are on this journey with you, brother.  Your life can change.  Meditate, pray, and take it one day at a time.  Read the stories here of victors.  They aren't superhuman.  If they can do it, we can do it.

Good luck!
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: Reformed Fapper on September 04, 2018, 07:23:22 PM
Hello Winner,
In my reboot process I found the feeling of self-disgust to be a very powerful motivator. Those feelings came from the awful things I did when under the influence of my addiction. I never wanted to experience such things again or have those feelings again, so I held onto those rotton feelings about myself vowing to beat this addiction.
Youre here and you know what to do to get better!
Take refuge on this forum and ask as many things as you need to
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on September 10, 2018, 11:33:12 AM
Hey uncreatedlight
Thanks for your words of encouragement brother.
The God variable I decided to ignore have to claim it back.
May God our loving creator help us all in this journey
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on September 10, 2018, 11:37:58 AM
Hey Reformer Dapper,
Porn is really bad company, it isolates and then make you feel pathetic for being lonely.
A friend I have to really stop taking advice from. Always promising a pleasant experience without shame, but never delivers!
Thank you #Reformer
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on September 10, 2018, 11:41:10 AM
Day 0,
Local time 18:40
Feeling okay, about to  go jogging.
Hope to balance this chemicals in my brain.
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on September 15, 2018, 02:43:06 AM
A letter to Compulsive habits:

Dear Liar

Now that I did not qualify for my exams, thanks to you and the promise of a good time. The thing is I never get satisfied of hanging around with you until I cum. Hours can pass if I don't come, only me and you.

Living in a fantasy world, always awkward around people. Feeling pathetic, you always suggesting I rub myself to feel better while alone. Always reminding me of how much of a loser I have been. True to a certain extent, but not the final story. I wonder why you always say words that crush my esteem.

When ever a assignment get difficult you come and suggest that I put it asside to do something more fun like jerking off to porn. Hours I have spent being entertained by you.

My first sexual encounter was when I was 5 yeas old, the girl made me feel good. Thought it was just a game of tickling each other, but never thought of telling my parent about it. Something at the back of my mind told me it was wrong. Then came puberty, I started playing around with you more frequent. Isolated myself from hanging with real humans. Although some made fun of me, I should have been stronger and looked for thoe who appreciated me just as I was. But teenage years and it's vulnerability.

I gave you too much control of the majority of my social life. Now I say enough is enough. I deserve a better life than this, I am done with you. Living in hiding makes me feel pathetic, true I might not afford the type of life I wish I was living. But it's never too late, I will fight you. God is giving me strength to be strong.

It's time we part ways, I know my love for you is intense. But you always have solutions that are problems. When Assignments get tough you suggest I put them of until it's too late. Like now I didn't qualify for exams because I handed in the assignments late.

I pray that God will help me focus on recovery. So that I could be a better parent to my son
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on September 15, 2018, 11:17:23 PM
Day 2, local time 06H12

Today I make a new start, I didn't qualify for exams. So I choose to start being productive in most of the thins I do. PMO dominated my thinking, I want to take that energy and put it in good use from now. I know it will not be easy, but with a little bit of prayer I shall grow from strength to strength.

May I keep looking at what you have done for me through Jesus Christ, God incarnate!!
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on September 20, 2018, 03:59:10 PM
I don't think about porn, starting to be concerned why?
Any how o shall keep moving forward, it has been 4 days now. Will start counting the days from next week
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: Reformed Fapper on September 20, 2018, 09:13:06 PM
I don't think about porn, starting to be concerned why?
Any how o shall keep moving forward, it has been 4 days now. Will start counting the days from next week
Are you saying that youre concerned that you are NOT thinking about porn? If so, that is definately not a cause for concern, its a cause for celebration!
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on September 21, 2018, 04:26:19 AM
Hey Reformer

I just don't trust myself that much now.

Still another day with me stopping to objectify the female species. One day at a time, my goal is to stop objectifying complete by end of this 2018.
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: malando on September 21, 2018, 10:14:39 PM
Hey Reformer

I just don't trust myself that much now.

Still another day with me stopping to objectify the female species. One day at a time, my goal is to stop objectifying complete by end of this 2018.
He has a point though - at least wait until you do think about Porn before you worry about it. Enjoy the respite while you can.
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on September 24, 2018, 11:59:19 AM
Hey Malando

Thanks for the encouragement buddy. Should have waited, PMOd twice friday evening!
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on September 24, 2018, 12:16:05 PM
Day 3, time 19:08

Average day so far, did not read as i would love today. But tomorrow is still another.

Manage to do my jogging in the morning. Planning to commit to the schedule from now. My chances of relapse a decresed the more i stick to my exercise routine. Like friday when i relapsed, decided not to jog that morning. Then at night when i got bored by reading, thought of rubbing myself. The thought of me waiting never came, i just went to autopilot.

So i plan to stick to my exercise routine from now!
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: Sentimental_geek on September 24, 2018, 06:25:51 PM
Autopilot sucks! Thats been a big issue for me over the last year or so. Just caving in without a single thought. I could literally be thinking one minute about how being free of PMO is great then the next...well you can guess! Schedules help. As do identifying habits tat trigger it all. Try and be as consistent as you can. You can do it!
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on September 27, 2018, 11:13:58 AM
Hey Geek

Thanks for the input buddy. Lets just keep going and never give up!
Freedom is not far from us!
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on September 27, 2018, 11:21:02 AM
Day 6, 18:14

Managed to destruct myself by jogging 4times a week for an hour. From Monday to Thursday.
The thought of jerking off is minimized by the fact that i jog.

Still trying to as optimistic as pissible, minimize my anger level too. Trying my best to gossiping and jealousy. One day at i time.

My goal is to be positive as possible.
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: Reformed Fapper on September 27, 2018, 09:00:13 PM
Things like irritability, short temperdness, and pessimism will all subside soon. The first week or so is usually the worst. But its good that you are getting out and moving your body! Whenever you feel the urge to [juvenile/graphic language deleted], go and have a run instead.
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on September 28, 2018, 11:39:58 AM
Hey Reformer

True man, usually I do not feel like socializing. Even going out and hanging with friends is a challenge.
I want to have more friends to hang out with, most of the people i chill with are very critical, the kind of people you wouldnt want to see everyday
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on September 29, 2018, 07:21:25 AM
Day 1, 14:15

So far:
1) Went for my 90 minutes jogging in the morning
2) Just came back from church. The pastor was talking about Mark 2

Hope to improve, in actual fact will do everything possible to stay of PMOn for the rest of September.
Just have to update my CV for potential posts that might come out.
May we trust in the presence of our God for the journey we decided to take in fighting this Compulsive behaviours. May he be our strength, looking unto him the author and finisher of our faith
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: Reformed Fapper on September 29, 2018, 07:33:44 AM
Ok keep at it mate.
And that faith of yours is also a good tool. Having something outside of yourself to give you strength is important. The exercise is good too, for reducing the self-fornication urges
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on September 30, 2018, 09:55:10 AM
Thanks Reformer
 looking forward to better days! The exercise help in keeping me grounded, even though i still struggle.
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on September 30, 2018, 10:02:53 AM
Day 0,

Another relapse, when will this ever stop?
Whenever i am stressed i find relieve in jerking off and binging to porn.
I guess the fact that my X the mother of my son refuses me access to my son. Whrn we dated i opened up and confessed about my PMOing. Now she justifies denying access about the fact that i am addicted.

But still, i have to take this as a man and start progressing in my struggle against this compulsive PMOing! A positive fortified mental attitude will keep me grounded in time.

I will never give up fighting this drug called PMOing!
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: Reformed Fapper on September 30, 2018, 07:31:05 PM
That's a shame, but don't dwell too much on it. If the trigger was stress you may need to find another stress reliever. Something physical or something that gets your brain working is good
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on October 01, 2018, 08:48:23 AM
Hey Reformer

Thanx for the support buddy. True i have find a way to relieve stress when it hits hard.
Physical exercise does help.
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on October 01, 2018, 09:06:43 AM
Day 1, 16:00

1) Tried meditating, counting my breaths is a challenge. The mind has so many random thoughts. Wish to improve those areas in wich i struggle!

2) Went for a hour jogging.

Will try to stick to this program
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: uncreatedlight on October 01, 2018, 10:19:32 AM
When you feel an urge, don't act on it, but don't fight it either.  Inspect the urge.  Investigate how it feels.  Let yourself feel it.  Notice the sensation in your body.  Just keep focusing on it instead of trying to push it down, and it will evaporate on its own.  I know how frustrating this can be, but you are doing the right things.  You will get this.
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on October 01, 2018, 10:37:54 AM
Hey Uncreated

I totally agree with watching the thought, when i get tempted something else takes over. I only wake after the fact.
Will try doing more of that from now.
Thanks for your input
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: uncreatedlight on October 01, 2018, 12:24:27 PM
Yes, that is the trick.  Watch that "something else."  We can only be free if we wake up.
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on October 02, 2018, 09:10:45 AM
Day 2,16:10

1) Jogging went well, increased spreed,
2) Managed to study Querying,
3) Meditation zero, will try it again tomorrow

Moving forward and hoping to bit this cycle
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on November 13, 2018, 01:45:40 PM
Managing this compulsive habit now, recently got a Sales representative position at some insurance company
The problem is my brain is way slow now, especially when I talk to female clients. I can feel myself boring the lady. I used to talk with ladies easy back in the days, but now it's like I have no clue who this beautiful creatures called females are?
I need help guys, has anyone ever experienced this?
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on April 08, 2019, 11:23:02 AM
Struggled with compulsive behavior for the past 4 months.
Even forgot about this sites until now,
PMOing makes me feel empty like I don't matter, the pain I feel when I'm awkward around people is greater than the orgasm I was promised. This pleasure comes with a price I keep forgetting I'll have to pay after the act!

Time and time again my search for pleasure over comes my desire to resist and quit.
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on April 09, 2019, 02:28:48 AM
Day 0,

I plan to hit the 30 day mark for now. Feeling hopeless and helpless with no support from anybody. I can't share my episodes with no one around.

But I will rise, will fight for regaining control of my life.
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on November 01, 2019, 06:37:56 AM
I'm tired of this PMO, I wish it was easy to change. I feel helpless and hopeless
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on November 02, 2019, 08:43:37 AM
Day 0,

I choose life, I choose hope!
Will keep fighting this until I gain control.
How foolish of me to always fall for PMO tricks, promising reward instead offerings shame and isolation!

PMO the days we used to share are coming to an end, I deserve a real relationship with a real women! You caused the mother of my son to hit exit, she always cried saying she can't compete with you. I knew she can't bit you in the virtual world, that's were you will always exist in a VIRTUAL WORLD.

I want to attract real women, have a less awkward conversation with her. 
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on November 03, 2019, 03:31:17 AM
Day 1,

I am determined to fight back, still crave the stimulation.
But zero setback, will try to keep busy to avoid stress.
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on November 04, 2019, 12:40:27 AM
Day 2,
 You seem to lose control a bit, but won't let my guard down
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on November 05, 2019, 01:32:41 AM
Day 3

So far so good, let the fight continue.

I remember 2015 after my X left me, reason being obsessions with pornography. I remember being able to reboot for 4 month, and after that 4 month I was more confident. Was able to close a  couple of ladies.

I miss that confidence, no shame what so ever. NoFap does bring balance into our brains and physiology. I pray for focus and a stronger willpower
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on November 05, 2019, 11:15:20 PM
Day 4,

No cravings yet, but the fear of rejection still there. Clinging to a promising lady still my weakness, then she rejects my calls, then I start PMO again.
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on November 07, 2019, 01:44:31 AM
Day 5,

Still scared of rejection. I want to hit the 90 days + mark.
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on November 24, 2019, 03:33:23 AM
Day 14,

Having my uncle visiting me might be the reason I've been clean, plus me working on my spiritual growth and attending church.

Hope to grow from strength to strength. May God help me stay focused
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on January 16, 2020, 02:08:26 AM
I have been jerking off everyday for almost a month now, I sometimes feel like this cycle is impossible to escape.

I just want to be normal, be less awkward around women, have fun with the opposite sex.
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: jixu on January 16, 2020, 07:17:23 AM
Did you ever end up getting back toward pursuing the math degree?  Why or why not? 
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on January 17, 2020, 12:48:59 AM
Hey jixu

This habit just absorb a lot of my mental faculties that I find it hard to concentrate. I decided to finally register this semester, but I'm going to have to stick to a strict study plan so that I minimize the chances of me jerking off too many times.

When the material gets hard I usually run to jerking off for temporary relief, it always backfire into me binging. I'm tired of failure.

Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: jixu on January 17, 2020, 07:38:31 AM
Glad to hear that you are signed up again!  I would like to hear updates on your studies.  Make sure to get an exercise plan going, even if it is simple and modest like walking, and eat and sleep properly.   A math skill set is very useful out there, and you can use it to help others and provide for yourself.  Great news-push on!
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on January 18, 2020, 11:00:06 PM
Hey Jimi,
Thanks for the support.
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on January 20, 2020, 01:08:07 PM
How many times have I said this is the last time, so many times that I forgot how many.
I want to:
stop objectify,
start exercising regularly,
Spend more time outdoors,
Increase my devotions times,
Be normal.

Hope to make this work, I want to share a less depressing story in the future.
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on January 24, 2020, 11:35:47 PM
Days 2,

I try as much as possible not to think of sex. My obsession about sex might have been holding me back, so will keep searching for answers until I find them.

I deserve a better life than this messed up cycle. Let the fight with self continue
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on February 04, 2020, 10:21:47 PM
Day 3,

Minimizing my thoughts about sex, trying as much as possible to avoid objectify women. So far the formula seems to be working.

Day 10 of not ejaculating, hope for the best.
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on February 20, 2020, 05:07:06 AM
Day 3,

I will always remember the power this has on me. I might reach 90 days but will never underestimate the power this has.

Things are getting in control. I'm Learning to accept my past mistakes instead of day dreaming about how I could have done things differently. Instead I rather try as much as possible to be productive with another activity.

Hope to gain control. One day at a time!!
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on February 26, 2020, 05:29:30 AM
Day 2,

The time for self deception has passed. It's time to go cold turkey.

I remember the 2 times I successfully completed 90+ days of NoFap. I was more confident, less depressed, less awkward, less anxious. The benefits out way the temporary relief I feel after PMOing, followed by hopeless.
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on February 27, 2020, 01:42:52 AM
Day 2,

I try to keep busy as much as possible.
Hopeful for a better tomorrow.
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on February 28, 2020, 05:28:02 AM
Day 1,
Got complacent yesterday. Stress levels were too high.
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: wecandoit on February 28, 2020, 10:27:04 AM
I remember the 2 times I successfully completed 90+ days of NoFap. I was more confident, less depressed, less awkward, less anxious. The benefits out way the temporary relief I feel after PMOing, followed by hopeless.

Of course, I remember it too, how I felt after a longer streak of no porn, no PMO. I could write a list of things I've experienced. But I guess they were just the way I was supposed to be, without the chain of porn. The real me. We have to keep in mind that in the battle of "instant pleasure/self-medication/cope/relief/relaxion etc" vs "the real me" the addicted brain will always choose the former. That's how it works. The people who will be able to endure the suffocating pain and never go back, will be the people who will quit this addiction. The others won't. This is the truth. It's the reason why my streak is still only 5 days long. I haven't been able to face and accept my suffering. I've been choosing the relief over my well-being plan. The plan is right here in my head, I know it very well, but when the suffering starts, "fuck it, forget it." Because it's hard. It's pain and suffering. That's all I can say now. I hope I could make it work one day.
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on March 06, 2020, 12:34:31 PM
Hey WeCanDoIt

This addiction is more powerful than us. We always have to remind ourselves of the goals we have in this life.

"PMOing and failure" vs "resist and go stronger".
We Can Do It
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on March 06, 2020, 12:41:02 PM
Day 9,

Able to resist till now, will keep going.
1. Trying my best to resist the temptation to objectify women.
2. Keeping busy with school assignments.
3. Trying my best to be more consistent with my devotions.
4. Never let a day pass without reflecting on the damage this cycle has done in my life. But not depressed about the fact.
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on March 07, 2020, 12:51:21 PM
Day 10,

So far so good,
1. Cutting down on the number of meals per day from 3 to 2 seem to be working.
2. Doing devotions every single morning.
3. Jogging three times a week.

Will keep going!
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: wecandoit on March 07, 2020, 01:14:58 PM
Good job, man! 10 days are good so far.
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on March 09, 2020, 12:44:59 AM
Hey wecandoit
Hope for 100+ days,
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on March 09, 2020, 12:49:16 AM
Day 12

Went for a morning jog, it went well.
Have to push myself to study, my brain keeps wondering and wondering. I want to concentrate.
Will keep fighting back until I make it, I'm tired of giving in.
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on March 11, 2020, 03:55:58 AM
Day 14,
So far nothing, I'm determined to push and push.
Tired of having regrets, I'm taking responsibility for my actions from now.

The fight against self sabotage continue
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: JakeL on March 12, 2020, 09:24:27 AM
Hang in there,

I’ve been free from porn for well over 2 years. Never had a problem quitting. But am getting cravings for it recently. It’s a pernicious influence. But the regret is the hardest for me. It fucking sucks.

I’m just focused on killing it in the future with a bigger dream and more powerful vision than I could have imagined before.

Good luck.

Stay safe.
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on March 18, 2020, 06:52:43 AM
Hey Jakel

Staying safe is a challenge buddy. Will keep fighting back this messed up habit.
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on March 18, 2020, 07:02:15 AM
Day 1,

Started last week Thursday, decided to take it easy for and eat breakfast. Previous days I've been resisting eating breakfast. Started watching YouTube videos until midnight. After midnight I gave into this cravings. Did it until 2 am.

Will keep fighting back.
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: ShadeTrenicin on April 12, 2020, 07:04:31 AM
Hey BabySteps,

hows life going for you? Hope you're doing well and safe from the virus!



Cheers
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on April 14, 2020, 10:28:22 AM
Hey ShadeTrenicin

The virus is not that bad in my country. But as for me and PMOing yeah it's been really disappointing.
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on April 14, 2020, 10:39:23 AM
Day 0,

Well it started about a month back, went to check out some ladies I'm pursuing.

She was so happy to see me, we held hands. She literally let me touch her. I thought were coming alright. I was so wrong. She stopped answering my calls, not calling back after seeing my missed call. I felt pathetic. Why does she have to do something like this to me.

As usual I found comfort in PMOing, I did everyday from 10 March until the 8 April. I felt like I'll never find a woman who likes me. And that's true, unless I change my ways and start behaving like a man. There's no woman who will find me attractive.

My goal now is to fight this addiction and grow as a man. Woman are beautiful creatures, but the power I give them sometimes is just disappointing.
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: ShadeTrenicin on April 14, 2020, 04:37:19 PM
hey Babysteps,

Bummer that you had the relapse period man. But it's okay! I do want to ask you something; is it really women who will not like unless you change your ways, or is it you yourself who will not like yourself unless you change your ways? There is a huge difference in that.
You say that there is no woman who will find you attractive, but isn't that a notion that you give yourself because you feel bad for PMO-ing?

I know that self critisism is pretty much unavoidable when it comes to addiction, especially when we relapse. But remember that you are a human, of flesh and blood with emotions. It is okay to feel sad when a woman breaks it off with you! It's also perfectly normal that things don't always work out due to whatever reason! It's not because you are unatractive! Sometimes there just is a mismatch of interests.. That just happens.

Keep going strong man! Im rooting for you
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: OrangeSpider on April 19, 2020, 06:46:18 AM
Sorry to hear about this, we have all been there way too many times. But its time to get back up and man up; do those baby steps all over again. We are here for you.
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on May 17, 2020, 02:51:40 AM
Hey Shades
I think me changing. Women are just being, my failure to improve cause me the view myself critically.
 Thanks for your input.
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on May 17, 2020, 02:55:42 AM
Hey OrangeSpider
Thanks for your input. Yeah baby steps are so basic that it's easy to just be complacent and forget about them. But Will keep fighting back until...
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on May 17, 2020, 03:12:14 AM
Day 3

This lock down is really a stress increasing factor. You sit in the house the whole day. There seems to be no cure not vaccine for this COVID-19.

It's been a wild ride, finding myself binging to LIVE cams. I will spend 4 to 6 hours masturbating to this cam girls.

I decided to stop watching couples banging each other, rather watch a CAM girl masturbating than watch a couple doing it. I saw myself getting less excited by this cam girls. It's even hard to retain a erection while watching this girls.

So I decided to put a stop. I want to have a family and a stable job. So wish to keep login to this site everyday so that I stop deceiving myself into thinking I'm in control, while it's usually the opposite. Plan to do a daily update of my progress.

Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on May 18, 2020, 09:04:06 AM
Day 4,
 no masturbating, no porn, no orgasm.
So far no cravings, still early. Will keep trying to rewire until I succeed.
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on May 19, 2020, 05:24:25 AM
Day 5,
No PMO. No fantasy. Regretting the day I started touching myself.
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on May 20, 2020, 04:08:23 AM
Day 6
No pmo, no cravings. Only regrets
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on May 21, 2020, 08:44:49 AM
Day 7
No pmo. Wish to eliminate masturbating for good.
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: ShadeTrenicin on May 21, 2020, 04:57:06 PM
Hey BabySteps,

Great job on reaching 6 days again!

No PMO = excellent
No cravings = good
Only regrets = something that might not be beneficial for your mental health.

The funny thing with regret is, is that it puts yourself in a negative position. You regret that YOU the person did something that you do not approve of.
You can never win that way! The same with you wishing to stop masturbation forever. In its basic form masturbation is a part of being human and there is nothing bad about it. Whats shit about P is that it totally fucks up the function of natural masturbation and messed you up mentally. I think the goal is to reach that natural level of masturbation. However, that is my opinion and that may not coinside with your vision.
But what i want to point out in this is the negative approach to a relapse and masturbation, if you keep punishing yourself for having an addiction (a relapse is still part of the addiction) or natural behaviour you will have a very difficult time ridding yourself of the addiction.

I've said this to you before, but you are only human and you are not unique in having relapses! Read all our threads, we all have them and feel bad about them for a short while. They are the challenges that we must face, but they are also the chances we can take to better ourself and learn why relapses happen (and when and where). By learning from our mistakes we can change our behaviour and mental patterns and so, gradually build towards a porn free life.


Im rooting for you man! Keep it up and please, love yourself and dont be hard on yourself.

If you are ever in need of love, support or just to rant, please come and post here! We are here for you
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on May 22, 2020, 06:59:46 AM
Hey Shades
True that this negative approach is counter productive, I've just been bruised by pmo for a long time.

It usually starts with just masturbating without pornography, and it escalates to using and binging on pornography. I find myself failing to concentrate on nothing else but pornography.

 Thanks a lot for your comment buddy.
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on May 22, 2020, 07:03:54 AM
Day 8,
No pmo, no cravings.

Yesterday out of nowhere I was contacted by three ladies I really like. This time I'll be careful minimizing my attention to them.
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: ShadeTrenicin on May 22, 2020, 04:06:24 PM
Hey BabySteps,

It's okay that you are bruised by PMO. Nothing wrong with that. Could you perhaps look at yourself and that you used to PMO a lot without judgement, but with compassion. Try to see yourself as someone in need of something. What that something is, is something that you need to figure out yourself. But if you feel an urge, try to close your eyes and think of yourself and just ask yourself what it is that you need emotionally..

Other than that what i've found helpful is the following;

1. Recognize the urge
2. Allow the urge to exist (you cannot will or push it away) just let it be and analyze
3. Investigate why the urge is there. (is there something inside of you that makes you want to resort to PMO)
4. Realize that the urge is temporary
5. Recall the feeling of emptiness after a PMO wank
6. (optional if the urge is really strong) Resort to a sort of non-sexual activity such as housework, sports, hobbies.

Good luck man! Keep on posting, it helps you it helps us (borrowed from joepanic)
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on May 23, 2020, 08:39:18 AM
Hey Shades
Thanks for your comment, really appreciate.
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on May 23, 2020, 08:42:07 AM
Day (90-81=9),
No pmo, no cravings. Have some kind of headache that refuse to go away.
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: ShadeTrenicin on May 23, 2020, 10:48:45 AM
Hey BabySteps, another day to add to the streak. Every day is one to celebrate.

Good luck with the headache!
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on May 24, 2020, 04:24:16 AM
Hey Shades,
I guess I needed deep sleep for 6 hours. Woke up feeling awesome, the headache is gone.
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on May 24, 2020, 04:25:48 AM
Day 10
No pmo, no cravings. Headache gone, hoping for a better day.
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: ShadeTrenicin on May 24, 2020, 07:32:57 AM
Hey man, welcome to day 10!

So you wrote, hoping for a better day.. Might i give you an alternative approach (i've gotten this wisdom from my wife)

Replace hope by trust: hope and fear are grown from the impression that you are missing something. They grow from a feeling of shortcoming. Contrary to popular belief, hope does not live but prevents living. Hoping is plunging yourself in an imaginary future and so not engaging in the only thing that really matters; the now.

Hope is build from fear, absence of hope leads to trust

I know, its a bit hard to read and it might be a slap in the face (it was for me the first time i read about this) but ultimately this concept helped me in facing my fears!

I want to illustrate this with an example from myself.

For years i had problems with my wife about sex and there was a lot to be fixed. I always got down when somethign happened, which made me sad and feeling like i didn't have what it took (a shortcoming) after such an event i was always hoping that something got better, that the next time would magically be better.
The pitfall in that process of thought is that i placed my trust in the imaginative image of me and the wife having amazizng sex, rather than putting a lot of effort into what was really going on and getting to the root cause of our problems. Hoping for something better was a way to escape from the harsh reality that we had a communication problem and that I build massive walls around me, emotionally.

This went on for years until i finally learned not to hope, but to engage in the now. It was really difficult, but learning to accept is one of the most crucial skills i had to attain in battling my addiction and overcoming the problems with my wife. Acceptance is key to facing yourself, seeing yourself. Being able to observe yourself and your behaviour without judgement will allow you to understand your actions and emotions and so change them.




Good luck man!


Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on May 25, 2020, 08:58:20 AM
Hey Shades,
That's deep man. There here and now makes sense.
Much appreciated comment
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on May 25, 2020, 08:59:51 AM
Day 11,
No pmo, no cravings. Still baby steps!
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on May 26, 2020, 01:11:10 AM
Day 12,
No pmo.
Things will work out for my good.
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on May 27, 2020, 02:03:43 AM
Day 13
No pmo, no cravings. Just came back from jogging, feeling awesome.
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: ShadeTrenicin on May 27, 2020, 02:29:14 AM
Great Job BabySteps!

Day by day, BabyStep by BabyStep you are making progress!!!!

Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on May 28, 2020, 02:53:20 AM
Hey Shades,
It ain't easy, I'm just pushing as much possible to reboot this brain of mine.
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on May 28, 2020, 03:04:23 AM
Day 14,
No pmo, no cravings.
My views on masturbating haven't changed, I think it's counter productive for me personally.
Feeling good after my morning jog.
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: ShadeTrenicin on May 28, 2020, 03:09:57 AM
Great BabySteps,

I might follow your lead and also do a belated morning jog! Since this was your morning jog, Are you a fellow european?

Good luck on day 14! When do you normally feel your urges the most? Most people describe somethign the first days after PMO and then again after 13-20 days.. How is that normaly for you?


Cheers, i'm rooting for you
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on May 29, 2020, 06:39:38 AM
Hey Shades
I'm from South Africa. I started experiencing those edges yesterday. I refuse to entertain them though.
I choose to remain rigid until I've successfully completed 90 days.
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on May 29, 2020, 06:43:07 AM
Day 15
No pmo, little cravings. But I crave a real woman.
Not feeling great today.
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: Icandoit on May 29, 2020, 08:20:37 AM
Day 15
No pmo, little cravings. But I crave a real woman.
Not feeling great today.

Great, man! Don't let anything make you relapse. The addiction is sneaky. It will try to convince you that you need its "medication". But it's a trap. Not feeling great or craving women are not reasons to relapse.
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: ShadeTrenicin on May 29, 2020, 01:21:26 PM
Hey man, 15 days is great! Keep it up man! I am rooting for you.
You go for that 90 days you are at 1/6th!


But, what makes your day not being great at this morning? Are you experiencing mood swings or external influences that make your day not going well?

KEep it up man, i am rooting for you
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on May 30, 2020, 04:01:43 AM
Hey Icandoit
Yeah man it's a temporary sense of relief, afterwards you feel empty.
Thanks for the comment!
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on May 30, 2020, 04:05:21 AM
Hey ShadeTrenicin
Yeah one sixth in, five sixth to go.
The just miss my kid. The mother of my kid use my addiction as an excuse to refuse me access. But today I'm feeling OK.

Thanks for the comment!
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on May 30, 2020, 04:13:00 AM
Day 16
No pmo, no cravings.

The lady who caused me to relapse is back in my life. She explained the reasons she didn't respond to my calls. Apparently her best friend committed suicide that time she was ignoring my calls. She seems like a really nice person.
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on May 31, 2020, 06:27:14 AM
Day 17
No pmo, no cravings!
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on June 01, 2020, 07:52:47 AM
Day 18
No pmo, no cravings. Feeling OK!
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: ShadeTrenicin on June 01, 2020, 08:12:29 AM
Hey BabySteps,

great streak so far! What are your usual relapse periods?

(for instance mine are usually around 4-8 and 13-20 days) in these days i need to be extra careful. Do you have any idea on which periods you are more likely to be tempted?


Keep strong my friend, as always rooting for you
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on June 02, 2020, 03:05:12 AM
Hey ShadeTrenicin
My relapse period is usually after 14 days, I usually become complacent in those days. Plus my justifying of me just blowing a load with my imagination, which usually leads to me pmoing after a couple of days.

In my brain pornography goes hand in hand with masturbating. So that's why I want to eliminate masturbation from my life.

Thanks for the comment buddy!
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on June 02, 2020, 03:15:17 AM
Day 19
No pmo, no cravings!
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on June 03, 2020, 06:26:05 AM
Day 20
No pmo! I so want progress.
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: ShadeTrenicin on June 03, 2020, 07:42:26 AM
Hey BabySteps,

Day20 is great progress to me man! Ill echo what i've said to KittyHawk as well;

I think there is progress. You have gained insight,  you help us out by being supportive and commenting on our threads as well, you know what is happening to you.
Progress in beating an addiction should not be measured purely by how much time there is between relapses. The real progress is made in your mind. The understanding of your suffering, the emotions that are tied to your addiction, mapping your triggers and trap. And you are doing that as we speak.

So you are making progress man. Just hang in there



Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on June 04, 2020, 12:03:20 PM
Hey ShadeTrenicin
Thanks for the comment, I've been bruised by that habit.
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on June 04, 2020, 12:06:11 PM
Day 21
No pmo, no cravings!
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on June 05, 2020, 02:52:20 AM
Day 22
No pmo, massive cravings!
Whenever I login to this site I'm reminded of my goal.
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on June 06, 2020, 07:51:14 AM
Day 23
No pmo, I miss a woman's touch!
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on June 07, 2020, 02:28:18 AM
Day 24
No pmo, I have consistent cravings for sex. Ended up texting some X of mine for a hookup.
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: ShadeTrenicin on June 07, 2020, 09:36:47 AM
hey BabySteps,

great going on the streak man! It's better to find a hookup than PMO i guess. Do you do that often with this particular X?

Good luck on continuing the streak man!
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on June 08, 2020, 02:31:27 AM
Hey ShadeTrenicin
No I just invited her to come and she's willing to come. But those edges are gone for now.

Thanks for the comment!
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on June 08, 2020, 03:16:54 AM
Day 25
No pmo, no cravings.
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on June 09, 2020, 04:32:30 AM
Day 26
No pmo, little bit cravings. Moving forward!
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on June 10, 2020, 02:35:02 PM
Day 27
No pmo, no cravings. Being a busy day.s
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on June 11, 2020, 03:21:17 AM
Day 28
No pmo, no cravings. Still trying to get in control of my procrastination!
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on June 12, 2020, 01:31:03 AM
Day 29

No pmo, cravings come and go. When I talk with a lady I'm into I get hard. It's like my mind associate a person I'm into with sex.
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: ShadeTrenicin on June 13, 2020, 03:07:09 AM
29 days, holy shit man, you are crushing it so far! Great job

I think that it's normal getting hard when you talk to a woman you like. You're at 29 days without a release. It's only normal that you get turned on quickly.

So you mentioned something about procrastination. Could you tell us more about it? Is it at work or at home? Does it have to do with a certain task or is it an overal resentment of taking action?
Perhaps you could try to look inside and ask; 'What is it that resents the coming tasks so much'?


Good luck figuring that out, as always rooting for you
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on June 13, 2020, 06:49:31 AM
Hey ShadeTrenicin

It's more towards taking action. But I'll be patient with myself. Me progressing to this point feels good. I know with time I'll be able to focus and concentrate better.

Thanks for the comment buddy, much appreciated!
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on June 13, 2020, 06:54:03 AM
Day 30 of 90

No pmo, no masturbation, cravings come and go. I try as much as possible not to fight this cravings, but rather to not act on them.

My goal is to be in control of my life!
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: Orbiter on June 13, 2020, 06:04:42 PM
Go you Babysteps! Congratulations on the month clean.
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on June 13, 2020, 11:18:02 PM
Hey Orbiter

Thanks for the comment buddy!
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on June 13, 2020, 11:23:25 PM
Day 31
No pmo, no masturbation, cravings come and go.

Never thought I'll pull this, posted almost everyday on this site. I'm really grateful for this site, it's a constant reminder of were I want to get to. Freedom from addiction.

The fight against self sabotage continues...
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on June 14, 2020, 11:46:06 PM
Day 32
No pmo, no masturbation, cravings get worse.
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: Orbiter on June 15, 2020, 07:02:39 AM
Hang in there babysteps, you can push through!
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on June 16, 2020, 08:53:55 PM
Hey Orbiter
I'm trying my best, I choose to resist.

Thanks for the comment!
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on June 17, 2020, 01:49:44 PM
Day 34
No pmo, no masturbation, my mood was bad!

Moving forward!
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: ShadeTrenicin on June 17, 2020, 03:53:57 PM
Excellent going so far BS! I see that your latest posts are really concise, how are things going with you besides the obvious no PMO streak. How's things emotionally and what changes do you notice?


Keep it up, I'm rooting for you
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on June 18, 2020, 04:03:58 AM
Hey ShadeTrenicin

Back in the days when got rejected I'll binge on pornography, now I find myself just letting go. But the progress I from my peers sometimes get to me, regretting why I wasted so many years chasing an orgasm while I could have focused, and got to a better position.
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on June 18, 2020, 04:09:31 AM
Day 35
No pmo, no masturbation, I find myself getting hard by thinking about certain ladies. No energy for being productive though!

Moving forward...
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on June 19, 2020, 02:54:20 AM
Day 40% of 90
No pmo, no masturbation, cravings come and go!

Moving forward with hope!
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: Orbiter on June 19, 2020, 03:11:45 AM
Onwards and upwards!
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on June 20, 2020, 01:45:31 AM
Hey Orbiter

Yeah man, this cycle dictates one to slow down and watch every move they make.
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on June 20, 2020, 01:49:02 AM
Day 37

No pmo, no masturbation, no cravings! Still have to pay attention to my every move.

Moving forward!
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: Orbiter on June 20, 2020, 09:05:28 PM
Great going BabySteps!

Stay vigilant, you've got this man!
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: ShadeTrenicin on June 21, 2020, 04:18:17 AM
YES BabySteps,


Great going so far!!! Keep us updated, we are here for you and rooting!
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on June 21, 2020, 05:14:58 AM
Hey Orbiter

Thanks for the support buddy!
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on June 21, 2020, 05:16:35 AM
Hey ShadeTrenicin

Thanks for the support, greatly appreciated!
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on June 21, 2020, 05:28:21 AM
Day 38

Day 0

I got complacent 11 hours back. It started with me chatting with someone I was matched with on Tinder.

We where chatting for an hour or so, then she suddenly unmatched me! I felt so reject. Afterwards I watched some romantic movie on TV, afterwards went back to social media.

Plus some X of mine accused me of ignoring her sometime last week, but in my defense I never saw her. The idea of me banging her again just turns me off. I'm out of options with potential hookups.

I guess all this variables got me to a point of no return.

So I decided to keep going with my 90 days target of accounting every single day. Whether I got clean or not. It's a report.

Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: Icandoit on June 21, 2020, 08:20:45 AM
It's a slippery slope. You do one thing which leads to the next and so on. That's what happens to me. I've been repeating some mistakes which is not good. The thing is, if you "taste the drug" you sabotage yourself. The best way is to stay away.
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on June 21, 2020, 02:34:18 PM
Hey IcanDoIt

This is not a easy journey! I want to do this less often until finally I totally become clean.

Thanks for the comment buddy
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: imsorrynotsorry on June 21, 2020, 04:29:13 PM
Think of the rewiring you're doing with every clean day. The more you rewire the weaker the symptoms. So, you've made that great BabySteps. Go on, until you're in the mood to face more of the addiction. That could be in a month or in a year, but to stay away as best as you can from PMO is target #1.
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on June 22, 2020, 02:42:51 PM
Hey imSorryNotSorry

You are right man, little progress is still progress! Sometimes one wish the rewiring to be speedup, unfortunately.

Thanks for the comment buddy!!
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on June 22, 2020, 02:47:39 PM
Day 39

Day 1

No pmo, no masturbation, the chasers effect was strong the previous night! But I managed to fall asleep, when I woke up in the morning it was way easier to resist.

I plan to continue posting every day no matter the outcome come, I'm committed to tracking my progress.

I also plan to include my daily productivity plans and their progress. Moving forward!
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: imsorrynotsorry on June 22, 2020, 03:29:11 PM
Every time.

For the progress it helps to think of a strategy which directly helps you with a symptom or symptoms. Like avoiding electronic device use in bed or sth else. Maybe you have that already? I did that during different periods in rewiring.
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on June 23, 2020, 01:33:22 AM
Hey imSorryNotSorry

The device in my bed is not that much of a problem for me. Because my brain associates this phone of mine with books now. I spend most of my extra time reading ebooks on it. Plus I post and read people's journal on this site using my phone.

I think what might be triggering me is guilt. Guilt that I just read and never practice the material. Basically not being productive.

Thanks for the comment buddy!!
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on June 23, 2020, 01:38:47 AM
Day 40
Day 2

No pmo, no masturbation. The chasers effect was strong last night, but I managed to fall asleep and now in the morning it's easier to resist.

Moving forward!
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: imsorrynotsorry on June 23, 2020, 02:48:57 PM
Maybe it is guilt and not being productive. The latter it is for me often, because i want to do so much, but i can't encourage myself to really change something. Because for that one needs the courage to do so. Instead of really doing something and reaching success, we skip that part and pick us endless images of P. Does that resonate with you in way?
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on June 24, 2020, 12:10:31 AM
Hey imSorryNotSorry

Yeah it does resonate with me. If not pornography it's me pursuing the ladies. If the ladies reject me, I feel pathetic. This neediness has to be taken care of. Will keep fighting back for a more managed life instead of being dictated by the addict in me!

Thanks for the support!
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on June 24, 2020, 12:14:37 AM
Day 41
Day 3

No pmo, no masturbation, the chasers effect is almost gone. My sleeping pattern is just going well, I sleep 6 to 8 hours. I avoid to stay awake up until 1 am, because that's usually the time I relapse.

Moving forward with hope!
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: imsorrynotsorry on June 24, 2020, 03:34:10 PM
Well analyzed. Sleep is such a powerful factor.

The neediness you mentioned, do you know where it comes from? The source?
It would fit the idea that this need, where ever it comes from, can't ever be filled. And therefore one is looking for a replacement, 'to fill the emptyness'. If that would be the case there's work to do and a very good chance to overcome the problem.

Counting days is one thing, strict and rational. Also or even more important is looking into yourself. The underlying moods and emotions that aren't easy to find out about.
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on June 25, 2020, 02:45:51 AM
Hey imSorryNotSorry

I think the idea of being like by people in general. I haven't been able to be sociable with the popular people from primary school. They always rejected me, so i think I'm still afraid of being rejected like a 6 year old! But will keep going, this issues are just too many. Just have to do them one at a time.

Thanks for the support buddy!
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on June 25, 2020, 02:49:33 AM
Day 42
Day 4

No pmo, no masturbation. I keep thinking it's not that bad of a idea to just blow a load once a week or two weeks.

Moving forward!
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: Orbiter on June 25, 2020, 05:05:45 AM
Looks like you're getting things back on track. Great job bouncing back Babysteps!
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: ShadeTrenicin on June 25, 2020, 02:17:21 PM
Hey babysteps,

Just keep going. And exactly as you said it yourself:

But will keep going, this issues are just too many. Just have to do them one at a time.

That's the only way to deal with things i guess. One thing / (Baby)Step at a time.

Keep on going, i am rooting for you
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on June 26, 2020, 04:35:21 AM
Hey Orbiter

I try as much as possible to get my life in order.

Hey ShadeTrenicin

Trying to gain control in multiple habits at the same time has proven to be unsuccessful for me until now. So now I want to manage my masturbation and my studies. Exercise more often!!

Thanks for the comment guys, very much appreciated☺
Let's keep fighting back!!!
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on June 26, 2020, 04:40:46 AM
Day 43
Day 5

No pornography, no masturbation. But the addict in me keep suggesting I blow a load, but I'm able to resist.

Went for my morning jog, it went well☺

Moving forward with hope!!
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on June 27, 2020, 01:06:45 AM
Day 6
No pornography, no masturbation. Went for my morning jog, it's still a struggle.

I'm patient with my progress!!
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on June 29, 2020, 02:45:49 AM
Day 46
Day 0

It started on Friday with me having a verbal fight with some lady friend. Never thought of blowing a load. Then Saturday started alright, then in the evening the cravings started and intensified with every minute. From 19:00 to 21:00 they came and went, then at about 22:00 I gave in
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on June 30, 2020, 12:53:03 AM
Day 47
Day 1

No pmo, no masturbation and no cravings!! Just came back from 35 minutes jog, it was a success.

Patient with my progress!!
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on July 01, 2020, 01:03:06 AM
Day 48
Day 2

No pmo, no masturbation and cravings absent!!

Moving forward with hope!!
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: Icandoit on July 01, 2020, 04:00:35 AM
Great progress, man.
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: imsorrynotsorry on July 01, 2020, 10:29:08 AM
A small setback for a good comeback.

This issue of not being liked by others i know very well, because the GF is also dealing with this. She's also always about 'doing it right and satisfy everyone'. Mostly in her family and that's toxic, because it's not her being responsable for the joy of others, but somehow her parents let her think that way.
Anyway, it's good to know why that is and i like the idea of that's not your job of being liked by others. Who are the popular people anyway, in the end they are just like you and me.
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on July 02, 2020, 03:13:17 AM
Hey imSorryNotSorry

I wish it was just that easy to stop caring what other people think of me! I don't like it, but I find myself micromanaging my conversation so that I don't bore the people around.

Thanks for the comment buddy!!
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on July 02, 2020, 03:21:56 AM
Day 49
Day 0

I got disturbed by some noises out the house, woke up to check it out, found that it was nothing but dogs, tried to go back to sleep, it was hard, then that usually voice at the back of my mind suggested I check CAM girls, went straight to autopilot, binged on those CAM girls for 3.5 hours straight. Never came, went to sleep, woke up about 2 hours ago, the thought came again, binged for an hour then came by accident!

Talk about regress, but I will keep rising and rising until I'm over this.
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on July 03, 2020, 03:23:25 AM
Day 50
Day 0

Have to take out this SIM card out for a while, I'm out of control!
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: ShadeTrenicin on July 03, 2020, 03:28:43 AM
Hey Buddy,

It's okay that you've spun out of control. But excellent action to take out that SIM card. You've recognized what is happening and taking control of the situation once again.
So, what has happened the last couple of days? It seems that you are having a difficult time. Maybe something that you want to share with us? Not everything that you post has to directly be linked to PMO. IF it helps you, please write anything that is bothering you at this moment.. You can use this forum for emotional relieve as well, especially if that prevents you from PMO-ing.


Stay safe
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on July 04, 2020, 05:08:15 AM
Hey ShadeTrenicin

A lot of things are happening, but I'm not comfortable sharing. Will work out a way out of this cycle!!!

Thanks for the comment buddy!!!
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on July 04, 2020, 05:15:47 AM
Day 51
Day 0

Well the SIM card solution works, but the idea of me sleeping early seems to backfire. I sleep at 21:00 get disturbed at 01:00, struggle with sleep until I get start jerking off. I think I have to get myself into a strict routine.

Sleep at 23:00 or 00:00, then wake up at 06:00. Go for my morning jog. Since I'm not working because of this lock down, I plan to help my mother with her small tailoring business.

I want to be patient with my progress!!
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on July 05, 2020, 03:54:47 AM
Day 52
Day 1

Managed to sleep after 23:00, woke up at 07:30, went for a 10.57km jog for 95 minutes but the last 10 minutes I walked. I'm a bit slower this days, used to do it in 75 minutes. But will be patient.

Routine forming is my goal. Matching on!!
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on July 07, 2020, 12:41:30 AM
Day 54
Day 1

Just woken up now. My goal is to get into a routine so that I can get into the flow easily! It will take time, but it's worth it.

Moving forward!!
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on July 08, 2020, 03:23:42 AM
Day 55
Day 2

No pmo, no masturbation, no cravings!

Moving forward☺
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: Orbiter on July 09, 2020, 10:17:40 PM
Stay strong Babysteps, keep on moving!
Title: Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
Post by: BabySteps on July 12, 2020, 08:34:58 AM
Day 59

Hey Orbiter

Thanks buddy, will keep getting up