Reboot Nation

Journals => Ages 40 and up => Topic started by: seekinghelp on January 04, 2018, 08:26:45 AM

Title: Introductions and story
Post by: seekinghelp on January 04, 2018, 08:26:45 AM
My name is Greg. I am 61 and am just starting my journey to a better life. Porn has taken over and ruled my life for many years. It came to a head this summer when I completely withdrew from my wife and my friends. I couldn't figure it out. I had lost all motivation, my passion for the things I like to do dropped away. I stopped even trying to have sex with my wife. My penis was always sore and I had no libido. I was in the worse shape of my life. Lots of anxiety, moody and unhappy.

My wife spent ten years of counseling,doctors ect trying to find out what was wrong (ED). And I sat there with part of me knowing but unable-unwilling to say it.
My wife has divorced me so I have the double whammy of that loss at the same time as tackling this addiction. I have a sex therapy counselor and have just started last week.

I'm looking for advise and maybe a partner to go though this with.
What am I in for??? Does it really get better??
Title: Re: Introductions and story
Post by: seekinghelp on January 04, 2018, 08:52:06 AM
One of the hardest parts was telling my wife, I had never hurt her and I crumbled at her pain. That night I went online to see about porn addiction.I was blown away,,, I had no idea of the consensuses. The hardest part was reading a blog for woman to share their stories. I was devastated at what I had done.

For me it was hours everyday. It was consuming me. I just stopped caring about things and would plan my day around porn. The sex had to be farther out there and more of it.

I've told a few friends just to help keep me honest.

Right now I feel like I'm at the lowest point, lots of crying. Almost feels like a 24/7 anxiety attack.
Title: Re: Introductions and story
Post by: IWantToLive on January 04, 2018, 09:52:23 AM
Hi Greg,

So sorry to hear about your pain. It rings familiar for so many of us here.
Welcome to the forum. You are at the right place for seeking support and receiving support.

This pmo (porn-masturbation-orgasm) based addiction is a tough habit to overcome, but many have done so successfully. So there will be setbacks, and that's fine as long as you are making progress.

The first thing I advise is to restrict porn on your devices. There are several ways to do this. One way is to install porn blocking software. There is also a program called open DNS that filters content at the router, so you don't have to go around installing software in each device that you use.

The second thing is to understand why you use pmo and address the underlying cause. This is challenging, and takes time. If you use it out of boredom or social isolation, for example, you can address that by going outside, meeting people, visiting relatives etc.

I do want to say it get's better (the ED, mood etc) with sobriety and time. Because I have read accounts of people testifying about it. So there is hope.

Good of you to share your story and seek help. You are in the path of healing. Keep writing and expressing yourself.

Take care,

Title: Re: Introductions and story
Post by: Jbow on January 04, 2018, 12:00:55 PM
Welcome seeking. I'm sorry for your loss. All you can do is try to move forward, and do your best to kick this nasty addiction. It's a tough row to hoe. It sounds like you've had enough and are ready for change.  It's a fairly rough path for a while.I wish you the of luck. When you start to doubt what your doing come back to rn 
Title: Re: Introductions and story
Post by: seekinghelp on January 05, 2018, 05:29:22 AM
I have come to realize that porn was my drug of choice. I have also come to understand that stopping porn is only part of addressing the issue for me. I realize that I need to dig deep and look at why I ever needed it to begin with.

I wonder at the life that might be,,,,
I wonder how to let go of the life behind.
Right now it hurts to not have this way to blunt my feelings.
Title: Re: Introductions and story
Post by: seekinghelp on January 09, 2018, 06:25:04 AM
Can anyone tell me about withdrawal issues. I feel real jittery and on edge.   
Title: Re: Introductions and story
Post by: unchained on January 09, 2018, 10:15:47 AM
Hi Greg.  My name is Adam.

Withdrawal symptoms differ widely, but for me they have always come in the form of extreme anxiety, nervousness, unease...and as you say jittery.  The 1st time I managed to quit long enough to actually experience withdrawal I was scared and almost to the point of freaking out, even though I knew that they may happen and also knew they would eventually subside after reading other men's journals.

I'd like to say that I decided to quit, powered through the withdrawals, swore never to look at porn again and lived my life happy and free of addiction forever.  In reality I have experienced several long periods of sobriety followed by full blown long-term relapses that were long enough that quitting meant withdrawals again.  What I tend to experience is the following:

1st week riding high on motivation to quit.  No real withdrawal symptoms to speak of.
7-10 days in...anxiety starts to build.
2-3 weeks it peaks.  For me, this part is the worst.  Extreme stress, anxiety, jitteriness.
At 4 weeks or so it slowly tapers off.

Once they have subsided a slip here or there did not ever make me re-live the full-blown withdrawal experience, but it has caused increased stress levels afterwards for short periods of time.  I hope you never slip, but if you do don't let a reset turn into a full-blown relapse.  An extended relapse has always meant going through the withdrawals all over again, at least they have for me.

One positive that has come with multiple attempts to quit is now I can better cope with the withdrawal symptoms when they come.  I know that they will subside because they always just takes time.  Going through withdrawals really sucks the 1st time.  Hang in there, they do not last forever.

To help deal with them in the mean time it helps to be active.  Go exercise, go for a jog...just do something and keep moving.  Also, cold showers are at the top of my list...not to take away any sexual desire but because they are empowering.  When you take a cold shower you feel like a man who can do anything.  It reinforces the mindset that you can tolerate and uncomfortable situation and overcome it.  If you still feel "jittery and on edge" when you read this, I challenge you to go straight to your shower, turn the water as cold as it will go, walk straight in and stay completely in the cold water for a full 5 minutes.  If you do that I'd bet a nickel to a hundred-dollar-bill that you'll feel like a million bucks when you are done.  Lastly, look into breath meditation.  It truly helps if you practice and you'll find as you get better at meditation that it becomes much easier to direct and re-direct your thoughts.  Keeping unwanted thoughts at bay will help keep your anxiety manageable as well.

...also, don't make the mistake of believing that addiction is conquered when the withdrawals have subsided.  I've made that mistake.  It is just the beginning of the process.
Title: Re: Introductions and story
Post by: seekinghelp on January 09, 2018, 01:54:16 PM
Thank you Adam, that explains a lot! Jittery and anxiety to the max. It's like I cant sit still. Thinking is also tough, I feel confused often, go into a room and cant remember why or what I was getting.